Letter From Your Editors

A happy end-of-August upon you, friends!

This month Laneia asked us to come just as we are (Southern Baptist Hymn #187) for our outsider photos, and so that is what we did. We all came as what appears to be the essence of our individual brands, distilled.

Tops: Heather // Carolyn // Carmen // KaeLyn // Laneia // Al(aina)
Bottoms: Vanessa // Drew // Stef // Kayla // Rachel // Sarah

Speaking of distillation, this weekend a bunch of queers trekked to NYC to take part in the Bitches Brew class I offered up as a perk during our recent Autostraddle fundraiser (oh, hey, this is Heather). I’d made it as easy as I could for the server who was tending to us downstairs in our little room in the the little craft beer pub, placing all my orders well beforehand and making a checklist for what time to drop off what beers and snacks. But the server kept checking in on us, and more frequently as the night wore on, and then stopping for long stretches of time just to listen. She asked me afterward if it was my job, traveling around the world teaching people about the feminist history of beer, and I laughed and said, “Kind of.” And she said, “What does that mean?” And I said, “My job is to serve the queer community, to make space for them and help them stay safe, to know that they belong.”

It’s a funny thing how many shapes that job takes — writer, editor, administrator, social media manager, human resources consultant, image-maker, facilitator, negotiator, red carpet interviewer, camp counselor, beer educator, to name a few — and that no matter how many forms I need to take on any given day, how grateful I feel to do what I do at the end of them. It’s true for all of our editors, the many shapes and the gratitude for having the opportunity to be able to bend into all of them. Okay. Well. The ability to bend into most of them.

One shape we’ve been especially thankful to be able to take this month is: interviewers! Over the last few weeks, we’ve hopped on the phone with so many brilliant, compassionate, clever, qualified writers who applied to join our team — and holy heck have we been energized by them and their ideas. Twitter and cancel culture may be trying to erode our community, but these writers are full of of life and love for the totality and uniqueness of each queer experience and bridging the cultural gaps between lil bbs who grew up in the gay embrace of Tumblr and elders who haven’t spent a single second of their wild and precious lives thinking about the discourse. Oh, we can’t wait to introduce you to so many of these humans and their ideas.

We’ve been hard at work this month on some new client projects and proposals for some TV shows we think you’ve probably heard about, and also on our company culture initiative, something we’ve launched to overhaul our internal culture and rebuild it with intention from the ground up, to make Autostraddle a place where all of our staff and freelancers are safe and empowered to creatively thrive. You’ll be hearing more about that next month! You can also look forward to another Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us this Thursday!

Hope you’re getting some much deserved rest this Virgo season.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Carmen

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From July 2019

These posts were hella popular this month.

1. 25 Gayest 2019 World Cup Tweets, Ranked By Thirst by Heather
2. 21 Lesbian and Bisexual Movies Based on a True Story, Ranked by the TV Team
3. Friendships Are Work, and It’s Worth It: Loving Your Friends Like You Love Your Dates by Vanessa
4. Queer Horoscopes for July 2019: How Your Sign’s Navigating Security and Vulnerability Through July’s Eclipses by Corina
5. VIDEO: Rachel Maddow Casually Asks Megan Rapinoe to Run for President by Heather
6. We Need Help: Now Hiring Team Writers! by The Editors
7. What in the Bisexual Heck Is Going On With Tessa Thompson and Evan Rachel Wood in This New “Westworld” Trailer? by Heather
8. We Watched MTV’s “Sexually Fluid” Dating Show “Are You The One?” and Unfortunately We… Love It? by Rachel
9. Are You The Heroine of a Tamora Pierce Novel? by Rachel
10. 20 Lesbian and Bisexual Comedy Movies, Ranked by the TV Team

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Stef:

Valerie: Finally
Drew: I can’t believe there’s no Bette emoji. Where do I even work
Stef: listen
Molly: i’m just not ready for the discourse
i thought i was
i am not
Stef: i don’t want this
nobody wanted this
Drew: The entire TV Team is like…
Molly: * finger on nose *
Drew: Look. I don’t know what to say. When turned on I’m very stupid and for the sake of the cultural discussion I’m glad other people are smarter.
Bette Porter 2020
Molly: to be extremely fair i’d let bette porter run me over with a honda
Valerie: what about a subaru
Drew: Bette Porter wouldn’t be caught dead in a honda or a subaru
I bet she has a Lexus hybrid
Molly: jaguar
hybrid
Natalie: she drove a volvo in the original.
though bette porter doesn’t strike me as a (brand) loyalist
so who knows?
Stef: she wasn’t running for mayor in the original
she’s here to fix the LA metro like cynthia nixon
Drew: Deeply wish this was real life
Molly: “Eating pussy is patriotic. I’m Better Porter and I approve this message.”
“paid for by betty for bette porter”
Stef: this is great because shane loves politics

