Letter From Your Editors

Summer squashes, hello!

This month Laneia asked us to take a photo with a donut and then Riese offered to PayPal everyone to buy two donuts — one for them and one for a friend — because not enough people had sent in donut pics. And well that did the trick and here we are.

Top: Drew // Riese // Molly // Laneia // Valerie // Heather // Carmen
Bottom: Sarah + Cee // Vanessa // Kayla // Stef

This is Heather, not Riese, because we are exactly one week away from departing for A-Camp, which means Riese is zooming around at 11:00 p.m. on a Sunday night beating back about ten thousand fires. This month has been extra bananas around here! Camp, of course. That sponcon Riese mentioned in the previous Insider (plus more sponcon on the way!). Launching our Outsiders Issue. Planning for our senior staff Shakedown. Riese also having to shake down the people who owe us money, multiple hours a day, every day, in the hopes that they might pay us a little bit of what we’ve earned. Thinking about our upcoming summer fundraiser. All while trying to keep the other parts of this ever-growing machine turning smoothly to give you the regular daily content you need and deserve.

I’ve been so excited to work closely with Sarah these last few months on our Gentleman Jack campaign and I’ll be honest with you: We’ve both been overwhelmed by your support around it. Tweeting at HBO to thank them for singling us out, liking our sponsored posts on social media, commenting such nice things on our Women Crush Wednesday series, and on and on. If you’re reading this, it’s because you’ve already committed to supporting us financially — it’s really a step above to support us emotionally as we try to diversify our revenue streams as much as possible to stay alive in this queer media wasteland. Thank you. Sincerely, thank you.

This month, we dug into the A+ Inbox to answer so many advice questions for you, and we’ve got another Some Answers to Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us coming at you this very week.

Stay hydrated out there in this summer sun!

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Heather / Carmen

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From April 2019

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Autostraddle March Madness — Best Coming Out Final, by Natalie
2. Taylor Swift Didn’t Come Out But She Sure Did Make a Gay Music Video, by Heather
3. Saving Face” Director Alice Wu Is Bringing a Lesbian Teen Rom-Com to Netflix, by Carmen
4. Autostraddle March Madness — Best Coming Out: Final Four, by Natalie
5. Pop Culture Fix: Tessa Thompson and Brie Larson Broke The Lesbian Internet With Their Red Carpet Canoodling, by Heather
6. Queer Horoscopes for April 2019: Get Ready to Receive Deep Gay Magic, by Corinna
7. Karen Erases Her Own Bisexuality, Comes Out as Straight in Will and Grace’s Reverse Puppy Episode, by Heather
8. Pop Culture Fix: Kristen Stewart’s Charlie’s Angels Are Here, Surely One Is Queer, by Heather
9. Songs to Make You Cry in the Grocery Store, as Ranked Compared to “Fast Car”, by Rachel
10. “Wild Nights With Emily” Might Be The Best Lesbian Comedy Ever, by Heather

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Vanessa: I was editor in chief of the newspaper because of course i was
and we switched editorial staffs in february so the seniors wouldn’t be working on their own graduating issue
but at midnight on prom night, when the new editorial staff was working late to get the grad issue ready
something went wrong!
and so i left a group of kids drinking at my house, abandoned my date Alex who never brushed his teeth and who i am p sure is gay but is married to a woman, and had my best friend drive me back to school
so i could work on the newspaper until 4am
because i was better at the job than the whole new staff, sorry not sorry
anyway i’ve always been like this is what i’m telling you
Drew: There are a lot of great things about this story but “Alex who never brushed his teeth” is definitely my favorite
Laneia: fucking alex
Carly: never change, vanessa
Vanessa: he watches my IG story every day now :shrug:
i can’t change carly
even if i try
even if i wanted to
Robin: hahhaha
Alex: I have a slack notification set up for “alex”
so
Vanessa: lol love you alex
❤️
Robin: go brush your teeth Alex

Rachel: big day for us:

“To celebrate Masturbation Month, Erika has released an explicit, sex documentary for free for all! Female Pleasure Circle is a 45 minute film with 6 female performers who discuss their own personal stories with masturbation and pleasure, before a group masturbation session and a very hot orgy. “

Laneia: who has 45 minutes

Heather: one day i’m going to start sending I. Marlene King A-style messages like “i know” attached to offensive scripts
“You bark, I bite. Say my name, they BOTH get the blame.”

