We’re revisiting this Autostraddle piece on queer dating as we get back to dating basics in partnership with HER’s Queer Dating 101, a series of live edutainment events that brings in concrete how-tos, insights, experts and some of your favorite Autostraddle personalities to help you find love (or whatever you’re looking for) in the time of corona. Check out the event on Sex and Relationships During COVID TONIGHT,1/21/2021 at 6pm PT | 9pm ET!
Some of us entered quarantine single; some of us entered it with partners we’re living with; some are in long-distance relationships, and some were just starting new connections that could have been anything — and then a pandemic happened. Although everyone’s situation has been different and had different challenges (isn’t that the truth, love life or not) it feels safe to say that all of us have been forced to have some ~personal growth experiences~ in this area, whether we wanted to or not. Here’s what we feel like we’ve taken away from the pandemic so far in terms of dating, sex and partnership, even if begrudgingly — what insights do you have to share? Tell us in the comments!
Comments
Your loss on the Geminis, Vanessa ;)
haha oh I KNOW, i LOVE geminis, that is the literal whole problem! just trying to preemptively protect my heart moving forward 🙃
“I joke frequently that queers live under the shared illusion that all problems are communication problems, when in fact sometimes you can communicate super well about something and what becomes clear is… your needs don’t line up, full stop!”
OOF this is very good advice!
seconding this, definitely needed to hear this perspective today.
thirded. Whew.
Heather, I don’t know you or Stacy personally but from this description and following you on Twitter (I’m not a stalker I promise), your and Stacy’s relationship is truly couple goals. <3
“I kind of look like I’m wearing a baseball uniform all the time” Heather, I truly comment your dedication to the tomboy lesbian aesthetic no matter what life throws your way
Anyway, <3 <3 <3 to all of this
*commend!
My love life’s on hold right now. While I identify as bi-poly, most of my life I did hetero-mono because my circumstances made finding or having any relationship at all rather difficult. My current (long-distance) boyfriend and I opened our relationship back in 2018. This year I finally get a maybe-girlfriend, and we had 3 dates… but then the coronavirus lockdown orders came, and she said she’s no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with anyone at this time. Meanwhile I’ve had no contact with my boyfriend since early May, and not for lack of trying. No idea whether to be worried or pissed. 😰 😠 🤷🏻♀️
As someone who lives alone, doesn’t have many friends, and doesn’t like social media, I’m convinced that dating and relationships during the pandemic are a lie and I don’t want to believe otherwise. No I’m not crying you’re crying!
“has anyone seen my new red hat?” has killed me, i am deceased, goodbye
Heather – this really resonated as someone with autonomic disreflexia (and a bunch of other stuff). I’ve spent years figuring out how to cope and ration my spoons, but now I’m living with someone and trying to process how they can find me attractive and worth staying with when sometimes my big activity for the day is making it from the bed to the couch.
I really appreciate hearing how different everyone’s experiences are in terms of where you’re at and what you’re learning.
Heather, I’m so glad you were able to find a diagnosis! I have chronic health issues too, and I know what a big difference it can make to have words for what’s happening and a direction for next steps to manage symptoms. Also, knowing how precious energy can be in the midst of health challenges, I feel so grateful for the stories you choose to put energy towards sharing with us <3
Rachel, I loved this: “Many of us, maybe all of us, bring into relationships the underlying question “Are you going to prioritize my needs and my wellness? Would you ever harm me or put me at risk for the sake of your own wants and needs?” That question is now… extremely literal!”
It’s felt very forefront of my mind, including with friends and family. I guess it’s a good thing to have to put things out there literally, but wow is it hard.
wow i learned the hard way this quarantine that i also can’t w/ geminis anymore, vanessa!
speaking of which, i’ve gotten rid of that troublesome gemini so if yr still looking for a long distance girlfriend i’m in canada Dani ;)
I found a great Gemini! And there are so many opportunities to make fun—from that Lizzo song to half the terrible people we meet turning out to be Geminis 😃.
(I’m a Scorpio so she has plenty of ammunition, too)
The biggest thing I’ve taken away from the pandemic in regards to relationships is about my relationship with myself! I learned that I CAN live by myself – I just really do prefer to live with a partner. I lived alone from March – June because I’m an essential in-person worker but couldn’t live with my husband because he was getting chemo (he is very healthy now!!! thank god), and truly I have never actually lived by myself – it was really nice to learn that I COULD be alone with myself, and I COULD fully run my life.
I’ve struggled a lot with depression over the last few years, to the point where I wasn’t actually sure I COULD take care of myself by myself – and truth be told, I am still not 100% sure I could depending on how severe the depression is.
But I do feel a lot more confident now that I am *choosing* to live with my partner because I want to – not just because I *need* another adult involved to take care of myself.
My boyfriend is an essential worker so I’ve been without close contact with him since the beginning of lockdown. Since lockdown has begun to lift we’ve managed to go on a few dates by making sure that we stay outside and with our masks on. However, many singles are using dating apps in lockdown, they may meet one question – how to use it safely? I find this page by chance http://thedatingring.com/safe-to-use-dating-apps.html, donot know whether it works for u.
The Archie Bongiovanni one is kinda fucked up reading it after the fact of why they broke up with their partner. From what i could put together it was at least partially because Archie stopped doing Covid precautions to go party at clubs and their partner being immunocompromised was devastated. That plus Archie stole their dog.