Dr. V Is Dead, Caleb Hannan Is Celebrated: Why We Can’t Accept Lazy, Transmisogynistic Journalism

By now you’ve probably already heard about Dr. V, Caleb Hannan, and “Dr. V’s Magical Putter.” It’s an 8,000 word Grantland piece that begins with writer Caleb Hannan describing his late night viewing of YouTube videos about golf and ends with him announcing the death by suicide of a trans woman named Dr. Essay Anne Vanderbilt.

Not sure what to say other than this is the strangest story I’ve ever worked on. http://t.co/3x9FXS2dy1— Caleb Hannan (@calebhannan) January 15, 2014

A few hours later, when Wire editor Bill Wasik suggested on Twitter that Hannan’s investigation of Dr. V’s work and life contributed to her death, he replied “ouch.”

The story purported to be about a fancy, physics-defying golf club created by Dr. V, who is initially presented as mysterious and reclusive. She agreed to an interview for the piece only if Hannan promised to focus on the product and science and not write about her as a person. He agreed, but as he continued reporting he began to find details did not add up — she claimed advanced degrees that he couldn’t verify, and one investor said he was worried he would never see a return on his money. Hannan continued to dig, and Dr. V became very resistant to working with him. When a source indicated Dr. V was trans, Hannan writes, “A chill actually ran up my spine.” As feminist blogger Shakesville wrote, it was “a piece of information he found so interesting that he broke his agreement to focus on the science and not the scientist.”

Hannan details Dr. V’s history of lawsuits, relationships and a suicide attempt. He describes outing her as trans to at least one investor without her consent, and without any acknowledgement of the fact that that’s what he was doing. And then, as the linchpin of the piece, he writes “What began as a story about a brilliant woman with a new invention had turned into a tale of a troubled man who had invented a new life for himself. Yet the biggest question remained unanswered: Had Dr. V created a great golf club or merely a great story?”

“A tale of a troubled man who had invented a new life for himself.”

A troubled man.

Just like that, Hannan did what so many people do: he called into question the reality of Dr. V’s gender as if her being trans was as suspect as her missing degrees, engaging in the deplorable and time-honored practice of depicting trans* people, and especially trans women, as duplicitous and deceitful.

It’s not the first time a journalist — especially one used to a mainstream “beat” like sports — has written about trans* people in an inappropriate and dehumanizing way. In fact there was an epidemic of this very recently, when Chelsea Manning disclosed her trans status in August and a legion of news and politics reporters realized they had to figure out how to write about a trans woman. Many of them did so very poorly, misgendering Manning and writing about her in cruel, sensationalist ways. But even then, those reporters were in the wrong and engaging in poor journalistic practices they could have easily corrected; in order to write about Manning the way they did, they had to ignore easy-to-find resources, like the Trans Media Watch’s helpful style guide for cis journalists. Hannan deserves even less benefit of the doubt than those journalists did. According to his Grantland story, the piece took at least eight months to put together before it went to press, which means that Hannan was working on it all through the Manning story — a story that was so big no one, let alone a professional journalist, would have been able to ignore it — less than six months ago and learned nothing from it, or the public conversation around good reporting practices that followed it. At no point in the story does Hannan ever refer to Dr. V as what she was, a trans woman, choosing instead to use offensive, inaccurate and dehumanizing terms like “born a boy” and “used to be a man.” Thirty seconds of Googling would have given Hannan at least enough information to know how inappropriate that was.

But Hannan didn’t just make line-level copy mistakes as a cis journalist — getting someone’s pronouns wrong or using their dead name is inexcusable, but it’s not even the whole story of what Hannan did.  The Society of Professional Journalists’ code of ethics makes it explicitly clear that a journalists’ responsibility is to minimize harm, which includes:

— Show compassion for those who may be affected adversely by news coverage.
— Recognize that gathering and reporting information may cause harm or discomfort. Pursuit of the news is not a license for arrogance.
— Recognize that private people have a greater right to control information about themselves than do public officials and others who seek power, influence or attention. Only an overriding public need can justify intrusion into anyone’s privacy.
— Show good taste. Avoid pandering to lurid curiosity.

It’s difficult to understand how Hannan, or his editors at Grantland, could have thought that any of these ethical requirements were being met. It’s technically possible that Hannan could have not understood the gravity of what he was doing by outing Dr. V to her investors and to the entire American public — the degree to which she would be “affected adversely” and would without doubt experience “harm and discomfort.” But the only way that could be true is if Hannan hadn’t bothered to do even the barest minimum of research into trans* experiences and realities, and the real danger that trans women deal with from cultural stigma and transmisogyny. He would have to have looked for literally zero information about the lives of trans women and the challenges they face. Given that Hannan was willing to devote almost a year of his life researching every private detail of Dr. V’s, ranging from her interpersonal behavior at previous jobs to her personal financial history, it strains belief that he was unable to do the basic level of research that would have brought him to something like this National Transgender Discrimination Survey. Given how eager Hannan was to connect disparate dots about Dr. V’s schooling, personal life, family, court records, and business in order to paint a portrait of her as a con artist, it strains belief that he wasn’t able to connect the dots and conclude that someone who had already attempted suicide once, who put a great deal of effort into remaining private, and who explicitly warned him that he was “about to commit a hate crime” might be a suicide risk. If he were that committed to research, it seems like he should have been able to find out about Lucy Meadows, who committed suicide after being outed by a journalist last year. In fact, these things strain belief so much that it seems much more likely that Hannan was fully able to do both of those things; he just didn’t want to, because a trans woman’s life was less important than his byline potentially making it onto Longform (which, yes, it did).

We’ve emailed Hannan to ask for comment, and I’ll update this piece if he replies.

Friday, after the backlash began in earnest, he tweeted again:

For what it’s worth, I haven’t blocked anyone today. I’m reading all of this. I’m totally overwhelmed, but I’m reading.

— Caleb Hannan (@calebhannan) January 18, 2014

The fact remains that even if Dr. V had been a fraudulent businessperson selling scam golf clubs, her gender would have remained completely irrelevant to that potentially newsworthy story. She may have been a con artist in her business and academic life, but being trans is not a con.

At the end, Hannan calls his piece a eulogy. A eulogy, by definition, praises a person for their contributions and life. The only nice thing Hannan has to say about Dr. V in 8,000 words is that she made a golf putter that may or may not be extra special. This falls rather flat, though, given that Hannan stops talking about the golf club in question almost completely after Dr. V’s gender enters the picture. For the rest of the piece, he mocks her way of writing and speaking, misgenders her, and calls into question everything she told him about herself. Her gender is the big “aha moment” of his long-studied mystery, and her death is the falling action of the story. The piece was never about Dr. V, a golf putter, the science, the controversy, transgender experience, or even her death. This story was about Caleb Hannan, his desire to unwind a mystery that perplexed him, and the things he discovered along the way.

That’s bad journalism, and it’s bad humanity. A piece of this length has multiple editors and coaches, and it seems not one thought to question the merit of a piece that was essentially the drawn out tale of a trans woman’s suicide disguised as a piece about golf clubs wrapped in its writer’s own enthrallment.

Neither Hannan nor Grantland have apologized. The story is still up on Grantland’s website. On Twitter, users are organizing with the hashtag #JusticeForDrV. Some people have said the author may be legally culpable if it can be proved his actions contributed to her death, though I won’t hold my breath. It would be great if this story set off a greater awareness and call to action among cis people for compassionate, human treatment of trans women in journalism and in the real world. Even if that comes to pass, however, it won’t make Dr. V’s death worthwhile. No more trans women should die because a journalist fell down a rabbit hole and couldn’t find his own way out.

Senate Lets Unemployment Extension Expire, F*cks Over Queers and Trans* People Affected By Recession

This week, in a discouraging but not particularly shocking sequence of events, the U.S. Senate failed to pass a reinstatement and extension of unemployment insurance. At the end of December, 1.3 million Americans lost their unemployment insurance when a 2008 extension of federal emergency unemployment insurance expired. Without the extension in place, the 3.6 million other people are slated to lose unemployment benefits in 2014. Cutting unemployment amplifies the challenges queer people face in an already harsh economic climate.

In 2008, to help Americans through the recession, the federal government stepped in to extend unemployment insurance benefits, which states typically offer to eligible people for 26 weeks. Through the recession, federal unemployment was extended further, peaking at 99 weeks and then lowering to 73 weeks until the program expired in December. Unless a bill that includes the extension of unemployment insurance passes through the Senate, all federal unemployment insurance beyond 26 weeks will stop, except for those who qualify for a Nixon-era program that extends unemployment insurance in states with high unemployment rates.

Unemployment insurance helps people stay afloat while they search for new work, and allows people to continue to put money into the economy. This supports businesses and results in the creation of more jobs, which ideally would get people off unemployment insurance. Cutting off unemployment insurance stops that cash flow into the economy, and would prevent the creation of over 300,000 jobs over the course of 2014.

The expiration of the extensions is the result of senators, who do not rely on unemployment insurance, not being able to get over playing politics for a second to ensure that millions of Americans without jobs can continue paying for their basic needs. Officially, the stalemate is the result of a fairly predictable partisan dispute over the funding for the unemployment extension – the Dems would have extended a 2% cut to Medicare providers, while the Republican proposal included limiting the benefits available to people eligible for unemployment and disability assistance. What this dispute ultimately looks like is politicians prioritizing their poll numbers over the livelihoods of millions. Shocking! Each party has accused the other of bad-faith negotiations to make the other appear unsympathetic to middle-class Americans relying on public assistance.

As of the end of December, the national unemployment rate is at 6.7%, its lowest since 2008. But 6.7% is a generous number, especially for queer Americans.

The unemployment rate only includes those who are looking for jobs, and many of those who have left the ranks of the unemployed still don’t have work – they’ve stopped trying because there was nothing to be found. And while the Department of Labor reported 76,000 new jobs created in December, that’s still half as many as necessary to keep up with population growth.

6.7% reflects the entire population, obscuring the fact that for queer people, trans* people and people of color, rates are much higher. LGB unemployment rates are more than 40% higher than the national statistics, and trans* unemployment rates are double the national rate. The Bureau of Labor Statistics also reported the unemployment rate for black Americans is 11.9%, while the rate for Hispanic or Latin@ Americans ended 2013 at 8.3%. While the rates of unemployment for women are actually slightly lower than for men, that likely reflects the fact that fewer women are looking for work than men. The newly released Shriver Report indicates that women consistently earn less than men, and they are working jobs that are less secure and flexible.

Any hit to the economy hits queer people, people of color and women (and people who experience an intersection of those identities) especially hard. Federal unemployment insurance helps fill in the the gaps for people between jobs, so they can maintain their housing and other expenses. Extensions of unemployment benefits for queer and trans* people are of particular importance, because queer people, and in particular queer people of color, face major barriers to employment that can draw out the job search.

When people lose their jobs it sets off a chain of events that can lead to a spiral into an economic situation that is very difficult to emerge from. Losing a job makes losing housing more likely. Loss of housing can be especially devastating for queer people, because homeless shelters are often dangerous spaces for LGB people. Many homeless shelters will not offer space to trans* people at all. Homelessness makes it harder to find and maintain work, and makes queer people more vulnerable to violence from other people and from police. Without access to work or unemployment insurance, queer people may also turn to illegal or dangerous means of income, like sex work, dealing drugs or stealing things they need in order to survive. This subjects more queers to greater risk of contact with law enforcement, which puts them at risk for violence within the criminal justice system. Having an existing criminal record creates further barriers for queer people looking for work, further entrenching them in unemployment. Unemployment benefit extensions weren’t created with queer people in mind, and they don’t remotely resolve the economic injustices queer people face, but they can create a marginal cushion to give queer people a little extra time to find employment without also losing access to housing and other necessities.

Looking forward, it appears clear that unemployment extension won’t come up again until at least late January, and because political egos aren’t about to magically evaporate, nothing will happen without some nasty politicking. While the Senate works out its ridiculous issues, millions of Americans will be waiting for their checks.

Let’s Celebrate Laverne Cox’s Book Deal and Read These 6 Memoirs By Trans Women Of Color

With Janet Mock’s book Redefining Realness coming out in just a few short weeks, things are already exciting in the world of memoirs written by trans women of color. If you add onto that the new information that activist and Orange is the New Black actress Laverne Cox has signed up to write a memoir for Harlequin Books (yes, of Harlequin Romance Novel fame), things are looking as bright as the sun. Cox’s memoir is due out sometime in 2015 and will tell her story of growing up in Alabama, finding her identity and growing into the talented and beautiful woman she is today.

Cox first started making splashes in the public eye when she was a contestant on VH1’s I Want to Work for Diddy back in 2008. Two years later, she produced and starred in another VH1 program, the makeover show TRANSform Me. Cox catapulted into stardom with her amazingly powerful performance as Sophia Burset on the Netflix original series Orange is the New Black.

With her current time in the spotlight, she has also become one of the most visible advocates for transgender rights in the United States. She regularly speaks out about the violence and discrimination that trans women (especially trans women of color) face; flawlessly handles inappropriate questions from daytime TV hosts; is producing a documentary on CeCe McDonald, a black trans woman who was jailed for defending herself from racist and transphobic attackers; and even was one of the people who picked CeCe up from prison when she was recently released. Add all of this to the her recent Dorian Award nomination for The We’re Wild About You (Rising Star Award) and her book deal, and Cox is already having quite the 2014.

Cox has released a statement, expressing her excitement about getting a chance to write this memoir.

“As a trans woman of color from a working class background, I have often felt shame about the truth of my personal story for much of my life. By sharing my full, unvarnished story, including details of my life and family history I have never before revealed, I hope to provide a voice and safe place for those who have suffered because of their race, class, gender, abuse, violence and trauma. I’m thrilled that Harlequin will be publishing this book.”

Shara Alaxender, the Publicity Director for Harlequin Books explained the details of the deal, saying that “the editors at Harlequin Nonfiction aggressively pursued Cox to write a book. They met with her and were awed by her story, her writing and her devotion to the LGBT community. Editor Rebecca Hunt won the book in a heated auction from agent Kent Wolf at Lippincott Massie McQuilkin for a six-figure deal.” Hunt added that “Laverne Cox is a powerful, accomplished actress and a beacon of hope to countless people of all ages around the world. The story of her life to this point is nothing short of an inspiration.”

With Cox and Mock both penning such high profile memoirs within a year of each other, we’re seeing a very important shift toward trans women of color being able to tell their own stories to a wide audience. As Janet Mock pointed out in a wonderful blog post last summer, trans women of color very rarely get to be in charge of how their stories are told and who hears them. For far too long, the vast majority of trans memoirs that actually got published were written by white trans people. When, and if, trans women of color had their stories told, it was usually when someone else had written it. Instead of having their stories told by cis people who often rely on clichés and stereotypes (not to mention transmisogynistic and racist portrayals), trans women of color are starting to get the chance to take control and have their own voices heard. Since trans women of color are so often silenced, whether it’s by homelessness and poverty, prison sentences, or violent crimes and murder, seeing these women step up and tell their stories is a breath of fresh air.

