Hello there doe-eyed friend, this post isn’t safe for work, unless you work from home on your sofa in some cutoffs eating yogurt that’s four days beyond its purported “best by” date, like some of us. Moving on, do you have sex? What kind of sex do you have? What kind of sex are you talking about today? Today we’re talking about this kind of sex. This is our story.
Autostraddle Office Email, 1:05 PM
Hannah: Was going to suggest that we talk about the booby bouncy castle at the Museum of Sex until I realized it was already linked in NSFW Sunday. However, due to my proximity to said bouncy castle, I am still probably gonna go jump around in a room full of inflated boobies. If anybody wants to hear about it, I will likely want to talk about it.
Elena: I am jealous of your proximity to MoSex. I had a friend bring me back a tube of the Helmut Newton lipstick.
Riese: I have learned a lot of really neat-o things at the Museum of Sex, like for example sploshing.
Hannah: Googling sploshing.
Mari: It sounds like a recipe for yeast infections for days.
Hansen: Wait, what? I can’t believe you’re all weirded out about food + sex, which is a magical pairing. It’s not like you’re putting peanut butter in a vagina like a goddamn Kong dog toy.
Laura M: I’m having flashbacks to that unfortunate scene with Boo and the dog. OITNB PTSD.
Riese: Sploshing isn’t just about food, it’s more complicated than that.
Hannah: As a concept, it’s totally not strange, but I have strong feelings about sticky stuff like syrup and tape. That said, I will eat peanut butter off of pretty much anything.
Stef: I dated this dominatrix for a weirdly long time and I became 100% fascinated with the break room at the dungeon where she worked because they seemed to just like, hang out and watch Rob Zombie movies and read People magazine in there like it was a teachers’ lounge, and they instagrammed a lot of pictures of this girl who came back from a sploshing session and it looked like she’d been caked in flour somehow? They thought this was the funniest thing. So yeah I have some questions about sploshing, mostly about cleaning products.
Helen: Maybe we should follow Cosmo’s lead and do “28 Lesbian Sex Positions: For When You Want To Splosh In Physically Unhelpful Poses”
We had some questions. Is sploshing more complicated than just food? Who cleans up afterward? We asked Stef, resident cartoonist (and sex-haver) (though not necessarily of the sploshing variety), to weigh in.
Carbs On A Lady, by Stef Schwartz
Interesting. I once employed some fruit during sex and it was the worst idea either of us has ever had, but I’m not sure that counts as sploshing.
According to the Urban Dictionary, sploshing is:
the act of placing food on another person, and usually eating it off of them, for pleasure. A full-bodied food fetish. Commonly used in present participal form sploshing. Can also be used as a noun splosh.
Have you sploshed? What’s it like? Do you frequent “wet and messy” forums and talk about cake batter? Do you relate to this person? If you haven’t sploshed but might like to, we can also talk about that. I hear vanilla cake batter is the way to go, but what’s stopping you from trying lemon? I mean really.
Thank you for this education. I have learned a new word.
All I can think of is the end of the movie Bridesmaids with Megan eating the sub off the Air Marshal. It’s hilarious, but not a thing I want.
Maybe ice cream would be okay though. Or vodka.
Alcoholic things that trickle over skin – I can *definitely* get with that.
My experience with sploshing is that one episode of Secret Diary of a Call Girl where the guy pours beans down the back of her panties and she smushes a cake at the end. Smushing cake sounds like fun but I don’t think it’d be sexual for me.
I actually think I’d like to platonically smush a cake.
one day i hope to have a gallery show where i just display a whole ms paint series called “carbs on a lady.”
I wonder if people on a Paleo diet would allow themselves to enjoy that exhibit…
I would pay to see that.
Combining food and sex actually sounds horrible to me. Partially because of this, I’ve never tried it. If I wanted to have sex with someone who’s really into it I’d definitely try it, but it sounds like something that’s pretty difficult to make sexy. I mean, when you overthink what eating is, you’re basically sticking carbon based products into a hole in your face and smooshing it all weirdly to combine it with your internal organs. Also, I have a complicated relationship with food, which I thought I should specify in case someone had a hard time telling.
I uh. Okay one time many many years ago someone ate couscous off of my stomach. I guess I have been the lady in “carbs on a lady”?
(That someone is now my ex-husband though due to me coming out of denial of my sexuality just to add some more excitement to the story)
I mean I don’t mind the idea of people eating off of me but I have no desire to eat off of anyone. Except maybe I could see how artfully arranging strawberries and blueberries and raspberries along someone’s back and then gently eating them off could be um interesting. Sensual but not necessarily sexual I guess? Hmm.
i don’t understand how i feel this way, but i think having someone eat couscous off your stomach sounds like the sweetest thing on earth? this is an unexpected feeling.