Laneia: rachel there’s a jumper at target in the pajama section and you have to buy it
Rachel: i’m listening
Laneia: it’s the most comfortable thing and i’m never taking it off
Rachel: I have “target run” written in my planner for today
the planner I bought at target
so i’m really open to more details about this jumper
Laneia: it’s here

i have it in dark grey and have seriously considered cutting the shoulder strings bc they’re useless and get in my way
i will be buying at least 2 more
if you wear it with a necklace rachel, it’s an outfit
Rachel: wow the #targetstyle social media gallery on this is STUNNING
I think i’m being influenced??
Laneia: IT IS TRULY THE PERFECT JUMPER
Rachel: a new insider collage that’s just all of us in this jumper

Stef: my ex girlfriend of five years ago sent me a sorry-you’re-sad care package and in it was chocolate, coffee, a face mask and… a bag of black lentils
honestly touched i love black lentils
what a gesture

Natalie: Where are you sitting?

Click here for full size image.

Valerie: I’d be at Nia Nal’s table with my friends staring lustily at Rosa Diaz’s table but being too uncool to sit there (did you make this?!)
Natalie: Yeah I did
Heather: ANNALISE KEATING’S TABLE
Valerie: 😍
Natalie: well, that was a given, heather.
Drew:I want to say Villanelle’s crime table, but I think I’ll instead sit with Adena and Elena, people I’d actually get along with who wouldn’t kill me.
Carmen:100% I’m sitting with Lena Adams Foster and Blanca Evangelista
Heather: i would be very interested to see blanca and stef interact with each other
Carmen: I think blanca and lena would be friends! And then stef would be like… you know when you have that friend that won’t go anywhere without their partner? And you don’t like their partner, but it’s fine whatever and you don’t have a choice?
I think it would be like that.

[in reference to our astrology roundtables]

A. Andrews: i can’t remember what i wrote about cancers but i kno it was mean
Rachel: it was perfect
never change
A. Andrews: couldn’t if i tried! ilybb
Stef: i think i was nicer than i needed to be
now i’m second guessing
Molly: i want to stand up for cancers but i also hate dating us
Stef: 🦀
Reneice:
every time i’ve liked a cancer and looked up our chart compatibility the site just crashes in a fit of giggles so..
Molly: we have too many deep ends it’s like a pool that says shallow end up NOPE all deep ends
Stef: molly is the lifeguard of her own pool

[in which Laneia and Carmen interviewed someone for a writer position who was revealed to be a cis straight man with a gender-neutral name]

Laneia: I’M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS DUDE
Carmen: I have yelled at like 5 different friends over text message about him.
Laneia: i just made eli sit through the entire story!
it was going to just be a funny blip until he said he felt like his perspective was necessary in our conversation and that we could learn a lot from each other and then it was NOT FUNNY ANYMORE
Carmen: LMAO! Right??
The arrogance! I just… wow.
And also that made his entire “my dream project would be to startup a media empire” reaaaaaaallly not cute
But its still crazy to me because clearly he reads our website enough to know our writers by name.. but doesn’t know enough to YOUR VOICE IS NOT WELCOME HERE
Laneia: right??
he knew so much about us!
i’m going to have to perform an entire ritual to be able to let this go
Carmen: Yes. I need to burn sage.

Rachel: 

This lake is 16,500 feet above sea level and is frozen most of the year. But on warmer days, hundreds of human skeletons, some with flesh still attached, emerge from it. A new study has uncovered more of the mystery of "Skeleton Lake." https://t.co/RIckcVGFSg

— The New York Times (@nytimes) August 24, 2019

Stef: 😄

Heather: does anyone remember if alice erased the chart in season five or six of the l word?
Carmen: It’s 5. She erases it because of Tasha’s military hearing.
(I know Tasha like you all know the entire rest of the l word)
Drew: Carmen, is your L Word Netflix icon also that picture of Alice and Tasha almost kissing?

Drew: Do we all have different ones?? Does Netflix know the couples we care most about??
Carmen: OMG DREW!

