Letter From Your Editors

Hello Autostraddle Plus Members!

Welcome to the third edition of the Insider Newsletter, brought to you by the Senior Staff of Autostraddle.com, your #1 source for tips on helicopter flying and root vegetables. It’s autumn, my favorite season and a season typically associated with “going back to school.” In honor of that association, despite its lack of relevance to our lives at this juncture, this month’s Senior Staff Photo will take a hop-skip-and-a-jump down memory lane to when we were little grrrls in the world heading off to school to learn how to be people so we could grow up and make this magical website!

Things we’re excited about these days: showing up on the first page of Google results for “lesbian,” integrating new Contributing Editors and Writers into our lives and hearts while also maintaining our original voice/spirit, collaborating on a ‘zine project with our friends Kristin and Dannielle of Everyone is Gay, Carmen Rios achieving her dream of going viral, raspberries in general, Words With Girls, the Missandrist t-shirts, the fact that Riese and Laneia only use the word “self-care” ironically, maybe eventually finishing the Orange is the New Black recaps, trying to nail down A-Camp 2015 dates and being The Most Popular Queer Women’s Website in the Universe! We’re also SO OVER this advertising game, y’all. Shit’s just not happening for us. We are SO AWESOME yet nobody wants to advertise on our scary website, plus the digital advertising world is moving away from direct ad sales towards sponsored content anyhow. So we’re talking a lot about merchandise, an exciting spin-off project that is TOP SECRET right now, and also how to better sell A+ to readers who don’t actually understand that we aren’t rich and famous like Kanye.

Some A+ Updates: We’re running a contest right now so that some cats who can’t afford A+ can join it, and we’re currently at 552 paid members, which is over 100 new members since our last Insider! We recorded the A+ podcast for the very third time last week and this time will be the winner, we’re sure of it. Intern Grace will finish editing that sucker this very weekend! We don’t have any exciting “things we can afford now” updates ’cause we’re just kinda barely maintaining this month, but we hope that you took a minute to read Laneia’s photoessay on going home again, Rachel’s confessions of a former pathological liar, our meditative reflections on toes-in-vaginas, Grace’s interview with her ex-girlfriend and the third issue of the A+ Bee and felt you got some serious bang for your buck this month. T-shirts are being mailed out right now and if you’ve not gotten your sticker yet and it’s been a while, hit up bren [at] autostraddle [dot] com.

Have we thanked you for your support today? Well: thank you. We love your nail polish / nails in general.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne

---

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From August 2014

These posts were hella popular this month.

1. Nicki Minaj’s Feminism Isn’t About Your Comfort Zone: On “Anaconda” and Respectability Politics, by Carmen Rios

Before long, that shit went mad viral…

Carmen: guys the comments on my article have devolved in the past hour to “this author is a young bitch who knows nothing” and “look at the white girl who wrote this article”
i am emotionally unprepared for both so just a heads-up that if they continue a kanye west-like twitter rant will follow and i am not responsible for how it ends.

We started to dream big…

Rachel: hopefully we have helped to facilitate the first step in carmen and nicki becoming best friends and smoking weed and drinking daiquiris together
Riese: they could instagram it, that would be good for our instagram presence
Rachel: i bet carmen has a lot of good hashtags in mind
Riese: maybe nicki will give carmen a lapdance
they could vine it
Rachel: we should probably talk to nicki’s PR people
tell them we have a lot of ideas
Riese: mostly for instagram

2. California Passes Affirmative Consent Bill; Rape Apologists Retreat Into Fantasy, by Laura Mandanas

3. BREAKING: Samira Wiley and Lauren Morelli Are Lesbianing Together, by Riese Bernard

4. Drawn To Comics: Meet the “Trans Girl Next Door,” by Mey Rude

5. Katy Perry Continues Scaling New Heights of Cultural Appropriation, by Hannah Hodson

6. The Facts on Ferguson: What’s Happened and How You Can Help, by Rachel Kincaid

7. Ten Truly Terrible Pieces of Advice Offered To and About Bisexuals, by Rachel Kincaid

8. Leaders of the New School: 15 Queer Female Hip-Hop Artists You Should Know, by Kathy Harris

9. Bubbline is Canon, Commence Freakout, Y’all, by Briana Ureña-Ravelo

10. Unfortunately, This Magical Anti-Rape Nail Polish Won’t Save Us, by Audrey

---

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Conversations on pressing editorial matters pulled from e-mails and Skype Chats.

