Letter From Your Editors

Hello sunrises and sunsets!

Look, we made (ourselves) a thing!

1st row: Carrie’s breakfast, Yvonne’s collage, Sarah’s A-Camp workshop, Kayla’s Dixie Chicks shirt, Molly’s fire, Rachel’s packing list
2nd row: Stef’s balloon arch, Cee’s macrame, Riese’s wedding zine for Laneia, Laura’s warehouse of blenders, Abeni’s t-shirt line
3rd row: Laneia’s flat rabbit, Siobhan’s shirt, Heather’s old fashioned, Valerie’s painting, Alexis’s collage, Tiara’s jacket

Wow hi! Camp the world camp keeps camp spinning around! Believe it or not (you won’t), we do our best to talk about camp as infrequently as possible on the site because only 250-350 campers are involved in any given camp and we have thousands of readers so you know, that’s basic math. But being three weeks away from camp is a special state of mind wherein one does very little else. I remember when I realized that there’s at least one person who does Club Skirts Dinah Shore as her main year-round job and I was like, “how can doing one event a year be a full-time job?” OH HONEY NOW I KNOW. And we’re not just a conference with a full-service hotel at our service, tasked with arranging people into rooms where they sit in chairs and listen to people sitting in chairs at tables talk about various things, with attendees booking their own hotel rooms and finding their own meals. We’re not just shipping everybody to a Club Med that has plenty of things to do every day without us. We’re providing personalized lodging assignments!  We have programming that runs the entire gamut and back again, which means fitting ideas into spaces, ordering and sourcing supplies, finding sponsors, worksheets, A/V needs, budgeting, assigning support staff and designing set-ups for 100+ activities ranging from making tiny avocado earrings to making your own dildos, from rope bondage to bird-watching. We vet everything for social justice principles and hash out, extensively, what we can do to ensure camp is a safe and diverse space for all our campers. We often spend entire days just working out the specific needs of one or two campers who require special accommodations, budgeting out snacks or dunk tanks and bounce houses from five different party rental spaces, or giving feedback on the multiple maps, signage, gear and flags designed and illustrated brand-new every year. All of this is being organized by human beings, mostly volunteers but some underpaid staffers, who have entire other full-time jobs to do on top of A-Camp! While facilitating participation from talent working at about 10% of their typical event rates! I can’t believe we manage to pull it off as well as we do for the obscenely low price we charge! Plus we put SO much pressure on ourselves to have it be perfect in every way. Or maybe that’s just me, the pressure. Hm. What am I going to read at the reading I have no idea.

Sooo that’s what’s going on with me! I hope y’all are having some nice April days. I hope you enjoyed our A+ content this past month, like these precious excerpts from Gaby Dunn’s baby-stoner diary and Some Answers To Some Things You’ve Been Asking Us #18!

I want to also thank all of you for existing in this space where we could make Shennystraddle, aka the best day of my life, happen.

Love,

Riese

Co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From March 2018

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Team Pick: Lena Waithe’s “Vanity Fair” Cover Is a Watershed Moment for Black Lesbian Visibility, by Carmen
2. Autostraddle March Madness — Best First Kiss: Round 2, by Natalie
3. Autostraddle March Madness — Best First Kiss: Round One, Pt. 2 (Drama Faves vs. Sci-Fi/Fantasy Babes), by Natalie
4. Autostraddle March Madness — Best First Kiss: Round One (Baby Gays vs. International Faves), by Natalie
5. 9 Sex Toys Especially Relevant to Your Lesbian Sex Interests (Sponsored Post, by Riese
6. 47 Passionate Comments From 100% Straight People On The Daily Mail’s “Nobody Is 100% Straight”, by Riese
7. Total ’90s Lesbian Trivia Quiz, by Riese
8. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for March 2018, by Corrina
9. Paris Jackson and Cara Delevingne’s ALLEGED Relationship Is Honestly the Highlight of My Year, by Stef
10. 11 Surprise LGBTQ Moments From the 2018 Oscars, by Heather