Carmen: Also WOW my continued watching is: l word, oitnb, derry girls, she-ra, and stranger things…. guess where I work everybody!
Drew: lololol, Mine is She-Ra, The L Word, Trinkets, and Pose
Carmen: I appreciate you so very much
Drew: Same.”The TV team breaks down which images Netflix chooses to sell their shows to us with and what that says about our personalities”

Natalie: Missed this:

Carmen: QUEEN. ON. A. BIKE. I didn’t hear anything you said after that, whoops. oooooohhhhhh all kinds of my thirst has just jumped out.

….

Carmen: Surprisingly I still know every word to U.N.I.T.Y.!
Natalie: Of course you do
Carmen: A fun fact about me is that Black Reign was the first rap tape (yes cassette tape) I ever owned! I got the clean version for my 7th birthday. U.N.I.T.Y. was the first rap song I memorized. Which says so much about me.
Natalie: If we ever host a lesbian edition of making the band, U.N.I.T.Y is what they have to know how to sing after they walk to get us cheesecake from Junior’s…  Did your mom not let you get the dirty versions?
Carmen: Oh she would have! My aunt bought me the tape. My second memorized rap song was LL Cool J’s “Hey Lover,” so we were definitely pro-dirty songs that kids don’t understand anyway in my house
Natalie: LMAO
Carmen: Right. I also feel like in it’s own way that’s also gay. Carmen’s first favorite rap song? women empowerment. Her second? sex with a woman. VERY on brand at a young age.
Natalie: Very.

The Gillian Anderson as Dildos Thread

On August 9, a brave twitter user created a thread of Gillian Anderson as color-coordinated dildos in honor of the celebrity’s birthday. Gillian, who is blessedly horny on social media, loved and RTed it. Obviously we also loved and RTed it, in our hearts.

Stef:

Gillian Anderson as dildos a thread

Happy birthday @GillianA pic.twitter.com/aUcWUbZULp

— 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐬 (@loriperrynicks) August 9, 2019

Rachel: hope everyone has their emergency contact number updated good NIGHT

Later that day:

Heather:

My favourite thing ever. You have seriously made my birthday https://t.co/G9OdtW1Etb

— Gillian Anderson (@GillianA) August 9, 2019

sorry ^ @rachel
Rachel: 🥰🥰🥰
Molly: i’m
Stef: um excuse me are you guys not following the #gillian-anderson channel
Heather: lol no i did not know it exists! but now i will!

And in a coda to this saga, in searching through Slack to find all the conversations related to this thread, I accidentally stumbled across a trail of breadcrumbs in Slack about how much heather loves the dildo kiln at camp.

Best Laid Plan(ner)s

Every month a different writer will give you a sneak peak into their notebook organization situation. This month Drew’s giving you an inside tour of her “chaotic system of the Reminders app mixed with both Google and iCloud Notes – featuring everything from shopping lists, to ideas, to reminders to fix typos.” She swears its going to make her “lose my Capricorn card” but I think (PS: I’m Carmen! I run this segment) it’s pretty neat!

What We’ve Been Reading

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya: Swamplandia! by Karen Russell

Natalie: I’m Telling the Truth, but I’m Lying: Essays by Bassey Ikpi

Drew: See Now Then by Jamaica Kincaid and Made for Love by Alissa Nutting

Heather: Dungeons and Dragons Player Handbook by Wizards RPG Team

Carolyn: No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know about Domestic Violence Can Kill Us by Rachel Louise Snyder and Trick Mirror by Jia Tolentino

Vanessa: Deenie and Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume (PS: Please let it be known that yes, I am reading these books so I can write an essay on learning to masturbate as a child, and also yes, I HATE the new Judy Blume covers, these are NOT what the books looked like when I was growing up and I REALLY DO NOT SUPPORT THESE CHANGES.)

Sarah: On a Sunbeam by Tillie Walden

Al(aina): Make Your Place: Affordable & Sustainable Nesting Skills by Raleigh Briggs

Rachel: The Undying, by Anne Boyer

Carmen: The Source of Self-Regard by Toni Morrison (I’m re-reading; and it’s well worth it!)

Laneia: Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski 🙃

MEET A WRITER’S PET!

Get to know some of our writer’s pets. This month we’re meeting KaeLyn’s cat, Jeter!

View this post on Instagram

J and I are rereading Fun Home. #summer #sunday #bechdel #funhome #cat #catstagram #instacat #catsofig #catsofinstagram

A post shared by KaeLyn Rich (@kaelynrich) on Aug 23, 2015 at 1:43pm PDT

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?