Until recently, memoirs written by trans women of color were exceedingly difficult to find. As Mock points out in her blog post on the subject, “from the 30-plus books I have on my self that would be categorized as trans memoir, only four of them are from trans women of color.” Of those four, only one, Hiding My Candy by The Lady Chablis, came out before 2011. This book tells the story of Chablis, a trans woman who works as a drag queen and entertainer and is considered to be something of an icon in Savannah. She was featured in the book Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil and even played herself in the movie adaptation.

Mock also mentions Toni Newman’s I Rise, Ryka Aoki’s Seasonal Velocities and Cooking in Heels by Ceyenne Doroshow. I Rise, published in 2011, tells about how Newman was a successful male fitness model and businessperson before losing it all when she transitioned. Aoki’s book, a 2013 Lambda award finalist, combines poems, essays and stories and was published by Trans-Genre books, a publishing house run by trans people. Cooking in Heels is the odd-sounding but wonderful memoir/cookbook combination that features 40 Southern and Caribbean style recipes. You can also check out Trauma Queen, written by Lovemme Corazon, which is a story of overcoming abuse, learning to survive and eventually learning to thrive.

The trend of more and more trans women of color publishing memoirs, and even just the fact that the two most prominent trans memoirs of this year and next are being written by trans women of color, are very positive signs. This community has been silenced and ignored for too long and hopefully, the more people are excited to read trans women of color’s stories, the more people will start listening to them and respecting them.

Janet Mock Redefines Realness: The Autostraddle Interview

---

Janet Mock had kept a secret for over 25 years when she wrote the column heard ’round the world: “I was born a boy.” Already an established member of the publishing world, she was coming out as a trans woman.

At the time, Mock was known for her work with People magazine, where she served as Online Editor; now, she’s known for her advocacy and writing around trans* issues.

There are key moments in a person’s life when you just know your destiny is about to change. For me, this moment came when Wendi, whom I remained friends with despite being in different schools, started taking female hormone pills. When she graduated to injections a few months later, she sold me her pills for $1 a pop. The timing was divine, as I’d already begun to detect a hint of an Adam’s apple on my throat. The changes in my 15-year-old body horrified me. Sometimes while showering, my thoughts got dark: What if I just cut this thing off? Wendi’s pills were my savior. For three months, I took estrogen and watched my body’s slow metamorphosis: softer skin, budding breasts, a fuller face.

But I knew that taking them without the supervision of a doctor was risky. I needed someone to monitor my progress. That’s when I finally confessed to my mom what I’d been doing. A single, working mother, she didn’t have the luxury or will to micromanage my life and allowed me to do what I wanted so long as I continued making honor roll. That was our unspoken deal. But the medical changes were different — she recognized that my desperation to be a woman was not just teen angst or rebellion; it was a matter of life or death. “If that’s what you want,” she said, looking me straight in the eye, “we’re going to do it the right way.” So she signed off on a local endocrinologist’s regimen of treatments, which involved weekly hormone shots in the butt and daily estrogen pills. For the first time, I could visualize heading off to college as a woman, pursuing a career as a woman. No more dress-up, no more pretending.

The world learned in 2011 that Janet Mock was trans, and also that she was a hell of a writer. Her work was far-reaching, approachable, poignant: she wrote firsthand about coming out to her boyfriend, the murders and violence directed at trans women of color, and what she wants from her community. And we couldn’t get enough. Now, Mock is a regular on The Melissa Harris-Perry Show, NPR, Huffington Post, and, of course, Twitter – a rare land where the most intersectional, awe-inspiring, and thought-provoking feminists rise to the top.

#GirlsLikeUs is for ALL trans women, regardless of color, but all who lend their voice to amplify ours knows that intersectionality matters.

— Janet Mock (@janetmock) May 15, 2012

Mock took some time out of her media circuit to pen her so-far memoir, Redefining Realness; in it, she finally gets to tell us the full story. The book, out in February, is sure to sound just like the Mock we know and love: honest, frank, bright. (In her undeniable perfection, she also led a Storygiving campaign to make the book more accessible to trans women of color.)

Janet Mock is an inspiration to anyone attempting to live authentically. She’s unabashedly human, insanely dignified, humble and generous with her efforts. She’s been helping other women – and particularly other trans women of color – tell their stories, and it’s made the world richer and more understanding. When faced with what must have felt like impossibility, she barely showed fear.

Mock came out defiantly into the world as the person she knew she wanted to be, and she accepted and has handled the responsibilities of being both a spokesperson and a mentor with grace. I recently sat down for a phone interview with her to ask ten(ish) questions about stories and what comes after she’s done telling this particular one.

I’m really excited to start off the new year with such a great interview! I wanted to sort of start out with your switch to advocacy  – you sort of totally 180-ed from being an editor at People to being this outspoken trans* advocate. Have you ever looked back?

I haven’t looked back, ever. I think it was the best choice that I had at the time to tell my story on my own terms and then to hopefully use that story to raise awareness about a very marginalized group of women: young, transgender women. I think the biggest thing for me is the plug-in to this amazing trans* and queer community that’s out there that’s been doing this work that’s, I think, at a point where it’s really ready to take the lead from people who live in many multiplicities, right, who have many different identities, not just people who are gay or lesbian, cisgender, but people who tend to be kind of muddied in their identities. And I think that I came around at the right time to be a part of this new kind of “intersectional” blend of the movement.

The next biggest part was just kind of connecting to all kinds of young women who found, I guess, some semblance of reflection in my story and in my writings. And I just want to continue to make them proud and make them proud of themselves and just feel as though they can tap into themselves and tell their stories so they can be heard.

And I know a lot of your activism is sort of tied up in the gay community since queer and trans* issues are so close together. So how do you feel about the relationship that sort of exists there between gay rights and trans* rights and just sort of the LGBT movement as a whole?

You know, I really I wish that we could really talk about gender expectations within the movement. I think that when we’re all born we’re told that if you’re assigned male or female at birth and you’re supposed to, you know, like the “opposite sex,” that’s who you’re supposed to be with. I think it’s about all of those supposed gender expectations. And I think that if we would have kind of started the movement there in that sense, I think we could have been more cohesive in our journeys forward without excluding people. I think the relationship is exactly what Autostraddle talks about often – you know, telling different stories.

I think that that’s what’s very important is showing that it’s also not a monolith, even though that we are in the movement together moving forward that there’s many different little movements within this movement that hopefully pushes forward when the louder part of the movement is heard, you know? We’re not going to be silenced, the rest of us. I just hope that young queer, gay, lesbian, trans, bi – whatever – continue to lift up the erased history and they continue to lift marginalized voices.

It’s always a tricky question, but obviously it is a community, right? Because that’s how the world sees us. Often they see LGBT, they don’t see QQIA, you know? But they see LGBT and so they think that it’s a brand. And so how do we use that brand to forward the movement, move the movement forward and also hold people within the brand accountable to those who often aren’t heard? I think that’s the work of a lot of us that we’ve been doing, a lot of us who actually do a lot of our mobilizing through media, through social media and through the internet. I think that that’s what’s amazing about YouTube and about Tumblr. You hear the voices that often aren’t heard when it goes onto MSNBC or when it goes onto “Modern Family” and “Glee” and all that stuff. And so I’m happy that younger voices and voices of color and marginalized voices are being heard.

You started the #GirlsLikeUs hashtag, which continues to be a really strong and powerful place for trans women to connect or people to even just talk about trans* issues. And prior to your advocacy, you were also doing work online. So how do you feel about a lot of the people out there who doubt the ability of the Internet to connect and inspire and educate people?

I think it’s uniquely positioned for marginalized people who have access to the Internet. And I think that for me specifically, when I started #GirlsLikeUs, it was actually for the women who wrote to me and told me that they couldn’t come out. Either they couldn’t come out as trans* or they could not even start the journey of saying that they’re trans*, right? And so I knew that the internet, because of the physical difference of trans women, obviously there’s visible difference there for trans women because a lot of it is about body image and self image and self representation determination, sometimes it’s hard to leave your apartment where you feel safe and you feel like no one is going to throw slurs at you or say anything ridiculous about you. So the Internet often is the first place of refuge.

And so I knew this and I was like, how can I empower those women by showing women who are living “visibly” out in the world and who can send messages of support and affirmation about their lives and just kind of live their lives very publicly and have a space where we can all tap into this level of visibility. Whatever visibility you’re comfortable with, whether it’s just at the computer and your little studio apartment or if you’re out on the streets and you’re taking photos of yourself with your friends. There’s different levels of visibilty and all levels of visibilities matter for our movement. Because until trans women specifically are seen in the world beyond someone else’s gaze, beyond someone else’s gate keeping and lens, we’re never going to be seen as who we truly are, which is very, very different kind of woman.

So I think that for me I’d noticed that the most successful “hashtag” or social media movement based activism are the ones that are very targeted towards marginalized voices that tend not to be heard. And so then when we activate those voices and we amplify them and we collect them together, it shows a very strong portrait. And so I think that in this day and age, I think it’s the quickest, probably cheapest way of getting people to be heard in media is through web platforms.

And you’re also making the switch from web to print with your book that’s slated for February. Are you super excited, terrified?

So I’m definitely about the book. It’s like a mix of like exhilaration, fear, excitement, obviously a dream being realized is probably the biggest part of it. I had three goals when I was young. I wanted to be myself, which meant to be a woman, I wanted to write and I wanted to live in New York City. And those three things are kind of coming together in the book that my record of my life so far. And I think that to have that access to tell my story in a mainstream way that’s all my words, my filter, no one has filtered it for me, you know, it’s my story, my record.

And there’s intense privilege there, right? To be that, to have that and to have that dream. And so I’m excited but I’m scared too because also it is probably my first body of work that is unfiltered by someone else. It’s not someone else’s gaze. It’s completely me. And so that’s the scary part, right? And so criticism or whatever comes. And also being scared of the unknown and all this stuff. So putting myself out there. So yeah, I’m excited. I’m excited though. Mostly I’m excited. I’m very, very excited.

Well, how did it happen? How did the sort of process start and what were some of your favorite parts of the process?

It started I think three years ago right when I was in talks to tell my story in Marie Claire. I had already been writing stories and memories from my life just to myself. I didn’t really know that it was memoir yet, it kind of felt more like a journal. And then once I stepped out publicly in my life, I realized that there was a need or a gap within the quote, unquote, “trans* memoirs” and even within women of color memoirs it kind of missed that intersection of transness and woman of colorness. And so I wanted to put that together. I wanted this book to be the bridge between those communities, between the queer and trans* community and women of color communities and say, kind of how Barbara Smith said, kind of how Gloria Anzaldua said in their times. Those women were sticking the claim — and Audre Lorde — they were sticking the claims on their lives and saying, “We exist.” And that’s kind of what I want this book to be is the same. Young trans women, a lot of them poor, a lot of them of color exist. And I can share their experiences through the lens of my story.

And so that’s how the book became a book, those journals became a book. And so now the book has been worked on in the past three years and now it’s ready for the world and I’m really excited to share it with a lot of people. And I hope that it’s an accessible read for people who may not understand these issues and an uplifting one for those who kind of do understand but they may want to see themselves on the page in some way.

That’s awesome. What sort of stuff do you see happening sort of after it’s done? Are there any new projects that you’re going to start working on or any ventures that you’re going to do once the book is out?

Yeah, I have some things lined up for sure. I think this book will be at my side for the next three years. I’ll probably be touring intensely for probably the first two years, you know, to be honest. So I’m excited to have deeper conversations about the themes of the book, about authenticity, about trans womanhood, about being a woman of color.

But beyond that, I think I just want to continue storytelling. That’s kind of why I studied journalism, that’s why I came out with my story, that’s why I shared my story. And so I just want to continue to do that on different platforms. I’m thinking about making the transition to television, figure out what that looks like, as a showrunner or either someone who has her own conversation series.

And of course, writing more books. Because at the end of the day I’m a writer and that’s what I want to do. I don’t know what that next book project is. But I think that really what’s important for me is to create the media that I should have had growing up, as Alice Walker said when she wrote The Color Purple. She said she wanted to write the book or the books that she should have been able to read growing up, and that’s what I want to do.

What’s some of your favorite stuff that you’ve done thus far, sort of breaking into the whole advocacy queer activism community? And what’s some stuff that you’re dreaming of that have yet to do?

Oh my God. I think the number one thing, to be honest, was connecting with other trans women. Because I think that the way that I grew up was kind of like, you “transitioned” and then you move on with your life and you move on because you need to survive, right? So you move on away from the community that kind of raised you. Like I was raised with trans women, like a group in Honolulu, Hawaii. It was older trans women. My best friend was a trans woman. You graduate away from that once you can kind of live this “realness” life, right?

And so telling my story connected me to a whole network of women. And that has been the biggest strength for me. I have new friends in my life who are amazing trans women. Writers, artists, activists. And now I can tap into that network of women and really know what community is. It’s uplifting one another, it’s affirming one another, it’s challenging one another, it’s caring for one another. That has been the biggest gift in my life so far. And that all came through the act of stepping forward and telling my story and just speaking up. And so my voice connected me to other voices and it only enriches my voice. And so that has been the biggest gift in my life so far, being able to do that.

And I just want to continue storytelling and letting other women see themselves, right? Because when we create media, like I know how Autostraddle has done, you tap into other women. They start creating media and they start doing things. So that’s been the most inspiring thing is to see young trans women come to me, or just young women of color, queer women of color, who say that my story has meant this to them and so they created this project or meant this to them or they started telling their story or created a blog. And so I just love how that’s the part of the story’s sharing process, right? The telling is just step one, but the sharing part, you don’t know where that’s going to take you and it encourages other people to share their stories. And I think that we need more and more stories, our own stories.

What’s your ultimate advice to someone who is trying to live true to themselves or who is struggling with who they are?

I think number one is tap into yourself and take your time. I think that we tend to also see a lot of people — a lot of the stories tend to be people who are not in the process, right? When we’re the most vulnerable is when we’re in the process of finding ourselves, that process of self discovery. And so we tend to see from I went from scared, bullied child to this amazing person now and this is where I am now and, look, you can do it too. And that’s why I do like Tumblr and I do like YouTube because I feel like it’s a lot of people in process of self revelation, self determination.

And I think that a lot of those things, when you see people in the messiness of their journeys, that’s more empowering. So what I would say to someone is don’t look to these big role models that now you hold up on a pedestal. Look to those who are right in process with you. Because you see that they’re taking their time, that it takes a long time to find yourself. So take your time finding yourself, take your time finding and honing your voice, if you’re a writer or storyteller or an artist, whatever that point of view is, and to really tap into yourself.

And when I say tap into yourself, I mean like really find out who you are. Like beyond the labels that people may have embraced for themselves and find the labels that are you, you know? And specifically when I’m talking to trans and queer women it’s like really don’t go based on someone’s expectation who’ve said that these labels are fine with me. And so I’ve noticed that with a lot of people they’re like, “Well, I don’t really live up to trans*, I don’t really live up to queer, I don’t really live up to dyke, I don’t really live up to this and that. I’m not that because I don’t look like this person or I don’t seem as self assured as this person.” So really tap into yourself. It’s really great that you have these around you. They’re there to inspire you, not to dictate a path for you. And so tap into yourself and find your own path and take your time journeying on that path.

