Which Lesbian or Bisexual Vampire from History Can #GetIt?

Consider this March Madness for you and your horniest lesbian friends, it’s time for a good ol’ round of Which Lesbian (or Bisexual) Vampire from History Can #GetIt?

Let me introduce our contenders:

Elizabeth Bathory

I can not, will not, will never attempt to get over the absolute looks Countess Elizabeth Bathory serves every moment of “Daughters of Darkness.” My favorite, of course, is the scene where she is introduced, dressed licentiously for a funeral, like a widow waiting for that check to clear. She is the ultimate mean femme: sacrificing innocents and reveling in the tales.

Elizabeth Bathory? More like Elizabeth BathewithME in blood (is this how I come clean about my interest in blood play? I hope so). Elizabeth Bathory has a reputation that precedes her; followed around by her jealous Renfield character, she seduces the beautiful newlywed in the adjacent hotel suite.

Upon rewatching this movie I couldn’t help but make parallels between the story of Bathory and Valerie to that of Jenny Schecter and Marina Ferrer. A mean femme, with as many secrets as she has outfits, sweeps in and steals the girlfriend of a brutish guy. When Elizabeth Bathory hits Stefan with that “was she yours last night?!” line it recalls Marina’s iconic “you were there, you saw how much it counts” zinger lobbed at Tim.

Is the relationship healthy? No way. Does it end in tragedy? You know what this is. I still would offer Elizabeth Bathory my neck if she cleared her throat slightly.

Countess Marya Zaleska/Dracula’s Daughter

You know her well, the eyebrows, the eyes of her father, the floor length cape perfect for a dramatic exit. Countess Marya Zaleska is a dime, her sharp features and sultry voice will entrance you fully. Unlike her father, Marya doesn’t want to be a vampire and views her powers as a curse. The torment of her hunger and her conscience makes her an incredibly sympathetic character who you find yourself rooting for, no matter the path she chooses.

Countess croons for the dark, and lesbians love the dark for its mystery. So much processing awaits! Most of her victims in the film are men which I know I can get behind.

When she confronts her servant Sandor for interrupting her little dirge on the piano, she asks:
“What do you see in my eyes?”
He responds, “Death.”

Any woman that inspires that response in a man can #getit.

Carmilla, from the novella

All of the women I currently have crushes on are roughly 45+ years old. So it was a relief to me when Carmilla is relieved as not 19, but a sprightly 150 years old. Carmilla is a great literary vampire because she doesn’t need blood to feed: the majority of her interactions with people are enough to revive her energy. As everyone around her seems exhausted and withering, she is becoming a vibrant self.

Now, I’ve chosen novella Carmilla over movie and TV adaptions because you can make her look however you want in your head, but her personality is true to the text. My Carmilla is dark-haired, dark-eyed, and just as brooding as me but in a way that draws people in instead of pushing them away.

Tara Thornton, True Blood

I was never deeply into True Blood, to be honest, but this list was looking hella white and needed some black women. Listen, Tara looks damn good in a leather jacket and her biceps are like apples nestled in the deep brown of her arms. I’m gay. She’s hilarious, sharp-tongued, and vulnerable almost to a fault. Once she becomes a vampire she takes on a leather femme look that will melt anyone.

Miriam Blaylock

Why do vampires have the best names? Come on, Blaylock? It’s perfect. She’s by far the coolest vampire on the list in the way only an 80’s vamp can achieve. As Miriam’s love interests age, her appetite for youth increases until she finds the perfect match in scientist Sarah Roberts (played by heartthrob Susan Sarandon). In an L Word-like scene, Sarah’s boyfriend shows up to Miriam’s house asking if Sarah is there. Miriam devilishly leads him to Sarah knowing she (now infected) is hungry for blood. She feeds on her boyfriend and she and Miriam are free to be toxic lovers with a future of wearing matching outfits.

Honorable Mention:
Queen Akasha, Queen of the Damned

My obsession with vampires started with Aaliyah in this movie and Wesley Snipes as Blade. Queen Akasha is not explicitly labeled LGBTQ in any of the text about her or scenes in the movie, but there is something intrinsically fluid about the identity of vampires that I don’t feel like it’s a huge stretch to put her on this list.

Okay, time to vote. Which Lesbian (or Bisexual) Vampire from History Can #GetIt?

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danijanae

Dani Janae is a poet and writer based out of Pittsburgh, PA. When she's not writing love poems for unavailable women, she's watching horror movies, hanging with her tarantula, and eating figs. Follow Dani Janae on Twitter and on Instagram.

danijanae has written 157 articles for us.

