Letter From Your Editors

Hello Mint Chocolate Chips!

If it’s summer where you are, I hope you are staying cool for the summer. Here are some tips from us regarding being cool for the summer:

1st row: Audrey, Aisha, Laura, Alaina, Heather
2nd row: Erin, Stef, Nikki, Maree, Yvonne
3rd row: Carmen, Raquel, Mey, KaeLyn, Riese
4th row: Sarah, Kayla, Maddie, Laneia, Rachel

Friends, journeymen, countryladies, squirrels, creatures of the forest — these are dark and/or hopeful times in the world, and around here it feels like we’re going through a third adolescence. Or, at least, that’s what Laneia told me the other day and it made me feel better about whatever I was feeling bad about that day, because after adolescence comes your early 20s, which is a peak time. I feel like our Peak is right around the corner, but hopefully that Peak will lead to further, higher peaks. So basically what we’re gearing up for is intense mountain climbing.

First we have to confront fears and issues and fix them, and we definitely need a raise in our allowance — SO on that note, thanks to all of you who recently joined A+ or renewed your memberships during our big birthday week!  Our main focus right now is that we need more writing by and for QTPOC, and for our QTPOC writers to feel like their work is connecting with QTPOC readers. I’m really proud of how we’ve evolved over the years but there’s always more work to be done, and yesterday we started putting together a plan to DO IT in a pretty major way.

We’re also stoked about some new voices / familiar-voices-in-new-positions — did we tell you yet that Intern Cecelia is now Staff Writer Cecelia? WELL SHE IS, and if her Astrological Fashion column post that debuted today isn’t the bee’s knees then you are hanging out with the wrong bees. Carrie Wade‘s columns about disability have been so kick-ass that we decided to bring her onto the Regular Writing Squad as well. Plus we’ve added TWO new cartoonists, Kate and Dickens.

We hope you have enjoyed this month’s Autostraddle Plus content, which has included: The A+ Bee #40: Over the Hive, What’s In Your Bag? and an epic podcast recorded LIVE AND IN PERSON!

Oh yeah and… there is going to be a very exciting announcement related to A-Camp next week, soda pops. :-) Look out for it!

Love,

Riese / Laneia / Rachel / Yvonne / Heather

Top 10 Most Popular Posts From June 2016

These posts were hella popular last month.

Sometimes putting together the “10 Most Popular Posts” is a delightful exercise — a joyful look back at a month of great content. This month is a little bit of that, but it’s also a lot of sadness, too!

1. Black Trans Woman Goddess Diamond Is The 14th Trans Person Murdered in the U.S. This Year, by Heather Hogan
2. Mara Wilson is Queer: Actress Felt Moved To Say She’s One Of Us, by Audrey White
3. “Orange Is The New Black” Broke Everybody’s Heart To Teach Idiots A Lesson, by Riese Bernard and Heather Hogan
4. Every Jane Austen Novel Rewritten to Be About Lesbians, by Rachel Kincaid
5. Shooting at Orlando Gay Nightclub Leaves 50 Dead, by Yvonne Marquez
6. Evan Rachel Wood Has Some Bisexual Feelings For Pride Month, by Stef
7. View From The Top: Daddy, by Sinclair Sexmith
8. I Watched Lesbian Classic ‘Better Than Chocolate’ for the First Time and Now I’m a Broken Person, by Erin Sullivan
9. Moments Like These (Where People Are Repulsed By My Existence), by Erin Sullivan
10. These Are The Seven Women Who Were Killed In Orlando, by Riese Bernard

Basically just feeling like the world needs to see this hot photo of Cecelia & Nurse Viv at A-Camp Fall 2016 sooner rather than later