Vanessa: hi @channel i have a question which is, is anyone here NOT attending camp, in which case i will miss you very dearly, but also i am wondering if maybe you’d be willing to host the Friday Open Thread while we are at camp and 95% of the website staff is unavailable? i will be so grateful to you and will also find a fun way to thank you, like maybe i’ll do what heather does and send you stickers or maybe i’ll write you a love note on instagram (my love language) it’s hard to say but i will make it worth your while i swear!
Heather: Z˛bgbbgbbgbbfbfbfg———__!!!jdjjjjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdjdj
Vanessa: heather was that one of your cats volunteering
to host the friday open thread
while we are at camp?
Heather: lololol yes that was dobby
trying to volunteer/steal my sandwich
Vanessa: hi dobby i’m so sorry but i think i need a human to host the FOT :disappointed:
i still love you
Heather: his pitch is Friday Open Thread: GIVE ME THAT SANDWICH
Vanessa: i mean
compelling
do you think if dobby ever hosted a FOT our commenters would bring back their animal usernames
a revival of carolstraddle
Heather: the body of the post is just photos of sandwiches nobody gave him
oh yeah for sure, those are here to stay
Vanessa: i mean heather
you/dobby are making a real strong case
Heather: -io[];”?????????????????????????????????????/
oh my god
one second, i’m sorry
Vanessa: HAHAHA
DOBBY IS PERSISTENT
I LIKE IT
Heather: dobby is that writer that’s like 48 hours after their first email “just circling back to see if you got my insta dm about my twitter reply about the facebook message i sent you about the third email i sent about my pitch”

Molly: can we call lesbian visibility day lesbian brigadoon

[re: the last night of camp homecoming dance]

Laneia: who among us will be wearing 30 butterfly clips in their hair
Vanessa: laneia.
how did you know.
Drew: Was anyone asked to homecoming or ask someone to homecoming in a crazy/embarrassing way? Were promposals a thing at anyone else’s school…?
Vanessa: i think i am too old for promposals? like i don’t think those had become a thing yet when i was a wee 17 year old…
Drew: Yeah I was wondering when that fade started
Vanessa: probably with instagram, lol
Drew: No I was before instagram!
Riese: i wore 30 butterfly clips in my hair to MORP
u knew that U KNEW THAT

Marni: email from A-Camp:
“Chandler is no longer with the Zimmer Conference and Retreat Center at Camp Ramah in California.
Your email will be responded to by a member of our hospital team. If you need to reach someone immediately, please contact [person], our Zimmer Retreat and Conference Center Manager via [number] or email [email].”
Chandler’s gone?
i could’ve sworn i saw her in one of your pictures? did we know this?
Robin: oh yea
Marni: also “hospital team”
Robin: sarah and i caught her on her last day
sorry forgot to rely
she was replaced by another lady
who seemed nice
Marni: NICE NEW LADY
Robin: hahha
Marni: not to be confused with NEW FOOD WOMAN
Robin: i can’t remember all the name!
Marni: that sucks i really liked chandler
Robin: i deserve that
yea its sad
Sarah: Chanandler bong
Another person we will name benches after
Kristin: ugh CHANDLER IS GONE
wtf
Marni: chanandler bong is chanandler gone
Kristin: lol marni get outta here
go blast ur pecs
Robin: The Marni Kellison Pec Deck
Marni: MEMORIAL pec deck
Let’s call the deck off Brittani’s cabin the pec deck
Robin: oooo ok
there is a Robin Camper Residence cabin at camp
and I feel like its where I should be living
but also its a camper cabin i think
Sarah: it is but i bet you could show up and just be like
hey this is my house

Rachel: please enjoy this delightfully mysterious message from IKEA

“This June, IKEA will offer a new product during Pride month to support the Human Rights Campaign Foundation. Before we announce broadly, we are reaching out to a handful of our contacts to see if you would like to learn more – as well as receive a sample* of the new product (under embargo until U.S. announcement on May 21, 2019 at 9:00 AM ET).

If interested, please respond to this email to let us know you agree to the embargo, and we will share our press release/images. Also, for a sample of the product, please confirm your address and phone number – as well as any special delivery instructions (it will be a small package) – so that we can send the product to you ASAP.”

Laneia: What
Heather: omg rachel you have to get it
and assemble it
Riese: ask for the sample
that’s what i’m doing this year
i asked for pride wine and it came
in the mail to me in my home
reach for the stars
Heather: me too, i got three entire burt’s bees pride chapstick packs
Laneia: !
Rachel: pride wine!
what kind of wine was it!
Riese: i don’t know i have been too busy to open the box 😬

[…]

Heather: let’s have a competition to see who can get the best pride thing mailed to them from a pr company
we can add it to the insider and let people vote
in june
Riese: i love this idea
Heather: about who won
Riese: i just snagged a t-shirt
Heather: nice!
i think you’re winning right now with the wine
Riese: still waiting to see if reebok is gonna send me those shoes!!
Heather: i heard apple is sending stuff!
Riese: should i accept the offer of marijuana bath bombs
Heather: omg yes

Best Laid Plan(ner)s

Every month a different editor will give you a sneak peak into their notebook organization situation. This month Heather’s giving you a guided tour of her bullet journal!

