Hello there doe-eyed friend, this post isn’t safe for work, unless you work from home on your sofa in some cutoffs eating yogurt that’s four days beyond its purported “best by” date, like some of us. Moving on, do you have sex? What kind of sex do you have? What kind of sex are you talking about today? Today we’re talking about this kind of sex. This is our story.
Autostraddle Office Email, 9:42 AM
Lizz: Guys I’m in the most boring lecture ever. Like ever. Can we just email about sex or something? I suggest the topic of costumes. Does anyone have any really funny costumes they’ve had sex in?
Bren: You mean like furry/plushie situations?
Lizz: Maybe. Or like sexy costumes or like post-Halloween/costume party sex in which you’re still in costume. Like one time I had sex dressed as “Hit Me Baby One More Time Britney Spears” after a Britney Spears party. Oh! Or one time on Halloween this girl fucked me while I was dressed as “An Entertainer” with a leather corset and top hat on.
Lizz: Wait. Bren do you have a furry/plushie story you’d like to tell?
Bren: *blushes* No furry/plushie story. Only one time we dressed up like a football player and a cheerleader to give out candy one Halloween only we didn’t make it to the giving out candy part. Sorry kids.
Mari: I had sex after a particularly crazy Halloween party a few years ago. My date and I went as “organ harvesters,” and our costumes involved lots of fake blood. We were pretty drunk when we made it into bed, and we realized the next morning that the fake blood wasn’t quite dry… it looked like we had gotten down in middle of a rather horrific crime scene. Also, years of being a promiscuous scifi con goer means I’ve hooked dressed as: Death from Sandman, Faye from Questionable Content, and… Cthulhu (a cyber-goth version of Cthulhu, actually).
Kaelyn: Cthulhu sex. Uh, you win. Also, I’m now trying to imagine having sex with someone in a Cthulhu head. Please tell me you wore the Cthulhu head! My current spouse and I had our “first time,” a semi-consensual-exccept-that-we-were-both-so-drunk-that-we-don’t-remember-it-deal on the outside deck of a gay bar in Syracuse, NY on Halloween 2004. I had just won the Freaky Fetish contest by popular vote in bondage-type gear and a $50 bar tab. Waffle was dressed as a gay soldier, I think? Or a GI Joe? I don’t know. We were apparently really loud and really inappropriate and we didn’t get kicked out because we were regulars and the security folks and performers thought it was funny. The only reason we know that this really happened, which we both vehemently denied, is that some of our jerk friends took pictures (like, on real cameras with film because it was over 10 years ago and no one had smartphones yet). Two days later, the film was developed and we had to own up. We were both in relationships with other people. Oops.
Riese: I was Sporty Spice, she was Posh Spice. Probs went down exactly how it did in real life. I really hope Stef has had sex in her courtney love wig.
Stef: No, but I did have sex on top of a bar bathroom sink dressed (creatively) as Yolanda Saldivar after Carly and Robin had that villains party. It wasn’t a good look, to be honest. Oddly enough, as many times as I’ve been Courtney for Halloween, that costume has never ever gotten me laid.
Lizz: Stef I refuse to believe that’s the only costume sex story you have.
Stef: No wait, I did surprise a boyfriend in the Ginger Spice dress the one time. Lizz I think you vastly overestimate my game at sea level.
Fikri: I slept with people in prefect uniforms a lot, but that was because all my girlfriends were, y’know, actually prefects.
Carolyn: I have tragically somehow never had costume/post-costume sex, but one year I had “we are friends and this will ruin our friendship but, hi”* makeouts while dressed as an accidentally slutty tap dancer for Halloween (read: tap dancer, wearing my actual gold sequinned dance overalls/dress from c. age 13).
* It did not.
Rachel: Once I had very drunk Halloween party sex while dressed as Lindsay Lohan. In retrospect, I’m not sure it should count as a costume because it was basically just a flannel shirt that I already owned over pants I already owned and I didn’t wash my hair. I think I mostly just told people I was LiLo and then had the sex.
Laura: I fucked Catwoman two years ago.