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Yvonne: wait there are nipples on shutterstock??
Heather: !
what search did they show up in?
Yvonne: lesbian
Heather: perfect
Yvonne: i went from “sad woman” to “lesbian”
idk why
i was looking for a sad looking lesbian
Heather: hahaha, amazing
Laneia: “i went from “sad woman” to “lesbian”” <— me 2006

Heather: oh my god i have to go lie down in the street, you will not BELIEVE the way rachel weisz just talked to me about lesbian sex
Laneia: !
TRY ME THOUGH
Sarah: OMG
my heart jumped
Heather: [REDACTED QUOTE YOU’LL HAVE TO WAIT TO READ WHEN WE PUBLISH THE INTERVIEW]
Laneia: oh my god WHAT DID YOU THINK
Heather: that’s just one quote, she talked about it for like three minutes
I KNOW
Laneia: i would need water and a MINUTE
Heather: whew lordy
Laneia: jesus heather
Heather: it’s a great interview. she gave me great stuff and she was really wonderful. people will like it.
Laneia: it’s so early in the day for this
Heather: i know!
Laneia: i thought i’d had a great morning by finding a way to save $76 a month but wow no
Heather: holy cats $76!

Riese: what are some things that are light blue
besides the sky
i need this for a camp thing
Rachel: robin’s egg
Heather: twitter logo
Rachel: toothpaste kinda
Heather: blue raspberry popsicles
Riese: also what are some things that are navy blue
Heather: cookie monster
Laneia: aleve pills
Heather: blueberries are navy
and dory the fish
Laneia: oral b complete dental floss package
Heather: and the facebook logo
order of the phoenix book cover
my slack sidebar
Laneia: this is a fun game thanks riese
Heather: let’s do orange!
lady vols
Riese: we already did orange!
Heather: all my clothes
oh! sorry!
i missed it!
Riese: hahaha
Heather: i had phone sex with rachel weisz this morning, i’m very tired

Laneia: for lesbian visibility day roundtable, is the theme like, what
can we just write “lesbian” 70 times each
Heather: okay how about this. everyone goes out and tries to do something only an invisible person would get away with, and then writes about it.
and then we can see if lesbians are truly visible
Laneia: this is good, it’s investigative work and community building
Heather: exactly
Laneia: or like “what is the most visible thing about you, lesbian?” and my answer can be “these dark circles under my eyes”
Heather: right right right, love that too.
my increasingly greying hair
Laneia: ok stay with me on this one but what if we all listed our favorite type of corrector, like color-correcting makeup sticks, or white-out tape
the delete button
do you see where i’m going here
it’s a little more cerebral
Heather: oh wow yeah. yeah. i’m with you.

Vanessa: I wonder what a gossip mag would say I do if they tried to headline my every movement

“Vanessa Friedman bites her nails as lots of hot girls at the bar dance, showing off their legs”
“Vanessa Friedman avoids eye contact with the man breakdancing on the subway”

This is fun, why won’t the vapid fluff columns of the world comment on my regular face doing regular things
Stef: “Vanessa Friedman puts on a flirty display as she flaunts her endless legs at an exclusive Portland brunch”
Vanessa: Thank you for seeing me.

Yvonne: have y’all watched “wild, wild country”?
Riese: you bet
Yvonne: i’m only on episode 2 but i’m so amazed by how they built their commune
and wish we could do that
Riese: haha right? i know i thought that too i was like “hmmmm…”
Yvonne: i know some bad, weird shit goes down which i don’t know about yet in detail so don’t spoil it for me but still i was like omg this is the dream
Rachel: my thought was “is this how we sound to other people?”
when they talk about the land
Riese: what if i drove around in 10 rolls royces tho
Rachel: honestly I want a fact check on that
Riese: and laneia did all my interviews for me
Yvonne: and we rolled out a red carpet for you?
Rachel: because the number of rolls royces reported was all over the map

