Letter From Your Editors

Hello Lesbian Style Icons!

Welcome to another month on this planet! In some parts of the planet, it’s really cold. In other parts…. it’s not so cold! Well, either way, here’s how the handle the weather:

FTR the best way for me to stay warm is to wrap myself in the love I feel for all of you. Anyhow.

If you read my post on Queer TV in 2017 you’re aware that things are looking up in that specific department, and we’re so ready for 2018 — we’ve put together an official Autostraddle TV Writers Team to ensure timely and compelling content on the hundreds of new and returning lesbian & bisexual characters that’re gonna flip or flop or flourish in 2018. We’re also putting together a plan for covering the midterm elections to ensure that our side wins everything, thus more notably enabling us to take over the damn world.

In terms of Autostraddle Plus content, I recently unleashed upon you a 2017 By The Numbers A+ Exclusive, we undid the stitches over our hearts and showed you where we got broken, unearthed our family photo albums to remember holidays of yore, and Kristin’s bed got some really impressive action from Jen Richards and also Kristin her very own self.

If right now you’re thinking to yourself “wow Riese, this was not a great Letter from The Editor,” I want you to remember that last month I wrote a REALLY good one and those feelings remain our present #1 feelings and next month could really be another equally impressive post, you truly never know!

Love,

Riese

co-signed by Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

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Top 10 Most Popular Posts From December 2017

These posts were hella popular last month.

1. Black Lesbian Couple and Two Children Found Brutally Murdered in Upstate New York, by Riese
2. Satellite of Love: Queer Horoscopes for December 2017, by Corrina
3. 34 LGBTQ Women Who Came Out LGBTQ, Got Girlfriends or Showed Up in 2017, by Riese
4. Autostraddle’s Favorite and Least Favorite Lesbian, Bisexual, and Trans Women TV Characters of 2017, by The Team (edited by Heather)
5. The Top 10 Queer and Feminist Books of 2017, by Carolyn
6. The 8 Sexiest Non-Sex Film Scenes of 2017, by Kayla
7. Brooklyn Nine-Nine’s Rosa Diaz Comes Out as Bisexual, Stephanie Beatriz Blesses Us Again, by Heather
8. The 15 Gayest Pop Songs of 2017, by Mey
9. The 17 Most Romantic Lesbian and Bisexual TV Moments of 2017, by the team (edited by Heather)
10. 2017’s 18 Best Episodes of Lesbian, Bisexual and Trans TV, by the team (edited by Heather)

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Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Heather: oh man the editorial calendar changed colors in airtable and i thought it was gone and also obviously that i had somehow deleted it!
Laneia: i’m sorry!
the yellow was making me nauseous and i figured i would play god for a second
Rachel: it was exciting! kept me on my toes
Heather: i for real whispered out loud “Laneia.”
Laneia: !
Heather: i like it too! play god all you like Laneia!
and i mean that for murders too

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Riese: i was thinkingggg it might be nice if it was more clear that “my first love was a cowboy” is not about a boy
because it looks like nobody is clicking on it or reading it
Heather: i made some quote graphics for the next round of tweeting that are clear about it being a girl
Riese: ok
but what if we also changed the title and/or excerpt
Yvonne: I Hated Country Music Until I Met Lena
Riese: oh yeah
that sounds much more exciting!
i would click on that
Yvonne: ok! so i should change it then?
i’m sad that everyone thought it was about a cowBOY and not a cowboi
but whatever
i want more people to read it because it’s so good!
Riese: yes change it
well it does say “cowBOY”
that’s a strong indicator
Laneia: cowperson
cow pal
COW PAL IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’LL SAY ALL WEEK i’m done

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Erin: Any request for a movie this month
Laneia: does it have to be bad
actually i don’t know what the consensus is on “the incredibly true adventures of two girls in love” but i thought it was CUTE
Erin: Wait
that’s the movie title?