Stef: shout out to the commenter on mari’s article who thinks bisexuals have fewer orgasms because we’re so confused!
Riese: wait but how does that fit in to bisexuals being insatiable nymphomaniacs
Audrey: bisexuals actually hate orgasms because they get in the way of our ability to control our activity partners’ minds.
Stef: i mean i think it probably has to do with what audrey mentioned, overall poor emotional health, higher rates of depression, anxiety, hypertension, alcoholism, whathaveyou, but also with being ghosts. it’s really hard to orgasm if you’re just a floating sheet with eyeholes.

---

Maddie: YOU GUYS I AM IN LANEIA’S LIVING ROOM AND SHE IS MAKING ME BREAKFAST POTATOES AND THEY SMELL REALLY GOOD
Rachel: Laneia are there enough breakfast potatoes for me to have some
Laneia: there are enough potatoes for everyone yes. also siracha ketchup because i love you guys.
Lizz: I want you guys to visit ME and eat MY potatoes!
Riese: that’s what she said
Lydia: what is this Siracha Ketchup?!?!? IS THIS A THING YOU HAVE IN AMERICA?!?! ship me some illegally.
Laneia: YOU MAKE IT YOURSELF IT’S SO EASY you just put ketchup in a bowl and then squeeze sriracha on top of it and then you stir it and you shout I MADE SRIRACHA KETCHUP IF ANYONE WANTS SOME and then everyone loves you and is your friend.
Rachel: did i miss my chance to make a joke about eating lizz’s potatoes

---

Laneia: rachel, what if you wrote a piece on how to be calm and not listen to self-doubt but you just gave it to me and riese and yvonne
Rachel: oh hm tbh i don’t think i have that information
i could write a piece on being driven by constant anxiety and tying your self worth entirely to your productivity so you work all the time and thereby get a lot of things done
i think that would ultimately be counterproductive though

---

Lizz: Happy birthday to everyone! Another person who was born today was a little girl who was the first baby I ever delivered entirely (mostly) by myself!
Brianna: whoa that is punk as fuck Lizz
Laneia: LIZZ THAT MADE ME CRY
Helen: That sounds like some badass womb shit
Lydia: Lizz that’s the coolest! That baby shares a birthday with P!nk and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. #nowyouknow
Stef: I hope that when I am born that Lizz delivers me.

---

Riese: Wait, what is it about this situation that they didn’t understand?
Laneia: i thought it was pretty clear
Rachel: that will be on the senior editorial headstone when we all die together of incredulity and exhaustion
“I Thought It Was Pretty Clear, 2009-2017”
Grace: 2017?
that’s optimistic

---

Rachel: does one of us need to take action re: the vee supercut
Riese: yes
Yvonne: i told stef to do it
Rachel: oh! thank you yvonne
yvonne saves the day again
what if we did top ten times yvonne saved the day for the insider
Yvonne: oh rachel, if this list was about you it would be top 100 times rachel saved the day
Rachel: top 500 times the day was saved, just sort of generally
Riese: that’s a lot of days
did we save that many days
i mean i’m open to the possibility that we did
Rachel: it’s only as many days as summer
so when you think about it like that

---

Laneia: I AM SO TIRED
why does coffee do nothing
Rachel: i don’t know!
Laneia: i need it to do something
Riese: you should try cocaine
Laneia: do they make cocaine machines
Rachel: i bought a new kind of coffee b/c they don’t have the kind i like and the beans look SO dark and like sort of shiny and it really felt like this coffee would be intense, like i would be up until 3 am rearranging furniture and writing manifestos
but nope
next to nothing
Laneia: GOD
this world is cruel
Rachel: this cocaine machine idea has a lot of merit, though, i think
let’s keep that on the table

---

Riese: ILENE CHAIKEN TWEETED KATE’S ARTICLE HAS SHE FORGOTTEN THAT SHE HATES US
Kate: ONE STEP CLOSER TO TAKING OVER ILENE CHAIKEN’S EMPIRE. I HAVE WON HER TRUST, NOW I MUST CHARM HER WITH MY BODY. THE PLAN IS ALL COMING TOGETHER

---

Mey: You guys, someone pointed out on Drawn to Comics that this guy Adam WarRock, who I guess does like nerdcore or something, made a song about Lumberjanes.
Stef: omg congratulations grace on your upcoming lawsuit