Sarah: did i imagine this, or did one of you actively know/promote this website on here one time
We’Moon: “We’Moon is an astrological and lunar datebook, and handbook in natural rhythms. We’Moon is full of art and writing by women from all over the world.”
Riese: vanessa worked for them
i put them on our list of 72 businesses owned by queers
during the dark, dark depressive winter of december 2016
Vanessa: Sarah I’m very close friends with the owners
Also yes riese put them on that list, thank you riese
Molly: i think i’ve erased december 2016 from my brain
Riese: yeah
i wrote that whole post while crying in bed, which goes to show that if you truly believe in what you do, NOTHING CAN STOP YOU FROM SUCCESS, not even heartbreak leading to your life being logistically destroyed and also the trump apocalypse
i hope to be an inspiration to you all
Molly: i’m also missing a big chunk of the end of 2017
maybe it’s a new tradition
a traumatizing fourth quarter
Riese: it’s definitely quarterly
most things are
probably the new moon calendar could tell us more

Kristin: marni if we don’t use the ampitheater
can’t we just put some plywood on some milk crates inside
like the old days
mary lambert will love it
it will be GREAT
Lauren: For reference: remember those big ass speakers we used on the carnival day last camp in the middle of the grass
I think that’s closer to what we would want to just have set up in the amphitheater for the whole camp
Kristin: guys don’t worry i am sending marni links she doesnt need like “WIKI: How to Build a Stage”
i am getting on everyone’s good side
Lauren: Woodworking with Marni and Karen: let’s build a stage!
Marni: you know what karen, i don’t hate it!

Carmen: I feel like I need sub-categories for my favorite ship! I loved Erica & Callie first. I loved Callie & Arizona the longest. I felt most recognized and seen by Chantal & Nova, which burned a hole in my heart that will never be replaced on this earth, but they also went away the fastest.
Quinn and Santana, Annalise and Eve, they have each had more than a few rounds in my heart.
That revolving door part of my heart is now making room for Petra and JR with an urgency I didn’t expect.
(I told a lie! I loved Tasha and Alice first. But I wouldn’t allow myself to call myself gay back then. So, I guess they were my closet ship.)
How am I supposed to choose?? Maybe I should make a poll!
Heather: carmen one of my favorite things about you is you never forget erica hahn
still wandering around out in the parking lot, still in your heart

Lost in New York: Yvonne Attends the Out Women In Business Conference

Yvonne Marquez from @autostraddle, @trishbendix from @Into, and @1demerith from @them, moderated by @brookesopelsa from @NBCOUT at #OWIB2018 yessss! #queer #queermedia pic.twitter.com/wGAp1kqkaI

— Rada (@Rada_Y) April 13, 2018

It was my lesbian pleasure to speak on an LGBT Women in Media panel at the Out Women in Business Conference in New York a couple of weekends ago. I joined Trish Bendix, managing editor at Into; Meredith Talusan, senior editor at them; and Brooke Sopelsa managing editor at NBC Out on the panel to discuss a range of things about the gay media biz. We discussed our journeys and how we got into our current role; what makes our publication different from the rest (I talked about y’all, our fucking amazing readers and commenters, like a proud mom!); how we’re bringing a range of diverse voices and experiences to our publications; and how social media plays a role in our work. It was lots of fun and I’m glad I got to hear from the other panelists and meet a few business students. Check out more from the conference under #owib2018.

On a more personal note, this was the first time I had ever been to New York as an adult and within hours of being in the city, I left my purse in the Lyft that dropped me off at my friend’s apartment in Brooklyn! Thankfully, I got it back a day later, after texting my Lyft driver, Ramon from New Jersey and coordinating with him to get it back. The morning of the panel, I took the wrong subway twice before I finally got to conference building. New York did not like me! I blamed it on Mercury retrograde.

But what I did love about New York is that some of the coolest people live there and I got to hang out with them. Heather Hogan and I caught up over some beers and then she very kindly escorted me to Times Square where I was meeting an old college friend. I also hung out with Kayla and met her cat, Paulson!

