Letter From Your Editors

Hello Scary Spices!

Wow, everybody looks truly terrifying. Look at this haunted house:

Top: Carmen, Drew, Malic, Vanessa
Bottom: Stef, Shelli, Valerie Anne, and Carmen again bc LOOK HOW SCARY THAT MASK IS

Let’s get this out of the way straight off: this is the first piece of A+ content that has dropped on your laps since the last time we had an Autostraddle Insider! For that we are sorry! Honestly we are attempting to do nothing less than change literally everything about how we operated before, which means establishing processes for things we used to just do by the seat of our sweatpants. It’s hard work. But! We are getting closer and closer to the light at the end of the tunnel, and I’m told that the light at the end of the tunnel is going to be really glorious and we’re all going to bask in it like we just came out of the womb? Or like the end of a movie where there’s a big dance number and lots of colored lights and a really intense lesbian couple doing karaoke to “Take Me Or Leave Me.”

But! One thing that is well underway is work from our incredible new writers! Dani’s recs for 10 Low-Key Horror Movies to Watch With Your Sensitive Butch Date is both an authentic and self-aware love story between you and Erica, who is as hypothetical as she is down to cuddle while slightly terrified AND a list of bona-fide movie recs with something to suit every level of scary movie fan. Sally — I mean, you know Sally, we all know Sally, we all knew Sally would stand and deliver — judged a series of books by their covers who deserve to be judged for their tropes, their bold design choices and by their ability to be fodder for jokes, but also how about this incredible journey into the annals of British queer history? What can’t Sally do??? (Don’t say ‘build a computer’ because she can build a computer.) Jourdain’s review of “Spiral” is a reminder of how film criticism can evoke political-as-personal questions that linger long after its reading, even if you’ve not seen the film itself — in this case, a new horror film set in 1995 about an interracial gay couple assimilating into an idealistic Chicago suburb. Himani gave compassionate advice that delivered real talk with a deep understanding of the struggle to balance our blessed ethical compasses with the brass tacks we can’t avoid. Shelli’s 15 Horny Songs From My Youth I Thought I’d Have Sex to by Now is unrepentantly horny, capturing the true essence of a restlessly aspirational adolescence and its thwarted sexual dreams while also assembling a real journey of a playlist for your ears and genitals. Rachel’s ode to Dark Under Eye circles was a true work of supreme queer body-positivity from a never-before-considered angle, celebrating our trauma and exhaustion as empowered self-deprecation. Malic’s costume ideas for couples and throuples delighted in all our weird queer in-jokes and non-traditional relationship scenarios and unhealthy obsessions with fictional characters and THREE FINGERS KILLED ME. And finally: A true devotional to the Mommi movement launched right here by Erin & Kayla in 2017 was gifted unto us by Christina with her Mommi Fall Fashion Guide, inviting us all to get that standing-near-a-boat look and/or kneecap smug executives. All of these pieces were delivered in unmistakable voice, doing what I think we’ve always done best — providing no-holds-barred honesty, very specific queer feelings and empathy for our shared totally weird human condition!

Hopefully next month we’ll have another editor signing this letter and a new A+ Director training to deliver the perks and attention y’all deserve. So you can put that on your clipboard.

Love,

Riese

co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Carmen / Sarah

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From September

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. 23 Lesbian and Bisexual Romantic Drama Films, Ranked, by Riese / The TV Team
2. The 2020 Democrats, Explained by Classic Indigo Girls Songs, by KT Lindemann
3. Vote Now in Autostraddle’s Second Annual Gay Emmys! by TV Team
4. Queer Horoscopes for September 2019: Learning (and Unlearning) How We Love Each Other, by Corinna
5. Fall 2019 Queer TV Preview: 36 Shows With LGBTQ Women All Up In Them, by Riese / Heather / Natalie
6. Pop Culture Fix: Shane McCutcheon Made Kate Moennig Gay, Too, by Heather
7. The L Word: Generation Q Teaser: Shane is Still Shane, by Drew
8. No Filter: Megan Rapinoe Dresses Up and Also Undresses To Make Her Cover Girl Dreams Come True, by Riese
9. Every Bob’s Burgers Character Who’s Definitely Bi, With Receipts, by Lisa A.C. Ryan
10. Are You The One?’s Paige Cole on Coming Out, Finding Love and Breaking Bisexual Reality TV Barriers, by Stef