---

Helen: I don’t think I ship Kelly Clarkson and Nicki Minaj buuuut if Nicki can get Kelly to join the rainbow side, I’m about it
Carmen: i’m trying not to think about the time nicki minaj responded to a subtweet from kelly clarkson but ignored my tweets that landed in her notifications box tbh
Helen: Carmen, I’m sure Nicki only ignored your tweets because she was too busy printing them off and framing them for her shrine to you #TeamCarminaj

---

Riese: i wish you wrote a taco column yvonne
Yvonne: maybe i should do drugs and then write
the drugs would be for my crippling self-doubt
Laneia: i just love you and i don’t think we’ve given anyone enough of you
you could start w/ 5hr energy
start small
or like, some diet pills. that’s what i did in 7th grade
Riese: word
Yvonne: all good ideas
thanks for saying that laneia , i <3 you too!
Rachel: yvonne i will mail you muffins if you write a thing
Laneia: what if we send you homemade edible arrangements !
muffins on sticks
we can cut flower shapes out of raw potatoes?

“My root is wanting to bang Rachel in college. Is there a classy way to put that in writing?”
– Lizz, on the “root” that brought her to Autostraddle

Meet Some New Contributors!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Loraine Kanervisto, Writer

Website: lorainekv
Tumblr: jammerwoch
Twitter: @lorainekv

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
I like that weird staring octopus emoji on my iPhone. Its expression is inscrutable. It can be used to evoke everything from Zoidberg to Cthulhu.

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Buffalo chicken tender sandwiches.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
Aww, I almost feel bad sharing these. I’m one of those people who remains on really good terms with every single one of my exes. Every single one.

But I did date someone who openly disregarded parking, driving, and jaywalking laws constantly. Her car got towed at least twice after dates, and we’d end up at the city car pound where hopes, dreams, and relationships go to die.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
The Feeldoe in blue or purple. I was gonna analyze why I like this toy so much, and for some reason Portal 2 popped into my head. And then I decided not to pursue that train of thought.

But seriously, I like how the Feeldoe blurs the lines of giving and receiving and all the odd gender baggage surrounding it.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
A blend of spooky goth sensibilities, intellect, and mischief. If you tossed a Sorting Hat at me and my wife, I’d be Slytherin and she’d be Ravenclaw. The perfect criminal duo. It’s freaking hot.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Call-out culture. It halts discussion and rips groups apart. I’ve watched this happen IRL and online, and I don’t feel like it helps social justice move forward at all.

---

Alley Hector, Contributing Editor

twitter: @qpdx
facebook: alleyhector
instagram: alleyhector
linkedin: linkedin
tumblr: alleyhector

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
A monkey that can see no evil. (It’s so versatile and cute!)

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Anything weird and with a lot of stuff. I love to combine meat and cheese with something spicy and sweet. I used to make a sandwich with apples, hummus, onions, cheese, cukes and whatever else on naan. But maybe that’s not a good example because I really do like meat. Maybe throw some bacon on there? Portland loves weird sandwiches so anything from Lardo or Bunk Sandwiches.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I have been on a plethora of boring or slightly annoying first dates. I actually kind of loathe them which is why more often I just ask people to dance and that 5 minute song can be our “first date.”

But one that comes to mind is waiting for an hour while someone took a test or another where I was trapped at a pool party that I couldn’t escape. I feel a little judgmental about that one because I partially wanted to get out of there when he told me that he couldn’t go out after 7pm because he had a curfew. He lived in a transitional shelter for men struggling with addictions, unemployment or homelessness. (I really don’t need more to deal with in my life). But really it was more because he kept being condescending about trans issues, always assuming I had no idea what he was talking about even after I had told him that I had dated several trans men before.

But the silliest one was just when I ran into a good friend who was also on another bad first date at a bar. We were sitting across the room from each other but within eye distance so there was plenty of (not so sly?) eye rolling to each other as we bobble-head-nodded in the direction of our smoothie-only-dieting, sober, bridge and tunnel dates. Luckily we had cocktails and greasy fries to get us through.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
This one is tough. For solo fun I generally like a pretty powerful vibe but the plugin ones are so damn loud. My housemate just gave me a We Vibe, which is ok strong for a little handheld vibe and recharges. So that’s pretty good. In terms of with a partner, I do just love a basic strap on, although the setup and the time that takes is never sexy. Even worse for that is this very beautiful but complicated (especially if you’re a little tipsy in the dark) fancy leather adjustable harness with a little silver star on one buckle that holds two dildos. One for you and one for your partner. But you gotta be super ready to go when you put it on right?

