The Autostraddle Insider: Issue 59, July 2019

Letter From Your Editors

Hello New Pals and Old Pals!

This month’s collage challenge was to show a picture of yourself traveling, a challenge which apparently stymied the vast majority of our team members who didn’t contribute pics to the collage. I (Riese) personally misunderstood the challenge but listen, it’s been a busy month:

Top: Kayla // Laneia’s dog Penny // Drew // Reneice
Bottom: Vanessa // Riese // Heather // KaeLyn

Wow guys, wow!!! This fundraiser! You! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

This beautiful team and all the hard work they’ve put into making this a SMASHING SUCCESS! Listen: I knew, numerically, that we had a lot of readers. But in the past two weeks we’ve heard words from so many more readers directly than ever before — via your notes with fundraiser donations, your support on social media, your responses to newsletter emails, your messages to us directly, your stories in the 616 writer applications we’re currently going through. Today we got a card in the mail with a picture of a rocky beach on it and what was inside made my cry real tears. It has been so much light upon me, upon all of us, as we met our fundraiser goals and then reached higher and higher, and met those too. We’re overwhelmed with gratitude for your trust in this team, and for the team itself, who has worked tirelessly for so little for so long. Autostraddle is far from perfect, and not all of our problems can be fixed with money. But you know what? A whole hell of a lot of them can!! It’s a start.

Last week’s HuffPo article “The Fall of Mic Was a Warning” really threw into focus the significance of what we’re doing here. Media that relies on venture capital, facebook algorithms, following trends (AHEM “pivot to video”) and capitalizing on social justice issues for outrage clicks — it’s all fun and money at first but it rarely lasts. Ultimately, big media companies have to answer to shareholders and aim for profits. The straight white cis men who own Medium, The Bustle Group, Buzzfeed and The Huffington Post have net worths in the millions and billions. Our aim has never been profit — it’s been to put as much money into the pockets of our entirely queer team as we possibly can.

Our origin story is familiar to a lot of you by now, but the gist is this: a bunch of talented friends who, in 2009, all agreed to build this thing with me for free. It’s not how most magazines are started: with money and a budget to build a team that reflected Still, we did it! We were limited in what we could do but we fucking did it. We stopped dreaming of an office or seeing each other more than twice a year a long time ago, but this fundraiser has enabled us to really reach some more achievable dreams: like earmarking a huge chunk of our editorial budget for POC and/or trans writers, to giving raises to our full-time senior staff, to getting the support we need to continue this work without physically destroying ourselves, and to give us the confidence that Autostraddle can support itself financially without A-Camp, thus enabling the process of developing a more definitive separation between the two entities, which require different leadership, skill-sets and approaches. (This is a very much in-progress concept but hey, you’re Insiders, so!!)

Tomorrow we get to send the invoicing email out to our Staff Writers with new, higher rates for the work they do. Next week we get to start the process of talking about new writers with rates that aren’t as good as the big media companies offer, but at least do not feel like apologies. We’ve already recorded two “To L and Back” podcast episodes with paid special guests, and will continue to. Soon we’ll be putting up calls to get a part-time help with A+, web development and project management.

Thank you for everything you’ve done for us — for your good faith, your patience with our mistakes, and your belief in our aspirations. I’m blessed by an entire team who threw their entire selves behind this wild campaign, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.

We don’t ever want to be owned by anybody but you.

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Carmen / Sarah

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Al(aina): megan rapinoe’s leather shorts and a tux jacket ONLY look is exactly what a 7 year old might negotiate to be able to wear to a fancy thing, and i love it.
Heather: al! yes! it looks like a von trapp child party outfit!

