Letter From Your Editors

Here we are, and we sure look hot:

1st: Meg // Casey // Dani // Malic // Laneia // Stef
2nd: Nicole // Carmen // Rachel // Adrian // Sarah // Drew
3rd: Vanessa // Riese // Carolyn // Abeni // Valerie Anne // Heather

I’m writing you this letter in the middle of the night (3:06AM in fact), less than a week after taking over as interim Editor-in-Chief. I wish I had more insights to share with you, from this weird new perch, but honestly right now my main ones are: Insomnia is a torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy and old reruns of Gossip Girl hold up surprisingly well (I just finished the season where Hilary Duff and Vanessa make out, and then Lena Adams-Foster tries to steal Rufus away from Lily)… we’re not necessarily off to an auspicious start, are we?

Well, 2020 was a fucking ride! And the majority of the twists and turns that came our way were of the very hard variety. It’s mind boggling to me that we are finally saying goodbye to a year that’s felt more like a decade, and even more honestly felt most like a decade if that decade was the plot of Mad Max: Fury Road without all the fun, sexy Charlize Theron parts (I promise you that next month’s letter will have 50% less pop culture references, like I said — it’s the middle of the night). If I was going to extend this analogy just a little bit further, much like the dystopian queerly dressed badass warriors of Mad Max: Fury Road, we’re still here — we’re still fighting in the desert together. Y’all I have never seen this movie, I just have a lot of Charlize fantasies. I’m so sorry I took us down this journey. Here’s one of my favorite memes from the last year, vaguely related to the topic at hand, to soothe our souls.

What I expected my apocalyptic outfit to look like vs what it is. https://t.co/3wiH4WYjUF pic.twitter.com/43JVyS5zrH

— Carmen Phillips (@carmencitaloves) March 21, 2020

Ok — so to be serious for a minute: 2020 was very easily one of the worst years of my life, and I know it was the same for a lot of you reading this letter right now. There were pockets of joy scattered about, which we held on to with our haggard clenched fists, because our resiliency is one of the true gifts of humanity. And this part? The part where we keep coming back and creating this little community together? That part is, and forever will be, magic.

We are all so thankful for each and every one of you. Thank you for laughing with us this year, for crying with us, for just being here and showing up in this storm. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

(Before I get too mushy, I am happily required by Autostraddle law to tell you that we had a lot of dope A+ content this month for you to enjoy, including the 14 day gay extravaganza “13 Days of A+” which was seamlessly planned and executed by the lovely Nicole, your A+ Director who wakes up every morning thinking about how she can bring more good things into our lives.)

Hey! We made it through another day. And no matter what happens next year — tomorrow we will do the same.

Wow do we love you,

Carmen / Rachel / Heather / Laneia / Sarah / Nicole / Riese

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From November 2020

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. “Happiest Season” Roundtable: Yikes, Harper! Wooowwww, Aubrey Plaza!, by Shelli
2. Kristen Stewart Being So Gay: The Definitive Vapid Fluff Timeline, by Stef
3. 20 Lesbian Movies on Hulu That You Can Watch Right Now For Fun If You Want, by Riese
4. Here’s What’s New and Gay in November 2020 on Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and HBO Max, by Riese
5. Cara Delevingne’s Bisexuality: The Definitive Vapid Fluff Timeline, by Stef
6. I Visited the “Happiest Season” Set to Chat With Kristen Stewart and Clea DuVall About Their Holigay Rom-Com, by Heather
7. “Happiest Season” Review: Kristen Stewart and Mackenzie Davis Are an Instant Holigay Classic, by Heather
8. “A New York Christmas Wedding” Asks You to Believe in the Power of Love at Christmas, Carmen
9. “Ammonite” Review: Saoirse Ronan and Gay Fossils Can’t Salvage This Drab Affair, by Drew
10. What’s Your Queer Sex Personality?, by Malic

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Carmen: I want to congratulate Malic on absolutely MASTERFUL fisting workshop this afternoon for our A+ members! Malic you were calm, confident, and very chill — you made others more comfortable in your presence and did a great job answering everyone’s questions. It was a really great time! Congratulations to you (and to @nicole and the A+ team!!). MERRY FISTMAS EVERYBODY!!
Sarah: agree! so informative! thank you malic!
Nicole: That was really excellent Malic!! Thank you for this! We also had some people join A+ JUST for this. Also! Look at the people joining in for a fisting workshop at 8am on an Australian Monday!