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Malic: These diary entries from the Tegan and Sara piece are KILLING ME, ya’ll. I’m so proud we all grew up to be the raging queerdos we are today.
Rachel: yes same! I feel really tender towards the baby queers in those diaries and am so grateful that y’all were willing to share them as adults. 💜
Heather: yes, y’all! these diaries are perfect! if you tweet out a link on your own, thread it here and i’ll RT it from autostraddle today and tomorrow!
Valerie: what’s the social protocol re: tweeting pictures of people from high school you don’t talk to anymore? i found a cute one of me and the girl from my diary entry haha do i have to blur her face or do i just delete it on the off-chance she sees the tweet and asks me to take it down?
Heather: i always blur their faces because people from my high school are obsessed with my lesbianism due to jesus and i want them to never contact me!
Sarah: also emoji over the faces is cute!
Rachel: ‘obsessed with my lesbianism due to jesus’ sounds like a new DSM entry

Drew: I just saw Little Women and someone (maybe me?) is going to need to write several thousand words about this new adaptation’s relationship to queerness because it is FASCINATING
Also would like to share that Saoirse Ronan and Florence Pugh excitedly ping-ponged an anecdote about how excited they were to film their fight scene and that Florence asked Saoirse to actually hit her and Saoirse explained how much she enjoyed it
So ya know when Saoirse finally comes out it’s safe to assume she’s a kinky femme top

Heather: this is the most bananas thing i have read all week
‘Barney’ Movie in the Works From Mattel, Daniel Kaluuya
The purple dinosaur joins other properties from the toy company getting the feature treatment, including Barbie and Hot Wheels.
“Barney was a ubiquitous figure in many of our childhoods, then he disappeared into the shadows, left misunderstood,” said Kaluuya. “We’re excited to explore this compelling modern-day hero and see if his message of ‘I love you, you love me’ can stand the test of time.”
Vanessa: What.
Sarah: hahahaha
Dani: ????
Is Barney an air bender or something??
Heather: i hope so! i hope daniel kaluuya is about to troll the entire industry into the ground!
Natalie: it sounds like something posh kenneth would do
Christina: Why does every project that is coming out now sound like a 30 Rock joke concept

Drew: Queer culture is being stressed about the Supreme Court AND being stressed about your ex texting you to see how you’re feeling about the Supreme Court
Abeni: trans culture is accidentally cutting your nipple when you’re shaving your chest hair in the shower! lol yes this just happened to me this week
not to like, step on your actually very important mention of supreme court bullshit drew! but it reminded me i forgot to share this very important embarrassing happening that i for some reason wanted to share with y’all
Drew: Just like there’s room for talk of the supreme court and exes there is also plenty of room for accidentally cutting your nipple which also NOOOO I’m sorry!!

Drew: I love the internet

Heather: MEET CUTE
Christina: WOULD watch this rom com!!!!
Rachel: frenemies to lovers???
Drew: The first two things I did were look at her picture and check her location so I feel very seen by this response

Heather: can you tell me why Penelope Park is spooky?
Vanessa: Heather was this intended for me
Heather: lol no i’m sorry! that was meant for valerie!
Vanessa: HAHA I knew it
Heather: hahah! sorry!
Vanessa: I googled Penelope Park to see if it was a location in Portland
Or something to do with polyamory
Heather: omg! vanessa!
ilu
Vanessa: And then I was like “my name starts with Va”
“This is a TV thing”
Love you 😘

[in response to this DM stef got from lauren duca??]