Laneia: !
Rachel: SIX DAYS
WE RAISED THE FUNDS IN SIX DAYS
y’all it took god seven days to make the EARTH
Heather: omg
Laneia: :sob:
Riese: well six days
they rested on the seventh day
work/life balance
G-d loves self-care
and taking care of Their mental and physical health
Heather: omg riese

Heather: laneia i’m sorry i haven’t uploaded the next batch of thirsty classics insta images, will do that today!
Laneia: it’s ok i’m dead
i have forgiven you from heaven
Heather: :gentleman-jack:
Laneia: there’s no instagram here it’s beautiful
Heather: you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to but is glee there or is it in hell?
Laneia: search your heart for this answer

Stef: Anyway the Dalai Lama is canceled
Drew: I thought my grandpa was dead but turns out he’s the Dalai Lama
What a twist!

Heather: stacy just called me from work to tell me this viola [davis being cast in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom] news
Riese: HA
Heather: like on the phone
Natalie: LOL
Riese: SO MUCH BIG QUEER MEDIA NEWS TODAY
Heather: viola wants our fundraiser to succeed
Riese: thank g-d a queer tv team like this exists in online media
it’s almost as if we are necessary???
Heather: almost like we caused this
Riese: surprise stretch goal
was getting viola davis cast in ma rainey’s black bottom
Heather: :donates a billion dollars:
Riese: let’s just put like “indya moore gets a part in generation q” as a perk and see what happens

[re: the flash sale]

Molly: i want to buy cameron
Vanessa: I’m Cameron’s agent plz check in w me about buying Cameron
Cameron: who is buying me, is it molly?
MOLLY IS HUCK GOING TO BE MY BROTHER?? can we get bunk beds?
Molly: one cameron plz
you and huck will be housemates to start, and i’ll leave it up to you two how deep you want the friendship to blossom

Vanessa: IF WE ARE ADDING PERKS
A READER JUST SUGGESTED @Archie WRITE SOMEONE IN AS A CHARACTER ON GREASE BATS
AND ARCHIE SEEMED ENTHUSIASTIC
SO UH
SORRY TO YELL BUT
I THINK THAT’S AN IDEA
AN IDEA THAT I WANT TO BUY, IS WHAT I MEAN
Cameron: oh dang
Laneia: ok WOW
gus and cameron am i go to put these two things in the flash pile? !!!!!
if archie fully agrees to this perk will someone @ me please so i can add them also!
Vanessa: yes laneia
i take on that job
BAT SIGNALING @Archie
POPPERS JORTS GUS GEORGE PALS ZINES GUILT-FREE
(that was my attempt to say things archie might be called to)
Archie: Sure sounds good to me @laneia
Vanessa: @Archie did you like my bat signal to you
Archie: I really did I have jorts on now and poppers in my coat pocket

Valerie: I’m in a meeting and 100% shouldn’t be on my phone but I can’t stop watching this flash sale I FEEL LIKE WE’RE WINNING SPORTS
Vanessa: WE ARE WINNING SPORTS
OMG IS THIS HOW I BECOME A SPORTS DYKE
Rachel: is this how megan rapinoe feels all the time
Valerie: WE DESERVE THIIIIS
Drew: I would like to ask her
Vanessa: i think our next step
is throwing a party
where the entire US soccer team
attends
I WILL PLAN IT DON’T WORRY
i know i’m v selfless

Best Laid Plan(ner)s

Every month a different editor will give you a sneak peak into their notebook organization situation. This month Laneia’s giving you a tour of her Passion Planner!

What We’ve Been Reading

Heather: Open Heart, Open Mind by Tsoknyi Rinpoche

Drew: Honor Girl by Maggie Thrash

Vanessa: Mostly Dead Things by Kristen Arnett

Laneia: Of Fire and Stars by Audrey Coulthurst and Jordan Saia

Reneice: Swing Time by Zadie Smith

Riese: How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee

MEET A WRITER’S PET!

Get to know some of our writer’s pets. This month we’re meeting KaeLyn’s Lionhead Bunny, Gandalf! (PS: Gandalf goes by Gandy! Just so we’re all on the same page here.)

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?

So listen up, dude, some rabbits, they like fancy shit like watercress and endive and basil. Not me, brah. You know what I really hate?! FUCKING FRUIT. Do not, DO NOT, put a raspberry in front of me. I don’t want your smelly, sticky apple. Do you know that apple seeds can kill rabbits? Do you want to me to die?! Seriously, dude, it’s a hard pass.