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Stef: remember when someone said us liking hummus was cultural appropriation
that was the day autostraddle became president
Mey: i don’t like hummus, so i’m not culturally appropriating
Stef: seems problematic to me

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Riese: why is [person] writing for [editor at publication] but won’t write for us!
Rachel: jesus fucking christ
Heather: i’m sure [place] offered her a lot of money
Laneia: i’m going to slowly put my head behind a tire
and just lie down there
for the rest of my life
which won’t be long

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Stef: Hi I know I’m the only single person many of you have ever met please don’t make me do this: Lesly, the New Grindr for Lesbian and Bisexual Women
Valerie: oh jeez
Alaina: lesly
lol
i hate everything
Stef: not that HER were even like, the first, but imagine being [the founder of HER] reading this today
“and i got to thinking, wow, why isn’t there one of these for women?!?!”
Molly: “girls”
Stef: if it’s anything like HER, there’s four people on it
Molly: i tried HER last night and it was overwhelming
Riese: do they know that
tinder is already grindr for queer women
Molly: i have to set my zip code to calgary or spokane to get anything
on HER
i’m going to end up with a canadian i just know it
Stef: that wouldn’t be terrible, i like canadians
my most polite ex boyfriend was a canadian
Molly: i’m half canadian
i’ve been expecting this for a while now
Stef: you are half very polite
Molly: the best dating app i’ve found so far is asking my friend who is a pilates instructor in the nearby resort town to keep an eye out for some mommi material for me

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Laneia: i’ll tell you what, arpaio running for senate is just too fucking much for a tuesday
Rachel: oh
Laneia: maybe even for a wednesday
Yvonne: oh fuck, really
Rachel: really a long and winding road with this guy
Laneia: so crazy that he can still breathe and walk
Yvonne: remember when he was going to jail?
but then he got pardoned
Rachel: do you think telling joe arpaio I hope he dies will get me suspended from twitter
Laneia: i really don’t
Heather: only one way to find out
Rachel: will report back

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Laneia: sarah what if you made a graphic that’s like those ‘while you were out’ notepads and it’s like “what this is” and the check box options are :
-internalized homophobia
-not a big deal
-your decision to make
and then there’s a box at the bottom “Recommend therapy” and a yes and no checkbox
and then i can use it to answer YNHs as necessary
oh and “Just fuck!” yes/no
i think this is a great idea i’ve had at 2pm on a friday
Heather: laneia what if also you make a music video set to lady gaga’s just dance but it’s “just fuck, it’ll be okay, dada doot doot, just fuck, calm down and do it babe, dada doot doot.”
maybe a project for next shakedown
Laneia: i could do this
it will benefit so many people !

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Molly: also, can we call femme memoirs femoirs thank you for your time
femmoirs
Mey: Yes
Stef:: FEMOIRS you are fired
Molly: no one is mad except you. and me a little.

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Natalie: Watched the second episode of “The Chi” this morning over breakfast and was disappointed (again) by the lack of queerness…aside from this blink and you missed it moment during a house party…

Kayla: OMG I LITERALLY BLINKED AND MISSED IT
Riese: i did not blink or miss that moment in the chi
just ftr
in fact
i screamed GIRLS KISSING
Kayla: i was making chai and missed it entirely so now i must go back
Natalie: I probably would’ve missed it, if not for the pocket chain.
Carmen: I can’t believe I missed this significant moment in television history

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Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Neesha, Staff Writer

Twitter: @womanistbae
Podcast Instagram: @highfemmepodcast

If you won the lottery tomorrow, how would you spend the money?

I would give most of it to Queer The Land, a trans, non-binary, and queer people of color collective that I’m a part of. For more than a year, we’ve fundraised towards a down payment to purchase property in the Seattle area. We plan to operate this space as an intergenerational LGBTQ people of color-led community hub that includes cooperative housing for queer and trans people of color organizers, artists, and healers.

I would give money to my mother Connie Sue for raising me and my siblings by herself and to my nieces and nephews so they have a safety net in this unpredictable world. I would fix my grandma’s trailer in rural North Carolina and buy a custom-made tiny house for my family (currently me, my wife, and our cat, Seven), as well as a huge charming home in the South that would eventually serve as intentional cohousing or a bed and breakfast.

Finally, I’d save some money like a responsible queer; invest in QTPOC cooperatives and community-based organizations; and spend the rest on traveling with friends and family to the cities of Johannesburg, Nairobi, Kigali, Amsterdam, Toronto, and Paris, amongst other locales.

If you could invite four famous people (dead or alive) to dinner, who would you choose and why?

Claudia Jones, a Black journalist and activist who was deported from the US in 1955 because of her socialist politics. She thrived even after being deported to the UK, where she founded a newspaper and an annual carnival in Brixton that’s still celebrated today. I want to learn from her what it takes to sacrifice so much for your convictions.