A cat must have preferences and those preferences should be both in good taste and tasty. That doesn’t mean one must be boxed into a singular favorite food, but also sometimes it does mean just that. Case in point, my favorite food is always chunked wet food in a sauce. (When it comes to wet food, pâté is just another word for soggy meat plop.) I preferred venison flavor by Max Cat for some time over all others, then changed to a multi-year interest in Max Cat salmon only. One month ago, I realized salmon was over (so 90’s and not in an ironic vintage way) and started exploring more modern new flavors. I’m currently tasting for my next favorite, which will be anything but salmon or venison, as I’ve made very clear to mom and dad. Mee-OW!

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?
Gently kneading Daddy’s bicep, all laid out the long way along the perimeter of the mattress, fully little spooned. :purrs:

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?

I suppose in the lush forest because my hobbies are smelling the air through an open window and pretending I’m a mighty hunter chasing wildlife. As long as my home is indoors and we have central AC and many windows with safe screens and other essential amenities. I surely do not want to be too far from civilization and I also don’t want to be too close to strangers (ugh), so living on the edge of a forest in a very nice house about an acre away from the nearest road that leads into the city would be just perfect.

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?

Some would say I’m like a ghost: mysterious, shadowy, a loud creeper in the night, shouting into the abyss, staring wide-eyed from the top of the stairs, here and not here, a gentle prancing skittering snuggler.

Which famous or fictional [type of animal] do you look up to and why?

Mufasa. What. A. Stud. MROW.

What do you wish you could say to your Mom?

Thank you for luring me out with treats when I came home with you and I’m sorry that I give Daddy most of my attention. It’s not that I don’t wholly appreciate you. I just don’t like you as much, but I love you equally. I hope you do understand. Thank you for always cleaning up after me when I eat too fast and lose my good manners on the floor directly where you will step in it. It’s not personal. I’m just an anxious eater and I’m very hungry now, speaking of. So…would you care to join me in the kitchen?

View this post on Instagram

Feisty J. #cat #kitty #catsofig #catsofinstagram #instacat

A post shared by KaeLyn Rich (@kaelynrich) on Apr 29, 2014 at 10:26pm PDT

SLACKERS

August Retro-Reading: Autostraddle’s Going Back to School!

Hi, Carmen again! I’ve never quite gotten out of the “Back to School” habit, so for all you nerds like me, here are some fun “school themed” retro-reading to help set the mood:

One Pen to Rule Them All: Our Favorite School Supplies by: The Team (2016) – September is for buying notebooks, planners, and new pens. I don’t make the rules. (Side note: Seriously, does anything smell better than a brand new notebook? You tell me!)

All of the Ultimate Back-To-School Advice for College-Bound Queers by: Maddie and The Team (2015) – Here there college attending ‘Straddlers! We see you, and we’re wishing you the very best this school year! Go get ’em!

College Lesbianage #1: I’m Looking for Girlfriends, Not Bridesmaids by: Lily (2009) Ah, the intrepid start to our entire College Lesbianage series!

Six Accidental Educators Who Unintentionally Taught Me I Was Queer by: Jenn (2012) Thank you Ms. Robin in freshman year World History who secretly dated Ms. Jamieson, our swim coach. Your hot Catholic school love affair was only rumored, but it was the representation I needed at 14.

This is What Sex Ed Looks Like in My Queer Feminist Utopia by: Austen (2014) I love this dream, and I want to make it a reality.

Interview With My High School Crush: Leanne by: Carrie (2017) It will absolutely make the 16 year old inside of you weep with possibility and joy!

Stories About Beyoncé That Are Really About the First Girl I Ever Loved by: Carmen (2018) This one is also about a school aged crush, but it doesn’t end nearly as happy (is it awkward to link your own writing in a retro-reading? I have no idea, I’ve never done this before!)

Lesbian Prom Gallery: Heartwarming Photos Of Girls Taking Girls To Prom, 1985-2015 by: Riese (2015) A CLASSIC FOR A REASON!!!

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

All of “Jane the Virgin” Is on Netflix! Let’s Relive the Gayest Moments!, by the TV Team

The TV team has been so excited about this and it’s been so bittersweet watching them put it together! What a pleasure to read and remember!

