The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 61, September 2019

Letter From Your Editors

Well hello, neighbors! This month Laneia asked us to take photos of ourselves JUST BEING US somewhere in the world, and so here we are!

1st: Riese // Drew // Kayla // Carmen // Laneia
2nd: KaeLyn // Sarah // Heather // Valerie Anne // Rachel

It has been such a busy and exciting month for us; I don’t even know where to start. Okay, yes I do! After hundreds of applications and dozens of interviews, we’ve brought 13 new Contributors into Slack! You’ll be meeting them all in the coming weeks through the work they’ll be publishing on Autostraddle dot com, and in intro posts here and on our social medias. They’ve already infused our workplace with so much energy and so many bold and bright ideas. We can’t wait for you to get to know them. Also in the realm of new employees, we’ve been refining a call for a new full-time Deputy Editor, part-time Trans Subject Editor, and a part-time A+ Director, all three of which will be published on our website next week. Absolutely none of those things would have been possible for us without your enormous and overwhelming support during our recent fundraiser, and so, once again and always, we thank you.

Our team has also been working nonstop on a company culture initiative, which we finalized and launched last week, and which we’ll be talking about more on the site in the coming weeks. Essentially, we’ve established some values that we are committed to adhering to, outlined internal behaviors that are necessary for us to live up to those values, and committed to firm next steps to make sure all of those values come to fruition. We’ve also updated so many processes and created new guidelines around things like editing ethics, and set some expectations for our senior staff around things like — get this — “work-life balance” and “prioritizing mental and emotional health.” This summer has been about listening and accountability and real growth, and we know that we’re never going to be the leaders we need to be if we’re not being wise about taking care of our own minds and spirits and bodies. It’s so rewarding to see so many ideas coming together and to know we’re creating a workspace where everyone here is safe and empowered to creatively thrive.

Of course all of these big changes are going to come with a price tag, so we’re looking ahead to 2020 with some huge goals in mind around traffic, advertising, client projects, and fundraising. It’s going to be a lot of hard work, but we know our team is more than capable of rising to these new challenges so we can continue to partner with you and our team members to do this essential work for our community.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Emily Dickinson ruminating on success, about how she said we can’t really feel the fullness of success unless we’ve been (or almost been) defeated, and about how notoriety has a song and a sting and also wings. Each new day as an independent publication on this internet, as an LGBTQ+ person in this political climate is a challenge in its own way. Our success is never assured, and the more publications that collapse and the larger we grow, the more threats we’ll face. But we’re ready! And we’re so grateful you’re with us on this journey!

Love,

Heather

and Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Carmen / Sarah

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From August

These posts were hella popular this month.

1. The Trailer for “The L Word: Generation Q” Is Here, Oh So Very Very Queer, by Heather
2. A-Camp + Autostraddle Apology and Action Plan, by Team
3. JENNY SCHECTER IS ALIVE, BITCHES!, by Heather
4. “The L Word: Generation Q” Trailer, Annotated, by the TV Team
5. Cara Delevingne and Ashley Benson Got Married I Guess, Yes There Was an Elvis Impersonator, by Stef
6. “Bachelor in Paradise” Season 6 Will Feature Queer Queen Demi Burnett, by Meg
7. Lesbian Space Drama: Did NASA Astronaut Anne McClain Commit the World’s First Crime in Space?, by Stef
8. Queer Horoscopes for August 2019: Leo Season Brings Flowers, Honey, Glitter, Leather, by Corinna
9. No Filter: Miley Cyrus Mourns Her Husband; In Fact Let’s All Mourn Our Husbands, by Stef
10. I Love Euphoria. I Hate Euphoria, by Drew
11. SPOTTED: Kristen Stewart Canoodling With New Love Interest Person Dylan Meyer, by Stef

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Carmen: New question: How do we feel about making books a public channel again?
It turns out that once it has the lock on it, you can’t search for it within slack
(ie/ contributors who aren’t already in there can’t find it to join it)
Laneia: i feel fine about it but maybe set the purpose and topic to be “a place where rachel, our books editor, will let you know about books”
or something like that
Rachel: oh yeah that’s fine with me! I had thought it was already public!
Laneia: so no one does that thing where they assign and approve things on their own somehow? like a group of preschoolers deciding everyone’s eating chocolate cake for lunch
bless their hearts

Carmen: OMG LANEIA YOU WERE IN 4-H??
My love for you just hit the stratosphere
Laneia: I TOOK THE MINUTES
“ANY NEW BUSINESS?” SAID I TO MY CLASSMATES
Carmen: I didn’t discover what 4-H was until I was an adult and let me tell you, I regret it and believe I missed out.
Laneia: we didn’t raise sheep or anything fun like that, just civic shit
ANYWAY
Carmen: haha, how did you know that I wanted to raise sheep? And chickens!
Laneia: megan raised sheep and ducks for 4-h
ducks are apparently very fucking mean
so just, bear that in mind
for the rest of your life