Ella Baker, a community organizer who acted as an accomplice to Black student activists during the Civil Rights Movement. She organized without indulging her ego, which I think is sorely lacking in today’s movements. I want to be a student of her infinite grassroots organizing wisdom.

Oprah because she treats her friends so well. She makes so much space for non-romantic intimate relationships in her life, which I admire. I want to be her friend and soak up some of her confidence by osmosis.

Pauli Murray, a Southern Black queer lawyer and the first ever Black woman Episcopalian priest whose legal writings greatly informed the work of both Thurgood Marshall and Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Murray helped found many early feminist organizations, but rarely gets the credit she deserves. I want to know how Murray persevered while having her humanity denied at every turn.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.

Can I mention an absurd date that could’ve easily gone bad? It was at a random show in a basement bar, and for some reason, I was out with not one, but two of my crushes. One was a considerably older white cishet male MMA fighter with dreadlocks who sold weed, and the other was a Black queer pothead boi who was already courting a few of my friends.

I believe the band that night was comprised of cheesy-looking bros. To top things off, the dreadlock dude’s former live-in ex was at the same show giving us the stink eye all night long. At the time, I thought of the night as a smashing success—I ended up having sorta kinda relationships with both of them. I can’t vouch for many of the things I did in my early 20s, and this just might be one of them. LOL.

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?

As a baby gay, I was slightly obsessed with Zoë Kravitz, but I think I really just wanted to be her. I thought her style was everything, and I envied her lineage. I also remember thinking that Camille Guaty, a Latinx actress who played Daisy on the Disney Channel movie Gotta Kick It Up!, was super attractive.

Do you have a hidden talent?

Tap! Growing up, I took tap for 10 years, and I even won a tap scholarship when I was 12. I hope to sign up for adult tap classes in the near future!

What’s something you’ve been really proud of lately?

I’m approaching the end of a seven-month-long fellowship writing about policy for an intersectional feminist online magazine. I was initially rejected from the position, so getting it on my second try was extremely affirming. During my fellowship, I wrote seven stories about how the US healthcare system works and seven stories about QTPOC reproductive justice. My most recent story examines the impact of the #MeToo movement on sex workers, especially those who are trans, non-binary, and/or queer Black women. It’s one of my most popular stories to date, having already been shared on social media nearly 2,000 times. :)

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Jughead Is a Lesbian Style Icon: The Most Controversial Thing We Have Ever Said

Often we publish a thing gritting our teeth, worried how people might take it the wrong way… but we had no such grit in our hearts or molars when the Jughead Style Thief was published. It seemed like a light nice thing on an otherwise dreary day. Readers had requested its construction. We knew Riverdale fandom is… um… passionate… but so many people flipping out at us over this post on twitter (so many that it was written up in Seventeen magazine!) was not a thing we could have anticipated!

Here are some of the many conversations we had about this event.

Davidson: starting a prayer circle for the fifteen year old currently explaining what a lesbian is to the autostraddle twitter account :pray:
Riese: this is my favorite human right now:

Lesbians literally all the time: this clock is gay, that pair of pants is gay,my car is a wlw

Autostraddle: lol jughead is a lesbian

Lesbians: HOMOPHOBICCCCCCC https://t.co/UlcrCZ06Sj

— Hope Alexandria (@gstringkila) January 4, 2018

Mey: Jajajajaja
Can we do a gallery of lesbians dressed like Jughead like that ken doll one, bc it would have thousands of ppl in it
Or we could just do riverdale Characters if the Jughead one would be femmephobic
(It’s not femmephobic)
Dufrau: how do they all decide what to be mad about on a given day? is it like on wednesdays we wear pink?
Valerie: i’m selfishly glad it’s not my fault a fandom is mad for once
and yes dufrau i think there’s a spinning wheel that determines it
Dufrau: according to one of them we are The Riverdale Fandom
which is not entirely wrong
Mey: On staff alone we have like ten ppl who dress like Jughead
Vanessa: I AM A FEMME WHO DRESSES LIKE JUGGIE
COME AT ME
(Not you Mey, or anyone on staff, duh, I’m just aggressively yelling at dum dums on twitter to come at me bc why are they so dumb)
Stef: everybody come at vanessa
Cameron: Sorry I went to go see if my SECOND JUGHEAD HAT was here, who do i need to yell at specifically
Carly: i wore a beanie and a leather jacket yesterday does that count
Cameron: yes. jughead is queer culture
Mey: Jajaha vanessa no I know I was abt to come and comment, I bet most of us femmes have Jughead outfits in our closets
Siobhan: I haven’t worn it for a while because my arms are too big but I have a full on jughead outfit
Carly: i will add jughead to my thread definitely
Siobhan: OK can someone explain to these twitter people that autostraddle is mostly made up of lesbians?
so like “what lesbians ever thought this” your answer is right there, the ones on autostraddle
Cameron: have you ever tried to explain a gem to a rock
Siobhan: do you think that maybe… they’re unaware?
like instead of being run by queer women they think autostraddle is actually run by six squirrels in a trench coat?
Riese: it does feel like that sometimes