Nine Important Excerpts From Editorial Conversations

Mey: Boar Emerges From The Sea, Unleashes Fury Upon Beachgoers
Remember back before we had the unrelated links channel and I would’ve put that in the regular links channel?
Audrey: This actually would probably fit best in the ocean channel but I guess that’s neither here nor there.
Mey: I’M NOT IN THE OCEAN CHANNEL AUDREY
Audrey: Oh! Fancy that :wink:
Maddie: Yeah Mey, this is inappropriate for unrelated links
Mey: I’LL NEVER JOIN THE OCEAN CHANNEL AND YOU CANT MAKE ME
Stef: I wish we were in the ocean channel
I’m in the ocean as I type this
Mey: Stef no
Cee: I was also at the ocean today Stef
Stef: Aw it’s like we were hanging out, just you and me and our giant swimming Mammal friends who shall remain nameless
Happy to talk about it in #the-ocean
Mey: GET OFF MY LAWN

Heather: Holllly shit. Donald Trump just asked Russia to hack Hillary Clinton and release her emails.
Riese: Is he gonna let us see his tax returns or what
Heather: Is he gonna just burn this country down?
man remember when Mitt Romney didn’t get elected because he had an elevator in his house
Rachel: A listling without commentary of things that have tanked other politicians’ campaigns
1. Yelling a weird noise
2. Elevator in house
3. Putting a dog on the roof of your car
Laneia: Oooooh this could be really good if you went way back for a few of them
Heather: Nixon sweating next to a handsome man
is good for that list
Laneia: Bless his heart
Heather: Wearing an army helmet
Misspelling potato
Rachel: Stephen A Douglas: not as flashy a debater as a failed store clerk
Heather: Yes!
claiming to be able to see Russia from your house
not reading magazines
Rachel: It’s tough with some people bc some people were never going to really go anywhere from the start? Or it’s hard to say
Like did John Edwards’ affair tank him? Or did being John Edwards tank him
Riese: The mystery is all

Audrey: Today in the bisexual celebrities beat, I have fucking died

.@evilhag Um hi 🤓 https://t.co/hmz3m81W8D

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) July 8, 2016

Maddie: STOP
Laneia: y’all
Stef: WHAT
Ali: I’d die y’all
Audrey: What if they date
What if they get married. Can I go to their wedding? For journalism?
Laneia: Autostraddle Requesting Press Credentials for Wilson/Plaza Union
Audrey: Speaking of which, @channel I am going to interview Mara for our website and if you have any questions for her please dm them to me this weekend!!
Maddie: YOU ARE???
Audrey: Question 1 is obviously WHEN IS THE WEDDING.
Maddie: WHEN IS SHE MARRYING AUBREY PLAZA
Yes ok good
Laneia: Can their shipper name be Aura

Cecelia: Hmm wondering if it’s professionally necessary to respond to people criticizing the femme piece in the comments or if I can just like, not
Mey: Tell them to go fuck themselves bc no femme ever will
Kayla: Omg

Kaelyn: Should probably not respond to this if my initial reaction is “meh” right?

[EMAIL FROM A CHILDREN’S CLOTHING COMPANY ABOUT HOW THEY’D LIKE TO SEND KAELYN THEIR PRODUCT IN EXCHANGE FOR A REVIEW, I’M NOT PASTING IT HERE ‘CAUSE I DON’T WANNA BE MEAN TO AN INNOCENT PERSON IN A DIRECT WAY]

Also I feel like this person is not LGBTQ in any way, right? Is that the vibe?
Raquel: Can we talk about this logo
Kaelyn: I do kind of like the rainbow onesie actually.
Sarah: LOLLL
Kaelyn: I think she made this logo in MS Paint
Sarah: Yes you should not respond Kaelyn
Too much comic sans. Eyes burned out
Kaelyn: Um did you look at her “products”? $34 for a poorly bedazzled t-shirt
I’m a jerk, huh? Making fun of this poor entrepreneurial white lady?
Alaina: You mean you wouldn’t pay $80 for this?? [LINK]
Kaelyn: I WAS JUST GOING TO POST THAT EXACT “OUTFIT”
Stef: You guys really blew up my baby shower gift for Kaelyn, Jesus you guys
Sarah: YES ME TOO
That outfit is everything
Stef: Remi is gonna look so good
Sarah: I’m pissed I’m not a baby
Kaelyn: I’m going to reply and say I’ll write a review, but only if she sends me the Little Rocker
Stef: I actually just had a baby paint my hallway in a sweatsuit from Target for this exact effect
Sarah: And another for backup in case of spit-up
STEF
Stef: And then I was like ‘you know what, this baby also loves the Grateful Dead’
Kaelyn: I will request an adult size one for you Stef
She does custom orders
Stef: Oh excellent
Make sure to let her know I really feel deeply about rt 66, like most infants
Kaelyn: Well that’s where babies go to get their kicks
Stef: That is my favorite kind of hoodie though, zipup with kangaroo pockets
Kaelyn: I’m going to make sure it has cuffs on the arms and legs for you, Stef. I want you to feel secure and warm when you wear it.
Stef: I like to be swaddled in comic sans