I haven’t tried it yet but what I’m super excited for is this new product I just contributed to the IndieGoGo for the Ambrosia Vibe. I’ve always been fascinated with being able to put my body part in someone else and really feel it and since that’s pretty damn difficult this seems like the possible next best, thing. I have such high expectations I hope they are not dashed!

What’s your #1 turn-on?
Depth and nuance mixed with a sense of humor. By that I mean we need to be able to in one moment have a deep intellectual and/or spiritual conversation in the next get ridiculously silly, drunkenly dance, and make super stupid jokes.

That said, sexually I tend to gravitate toward people who want me to top them but if someone is able to jump the hurdle and top me it makes it that much more special.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
EGO. (and being rude and inconsiderate, which usually follows ego)

---

Kesiena Boom, Contributor

tumblr: logging out of patriarchy

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably the heart eyes one. I like how extra it is.

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Ohmydays definitely something with avocado in it. And some kind of slightly fancy cheese, like halloumi. I don’t mind if my sandwich ingredients go together or not so I might add sun dried tomatoes and sweet chilli sauce too. And jalapeños! And sweetcorn!

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I’m super lucky in that I’ve never been on an awful date (despite the fact I’ve dated some awful people). I once watched the episode of the L word where Dana dies on a date. That was… inadvisable. But then we had sex and I felt much better.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
I’m too broke to actually own anything interesting. I have a bullet and I’m very appreciative of it.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
Self assuredness

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Conservatism.

---

Hannah Hodson, Writer

instagram: scary spice
twitter: @brooklynrose718

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
THIS ONE!

Because I seriously make that face all the time. It’s actually not very cute.

Apparently it also looks like this on android which is cool:

In searching for that emoji, I discovered the emoji website, which offers suggestions like “Why Not Try: Thermometer, Tulip, Pile of Poo…” How did they know I was just Googling the approximate heat of a pile of poo?

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
I want to answer this with some kind of sexual innuendo, but I have to keep it real: Tomato, Basil, Mozzarella, drizzled with balsamic on sourdough. That’s my dream sammy but my lactose intolerance prevents me from actually eating it… unless I have been drinking in which case I’m eating all the TBMs and margherita pizzas within arms reach.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
My first ever Tindr date where I thought this girl was 18, which already should have been a red flag, but then it turned out she was actually 17. She was also wearing rave candy and proudly told me that she was a drug dealer. It was all around uncomfortable. I really hope she doesn’t read Autostraddle. I mean… I hope she does, just that she doesn’t read this.

What’s your favorite sex toy?
Not huge on toys generally. I have my trusty hot pink vibrator from PicoBong, but I only use that alone so i guess I consider it more of a tool than a toy?

I guess it’s my Uberlube, because it comes in a sexy bottle that you can leave out on your nightstand and it looks like a bottle of perfume. It also works really well. I’m just now learning that they also market it as an anti-chafe solution for athletes as well as a frizzy hair serum… so that’s kind of odd. Kudos to them for expanding their market I guess.

What’s your #1 turn-on?
Nice teeth.

What’s your #1 turn-off?
Bad teeth/bad breath. If you always have something stuck in your teeth I won’t even get close to you. Blegh.

“I just had to spell the word “straddle” for a PR guy FOUR TIMES before he understood the name of our website. You know how it’s really hard for, e.g., English speakers to interpret Arabic sounds because they are so outside of our standard set of phonetics? Maybe the word Autostraddle is only audible to raging lesbian feminists and misandrists.” – Audrey

Five Brilliant Ideas We Had This Month

1. Nerd-Inspired Fashion Series

Ali: So what if I did nerd-inspired fashion. Not cosplay, but like — every-day outfits inspired by our favorite geeky fictional characters. Specifically I am thinking about Marceline, but I am also personally looking for a Sherlock coat that’s not upwards of a thousand dollars and should I find things, could probably turn that into something/also purchase a winter coat that I actually like for the first time in literally years.
Rachel: Ali this is a personal request but I have a strong desire to dress more like mr. rogers, and while I realize he isn’t a nerd pop culture icon I feel like a lot of geeks could relate. I just want some nice cardigans and slacks
Ali: THIS IS IN FACT HOW I WOULD LIKE TO EXIST ALL THE TIME YES I WILL DO IT.

2. Break-Up Article Quiz

Rachel: I wish we could do an article that included both real things people have said when breaking up with us and also things characters in kim k have said during breakups and made readers guess which were real

3. Break-Up Personals Service

Rachel: What if AS ran a tacky breakup personals service. like once a week we would post breakup messages.”Henrietta: jane says sorry, but she feels really overwhelmed with work stuff right now and doesn’t think it’s a good time for a relationship. thanks for getting brunch that time! she’ll give your tank top to your roommate.”