(This is a map of where the attendees were from.)
Carmen: Worldwide! Fisting for everybody! Way to go, Malic!
Sarah: fisting in alaska!
Drew: I love that John Green book

Casey: I had a dream last night that someone at AS visited the set of a lesbian Christmas porn movie and came back to our “office” with amazing gift baskets for everyone including the dvd of the movie which was somehow already finished
Nicole: What was in the amazing gift baskets!?
Heather: THE DVD
Nicole: But it can’t JUST be a DVD in a basket!
Like was there fruit?
Casey: In addition to the DVD, there was coffee and chocolate and very nice throw pillows (an odd choice for a gift basket but hey!)
Heather: oh sorry no i was just marveling that casey dreamed a physical dvd!
Nicole: throw pillows!
Casey: Very thoughtful

Vanessa: hiiiii help???? i was editing a piece in wordpress and now this is happening:

i have cleared the cache and deleted my history — i can open the site on chrome so i know this is a safari issue but i can’t figure it out
Nicole: Happening to multiple people! Tracy is on it.
Vanessa: thank u nicole! gonna go light the hanukkah candles
hoping it’ll be resolved soon
Nicole: Thank you for letting us know Vanessa!!! :heart:
Vanessa: yes i love to panic and then let everyone know
it is actually what one might call a hobby or a general anxiety disorder!
Shelli: Omg forgot I still had the as Twitter on my phone and somehow ended up on it and retweeted Carmen! Signing out now and I deleted sorry!!
Heather: shelli i one time tweeted out a very serious story with this photo of my cat from autostraddle

Natalie: In other news, I am very nervous for this movie with Justin Timberlake and this GNC kid.
Drew: im so tired lol
Valerie: this trailer of like 2 minutes of him being bad at raising Sam then he says he’s never been good at anything til now
sir it doesn’t seem like you were good at this either
but go off i guess
Heather: also that’s a total borderline personality disorder parent things
Riese: this movie has a psychological trigger for everyone!
Heather: hahahahaha!!!
just like happiest season
Drew: My not very online friend called me last night and was like “Just watched Happiest Season! What a fun movie!” completely oblivious to all discourse it was so sweet
Valerie: so pure!
Heather: omg that’s what it’s like in the lgbtq channel of long covid slack, y’all! they’re like “oh i found this gay kristen stewart christmas movie on hulu can you even believe it?” and someone else will be like “what?!? i love when gay people play gay” and then someone else will be like “kristen stewart is gay?!”
it’s like an entirely different world

Abeni:

Abeni: i think i’m a Wakko if under the hoodie those are black leggings btw :slightly_smiling_face:
Shelli: Yakko if I can add a full beat face and 3 gold chains
Carmen: I’m dot.

Valerie: Gen Z actors aren’t going to make us work for it. Dot from The Wilds:

btw I’m queer

— Shannon Berry (@shangraceberry) December 29, 2020

Shelby from the Wilds:

I said what I said https://t.co/FOAAS3IToa

— mia healey (@miahealey2) December 13, 2020

Heather: oh wow!
valerie do you want to write this up?
Valerie: oh sure!
Heather: yayayayay! thank you!
Drew:

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Ariel Schrag (@arielschrag)

Maybe I’ll finally watch it now!
Valerie: YES
Riese: omg
wait is shelby gay too??
Valerie: Bi turns out!
Gotta love the youths
Riese: woah!
Drew: Pretty soon instead of coming out posts we’ll just occasionally do these:

Heather: Senior Government Officials Keep Saying That UFOs and Aliens Are Real
Rachel: this is literally the overarching plot of the x files
not sure if that makes it more or less plausible
Heather: at this point in 2020, i’d say: more

Heather: These lonely otters found love in lockdown just in time for the holidays
Stef: so glad online dating worked out for SOMEONE
Carolyn: could not tell if that piece was going to be about animal otters or human ones until the image loaded tbh

Shelli: THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYS THE QUEEN IN BRIDGERTON IS GAY!
Shelli: IF THAT MEANS I’M ALLOWED TO DO A PIECE ON ALL THE HAIRSTYLES THE QUEEN HAS IN THE SHOW ID LIKE TO AND ALREADY HAVE SCREENSHOTS.
Shelli: I’m also not sorry for yelling

I’ll Make a Bisexual Out of You

(before there was this post, there was this slack conversation)