Drew: All cis men should be strapped to a chair Clockwork Orange style and forced to watch a double feature of Magic Mike XXL and Hustlers to model the behavior they should exhibit and what will happen to them if they don’t
This is my 2020 platform
Heather: you have my vote!
Valerie: i pledge allegiance

Rachel: I’m getting intel that we are also mentioned in the new Yorker crossword today?
Heather: !!!!!
well look at that!

Rachel: We’ve arrived
Laneia: Y’ALL
Carmen: WAIT WHAT
WHAT THE WAIT
I love this! I loooooove it
Riese: OMG
WE ARE IN A CROSSWORD???

Rachel: Navy Confirms UFO Videos Posted by Blink 182 Rocker Are Real and Should Not Have Been Released
Stef: what the shit
also ever since i showed mark hoppus up on playing the cure songs nobody in blink 182 will ever belong in this goth channel i’m sorry

Laneia: hey i’m adding the search terms to the newsletter and just curious, what is “gazelle style sex”??????
if the answer is graphic or otherwise bananas please thread it!
Drew:

Drew: Happy to be back on Tinder

Vanessa: DREW
Drew: Gonna match with her and message the essay

Heather: i just got a new game where you’re a goose in a town and you just go around causing mayhem
Sarah: hahahhaa
what is that game called
nintendo switch is arguably the gayest handheld console of the bunch
don’t tempt me i get this feeling every 4+ years that i need a new console lmao
Heather: for sure! the game is called UNTITLED GOOSE GAME

Sarah: omg i just laughed so much
how joyful
Heather: when he takes that kid’s glasses!
Sarah: so hilarious.
i love the low run he does when he’s stolen something
Heather: lol yes
Sarah: the letter is devastating
just plop in the water! okay you’ve given me a lot to think about here today heather.
Heather:

Drew: Motion to rename Friday Open Thread: Heather Ranks Foods
Vanessa: HAHAHA

Best Laid Plan(ner)s

Every month a different writer will give you a sneak peak into their notebook organization situation. This month (Al)aina’s giving you a tour of their passion planner/ binder combo. (Also their handwriting is GORGEOUS!)

What We’ve Been Reading

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya: Marlena by Julie Buntin

Drew: The Miseducation of Cameron Post by Emily M. Danforth

Heather: Of Ice and Shadows by Audrey Coulthurst

Rachel: Priestdaddy, Patricia Lockwood

Riese: Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

Sarah: We Have Always Been Here by Samra Habib

MEET A WRITER’S PET!

Get to know some of our writer’s pets. This month we’re meeting KaeLyn’s betta fish, Billy Porter!

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?

Ooh, daphnia! Do you know what daphnia are? They’re water fleas, but they’re actually crustaceans, not bugs, and they are very, very tasty. I wish I could have more daphnia every day, but they’re a special treat and also my mom won’t let me eat too much because I could get the belly bloat!

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?

Laying my fins on a long, still, gently floating leaf close to the surface of the water. I used to use plastic leaf hammocks made just for betta fishies, but my mom added lots more plants to my home and now I sleep and rest on real leaves that fill most of my tank.

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?

I was hatched in an aquarium, but mom says betta fishies live in tropical climates. That’s why I have a special heater in my home. So I guess a lush tropical forest or a freshwater beach somewhere nice and warm.

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?

Sometimes I see another betta fish that looks just like me if mom forgets to turn my light off at night and it freaks me the FUCK out! If you see that other doppelgänger fish around, let me know, because I have this feeling deep inside that I must kill it. Only one of us can live!

Which famous or fictional fish do you look up to and why?

Hmm, this is hard to answer. There is a real gap in representation of betta fishies in pop culture and media. I’ve had to try to relate my identity to other types of fishies or, more broadly, aquatic life, but I’ve never felt seen by a famous animal. It’s like, who am I even supposed to be? You know what I mean?

What do you wish you could say to your Mom?

Hello, Mom. I really like to look at your face when you work at your desk. It’s very boring here without you. Sorry I cause you so much worry with my tail nipping. I can’t change who I am.

SLACKERS

September Retro-Reading: Apples to Apples

It’s Rosh Hashanah and also it’s fall I think in other parts of the world, which means it’s time for APPLES. 

“Strawberry Shortcake in Big Apple City” Is a Queer Romcom Don’t @ Me, by Heather Hogan (2017) – A classic film review sure to delight the cockles of your heart.