4. Soft Foods, Cheese and B+ 

Laura: I would be thrilled to make a list of soft foods for adults. Like, foods you can eat in case someone shoots you in the face. Or you have teeth problems or cold sores or something.
Brittani: Then I’ll do best cheeses, ranked, and put American as number one and probably everyone will boycott the site.
Rachel: Brittani is the queen of Problematic Food Preferences and I’m really into it
Riese: Can Brittani have a column called Problematic Food Preferences?
Rachel: That can be a part of my brilliant plan for B+, the future members-only content space which contains writing by Brittani and no one else

5. Quartzcenter

Mey: Michael Sam (dependent on a physical tomorrow) is going to be signed to the Dallas Cowboys practice squad. Is this something we want an article about?
Gabby: holy shit michael sam is going to be a dallas fucking cowboy??? so so excited. i was feeling all types of ways reading those “michael sam has been overlooked by every damn nfl team” articles banging around my feeds
oh shit, wait he’s going to be signed by their practice squad? oh… damn….
Mey: Yeah, but practice squad people are often the first to be brought up in case of injury and the cowboys have a lot of injuries on their defensive line, so it’s not really put of this world to think he could play for them sometime this season.
Gabby: yeah but don’t you think that it’s all some serious bullshit that he wasn’t drafted to team straight out the gate, no pun all the puns intended? MEY WE SHOULD LIVEBLOG FOOTBALL THINGS
Laneia: I MEAN, IF Y’ALL WANT TO DO A QUEER SPORTSCENTER EVERY WEEKEND I SURE AS HECK WOULDN’T STOP YOU. I’M JUST SAYING.
Yvonne: omg i just imagined mey and gabby wearing little headsets even though they don’t wear headsets on sportscenter
Stef: What was that fake show on 30 rock? Sports yelling?
Mey: I would be totally down for that and totally wear a headset for it
Laneia: i want to call our version Quartz, which is queer + sports
omg omg omggggg seriouslyyyyy would you want to do a friday roundup of games to watch this weekend/monday and why and y’all just being Y’ALL ? bc we would publish the shit out of that. and obvs w/ a better name than quartz bc that was jk.
I MEAN NO PRESSURE OR ANYTHING no pressure. think about it.
Stef: SPORTS SHOUTING
Gabby: holy hell, i’d be down to do Auto Quartz the show where we shout SPORTS while wearing headsets.

---

That Time Stef Made An Autostraddle Media Pass

Mari: Random thought: Have we ever thought about having press identification designed/printed, for those times when we’re doing in-person reporting and need to be able to identify ourselves as media? I ask only because the rally I’m covering on Saturday said “oh, just wear whatever your standard media badge is” when I talked to them. Just curious.
Riese: “standard media badge”? is that a thing? am i qualified for this job i have given myself.
can they be in a nice font
Gabby: riese you should dial 1-900 Mix-A-Lot if you’re confused
Stef: can they be in comic sans
Lizz: How about CurlzMT?
Stef: I guess I have to do everything around here

---

Flashback 2010: When Riese Discovered that Carmen Existed

“Tangent: there’s an ad at the bottom for Slate Plus offering subscribers a podcast featuring Dan Savage talking about sex, gender and relationships in Orange is the New Black. Not only would I never pay to listen to that, you couldn’t pay me to listen to it.” – Fikri

Some Answers To Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us

Do you have burning questions about what the fuck is going on around here, Doris? Ask us — just use the A+ priority contact form in your sidebar.

Is there an article you read for when you accidentally watch boys don’t cry. this is the kind of help we need, autostraddle.
Laneia will answer this question for you!

Here are some things I read when something has forced me to confront the harsh, depressing reality that is life on this planet.

Top Ten Terrible Things That Probably Won’t Happen To You Today — It’s perfect because it’s true.

22 Reasons Why I’m Not a Hipster — Part one of feeling better is reading the post, part two of feeling better is reading the enraged comments.

Top 10 ’90s Movies Beloved By Girls Who Turned Out Gay — Maybe you want some other movie suggestions, or maybe you just wonder what it was like to be a preteen kid in the early 90s who’d eventually be queer (we were really into witchcraft, first of all). Either way, this is a good restart button after a horrible sad day.