Heather: does anyone want to rank some disney characters by bisexuality? for this week or next week?

caption: mulan gives herself a bisexual bob with a sword which is the most bisexual way to give yourself a bisexual bob

another idea! is that i can drop a bunch of bisexual disney characters in here like i did with those lesbian hauntings and you can VOTE on them!
Rachel: i am extremely available to vote on these heather!
Heather: okay! then we shall vote! rachel just a heads up that you are at the top of my list of bisexuals most likely to have cut their own hair with a sword.
Heather: least likely: drew
Valerie: !!
i’m IN
Drew: HA! Correct
Most likely to run away to an ice castle after getting into a fight with my sister though
Heather: unquestionably
Stef: I’m also down for o vote
Sally: Is Mulan wearing a bisexual flag for a top
Stef: Most likely to push my brother into a canyon of wildebeests as a power grab
Heather: oh wow
Sally: good eye
Valerie: i guess i’m most likely to run away from the tower her mother locked her in and hit a man with a frying pan?
Stef: I could see that for you
Meg: um most likely to befriend the actual devil in a foolish attempt at impressing a romantic interest?
i too would like to vote
Christina: We watched Aladdin over the weekend and I decided my Disney villain astrology is a Jafar Sun with a Rising Scar and moon in Ursula
Stef: I do like the idea of having eels for friends
And stealing the voice of some dumb kid
Christina: Fun fact, my mother met Pat Carol, voice of Ursula when she was waitressing when I was kid and got her to write me a note
Sad fact: I hope my mother still has said note for I do not
Heather: oh that’s good! i’ll say: robin hood sun, buzz lightyear rising, moana moon
Valerie: i think maybe i’m moana sun, elsa moon, rapunzel rising
at least i wish i were. i think probably i’m just Scuttle
Heather: that feels correct!
Meg: aw scuttle
Meg: i think i’m like megara sun / elsa moon / belle rising
Drew: Elsa sun / Belle moon / Robin Hood rising … I think?? idk what villains I’d be
Malic: Young Simba Sun/ Woody Moon/ Chesire Cat Rising. I think.
Stef: this is hwo i just found out the voice of lumiere was jerry orbach
i’m changed
i think i unfortunately am probably a scar sun / the tramp moon / bernard from the rescuers rising
Heather: TRAMP MOON 🥰
Malic: Omg the tramp!!!!!
Stef: i’m like dirtbag / dirtbag / nice little mouse
Heather: mmm tramp is a nice little mouse who THINKS he’s a dirtbag
SORRY I AM TRYING TO STOP THIS
(but it’s true)
Stef: he takes her on some good dates
Heather: yeah and risks his life for her and saves that baby because she loves it and then has some even more adorable TRAMP PUPPIES
Stef: i tried to watch the live action one and it was really disturbing
the sexual tension between dogs

What We’ve Been Reading

Natalie: Black Futures by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham

Malic: Chelsea Girlsby Eileen Myles

Heather: We Are Watching Eliza Bright by Austen Osworth

Adrian: The Vanishing Half by Brit Bennett

Abeni: Caste: The Origins Of Our Discontent by Isabel Wilkerson

Casey: Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse and Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Carmen: Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom by August Wilson and Black Futures by Kimberly Drew and Jenna Wortham

Sarah: The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar

Vanessa: Everybody (Else) Is Perfect: How I Survived Hypocrisy, Beauty, Clicks, and Likes by Gabrielle Korn

Drew: How to Be a Good Girl by Jamie Hood

Riese: Life is Wonderful, People are Terrific, by Meliza Bañales

Nicole: Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger (author), Rovina Cai (illustrator) and The Midnight Lie by Marie Rutkoski

Meg: Major Arcana: Portraits of Witches in America by Frances Denny

Kamala Retro-Reading

You know how we do it — wishing Kamala a fond farewell with a journey into her greatest hits!

via The Dyke Kitchen: Strawberry Pie For Repeat Juneteenth

What’s In Your Breakfast Sandwich? – You can kind of imagine that you’re hanging out with your friends in the kitchen just talkin’ breakfast and making observations about one another’s personalities, you know?

The Illusion Of Safety — This essay is a whole journey through what it means to be “safe” and how that’s impacted by family values and her own identity and politics and it’s hard for me to describe so I don’t know I guess you will just have to read it.