Also apparently I picked the best weekend to visit New York because the sun was out and it was two very pretty spring days before the cold and rain came in and flooded the subway. Taylor Swift voice Welcome to New York!

PYNK DAY, A NATIONAL HOLIDAY FOR LOVERS

Molly: Janelle Monáe and Grimes Share New Song and Video “PYNK”: Watch
@carmen
Stef: OH NOO
Molly: “a celebration of pussy power”
Stef: this is a lot
Laneia: “And like Monáe’s other recent videos, “PYNK” stars Tessa Thompson.” oh wow really i didn’t anticipate that at all
Stef: they’re close friends
Molly:


Valerie: oh
Alexis: I just


^^ me throughout this entire video what a bLESSING
Molly: THIS IS WOMEN TAKING BACK PINK FROM AEROSMITH
Carmen: OMG I AM WATCHING THIS AND I CANNOT TAKE IT
“Pink like the tongue that goes down… maybe”
“Pink like the paradise found”
AND THEN TESSA SHOWS UP BETWEEN HER LEGS IN THE PINK
(sorry, I am aware you all already know that these things happen)
“Pink is the truth you can’t hide” and then she shoves Tessa BACK INSIDE
Molly: she like masturbates tessa’s face i can’t
Stef: i am deceased
Valerie: hahaha carmen please never stop
Molly: sunny money keep it funky
omg the two of them crawling over lady butts to ech other
Raquel: help
Carmen: DID TESSA JUST CRAWL OUT OF A ROW OF BUTTS
OMG
Molly: yes
lady butts
Carmen: Yes, I am so glad that we are all seeing this together
Molly: good lord the imagery
the spit oh no
Reneice: I watched it while my girlfriend was walking the dog, literally ran outside and around the block to stop her in her tracks and show her the video
And she was all “babe you are being ridicul OMFG ARE THOSE VAGINA PANTS
Molly: YES
Carmen: Awwwww “pink like the holes of heart”
This got sad.
Molly: not if you think of it like “heart”
Natalie: That’s real love, Reneice
Carmen: IT ENDS WITH PUSSY POWER IN NEON LIGHTS
Valerie: wowowow
Molly: “what if i popped my head through your pussy pants”
“omg babe would that be too obvious?”
Carmen:

Carmen: This is gay activity:

Carmen: OMG THE LAST LINE IS “PINK IS MY FAVORITE PART”
Reneice: Remember that time Janelle Monae existed and built an empire around writing afrofuturist concept albums that are highly political and is now using one to openly support bisexuality cause I do.
Riese: I DO! we did our first meeting of the short-lived “autostraddle record club” for archandroid
Molly: i sure do, i made my family listen to archandroid on christmas day 2010 while we played cards
they were like “molly what”
Laneia: !
Reneice: Tara hadn’t heard of Janelle till Yoga came out. I sat her down with a blunt and a pbj and made her listen to the Sincerely Jane EP, Archandroid, and Electric Lady straight through, and now she doesn’t go a day without talking about Janelle being a genius
Riese: omg
Laneia: reneice you’re such a caring partner
Riese: yes that’s love
i was looking for that record club post and i guess in 2010 i apparently wrote like 2,000 words about how janelle is the future and the best thing to ever happen to music and we should all prepare ourselves … i also declared Ke$ha “forgettable” so, oops on that
Stef: to be fair ke$ha was forgettable
at the time

//

Meanwhile in Senior Eds…

Rachel: what is this new janelle monae thing
that is being discussed on twitter
Laneia: it’s in links
right now
it’s just a giant vagina
Rachel: interesting
Laneia: oh tessa is in janelle’s vagina
ok
Rachel: neat, chill
Heather: THIS DAY IS REALLY WILD
Rachel: remember that lady in the vagina costume from TRLW
wonder what her take is
Laneia: can carmen cover this
like
THIS IS GAYER THAN SEX
IT’S MORE SEX THAN SEX
Heather: Janalle Monae’s New Video Is More Sex Than Sex
Laneia: lord jesus
Rachel: I think we can preemptively call this day around 3 pm
go out for daiquiris and nachos