Another A+ response to the people freaking out:

Guys seriously. He's got lesbo style. This isn't the death of Dana Fairbanks you don't gotta take it so hard.

— meg fenway (@megfenway) January 4, 2018

Stef: thank you meg fenway, rip
Carmen: Count me as another femme with a jughead closet- flannel and slouchy knit beanies are my daily winter wardrobe
Cameron: i’m trying to work out… how this is supposed to be homophobic? per multiple comments.
Riese: bc jughead is a man
Siobhan: because jughead is a man and calling men lesbians is homophobic
and irony isn’t a thing
and everything that’s ever happened is entirely literal
Vanessa: What a day.
Cameron: ugh irony is queer culture.
Siobhan: that’s homophobic Cameron
Cameron: first i’m heterophobic, then i’m homophobic what a time to be alive.
Siobhan: being heterophobic is homophobic gawd
(OK no I’ve gone far enough I no longer know what anything means)
Cameron: nothing means anything and everything is mean
Mey: Wait, we’re not even being ironic? We’re just taking something from straight culture and making it our own
Siobhan: irony is probably the wrong word, I just mean that we’re not literally saying this male character is a lesbian
when we say x is a lesbian we mean they have shit in common with lesbians and or are goals but I don’t know what the word for the thing I’m describing is
(I’ve had half a bottle of wine because I had dinner with my parents sorry)
tongue in cheek!
I think that’s what I mean
Mey: Lacroix isn’t an actual lesbian either. Neither is flannel neither are undercuts
Siobhan: don’t talk about my fizzy wife that way!
(actually I have never had lacroix, I’m pretty sure you can’t by it in Scotland)
Riese: erin did a thing about leonardo dicaprio fashion
hansen did a joseph gordon-levitt style thief
i hope nobody tells these kids about that justin bieber tumblr…
Cameron: Ken is a lesbian & people seemed overwhelmingly ok with that
Riese: actually vanessa got a lot of hate mail about lesbian ken
but yeah generally people were very much okay with it
95% of people
Cameron: 95% is pretty good.
Siobhan: but seriously, no one is saying Jughead is a literal lesbian
…I kind of want to pitch a Han Solo dashing butch style thief now
ooooh can I do an article on ten love interests who would be 100% times better if they were a lesbian?
because seriously, Hanna Solo, dashing space pirate
Cameron: not to like bring it back to this but to do exactly that, Mallory Ortberg liked the Jughead style thief so everyone else is wrong bye
Riese: HA
Siobhan: someone commented on my first article here that they initially thought it was a Mallory Ortberg piece and I was like that’s it, I can die happy now
Molly: last night mallory and i brainstormed what will hopefully be a 40,000-word analysis on bette porter
Siobhan:is this autostaddle fanfic or real life?
I will accept either answer

[….]