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What was the question? Oh, yes, my favorite food. For sure definitely, definitely, definitely my favorite food is TREATS!!! Fuck me up with some crunchy forage mix and some dry-ass timothy hay tablets. Ooh, yeah, sprinkle it right on my pellets, man. I will forage the fuck out of that treat mix. Can I have some? Can I have some? Sometimes the little human comes in and gives me a handful of forage mix but she’s never fast enough so I binky and zoom around her feet and then sometimes she throws it in my mane, but it’s OK – saving it for later, you know?

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?

I’m not one for emotional displays, but it’s hard to talk about my sleeping blanket without talking about Aphrodite. Aphie was my companion for the last three years of her life. She was a bossy older woman and I was a young, eager idiot that humped her face on our first date even though she was definitely a top. IT DIDN’T GO WELL. Anyway, she was soft, so pretty and soft, and I spent hours grooming her face and ears every day whenever she wanted it. When she crossed the Rainbow Bridge, my mom and dad gave me a soft blanket that felt like Aphie so I could lick, lick, lick it and also dig and shred it. I’ve had my sleeping blanket replaced a few times since then, but it’s always a plush blanket that feels fuzzy and warm like my lovebun. My perfect sleeping scenario is cuddling up with my gal, Aphrodite, but my second-best option is kicking it on my fuzzy blanket and it’s not the same, but it’s aight.

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?

In a lush forest is the obvious answer, because obviously, because bunny, right? I bet you thought I’d say, “Forest.” But us lionheads weren’t really made for the outdoor life, so a mountain might be even better as long as there’s plenty of grass and hidey spots and I had my soft sleeping blanket. I’m very good at jumping and climbing, so that could be nice and there wouldn’t be as many gross forest floor things like sticks and leaves to get stuck in my luxurious mane and butt floof. I would not consider the beach unless maybe the beach is crammed full of forage mix to forage! OMG, now I’ve got the munchies!

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?

What is a ghost? Is it like a human? Would it touch me or just see me? It can see me all it wants, but I do not like to be to be touched too much so probably not touch me though ok ghost?

Which famous or fictional bunnies do you look up to and why?

The best famous bunny is Thumper and let you tell me why. Because he’s in touch with his soft gender expression and is very beautiful like me and also very motivated by favorite snacks like me and also he’s a good friend like me and because he is an outdoor nature bunny, I assume he also does not like to be manhandled by humans like me. So basically he’s the best. If I was an outdoor nature bun, I’d want to be like Thumper and eat the blossoms instead of the grass and be very brave and gorgeous AF.

What do you wish you could say to your Mom?

Mom! MOM! Hey! Hey! Hey! Can I have the forage mix? Heeeeeeeeeey! Oh, yummy, yummy, yummy time, TREATS! OMFG, you scared me when you almost touched me with your hand. I totally flipped out, holy shit! Why would you do that?! What’s wrong with you? OK, now you can pet me but just on the top. Oh, that’s kind of nice actually. OK, you can pet me but not the ears. Um, I don’t know how to say this, but I like it when you work in the office with me and it would be cool if you wanted to come up and hang more often if you want to but, like, I’m cool if you can’t. Whatever.

SLACKERS

Redesign Retro-Reading

This month we’ve been celebrating a very successful fundraiser — our first since 2012, which we did to rebuild the website. It debuted in December 2013, and we celebrated by publishing work from writers we’d always wanted to work with but couldn’t afford to, which we unrolled that December and January. These are some of those pieces.

via Holiday Fashion Shoot: Lady Vengeance Style

The Second to Last Woman I Loved, by Roxane Gay – “I couldn’t admit this to myself but there was a pattern of intense emotional masochism, of throwing myself into the most dramatic relationships possible, of needing to be a victim of some kind over, and over, and over. That was something familiar, something I understood.”