That would be the best advice I can give anyone, if anyone would ask me.

---

Idol Worship is a biweekly devotional to whoever the fuck I’m into. This is a no-holds-barred lovefest for my favorite celebrities, rebels and biker chicks; women qualify for this column simply by changing my life and/or moving me deeply. Graphic by Rory Midhani.

What’s Happening For CA’s Trans Students? Unpacking the Clusterf*ck Of AB 1266

Search the hashtag #AB1266 on Twitter, and you’ll see what I mean by clusterfuck. It’s a mixture of conservatives, LGBT groups, names of California counties, statistics, and conflicting reports of what’s happened, and what’s next.

The basics: Assembly Bill 1266, the School Success and Opportunity Act, is a California law which allows access to programs and facilities based on gender identity. Over the fall, a coalition called Privacy for all Students has been trying to put a referendum on the law on the 2014 ballot. Their argument: AB 1266 is so broad it would allow high school boys to invade women’s privacy. That’s not what Tom Amiano had in mind when he authored the bill last February. His communications director, Carlos Alcala, said that the bill was meant to be a clarification of existing law.

Specifically, what the bill does is add 38 words to Section 221.5 of the Education Code:

(f) A pupil shall be permitted to participate in sex-segregated school programs and activities, including athletic teams and competitions, and use facilities consistent with his or her gender identity, irrespective of the gender listed on the pupil’s records.

Most California students already go to school districts with similar policies. And there’s already a statewide policy against discrimination based on gender identity. However, there were times, Alcala said, when it seemed that districts didn’t know what that entailed. A pointed example came from Arcadia Unified School District. They required a trans middle schooler to use the nurse’s office to change and use the restroom. When he went on an overnight field trip, he was forced to sleep in a separate cabin with his father. In 2011, he filed a complaint with the Departments of Education and Justice based on discrimination under Title IX. This year, an agreement was reached where Arcadia agreed to implement a broad trans* rights policy. (And, as an aside, the actual agreement reads like trans* tumblr.)

AB 1266 is what you’d call no brainer legislation. It clarifies state law to avoid legal challenges. It implements a policy that most districts already follow. It incurs no cost, and saves the legal fees of lawsuits like Arcadia.

What could go wrong?

As it turns out, everything. The bill came along at a time when the political climate was becoming gay friendly. It meant that anti-gay groups like NOM and One Million Moms were struggling for relevancy and cash. However, while attitudes towards trans people have improved, there’s still a lack of knowledge about transgender issues. Like Arcadia, most people supported trans rights, but didn’t know what that entailed.

According to GOP strategists, that leaves an opening for political gain (no really, that’s literally what they’ve said). Over the last year, right wing groups have started to shift their focus from protecting children from gay marriage to protecting children from trans children. AB 1266 provided the perfect opportunity. Without looking into any of the context for the bill (or what it even did), right wing media repeatedly attacked it.

Less than a month later, Privacy for All Students was formed. As if to highlight the connection to the marriage debate, they soon garnered the support of Prop 8 architect Frank Schubert and NOM. By October, they were asking for donations to get signatures for a referendum.

What they hoped to accomplish was a little less clear. Says Cristan Williams of the Transadvocate, “If AB 1266 went away tomorrow, these [policies] will still be in place because they were already in place prior to AB 1266.” Still they received hundreds of thousands in donations. Including hedge fund manager Sean Feiler and Henry Rowland, chairman of the Jelly Belly corporation.

In November, they submitted 620,000 signatures for review, of which 504,000 needed to be valid. Over the winter, anywhere from 500 to 2,000 signatures from each county were checked for their validity. Results trickled in as #AB1266 gave way to speculation about the petition’s fate. On January 8th, Secretary of State Susan Bowen said the estimates didn’t yield enough valid signatures to qualify for the ballot. However, the number was high enough to call for a full count of signatures, to be completed by February 24th.

What happens next is anyone’s guess. Williams points out that they ‘barely reached the 95% validity rate from the random sample spot check’. Of course, the estimates aren’t an exact science either. There’s no telling until February 24th, when the results of the full count are due. If it does go to a ballot, Privacy for All Students will be well funded to make their case. Even if overturning this law accomplishes nothing, the publicity around it would be a ‘win’ for the coalition. What’s more, Privacy for All Students has the funds to potentially make their presence national.

In an interview with the National Review last October, Shubert said, “I hope we can qualify for the referendum, reengage the faith community in California to take a stand, win a victory, and reenergize the pro-family movement.”

As for the bill itself? It’s been in force since the New Year (despite conservative claims). Because the status of the referendum hasn’t been determined, Amiano’s office is unable to defend the bill, or even answer PFAS’s claims. Doing so would risk using their office for electoral purposes.

I almost feel bad for them. This was, by and large, routine legislation. A cursory glance of the bill’s analysis shows just how ingrained trans* inclusion is in California policy. And, really, it’s policy nationwide. The trans population is so small that it just isn’t an issue for administrators.

That is, until now.

Thanks to Transadvocate and Daily Bulletin for additional reporting.

Flawless Trans Women Carmen Carrera and Laverne Cox Respond Flawlessly To Katie Couric’s Invasive Questions

On Monday, transgender model Carmen Carrera and Orange is the New Black actress Laverne Cox made a daytime TV talk show appearance on the ABC show Katie hosted by Katie Couric. What was advertised as a platform for these two talented and charming ladies to talk about the projects they are working on and transgender issues, quickly devolved into an awkward inquisition about their genitals led by the host. Both women stepped up to the challenge, though, and turned the interview into a triumphant verbal parade by both Carrera and Cox on what it’s like to be trans, what it’s like to have people ask you about your genitals on a regular basis and what issues are really important to the trans community.

Things started to seem a little odd when the viewers kept being reminded about Carrera’s transition by being shown pictures of her in bandages and mentions of her transition at every chance. Later when Couric introduced Carrera, she said that “she was born a man and that’s why she’s on our show,” making it very clear that she’s only interesting because of her transition. Couric continued to focus on that part of Carrera’s life when she said that after being on Rupaul’s Drag Race, Carrera “realized she was done acting like a woman and wanted to become one.” However, the real trouble started when Couric started to ask Ms. Carrera if transitioning was painful because of all the surgery that she had to go through. Carmen looked a little confused and responded by talking a little about her nose job and breast augmentation and that’s when Katie pounced. She immediately asked if Carmen’s “private parts” are “different now” and if she’s had that surgery yet. Carmen Carrera responded perfectly. First she literally shushed Katie Couric, trying to get her to stop asking such a private thing. Then she told her “I don’t want to talk about it, it’s really personal” and she told Katie that there’s a lot more to get than her genitals. She said, “after the transition there’s still life to live, I still have my career goals, I still have my family goals.”

After the break, Couric brought on Laverne Cox who, at first was talking about her role on Orange is the New Black. They talked about her character Sofia Burset and how her twin brother played pre-transition Sofia on the show. Cox was absolutely killing it, saying she doesn’t see herself as a “role model,” she prefers the term “possibility model” (a term I’m totally going to steal). She says that she’s not arrogant enough to think that people should model their life after her, but she likes the idea that she is showing other people that it’s possible to live your dreams.

Unfortunately, that’s when Katie got back on the surgery track. Couric explained that she just wants to be educated and that a lot of people are curious because they’re “not familiar with transgenders.” She told Cox that Carrera had “recoiled” when asked about surgery and said that cis people are preoccupied with “the genitalia question.” Couric wondered if Cox felt the same way about that question and about cis people’s attitudes towards trans women. As soon as Cox started telling her that, yes, she keeps her private parts private and that cis people do have an obsession with trans women’s genitalia, she really started picking up steam. Cox said that the preoccupation with genitalia and transition objectifies trans women and distracts us from the real issues.

Cox was absolutely brilliant as she brought up how trans women, and specifically trans women of color, disproportionately face violence and discrimination, even compared to other LGBTQ people. She brought up the case of Islan Nettles, a black trans woman who was brutally murdered after the men who were cat-calling her realized she was trans and beat her to death. There is still no justice for Nettles, as the charges against her murderer were dropped. Cox brought up the facts that trans women face absurdly high lives of homelessness, violent crime, discrimination and poverty. Then Cox hit it out of the park when she said, “by focusing on bodies we don’t focus on the lived realities of that oppression and that discrimination.”

Throughout all of this, both Carrera and Cox remained ridiculously charming. They both appeared to be so happy to be on the show and to be able to talk about the work that they do. They were completely tactful and kept on talking about how much they love each other and are proud of the things the other is doing. It was great seeing two successful and thriving trans women of color showing so much love for each other and then completely bringing it when they were asked inappropriate questions about their bodies. I’m extremely tired of every story about trans women focusing on their transition, so when both Carrera and Cox spoke out against that line of questioning, I was cheering at my TV. Hopefully, as more and more resources are available, people won’t feel so comfortable asking strangers about what surgeries they’ve had and what their genitals look like. Trans people are more than just our bodies, and these two women showed that in the absolute best way possible. If you want to watch the whole thing, you can check out the interviews at Katie online.

You can watch Laverne Cox’s segment here:

And Carmen Carrera’s segment here:

35 Trans Women I Had #Herocrushes On In 2013

A #HeroCrush has nothing to do with romantic or sexual attraction. You don’t even have to want to be friends with the person. Instead, it’s all about people you admire and look to for inspiration and influence. It’s that special feeling you get when you look at someone and you think, “dang girl, I want to smash the patriarchy with you!” You can see yourself holding hands with them marching in a parade or creating a human blockade. You fantasize about a future spent together dismantling systems of oppression side by side. You want to follow them on twitter and you make sure to tune in when you hear that they’re going to be on MSNBC or NPR. For me, a lot of my #herocrushes in 2013 happened to be trans women. Some of these people are heroes because they faced serious oppression or obstacles, others are heroes because they’re thriving in their fields, but all of these trans women deserve to be recognized and remembered this year.

1. Janet Mock

Every time she puts out another blog post or appears on Melissa Harris Perry or HuffPost Live I have to stop and pay attention. She is consistantly bringing up issues that others who have audiences her size simply don’t talk about. Whether it’s talking about Islan Nettles being misgendered at her own vigil, the fact that trans women of color’s indiegogo campaigns don’t seem to raise a lot of money or talking about Kerry Washington on Scandal, she always brings important points and a unique perspective to the issue. She has a book called Redefining Realness coming out in February and she’s poised to have a great 2014. She’s a great leader not just for trans women, not just for women of color, but for all women.

---

2. Laverne Cox

I know we seem to talk about how much we love her a lot, but that’s only because she deserves it. She’s the only trans woman of color who is a regular on a TV show, and on top of that, she’s playing a trans woman character who is one of the most fascinating and enthralling characters on TV this year. Outside of TV, she’s an outspoken advocate for the rights of trans women of color everywhere. She’s producing a documentary on CeCe McDonald, appears on TV and the internet to talk about being a black trans woman in America and is just an all-around awesome person. Cox is radically changing the way television and television viewers see trans women for the better and I can’t wait for the next season of Orange is the New Black.

---

3. CeCe McDonald

Thrown in a men’s prison for defending herself from racist and transphobic attackers, she has been able to smile and inspire all of us. McDonald has brought to light a huge issue that most in America did not know about- the horrible and unfair treatment that trans women face in the prison system. McDonald continues to speak out about trans issues from inside prison and you can support her by writing to her.

---

4. Carmen Carrera

Not only does she continue to wow me every time she comes out with a new photoshoot or video showing off her impeccable style and amazing looks, but she also knows how to speak up about important issues. A change.org petition was started by her fans and supporters asking Victoria’s Secret to make her the first transgender model to walk in their show and got over 45,000 signatures. Plus, she’s not afraid to call out her friend (who is in the room) when she says she doesn’t want Carmen to go out clubbing with her because it’s “straight night” at the club.

---

5. Miss Major

Miss Major is one of the true legends of the American queer rights movement. (She was actually at Stonewall!) This year we saw a documentary about her illustrious life being made called Major!. The documentary won Project of the Month at IndieWire and has been covered by GLAAD, Colorlines, and Huffington Post.

---

6. Coy Mathis

Only six years old and already winning life changing battles for the rights of her peers. When her school in Colorado was trying to force her to use the boy’s bathroom, her parent’s sued and won a landmark court case saying that trans students are allowed to use the correct facilities for their gender. Coy is just trying to live her life, and in doing so is making life better for transgender students all around her state.

---

7. Fallon Fox

She seems to face almost as many verbal punches from transphobes outside the ring as she does actual punches from opponents in the ring, and she manages to bounce back from all of them. Even though she’s faced bullying and incorrect allegations that she has an unfair advantage, she hasn’t backed down and continues to fight in the sport she loves. She currently has a record of 3-1-0.

---

8. Eli Erlick

The founder and director of the Trans Student Equality Resources, national advisory council member for the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network and an activist who fights for trans students’ rights in California and across the country. One of the things she worked toward was to bring about California’s sweeping new student’s rights bill. She was named to both the Trans 100 and Refinery29’s 30 Under 30 lists.

---

9. Lovemme Corazón

Their memoir Trauma Queen was released this year and is one of the most moving and powerful pieces of writing I’ve read in a long time. In it, they talk about gender, abuse, depression, activism and racism. By publishing their memoirs and writing such an open book, they are telling a story that a lot of trans women experience but few get to tell about. Plus, their blogging, videos and self-created media posted on tumblr and elsewhere continues to change my life.

---

10. All the ladies who are in the Angels of Change calendar

This calendar raises money for the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles Division of Adolescent Medicine Center for TransYouth Health and Development and gives young trans people the opportunity to get all dressed up and show off. Proceeds from all all of the calendars purchased go directly to the center. It is coordinated by Bamby Salcedo and according to the website, “Although they are always an attractive bunch, they’re not chosen not based on their looks, but on their willingness to create change, within themselves, and within their community.”

---

11. Alysia Yeoh and Tong, comic book characters

The first realistic and positive portrayal of a trans woman in the mainstream DC comics universe, Alysia was created and introduced by Gail Simone in Batgirl and came out as trans in issue #19. She’s the most prominent and mainstream trans woman to ever appear in comics and is also one of the few whose transness isn’t tied into fantasy or sci fi elements. Another comic book character who came out as a trans girl this year, Tong is one of the Moloid (a race of underground humanoids) children who are members of the Future Foundation, a sort-of spin off of Marvel Comic’s Fantastic Four. Her interactions with her siblings, friends and teachers in FF are some of the cutest depictions of trans youth in fiction that I’ve ever seen.

---

12. Sarah McBride

Former student body president at American University and current trans activist in her home state of Deleware, she was influential in passing the state’s transgender non-discrimination law this year. She spoke at the 17th Annual HRC dinner, talking about her experiences coming out as transgender and fighting for trans rights in Delaware. We talked with Sarah back in 2012, and she’s only gone on to do bigger and better things since then.