Vanessa: WHY ARE THEY SO MAD
like listen
i don’t claim [person]’s shotgun uhaul wedding
but here we are
i don’t claim [website]
and yet
i don’t claim most of the dude bro lesbians in nyc who used to be shitty to me at the bar cause i have long hair
BUT YOU KNOW I AM NOT EVEN THAT MAD ABOUT THEM I HOPE THEY GREW UP AND GOT BETTER
why the fuck can’t i claim jughead like the world is burning let me have this one nice thing
the nice thing is jughead’s face
jesus.
i typed that for all of you so i wouldn’t tweet it :heart:
Sarah: hahaha Vanessa
“I hope they grew up and got better” is the greatest and purest thing
Vanessa: i just like
it’s 2018
can everyone stop coming for FAMILY
Cameron: i have been complaining all day, i am here for other people complaining
Riese: it’s been a great day for the internet
i’d like to throw [person] and all of these teenagers into a hellmouth
to fend for themselves
but instead
i will take 3 ibuprofen
where do these people come from tho
why didn’t they come at us before
Tiara: where did they come from, where did they go, where did they come from, cotton-eyed jo
Riese: exactly
Molly: i want to correct someone but i’m still not entirely sure what they’re all mad at about this article still
Tiara: I’m still puzzled at the one person who’s all “they focused solely on one character so clearly they must come from the fandom”
like ok maybe Molly is part of fandom but have these people never heard of pop culture criticism or something
Cameron: Molly do you mean “delete this” isn’t constructive enough criticism
Vanessa: Cameron i prefer the two people who tweeted gun photos at us
especially the one with like 14 followers who tweeted the boy holding a gun that says “delete or face consequences”
that’s how i like my pop crit ya know
Raquel: wtf internet
Cameron: there were TWO and NEITHER of them bothered to stay on theme?
amateurs.
Vanessa: we’re talking about a fucking murder mystery show
this should not be so hard!!
Cameron: they didn’t even need a gun! the obvious choice would have been a black hood gif.
Stef: or jeez, some maple syrup and a rope
Cameron: there are so many good gifs of cheryl blossom in front of a fire

[…..]

Carly: :rotating_light:

I thought I was doing 90s Leo

But I’ve been sick for a week & started watching Riverdale AND ITS SPROUSE ALL THE WAY pic.twitter.com/EjeF5TfuXl

— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) January 5, 2018

:rotating_light: :rotating_light: :rotating_light:

Sarah: L M F A O yep
Carly: RELEVANTTTTT
CONTENTTTTT
FORRRRR
TODAYYYYYYY
SPECIFICALLYYYYYY
Sarah: wow. like, ortberg and esposito
both are on board with jughead as a lesbian
Carly: that’s a law firm i’d want to represent ME
ortberg and esposito, attorneys at law
Sarah: ugh it would be too perfect i’d want to be in trouble all the time
Cameron: i’d watch that law firm buddy comedy
Carly: this fall on USA
Cameron: it’s just too bad that the name Suits is already taken
Carly: Flannels ?
i regret writing that immediately
Cameron: go to your room
Carly: that’s fair. bye.
Cameron: they could call it Pomade or Gel probably but it doesn’t roll off the tongue
Carly: too bad Rizzoli and Isles is already taken
i will show myself out
Cameron: i just finished that & i regret every hour wasted
Carly: i just found my cache of every episode of Women’s Murder Club (R.I.P.) on an old hard drive, so i have the utmost respect for you Cameron
Cameron: thank you for understanding me and godspeed to you
Carly: this conversation is queer culture
Cameron: truly it is

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What We’ve Been Reading

Natalie: The Power by Naomi Alderman

Vanessa: What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton

Sarah: We Are Okay by Nina LaCour

Carolyn: Abandon Me by Melissa Febos

Casey: Wrong to Need You by Alisha Rai, How To Fall In Love With Anyone: A Memoir in Essays by Mandy Len Catron, and All Violet by Rani Rivera

Tiara: The Amateur Magician’s Handbook by Henry

Heather: The Bear and the Nightingale by Katherine Arden

Audrey: The Book of the Unnamed Midwife by Meg Elison

Erin: The Ultimate Frontier by Richard George Kieninger

Alaina: When They Call You a Terrorist: A Black Lives Matter Memoir by Patrisee Khan-Cullors and asha bandele, Black on Both Sides: A Racial History of Trans Identity by C. Riley Snorton

Riese: Girl Walking Backwards, by Bett Williams

Alexis: Invaders: 22 Tales From the Outer Limits of Literature edited by Jacob Weisman, The Rap Year Book: The Most Important Rap Song From Every Year Since 1979, Discussed, Debated, and Deconstructed by Shea Serrano

Carrie: When Women Win: EMILY’s List and the Rise of Women in American Politics by Ellen R. Malcolm

Valerie: Written in Red by Anne Bishop

Raquel: Her Body and Other Parties: Stories by Carmen Maria Machado

Lucy: Dress Codes For Small Towns by Courtney Stevens

Stef: Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House by Michael Wolff

A.E. Osworth: We Are Never Meeting In Real Life by Samantha Irby

Yvonne Marquez: Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Live from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed

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SLACKERS

I don’t know if you know but Slack went down for several hours the other day, right as Rachel was in the middle of a really good rant, if you want to know the truth. Some of us were very affected by losing connection to our Autostraddle team; some of us were asleep. Here’s how our writers responded when we asked them what they got up to during the outage.