Kaelyn: FTR, most furries don’t have sex in their costumes because those suits are mad expensive and no one wants to deal with a dry cleaning bill. From what little I know from college friends who were actual self-identified furries, the vast majority don’t have sex in costume and those that are interested in erotic furry stuff are more into erotic art and cyber sex.
Carmen: I was Wonder Woman once and it 100% got me laid literally as soon as I arrived at the Halloween party. Getting out of the unitard was REALLY HARD THO. That is all I can offer, but I do hope to be Bruno Mars for Halloween this year, so. I’ll let you know how that goes for me.
Rachel: I think I might do Willow Pape for Halloween this year so I’ll let you all know how that goes.
I’m here to commiserate with Stef about our sub-par game at sea level.
YES this is a thing all I want is my game from A camp to magically work in the real world
Super late to the party, but I’m here to commiserate with someone about my sub-par game at all levels.
I was planning to buy an unicorn costume this year but this will definitely not help me to have sex.
Are you sure? I feel like it is a possibility.
I feel like you’re drastically underestimating the power of the unicorn.
Just fyi, I just purchased a unicorn Halloween costume. And I have the Halloween Friday Open Thread this year.
I will be waiting very intently for photos of Rachel as Willow Pape.
I KNOW!!!
rachel it is SUCH a good idea, i’m actually pretty jealous you thought of it first.
well i’m naturally blonde and a psychopath, so
I guess being both nurses we were dressed up as nurses and never made it to our shift?? Hahaha. Costume sex has always interested me though. It seems like something I want to try but I have a feeling my wife will just burst out laughing if I still have thee cat head mask on.
From the title I thought this was going to be about role playing during sex. I sadly have no Halloween costume sex stories to offer.
I feel like costumes for role playing is really serious biz. I’m into the acting part, but actually dressing up in character–phew, that’s a lot of prep time.
That would be a great article though!
I have had sex whilst dressed as both Silk Spectres, Tank Girl (with my Jet) and can only highly reccommd it
@Mari – Not the only Sandman nerd! I created a pretty kickass Delirium costume one year. And the ex that came to the party… well, best time we’d had since way before we broke up.
And, also, more Cthulhu details, please!
Hilarious! Great laugh to end the day, so thanks
To pass out Halloween candy one year I dressed up as Katara and my boyfriend dressed up as Jesus, we didn’t end up getting any trick or treaters so we just ended up entertaining ourselves in other ways instead. :P
I have not yet had costume sex, but I keep dreaming about doing a second wave/riot grrrl bondage/hate sex scene. With appropriate attire.
I was dressed as Jack the Ripper and my ex was dressed as Him from The Powerpuff Girls (after a Halloween party where many alcohols were had) and it was the first time we professed our love for each other. Ever so romantic!
definitely the first thing that came to mind when i saw the title of this article was furries, but yeah, a good deal of furries don’t do sex stuff in their suits. or sometimes people get suits specifically made for it, but yeah
The college I went to was really big about themed costume parties, as in almost every weekend there was something requiring forethought and trips to goodwill… So I can’t even make a list of every costume my girlfriend and I had sex in. There’s just too much. Some of my favorites were “cop and investigator” and ” Aladdin and captain jack”
My girlfriend and I are going to Rocky Horror w/ live cast and she hinted that she will be dressing up in a way that will include fishnets, sooooooo
My most memorable costume-related incident was, after strapping on the most neon pink dildo from Vixen Creations and fucking a lady in the dungeon at a sexuality/geekery conference/event, I ended up in a hotel room with a few folks, including [and primarily, for me, due to my interests] someone who was cosplaying as Loki. Sexing itself didn’t end up happening [because that wasn’t on the table on my end given my poly arrangement and the specifics of that hotel room sitch], but nudities and makeouts and groping did with said cosplayer and the two ladies with him. Such a huge victory, and it was a magical story I could share with my friends and partners who know of my Loki obsession. The lead-up to the whole going upstairs was also hilarious and included a moment of my play partner, in mid-sex/play, saying: “Aida, don’t turn around, but Loki is watching us.”
This is so beautiful.
(A friend did a Bellatrix/Luna violet wand scene at the same conference. I heard it was magical.)