What We’ve Been Reading

Laneia on the day everybody’s “What We’ve Been Reading” was due:

Laneia: i hope everyone takes some time in june to get back into reading, bless your hearts
Vanessa: HAHAHAHA LANEIA
Stef: me too

Heather: Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek

Vanessa: Bastard Out of Carolina by Dorothy Allison

Drew: Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson

Valerie Anne: Her Royal Highness by Rachel Hawkins

Al(aina) Monts:Waiting to Exhale by Terry McMillan

Laneia: Long Live the Tribe of Fatherless Girls by T Kira Madden

MEET A WRITER’S PET!

Get to know some of our writer’s pets. Today we’ll get to know more about out NSFW Consultant Carolyn’s dog, Sage!

What’s your favorite food (includes human food)?

My favourite food is anything my Carolyn is eating, especially cheese and crackers, which we are both allergic to, and also leaves, which I like to put in my mouth and then spit out onto whatever feet are nearest. I am not sure why this does not result is getting more leaves because I am so clearly done with the first ones!

What’s your most perfect sleeping scenario?

My most perfect sleeping scenario is to be as little a spoon as possible while also taking up the entire bed. Ideally I also have my butt on a pillow, so I can protect my human from nightmares by kicking her in the face.

If you could have a home on the beach, near mountains, or in a lush forest, which would you pick and why?

Where has the most tennis balls and fewest coyotes to run into on walks? If there are no available tennis balls I would prefer a lush forest of squirrels to chase but not ever get near and also a river to jump around in, but not a deep river, I get too excited about it and then I have to go hide from the excited feeling behind my Carolyn while also barking. Also there would be no blow dryers anywhere afterwards.

Would you say you’ve seen a ghost?

I have ABSOLUTELY seen MANY ghosts, my Carolyn’s old apartment was in her words “super fucking haunted” and I would not stop reminding her just how haunted it was by standing over her in the middle of the night and barking into the middle distance. One of the ghosts was my friend and my Carolyn told her to look after me so she kept me from falling out the windows when they were open even if I got excited and also we would spoon. Then a scary ghost showed up and we had to fill the entire apartment with smoke to get rid of her and I barked and the nice ghost left and the smoke was scary too! Basically everything is scary, I don’t know what to tell you. There are no ghosts where we live now except maybe for one, sometimes, so far.

Which fictional dog do you look up to and why?

I am more identified with smol bears than dogs, but if bears really liked tennis balls, not in a chasing sort of way, more in a running around with them in their mouths and hiding sort of way.

What do you wish you could say to your Carolyn?

I would tell my Carolyn that she is my Carolyn and even though I still pull her down the street after people who look like my old family sometimes I just get excited and I love her best. Also I would tell her why my stomach and legs and everything hurt and make me throw up and not want to walk even though tests have been inconclusive and that I wish she would stop taking me to get tests! What’s wrong is clearly wait is that a tennis ball

SLACKERS

May Retro-Reading: Pride!

It is a little confusing that the Retro-Reading I present is for the next month rather than the month in which the Insider is published but that’s ultimately fine, right?

Why I’m Saying No To Playing (and Attending) NYC Pride™ This Year, by Mal Blum (2017) – “What better way to represent the LGBTQ+ community and its struggle than by celebrating a straight celebrity who is cool with us (see: “ally”) at the expense of local queer artists within the context of a grandiose event sponsored by 36 corporations? ”

Comic: Pride in Portugal, by Joana Estrela (2016) – Illustrator and comics artist Joana Estrela draws a beautiful story about her trips to Pride in Libson and Porto (where she’d lived for five years before going to Pride).

More Than Words: Pride Rock(s), by Cara (2013) – A linguist on the origins of “pride” and why that’s what we call it.

We Went to Asia’s Biggest Pride March, by Jinghua (2017) – “Seeing 110,000 people take to Taipei’s streets for a pride march that explicitly made diverse sex education its theme gave me hope for a more ambitious movement.”

Femme Brûlée: Rainbow Pride Cake, by Reniece (2018) – You deserve it!

How to Love Your Neighbor and Love Yourself by Reading the Bible for Pride (2017), by Al(aina) – “I can’t make every passage better. There are some passages that are still, even after months of study, hard to accept. But I try to remind myself that it’s okay to be critical of what’s written and that questions can help my faith grow.”