Riese: HEY GUYS GUESS WHAT
WE ARE GONNA HAVE A MEET-UP ON FRIDAY NIGHT OF SHAKEDOWN AT THE AUT BAR
in Ann Arbor
Laneia: THE LEGENDARY AUT BAR ??!
What do I wear what’s the style
Riese: Yes! The legendary Aut Bar
Sarah: Do you want to blend in with the locals Laneia?
Because then you need like a hemp necklace and a skirt made out of an old canvas flour bag or something
Otherwise probably just wear your normal you clothes because those are phenomenal
Laneia: Ok in that case I feel like my normal me clothes might not be too super far off from the locals, so I’m pretty psyched.
I’ve probably never been so prepared for a meetup

Stef: Lindsay Lohan is still pregnant with a demon baby
Erin and I are working on the treatment for this lifetime movie
Mey: Who’s gonna play lindsay????
maybe Sophie Turner?
She’s probably way too famous
Stef: She can play young Lindsay
I can’t wait til our lifetime movie gets to the part where she’s in Liz and Dick, it will be so meta
It’s an interesting trajectory though
Lindsay Lohan, promising child star
Makes some pretty solid movies, early on, is primed for success
Then suddenly, booze, drugs, Samantha Ronson, tabloids, herbie
Makes a deal with the devil
Who is like, a Russian businessman
And that’s how we end up with her doing absolutely no actual work but just hangin On a yacht with Egor
Mey: sounds accurate to me
Stef: I’m a little high
but I am pretty sure this is how it works

Heather: Guys! Guys! Ruby Tandoh said yes to an Autostraddle interview!
Ruby from Great British Bake-Off!
RUBY
Laneia: Omg this day is out of control
Rachel: aaaaAAAAaaaaaAAAAAAaaAAAaaaaaaa
Heather: Man I’m going to ask her to skype so I can see her do her faces
Rachel: What is going ON
Heather: Her new book came out this week and I have been emailing everyone at Penguin UK nonstop and FINALLY today she has said yes!
How intimidating. She is such an exemplary misandrist.
Laneia: Will she send us signed copies of her book
Heather: Gosh I hope so
Laneia: I need this book
Heather: She said it’s a manifesto!
A recipe book about eating what you want + loving food (+ 1D) + the joy of cooking
Laneia: and Mystic Pizza!
Heather: YES
She did the recipe for that spaghetti Adele keeps eating in Blue is the Warmest Color
Laneia: It’s written for us. it’s literally written for us. Is this what straight white women feel like when they look at the NYT bestseller list
Heather: I think so
It must be
Laneia: I feel so entitled right now
Heather: Hahaha!
Laneia: Get out of my face Ruby Tandoh wrote a book for me

Meet A New Contributor!

Get to know some of our newest faces.

Dickens, Cartoonist

Tumblr: deathtodickens.com
Twitter: @deathtodickens

Who was your first woman celebrity crush?
Gillian Anderson. I mean, there were women before her that I had funny feelings about but Gillian Anderson was my first big time “yes, this is actually happening and I am okay with that, time to write some fan fiction” celebrity crush. I was 12, newly introduced to The X-Files, eventual shipper of Scully and Reyes, and twenty years later, Gillian Anderson is going to be at the convention I’m attending this September.