---

13. Laura Jane Grace

The lead singer and guitarist for the band Against Me! came out as trans last year and has just gotten more and more rock and roll as time goes on. She released the kickass True Trans EP this year and continues to have one of the cutest families around. Against Me! is releasing a new CD, Transgender Dysphoria Blues in January and is touring right now.

---

14. Paris Lees

Lees keeps on getting named one of the most influential LGBTQ people in the UK, and the more I read her articles and watch her TV appearances the more I can see why. She was a part of the BBC’s “100 Women” event, appeared on BBC’s Question Time and continues to advocate for trans rights in her native country.

---

15. Andy Marra

Marra’s article on her experiences being a Korean adoptee, going back to that country to find her Korean mother and coming out to her as transgender makes me cry every single time I read it. I wish that more coming out stories were as touching as this one. If you haven’t checked it out, please, go do so now.

---

16. Bamby Salcedo

She’s not only the president of the Trans-Latin@ Coalition, which advocates for the needs of transgender Latin@s in the US, she also works with the HIV positive community (of which she is a member) and trans and Latin@ youth. She’s the person behind the Angels of Change Calendar.

---

17. Kokumo

Kokumo is an African-American transgender advocate, performer, artist, writer, organizer and singer. In addition to all of her activism, she also released an EP, There Will Come A Day, in February and released a video for the title track in September. She dedicated the video to the countless trans women of color who have lost their lives due to violence.

---

18. Audrey Mbugua

She’s a transgender woman from Kenya who is suing the Kenya National Examinations Council and the Attorney General in order to have them recognize her status as a woman. While the government argues that since she “was born male” and “hasn’t completed her transition,” she is having a hard time finding employment and is trying to change her national ID card and passport so that she can travel, continue her education and start a career.

---

19. Cecilia Chung

Chung was the first openly trans woman and first openly HIV positive person to serve on the San Francisco Human Rights Commission. One of the founding producers of Trans March, this immigrant from Hong Kong also works tirelessly to educate the medical community on trans* health issues.

---

20. Sadie

An eleven-year-old trans girl who decided to write an essay to President Obama after he mentioned gay rights in his inaugural speech but left out trans* people. Her essay was earnest, touching and brave.

---

21. All the trans women who have written for Autostraddle

Not only was the trans*scribe series filled with amazing and diverse stories about trans women’s experiences and attitudes, but trans women like Morgan M., Morgan Collado, Vivian, Maryam and Savannah have continued to contribute great pieces to Autostraddle.

---

22. Ari South

South had previously competed on Project Runway before coming out as trans, and returned this year to the show’s All-Star edition. Despite being misgendered on the show and being the first person to leave, she managed to show that she’s talented and one to watch in the fashion world.

---

23. Cassidy Lynn Campbell

Only sixteen years old, Campbell was the first openly transgender girl elected homecoming queen in California. After winning, she was unfortunately bombarded with transphobic and transmisogynistic attacks. Even after facing that, she says she is moving on to “amazing opportunities” and “bigger and better things.”

---

24. All the trans women who were murdered or violently attacked for being trans

I’m certainly not including these women on this list to celebrate the “accomplishment” of being murdered. They’re on here for a different reason than everyone else. A hero doesn’t just have to be someone who you want to work alongside, it can also be someone who’s memory you want to honor in your actions and daily life. These are women who are our sisters, friends and loved ones and who I want to do right by. These are women who really deserve to be honored and revered. They are the kind of heroes who we should never forget, who we should make sure to memorialize. This year, like many years before, we saw far, far too many trans women being attacked because of their trans status. This is especially true of trans women of color, and especially black trans women in the United States and Latina trans women in South and Central America. We need to remember these names and honor their memories.

---

27. Calliope Wong

Wong applied to Smith College (a women’s college) in 2012, but was denied admission because her FAFSA form was marked “male.” She brought to light the issues with many women’s colleges admittance policies and became the face for the fight to make sure that women’s colleges are safe spaces for trans women.

---

28. Naomi Fontanos

A transgender woman from the Philippines, she is the co-founder of Gender and Development Advocates and has spoken in front of the Philippine House of Representatives to advocate for trans women’s rights. One of the many goals she is working toward is to pass anti-discrimination bills that would protect trans workers.

---

29. Ines Rau, Kylan Wenzel, Jenna Talackova and Arisce Wanzer, models and beauty queens

While some might think that there’s nothing revolutionary about trans women modeling or entering beauty pageants, I would have to disagree. Holding up trans women (and especially trans women of color) as fashion and beauty icons who society is supposed to look up to and follow goes against everything trans women and women of color are taught about beauty standards.

---

30. Jazz

Another star of the bright future of trans advocates, this twelve year old has been the subject of a documentary, I Am Jazz, has appeared multiple times on TV, has won several youth advocate awards, and was honored at the GLAAD Media Awards for her work.

---

31. Brandi Ahzionae

Ahzionae is a hair stylist and community builder in Washington, DC who was featured in JET Magazine this year. She is the creator of the DMV Trans Circulator, which “is directly responsible for spreading information within the trans community” and building connections between trans people in and out of prison. By standing up and being a notable voice for African-American trans women, she is helping to change the way media and society views trans women of color.

---

32. Jen Richards and Angelica Ross, roommates

Richards is a writer, organizer and master of the internet. She’s the creator of We Happy Trans and one of the directors of The Trans 100, (which was founded by Toni D’orsay, another #herocrush worthy trans woman) both of which highlight positive stories within the transgender community. Ross is a speaker, singer/songwriter and activist. She is the coordinator of the TransWorks program, which is an “employment initiative geared towards the economic empowerment of transgender and gender non-conforming people.”

---

33. Mia Tu Mutch

A program assistant at LYRIC (Lavender Youth Recreation and Information Center) in San Francisco, Mutch works hard to make things better for queer youth in the Bay Area. She has also fought for “racial justice, LGBTQ equality, affordable housing, street safety, and much more” in her community. She also works as the Chair of the Housing LGBTQ and TAY Committee of the San Francisco Youth Commission.

---

34. Danielle Castro, Maria Roman and Arianna Inurritegui-Lint, Latina Activists

Three of the honorees on the Honor41 list, which looks at 41 Latin@s who are role models in the LGBTQ community. Inurritegui-Lint is East Chair for TransLatin@ Coalition and works with the Florida Health Department in the HIV/AIDS community. Roman is an actress, beauty queen and Risk Reduction Counselor in Los Angeles who works toward HIV prevention and transgender rights. Castro is the Community Mobilization Specialist at The Center of Excellence for Transgender Health in San Francisco and works as an HIV test counselor and transgender cultural sensitivity training educator.

---

35. Reina Gossett

Gossett is the Director of Membership at the Sylvia Rivera Law Project, working to build community there. She speaks out and writes out for the rights of trans and gender non-conforming people to be in charge of their own genders and advocates for the remembrance and celebration of trans history. She is a powerful advocate for trans people of color and a strong voice for trans victims of prison and police brutality.

I’m sure I left off a ton of awesome, amazing and world-changing trans women, so if I left you off, please forgive me. Who do you think should be added to this list?

15 Fears I Faced in 2013, With a Little Help From Autostraddle

I’m a person riddled with anxiety, depression and just overall fear. In the past, these fears have prevented me from doing all sorts of things. In high school I was too afraid to make new friends or go to school dances. In college I was too afraid to join clubs or find help about how to come out. After college I was too afraid to travel or follow my passions. My life is also filled with fears that don’t have as profound an effect. I’m scared of whales, spiders, shadows that look like people, the game “Bloody Mary” and raw cookie dough (or really anything with raw eggs because of salmonella).

It’s not easy telling thousands of people all the weird little (and big) things I’m afraid of. I know a lot of these fears are unfounded and irrational, but that hasn’t stopped them from holding me back. This year, however, I started facing those fears. Thanks in a huge part to Autostraddle, I started living the life I’ve dreamed of for the first time ever.

---

 1. Transitioning

If you know me from places other than here, you’re probably thinking, “wait, didn’t she start coming out as trans two years ago?” While that is true, I didn’t fully come out until last October, and even then I was still extremely afraid of a lot of things I knew I would be getting into. The truth is, I still am. If one thing really helped me to start feeling comfortable about it, it would have to be the writing that Annika did for AS. When I heard that she was going to take an indefinite break from writing, I was sad, but I understood. Reading her farewell article reassured me that I would be okay. It also let me know that I could find a great, welcoming and affirming community at Autostraddle.

---

2. Sharing my writing

I’ve wanted to be a writer ever since elementary school, but when writing didn’t come as easily for me as other things in school did, I was afraid people would laugh at me for it. Because of this I never really stretched my writer’s wings or submitted things I had written anywhere. When I did write (which wasn’t very often), I kept it to myself. Then I saw that Autostraddle — already one of my favorite websites — was putting out a call for articles written by trans women, and I knew this was my chance. I started writing, submitted to the trans*scribe series, had my first article published and never looked back.

---

3. Talking about being fat

Aside from the dysphoria and other negative body images that come from being trans, I also have a bunch of issues that come from being fat. I’ve been trying to be body positive and embrace my body, and over on my tumblr I’ve posted little slogans and rallying cries like “fat femmes forever” when I want to feel good about myself, but it wasn’t until I wrote about being fat and trans that I really took a good look at my feelings. Getting those feelings out in the open and seeing the reaction and the support I got made me feel better about myself than I ever thought I could.

---

4. Following my passions

When I was an English major in college, I said I would probably end up going to graduate school and eventually become a teacher (which is a totally awesome thing if you want to do it) even though that’s not something I ever wanted. Writing was what I was passionate about, but I thought people would think it was silly or immature. Despite being published a few times on Autostraddle, I still thought I’d never be more than a once-in-a-while casual writer.

I wanted so badly to be able to write regularly and have an official position here that I literally had dreams about it. On the night of June 25th, I dreamed that the website announced they were looking for new Contributing Editors. Then, on June 27th, Autostraddle actually did announce that they were hiring new Contributing Editors. Now that I get to tell people I work for Autostraddle, I’m proud of where my life is. I might be weird and depressed and nerdy, but I get to be a part of one of the most amazing teams of people I’ve ever met, doing something that I’ve dreamed about doing for years and years.

---

5. Coming out to old teachers

The only people I’ve really come out to are the ones I see on a regular basis. But when we published a roundtable about teachers who were influential in our queer stories, I decided to face my fears and email my favorite professor from college. Up until that point, I had very purposefully kept my current life separate from the person I was in college. That was before I came out, that was before I became the person I am today, and I always thought it would make my life too complicated, too confusing to mix the two. When I did finally mix them and let my teacher know just how influential she had been in my life, I realized that I had nothing to worry about. Even if things were a little more complicated, they were definitely better.

---

6. Robots

Well, let’s be clear, the only robots I’m not afraid of anymore are fictional ones. I’m still deathly afraid of real-life robots, like the drones Amazon is planning on using. Thanks to my column, Drawn to Comics, I’ve been reading some great webcomics about robots, and they’ve softened my stance a little bit. I still refuse to watch WALL-E though.

---

7. Wearing leggings as pants

I’ve loved leggings for a long time. I wear them with dresses, with skirts and even with those pieces of clothing that are somewhere in between shirts and dresses. I’ve loved it when other people wear them as pants, but I’ve alway been afraid to try it myself. My body isn’t built like most of the bodies that leggings are marketed to. My body is not built like most of the bodies that society deems attractive. Most of the clothes marketed towards women with bodies like me are designed specifically to hide my curves and outlines. Then I read something that gave me all the courage I needed. Gabby’s words, even though they didn’t all apply to me, made me want to femme up, face my fears and go out in leggings for the first time. It was definitely the right decision and one that I’ll continue to make.

---

8. Eating hummus

This might seem like an irrational fear (and it is), but there are a lot of fairly common foods that I’ve been afraid to try. I’m not the pickiest eater, but the foods I don’t like tend to be very popular (like cottage and cream cheese) and I’ve always been afraid that if I tried a food and didn’t like it, I would offend people and lose friends. Again, I realize that I probably wouldn’t lose friends if I ended up not liking hummus, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was still hugely afraid that this would happen. Luckily, when I tried hummus for the first time at A-Camp, I thought it was pretty good and I didn’t lose any friends.

---

9. Flying

Being afraid to fly has prevented me from going out of state for college, it’s prevented me from traveling around the country or the globe, it’s prevented me from visiting people I love. When I got invited to be a part of A-Camp this past May, the only way I could go was if I flew. So, I gathered up all my strength, packed my bags and went to the airport. Even though I’ve now cried at airports twice this year, hyperventilated in the LAX bathroom and had some of the most stressful days of my life, I would happily do it again if it meant I had the chance to go back to the wonderful place that is A-Camp.

---

10. Dancing in public

All throughout high school I managed to avoid school dances. I felt uncomfortable in my body and didn’t want other people to see how awkward and disjointed my movements would be. Even more, I was afraid that people would look at me or try to dance with me, and I couldn’t stand the thought of people being that close to a body that I hated. When I got to A-Camp and I found out that there was dancing, I was both excited and terrified. When I did dance, I realized how much I had been missing. There are few things as fun as dancing with all your friends and few things as life-affirming as having a handsome butch dance with you.

---

11. Drinking in public

I’d always told people that I didn’t drink because I didn’t know how alcohol would interact with my anti-seizure medication (which is partially true), but a bigger reason was that I was afraid that with my inhibitions down I would out myself. I was afraid that I would act too girly or too queer and I wouldn’t be able to take it back. Being at A-Camp made it so I didn’t have to worry about those things any more. No one here would judge me for being queer or trans — instead they celebrated those things about me.

---

12. Embracing selfies

If you follow me on tumblr, you’ll notice that I really started ramping up my selfie game this year. I also signed up on Instagram and started posting a bunch of pictures to Facebook. I used to be afraid that I would post a ton of selfies and no one would care, or even worse, they would react negatively. I was also afraid that people would think I was conceited and self-centered (and when I started posting selfies I did get people telling me that). Now I realize that it’s okay to care about and celebrate my self. A lot of the time for me that means taking selfies.

---

13. Wearing a bodysuit

Bodysuits are kind of like leggings for your whole body, so if leggings weren’t designed for my body-type, bodysuits definitely weren’t. That didn’t mean my desire to add bodysuits to my closet was any less — I’ve wanted the courage to wear for a long time.  It wasn’t until I needed a last-minute Halloween costume and remembered Lizz’s great post about bodysuits that I decided to finally wear mine out.

---

14. Commenting on internet articles

Sharing my opinions with people I don’t really know has always been hard for me. I can’t even count the times I’ve straddled the fence on simple issues like “what did you think of the new Lord of the Rings movie?” or “what restaurant do you want to go to?” So for me, the idea of commenting on an article where everyone could see it was absolutely petrifying. Then I started to pay closer attention to the people who comment at AS. I noticed what a great community they formed and I started to feel a little better about it. Eventually I got up the courage to start adding my two cents and now I love everyone who makes up the comment boards, and I love being a part of it.