Schecter 3:16 (Or How Jenny Schecter Saved My Life), by Heather Hogan – “There’s a Post-It note on my refrigerator that says Schecter 3:16. “Jenny died so you can live?” my roommate asked the first time she saw it. “Yeah,” I said. “Yeah, something like that.”

Holiday Party Fashion Shoot: Lady Vengence Style, by Arabelle Sicardi – “I was given free reign to do whatever I wanted, so I’m going to talk to you about my favorite things of the moment: looking terrifying (but also festive! Holiday appropriate!) and suits.”

I Am Going To Homeschool These Damn Babies, by Kim Katrin Milan – “…the skill I became best at with all these families was leaving: in the middle of the night, before I overstayed my welcome, leaving when I had nowhere to go, leaving when the yelling started, when the sun rose or in the dead of night.”

Top Ten Things I Genuinely and Unironically Love With Little to Zero Shame, by El Sanchez – “I enjoy cool kid things like independent film (mostly documentaries about food or whales), listening to vinyl (mostly Linda Ronstadt) and reading zines (people still make zines), but to be honest, most of my hobbies tend to fall into the mainstream.”

Are You The One? Hot Takes

We are all obsessed with the “sexually fluid” season of “Are You The One” and have created an after-hours slack channel to discuss it.

Drew: I’m tired of all this “the one” nonsense. More dating shows looking for “the sex idiot.”
Stef: “she’s here for a good time, not for a long time.”
Drew: What’s it called
Rachel: “are you the 2-5”

[…]

Rachel: I’m so worried about the jonathan situation going into this
Stef: i mean you are gonna think it’s as bad as it is and then it gets worse
Rachel: has anyone watched his naked & afraid episode
Stef: no but i am willing to
Rachel: you’re so brave
clothed & brave

[…]

Mika: I feel like remy gives me strong switch energy
What do we think
Stef: i was asking drew, do you think remy and basit have already fucked in nyc somewhere and are pretending not to know each other

[…]

Stef: who do we have to talk to to introduce the kai emoji to the greater emoji overlords at apple
Mika: please
no
im small I have no money
please
Stef: i want to text mika kai emojis all day long
Mika: It should never leave the safe space of Slack
Rachel: if mika figures out how to text the kai emoji my life will never know peace again

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[….]

Drew: Like remember when Amber lost it in episode one!
Stef: “i see person and i’m like, ok, amber’s a person”
Drew: I DIED
That was when I decided this is my favorite show
Mika: also nour calling amber
WIFEY
it’s taking me back to the closet
Drew: nightmare

[…]

Riese:: you guys i can’t wait for the finale when Danny shows up with a knife
Stef: i hope there’s an episode where they bring in their exes
and Danny’s is just a skeleton

[…]

Riese:: jonathan just keeps finding new ways to look even worse???
she just called Paige a TALL ASS STUPID ASS BITCH
i hope someone insults me for being tall some day
Stef: i will
I’M RIESE I’M TALL
Rachel: i’ll do it for your birthday
Stef: THE CHICKEN
THE CHICKEN IS JENNA’S PERFECT MATCH
Drew: Why is there a chicken!!

[…]

Mika: Kai makes me want to like
not have had top surgery
thats how bad
Rachel: lmao
Mika: I wanna like
ascend when I have to watch him
Stef: i subjected mika to a deep dive of kai’s instagram
Rachel: the crying and yelling!
yell crying!
Stef: where 3 years ago he was sketching faceless characters with open shirts
dreaming of how douchey he would be someday
taking many instagrams of his own armpit
Rachel: kai should have explained that his gender is ‘open shirt’ in the pilot
Mika: cursed

[…]

Stef: i think jonathan’s glitter t shirt is my perfect match
Rachel: max’s celtic cross tattoo is a perfect match with justin’s pierced nipples
Stef: the chicken is a perfect match with paige, an ostrich

[…]

Drew: Kylie and Remy should be together tbh
Just put the two best people together
Stef: yeah she deserves remy
Drew: Do Geminis date other Geminis??
Stef: oh god can you imagine
what a fucking mess
Drew: I’d like to watch
Stef: Famous Gemini-Gemini Couples
• Barbara and George Walker Bush
• Shia La Boeuf and Carey Mulligan
well.
Drew: OH GOD
Stef: that was NOT what i expected to find

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Marching at the End of a Very Long Parade: On Being A Queer Alcoholic, by Sagaree

This piece is such a skilled and generous balance of personal account of finding a sobriety community and exploring what that can and can’t look like, an analysis of the importance of and gaps in the AA model, and a daring exploration of what a future could look like. I love it so much!