I hope you feel better, soft-hearted reader friend! xoxo

Is no one going to talk about the fact Dianna Agron is going to play a lesbian in a movie?
DIANNA AGRON IS GOING TO PLAY A LESBIAN IN A MOVIE!!!!! Seriously you should try googling “Dianna Agron lesbian” because lemme tell you, this alleged movie role is not the first result to come up.

Is the column on spirituality still going on? That was really cool! I’ d love to see it again!
Yes! It is on hiatus but will return. I think that’s what “on hiatus” means.

Y U NO Grey’s Anatomy recap? Maybe Just the gay parts…
Welp, because you are a loyal reader and commenter my friend, we are going to make this happen for you. YOU HAVE TO PROMISE TO READ AND COMMENT.

I’d love to read AS reviews of important queer, feminist, intersectional theorists, kind of like “bell hooks in 10 minutes” with major arguments, works, etc. I don’t know if such a series would be of broad interest, however!
This sounds neat! Also like a thing we’d be frustrated if nobody read / commented on, but that wouldn’t stop us from trying! I am putting this idea out in to the world and we’ll see what happens next.

Love you guys and the work you do! Although I’m not surprised you got some backlash for launching A+. Some people want everything for free, but economic realities mean that paying subscriptions is the future (as it was the past). Anyway, question: my wife was dearly looking forward to your promised music video featuring Alex getting Tinkerbell tattooed on her tush. Did I totally miss this, or did it not work out?
What happened was that instead of making a video, we gave a shit-ton of money to the IRS! Pro Tip: If you’re gonna fundraise, do it at the beginning of the year, not the end of the year, ’cause if there’s a whole bunch of money in your account at the end of the year you’re gonna get screwed on taxes. However, as for why Alex did not get the tattoo, I would have to say the reason for that is that ALEX IS A LIAR.

Can we have karaoke at A-Camp next year as an alternative to Klub Deer?
The room now known as Klub Deer used to have karaoke in it, but nobody did the karaoke, and getting the karaoke machine was this very complicated procedure involving FedEx. Sooooooooooo

Will there be fundraising for the website this year?
You’re looking at it!

Hey! Um, would it be super great/cool/awesome if we did kind of a couchsurfing classifieds board thing that we could access in the members section so that we could spread our wings/the love within Straddlers (also could be lifesaving for straddlers suddenly without a surface to sleep on)? [idea credit: my partner] :)
Ugh you know what, I had this idea for a lesbian craigslist for gigs and roommates/sublets/couchsurfing literally FIVE YEARS AGO but we haven’t gotten anywhere with it yet. :-/ Maybe everybody who has a couch somebody could sleep on could e-mail me with their name, city/state of residence, a picture of them and their couch, a little bit about you and your couch and your neighborhood, and how to get in touch with you about your couch? And we could start building a database for that specifically on A+.

Ok so I’m kind of active on other sites right and I guess some of you know what I’m talking about when I get to my point. I also have a firm belief someone else has asked this before me. Ok so personally, the one thing that has ALWAYS intrigued me here on the website is of course the staff. Some members intrigue me too but committed. OK. I’m not sure how to totally moderate it so it doesn’t get too personal but what if you guys did a sort of AskMeAnything kind of thing. It would be interesting to find out stuff. I mean I’m sure people want to know what fave color the staff have but I think it would be also interesting to know for example “Riese, what guilty pleasure do you have?” or “Laneia, when was the last time you shouted the last person’s name you made out with into the woods?” I know, I know its going to get personal and I’m sure there’s some sort of way to moderate this but I think that because we’re a tighter knit community than most then it would keep that sort of feeling alive. Then IDK maybe some of the really outgoing members (myself included) could be asked stuff.
Well, we did Invasive Personal Questions for the A+ podcast but we could do them for other contexts too, like whole posts of them if you wanted to? Also, I just sang along to “You Belong With Me” in the car, so.

“I am channeling all my rage about Ferguson into one commenter and hopefully i’m going to make her cry.”
-Rachel, August 2014

---

MINI-INTERVIEW WITH AN EDITOR: CARMEN RIOS, STRADDLEVERSE & FEMINISM

What do you do in your job?
I oversee two sections for the website, which is so fun because they’re so different. I’m the Feminism Editor, which means I curate content about the feminist movement and write Rebel Girls to save us all, and I’m the Deputy Straddleverse Editor, so I coordinate meet-up weeks and force people to become friends via the Friday Open Thread. While I’m working to provoke conversations about social justice and intersectionality, I’m also working to make sure they’re falling in love and creating special spaces in their communities. Right now, I’m working on fixing up our Events portal so that folks feel more inclined to host meet-ups around the year, and we’re building up a fun, new Straddleverse series. Over the past couple of months, we also really hashed out what the Feminism section looks like, so now I have to get cracking on making it happen.