---

15. Wearing red lipstick and liquid eyeliner

I’ve wanted to try mastering the arts of red lipstick and liquid eyeliner since I started wearing makeup. I never took that step, though, because I was afraid that if I wore liquid eyeliner, fake eyelashes and red lipstick everyday, people would accuse me of playing into stereotypes or reinforcing the gender binary. Now, don’t get me wrong, I wanted to wear this makeup, I really wanted to. My makeup is a big part of my femme identity. The problem was that I had all sorts of people telling me that if I wore too much makeup, I wouldn’t look queer enough, or that “all trans women wear a lot of makeup at first, you’ll grow out of it.” While I didn’t agree and still wanted to wear makeup, in my heart I was afraid they were right.

If I hadn’t stumbled upon Vanessa’s amazing article on queering makeup, I probably wouldn’t be the femme I am today. The idea that it was an act of queer revolution to wear my makeup and practice my skills strengthened my resolve and fortified my queer heart. Reading that there are plenty of other queer women who wear makeup as a subversive and self-affirming act was exactly what I needed to move forward in my femme journey and my life.

---

What fears did you face in 2013? Did AS help?

More Than Words: The Year In Words 2013

It’s the end of the year, and everyone’s throwing together Word Of The Year lists. While most of them are full of politically and socially loaded choices (and have spawned a million articles that take the bait), as I clicked through them, I felt something was missing. And then it hit me: they weren’t linguistically loaded enough. A true word of the year comments on itself.

Once I had my criteria in place, I couldn’t pick just one word. There are so many I didn’t get to write about this year. I also felt suddenly limited by the idea — what about a phrase of the year, or a dialect, or a trend? With the exception of April, during which nothing happened, 2013 was full of wordy happenings. People in positions of authority began to understand that what we call things affects how we think about them. The mainstream media’s gaffes magnified mistakes that are woven so deeply into our society, they come out of our anchor’s mouths practically unbidden. The words we popularized by correcting those errors rose to a prominence that was long overdue. AND: Disney tried to copyright Dia De Los Muertos.

Come on this journey with me, please. I can’t do it alone.

JANUARY

In January, Congress’s Gang of Eight unveiled the draft framework of what eventually became the Border Security, Economic Opportunity, and Immigration Modernization Act of 2013. Careful observers noticed that, within the framework’s bulleted hopes and dreams, there was a broader change — the bill’s language contained hardly any references to “illegal immigrants,” instead using terms like “undocumented” and “unauthorized.” Although activists, the National Association for Hispanic Journalists, and all sorts of other decent people have been calling for this change for years, the final squeeze probably came courtesy of a memo from The Hispanic Leadership Network, an “advocacy action group” led by Jeb Bush that “focuses on engaging the Hispanic community on center-right policies.” The memo urged GOP members to “consider tonally sensitive messaging points” when speaking about immigration issues (compare this with a strategic memo from 2005, which instead instructed Republicans to “Always refer to people crossing the border illegally as “illegal immigrants” — NOT as “illegals”).

Was this a sign of true (if achingly slow) change on the Hill? Or just another example of improved rhetoric masking bad actions? If this immigration bill ever reaches the House, maybe we’ll be able to tell. But if, as undocumented journalist and activist Jose Antonio Vargas puts it, “language belongs to the people whose stories are being told,” it sounds like at least some people are listening — at least enough to make the pollsters run scared.

FEBRUARY

February saw the release of a study examining the differences between how men and women tweet. Some linguists and computer scientists from Carnegie Mellon University combed through the life’s work of about 14,000 twitterers and looked for trends. Although their methodology and conclusions were kind of interesting (men swear more! women tennnnd to lengthennnn their writttennnn speeeeechhhh!), the study was notable on a larger scale for launching a torrent of news stories that dumbed it down and said nothing interesting.

This pattern would repeat throughout the year, as we were treated to media freakouts about uptalk and the reanimation of an old, dead, totally false nugget wherein a study of baby rats was reinterpreted to mean that women talk three times as much as men. Lazy journalists love men’s brains/women’s brains stories not because they give us an opportunity to consider ways in which society trains our brain’s wires to cross, but because they provide “scientific” explanations for behavior that people don’t want to change anyway, as well as endless opportunities to make jokes about how women hate football and men can’t do the dishes, am I right!? What if we had less of that in 2014, I wonder.

MARCH

In March, the Steubenville sexual assault trial turned the mainstream news media into a monthlong nightmare. Some outlets took the opportunity to literally use words for evil — several revealed the name of the victim, while a CNN anchor expressed sympathy for “two young men that had such promising futures… who literally watched as they believed their life fell apart,” violently missing the point. On the other hand, some of the coverage did its job well. Although the term “rape culture” was first popularized by feminists in the 1970s, March 2013 was when many people (including me!) first became aware of — if not the idea itself — a concise way to express it. Google Trends shows that the phrase’s search frequency spiked the week of March 17th, and stories everywhere from The Nation to Forbes didn’t shy away from the concept. I’m glad — I think it’s the most useful word I learned this year.

APRIL

MAY

In May, The Walt Disney Company quietly filed papers to trademark the phrase “Dia De Los Muertos” “across several platforms” including clothing, books, breakfast cereals, fruit preserves, jewelry, fanny packs, binoculars, and snow globes. Don’t worry, this paragraph is really short! After an immediate outcry, Disney withdrew the patent applications, saying that they’d changed the title of the film that had inspired the patents so they didn’t need them anymore. Way to be little mouses about it, Disney.

JUNE

In June, the Oxford English Dictionary and Microsoft Word’s in-program dictionary both added the word “transphobia” to their pages. The word appears in the 2013 edition of each, defined as “an extreme and irrational aversion to transsexuality and transsexual or transgender people.” The addition was inspired by a petition by the GRIN Campaign that garnered over 9,000 signatures. The OED is well-respected and sourced constantly — many treat it like a giant cube of pure authority. And everyone knows how that red squiggly Microsoft Word underline can make you doubt your own last name. It’s great that now neither of them erase a real problem by excluding this important word.

JULY

The Year of Horrible Trials continued in July, as George Zimmerman was found not guilty of murdering Trayvon Martin, the young black man that he murdered. Many media outlets turned the whole thing into a sideshow act, but they were especially brutal to Rachel Jeantel, a friend of Martin and the prosecution’s star witness. Many viewers were also less than kind. Brittney Cooper wrote brilliantly at Salon about how Jeantel’s way of speaking, and common reactions to it, could be read as yet another microcosm of how we deal with race in America:

“[Cultural] grammars rely on language, on a way of speaking and communicating, to give them power. And Rachel Jeantel has her own particular, idiosyncratic black girl idiom, a mashup of her Haitian and Dominican working-class background, her U.S. Southern upbringing, and the three languages — Hatian Kreyol (or Creole), Spanish and English — that she speaks. The unique quality of her black vernacular speaking style became hypervisible against the backdrop of powerful white men fluently deploying corporate, proper English in ways that she could not do.  The way they spoke to her was designed not only to discredit her, but to condescend to and humiliate her… What we witnessed with Jeantel was a deliberate attempt by the defense to mis-hear and misunderstand her… Given the hostile and combative space into which she entered, a space in which she had to fight for the integrity of her own words, combativeness seems like the most appropriate posture.”

AUGUST

In August, Chelsea Manning released a statement in which she came out as trans*. In the statement, she requested that everyone refer to her by her preferred name and pronouns. This is very easy (as The Cut pointed out, it’s less of a change than typing Snoop Lion), and is also good journalism, but sadly, a lot of people were really bad at it, including ABC News, CBS News, The New York Times, and Reuters. Amanda Marcotte on Slate’s XX Blog explained that, for many, it was difficult to “refer to Manning’s gender in a way that balances respect for the right of individuals to determine their own gender identity with the need for clarity in reporting.” However, that is literally a reporter’s job (and many stylebooks provide good guidelines!). So hopefully people will start doing their jobs someday. Maybe in 2014, even. Props to Manning for blazing yet another trail  — regardless of how you feel about the legality of her actions, she’s proven herself to be brave in about 2349320 different ways.

SEPTEMBER

In September, The New York Times released an interactive feature called “What Was, Is, and Will Be Popular.” Along with socioneuropoliticoculturogrammatical analyses of everything from the Black Eyed Peas to Snickers Bars, this included a list of “The Most Popular Pet Names in America” and “The Most Popular Baby Names in NYC.”

Everyone in the entire world sent me this infographic, just like everyone in the entire world sent me the New York Times Dialect Quiz and those colorful map gifs where you can see what baby names were popular during different decades. This sparked a lot of thoughts about how closely language and identity are entwined — we’re endlessly fascinated by how we have this name because we’re from this place, or this decade; how our upbringing has cursed us with accents we will or won’t cop to. Of course, it’s all more complicated than an interactive can understand.

OCTOBER

In October, a Portland-based dance-rock band called The Slants, which has a huge Asian-American fanbase and is made up entirely of Asian-American musicians, duked it out with the US Patent and Trademark Office in a federal circuit court. It wasn’t the first time and it won’t be the last — The Slants have been trying to trademark their name since 2009, but the USPTO has refused on the grounds that it’s “scandalous” and derogatory. Bassist Simon Tam says that this read on the word is itself racist, as a slant can be many things:

“In fact, the implication is that if we weren’t Asian, there wouldn’t be any problems because people wouldn’t associate our name with an obscure racial slur… And while it’s true that the people in the band can be identified by a band’s name, it doesn’t necessarily mean that the members literally embody the name of the band. No one thinks ‘The Rolling Stones‘  are literal masses of undulating rock or that ‘Led Zeppelin‘ is a metallic reincarnation of the Hindenburg blimp.”

Even if they agreed with the USPTO’s specific definition of the word, they should still have a case. Reclamation is a powerful, legitimate, and increasingy visible way for a community to deal with oppression, and the patent office seems confused about when and where it applies this argument. The band lost their October case, but will likely appeal it — keep an eye on their Facebook page for updates. And for more background about slurs, reclamation, and US patents, feel free to check out this earlier More Than Words about Dykes On Bikes, who eventually won a similar battle.

NOVEMBER

In November, Miami Dolphin Richie Incognito, who is white, was suspended indefinitely after using what is widely regarded as the #1 worst racial slur. Over the next couple of weeks, several other people of varying races also used this word, sparking what Ta-Nehisi Coates described as “a fairly regular ritual debate” over who is allowed to say it. Coates’s essay was the best thing to come out of all this and I’m going to link it and NOT excerpt it so that you read the whole thing. Here it is.

DECEMBER

It’s now December, and still the words come flying thick and fast and show no sign of stopping. So many terrible, wonderful words! On the terrible side, we have “affluenza,” a word that means something along the lines of “what happens when you’re so rich that you no longer care about anything real.” The word has been invented many times, most recently by a sociologist in 2001 in order to describe a scary phenomenon, and also to sell books. This month, it was invoked by an expert witness who testified during the trial of a teenager from a very wealthy family who killed four people while driving drunk. The teenager was sent to a treatment facility instead of jail. While this idea — that being cushioned from consequences your whole life can seriously mess with your sense of humanity — probably has something to it, it’s probably best not to treat affluenza by continuing to cushion its “sufferers” from consequences on an institutional level. At least everyone’s baffled reactions have quickly given the word the satirical bent it should have had from the beginning.

In better news, earlier this month marked the first-ever White House summit on drug policy reform, during which psychiatrist and recovery research expert John Kelly urged policymakers to rethink the way they talk about the people they are supposed to be helping. “The rhetoric and language of ‘the war on drugs’ talks about ‘abuse’ and ‘abusers,’” Kelly explained. “The new movement, toward smarter criminal justice and a more public health approach, needs to look at it as a medical condition and talk about it as ‘substance use disorder,’ which is more accurate medical terminology.”

Disease terminology for actual diseases! It’s so crazy it just might work. I look forward to finding out in 2014.

---

This has been the twenty-seventh installment of More Than Words, where I take queer words of all sorts and smash them apart and see what makes them tick. Every week I dissect a different word, trying to figure out where it came from, how it has evolved, where it might be going, and what it all means. It’s like reading the dictionary through a prism. Feel free to send word suggestions to cara@autostraddle.com.

Header by Rory Midhani

Queer View Mirror: Five Important News Topics We Talked About in 2013

There’s a post going around Tumblr right now that pretty accurately sums up how I feel about this year. It’s one of those unformatted, semi-snarky text posts clearly designed to get a lot of notes, but I can’t deny identifying with the sentiment: “2013 was my character development year which means 2014 is strictly action and story progression and i dont know about you but i’m excited.”

That’s also how I feel about much of the work that was done in various queer communities this year: There was a lot of development and organizing and education and campaigning and so, so much important vocalizing of needs. We may not have gotten everything accomplished that we wanted to, but in many spheres, from reproductive rights to same-sex marriage to conversion therapy to trans* visibility, we’ve set the stage for real, concrete change in 2014.

I thought it would be a good exercise for this first edition of my weekly news column, Queer View Mirror, to reflect on some of the biggest things that happened in 2013 — what we were talking about, good and bad, for the last 12 months, and what we can reasonably expect to hear a lot more about in 2014. After this, QVM will be a recap of a single topic that’s been in the news that week, including historical background and some more forward-thinking stuff. But for now, let’s talk character development!

1. DOMA Dies, Everyone Puts a Ring On It

When my home state of Illinois was considering legalizing same-sex marriage in May, it would have been the tenth state to do so. By the time it finally did in November, it was the fifteenth. Adding New Mexico and Utah, which both legalized marriage via court ruling this month, makes eight U.S. states where same-sex couples can get married today that couldn’t one year ago. Marriage is definitely not the be-all, end-all of equality for LGBTQ people, but for many, it is a legal status critical to protecting their families. For others, it’s simply something they want to do, and barring them from it is becoming increasingly legally indefensible. There’s also something to be said for how legalized discrimination — and the lack thereof — impacts public perception of said group.

The impetus behind legalization in many states has been the collapse of the Defense of Marriage Act, the federal act prohibiting same-sex unions, which was defeated largely by this June’s Supreme Court ruling in the case of Windsor v. United States. We’ve written quite a bit about the story of Edie Windsor and her wife Thea Spyer, who upon her death left Windsor a large inheritance that was promptly taxed by the government, which did not recognize their legal marriage. Windsor’s subsequent challenge of discrimination made it all the way to the Supreme Court, which effectively gutted the law when it ruled that using DOMA to bar same-sex couples from federal benefits and protections is unconstitutional. Many state courts have taken the ruling as reason enough to invalidate their own laws barring same-sex marriage, and even where appeals are pending (as in Utah, where a judge has ruled marriages may continue while the state makes its case), marriage equality advocates are hopeful. Though all polls should be taken with a grain of salt, it is encouraging that a number of surveys this year found for the first time a majority of support for same-sex marriage among Americans, and it seems judges and politicians are finally beginning to follow suit.

2. LGBTQ Groups Demand Rights Worldwide

Marriage battles have broken out across the rest of the world, too, and they’ve often been just as erratic abroad as in the U.S. In July, Queen Elizabeth II approved a bill to legalize same-sex marriage in England and Wales, but not the rest of the United Kingdom. Costa Rica’s legislature accidentally passed a bill legalizing same-sex unions, but so far courts have declined to enforce it as such. In Australia, a High Court decision this month invalidated a piece of legislation from October that had legalized same-sex marriage in the Australian Capital Territory. Unlike in the U.S., where couples who marry during brief periods of legalization have been allowed to stay married after the laws are challenged, Australian couples who married during the last two months have been stripped of their licenses. Blargh. France legalized marriage equality after an outbreak of antigay attacks and expressions of homophobia, though many couples have found it still doesn’t protect their unions. But sure victories have been won in Brazil, New Zealand, Uruguay, Colombia and France.