School Spirit

[The “A-Camp High’ colors are red, black, white and grey but the idea of having a White Team and a Black Team and a Red Team didn’t really… sit well with us, so we floated other team names. We eventually settled on Ruby, Onyx, Diamond, Moonstone. But … the conversation kept going long after…]

Lex: if we wanted to be super complicated we could use the four signs from avatar the last airbender bc imo you cannot lose on whatever team you’re on
sorry i haven’t eaten yet but at this moment this seemed brilliant
Laneia: :heart: u lex
what if we went _extremely conceptual_ and did fire, ice, earth, wind
red, white, black, grey
or feelings: happy, happier, excited, sleepy
these are all very good you’re welcome
OR WAIT
omg
ketchup, milk, activated charcoal, grey
Lex: grey can be alternative bbq sauce
Kristin: HAHAHA
activated charcoal and grey
is my favorite
like last year when we were like
BLUE AND LIGHT BLUE
DONT @ US, THE BANDANAS WERE FREE
Laneia: WAIT
target, jcpenny, home depot, books-a-million
target’s red and everything else you get to decide
OR
WAIT
BETTER
red hot chili peppers, incubus, system of a down, evanescence
these are all free i’m giving these to you for free
Kristin: Angela, Rayanne, Ricki, and Brian
not it for Brian
Lex: i didnt even know jcpenny was still around and we need v ridiculous pronunciations for the store ones, thankfully books a million already helps us out w BAM!
Kristin: that was for you specifically laneia
Laneia: OR everyone puts the name of an ex in a hat, we pick four
Marni: About that
Laneia: STAFF MEMBER NAMES ARE AUTOMATICALLY REJECTED
you’ll have to settle for the marni kellison memorial bench circle
Lex: why dont we have four schools of lesbian thought just at the ready
Laneia: omg
Lex: that are just pieces of lesbian wardrobe: the snapbacks / the doc martens / the jimmy choos (i dont know shoes) / the chapsticks idk
Laneia: sticking with the gemstone theme but tweaking it slightly to avoid pearl: ruby, onyx, silver, chalk
ruby, onyx, silver, polar bears
Kristin: CHALK.
Laneia: LET’S GO CHALK TEAM :clap:
Lex: is it all school accessories / chalk / staplers / notebooks / scented markers just really nerd it up here
Laneia: real talk i love saying onyx over and over again, it makes me feel powerful
STAPLERS
staplers i have died
died so happy
Marni: Silver
Is not a gemstone
Laneia: i said it was tweaked marni
i tweaked it
slightly
rose team, peppercorns, salt team, silver
rose team, peppercorns, chalk, stapler
Marni: This is starting to feel like a strong password
How do we get it to Very Strong
Laneia: R0s3spepperc0rn$ch4lkSTAPLERS
i’m taking off for the rest of the day
Marni: GO STAPLERS
Abeni: what’s wrong with pearl? but u could say diamond. ruby, diamond, onyx… moonstone? hematite? i think pearl is grey-er and diamond is white-er
Carmen: I like diamond, ruby, onyx, and moonstone personally.
(I also like, pearl, ruby, onyx, and moonstone too)
Vanessa: I’m genuinely confused why everyone is anti-pearl
I also think it would be funny and cute to just name the teams like high school cliques although you know everyone would want to be the Nerds
Kristin: not sure i would want to be in THE PLASTICS vanessa

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

The Perfect Queer Poem Series, by Natalie

Have y’all READ this new series yet! When Heather first brought it up with the other editors, I thought I was going to lose my mind – it’s such a perfect premise, finding the perfect poem for the super specific queer occasions that define our lives. Have you read the Elizabeth Bishop one! My God.

Cherríe Moraga on Delving Into Her Queer Chicana Memories in “Native Country of the Heart”, by Yvonne

Excuse me did you note for your records that one YVONNE SONIA MARQUEZ has written this for our website, and has interviewed CHERRÍE MORAGA of all people? I am concerned that you did not!! Please read this and hold it close to your heart, especially the beautiful observations about memory and family history, while you prepare yourselves for another incredible piece by Yvonne for our theme issue!

Too Fast, Too Black, Too African: On Caster Semenya, by Kari

I couldn’t be happier that we were able to publish this piece by Kari – it’s a perfect analytical and personal look at what’s at stake in how Semenya is treated, and I want everyone I know to read it!