Get Baked: Apple Damn Sandwich, by Laneia (2013) – You think it’s just a recipe but it’s really a way of life.

Femme Brûlée: Vegan Apple Cider Cake, by Reneice (2017) – A great thing about Reneice is that she has a LOT of apple recipes. Here’s a good one for all ye VEGANS that also celebrates fall.

Liquor In The Autumn Evening: Spiked Mulled Cider for Two, by A.E. (2016) – If it ever gets cold, this would be a nice way to get a little warmer and a little drunk.

This Is How We Do It: Making and Canning Apple Butter, by Sarah Palmer (2015) – If you wanna get really domestic about it

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Here’s What 7 Youth Activists Want To See For Our Green New World, by Greta Moran

As an editor, I try to manage my own expectations about how much and what kind of original reporting we can publish given our budget and our resources, but I have to say I was an am SO THRILLED that we were able to publish firsthand reporting and interview material from the first-ever United Nations Youth Climate Summit, holy shit!! Read it!!

“Transparent” Changed Me (And TV) Forever, by Drew

I told this already to Drew in the comments because I was emotional after reading it, but this essay really helped me understand the social, cultural and interpersonal importance of TV as an art form and cultural force in a way I never had before; I’m so grateful to Drew for sharing so deeply what Transparent has meant to her so I could experience a small facet of it by reading.

Fear & Freedom: Traveling While Trans, by Abeni

I’ve learned SO much from all the Travel Issue pieces, and this piece of Abeni’s really stands out to me as one; getting to read her thinking through the role that travel plays in her life and those of her loved ones’ and how it brings to the surface the dynamics of both privilege and care that underpin them has been incredibly valuable to me, and I suspect will be to you too!

Black August: A Feminist and Queer Syllabus for Black Liberation, by Carmen

This was a piece Carmen had put together for August, but we didn’t get a chance to talk about it in last month’s Insider and the incredible amount of research and reading material she’s put together here is relevant and enriching all year long and frankly forever — don’t miss out!

PHOTOESSAY: Women Run the Show at Yola Día 2019, by Reneice

There is nothing about this for you to not enjoy. Molly’s incredible photos of the performers! Molly’s incredible photos of Reneice! The joy of hearing about what’s possible at a music festival run entirely by women! Treat yourself!

Social Media Spotlight

Our most popular tweet this month (129,000 impressions, 15,000 engagements) was inviting readers to vote in our second annual Gay Emmy. They were an enormous success. And the celebs who won were so excited about it!

https://twitter.com/IndyaMoore/status/1174399823337811968

Gazelle Sex, Revisited

Laneia: if the answer is graphic or otherwise bananas please thread it!
Abeni: lol is it this??? the descriptions in this are WILD
“The Gazelle And Stallion” Position, Variant 3 – TantraMag

First the man kneels in front of the woman, with his buttocks on his shanks. He firmly grasps the woman’s waist and pulls her over in order to insert his virile member inside her hot, wet vagina. After the man enters her slowly and deeply, he raises on his knees, sustaining the woman’s pelvis …

Abeni: “If his thrusts are forceful, they may awaken the woman’s fundamental energy, Kundalini.”
Laneia: OK WOW
Abeni: “She will perceive waves of energy starting from her pelvis and flowing towards the crown of her head.”
she just will. this position guarantees it!! if his thrusts are forceful enough
i dunno this was the first link i saw so
Christina: “Hey babe, I really need some waves of energy starting from my pelvis and flowing towards the crown of my head tonight”
Dani: Holy shit
Abeni: gimme summa that kundalini bae
Stef: are there antlers
Vanessa: what…what. i’m late but. what.

XOXO

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59 Comments

  2. I have often been bewildered by the habit of grown-ups playing video games, yet the Untitled Goose Game makes me want to buy a Nintendo so my goose persona can run around creating mischief.

  3. Hey you’re all BABES also a bunch of thirsty spooksters according to your slack emoji usage which I approve

    This message brought to you by not enough sleep

  5. Not to make it all about me but I can reveal that gazelle style sex is where I fall asleep in the middle of it

    This would be funnier if I was using the “real” version of my name here

  6. I will vegan the fuck out of that apple cider cake, watch me do it!
    At least when my mouth has healed I’ll eat that cake
    😔

      • heh heh heh you suuure you don’t want to hear all about it @amidola????
        estimated 40mL of blood loss….
        face bra for 3 weeks…..
        stitches running from tooth 17 to 32 all along my gums? no?
        no?