All I can think of after reading this is Samantha from sex and the city (which btw I always want to call sex the city. Am I alone in this? Does that title not make more sense somehow? Am I over thinking this?) laying naked on a table covered in sushi and trying to answer her cell phone.
(Although now that I really think about it, I don’t even remember if that happened or I’m making it up….)
That scene was in the movie and Smith worked late on Valentine’s Day and she was pissed.
Oh gosh I’m embarrassed for knowing that but I needed to validate you!
Oh, this scene you mean? What’s up
You are both heroes! Thank you for all the validation, that is definitely the scene I’m thinking of!
Read sploshing and immediately wondered if I needed gumboots/rain boots.
Spookily, I am home from work, in my pyjama pants eating yogurt that’s four days beyond its purported “best by” date. Because that’s what cool kids do.
And since you asked, it’s mainly just a lot of sex with myself.
#yogurttwins
I have gone as far as to very much enjoy cream-on-breasts (mental note, go out for some cream today) and have had strawbs placed inside/eaten out of me (this is awesome) but anything…salty…warm…greasy…cooked… eeeeesh please no. Gross gross gross.
I am working from home in pyjamas eating toast (which I don’t want to rub on anyone’s nipples) with two cats on me. As I imagine are around 63% of the people reading this post.
Okay the strawbs thing sounds kind of awesome. I am sold.
Yes, the strawberry thing is my reason of the day that I wish I had someone to do sex things with. Omfg
Nutella is great no matter what you spread it on, is all I’m saying.
I think I was much more ok with the concept before I found out it was called ‘sploshing’. The sound of people eating has actually forced me to leave rooms (the woman at the desk behind me eating three packets of potato chips a day? I’m developing a twitch), and ‘sploshing’ just sounds like the worst kind of chewing with your mouth open…
I agree. It’s a terrible word. Also I agree about the horribleness of hearing people eating. Especially behind you. Especially crunchy food. Augh!
Exactly! If you had told me about this concept but not the name, I would have been all for it. But after reading the article title, I was not expecting anything good. Maybe the Autostraddle community should rename sploshing. Ugh. It’s a gross word even to type out.
wasn’t there sploshing in a john waters movie or am i thinking of something else
definitely would peg john waters as a splosher. yes.
omg *peg*
I once tried to combine pop rocks and a blow job. AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT WAS BEYOND TERRIBLE.
i have a lot of respect for you right now.
isn’t it a thing that if you eat pop rocks and drink soda pop that your head will explode
is that a sexual thing
I think that’s called splashing?
I don’t event really like to eat at restaurants because of how many people touch your food, I don’t feel like I could handle this as a thing. However to each their own.
Also this made me think of how many times at camp Liz referenced cake sitting…
what is cake-sitting
is it like how a chicken sits on her eggs and they make chickadees
is cake-sitting how cupcakes get made
level with me here
Here is the very reputable urban dictionary definition…http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cake-sitting I particularly like the example sentence they use here.
“i like to cake sit because chocolate in my poontang is good”
I’m such a foodie that I think I’d pay more attention to the food I’m eating than the person I’m supposed to be sploshing. Would that be rude? Maybe a little?
Um. Yes.
What if you dribble your dinner all down your front then have sex immediately after, does that count.
Asking for a friend.
i think this officially counts, yes.
In that case, I splosh often.
All I could think would be “don’t mess up the sheets!” The strawberries thing sounds kinda cool, though. Sometimes when it’s really hot we use ice cubes or little plastic animals with ice in them (orig to keep your summer drink cool without diluting it.) That’s nice!
I’m fairly certain I salivate around food too much for sploshing to be sexy in any way. Like, am I a dog or what?? I’d just end up goobering all over my partner until the food was gone. Hott.
I don’t think I’d be into this just because I wouldn’t want to have to clean up afterwards. As a parent to small people, I already clean enough sticky substances off of random surfaces in my house.
Although, my wife and I did try this edible body powder stuff once, does that count? (I wasn’t super into it. It didn’t taste very good. Just fyi.)
Ok so new word. So now that I’ve thought about things I THINK I may have done sploshing unintentionally…not knowing there was a term for it. It was whipped cream and chocolate syrup I think…with someone when my human and I weren’t together together (MEMORIES) and THAT was definitely messy. I didn’t particularly enjoy it getting in my hair. And it turned me off. Like to the point where your thought process is “OMG WHEN IS THIS GOING TO END” (I would like to point out my decision-making skills at that time were impaired and led to consequences that involved stalking and my car’s eye (headlight) becoming broken and just stress so.)