But marriage isn’t the only right LGBTQ people have to fight for, and in many places the much more basic right to exist without fear of attack or harassment is still unsecured — and in most cases, these situations are direct results of current or former western and western colonialist influences. In Uganda, for example, a long-debated bill punishing homosexuality with life imprisonment has passed; a similarly draconian law in Nigeria was rubber-stamped this month and now awaits only a presidential signature. India’s Supreme Court overturned a 2009 law decriminalizing homosexuality, infuriating those in the country who had hoped the original legislation would be a stepping stone to greater security, recognition, and legal rights. In South Africa, where LGBTQ equality was written into the constitution but still struggles for societal support, the death of Nelson Mandela combined with mounting antigay stances among politicians has many activists worried that violence against queer people — particularly “corrective rape” of lesbians, a disturbing trend in the country — will soon increase.

In other ways, though, solid gains have been made. Ireland got an anti-bullying measure for its LGBTQ schoolkids, a French lesbian couple won the right to adopt children together and South and Southeast Asia saw queer visibility skyrocket. Trans* people are coming out and getting more acceptance in some areas, and countries like Germany and Australia allowing people avoid male or female labels on some official documents. A couple of places saw their first-ever pride celebrations, including Gujarat, India, and Podgorica, Montenegro. Serbia held its third annual pride parade despite an official ban on doing so.

3. Visibility Increases for Trans* People, But Doesn’t End Violence Against Trans* Women

Trans* people, and women especially, have made a mark on the public sphere this year, whether through representation on popular television shows or through horrifying cases of assault and mistreatment in the justice system. Though not everyone is doing it right (many are getting it really, really wrong) some media outlets are trying harder to properly address trans* people in their coverage of these events. Laverne Cox and CeCe McDonald both made my list of top queer women of 2013, and commenters on that story pointed out a handful of other trans* women who could have easily joined them, including Chelsea Manning, Janet Mock and Laura Jane Grace. Some young trans* people are demanding and winning legal protections in schools, and parents are creating more safe spaces for their gender nonconforming children. Even in countries where anti-trans* sentiment is strong, trans* communities are growing and speaking out against violence. Everywhere you look, trans* individuals are demanding recognition, and not as the demeaning caricatures they’ve long been associated with.

But these are baby steps — important baby steps, but baby steps. The pressure is on to guide those new to representing trans* folk — I’m looking at you, Two And A Half Men — are doing it in a respectful, informed way. But still, shows like Glee and movies like Dallas Buyer’s Club, which consider themselves allies to trans* folks and are lauded as such, are failing miserably to offer positive and constructive portraits of trans* life or to include trans* folks in the development or execution of their work. In this way, trans* media representation is presently not dissimilar to where gay and lesbian media representation was at in the ’80s.

I’ve seen people like Cox and Mock and our own Autostraddle writers who have made sure that at least some of the discussions going on about trans* people are done with care as well as a critical eye. Still, there is a lot of ground left to cover, particularly when it comes to stopping anti-trans violence and making the LGBTQ rights movement as inclusive as its acronym suggests.

Trans* women, especially trans* women of color, still face terrifying amounts of violence, and little chance of seeing justice for their attackers. The murders of women like Islan Nettles, Domonique Newburn, Brittany Stergis, Betty Skinner, Amari Hill, Eyricka Morgan, Kelly Young, Ashley Sinclair, Cemia Dove, Diamond Williams, and many more show us that in some ways, the most important takeaway when it comes to trans* issues in 2013 may be how far we still have to go. Charges against Nettles’ murderer were recently dropped, and many of these murders aren’t being classified as hate crimes; it’s clear that as a culture we have a lot more work to do in making sure trans women and trans women of color are safe, and for the legal system to hold someone accountable when they’re not. This was the year that saw increased outrage over trans* women’s mistreatment in prisons, but not a solution to their problems. And that should be the goal for next year — to take all this knowledge and anger and turn it into concrete change.

4. Sochi Olympics Could Be the Best or Worst Thing to Happen to Gays in Russia

The Olympics are headed to Sochi, Russia in 2014, and, given the country’s dangerous and repressive laws against gay “propaganda”, the world isn’t sure what to do about it. President Barack Obama is skipping the Olympics but sending LGBTQ Americans in his place. Gays are boycotting Russian vodka (although the impact of this move is up for debate). International celebrities are facing sanction to wave rainbow flags during trips to the country. Many are calling for a complete boycott, similar to the 1936 Berlin games. Athletes are coming out in droves and assuring the world they’ll compete in Sochi anyway. Still, Russia is cementing its stance as a homophobe’s heaven by passing laws.  In the meantime, Russia’s laws have spurred horrific attacks against gay teens (who, uhh, don’t deserve protecting, apparently). There has been some hope that the government is softening its anti-gay stance, but then everyone started second-guessing that as a political tactic to make the Olympics a success. Until we hear more discussion (and more solid commitments) from Russian leaders, it’s hard to say what the best tactic is going into the games.

5. Everybody Comes Out

Coming out is a double-edged sword for most of us; for celebrities or people otherwise in the larger spotlight, it is even more loaded. Regardless, the backlash to coming out has changed radically. 2013 was a big year of coming out for politicians, actors, journalists, athletes, musicians, television and comic book characters, scientists and many, many more. Elsewhere, debate erupted on why we come out, when we should do it, what we say when we do and what it means if we don’t. Regardless of why or how we come out, though, doing so is an important personal and political act. It asserts our right to exist, reminds those who oppose us that we aren’t going anywhere. And if 2013 felt like we found a new fellow queer a day, I can’t wait to see what 2014 brings.

And that’s it! Well, it’s not everything, of course, but we’ll dive into more after the new year. For now, go pick out your best sparkly outfit, buy some champagne, and get ready to party. We made it through 2013! See you next year.

---

Queer View Mirror is a weekly news recap focusing on one topic per week. (Except this first one, which covers the whole year.) I’ll take you through the history of the topic, the most current events and where to go to learn more. Use what you read here to write a research paper, be a better blogger or impress people at parties. Or as an excuse to never read the newspaper again. You do you. If there’s something in particular you want to hear about, email kaitlyn@autostraddle.com and let me know!

Also.Also.Also: Jean Grae and The Rando Have Their Eyes on The “Harvard Lampoon” and Other Stories We Missed This Week

Hello, gingerbread cookies! IT’S THE BIG DAY. IT’S XXXMAS. AND THAT MEANS I’M SHARING THIS PHOTO ONE MORE TIME.

It also means nobody’s reporting on the news because I mean, HOLIDAYS! END-OF-YEAR-TOP-TEN-LISTS! Duh. But have no fear! ‘Twas the night before XXXMAS and all through the house, I gathered the stories we missed this week for you.

Congrats, Dot-Marie!

Glee star Dot-Marie Jones got married this weekend. TO A WOMAN, Y’ALL! Bridgett Casteen and Dot-Marie were married Saturday night in their Los Angeles home and managed to get their friends to show up by punking them into thinking they were throwing a holiday party. NOPE! IT’S A CELEBRATION OF LOVE, BITCHES!

https://twitter.com/bridgettamanda/statuses/414463373367980032

Meet The Rando

Ari Fitz (the one and only) has created a special space just for you and her and anyone else perusing YouTube called The Rando. Subscribe now and the big news is sure to come later! And to think: you’ll be the first to know.

The Court of Love

+ Texas can keep up the homophobia thing as long as they want – but once the SCOTUS cuts in, it’s likely they’ll get what’s coming to them.

+ The lawyer defending Pennsylvania’s gay marriage ban has invasively and biphobically demanded the plaintiffs challenging the law reveal their sexual histories – including whether or not they’ve ever had different-sex sexual relations.

+ The floodgates to gay marriage have been opened in Ohio.

+ Uganda’s law allowing homos to rot in prison for life just for being who they are has passed.

Jean Grae on Your Screen, Tonight!

Tonight. 8PM. It’s all happening. And it’s all at jeangrae.com.

https://twitter.com/JeanGreasy/statuses/415158224208547840

Read It And Weep

+ An African-American woman is about to become the head honcho at the hilarious “Harvard Lampoon.” I’m psyched. And so is B, who sent me this link.

WILKINSON: Well, it kind of, in a lot of ways – not only being a member of The Lampoon and now the president – sort of hit home just because “SNL” was one of the few shows I was allowed to watch. Growing up I wasn’t allowed to watch, like, “Seinfeld” and “The Simpsons” and a lot of things that sort of inform Lampoon writers’ sensibility. But I was allowed to watch “SNL” if I stayed up late enough. And so, like, Maya Rudolph and, you know, Kenan Thompson and all those people meant a lot to me. And so the discussion definitely made me think more about representation and what it means in comedy.

And honestly, as a writer, I think we pay a lot of attention to the performative aspect of comedy, but as far as the number of performers go, there’s way more gender and race equality in performance of comedy than there has ever been in writing. Like, no one is paying attention to the fact that, like, there are absolutely, like, no people of color writing for – and, like, shows – a lot of shows that are predominately black don’t have any writers of color in the writers room. And to me, that’s insane, like, it’s 2013. And so those are sort of things that I get more riled up about.

+ It’s here! THEM, the first-ever trans* literary journal in the nation, is FINALLY HERE.

Founding editor Jos Charles sees the magazine as a form of resistance, with its publication aiming to create a space where trans* folks can interact and speak their minds—even when what they have to say is complicated and controversial. “Television, porn, literary journals, personal blogs, all propagate narratives and symbols about who trans* folks are,” says Charles. “Typically, folks like to conflate our differences and squeeze us all into one discernible narrative… Cis readers seem to really like seeing us [either] happy or dead. I would like THEM to be a place where that narrative can be upset—whether by exploring other stories or contextualizing the familiar ones.”

You can read it online.

Romi Tells The Truth to GO

It’s Christmas, and on Christmas you tell the truth. So here goes.

Bisexual Real L Word star Romi’s divorcing husband Dusty, and says she’s primarily interested in dating women and/or being single now.

F*ck This Shit

Just when you thought the world had failed you enough, you find out that two years ago Rachel Bradshaw-Bean was sent to disciplinary school for “public lewdness” because she’d reported her rape to the proper authorities, who also – by the by – failed to act.

Surprise! Women Make Diversity Happen

Well, it’s official. Bringing women into the boardroom sparks more gender diversity. This concludes today’s segment, Common Fucking Sense.

Dashing Through the Snow, in a One-Horse Open… Wait.

This snowperson bouncy house was spotted outside the Navy Pier in Chicago. Nothing to see here.

Just chillin’ like the typical snowperson it is, it’s just out to bring people joy and – wait a second.

THAT SNOWPERSON HAS A VAGINA, AND IT IS THE ENTRANCE TO THE BOUNCY HOUSE. And it’s all been confirmed by Jezebel.

According to my friend Julie who shared this photo, “The other awesome thing about this that you can’t see in the picture is that it was really hard and intimidating for the kids to get in the vagina because it was a huge wind tunnel. So a dude had to hold it open and they had to barrel in against the strong wind blowing out.”

Happy holigays, y’all.

10 Women Who Could Have Been The Advocate’s “Person of the Year”

Last week, The Advocate named Pope Francis its 2013 “Person of the Year,” much like TIME Magazine named him their Person of the Year, for reasons that don’t seem to be much more substantial than the fact that he’s said some kind of decent things about LGBT people, things The Advocate hopes the 1.2 billion Catholics worldwide might agree with and thus be influenced into compassion. I won’t go into all the arguments about why their pick is a bad one — the rest of the internet has already done that for me — but I thought it would be a good exercise in positivity to instead look at 10 women from inside our queer communities who would have been better picks. Because this is Autostraddle, I’ve limited the list to LGBTQ women, and also because this is Autostraddle, I want to hear who you think I missed. Part of the purpose here is to highlight how very many women there are out there doing incredible work despite the fact that they rarely get the recognition they deserve, so when you inevitably think of someone who had an incredible year but isn’t named here, please let me know in the comments. Let’s make this a real celebration of all we’ve accomplished in 2013! A few days after the initial announcement, The Advocate doubled down on its decision, acknowledging the widespread criticism of the choice but ultimately reaffirming the hope that applauding Francis’s steps so far would push him into advocating further acceptance. But I’ll say I hope The Advocate keeps reading its critics, including this list, so they don’t repeat this act of erasure next year. And if not? Well, I’ll be around to make a new list of the important queer ladies of 2014.

---

Laverne Cox, Actress and Trans* Activist

In addition to being arguably the best part of everyone’s new favorite show, Orange is the New Black, actress Laverne Cox spent 2013 educating the world on trans* issues, advocating for trans* people in the prison systems, befriending Melissa Harris-Perry and just generally winning our hearts. She is currently the only transgender actress playing a transgender character on a TV show, an accomplishment that would be enough to get her on this list even if she hadn’t done any of those other things.

---

CeCe McDonald, Trans* Activist and Prisoner

After defending herself against a transphobic and racist attack outside a bar in 2011, McDonald was charged with second degree murder (she pleaded down to second degree manslaughter) in the death of one of her attackers. She was subsequently sentenced to 41 months in prison. Her prospects in the prison system, from correct placement to hormone therapy, were abysmal from the start, but McDonald has put on a brave face, telling press, “I’ve faced worse things in my life than prison.” This month, we learned that none other than Laverne Cox is working on a documentary, called “Free Cece,” about McDonald’s story. Cox interviewed McDonald from the men’s prison facility where she is being held, and that’s only the most recent example of McDonald speaking out from behind bars. If her actions so far are any indicator, she’ll she’ll continue her activism even after her eventual release.

---

Brittney Griner, WNBA Player

Approximately two seconds after joining the Phoenix Mercury as the 2013 WNBA Top Draft Pick, Brittney Griner came out publicly. She went on to appear on the cover of ESPN Magazine, attend the GLAAD Awards, be featured by Elle Magazine (and basically every other publication in the country), sign a contract with Nike, become a style icon and maybe probably find time to play some basketball, too? Just guessing here. Very few professional athletes come out even after going into retirement, so Griner’s choice to discuss her sexuality just as her career was starting is truly a brave one. The 6’8, bow-tie-wearing, tattoo-sporting Griner isn’t fazed, though, telling USA Today, “When you’re doing something good and you’re on top, someone’s always going to have something bad to say.”

---

Kate McKinnon, Comedian

When she debuted on Saturday Night Live in April 2012, Kate McKinnon was only the third out gay cast member in the show’s history. But we’ve known McKinnon was hilarious since at least 2007, when she joined the original cast of Logo’s “Big Gay Sketch Show.” On SNL, she’s become a bit of a breakout star, proving time and again that you can’t really lose if you commit fully to even the most ridiculous of characters. If this BuzzFeed list isn’t enough to win you over, please watch her Ellen impression (performed on “Ellen,” of course) to fall in head over heels.