Adrian: Which is worse, hero or champ? As a chummy form of address for asking a favor from a stranger.
Christina: “Champ” has big dad energy so I might be tricked into be charmed by it?
Laneia: champ is super situational i think
would stab a man right in the neck for calling me champ, but like, if a teen sarcastically called me champ i’d just be grateful and embarrassed but i’d know i’d deserved it?
Christina: Teens can say almost anything to me and I’ll be grateful and embarrassed
Laneia: correct
i hide from my kids’ friends when they come over

Riese: if anybody has a funny headliner idea for k-stew + kate mckinnon, feel free to lay it on me!!!
Carmen: Vulture did this one
“Kate McKinnon Tries to Top Kristen Stewart in SNL Promo Battle”
Which I guess we can’t use because they did, but whew boi did it make me chuckle
Riese: AHHH
there’s gotta be something there about like, hands
fingers
gay hands
sex orangs
organs
also oranges
Laneia: maybe something involving kstew doing “that thing with her thumb”
you know the thing
Riese: putting it in a butthole?

Laneia: you know what i could absolutely annihilate right now?
some potato salad
NOT THE KIND WITH EGGS THOUGH
i have some pineapple rice in my fridge and it looks like potato salad but ISN’T and every time i go to get anything out of there it’s a wave of happiness and then disappointment
it’s sad
Rachel: how do you make yours laneia
do you use yellow mustard
Laneia: i do yes
my mother does not, and she adds eggs, so you can only imagine how sad my childhood was
Rachel: harrowing

Best Laid Plan(ner)s

Every month a different writer will give you a sneak peak into their notebook organization situation. This month Stef’s giving you a tour of her passion planner.

Chloe Venmo Requests You Immediately After Coffee for the $2.57 You Owe Her

Christina: This word salad is making my head spin

SUIT 1: so how should we hook the kids on the clueless reboot
SUIT 2: like a tech startup writing a job listing, dave https://t.co/ubKQfklChJ pic.twitter.com/RajelPg3EU

— Kelly Connolly (@_kellyQ) October 17, 2019

Heather: lol what does any of that even mean
also cher in some jordans, lol
emily dickinson and jane austen’s work have now both “met riverdale.” i wonder who they’re coming after next. i hope it’s virginia woolf.
it’s a sci-fi series. virgina woolferine.
Christina: “Mean Girls meets Riverdale meets a Lizzo music video” is truly the most chaotic sentence I have ever read that somehow means nothing???
Heather: this is like that article about the new nylon this week

This is like 13 year-old Claudia Kishi or Stacey McGill's idea of what adulthood will be like https://t.co/OSH8cNIyBK

— queer girl (@queergirlblogs) October 15, 2019

Christina: Chloe is Serena from Gossip Girl
Heather: hahahaha! “chloe can get from midtown to dumbo in five minutes. her signature scent is sandalwood and she has a signature vodka too, and a purse as big as your torso. chloe eats chocolate covered strawberries on the jitney to hamptons, which is weird because she could have afforded a car, and says things like, ‘can i kiss you before i kill you?'”
Shelli: CHER IN JORDANS?!

What We’ve Been Reading

Abeni: Dracula vs. Hitler by Patrick Sheane Duncan

Malic: Thirst: 2600 Miles To Home by Heather Anderson

Dani: Dunce by Mary Ruefle

Jehan: M Archiv: After the End of the Worlde by Alexis Pauline Gumbs

Himani: The Great Partition: The Making of India and Pakistan by Yasmin Khan

Stef: Wishful Drinking by Carrie Fisher

Natalie: The Water Dancer by Ta-Nehisi Coates

Kayla: TVampires In The Lemon Grove: And Other Stories by Karen Russell

Bailey: Brit(ish): On Race, Identity and Belonging by Afua Hirsch

Drew: Make It Scream, Make It Burn: Essays by Leslie Jamison and Christadora by Tim Murphy

Carmen: The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo

Vanessa: I Love Dick by Chris Kraus (to be transparent, I’m reading it for school and I HATE IT)

MEET A WRITER’S PET!

🕷 Get to know some of our writer’s pets. This month, in honor of Halloween, we’re meeting the spider of one of our new writers. Everyone say hello to Dani‘s spider son, Della! 🕷

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?