35 Comments

  2. From your list? Akasha. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut…

    Bianca St. Claire (Joanne Kelly)

    Gerri Dandrige (Jaime Murray)

  3. OKAY FIRST OF ALL

    anyone admitting their interest in blood play in a casual listicle on autostraddle dot com is a HERO for the record

    SECOND OF ALL

    i loved true blood so hard and tara & pam will forever be my #couplegoals, not sure exactly what that says about me and my dating life but uhhhh

    BUT THIRD OF ALL

    Elizabeth Bathory, hello.

    IN CONCLUSION

    a very happy Friday-before-Halloween to us all!!!

  6. Akasha BUT if write in votes are allowed Sophie-Anne played by Evan Rachel Wood on the HBO original program True Blood. thank you

  7. Blade is the reason Marvel was able to even make the MCU and did the slow mo Matrix thing before the Matrix.

    And one of the last things I can remember getting rented from Blockbuster.

    I loved even the 3rd one. My thirst for a super human hero, creepy creature effects, gore, vamps that dust and gothy industrial looks was very satiated.

    And his entrance in the 1st film is just A+ for illustrating how badass of a character we have without things getting boring and giving us some setting info sans spoonfeed.

      • Blade retired from slaying after the 3rd movie where all the vamps dies and became a drag queen is wonderful idea.

        Everybody wants Noxeema’s skincare secrets, she laughs when they ask.

  9. I’m going to be partaking in a family reunion activity were we make cucidati (fig cookies).

    This would in past years be just a bit of a thing but uh this year’s host is a 3 hr drive away from my twig in the branch and we got flood watch warning all the way to the destination.
    The last of the original 6 siblings, my grandmother is no longer with us and so my mom is very determined to go.

    So uh my responses might be super slow if at all.
    I have so many vampire feelings y’all

    Lucy’s writhing in Bram Stoker’s Dracula 1992 and other examples of vampiric hunger was as close as to seeing representation how my sexual hunger felt during puberty.

    Akasha and the Queen of the Damned film need their own posts, especially cause book Akasha is a bit misandri-cidal, “men are power” and she wants to be worshiped.

    I love bath sex and looking back can’t help but wonder if that scene in QotD is the root or just I love water and some temperature play.

        • Haven’t gone thru my pics so I’m going explain them.

          Imagine you have a sausage made of figs, dates, other dried fruits & some cinnamon etc. and the casing of this spiced fruit sausage is a sturdy yet tender cookie dough that gets a thin layer of glaze on the top and sides.

          It’s the perfect 3pm coffee/tea break snack.

          Also the dough has these slits in them that are very functional but if you wield the knife right come off as kinda decorative.

          There’s a lot of variety in cookie size and slits cause there’s a lot cousins.
          My mom likes to make em bite sized, the oldest male cousin likes them snack bar sized, slits on one side with no glaze.
          Me I like em thumb sized and near burnt traditional style slits, and sprinkle free.

        • If Hugh Grant was everything, you would be right! And I would be concerned! But yes it has snake vampire bath tub virgin drowning

      • If you live somewhere with a sizable Italian population in a metro area you MIGHT be able to find an old well established bakery that does them right, or a Saint Joseph’s altar that trades donations for community baked goods such as cuccidati.

  10. So now I’m gonna have to toss up Lady Sylvia Marsh played by Amanda Donohoe in The Lair of the White Worm. AGAIN. That movie is just terrible in so many of the right ways.

  12. I love the idea of a Roll-Your-Own-Vampire with the Carmilla novella, however… I just can’t resist Miriam Blaylock. Catherine Deneuve has always slayed me.

  13. How are we to chose?

    *Catherine Deneuve is Catherine Deneuve.

    *Aaliyah was great and sexy af and it’s one of my favourite Anne Rice books, so that movie was such a gd let down.

    *I wrote a high school paper on Bathory so I’m partial to her.

    *Rutina Wesley wins in my heart always.

    But I do think that my vampiric lady obsession is still, 20+ years later, Maharet from the QUEEN OF THE DAMNED book.

    • I watched the movie before I ever got to read the book and after the book I felt robbed by what was left out, but now I feel like the only thing that could do the book justice would be a mini-series.

      Book Maharet is the most interesting and most alluring Anne Rice vamp to me.
      She really does something with her unlife and is the one Mommi character I think I’d actual go for.

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