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January Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Januarys Riese thinks you might enjoy.

Listling Without Commentary: Conversations I Had While Watching the L Word for the First Time, by Carmen Rios (2014) – I love all the posts we did for L Word week (in honor of the 10-year anniversary of L Word’s 2004 debut) — this one still makes me laugh on every re-read.

How I Came Out to My Evangelical Christian Parents And You Can, Too, by Jana Fisher (2011) – Just in case you’re looking for something fun to do in January if you’ve already made all the soups you want to make.

How to Drink: Whiskey, by Laneia (2012) – Um, this post has 901 comments. Nine hundred and one comments!

Everything Hurts All The Time, by Riese (2014), Hi this is a thing I wrote about having fibromyalgia and generally having a thing that doctors can’t figure out, which is always a fun ride for us all.

We Went to the Moon; Why Can’t We Make A Baby from Two Eggs Yet?, by Cara (2015) COME ON, WORLD. WE’RE READY.

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Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

BONUS: If being lightly chided by me for missing something on Autostraddle dot com is something you’re into, first of all maybe you should consider working here, and second of all here are 28 things from last year I feel like you should really make sure you didn’t miss! xoxo!

Cameron Esposito and Rhea Butcher are Building a New World: The Autostraddle Interview, by Heather

Y’all love these two! I know you do. I know you’ve reshared that video about the noodles. YOU KNOW THE ONE I MEAN. You are going to squeal reading this interview. Let yourself have this.

Rhea: I’m going to run for president.

Cameron: You haven’t told me this. I kind of wanted to be president. This is so stressful. We’re going to have to co-headline the presidency.

3 Ways To Actually Improve Electoral Process Integrity (With Science!), by Laura

I’m always so grateful for Laura’s brain and her clear, calming way of explaining things! There are so many aspects of this confusing, scary time on Earth that seem impossible to understand, problems that seem impossible to solve and too big to even think about; it’s such a blessing when Laura can pluck out one of these things and explain them to me in a way that makes me feel like even the scary things fit within a scope I can understand, and there might be a way forward.

“Grown-ish” Is Here, Queer and Even Better Than We Hoped, by Natalie

I feel like we’re all going to be talking about Grown-ish and Yara Shahidi a lot and for good reason as time marches on! And when we do, you’re going to be so happy you already read Natalie’s immensely thoughtful writing on the pilot, which accomplishes being both generous and incisive in its criticism.

I Hated Country Music Until I Met Lena, by Cassie Pruyn

When we first received this in our submission manager the note I left for the other editors was “HELLO I would like to publish this on Autostraddle dot com!!!” I’m so glad we did; it’s going to take your heart apart and put it back together again.

“The Alternative Is Awful”: Sexual Justice Pioneer Carol Queen on Why Sexual Justice Needs to Evolve, by Tiara

Carol Queen and her work have been SO important, and I was blown away by how much I felt like I took away from this interview. It’s so smart! She’s so smart! Upgrade your life and your brain! Read it!

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Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Indoor Hyacinth

The majority of you are trapped in a cold barren cave-like wasteland of WINTER, and I’m sorry about that. I am never in winter, for I live in the desert southwest, where Canadians flock en masse to drive incredibly slowly, shop at Trader Joe’s, and enjoy the sunshine. If you wanted to escape your winter, you could do like the Canadians and come visit me, or! You could follow my advice and pick up an indoor hyacinth to brighten up your room and remind you that yes, there are seasons besides winter, and they’re coming! Having a blooming hyacinth around will make it smell like spring itself has crashed into your home like the Kool-Aid man, covered in warm dirt and rain and green leaves and the promise of warmer days. When Megan brought this one to me I said WHOA NOW, THAT LOOKS COMPLICATED but guess what, it wasn’t! You just have to keep it watered, turn it a little every day so it stands up straight (I had minimal success with this, but who cares), and make sure it’s got some sun from a window. Do yourself a favor and put a hyacinth in your life.

