Long ago, when witches ruled the world, and magic danced among us, mischievous and free, a prophecy was spoken. Its fullness has been lost to fire and time, but the sentiment has passed from generation to generation, to those whose curiosity could never be quenched, who still sense the promise of enchantment on moonbeams. A woman, a lover of women, will raise her sword and cleave timber in two, and with it, the illusion of archaic masculinity.
These men, these titans of strength, have presented themselves, again and again, and in the present day, their power has been distilled and nourished in one man. His ass, America’s. His name, Captain Steve Rogers. To demonstrate his worth, he brought his axe to bear on tree after tree, ripping logs in halves with bare hands when tools were scarce and warmth was needed. It seemed, in the wake of his displays of power, that the prophecy would, once again, pass by a generation. What woman, what sword, could challenge such biceps, such vigor?
But, lo! What brawn from yonder TikTok breaks! A woman clad in the traditional garb of women-loving-women, a tank top and beanie, a waist-tied flannel, a feety-pajama, trudging through snow to rip thickets in twain. She drank from the chalice of maple syrup. An axe? Yes. A sledgehammer? Indeed. Hatchets, saws, splitting wedges. Alas, no sword — thus the prophecy remained in tact, untouched, though the lumber around her was felled and split for all the world to see.
A rumble of earth. A whisper on the breeze.
A blade is forged
Placed in a box
Gay lumberjack
An arctic fox
Though heroes through time have faced demise, thwarted in perpetuity on the cusp of unseating a sword from a stone, she removed it from its pedestal as a knife from butter. With rascality in her smirk and impishness in her eyes, she raised the blade above her head and brought it down upon the log. Sliced! Split! Hewed asunder! The prophecy fulfilled!
Farewell, Captain America! Farewell, men! A new day of lesbian lumberjacks has dawned! Witches, rejoice! Our time has come!
SHE HAS A SWORD NOW https://t.co/IlXN04zA9A pic.twitter.com/yvkyBJab63
— Frotting Christ (@elianadivakarr) January 10, 2023
i have covid and this is literally exactly what i needed, thank you for this blessing
Oof I think I’m in love.
where can we find one of these lovely people to be friends with?
This post is pure gold Heather. 👏👏👏
😍
this article is everything
“All of my childhood dreams have just come true.”
Plus some dreams that child me didn’t know to wish for.
I for one welcome our new lesbian lumberjack overladies.
Did I create a TikTok account after reading this article? Perhaps.
Hey! I love your avatar! I created a bunch of lesbian lego figures too! I just combined the faces that looked more feminine with the torsos that were dressed in masc clothing. It was awesome! I played – I mean – was creative with them for hours! I even did an extensive photo shoot of all of the figures and a first date story line with two of the figures that included a moped, sex in a NYC studio apartment, and an annoyed cat.
OMG,the LumberJanes live-action adaptation we’ve all been waiting for is finally here! Or rather, its Canadian cousin has arrived! I love it
This article is EVERYTHING
Heather Hogan you are a GIFT thank you
Heather this write up is a JOURNEY and I am here for it
OH MY GOD
Her account is so HOT. And so Canadian. Mind blown.
All of my wife’s internet crushes were brunettes until this woman showed up on the scene.
She is so powerful.
For those without TikTok, she cross-posts to Instagram. To those without either, I pity you.
I just want to say that I’ve tried to chop and split wood with an axe several times in my cabin experiences and it is not easy!!!!! And to do it with one blow using a sword?!?!?!?!
This is so cute.
I do.
I love you Heather. That is all.
OMG I WANT ONE!!!
That sword is amazing, but I’m surprised Canada allowed it to be delivered and used.
After reading some of you’re articles i think you are a misanthrope. Seriously what is you’re problems with mens? Don’t fight sexisms with sexisms.