Welcome to the first ever installment of XOXO Gothip Girl, an irregular gossip column brought to you by a person who wears black a lot and has never actually seen the television show Gossip Girl. Herein, we will revel in only the most quality tabloid journalism and discuss the scandals of the day, all while pouting and glaring and occasionally turning into bats.
Earlier this weekend, vegetarian of note and established Best Person Ever Joan Jett was removed from the South Dakota float in this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, on the grounds that local ranchers felt that their state should not be represented by an outspoken animal activist. Did you know South Dakota even had a float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade? I thought it was just balloons of Snoopy and SpongeBob, but it turns out that South Dakota (whose economy is largely livestock and agriculture-based) has one too, upon which cuddly farm animals are presumably periodically sacrified while a brass band plays “Hail, South Dakota!”
Not this Dakota, but a girl can dream.
Once the South Dakota Cattlemen’s Association learned of Jett’s passion for animal rights and her association with PETA, they felt uncomfortable with her Bad Reputation (sorry guys) and asked her to step down. Joan released a statement this weekend, noting that “people’s political agendas were getting in the way of what should be a purely entertainment driven event. I will remain focused on entertaining the millions of people watching, who will be celebrating a great American tradition.”
I could sure go for some cranberry sauce, though.
PETA (who never miss a chance to get a word in) added: “Thanks to South Dakota’s reactionary ranchers, people across the country have learned why Joan Jett supports PETA. The meat trade can’t stand any scrutiny of its cruelty.” In the meantime, the South Dakota float is desperately in need of a new performer (might we suggest Ted Nugent?).
If Autostraddle had a float in the Thanksgiving Day Parade (an unrealized dream we never actually considered until this very moment), we’d let Joan come along. We’d even make her a Tofurky sandwich. Just something to consider, Joan. Just throwin’ it out there.
My heart. Yesss Gothip Girl!!!
i think you mean “yeth.”
this column is everything
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(That’s the sound my brain makes whenever I see/hear/think about Joan Jett.)
How could you not love Joan Jett!!! I’ve met her and she’s quiet amazing
Wait, why was she ever going to be on the South Dakota float in the first place? Was she going to sing Hail South Dakota??
Nailed it. Also I make a mean Tofurkey sandwich, get at me, Joan.
WTF South Dakota? Who do you think you are to tell Joan Jett she can’t be on your float??
Besides that though, I have a lot of (negative) feelings about Joan Jett being a PETA supporter. Obviously I love her, and I’m all about animal rights and critiquing our consumption of meat and where it comes from, but as a queer woman who is also a vegetarian, I find PETA to be a really problematic organization. Especially with regards to their portrayals of women as sex objects. It bums me out that Joan Jett is supporting an organization that is basically the HRC of animal rights.
yeah, i mean, i’m vegan and obvs into animal rights but i have never really appreciated peta making all vegetarians look like unhinged maniacs ALL THE TIME and never knowing how to pick their battles and maybe/probably putting down a lot of animals unnecessarily and ugh, their policies on pitbulls. but i do respect the fact that joan jett is super outspoken and visible regarding animal rights and being vegetarian in any capacity. she does stuff for farm sanctuary too, which i feel a lot better about… but yeah, surely there are other floats who could benefit from having joan jett around, maybe she could hold the spiderman balloon?
>> “It bums me out that Joan Jett is supporting an organization that is basically the HRC of animal rights.”
So, wouldn’t that make it the ARC?
Which, coincidentally enough, is also the name of the wildlife preserve run by Russell Crowe in Darren Aronofsky’s upcoming _Noah_:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2sGw3w8_HA
I hear you. I’m a vegan and pretty intense about animals rights. PETA makes me pretty angry. Between their stance on pit bulls, repeated proof that they kill abandoned domesticated animals turned over to them, often misogynistic attacks on women who disagree with them, the objectifying ads that promote hegemonic beauty ideals, and an underlying tone of body shaming in a lot of their campaigns I’m pretty anti-PETA. Given the majority of veg*ns are women, I find it bizarre how often they seem willing to throw women’s dignity under the bus to advance a message, even if I mostly agree with that message.
In conclusion: screw PETA. But I still love Joan Jett.
A-Camp 2014: The Macy Thanksgiving Day parade?
Yeah, that would be awesome.
I am head over heels for this column
perfect column
Do you think that when Joan Jett was just a wee BAMF of 17 or 18, throwing beer bottles at the crowd, she ever envisioned she would be kicked off the South Dakota Macy’s Day Parade float for being tooooo vegan? WWJJD 5ever.
Sorrrrrrryyyyyyyy vegetarian not vegan I do apologize for the mis-identification, JJ.
DON’T ERASE HER IDENTITY JESS
Perfect column is perfect.
Love this! I hope that your column features news about Joan Jett as often as possible. Pretty please?
This column is my favorite thing. Other than Joan Jett.
so glad this dream has been realized
this reminded me: kstew as joan jett definitely went SOUTH on DAKOTA right?
that’s precisely why she belongs on our float.
Of course, the only times that stories from my newspaper are picked up by national outlets are when our state pulls something like this…
hmmm…. think the goddess joan really cares? … me neither!