What We’ve Been Reading

Natalie: Meaty: Essays by Samantha Irby

Carrie: Swing Time by Zadie Smith

Heather: Lilith’s Brood: The Complete Xenogenesis Trilogy by Octavia Butler

Tiara: Tricks of the Mind by Derren Brown

Alexis: Subject TO Change: Trans Poetry & Conversation edited by H. Melt

Valerie Anne: Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

Carolyn: Sodom Road Exit by Amber Dawn

Laneia: Dining In by Alison Roman and The Female Persuasion by Meg Wolitzer

Riese: Tangerine: A Novel, by Christine Mangan

Sarah: Transformations, by Anne Sexton

Alaina: Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, by Anne Lamott

Yvonne: Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado

Rachel: Private Demons: The Life of Shirley Jackson, by Judy Oppenheimer

SLACKERS

The most important development in Slack since our last Insider is that we finally got a Carol Aird Tinkerbell Junior Bernard emoji.

April 2018 Retro-Reading

Hello! I’ve decided to change how I do this section — instead of it being things from this same month, but in a different year, it’s going to be posts from the archives that came to mind this month for other reasons!

via Autostraddle Isn’t Working in Google Chrome and It Won’t Be Fixed ‘Til Sunday I AM REALLY SORRY

What Did You Do Without Autostraddle? (March 2011) – Last week, an actual physical issue with a physical piece of equipment in Texas caused our website to be down for like five hours! It was a special time for all of us, and reminded me of back in the day when our website would break all the damn time. This post a roundtable about things we did when the website broke that also links to posts about other times the website broke!

Top 5 Queerest Things About Janelle Monae’s “The Electric Lady”, by Cara (September 2013) – Obviously I’ve been thinking about our extensive back library of pre-2018 Janelle Monae contentfor obvious reasons, this one’s especially good because Cara wrote it.

22 Most Lesbosexiest Music Videos of 2016, by Riese (December 2016) – I’ve been listening to Hayley Kiyoko’s “Expectations” on repeat for an entire month, AMA, or read this post which was when I first discovered that she existed.

Dinah Shore 2010 Liveblog, by the Team (2010) – Whenever Dinah Shore comes around, my mind returns to… previous Dinah Shores. Ones we attended, even!

SHENNYSTRADDLE, the best day of Autostraddle to ever happen

Carmen: I am FREAKING OUT over how much I love the April Fools website!!!
OH MY GOD
And I need someone to freak out with me!
I love the content (YNH + Icons), I really, really do. But also, I can’t believe you re-coded the entire website — is that how you would say that? Like you changed the code for the header and background and the curser and everything– Also OMG THE CURSER! AND IT MAKES THEM KISS WHEN YOU HOVER OVER A LINK!
Who am I supposed to thank for this? @sarahsarwar? @cee? I don’t know, but whoever you are, you put in a lot of work, and I want to make sure you know its appreciated.
(Also: @laneia @riese @heather, because this has your fingerprints all over it)
OMG NOW THERE’S A TEAM PICK TOO!!!
Sarah: Hahaha YES Carmen!! Your joy is bringing me joy! it was Riese’s idea of course and Cee and I changed the site late last night …. also it’s not gonna change back I like it too much
putting down my design director gavel
Carmen: Lol! Only seems fair.
We are ShennyStraddle now.
Carmen: I have now made us 3 new emojis for this occasion:



Credit to @sarahsarwar
Sarah: OMG
also SHENNYSTRADDLE

Carmen: :
Cee: Shennystraddle!
Natalie: :clap: to everyone who had a hand in concocting SHENNYSTRADDLE
A nightmare that I didn’t even know I had.
Laneia: “OMG NOW THERE’S A TEAM PICK TOO!!!” has made my day, thank you Carmen

Riese: YESSSSS!!!!!!
Valerie: I’m a Shenny convert apparantly. Riese’s fic sold me.
Stef: i didn’t think this would be how i quit

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

British Suffragette History: Come for the Democracy, Stay for the Lesbian Drama, by Sally

Many of you actually did read this, but it is such a breathtaking work of historically significant spit chain documentation that I will not be able to sleep at night until I know that ALL of you have. Thank you for your time.