Describe the worst date you’ve ever been on.
I don’t date much and the handful I’ve been on were all right. It’s probably the potential of a Worst Date that keeps me from pursuing dating. Also the potential of me being the catalyst for the Worst Date. Also, I have a four year old.

If you could only use one emoji for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Upside-down smiley face because sometimes people can be so unbelievable, a simple eye roll just won’t do. You gotta roll your entire self across the floor to snuff out the fire that was sparked by the sheer intensity of their unbelievability, then walk away with a smile on your face so you don’t catch fire again. ??????

What is your favorite kind of sandwich?
Steak & bell pepper. There’s a local pizza place in my hometown that makes these and I order one every chance I get. Outside of that, grilled cheese.

What’s your favorite thing on the internet today?
Live-tweeting shows & movies. I probably overindulge but it is my favorite online activity and I’ve met a lot of people, made a lot of friends, and traveled a lot of new places through these interactions with other fans on Twitter. Hope to continue doing so.

In which Alex misses us a lot during our staff retreat

What We’ve Been Reading

Laneia: Pushed: The Painful Truth About Childbirth and Modern Maternity Care by Jennifer Block

Laura: A Fighting Chance by Elizabeth Warren

Alaina: Norton Anthology of Drama, Vol. 1 & 2 by Various playwrights

Stef: Under the Skin by Michael Faber

Mey: Compass South by Hope Larson and Rebecca Mock

Heather: Sum It Up: A Thousand and Ninety-Eight Victories, a Couple of Irrelevant Losses, and a Life in Perspective by Pat Summitt

Carolyn: Sweetbitter by Stephanie Danler

Sinclair: Shirtlifter #3-5 by Steve MacIsaac, and Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch, PhD

Erin: The Symbiotic Universe: Life and Mind in the Cosmos by George Greenstein

Maree: Stoner by John Williams

Carmen: The Best of Dear Coquette: Shady Advice from a Raging Bitch Who Has No Business Answering Any of These Questions by The F*cking Coquette

Yvonne: The Price of Salt by Patricia Highsmith

Riese: Best American Crime Writing edited by Nicholas Pileggi, Otto Penzler and Thomas H. Cook and Shrill: Notes From a Loud Woman by Lindy West

Carrie: Big Girls Don’t Cry: The Election that Changed Everything for American Women by Rebecca Traister

Raquel: Hunger Makes Me A Modern Girl by Carrie Brownstein, and Diffusion of Innovations by Everett M. Rogers

Mey: Begin With Your Name by Tan Jiu

Aisha: Black Deutschland by Darryl Pinkney

Maddie: Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube: Chasing Fear and Finding Home in the Great White North
by Blair Braverman

SLACKERS

Would you like a look at our custom Slack loading messages? Okay! This is what you see when Slack has been closed and you’re reopening it. (For people who actually close Slack. I never close Slack unless I have been forced to reboot.)

July Retro-Reading

Some posts from previous Julys Riese thinks you might enjoy.

via 25 Pictures Of Lesbian Sex According To Stock Photography, our most popular post of all time because the world makes sense

Listling Without Commentary: How You Described Your Sexual Orientation On The AS Reader Survey, by Riese (2012) – You special agronsexuals, you. You magnificent “bossy bottom boned by butch”!

Ode to My Pantry: Poutine, by Kristen Ford (2013) – This is important reading for anybody considering an impending move to Canada for some reason.

Estranged: How I Fell In Love With A Girl And Lost My Family, by Whitney Pow (2012) – Remember that time Whitney Pow broke your heart. Not that time, THIS TIME.

The Lesbian Avengers – Time to Seize the Power & Be the Bomb You Throw!, by Vikki (2009) – Remember when our Den Mom told us the very true story of her times with the Lesbian Avengers in the Twin Cities? That was really cool, I think.