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Social Media Spotlight

I asked all of our writers to tell me their #1 must-follow on Twitter in 2018 and defend their choice with ONE SINGLE TWEET. Here’s what they said:

Molly Priddy

who care how i got stuck inside a popcorm machine maybe because i wanted to get salted and buttered who know the important is how i get out

— birdsrightsactivist (@ProBirdRights) August 28, 2017

Dufrau

princess peony has taken to being an "urn cat" loves the cold marble pic.twitter.com/ZpXCuc10Xl

— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) March 11, 2013

Alaina

Make sure In relationships or friendships that there is BALANCE! It can't be 40/100👎🏾one person can't go out their way while the other do it SOMETIMES!🙅🏾(HOLD EACH OTHER DOWN) if you NOT getting that then u NEED TO STEP👟keep those who VALUE u the same as u do them🙌🏾💯

— Missy Elliott (@MissyElliott) November 18, 2017

Mey

https://twitter.com/maddigzlz/status/940781878608457728

Vanessa

https://twitter.com/rgay/status/951279700214669312

Valerie

in 2011, i made this TUMBLR GRAPHIC of me and OLIVIA WILDE feat. REGINA SPEKTOR lyrics and also THOUGHT I WAS STRAIGHT pic.twitter.com/RhzmuA9lRT

— kayla kumari upadhyaya (@KaylaKumari) January 12, 2018

Heather

https://twitter.com/grrreen/status/950518591333449728

Cameron

SOME CALL IT INTIMACY ISSUES

OTHERS CALL IT EMOTIONAL CAMOUFLAGE

EITHER WAY I AM NOT COMING OUT FROM BEHIND THIS BUSH PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE

— NOT A WOLF (@SICKOFWOLVES) December 11, 2017

Alexis

I do not have the confidence of a bird, but I like to sing.

— A bear (@A_single_bear) November 26, 2017

Carmen Phillips

Goodnight everyone, except the men in power lying awake wondering if they’re going to be next. I hope they never have a decent night of sleep for the rest of their lives.

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) November 30, 2017

Reneice

One time I had the humidifier and space heater so simultaneously popping, it set off the fire alarm. That's the kinda luxury I have to offer. An atmosphere so decadent, machines think you bout to die.

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) January 9, 2018

Natalie

Donald Trump is a white supremacist who has largely surrounded himself w/ other white supremacists.

— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 11, 2017

Carolyn

Starting a line of earl grey called Toxic Masculini-tea and it helps you deal with insecurities instead of trying to control your partner

— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) May 25, 2017

Tiara

https://twitter.com/nataliereed84/status/950601181990076416

Kayla

me, thinking: you should sleep, or, if you must tarry, dust off your manuscr–

also me: *re-reads fave fanfic until 2am drift-off*

— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) August 25, 2017

Riese

i refusE to cut the ribbon–NObama london peanuts administration sundowning harry potter NO

— Ashley Feinberg (@ashleyfeinberg) January 12, 2018

Archie

https://twitter.com/pogform/status/947636550833238016

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Love Is Love

Sarah and Riese lived together for three weeks from the end of December to the start of January and wow things got pretty wild!!!!

Sarah: guys i have wanted to tell you this for a really long time
Riese: here we go
Sarah: and i just got the courage to tell you that
i am here today because i am a poly bengali just call me svengali
i’m a little bit naughty and a lot of bit salty
Laneia: oh wow
Riese: yep
big day for sarah
Laneia: i did not see this coming
Riese: who did, really
Laneia: are we all dead?
i’ll text my mom
Riese: please do
thanks for your support everybody
Sarah: thanks guys i feel seen in this safe space
the intersectionality of my identities have always been a muddle of dark matter and now they have begun to weave a more intricate, colorful pattern, working as a patchwork of loving, supportive, truth filled fiberoptics that glisten with promise and joy.
Laneia: oh so we’re in the bad place
Sarah: Riese told me that if i don’t do work she will stab me
so if you guys hear about a poly bengali being found in a trash can stabbed in the heart you know who did it
Riese: i did NOT tell her i would stab her
i was just holding a knife when i suggested that maybe she’s coming out as “a little bit naughty and a lot bit salty” as a way to avoid doing her work today
it was a coincidence
Laneia: could happen to anyone

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XOXO

Team Autostraddle