---

Fallon Fox, MMA Fighter

Fallon Fox’s coming-out interview has been fuel to the fiery debate over whether trans* athletes should be allowed to compete as the gender they identify with, but she hasn’t quit MMA fighting despite allegations that her past and transition give her an unfair advantage over cisgender women fighters. She may not have wanted to be a trans* icon, but when it became clear she was going to be outed, Fox took on the mantle anyway. She has continued to advocate for herself and for other trans* athletes, picking up sponsors and fighting back against near-incessant bullying.

---

Edie Windsor, Activist

Much has been written about Edie Windsor, the woman who sued the United States when they taxed her $363,000 on her inheritance when her wife, Thea Spyer, passed away in 2009. The couple had been together for 44 years and had married in Canada in 2007, but the government didn’t recognize the marriage and refused Windsor’s request for a spousal tax exemption. When Windsor won her case this June, it was a crucial blow for the federal Defense of Marriage Act, which the Department of Justice had ruled unconstitutional in 2011 but which various cases across the country have kept alive in fragments. While marriage is not the be-all, end-all for many people (queer and not), the recognition Windsor won for her marriage gives hope that same-sex marriages are on their way toward equal legal footing.

---

Mary Lambert, Musician

Singer-songwriter Mary Lambert spent 2013 proving she was much more than “that girl who sings on Macklemore’s ‘Same Love,’” and not just by releasing a full-length version of her verse from that single. Lambert’s portfolio of “heartbreak folk” songs and spoken word poetry reflect on her struggle to reconcile her Christian faith with her sexuality, body image and sexual abuse. Her music career took off this year — she’s signed with Capitol Records, performed at the VMAs, been nominated for a Grammy and released an EP, “Welcome to the Age of My Body,” just last week.

---

Diana Nyad, Swimmer

At age 64, Diana Nyad completed her long-held goal of swimming from Cuba to Florida. It was her fifth try — the fourth since she turned 60 — and she made it all 103 miles without the help of a shark cage. No, her 53-hour journey wouldn’t have been any different if she’d been straight instead of a lesbian, but Nyad has used her platform as a noted athlete to talk about her sexuality as well as the sexual abuse she experienced as a young woman. She’s an accomplished athlete and a role model for many.

---

Raven-Symone, Actress

After years of outside speculation and cryptic comments to the media, Raven-Symone officially came out this year to celebrate marriage equality in California. She’s also dating model and actress AzMarie Livingston, making me more jealous of a couple than I ever thought possible. It’s important that this former child star came out because many of us grew up with her, from her early days on The Cosby Show right on through The Cheetah Girls and That’s So Raven. Her coming out story, long and convoluted as it is, reflects the way many of us come out today: not with one big announcement, but through a series of affirmations about our beliefs and the people in our lives.

---

Sally Ride, Astronaut

It was only a year and a half ago that we learned through her obituary that Sally Ride, the first female astronaut to travel to space, had a 27-year-long relationship with a woman. Ride and Tam O’Shaughnessy were childhood friends and collaborated on books and other projects but kept their relationship as private as Ride’s fight with pancreatic cancer. This year, Ride was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the nation’s highest civilian honor, for her work as an astronaut, scientist and advocate for racial and gender equality in education. She may have kept much of her personal life very private, but Ride nonetheless made a huge impact on many young women growing up in the 80s, including our very own Riese.

Imagining a Better World For Trans Women Survivors Of Domestic Violence

I remember when I first met him I thought he was the most charming person I had ever met. I was wearing high top converse sneakers with those voluminous pants from Hot Topic. He was wearing a blue hoodie and worn jeans. He couldn’t look at me for the first 30 minutes of our first date. He was the perfect combination of shy and outgoing. He was so beautiful that a part of me wondered why he was even interested. I was too fat and too brown to be considered attractive and yet here was this person who was charming and funny and beautiful who wanted to be with me.

At the time, I was so lonely that I didn’t see the warning signs. The possessiveness. The way that he demanded I pick up my phone by the second ring. Feeling like I was walking on egg shells because I never knew what I would say that would set him off into a rage. The way he tried to isolate me from my friends because if I loved him, I would only spend time with him. The periods of tranquility where I would worry when the next outburst would be.

He never hit me. But he didn’t have to. I was under his control and I convinced myself that it wasn’t the case. I told myself that he did all of this because he loved me. Even though at the same time, he would go days without speaking to me because of some triviality and I would agonize, wondering what I could do to be better. Because it was always my fault.

It’s been 7 years since that relationship ended and it still impacts my relationships today. I find myself hiding parts of myself from the people that I love because I am afraid that if I reveal too much, they will use it against me like he did. I find myself constantly vigilant for those patterns of behavior even when I know that they are not there. I still struggle with the fear that if I express how I am feeling, that the whole relationship will fall apart.

The reach of intimate partner violence in my life still amazes me. Emotional violence in relationships leaves scars that are deep and knotted. It has taken years and lots of love, both self-love and love from others, in order to ease out the tension that ties up my body. But being a survivor has shown me how resilient I can be because I am still alive. I can take the shit that the world has thrown at me and turn it into a garden.

Now, I work as a hotline advocate for survivors of domestic violence. It is a hard job. On an average day, I will take around 30 calls and each call presents its own unique challenges and victories. I speak to callers in various stages of their escape of domestic violence, from the person who doesn’t even know they are being abused to the person who has been out of the relationship for 20 years. I often find myself at the end of the week all compassioned out.

I hear stories that are often much more lethal than my own — but I also wonder who I am not hearing from. More often than not, my callers are cis women in relationships with men. They come from different class backgrounds and while most of them are white, I do serve many women of color. Who I don’t hear from, however, are other trans women. There are many reasons for this but what I want to discuss here is the theoretical framing of domestic violence and how it excludes trans women.

We know that domestic violence happens in queer relationships at about the same rate that they occur in straight relationships. And while there hasn’t been any research yet about domestic violence and trans people, it seems like a logical step to think that the same holds true for us. But even without the research, I know that trans women are vulnerable to tremendous amount of violence.

Trans women of color are most often murdered by men that they had been intimate with. Whether this intimacy was transactional in nature or not doesn’t matter. Even perceived potential for intimacy with a trans woman of color is enough to get us killed. Behind closed doors or out on the streets, men who ostensibly desire us are murdering trans women of color. Brandy Martell was murdered in her car after someone approached her. Islan Nettles was beat on the street after being harassed by a group of men. Lorena Escalera’s apartment was burned to the ground with her inside it after men she was intimate with left her home.

The fact is violence against trans women of color is sexual and gender based violence. The murder of trans women of color who are sex workers, and the street/sexual harassment that we experience, are the everyday manifestations of a colonial project to police our existence. These acts of aggression, of course, are not actually about sexual desire. They are about power and control and the entitlement that men feel they have over trans women’s bodies.

But nobody seems to be talking about this. Trans women are erased from the narrative around domestic violence and even in the spaces where our deaths are discussed, namely TDOR, there is no discussion about intimate partner violence. The fact that trans women of color are usually only there after we’ve died is also a problem because we are only talking about it after there is nothing we can do about it. And if folks are only willing to talk about us after we have been killed, then what does that say about our communities and the nature of violence? Is violence just assaulting them physically, emotionally, sexually? Or is it also allowing it to happen in the first place? Being complicit in the system is just as violent as being the one who actually fires the gun.

So if the anti-violence movement isn’t even recognizing violence against trans women as sexual or gender based violence, why would trans women reach out for services from domestic violence agencies? Not only that, but trans women are often barred from accessing those services when they do reach out. From understanding the language that should be used to refer to us to having policies and practices in place to accommodate us to even knowing how to safety plan with us, domestic violence agencies are often ill equipped to meet out needs. And that’s even if they don’t flat out refuse to serve them because they perceive trans women as men. Cissexism and trans misogyny present significant barriers to services.

There are some organizations that are working towards including trans women, such as Incite! Women of Color Against Violence, but progress is slow. It is not enough to have us in your mission statement. We need to center our analysis on the experiences of trans women of color, particularly black trans women.

So what can we do about this? The responses are, of course, going to be different for every community, but the first step is to talk about what is going on. We need to begin by shedding light on the violence that is happening in our communities. We need to have spaces for trans women of color to share our experiences with each other and organize for ourselves. And as we come together as communities, we can begin to address the systemic reasons for violence. We can start forming autonomous communities where we support each other and keep each other safe. The state is not here to protect us because it is predicated on our annihilation. So we need to think of alternative models to create change that don’t rely on the police or the state.

As I continue to deepen my understanding of how we are marginalized, I see more and more that it is all connected. The fact that trans women are being murdered is connected to police brutality is connected to the state stealing land to the fact that corporations are gobbling up the worlds resources. Being a survivor has taught me that resiliency is in the marrow of my bones and with it I can imagine a better world.

featured image from shutterstock.com

Also.Also.Also: Kathleen Hanna, Ellen Degeneres, and The San Antonio Four Walk Into a Pantene Commercial and Other Stories We Missed This Week

Hello, bamboo shots! I had a snow day yesterday, which was nice because I hate snow and awful because I hate snow.

Here’s the stories we missed this week while I was hibernating.

Justice for the San Antonio 4

The San Antonio Four were released from prison after 15 years.

This Sunday, in central Texas, four women and their families sat down to a big lunch together. It would have been a wholly unremarkable scene, but for one thing: Three of the women were only recently released from prison for a crime they say they didn’t commit.

Elizabeth Ramirez, 39, Cassandra Rivera, 38, Kristie Mayhugh, 40, and Anna Vasquez, 38, are the San Antonio Four. In 1994, the women, all lesbians, were accused of aggravated sexual assault on a child; by 1998, they’d been convicted of the crime and were starting their prison sentences—15 years for Rivera, Mayhugh, and Vasquez; 37 1/2 years for Ramirez, because she’d been the “ringleader.” But on Nov. 18, 2013, Ramirez, Mayhugh, and Rivera were released on bail after the testimony of an expert medical witness used to convict them was found to be faulty and a judge recommended that the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals vacate their conviction. Vasquez, who had been out on parole for a year already, will no longer have to meet strict parole requirements.

Finally, justice prevails in a case that, one can only hope, is a relic of a weird, panicked time in recent American history, when the word gay or lesbian was too often conflated with pedophile.

Black LGBT Power 100

The G-List Society Black LGBT Power 100 has the approval of Elixher, meaning it has my implicit approval already.

We have to give props to G-List Society, a blog dedicated to entertainment, events, news and lifestyle in the LGBT community, for the first installment of their 2013 “Black LGBT Power 100.” We’re impressed by the depth and breadth of people and organizations spotlighted — from Harlem’s lesbian-owned restaurant Billie’s Black to trans author Janet Mock and openly gay The Voice contestant De’Borah Garner.

“Hundreds of Black same-gender-loving men and women from all over the world grabbed headlines locally, regionally, nationally and internationally for their significant achievements, record-breaking accomplishments and controversial notoriety that rival demographics with seemingly larger influences,” boasts G-List Society blogger Waddie G. “Throughout 2013, many brave people in the Black LGBT community stepped out on their courageous leadership in positive and controversial ways to show that power is also in the Black same-gender-loving voice regardless of reach.”

This Week in Women

+ Why can’t TIME magazine just choose a woman for person of the year already. Like, would it be so fucking hard to name Wendy Davis or Hillary Clinton or Janet Mock or any fucking person on Earth who does not identify as a man person of the year or is that an actually impossible feat. If George W. Bush can do it, can’t we all?

+ The ACLU is suing the Conference of Catholic Bishops on behalf of Tamesha Means, who was denied care at Mercy Health Partners when her water broke at 18 weeks. While they’re on the phone with those jerks they should pass along the memo to the Pope that economic equality includes women’s rights and LGBT rights.

+ Surprise: women journalists are at more risk for danger on the job because of sexual harassment and violence and general douchebaggery.

+ I don’t think Pantene is going to solve your sexism problem, y’all.

Don’t you hate it how people are labelled differently for engaging in the same behaviour? What’s “persuasive” in a man is labelled “pushy” in a woman. A father who stays up all night working is “dedicated,” but a woman who does that is “selfish.” That is, like,  so unfair. Luckily, that problem has a solution. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that the solution to that problem, which uptight complainy feminists might call “sexism” but that this ad calls “labels,”  isn’t “collective political action and widespread cultural change.” The solution is shampoo. 

+ Our political system needs to care about black women.

+ Women don’t appreciate when you use sex to sell cheap shit.

+ “Passing for White and Straight: How My Looks Hide My Identity.”

My privilege in passing reflects a racism and heterosexism that continues to flourish, despite romantic notions that racial mixing and gay marriage will create a utopian future free of prejudices.

Police officers don’t suspect me. Store owners like me. White strangers don’t feel threatened by me. Racists get too comfortable with me. Homophobes unknowingly befriend me. My straight white doppelgänger and I ride the subway together as I try to lose her in crowds and leave her behind at parties. I dispel her with the perpetual coming-out, the casual “I’m not white,” the introduction of my partner.

I’ve spent most of my adult life actively trying to evade her. But every time I sit down with new people, I know that she sits down first.

+ Toni Braxton wants to play a lesbian on Orange is the New Black. Lesbians around the world rejoiced.

We Wish You A Queerer Christmas

This holiday season, rely on friends.

Author’s Note: And wine.

The Other Other Bound 2

Ellen and Portia made a Bound 2-themed holiday card for their loved ones this year. This that red-cup-all-on-the-lawn shit.

Gay Rights Roundup

+ The first same-sex weddings in England and Wales will begin March 29, 2014! That gives us juuust enough time to buy a nice hat.

+ Fortune 500 companies are getting the hang of this equal-benefits-for-same-sex-attracted-folk-and-their-kin thing.

+ Westboro Baptist Church plans to protest Nelson Mandela’s funeral and go immediately to Hell.

+ ICYMI: It ain’t easy being queer and homeless.

 There were times — after he told his parents he was gay, for example, and his mother wept and his father tried to hit him — when Fredy Bolvito curled up on a bench in Union Square here and cried because he had AIDS and no job and no place to stay and he felt, he said, that “my life was over.”

+ Virginia Rep. Randy Forbes thinks the GOP campaign fund shouldn’t give money to gay candidates.

+ Viet Rainbow is mad as hell and they’re not gonna take it anymore:

Hieu Nguyen and fellow protesters stood on the sidewalk holding signs and waving an enormous rainbow flag as the traditional Vietnamese parade passed them by.

Barred from the Lunar New Year’s event — and largely ignored in their own community — members of the fledgling gay rights group decided it was time to stop playing nice.

They took training sessions with established LGBT groups, sought out legal strategy from veteran gay rights defenders Lambda Legal and attended workshops.

Now emboldened activists are flexing their muscles and demanding change in Little Saigon, a sprawling immigrant community that has dragged its feet on coming to terms with basic gay rights issues.

“This is not the Rosa Parks era,” said Nguyen, a Garden Grove social worker. “I’m not sitting at the back of the bus anymore.”