The Sordid Lives of Lesbian Twins, by Lindsay (2011) – “However, before I get into the intricacies of sharing a womb, let’s get one thing straight, er, clear. Lesbian twins, however hot, are NOT INTERESTED IN HAVING A THREESOME WITH YOU. “

SOGGY LAYERS

Cecelia: cool cool cool cool cool cool cool Mey Rude you continue to be my hero and idol & I maybe just shed a tear at 1:30am because of those LAYERS?!??!!!
Mey: Thank you Cecelia for being awake and validating me I love you
Laneia: MEY
HOLY HOLY HOLY
Maddie: Omg Mey you are a fucking hero :crown:
Ali: Omg, Mey. This is amazing.
Ameyzing if you will
Rachel: Holy shit Mey, that’s incredible!
Raquel: ooOoo!
Send me a slice
Mey: Thank you all
Audrey: Mary Berry definitely woke up in a cold sweat last night and didn’t know why.
Kaelyn: MEY. Holy shit. It’s so beautiful.
Stef: Mey, the princesstarta of my heart
Mey: This is the second cake I’ve ever made, the first was a Tres Leches Cake six years ago
Stef: The fuck are we supposed to do for Soggy Bottoms now
How will anyone even come close
Riese: Rename it
Stef: Someone’s gonna have to make that fucking cake with the 20 layers or whatever
Riese: Can we rename it
I feel sad about the name “Soggy Bottoms”
Stef: Someone’s gonna have to bake an actual Paul Hollywood out of fondant
Aw I like the name
Soggy Switches
Mey: Sorry if anyone is dissapointed in me, but my mom did roll out the marzipan after my three failed attempts, but i made it and put it on the cake
Stef: Well that changes everything
This cake is bullshit
Mey: I know
I’m sorry
Honestly though, rolling out the marzipan is the hardest part by far
Stef: I’ll be in the proving drawer
Mey: I’ve literally never used a rolling pin before
I didn’t know how hard it would be
Also, if you want your marzipan to not stick to the mat, the secret is putting sugar, not powdered sugar, on the mat
Stef: The secret is having your mom do it I guess
jk jk
Mey: Really that’s it

Erin: Mey did you film yourself slicin into it the 1st time plz tell me you did
Mey: Omg no that would’ve been brilliant i’m sorry that I’m a baker not a filmmaker
Erin: I’d watch a vine of that for hours
but fair!
Mey: I literally don’t know how to use vine
Maddie: Maybe that’s why my soggy bottom attempts have been so soggy
No Mom
Mey: Also as I’m writing this article I’m realizing I would be a horrible GBBO competitor bc I’m swearing and bragging a whole lot
I’ve never felt more American than i do right now
Maddie: :heart::heart::heart::heart:
So perfect
Mey: Also I am a Ridiculous Person
I seriously thought about becoming a professional baker last night just based on this cake alone
Maddie: Seems reasonable
Mey: Stef, you and I should open a bakery, you can make your blackberry bramble and red wine frosting and I’ll make this cake
Stef: Oh they’re different things, the blackberry bramble was a pie
The cupcakes were vegan chocolate with homemade blackberry jam with red wine frosting, for my ex’s birthday. and we all know how that turned out.
Also that mango cake I made w curry icing when Alice Motes sent me too many mangos is a cult favorite
Your mom has to help out though, my Mom def can’t
Raquel: I only care about self-saucing puds
Kaelyn: I’m terrified of doing a soggy bottoms and now I’m even more intimidated.
Stef: I only care about Sue Perkins saying SELF SAUCING
Kaelyn: But I bet my mom would be awesome at it. She is a master baker.
Stef: When I was a kid my Mom made brownies with me and fully forgot flour
Kaelyn: Can my mom write a Soggy Bottoms?
Riese: I feel sad every time somebody says “Soggy Bottoms”
Stef: She was like ‘I think we forgot something, maybe it’s sugar’ so she added sugar again
They were crunchy.
Mey: Omg I love that
Kaelyn: That’s going to be me! Sorry, Remi. We can’t cook. Hope you like stir fry.
Stef: I think I’ve proved you can do a Soggy Bottoms drunk w all the wrong ingredients and it still mostly works
In the end you’re just making a pile of butter and sugar anyway
Mey: As I say in my thing I’m writing right now “a lot of people say cooking is art and baking is science, but honestly I hate science and treat baking like it’s art too”
Kaelyn: I’m a horrible baker because I don’t like to measure accurately
I just don’t like to be put in a box, you know
Mey: I absolutely don’t measure accurately
Kaelyn: 1 tsp, 1 Tb, what’s the difference?
Level cup? How about a lumpy handful?
Stef: We could always change ‘soggy bottoms’ to ‘a lumpy handful’
Kaelyn: That would be my column name, Companion to Soggy Bottoms
We’d all cook things very poorly only loosely following the recipes
Mey: What if we loosely follow the recipe but cook things very well
Kaelyn: That’s fine. I mean, that’s why I’m good at stir fry
Mey: Like, I know this is bragging, but that’s literally what I do
Kaelyn: Also because I’m Asian
Mey: jajaja
Kaelyn: How do I become you, Mey?
What is the secret to successful lazy baking?
Stef: Mey’s Mom
Mey: A lot of it is honestly being a Sagittarius and a Gryffindor
Kaelyn: Ugh I’m a Capricorn and a Slytherin
Mey: Hey, my Mom is super helpful and usually does a ton of my baking, but this time she literally only rolled out the marzipan
Stef: Unrelated: oh my god Cyanide and Happiness invented a beer called “Cyanide & Hoppiness”
This is up there with Mmmhops and Only Hoppy When It Rains