Lena Waithe’s Superstardom Reaches New Heights in “Ready Player One,” by Heather

You’ve read Jacqueline Woodson interviewing Lena for Vanity Fair; you’ve read Kamala Harris blurbing her for TIME’s 100 Most Influential People; and yet you still want more Lena Waithe! I know, same. A good time to go back and read Heather on how Lena was the best part of her box office debut, Ready Player One!

Not Just Murder Victims: A Plea on Trans Day of Visibility, by Abeni

Abeni wrote this incredibly lucid and in-depth exploration of the meaning and context of both violence and visibility for trans people for Trans Day of Visibility, but I wanna encourage you to read and share it today and on all other days!

On this Trans Day of Visibility, how do we acknowledge that black trans women face disproportionate violence at all levels of society, including when compared to other trans people? How do we square the idea that there isn’t necessarily a trans murder epidemic, but there is a trans suicide epidemic? How do we recognize and celebrate the lives of trans people who have passed without sensationalizing their deaths and thus traumatizing those of us who remain? How do we resist “inevitability numbness?”

Trans Day of Visibility Roundtable: Letters to the Trans People Who Shaped Us

Also go ahead and check out the roundtable we put together for TDOV, in which trans writers wrote to a fellow trans person who has been important to them — someone they look up to, someone who has helped them, someone who has changed their life or otherwise made a major impact!

Everything That Didn’t Happen Because Seasons 3-6 of “The L Word” Were 10th Grade Creative Writing Assignments, by Laneia

Hey, did you see that Laneia made something for you?

Carmen ignores Shane and flirts with men; Shane goes to Cherie Jaffe’s beach house. (A+ “You’ve taken this to its logical end and yet I’m shaken to my core and horrified by your sick genius. Absolutely STUNNING scene by the pool.”)
Tina admits to Bette that she’s having feelings about men. (“To revisit the pool scene for a moment — am I to understand that Shane went *back home* to get her strap-on before going to Cherie’s beach house?”)

(If you wanna check out the entire Shenny tag, no one will be mad. It’s fine and also legal.)

Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Just white t-shirts?

This is who I am now OK.

Social Media Spotlight

Our most popular Twitter mention on April was this gem from Jeanna Kadlec.

https://twitter.com/jeannakadlec/status/984805368537772032

And here are all the tweets Twitter recommended us to retweet because of it.

I’m wearing my Autostraddle scissoring tee today and my mom just said she needs to get one of these for my cousin. Who is a hairstylist… I…

— Ashanti 🇧🇸🏳️‍🌈 (@ShanLaShawn) March 31, 2018

#tbt to that time I wore my @autostraddle scissoring shirt to see my wife's grandma and she told me she liked it bc it was about crafting

— Zippers (@ZipZipZips) May 20, 2017

"Is this my scissoring t-shirt or yours?" #lesbianproblems @autostraddle

— Holly Lam (@HollyCLam) May 17, 2017

I went to my feminist group meeting wearing my Autostraddle scissoring sweatshirt and then ate pizza #pizzanotpatriarchy

— Karly (@karlycay) February 8, 2017

Queer lady lifestyle signifiers in this airport gate: 1. San Diego Derby Dolls snapback 2. @autostraddle scissoring tee 3. Eye contact w me

— SPEEGZ (@verifiedspeegz) January 7, 2017

I wore my @autostraddle scissoring t-shirt over vacation…my sister thought it was lewd and my mom had no idea what it meant. #sumsitup

— CWebb (@expertsmartass) December 31, 2016

And now I'm going to browse in the Sally Army shop in my scissoring t-shirt because I'm that kind of immature. Thanks @autostraddle 👍🏻✂️

— Grumpy aka Agent Tired Tortoise (@GrumpyYetAmusin) November 21, 2016

I put on my @autostraddle scissoring sweatshirt before leaving work. Half my team almost died of laughter, the other half was very confused.