So maybe it was the person right..because my wife and I have tried it (whilst not knowing that sploshing was a thing) She seems to enjoy it more (?) than I do BUT I think because of the fact that it’s her I seem to like it more and am more open to doing it. She seems to want to try something with Sprite and chocolate. I can’t really imagine someone going “Can we try sploshing with Sriracha sauce or jalapenos” though (?) YDY. And also the cake batter thing..I mean IF MY MOM KNEW WHAT THE FCK SPLOSHING WAS she would probably say not to use it because it contains raw egg.
And also seconding Ava’s question on does edible body stuff count or does it need to be actual food?
I knew joining A+ would be a wonderful experience.
I just searched for sploshing on Fetlife and came up with pictures of people covered in porridge and ice cream. I think I could get into licking cookie dough ice cream off my partner. I’ll report back with my findings. :P
porridge!
i thought porridge was the opposite of sex
people are so amazing and beautiful
COOKIE DOUGH ICE CREAM
I HAVE A PERFORMANCE PIECE THAT’S ABOUT SPLOSHING!
I didn’t even know that was the term for it until I had it booked for a queer party and someone told me that someone else had applied for a sploshing piece but I had beaten them to it.
The idea is a riff off “Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians” – essentially I pose nude or near-nude and invite audience members to paint me with sweet toppings. If they’re brave they can eat it off me. Sometimes I make a theme out of it – gold toppings (honey, golden syrup, etc) for a Gold-themed party or colouring everything blue for a Blue party. People are surprisingly shy – many just want to watch, or they draw art and calligraphy on me. Then you have the brave fun ones who nom on me and that is awesome.
It takes a while to shower off but I smell absolutely delicious for days afterwards. And no yeast infections so far!
I’ve gotten some really fun responses out of it:
1. People painting sprinkles on my face to make sprinkly facial hair
2. A butch lesbian popping by the Lesbian tent at a major LGBTQ New Years Party (they had a bunch of party rooms as well as group-specific resting tents) and, upon seeing me, exclaimed “THERE’S A NAKED LADY IN THE TENT AND I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO”. You’re a butch lesbian, I assume you know what to do with a naked lady.
3. An older woman who was swooning over me at the same event – we even made out a little bit. Later on her daughter (who’s closer in age to me) comes over and says “Oh my mum was raving about you – she’s straight though.” Didn’t seem all that straight to me!
I honestly feel really divine when I do this piece, it’s almost spiritual – being revered for my body with all its brownness and lumps and hair. The attention makes me feel like a goddess.
“It’s not like you’re putting peanut butter in a vagina like a goddamn Kong dog toy.” DEAD
I also didn’t know the term “sploshing”, but I think the closest is one time my girl spilled beer on me and decided to use her mouth to clean it up and liked that so much she ended up pouring half the bottle on me.
Why is the only sploshing I’ve ever heard of with sushi?
I’ve heard of the sushi thing done with candy, which is way more my speed.
The only time I came close to sploshing was this one time my ex was on a strict diet for work, so the only sugary thing she could eat was jelly beans. This made her so upset and bored with jelly beans she decided she wanted to spice them up by surprise pooling them on my stomach so she could chase them around with her mouth. It was super sexy for about three minutes then just became really funny when she couldn’t catch some of them.
http://www.kinkacademy.com is a PERF resource for sploshing info, y’all. I’ve watched all their videos on the subject and it makes so much more sense than just reading random info about it, IMHO. Like, I’d love to actually try it in a meaningful way. More than “erotic” or something [for me], it just sounds like a possibly cool sensory experience depending on the food materials.
Anyway. Sploshing/WAM aren’t really in the same ballpark as just run-of-the-mill food-play, like “ooh I put whip cream on your chest” kinda stuff. It’s in the same neighborhood, since food is involved, but it’s usually such a different frame of mind that I find it confusing/useless to combine them both. The goal with most folks doing the whipped cream and chocolate sauce kinda stuff is “yum, this is kinda naughty” versus going into a sploshing headspace that can bring in waaaaay more nuance, emotions, and even past sexual history into the mix.
It’s also super interesting how sploshing can intersect with other kinks and fetishes. Like, sploshing can be super adorable and lighthearted, but it can also involve dominance and submission, bondage, humiliation-play, and a bunch of other stuff.
CAN YOU TELL I AM A SEX EDUCATOR AND CARE ABOUT THIS KIND OF STUFF A LOT?
Also, if you hate the word, you can just call it “wet and messy food play” or WAM as they do in some of the linked articles :)
Also, caveats/clarifications: sploshing OFTEN happens with food but can be done with other stuff, like lotions, mud, and the like. The eating of sushi off a person, specifically, is called nyotaimori or nantaimori [each word is gendered], and I believe wouldn’t really be classified as sploshing or WAM. *rides away into the sunset*