Cuties at A-Camp Spring 2016

Five Posts Rachel Can’t Believe You Motherf*ckers Didn’t Read Last Month

Taco Tuesday: The Fascinating Origins of Tacos al Pastor, by Yvonne

HEY EVERYONE did you see that we published a new installment of my favorite column? In classic Yvonne’s Taco Tuesday style, it combines personal experience and anecdote with history and great food writing and made me very hungry! Please do yourself the favor of reading it.

7 Movies Kelsey Jannings from Bojack Horseman Probably Directed, by Kayla

I’m thinking that you maybe didn’t read this because you don’t watch Bojack Horseman and/or think you don’t care about a show about a sentient horse actor. I think you should live your best life by letting go of those concerns. “Several years prior, she made a movie about lesbian horses who also identify as witches.”

Revival: Women and the Word Provides a Balm for the Devastation of this Country, by Aisha

If you haven’t figured out this hot tip already, I will let you in on a secret: everything Aisha writes contains itself absolutely and also more than itself; it’s a room that is somehow much bigger on the inside than it looks like it could be from the outside. This is a really excellent review of a movie that you’re gonna want to read about and watch, and it’s also gonna give you something else that you didn’t know you wanted or could get from a movie review but will be glad you have once you do.

11 Wishes for Eleven from Stranger Things, That Sweet Dove of A Child, by Riese

When Riese first wrote this, I had not finished watching Stranger Things, and so I did not read it yet. Now I have, and I have, and I can heartily recommend it to you. I think you will nod energetically in agreement with it.

Michelle Chamuel Is More Than That Queer Girl With Glasses From “The Voice”, an interview by Heather

Have you thought about what it would be like to be the cute girl with glasses that Mary Lambert sings all those really fucking cute songs about? Yeah, so have we all, mostly. WELL now you can read about her music and career and playing for 5,000 people at Lollapalooza and deciding that maybe “making it” means something else. You’ll really like it I think, I did!

All Smiles at A-Camp 2016 !

YOU’RE THE ONE THAT I WANT: A Sneak Preview of Kayla’s Plan To Change Your Life

Kayla: I know that there is an A+ feature for diary excerpts, and I’m gonna be home this weekend and will have access to all of my old journals, diaries, etc, so I was wondering if I could write something along those lines. Honestly, my elementary school journals are wild and basically consist of weird queer fanfiction and fan art??? Like… I drew myself embracing Olivia Newton-John???