How These Lesbian Couples Decided to Get Pregnant, by Kayla

I got the chance to attend Maybe Gay-by for the first time this camp, and was shocked at how much I didn’t know about getting pregnant, how much even people who were working very hard to learn about getting pregnant seemed to not be able to find out, and how mysterious and lonely everything felt. I’m so happy these couples were able to talk to us a little about how they made the decisions around parenting in their relationships!

Finding Friendship Between Past and Present, by Oliver Reeson

I just love this essay so dearly; it’s tender and smart and funny in parts and overall a very generous thing to have shared with us about something very personal. Take a read!

The Mexplainer: A History of Anti-Brown Violence in the American Southwest, by Myriam Gurba

I’m so heartbroken that our first opportunity to publish Myriam Gurba came in the wake of violent tragedy, but so grateful for the opportunity to read this piece, which is truly remarkable. Please read it, please share.

Toni Morrison Has Died at 88; When I Was 27, She Saved My Life, by Carmen

This was a heartbreaking month, wasn’t it, in so many ways. The day we lost Toni Morrison was so sad and seemed endless; I’m so grateful for this piece from Carmen bringing it light and purpose.

Social Media Spotlight

In case you missed the most important queer news of the decade, I’m here to tell you Jenny Schecter is not dead! I wanted to moderate every comment that was rude about her and unfortunately was overruled! However, there were some good tweets!

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/1161451734897590272

pic.twitter.com/fGg3Pcikkz

— Meredith is exhausted (@Meredit29718151) August 14, 2019

JENNY ITS MARINA I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU

— skinnedteen (@hiimjade) August 14, 2019

pic.twitter.com/xyXVK5QJQG

— Paul Muad'Dibs On That Pizza (@cloneposter) August 14, 2019

HAHAHAHAHAHH YESSSSSSSSS FUCK YESSSSSSS pic.twitter.com/kJGRrWiVwR

— HoneyChile (@ocelyt) August 14, 2019

https://twitter.com/Iadybtrd/status/1161997785471868928

Dana did not get caught with a bag full of sex toys to be left dead like this https://t.co/WnltyUwrA8

— Ant 🐧🤟 (@CLAntarctica) August 14, 2019

https://twitter.com/soupdumpIings/status/1161692048430383104

https://t.co/PipYcGNtDC pic.twitter.com/4cExblnekT

— Laura Robida (@lmrobida) August 14, 2019

Last time this was news it was April Fool's Day and @autostraddle got me good. Is this actually for real now!?! 🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞 https://t.co/US0zquGpaH

— Cl&estineGloveLunch (@TedDancin) August 14, 2019

https://twitter.com/nicoleatone/status/1161600035840241664

Because She Lives

Sarah: Does anyone have a screenshot of Shennystraddle?
Heather:

Sarah: Oh my lord.
Heather: It’s even better than I remembered.
Sarah: We have to do Shennystraddle 2.0.
There’s so much more content in me.

Paging Poison Ivy

Vanessa: [this NYT article about whether plants can communicate]
Vanessa: ^^^ just want to make it clear that the above article is about a woman who believes plants are TALKING TO HER. she can tell because of the “texture” of some of the voices she hears. i have not read the article bc now i’m out of NYT clicks for the month but she must be gay, right?
Rachel: I read the article! she sounds potentially gay! she’s also european I think though if that changes your read at all
Vanessa: HAHA
you know it does, a little
i think i want her to be gay
and write a column for us called
“listening to plants”
open to a different title, i’m not great at naming things
Rachel: plants: hear them out
Stef: isn’t that just… cee
Abeni: hmmm i wanna write a post about what your choice of house plant tells you about your lesbianism
like:
fern: high maintenance, probably a pillow princess
succulents: avoidant attacher
fake plants: ????
lol
Rachel: yes pls
a little scared about what this will reveal for me but also feeling ready for personal growth
Vanessa: omg abeni yes plz
think of all the memes this will spring forth
think of all the ways we can flirt with our crushes
think of all the SELF GROWTH we will experience
Stef: all my plants died 😔
Abeni: dead plants: cold dead heart, dead inside, love will remain elusive?
oof um just kidding? i kill all my plants too
but i have a warm loving heart
Vanessa: HAHA
Abeni: vegetable garden: caregiver, maternal,
ok i will write this lol
Rachel: I killed all my plants by OVER watering them
which is distressingly on the nose
Abeni: oooooohhhh yes that’s key
wow this is maybe a very powerful analogy
i feel a lot of responsibility now to get this right
Rachel: we’re all counting on you abeni
Abeni: oh shit

XOXO
Team Autostraddle

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