What is your vision for the section?
I want the Feminist Internet to catch on to what we’re doing over at Autostraddle. We’re so frequently overlooked as a feminist space because we’re LGBT-identified, and that sucks.

What would be your dream pitch?
When I write Rebel Girls, I dream about knowing everything. I don’t. I would really love to bring in some Guest Professors! That being said, I’m open to everything and yet I feel like nobody pitches me. PITCH ME.

What’s the hardest part?
As Straddleverse Editor, my awkwardness in real life is the hardest part. I sincerely apologize to any who met me and thought I would instantly be a hoot. It takes like 2-3 drinks to make me a hoot.

Favorite online writer/editor / or like your hero?
Coke Talk. Period.

What do you wish people understood about your job?
That I have a full-time job on the side.

Favorite snack to eat while working?
Anything that is both cheese-flavored and a cracker, like Goldfish or Cheez-Its, or an actual cheese and cracker spread, is perfection. Aside from that, party mix.

What would be the song that a montage of you doing your job would be set to?
There’s a Pandora station I work to every single day called “i am gonna do this.” The seeds include Paul Simon’s “Graceland,” HAIM, Sublime, and “This Could Be The Place” by the Talking Heads. If that isn’t the soundtrack to my life, the next-best thing is definitely the audio track to the entire series of “Frasier.”

---

Your Monthly Infographic About You

We did an Autostraddle reader survey this summer and found out a lot of shit about you. Here’s one of those things.

---

September Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Septembers Riese thinks you might enjoy.

Lesbian Bromance Is Here (2009), by Katrina – This is genuinely retro! This felt like a very new concept when they wrote about it. I mean it’s retro for lots of reasons, but awww. Baby Katrina and Baby Lex and Baby Vashti! Remember when readers gave us the benefit of the doubt and we didn’t have to cater our writing to willfull misreaders who interpret everything in the worst possible way? Those were the days.

On Display: Navigating The Male Gaze As a Trans Woman (2011), by Annika – What makes this story even more interesting is that Annika was in a fraternity at USC so she has this wealth of experience from being privy to the very heart of male chauvinism before transitioning. So seeing it from the other side for her was especially intense.

Top 5 Things To Drink When You’re Broke That Aren’t Water (2011) – Vintage Brittani. “Not all of us can be refrigerator raiders and have milk all the time.”

If Lindsay Lohan is “Pathetic,” So Am I (2010), by anon – This is a really brave, honest, vulnerable piece about drug addiction and I’m proud that we published it and if you knew who wrote it I think you would love her even more than you already do but I’m not gonna tell you, SO THERE. It made a lot of rounds on social media and a weird thing that happened is that people thought it was written by a dude.

Oh Gay Cupid! 21 Signs Your OKCupid Date Isn’t Going Well (2012), by Lizz – “She isn’t upset that the American Girl Doll Samantha is being retired.”

---

---

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

1. Top Ten Brunch Hacks That Will Save Your Life, by Elicia Sanchez
I know you think you’re brunched out after Brunch Week(s), but you are wrong. This article helped me understand and appreciate chicken and waffles, and I’m a vegan. Come on get in here.

2. A Staggering 70% of Female Scientists Are Sexually Harassed While Doing Fieldwork, by Robin Yang
This is ridiculous, seriously! I mean honestly you could substitute the nouns and this is still horrifying; no group should ever have to face sexual harassment in their work, let alone a 70% chance of it. But it’s especially important to learn about because of what it means to have more women in STEM; in order for research, medicine, technology and scientific inquiry to be pursued in a way that makes a positive difference for women, we need women in STEM. And with statistics like this, the numbers of women in STEM are going to stay low.

3. South Asian Queers Occupy Heteronormative Space at NYC India Day Parade, by Jay
The public space and performance that is a parade is so complex and fraught — there’s been a lot of writing the past few years about how different types of queers engage in or sit out from or protest or complicate or engage with Pride parades, and I really appreciated Jay’s writing about SALGA’s participation in NYC’s India Day Parade and what it meant.

4. Lesbian Badass Megan Smith Named Obama’s Chief Technology Officer, Rejoice!, by Ali
HEY LOOK do you remember how I was just talking about how important it is to have women in tech and STEM up above? Well hot diggity dog, lesbian Megan Smith was just named Obama’s Chief Technology Officer. Ali has some really good and smart thoughts about what her leadership might mean!