Yvonne: Omg this is precious! yesss
Also the blue hearts are :blue_heart:
Kayla: I think Olivia Newton-John is wearing……kneepads???? Maybe they’re patches?
Yvonne: I love the patches route, that’s pretty gay
Laneia: KAYLA
Riese: She’s got the whole world, between her legs
She’s got the whole wide world between her legs
Laneia: “That is, if i could”
BLESS
Riese: “If I may, madam”
Kayla: Yes it’s ultimately a story about consent
Riese: It’s also a story about two women whose deep love is about to take a tragic turn
Due to the fact that they are about to be attacked by a gigantic bird
Kayla: THE BIRD IS SO BIG
Riese: It’s even bigger than your heart
Your big heart beating for Olivia
Had you just seen Grease
Kayla: It’s the first movie I can ever remember watching
I don’t know what my parents were thinking

Riese: omg
Kayla: “RIZO”
Riese: “Ridydell hiscoolt”
her GIANT COAT
Laneia: KAY LA !
You nailed her hair
Kayla: NO NECK. ZERO NECK
Riese: 100% JACKET, 0% NECK
Kayla: I mean 90% of these journal excerpts are going to be Grease-related. There’s one from FIRST GRADE in which I say that I’m changing my name to Olivia Newton-John
Riese: I’m really sad that didn’t work out for you
Kayla: Same
Riese: Did you do a drawing about her pregnancy scare
Kayla: My novelization was so detailed that I got bored and gave up way before getting to the pregnancy scare

Riese: BOMB FIRE
Kayla: (Is there a face in that very large fire?)
Riese: It looks kind of like a penis tbh
Kayla: omg
Riese: I like the floating cheerleader
Kayla: I didn’t even bother to color her in
Riese: I mean you had to save your colors for olivia
Kayla: The gayest part of my version is that Danny and Sandy are merely friends in it
Riese: Oh goodness
Kayla: Also I spell Australia as “Alasterallya” which, like, nice effort tbh

Laneia’s Pick of the Month: Labyrinth Pops

September is an excellent time of year to freshen up your desk or bookcase. It’s true! And it’s never too soon to start planning for this activity. In fact, July is the perfect time to get a head start on your September revitalization. Do you know how you can get that head start? Um probably by pre-ordering these Labyrinth Funko Pops and then setting aside an appropriate space where you can display them. Don’t let anyone put anything in that space after you’ve cleared it for your mini Jareth, Sara (with Worm), Hoggle and Ludo (who happens to be super sized and measuring in at six inches tall, I’ll have you know). If someone is foolish enough to try to put a book or coffee cup in the cleared space, pick it up and throw it clean across the room. “Hey!” they’ll yell. “Your eyes can be so cruel, just as I can be so cruel,” you’ll reply. “What?” they’ll ask. “You have no power over me!” you’ll shout, wild with the resolute truth. “I’m going to rewatch Fixer Upper Season 1. Are you OK?” they’ll press on. “Turn back. Turn back before it’s too late!” you’ll cry as the door shuts and you find yourself alone, once again, in the presence of your own greatness, awaiting your three-and-three-quarters-inches-high vinyl friends and all the promises they bring.

Social Media Spotlight

Remember when Cee wrote a post explaining how if you love a cat enough, you can conquer your allergies? Did you know you can follow them on Instagram as they document such a love? These babes are Tucker and Finley!

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Tucker inside my #autostraddlecamp bag. #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 27, 2016 at 6:43pm PDT

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They like to play fetch. #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 25, 2016 at 12:18pm PDT

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Is this even comfortable? #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 20, 2016 at 11:24pm PDT

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Spooning #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 11, 2016 at 9:41pm PDT

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Adventure! #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 12, 2016 at 3:50pm PDT

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🙌😸🙌

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 6, 2016 at 3:20pm PDT

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Kitten snuggles! Tucker likes to be real close to my face. I don't have the heart to tell him it's bad for my allergies #tuckerandfinley

A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jul 6, 2016 at 11:18am PDT

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A post shared by cee (@ceepdx) on Jun 23, 2016 at 12:43pm PDT

FLASHBACK 2011: WHEN SARAH SARWAR WISHED SHE COULD WORK HERE

Once upon a time my dearest Intern Grace put together a glorious post entitled Real L Word Recap Images Riese Asked Her Intern to Create This Season. It was a list of descriptions I gave her of graphics I wanted her to make for recaps. It was pretty damn funny. Well, Sarah herself found this lovely comment she made on the post:

The takeaway here is that Sarah Sarwar commented on this post and now all of her dreams have come true!!!! Now she really does have the best boss ever (me).