My Parents Made Me Gay – (this is my favorite, it’s so funny and conversational and rich in detail) “But honestly, being focused on women never seemed remarkable to me. I grew up in a household with my mom, my younger sister, and my dad, so even if we were just being fair, 75% of our time was focused on women. And we were not fair.”

Dyke Kitchen: The Art of the Salad – YOU DESERVE A LUXURIOUS SALAD

Courting Loneliness – “I knew what she was saying. It was like saving a seat on the bus for someone who routinely happened to never show up. It was like setting the table for someone who decided to eat an hour before coming over for dinner. “You can’t take it personally!’ so many of my friends had told me before, but I’ve never quite understood what’s left in a personal relationship if things aren’t meant to be taken personally.”

Lottie: A Journey

A selection of planning conversations around Malic’s excellent Antifascist on the Bookcase post, which ultimately featured Frodo, but for which Lottie was also considered.

December 10th:

Carmen: SO! For Elf! Amazon makes this doll. I think she is cute and hilarious, Heather has offered to purchase her just in case. If Heather’s given the :ok: by Laneia — she’s willing to take photos of her around the house doing many of the activities in Malic’s post.
Heather: i went ahead and ordered her just in case!
Sarah: this is so cute and such a good plan carmen!
thank you heather!
Heather: you’re welcome! look at her little megaphone!
Carmen: (this was fully heather’s plan! but I am obsessed with Lottie the Doll Activist, personally)
Heather: me too! she has chants:
I love being black!
I said I love being black!
I love the color of my skin!
It’s the skin that I’m in!
I said I love being black!
I love the texture of my hair!
And I rock it everywhere!
I said I love being black!
I love being black!
CALL: Say it loud!
RESPONSE: Im black and I’m proud!
Carmen: Heather. HEATHER. Well that’s fine, not me about to cry over a doll. Nope not at all. :sob:
Heather: i’m sending her to you!

December 13th:

Heather: hi y’all! the lottie doll for taking photos for malic’s elf on a shelf post is set to arrive tomorrow, as long as things go smoothly with delivery, i can have the pics ready for tuesday publication, but not tomorrow i don’t think. (which is when it’s on the schedule.) the best tv eps is on the schedule for tuesday, but i am thinking maybe me and C and R could come together to make that happen if we move elf to tuesday?

December 15th:

Heather: and just one quick update on lottie — dobby thinks she’s for him.

Laneia: honestly lottie seems really happy with this
Rachel: yeah i’m not seeing any downsides

Bone Bone Horoscope Going Into January 2021

pic.twitter.com/hkmR4OHvu8

— ㅤَ (@bonebonebot) December 28, 2020

The winter is long, dark and deep; we have many miles to go before we sleep, and also when we do sleep it’ll only be for a few hours at a time because we keep having stress nightmares, and who can blame us. There is another year ahead, and you’ve done the best you could with this one; now Bone Bone says it’s a good time to try to get some rest. Sweet dreams 🐾