I’m on a strict superworm diet right now but I prefer that they be fed a diet of organic shredded carrots and tomatoes. I’ll indulge in the occasional cricket but at the moment I’m fasting.

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?

Mild humidity, total darkness, my mother not trying to sneak pictures of me.

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?

I’m a desert tarantula so I think the beach would be closest? Because of the sand and heat? I’d imagine the mountains are lovely when they aren’t covered in snow.

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?

Oh absolutely. One lives in the apartment, she’s what you’d call benign but I like my personal space and not being haunted by the ghost of some kid or childish adult.

Which famous or fictional animal do you look up to and why?

Tbh I kinda got a thing for Eeyore if I’m willing to put my street cred aside. I think he’s adorable and a little morose but that kind of temperament is charming on some animals. I feel a certain kinship to vampiric bats (hence last name Lugosi) because they seem less unkempt than there normal cousins.

What do you wish you could say to your Mom?

I would like to congratulate her on the fact that she’s calmed down considerably since she got me in May. I appreciate her efforts to keep my home colorful and safe for me. I really love the tattoo she got of me and her whole spooky bitch vibe. Much like her ex-girlfriend’s I’m biologically incapable of understanding love but I’m quite fond of her regardless.

You can also follow Della on Instagram!

Sex Scenes Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous months Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via Fan Fiction Friday: Glee’s 10 Hottest Lesbian Sex Scenes

Putting together the world’s most important list of all time — Every L Word Sex Scene, Ranked — really brought me back to all the fine work we’ve (I’ve? What’s wrong with me) done here around sex scenes.

25 Streaming Movies With Hot Lesbian Sex Scenes, by Riese (2018) – Organized by type of sex scene and level of intensity, this list truly has something for everyone AND it’s all available to stream! What luck!

Autostraddle Roundtable: The Lesbian Sex Scene That Changed My Life, by The Team (2017) – From Shameless to Lost Girl to Fingersmith to The L Word to The L Word to The L Word to The L Word!

10 Lesbian Sex Scenes I Wrote Before I Had Lesbian Sex, by Heather Hogan (2015) – Back before Heather ever knew she’d become a professional writer or a practitioner of lesbian sex, she still had lots of obvious talent for the former and ideas about the latter. A real gem of Heather Hogan history, this post!

33 Literary Books With Great Lesbian Sex Inside Them, by Riese (2019) – Honestly putting together this post was one of my most intense “I love my job” moments of all time. These books are all so good, sex or not, and ever since putting this togetner I’ve been working my way through reading all of them.

10 Hilarious And Historical Sex Scenes From Lesbian Pulp Fiction by Carolyn (2014) – “With discussions of the “silken pliancy of her thighs,” euphemisms and lots of music-related metaphors, the following excerpts from sex scenes show why critics complained about these novels and why readers were eager to open them.”

Is That a Meat Cleaver or Are You Just Happy to See Me

Al(aina):

from nov bon appetit print issue, unsure if its online
Stef: didn’t you once give me kristen stewart intel from that place
Carolyn: that was another lesbian-populated (but straights-run) butcher shop
Stef: oh okay
who are we
that we can even have this conversation
Carolyn: come to me for all your LA butcher gossip
Abeni: butch LA butchers
you love to see it

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Monsters & Mommis: “Good Manners” Is a Tribute to Queer Motherhood, by Drew

Drew has written so many of these excellent meditations on horror and queerness this spooky season that you may have not immediately noticed that this is also an incredible personal essay that I will reread many times through many seasons, spooky and non. Is it about werewolves, yes, but also regardless of your interest in that subject I cannot recommend strongly enough that you check this out.

Black American Gothic: A Southern Herstory of Black Magic Women, by Krista

If you’ve spent any of this season revisiting the Gothic stories that form a lot of the underpinning of Western horror, and also if you haven’t, you really need to read this expertly done and beautiful piece on Black Southern Gothic, a vital American artistic lineage.

Photoessays on K. Flay and Tove Lo, by Erica

HAVE YOU NOTICED the super sexy and profesh photoessays of these hot queer pop stars? I love them so much! Look at K. Flay’s boots. Look at them! I wish I were at these shows but because of these photoessays I feel like I am!