You can tell in this pic that Sarah got her soul back

HEY CARRIE WADE IS A STAFF WRITER NOW LOOK AT HER GO

Laneia: Hi @channel! I have some pretty cool news: Carrie Wade is joining us here in Slack ! Therefore making this Monday at least a trillion times better than it was gonna be. YAY :tada: :taco: :cake: Welcome Carrie!!

[EVERYBODY SAYS HI TO CARRIE]

Stef: I highly encourage you to come hang out with us in #the-ocean
Bren: You guys! One time I stood in line for tacos with Carrie Wade and it was amazing! This is the best news of any Monday ever!
Carrie: i think back to that day (and those tacos) ALL THE TIME. highly recommend bren as company for ANY future line standing.
Bren: :heart:
Heather: One time Carrie Wade punched me in the face. it. was. awesome.
(jk, Carrie Wade never punched anyone)
Carrie: … you don’t know that, Heather
Stef: i’ve been trying to get Carrie to punch me in the face for months so
Mey: Also Carrie, plz don’t join the ocean channel, only troublemakers are in that channel
Carrie: … too late?
Mey: THAT’S IT NO GHOSTBUSTERS ON FRIDAY WE’RE DONE
Stef: Then that’s where she belongs
Mey: STEF GO TO WORK
Carrie: NOOOO :ghost: meyyyyy
Remember all the good times? Remember the dinosaurs? and YOUR HAT?
Mey: I’M DONE WITH ALL OF YOU EXCEPT FOR MY PINK LADIES CECELIA ALAINA CARMEN AND GABY ARE MY ONLY TRUE FRIENDS
Also Heather
You can stay
Carrie: Fine, no “Those Magic Changes” for you
Heather: Thank you Mey, I am watching a bird video right now instead of one about sea monsters because I truly love you
Maddie: :ocean::ocean::ocean:
Heather: I do love that one misandrist shark who ate that dude shark who kept bumping into her
Mey: SAVE IT FOR ALAINA/FRENCHY CARRIE
I live sharks sharks are great
Love
Why do I always type live
Carrie: Whatever, i’m just going to get back to my roots and remind Alaina to stay in school, kids
Heather: I wish a lot more lady animals ate dude animals as a matter of course so I could make a list out of it
Alaina: I feel like i’m in the middle of my parent’s divorce
Mey: DONT YOU DARE TAKE HAZEL’S JOB
Carrie: *strums guitar innocently*
Alaina: STOP FIGHTING I CANT CHOOSE
Mey: ALAINA YOURE A PINK LADY!!!
Carrie: WE ALL LOVE YOU ALAINA (spend christmas at my house this year)
Mey: Alaina think about it, if you spend Christmas at my house, we can go to church
You love church
Carrie: Okay that’s fair
Alaina: I do love church
This is too MUCH
Carrie: But WE can go caroling, just sayinggggg
I have a book of 75 Christmas Carol arrangements that i saved from my days in high school chamber singers
Stef: This is almost as boring as Grease
Carrie: LOL well said Stef, thank you for keeping us in line
Mey: I literally used to go caroling every year with my CHURCH
Carrie: But is one of the carols in your church’s book a rewriting of jingle bells that includes the line “oh what fun it is to slay a horse in an open way”? (HOW did they let us sing this in high school)
Mey: JINGLE BELLS IS A FRICKIN THANKSGIVING SONG LEARN YOUR MUSIC HOSTORY
Carrie: +1 for the word “hostory,” which i really hope wasn’t a typo
Mey: Get your Virgo-checking-for-typos-ass outta here, Wade

XOXO

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