Spiritually, We Have All Won Bingo

Rachel: hi team, while we’re all here and in good cheer wondering if y’all feel like helping me out w something! i’m working on a pandemic holigay bingo :upside_down_face: for our a+ members to get us thru the dark nights til the solstice; if you want, let me know what you’d add to this to go on your bingo card for this season!
– trying to teach older family members how to use zoom
– wrapping gifts for your pets
– posted a lex ad for someone to watch Happiest Season with
– responded to a lex ad for someone to watch Happiest Season with
– seasonal depression
– holiday dinner of trader joe’s food
– i already celebrated all my important holidays in isolation and no one cared
– killed a houseplant
Drew: -secretly happy to not spend time with straight relatives
Heather: – lengthy two-way conversations with pet
Kamala: -wearing the same “outfit” multiple days in a row
Heather: – give more holiday presents to animal crossing villagers than family members
Vanessa: – so horny my vibrator died
– so depressed i forgot what sex is
Heather: CAROLYN TOLD YOU TO GET BATTERIES!!!!
Vanessa: Hahahahaha that didn’t rly happen to me Heather duh all my toys are rechargeable
I was just trying to brainstorm for bingo!
Heather: oh right right i uh also didn’t give more presents to my animal crossing villagers than to my family
Vanessa: – bickering with a housemate about how much/how little you should decorate the house, depending on your belief that xmas decorations will somehow solve everything
Drew: -ending things with three pandemic crushes/adding two new pandemic crushes so you can go into next year with a new pandemic crush roster
Dani Janae: PANDEMIC CRUSH ROSTER
Carolyn: -spending 10 hours sexting a stranger
Heather: -so far down the autostraddle rabbit hole you organically stumble across these cashews
Vanessa: mom isn’t speaking to you bc she tried to guilt you into coming home and says if you loved her enough you would find a way
Carolyn: oh my god
Vanessa: that one also didn’t happen to me for the record! but multiple friends have experienced it
My friend B’s whole family stopped speaking to her bc she refused to fly home for thanksgiving and now they all have Covid :(
have formed a potentially unhealthy parasocial relationship with your fave front facing twitter comedian (mine is that hot southern girl Blaire and also tbh Jordan Firstman)
Heather: blaire lives in my hometown! just down the street from my grandparents!
Carolyn: -considering moving just to be inside all the time somewhere different
Drew: -get way too excited about a new sweater that’s like basically just a normal sweater but what else is going on ya know
Heather: -most reliable source of serotonin: ups person delivering online impulse buys
Valerie: -picking a movie to watch virtually with family only to realize halfway through how inappropriate it is to watch with family and faking technical difficulties
Heather: -ranking the condiments in your fridge by lesbianism
Valerie: (this also hasn’t happened to me, i instead decided to move in with my parents for a month over the holidays so i just have to be stuck there)
-cheating on your vegetarianism for holiday comfort foods because the world is ending
Nicole: -tried to make sourdough starter, never made sourdough bread
Heather: -“what’s an ‘outside pants?’”
Valerie: nicole just @ me next time sheesh
Nicole: Lol
Vanessa: – cried because a fancy recipe you tried didn’t work out and it felt Traumatic bc you’ve repressed your trauma responses for everything else
(that one did actually happen to me)
Carmen: OMG yall I headlined today’s Also.Also.Also with Kate Freeman, who this week became the first openly trans person to win Jeopardy (she’s a lesbian and wore a trans pride flag while competing and really is just the sweetest thing).
So the headline was: Also.Also.Also: Congrats to Kate Freeman, Jeopardy’s First Openly Trans Winner, Hereby Crowned Queen of the Lesbian Nerds!
And well guess what!

Wow Kate Freeman!! Really is just the most adorable human, huh?
Drew: !!!
That’s so lovely!!
Tracy: OMG I love her! I saw the flag pin and jumped up and down. My wife and I watch Jeopardy every night.
Carmen: Tracy that’s the sweetest thing I will read today for sure. I love this for you and for your wife! so much!
Nicole: Aaaaah! I love this!
Rachel: !!!
Valerie: last week was unofficial queer week i swear! i shrieked when i saw her lil trans pin!!
Drew: -getting way too invested in the queer contestants on Jeopardy
Tracy: Right? It felt like queer week.
Abeni: planned to spend xmas completely alone because it’s unsafe to see anyone including family
Drew: This whole month! I was so excited when TJ won and so sad at the way things ended in their second episode.
Abeni: rage-swiped through holiday pics of people on social media partying it up maskless with (non-household) friends and/or family
put a holiday-themed accessory on your pet
Rachel: i had to stop myself from buying ANOTHER dog sweater today
Casey: – put on a fancy holiday outfit to wear at home and feel festive even though you’re not going anywhere
I am planning to do this with my red velvet romper hopefully arriving soon, my first pandemic impulse online purchase!
Vanessa: omg casey your FIRST?!?!
mazel tov
i am so happy for you
Rachel: these are so great, everyone, thank you :sob:
Casey: Thank you Vanessa! I believe you also have a velvet romper?? I am impressed with myself. But I was also laid off for 4 months and stressed about money so that was a pretty good deterrent.
Vanessa: i do have a velvet romper! a pandemic purchase!
Carolyn: i pandemic purchased velvet underwear which is my only concession to holiday or indeed seasonal dressing
Abeni: pandemic purchased something made out of velvet, apparently
Malic: -spending 20 minutes “playing” with someone else’s cat through a window (edited)
-giving your partner a haircut and saying, “Oops please don’t be mad…”
Riese: -family members hoisting their newborn babies up to zoom cameras like the baby is a sack of potatoes they just got on sale at the market
Heather: lololol oh man i heard stacy on a zoom earlier today go “oh is your cat crying too? mine do it at luncht—oh, that’s… that’s your actual human baby, right right.”

This picture is really fucking cute you guys

XOXO

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