My Diné Child Will Hunt, Bead and Everything in Between, by Nellis

I felt so many of my own experiences reflected in this piece; so much of the activities we associate with childhood and adolescence are so gendered, and the anxiety about doing the ‘wrong’ one or being interested in the ‘wrong’ recreational stuff was so much of my growing up experience! I really loved this essay by Nellis about how she and her wife want to raise their children, and it’s such a joy to think about their kids being encouraged to fully explore and be present in the outdoors.

Cycling to Know Myself and Other Women: Culture and Colonization in Northern México, by Karla

Y’all! These photos! Can you believe! I cannot. This was such a perfect piece to have as one of the openings of our Outsiders theme issue; it’s beautiful, exploratory, challenging and eye-opening, everything we want this issue to be. You will enjoy it so much! Again! These photos! Jesus Christ!

Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Sleeping

Photo via The Gender Spectrum Collection

Take a nap. Just lay down for a minute and take a fucking nap. Set your timer for half an hour, turn on a fan, drape a dark t-shirt over your eyes and get a little sleep. You could be sleeping right now. Just a quick little sleep! It’s FREE. Sleeping is FREE. You are free when you sleep! Everything will be still be here 25 minutes from now. Stop reading this put your phone down shhhhhh take a nap.

Social Media Spotlight

One of my favorite things that pops up in our Twitter mentions is someone saying they did something because we told them to, so I went searching for “autostraddle told me” and found some real good tweets.

Of all the TV shoes I've watched because @autostraddle told me there'd be lesbians, Wynonna Earl is by far the best and most glorious.

— Tirzah Price (@TirzahPrice) April 26, 2017

@singing_ghosts hitachi magic wand, the "Cadillac of vibes" or so autostraddle told me

— come back batey (@kathebate) August 2, 2014

How the fuck did I end up reading a really interesting piece on paper dolls? @autostraddle told me to. http://t.co/0VKXUGVB6z

— Winona Writer (@txtstogibbs) July 30, 2013

@Ms_Occam truth. I haven't watched the Britney vid because Autostraddle told me she sleepwalks through it lol

— all the devils are here (@eloiserummaging) April 6, 2011

just bought some v neck shirts becasue @autostraddle told me they're cool. . .

— Angela Mason (@mason_jar9) February 20, 2011

@autostraddle told me that I won't be alone in december+that I can paint my nails for halloween. pretty content with my lot in life rn, tbh

— 𝓙𝓮𝓶 (@eltonjohnii) November 24, 2015

just found an unopened "lesbian" beer autostraddle told me to buy in 2014 in the back of my closet

— justine (@kvetchings) July 22, 2017

Reading a #StarWars book despite having very little background knowledge literally just because @autostraddle told me it was queer. I don’t understand what’s happening, but I’m in love with Holdo.

— Elliott Kozuch (@ElliottKozuch) February 8, 2018

is growing a pair, possibly making friends, because team autostraddle told me to.

— Nicole Gertrude (@nicolegertrude) October 26, 2010

IT’S FINE IF LANEIA DIES THIS WAY

Heather: everyone promise me that you will never ask stacy to play a board game
if you want to continue to love me, you will never play a game with her
Rachel: hmmmmmm
Laneia: :hand::skin-tone-3: you have my word
Rachel: what if it’s like
bananagrams
Heather: hahahaha still
Laneia: i prefer playing board games with children and people who are bound by law to love me
Heather: she is a boardgame fun-sucker
me too!
Laneia: also i am not super competitive about it and sometimes will not take the obvious move that would benefit me if it would fuck over someone else’s whole strategy
which i’m told makes playing with me “not as fun”
so
Heather: oh same
Laneia: what is stacy’s game
Heather: stacy’s game is like
i almost can’t even think of a tv character to compare her to she’s such a — oh, of course. it’s paige mccullers. stacy is like competitive to the point of drowning you and then riding to your house on her bike in the middle of the night in the middle of a thunderstorm to apologize in tears. (edited)
and you’re like “i mean that was insane and i will never ever ever play a game with you again, but i do want to make out.”
Rachel: ‘characteristics of my girlfriend ranked by their reminiscence to paige mccullors’
Heather: hahahaha!
valerie said something this morning that i thought would make such a fun list or like tv timeline
about how this character has the energy of like you don’t know if she’s about to seduce you or murder you, like even just standing in front of that window, is she about to lick it or smash it
and i thought oh we should start at faith and just ride that train through to killing eve
Rachel: oh man
Laneia: omg
yes
Rachel: even just like – have we ever done tv characters we want to murder us
probably we can’t call it that but
Heather: lololol
right exactly that same energy
Laneia: It’s Fine If I Die This Way: A Thought Exercise

XOXO Team Autostraddle

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!