Julia Nunes Is Relentlessly Personal: On New Music, Big Changes, and Community Being Crucial, by Al(aina)

I learned so much about much more than music from reading this — about having a creative personhood, building the kind of life you want, growing and changing as an artist. Al is such a good interviewer! I’m going to go read this again right now and so should you.

25 Kickass Cosplays to Get You Hyped for “Batwoman,” by Heather

I’m just letting you know right now that you aren’t ready for this gallery. You really aren’t! You should get a glass of water first, and maybe put your phone on do not disturb. If you’ve ever met Niko IRL she will absolutely not let on what an outlandishly gifted and experienced photographer she is, but this gallery proves it. Treat yourself!

Social Media Spotlight

Christina joined the Autostraddle team this month and immediately tweeted our top mention and engaged with tweet of October!

My first official piece @autostraddle is up! It is of course, a guide to dressing like a Mommi. https://t.co/QImPslzM1X

— Christina Grace (@C_GraceT) October 10, 2019

Lounge mommie me is coming this fall 👌🏿

— Swap Meet Mannequin (@HiShelli) October 11, 2019

Seriously, I think my wife owns 8 of the Classic Mommi sweaters on the left in that picture.

— RevDJEsq (@RevDJEsq) October 10, 2019

Literally me? This is embarrassing? pic.twitter.com/44EXX43vpf

— Kate Flaim (@kateflaim) October 10, 2019

I've been dressing like I'm going on 40 and running out of fucks since I was a teenager. As I get closer to 40…I say finally

— Aggressive Negotiations 🏳️‍🌈 (@WeloveSWprequel) October 10, 2019

Me, reading this in black skinny jeans, wingtips, and calf-length cardigan: oh, so this is what my style is called!

— Laurel St. Claire 🌈 (@laurelstclaire) October 10, 2019

Huh, I do have a style apparently. I just thought I looked like a college student who occasionally wears the clothes of the mother she’s a nanny for/fucking. Who knew?

— M (@MajorCarter91) October 10, 2019

Was casually wearing a nautical sweater (with elbow patches!) when I read this.

— ✨ Regina Sparkles ✨ (@ReginaSparklez) October 11, 2019

Wow as a former PTA pres this could not be any more harrowingly spot on.

— Ros Perrotta (@ninjasloths) October 11, 2019

Happy HandJobsGiving Everybody!

Sarah: do you guys want to see the creative laneia and i are putting together for instagram
Laneia should we show them
Laneia: i’m not sure they’re ready???
Sarah: OK WE WILL WAIT
get excited
Laneia: nah go ahead and show them!
these nerds are ready
Sarah:

Riese:
W
O
W
Z
A

Sarah: anal!!!
a fun holiday topic
Riese: wow i feel like i just did poppers
Laneia: this is the best idea we’ve ever had
Riese: i love it
Sarah: we have other ones. the idea is that we will be putting these out 1x a week during the holigays linked to holigay sex content

Riese: if there’s anything i love more than thanksgiving, it’s hand jobs
Laneia: should the tag be holigay sex or sex for the holigays
Riese: holigay sex
Sarah: handjobsgiving
is another tag we’re making okay riese
JK
Sarah: CHOOSE THE HEADER

1.

2.

Riese: hmmmm
Laneia: i’m withholding my opinion so as not to sway
Riese: i THINK i like the top one???
Laneia: i know the power i have over all of you and i want to wield it responsibly
Riese: you are The Power Issue
it is really hard to decide but i do think!! it’s the top one
that i like
idk if anybody else is here to weigh in
so i have weighed in twice with the same pick
Laneia: that’s good that’s how voting works
Riese: i thought so
Sarah: yes wow but your vote only counts 1 time
did we get any holigay sex content in the pitches this year?
Laneia: not that i remember but also, guess what, my brain is potatoes
Sarah: should we poke them to make more
Heather: i like the top one!
Sarah: Thank you Heather for voting in this poll
Heather: very welcome
Laneia: HANDLED

XOXO

Team Autostraddle

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