          • Thank you! I’m doing pretty good overall, just a ton of swelling around my jaw but not much pain. The face bra should come off next Wednesday, and maybe the stitches will start to dissolve around then. Really, the biggest challenge right now is trying not to eat corn chips, as they would rip my shit up like Cap’n Crunch apparently does.
            I reallly want chips n salsa though….

          • *ahem*

            *shared from a nice conversation with @iarrannme, all credit to her.*
            When I needed cheering up, this is what I got:

            “What you need is a song! To the tune of the Animaniacs theme…

            Chorus:
            We are the Animaniacs!
            We’re gonna sing some face-bra facts!
            Don’t do surg’ry with an axe
            our standards are very lax),
            rock that face-bra to the max!

            Verse:
            Come on and get the face you’ve chosen
            Using scalpels, stitches, glue –
            then match with skirts or lederhosen;
            we say honey, you do you!
            We are here for fancy posin’
            but we are not here for flu!
            And if your face
            Needs glitt’r and lace
            Then here’s some sparkly blue!”

          • You know I’m torn in between wanting to picture google a face bra and being afear’d of that search because I can pretty much guess that it’s not going to turn up what I’m looking for when I google face and bra. Or it just might but in a different context?
            Anyway, while I’m still marveling at the side effects of that pain medication, I hope it keeps you pain free and animated, that you heal up well and I hope you’ll keep us abreast of the development of your situation.

          • @iarrannme is wonderfully creative, hysterically funny and super kind

            Also deserves goblin cheerleaders, and I will send some her way when the next shipment arrives

          • funny thing – pain meds don’t actually do anything for me. Like, nothing. So I haven’t taken any. I’m getting by on nerve damage and sheer bloody toughness. Although honestly the most pain I’ve felt so far has been the facebra rubbing my little shell ears raw, requiring me to put some moleskin on them for protection! I can even gently rub my jaw where large amounts of bone were sawn off.
            As I am at work I will not do the googling for you. But please let your imagination run totally wild with it.

            Just maybe not this wild.
            Are you really getting shipments??

  7. Also I’m excited to see what all the new writers are bringing!

    WELCOME!!! Can’t wait to meet you all!

  8. I can’t believe the Apple Damn Sandwich post has only been in this world since 2013, I can’t imagine a time before it?!

  9. The Apple Damn Sandwich changed my life, ngl. (also have I really been lurking around AS that long???)

      • Was it YOU who chased me screaming across that footbridge at the Ontario Stratford Festival after your goslings waddled too close

        • If it was at the 1982 run of The Mikado, then yes! I mean, it was my mom. I was one of the goslings at the time. They brought the poster with them when they moved from Michigan to Utah, and now it’s hanging up in the spare room:

          • Ah! No, I distinctly remember wearing a peasant skirt and poet blouse (because I was terrified the goose would manage to latch onto one of the ruffles) so mid-90s probably

          • Alas, I think ’85 or ’86 was the last summer I made it to Stratford. Whichever year they did Macbeth. I really miss Canada…. Letterkenny just makes me miss it more

  12. That whole Gazelle situation has now given me so many questions about Kundalini Yoga.
    Also, is this a good place to compliment y’all (I’m going for the American vernacular here) on the Travel issue? I’ve been craving stories about queer people in different parts of the world for a while and the Travel issue was suprisingly versatile and satisfying in that regard.

    • yes! Especially the trans stories for me! Being barely passable or GNC on the road can be fraught, and it was cool to hear from other people getting out there and seeing some cool shit anyway.

  13. wow none of you complimented my handwriting this is fine I didn’t barely pass precalculus bc I cared more about pen(wo)manship THIS IS FINE

    • Ahh I meant to I really did! I said “whoa” out loud as I scrolled past it. I just have the memory of a discombobulated gnat at the moment

    • I’m the last person who ought to comment on handwriting, but mad props for the organizational set up. It was mildly anxiety inducing for someone as prone to chaos as me, but the more admirable for it.

  15. So this is my first insider issue since I signed up last Saturday and the writer’s pet rubric is the wholesome content I didn’t know I needed!?
    Either I’m really weird, or I found the right community 😅
    Thank you for everything you are doing!

  16. I remember being at an indigo girls show a long tome ago and Amy brought the new York Times on stage to show everyone that they were in the puzzle. She was ecstatic.

    Congratulations on making it. I guess you can all relax now. 😏

  17. trying SO HARD to picture the bod mechanics described in the gazelle sex writeup and yet am stumped. does it involve joints straight ppl have that we don’t? why is the word shank used? much to think about.

  19. Where could I buy the top planner from? I’ve never been able to find one with the times for the day and spaces for to do lists and shit.

Comments are closed.