— Valerie Anne (@PunkyStarshine) November 7, 2016

Mum: *notices my @autostraddle scissoring tote* "That's a nice bag, where did you get it"
Me: "Um, the Internet"
Mum: "It's very jazzy"

— charlotte 🔥 fever (@charlottellyn) June 5, 2016

Leaving my @autostraddle scissoring tote at the office the weekend of a knitting convention was a major strategic error.

— the lady hermit (@letterboxed) February 13, 2016

And my personal favorite:

like this? pic.twitter.com/uZF5gWvf5u

— 👁️👄👁️ (@lana_delboy) January 4, 2018

Karen and Natalie Go To Wisconsin: A Story in Vignettes

The weekend of April 6th, esteemed A-Camp Program Coordinator & Stage Manager Lauren Klein flew from New York to Milwaukee and met up with esteemed future A-Camp Staff member and former A-Camp Camper Natalie Miller (who lives in Madison) to complete an arduous task: getting all the supplies we’d left in storage after our ninth A-Camp in Wisconsin to Amtrak to ship out to California for A-Camp X. This is the kind of insane and tedious volunteer work that goes into making A-Camp a reality.

Lauren kept us abreast of her progress via Slack throughout the weekend, and below I have pulled excerpts of that conversation. Please note that Lauren’s nickname is “Karen,” as in “Karen from the office brought cupcakes for everybody” or “You should talk to Karen from accounting about that.” Karen has your best interest in mind, okay? Karen’s on top of it.

///

Lauren: Here to report that Karen has landed
Stay tuned for some riveting updates about our storage unit
Kristin: cannot wait
Lauren: Also yr gurl got bumped to first class! Whaaaaa
Kristin: WHAAAAAA
amazing
they must have known what you were in for
Lauren: They knew Karen was here
Marni: KAREN LIVIN’ LARGE
Kristin: also dibs on the old mango
in storage
thanks
Lauren: Gotta say… Wisconsin is like 1000% more depressing when there aren’t like 100 queers to greet you at the airport

///

Marni: also lauren you have full authority to make decisions about what stays and what goes
and if you’re worried you can text n e time
just don’t throw out the merch
Lauren: Ok
Kristin: SAVE ME ONE MANGO
Marni: there will be some weird calls, like do we want these 75-odd old bandanas in various primary colours? do we need these fourteen old tote bags?
these are the decisions you are empowered to make
those goggles for soap-making though were expensive we should keep those
Riese: and yoga mats
and merch
Lauren: Ok sorry. I got overwhelmed. It just wasn’t the van I was expecting and second guessed everything
Kristin: Lauren you’ve got this and I believe in yu
…you

///

Lauren: She has arrived

Lauren: Moment of truth
Riese: praying 4 u
Marni: oh god oh god
p sure i’m the one who left it locked like that
all sideways
those things are hella awkward
Lauren: She’s in

Marni: PRAISE BE
LOOK AT YOU KAREN
Riese: everything nicely organized i see

///

Lauren: Is the lacroix still good or naw?
Is it even worth saving?
Riese: maybe try one
Lauren: Ummm
Riese: and let us know how you feel
in a few hours
nauseous, dizzy, etc
Marni: i think no
how much is in there?
seems silly to use our precious pallet space to ship cases of la croix
also it’s all mango and nobody liked the mango
Lauren: It exploded
Marni: LOL
Lauren: So it’s a hard no

///

Lauren: Something has def rotted in here
Ok I have updates:
Marni: ::braces::
Lauren: I think everything will fit in the truck even without throwing anything away
I just pulled everything out and made piles so I could get a count of how many boxes I need to go buy
Everything for sure needs to be retaped
I’m going to crack everything open and throw out what I can
BUT
Here is the pile of things that are essentially good to go as is:

Lauren: Next pile is boxes that’s are pretty damaged and either need a new box or consolidation
Some of the boxes are like w e a k

Marni: BEAR SUITS
Lauren: And then this massive mound is everything the needs to be put in a box

Lauren: #bininabox
Marni: that is a lot of stuff
Lauren: And these are items that are technically not within the size requirements but me might be able to get by with
Marni: there’s MORE?
Lauren:

///

Lauren: You know what is funny… there are just bins inside the bins inside the bins
Marni: Bins in bins in bins
Like Russian nesting dolls
Lauren: Exactly
Let it be known that I am B L A S T I N G Africa by TOTO on the Bluetooth speaker
Riese: you are the belle of the storage unit
dj bins in bins
Lauren: Bin there done that amiriteeee
Marni: DJ bin box
Lauren: Also it’s snowing

///

Lauren: Guys it’s snowing hard I’m laugh crying
Marni: i’m so sorry
we will find a way to make this up to you
WHY IS IT SNOWING
also HI NATALIE!!
Lauren:

Marni: LO
L
you’re like those theater masks
Lauren: It’s bad lol

///

Kristin: wow everyone
im proud of you
Marni: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS
Lauren: Karen can’t
Perfect day to assemble some boxes
Marni: perfect day to put water resistant bins into cardboard boxes!
Kristin: i can believe it
this is a-camp for goodness sake
what did we THINK would happen
Marni: i didn’t really imagine snow tbh
Lauren: Me neither
Kristin: thats bc you are in california
Marni: we have an atmospheric river happening here right now
fwiw
it’s going to rain for the rest of my life
Lauren: It’s 18 degreees rn hahahhahaha
Riese: y’all are champions
Kristin: lauren seen any pronoun stickers
lololololol
JUST WONDERING
Marni: they’re prolly in a bin
in a box

///

Lauren: I’m only finding one box of clothing merch
Is that right?
Riese: hm
i thought there were more
Lauren: Me too
Marni: oops, guess you didn’t need to go out there!
jk all the way

///

Lauren: Can I toss this
Lol

It’s props and wigs
Riese: yes
unless you want that dildo
is that what that is
Lauren: It’s a deer antler lol
Riese: same dff

///

Riese: thank you so much for doing this it sounds like a complete fresh hell
Kristin: just snow and ice
and uhauls
and a/v cords
JUST KIDDING LUV U KAREN
Lauren: You are welcome
Is the lock ours
Kristin: sure is
congratulations, you got a lock

///

Lauren: Only other thing I have is figuring out if we need more funds to ship
I would be shocked if it was under 1000 lbs honestly
Marni: Hi Karen! Leave the cotton batting
Lauren: Lol ok I’ll take it out tomorrow
Marni: That fucking box of fluff has NEVER BEEN USED AGAIN though saying that now it will be needed for like, sea pillows or something
No it’s fine if you’re gone already! Also totally leave the van
What are they gonna do steal our box of fluff?
Lauren: Take our fluff take it!!!!

///

Lauren: ALSO Put these pics in the acamp year book or whatever


Marni: Oh I’ll be making at least one of these my wallpaper
Lauren: “Karen in the snow looking like she’s having fun but dead inside from cold”

Marni: At least the clouds cleared up!
Lauren: Yeah it was very off an on weather
Marni: So the muted and insulated cold of cloud cover could give way to the bracing chill of a clear winter sky
Lauren: “Whattttt this is Fucking wrong” – karen

///

Marni: I bet Natalie is ruing that day at A-Camp 7.5 during canoeing when she told me she wanted to be more involved
Lauren: She just said “I love this”
So u good
Lol
Marni: This is what it means to A-Camp

///

Lauren: Just got us a $56 return for bringing back boxes to uhaul
Marni: Attakare
Riese: karen
you are a true hero
you and natalie are esteemed beings
really weathering the storm out there
Lauren: it was a lot
i will not deny that

XOXO

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