15 Crushes and the Art They Gave to Me, by Drew

This club has everything! Sweet and acerbic meditations on youth and crushes that feel like they’ll kill you! Tidbits about art films you probably don’t know! Insightful exploration about how our crushes say more about who we are (or want to be) than it does about the crushee! Do not miss out!

12 Quotes About Freedom from Queer and Trans People of Color to Meditate on This Independence Day, by Carmen

When Carmen first floated the idea for this piece I was thrilled; the 4th of July is such a complicated and emotionally fraught day, and this was such a perfect way of centering the conversation on freedom in a way that matters, leaning into what it means to live freely (or not) in the US and rejecting empty nationalist abstractions.

Yes, Virginia, You Can Date Your Best Friend You’re Secretly in Love With (At Least, In Theory), by Rachel

I NEVER put my own work in here, but I am genuinely proud of this piece and writing and researching it took directions I didn’t expect, and I’d love for you to read it! I think it made me believe in love again, at least on a shaky, conditional basis?

Drew’s Outfest 2019 Coverage, by Drew

Did you even REALIZE that you were getting top-tier up-to-the-minute reviews and criticism of basically everything you care about at Outfest this year??? The DREAM!! The dream of having excellent, current and provocative film criticism on our website is HAPPENING because Drew is a goddamn genius. Don’t be left behind!

Social Media Spotlight

Our top tweet of July — by a lot — wondered what in the bisexual heck Tessa Thompson and Evan Rachel Wood were getting up to in the new Westworld trailer. It was a rhetorical question, but some people had some good answers.

Possibly Tessa Thompson IS Evan Rachel Wood. 🤔🤯

— Stacy (@LaikaSpaceDog) July 21, 2019

Don't question a blessing

— Nik (@NoTrueName) July 21, 2019

the machines have discovered spooning

— Jerkface McButternuts (@JMcbutternuts) July 21, 2019

https://twitter.com/Synth_Paladin/status/1152747232342478849

When you are alone in the world,
you have to SPOON together.

— Rudy James (@RudyyyJames) July 21, 2019

🥄

— Christopher Blewett (@Blewett17) July 21, 2019

No, YOU get up and find the damn blanket…

— Henry P (@hellodollyllama) July 21, 2019

https://twitter.com/thelittlefrien2/status/1153232835207151617

I think the bigger question here is, WHY THE HECK ARE THERE SHOES ON THE BED DOLORES? https://t.co/fuslTt1uZA

— Shel Newn (@leshaker) July 21, 2019

https://twitter.com/shookteenth/status/1152729445683400704

They heard me scream at the tv that I wanted their characters to fuck 🤷🏾‍♀️ https://t.co/Y6Ed03t2G9

— Margaret Wartime (@sryimnotsorry1) July 20, 2019

The future is bi Host on bi Host and I want this to be the new poster they sell on the quad on every college students wall! https://t.co/mSYFi1kBDd

— HomoMetronome (@Arocka120) July 21, 2019

https://twitter.com/stefschwartz/status/1152997602889277442

Q+ A: Are You The One?