5. Drinking My Way Through Texas: A Beer Diary of Sorts, by Audrey
Audrey is so talented at writing about the nuances of home and what it means to return there. This is about beer and Audrey’s changing tastes for it but also about what changes in our lives and what doesn’t and friends and family and how sometimes it’s important to drink five beers before 3 PM.

---

Rachel’s Tea Pick Of the Month

Ginger Peach Black Tea: I think that this is an excellent middle-of-the-road sipping tea for both the beginning tea enthusiast and the experienced tea aficionado. It’s interesting and more flavorful than the plain black tea that you buy in cardboard boxes at the supermarket, but doesn’t taste like a fruit roll-up either, which is a beef I have with many teas that incorporate fruit adjunct flavors in some way. Probably you could put milk in this if you want, although I personally exercise my right not to. Autumn is an excellent time to sip this tea as you think about sweaters and whether or not you can afford to turn your heat above 61 degrees, but they make a version specially formulated for iced tea as well, and I can vouch that it is also delightfully refreshing in that manner, maybe with a little mint.

---

Carolyn’s Sex Toy Recommendation Of the Month

This under the bed restraint system requires no skill whatsoever to use, unless you are bad at velcro. It goes under your mattress, so it works if you don’t have a headboard or even bedframe and is easy to leave surreptitiously set up full time. The cuffs are lined and fairly comfortable, very adjustable, and difficult (though possible) to escape without assistance. I go on about the magic of rope a lot, because rope is the most versatile thing you can use to restrain someone (besides your words). But the thing about rope is it takes time and patience and a learning curve that varies between “watched a YouTube video a few times until I got it” and “semi-private classes,” which is fun unless you have someone’s hands pinned by the headboard and you want to consensually keep them there right now because otherwise she’s going to squirm away again and you’d both rather she didn’t, in which case having a built in restraint system you don’t actually have to build in is just perfect.

You can also get this Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System from Amazon for the bargain-basement price of $11.09 (which is 85% off!) but be prepared to wait up to six weeks for delivery. Also, Babeland sells Under-the-Bed Restraints for $58.

---

---

“Mermaids Are The Original Lesbian Separatists”

Rachel: When we someday make a Venn diagram about fantasy creatures and bisexuals it’s going to be so beautiful
Riese: “all vampires are bisexual” in True Bloodland
Stef: i can confirm that that’s actually just true about all vampires
Riese: but in that Twilight movie y’all made me go see it didn’t seem like anybody was bisexual
Laneia: riese those were mormon vampires
Stef: i definitely think dakota fanning was bisexual
also alice
also let’s get real, carlisle
i am so ashamed
Rachel: 100% of vampires and succubi are bisexual, 30% of werewolves, and about 60% of elves
leprechauns are also all bisexual but also don’t exist, information which is commonly misinterpreted and explains widespread disbelief in bisexuals
Stef: if all vampires are bisexual
are all bisexuals vampires?
something to think about
Rachel: roughly half of ghosts are bisexual; a significant portion become bisexual after death even if they were straight or gay in life
Stef: would love to see data re: werewolves, demon possessions, frankenstein monsters, swamp things, maybe even godzillas
Rachel: Don’t Forget the B in LGBT, where in this instance B stands for “Swamp Things”
Audrey: Wait, now I’m confused. Is it that all bisexuals are unicorns or that all unicorns are bisexuals?
Laura: It is both, Audrey. “Bi” means two.
Rachel: neither, unicorns actually ID as ‘omnisexual’
Audrey: Thanks for clarifying Laura and Rachel! Maybe now I can finally explain my identity to my stepdad.
Stef: “you need help: you’re a swamp thing, and lesbians don’t want to date you cos they’re afraid you’ll leave them for heterosexual privilege”
Rachel: “it happened to me: i’m a composite of multiple grave-robbed corpses and also bisexual”
Mey: This is like the fifth conversation I’ve had about the Bisexuality of All Vampires. We even talked about it in a gothic literature class I took in college while we were reading Dracula. Also Godzilla is a masculine of center lesbian. That’s why she’s called “King of all Monsters”
Rachel: is mothra a hard femme
Robin: I’d like to submit my thesis that mermaids are the original lesbian separatists
Rachel: have we landed anywhere re: selkies
Robin: i know a mermaid who knows a selkie, i’ll reach out to them and take the temperature of the community
Riese: damn we do some important work around here

---

XOXO Team Autostraddle