Stef: Paige just sent me info for contacting contestants for interviews
Mika: omg
ahfgjagjakshgas
Stef: what would we even ask them
is mika your perfect match
Mika: yes
that should be a question to everyone
Stef: which emoji are you
:giraffe_face:
Rachel: I wanna ask if danny like, packed a lot of plastic sheeting and duct tape and if anyone has asked why
Stef: drew thinks danny isn’t creepy anymore and i DISAGREE
Mika: I wanna ask danny what he feels about high school
Stef: well i am gonna try to interview… the women
and not danny

[…]

Stef: riese what do we want to know?!?!?!!?!
paige was just like LOL SOUNDS FUN
Drew: I want to know just how drunk they were at different moments
I want to know how much time passed??
And what they did all day when not doing challenges
Riese: yeah wtf did they do all the time
Drew: And whether people had sex outside the boom boom room
Riese: if it was really hot in the house
because nobody really ever had clothes on
also what was with the random dancing scenes
Drew: What was Aasha doing the first week
Riese: also were they required to act like they’d just had 10 sudden orgasms every time Terrance J or Dr. Frankie said literally anything
Stef: where did the chicken come from
did the chicken find her perfect match
Riese: He says “we’re doing a challenge”
and everybody goes BANANAS
Stef: it’s like getting tyra mail!!!!!
Riese: right! same question for those girls
everybody needs to calm down
Stef: what did dr frankie do the other 23 hours and 59 minutes of her day
Riese: oh dude
Stef: did she really have to go to medical school for this
Riese: she’s a lesbian matchmaker
i learned this a few days ago in a fugue state
it just came back to me
Stef: tell me everything
is she the chicken’s perfect match
Riese: i am going to ask her to find my perfect match for me
for free
for an article
for autostraddle
Stef: oh absolutely
spoiler alert it’s jenna
sorry
Riese: no

[…]

Drew: You should personally host a reunion special
Stef:: that is my dream
me, you, riese and mika
i’m dr drew
you’re watching teen mom
Riese: omg i can’t wait
let’s get an airbnb and just reunion special this shit
new campaign goal
Stef:: honestly? down
i’m about to put myself in severe medical debt i’m ready to max out my credit cards
Drew: “We partied with cast of AYTO and everyone ended up in the boom boom room”
headline writes itself
Stef:: i’m ready to :max: out my credit cards
Riese: !!!!!!!
i’m ready to :max:out amber’s sexual stamina
Stef:: here for it i’m ready to button kai’s shirt for him
Drew:: I’m gonna put a condom on Remy
Riese: thank u for your service
Stef:: i’m gonna tie jonathan’s hair to the staircase

[…]

Stef: ok hi mtv wants to know who we specifically would like to talk to and the “angle” of our story lol
Drew: :kai:
Stef: that’s the angle
Drew: I think if you email that emoji back they will understand
Riese: yeah kai turned at like 3/4
is the angle
Drew: hahahaha
Riese: the angle of our story is that we honestly love this show and just want more of it i think right?
Stef: yeah?
Riese: we’re thirsty
Stef: bisexual representation?
Riese: for more
yes
love it
link them to our tila tequila interview
Stef: i’ll tell them we’ll pay them ninety thousand dollars to interview the whole cast
that’s what that fundraising money was for right?
Riese: yes
would love to do photo shoot with Robin
Stef: idk how you’re gonna afford THAT, i guess that’s what the extra money is for
Riese: i think honestly we’d like to know more about their journeys and what the experience was like for them as human beings prior to and on the show
Stef: do we want to do a series or a longform
Riese: we only get to see one side of them on the show and we want to see the other side
Stef: also you’re asking me
Riese: because they’re bisexual
Stef: yeah
riese
so they have two sides
our angle is “all sides”
Stef: well not if they’re pansexual, they reject the binary amount of sides
Riese: also biset
how are they coping?
Stef: like jonathan only has two sides
for sure
one side of jonathan has a lot of hair
the other side cannot eat frogs
i do not care about interviewing jonathan
or justin
Riese: no we want to talk to: the ladies, biset
Stef: kai?
remy?
Riese: kai
remy
Stef: that’s it
Riese: mhm
for remy we want to talk JUST about peter theil
Stef: :remy:
ok i will let you know what they say
Mika: BASIT CONFIRMED VERSE TOP