You Should Go / Give / Be Excited About…

+ Bloom: Memories will feature the first-ever trans* character in an RPG. And it’s all thanks to a trans* game developer. SO SUPPORT IT ALREADY.

+ Feminist Campus is spotlighting young feminists with the Feminist You Should Know contest – and all this week, you can vote for a winner!

+ Support Rape Aid with a $20 ticket to their Wintry Mix party! Oh, and you get to go.

+ On Friday, DC’s West End Cinema will be screening The Punk Singer. I’ll be there!

Kathleen Hanna, lead singer of the punk band Bikini Kill and dance-punk trio Le Tigre, rose to national attention as the reluctant but never shy voice of the riot grrrl movement. She became one of the most famously outspoken feminist icons, a cultural lightning rod. Her critics wished she would just shut-up, and her fans hoped she never would. So in 2005, when Hanna stopped shouting, many wondered why. Through 20 years of archival footage and intimate interviews with Hanna, THE PUNK SINGER takes viewers on a fascinating tour of contemporary music and offers a never-before-seen view into the life of this fearless leader.

Two and Half Men’s Portrayal Of A Trans Woman Is (Shocker!) Not Respectful

On the latest episode of CBS’s Two and a Half Men, Jon Cryer’s character, Alan, met, slept with and started dating a new character, Paula. Paula, played by cis actress Paula Marshall, also happens to be a trans woman, and that is one of the driving narratives of this episode. While both CBS and this show have been notoriously problematic in the past (and other CBS shows have specifically failed in their portrayal of trans women), this episode received praise for its “respectful” portrayal of a relationship between a trans woman and a straight man. However, even conceding the fact that “not once was (Paula) called a man, nor were any transphobic slurs used at any point during the episode,” this episode was still filled to the brim with insulting “jokes” and problematic lines directed at the expense of not only the character of Paula, but all trans women who might see, or even hear about, the show.

I think it’s important to point out that Alan’s very first interaction with Paula was predicated on him pointing out several times that he’s straight. The writers wanted to make sure that we, the audience, didn’t think that they were saying he was gay. They basically were saying, “Now we know he’s about to sleep with a someone who used to be a man, but don’t worry, no homo.”

This show has a laugh track, so there’s no ambiguity about how it wants us to react to certain things. When Paula comes out to Alan after they sleep together, many members of the studio audience laugh. They actually laugh. They treat her telling Alan that she’s trans as a punch line. Many more of them also “ooo” and “ah,” as if this is an episode of the Jerry Springer Show. If that’s not sensationalizing transness, I don’t know what is. Don’t worry, it doesn’t stop there. Next, Alan starts asking her multiple questions about her genitals. Seeing as they just slept together, this is somewhat understandable, however, focusing on a trans woman’s genitals is also a grossly overused trope. The real kicker comes when Alan asks if her Gender Confirmation Surgery is permanent, saying, “you’re not going to sneeze real hard and suddenly I’m dating a dude?” So, he doesn’t call Paula a man, but he insinuates that if she still had a penis, she suddenly would be. One small step for a trans woman, one giant leap back for trans womankind.

The next morning at breakfast, Ashton Kutcher’s character is recounting his “crazy night” spent taking his date to the emergency room not once, but twice. At this, Alan promises that there is no way that that night was as crazy as his (because nothing’s crazier than sleeping with a trans woman, am I right!?). When the others ask him what was so crazy, he proceeds to OUT HIS GIRLFRIEND TO PEOPLE SHE DOES NOT KNOW. In case my excessive use of caps lock wasn’t clear, this is not okay. Not even a little bit. Ashton Kutcher responds to this with a barrage of “respectful” quips including “I can’t believe that you would… well then again, it is you” and “How did it work, like where did it go?”

The article also praises the show for including the line, “You’re going out with a post-op transgender person without any judgment? Very enlightened.” Which, let me tell you, every woman wants to hear that about someone who wants to date her. What exactly is enlightened about a straight man going out with a woman who has a vagina? Do they really have to point out again that she’s post-op? We already know that from the extensive conversation Alan and Paula had and the several jokes characters made about her surgery. When the two do go on another date, the entire scene is filled with jokes about her being the “man” in the relationship, whether that’s her paying for snacks, holding a door for him or giving him her jacket when he’s cold.

There’s also the simple fact that she’s not played by a trans woman. Elementary and Orange is the New Black should have shown Chuck Lorre that you can definitely find super talented trans actresses to play your trans characters. Were they worried they wouldn’t be able to find one who “passes” well enough to make it believable that Alan would be “fooled?” I don’t have any problems with Paula Marshall, she’s a fine actress, but she isn’t trans.

Now, I totally understand latching onto any and all representation that has any positive aspects. I mean, I still watch Glee every week just because it has both a lesbian Latina and a plus size trans woman of color. But I don’t pretend that it’s respectful. When they had an episode centered around Unique trying to use the correct bathrooms at school and the show’s solution was for her to be able to use the teachers bathroom, I didn’t celebrate. That is a garbage compromise. And it stinks. The fact that she isn’t forced to use the men’s room or a port-a-potty covered in question marks doesn’t automatically make this a win. She’s still being treated as something other than the girl she is. Similarly, just because Paula wasn’t called a man or a slur, doesn’t mean the show treated her well. It still wanted us to laugh at her, be shocked by her and to view the entire situation of a straight man dating a trans woman as something funny enough to be the premise of a sitcom episode.

I will admit, there were some positive things about Paula’s storyline. Alan didn’t completely freak out when she told him, in fact his response was one of the better responses I’ve seen on TV. He also continued to want to date her after she came out, he even liked her more and more as the episode went on and he learned more about her. But that doesn’t make up for the rest of what happens. This was my first time watching Two and a Half Men and it will probably be my last. Treating a trans woman with the very bare minimum amount of respect (and I’m not sure if it was even that much) and having Amber Tamblyn play a lesbian are not enough to win me over. Come on Amber, you were Joan of Arcadia! You’re too good for this show!

It’s not a respectful portrayal if you make jokes about a trans woman’s genitals. It’s not a respectful portrayal if the other characters out her. It’s not a respectful portrayal if the studio audience actually laughs when she comes out. We can’t be showering the media with uncritical praise for this kind of thing. If we want representation to get better, we have to let people know. We have to work toward better stories and better characters. We can’t settle for things like this and call it a positive portrayal. After all, if this is what’s considered respectful, we’re never going to be treated like the women, or even the human beings, that we are.

Trans* Activists Degender Wesleyan Bathrooms, Face Charges and Fines

This fall, an anonymous group of trans* and gender-nonconforming students degendered public bathrooms at Wesleyan University in Middletown, Connecticut. The students removed existing gendered signs and replaced them with inclusive, all gender paper signs like the one below.

Many signs also included a manifesto, penned under the pseudonym “Pissed Off Trans* People,” calling for Wesleyan administration to desegregate bathrooms and acknowledge the existence and value of trans* and gender non-conforming people:

We demand that Wesleyan University stop segregating bathrooms along gender lines and provide all-gender bathrooms in all buildings in the University.

We believe gender-segregated bathrooms create uncomfortable and potentially dangerous situations for trans and gender-variant presenting people.

We believe gender-segregated bathrooms reinforce trans* invisibility at Wesleyan.

We resent statements by Wesleyan Administration that all-gender bathrooms are widely available on this campus, when they are in fact often difficult to find or unmarked, in inconvenient locations, or simply not available.

We acknowledge that some people, particularly women, may feel unsafe in bathrooms that are no longer gender-segregated. We invite further discussion about this issue, but are currently not aware of any studies suggesting women are more likely to experience harassment or harm in all-gender bathrooms. (Citation: Rothblatt, Martine Aliana. The Apartheid of Sex: A Manifesto on the Freedom of Gender. New York: Crown, 1995.)

We believe it is not the duty of trans* or gender-variant students to self-advocate for all- gender bathrooms on their hall/place of residence, and that residential bathrooms should be all-gender.

We want to remind white and documented people and people with class privilege that those most likely to experience violence and increased surveillance from gender- segregated bathrooms are people of color, poor people, and undocumented people.

The group uploaded the signs and manifesto so that individuals could participate on their own. According to the press release from Mariama Eversly, the materials garnered over 200 downloads.

In response to this activism, Wesleyan administration singled out three students and charged them with hefty fines and unspecific charges. In spite of evidence that these students were only “present at the sign removal in the campus center, they are being charged for the removal of all the bathroom gender signs on the entire university campus.” The three students are being charged $5,245 in fines, $157 per sign “plus additional unexplained fees.” According to the press release, the disciplinary proceedings have been “chaotic and isolating,” with the administration indicting these students based on singular evidence extrapolated in order to make an example out of them.

MyDoorSign.com has offered to replace some signs for free with all gender inclusive signs like the one pictured above, but Wesleyan administration is still charging the three students for all signs.

The controversy at Wesleyan is symptomatic of larger problems in current public consciousness: the knee-jerk tendency of people in positions of power to freak out when established cultural gender norms are questioned without thought to the ways in which we could all benefit from progress and change; the hostile, excessive and often violent response to student activism from administrations; and the anti-intellectualist conservatism rampant in America. This is par for the course as far as history is concerned, but we can do better. What’s also troubling is that when it comes to disciplinary action taken against students, elite universities like Wesleyan often disregard class issues involved. Wesleyan’s population is made of students from wealthy and working class backgrounds. Whereas $5K is payable for some families, for others the fines may be too much. As of now, there is no indication that the administration has even taken this into account.

Wesleyan’s over-the-top response comes at a time when trans* access to bathrooms has made headlines all over the country. Earlier this year, California approved a bill requiring K12 public schools in the state to allow trans* students access to bathrooms that correspond with their gender identity. Campus Pride released their annual list of the “Top 25 LGBT Friendly Colleges and Universities,” giving weight to those institutions that offer gender-free bathrooms. Even Washington D.C.-based Starbucks have gone gender-free. Bathroom access is a basic need for everyone, including trans* and gender-nonconforming people. It’s time for Wesleyan and other institutions to show respect to their students and their identities. It’s time to stop punishing students for doing important activism work and opening eyes to progressive possibilities. And it’s time for people in authority to stop digging in their heels and admit that maybe our norms are fucked up.

Wesleyan alumni are currently circulating a petition to urge the administration to do the right thing and step up in support of trans* and gender-nonconforming students.

Though the school considers the de-gendering of bathrooms to be property damage and vandalism, far more destructive are the conditions which gave rise to the students’ actions. Wesleyan must recognize the root cause of the actions: a climate in which trans students feel silenced, unwelcome and unsafe. Rather than punish the very people who are being harmed, Wesleyan needs to look at how it can create a more inclusive campus. Those people and institutions preventing some community members from feeling safe are not under investigation nor being held accountable. Rather, only those standing up for a safer campus have been sanctioned.

According to Wesleyan alum Una Osato, more than 225 alumni from all over the world have signed the petition.

Many alumni have written in saying how upset they are to hear that the current students are going up against the same issues they themselves organized around 10 or more years ago, which painfully shows how the school has not seriously taken into account the needs of marginalized students. This is not an isolated incident just happening to trans student activists. This is happening institutionally; just last year our alma mater got rid of need-blind admissions.

Osato said she was heartened by the response from the alumni, and by how decentralized the grassroots organizing has been: “It’s really about a climate on campus and supporting a larger struggle for social justice.”

The Wesleyan disciplinary hearing is set to take place Wednesday, December 4 at 4:30 p.m. EST in the North College administrative building.

If you want to find gender inclusive bathrooms, Safe2Pee.org is a crowdsourced listing of gender-free and trans*-friendly bathrooms across the U.S. and Canada.

Also.Also.Also: Bill O’Reilly Should Eat Some Sriracha and Shut Up And Other Stories We Missed This Week

Hello, turtles! (You’ll never know if I mean the animal or the chocolate, and if you’re wise, you’ll never care.) This week I got nostalgic and had subsequent panics about the future! So here’s all the stories we missed while I cried softly to the series finale of Fraiser on Netflix.

Goodbye, Sweet Sriracha

We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter. The Sriracha plant is closing, at least partially. The only thing that could possibly be next is the apocalypse and/or a new world order, really.

Period Pride

You know you got it.

Forgot about “your time of the month,” “the Curse,” and all the delicate and discreet euphemisms for menstruation. Recently, there has been a spate of viral music videos and art from a rising group of female artists who are determined to sing, rap and depict menstruation with (graphic) candor.

From rapping about cunnilingus on their period to putting a full-bush, bleeding vagina on a T-shirt, these musical and visual expressions of menstruation may seem initially jarring and even over-the-top. But they represent a bracing backlash against the blue-liquid marketing culture. Now, a generation of women who began their periods in an age of euphemistic “Mother Nature” ads are embracing menstruation in all of its bloody glory as their way of reclaiming their un-sanitized womanhood.

WATCH: TransMilitary

A new documentary reminds us that DADT wasn’t the only anti-queer policy inhibiting full participation and fulfillment for queermos in the military. For trans* folks, their preferred genders remain a complicated battle line.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1sH3nKv9miA

F*ck Bill O’Reilly

Out actor Alex Newell from Glee has no patience for Bill O’Reilly patronizing “dopey kids” by trying to protect them from trans* characters on screen. (He regrettably forgot to mention that Bill O’Reilly called Glee an “undeniably…good program,” which is a lie.)

Shortly after Newell’s character, Wade “Unique” Adams, was introduced on Glee, O’Reilly criticized the popular musical series for its inclusion of a trans teen and claimed, “If you make it glamorous in a program likeGlee, which is undeniably a good program … a lot of these dopey kids are confused about who they are.”

In a new interview with Fusion, Newell fired back with a few comments of his own about O’Reilly’s harsh words. “It’s wrong to call people dopey,” he told Fusion‘s Alicia Menendez Thursday. “When it’s something this poignant and such a big part of the society, you can’t call kids dopey, because this is something that they’re actually going through, this is what they feel on the inside, there’s nothing dopey about it.”

Big ____ on Campus

College campuses may be the nexus for a movement toward preferred pronouns.

Where Have All The Lesbos Gone

Not to the TV set, that’s for sure.

Speaking at “Lesbophobia in the Media”, a debate held jointly by Women in Journalism and lesbian magazine Diva last week, Carr called for more realistic depictions of gay women on TV. She highlighted how unlikely it is for disability to be a characteristic of an on-screen lesbian. “I’m not seen as being capable of having any kind of sex as a disabled woman,” she said. “I’m asexual. Disabled women are very much desexed.”

Writer Iman Qureshi said lesbianism is never “incidental to a character” in TV and film. “You don’t wake up in the morning, have breakfast and think – I’m having breakfast as a lesbian,” she said. “Why can’t lesbians just be people?” Jane Czyzselska, the editor of Diva magazine, agreed that lesbians are either portrayed as heavily sexualised, wacky or asexual. “I don’t see any butch dykes on television. I don’t see any archetypes or role models and we definitely need more to move things on.”

MHP’s Black Feminist Syllabus

Well this is fantastic. READ IT.

Last week, whilst schooling Michelle Cottle on her insipid “Michelle Obama is a feminist nightmare” article, Melissa Harris-Perry quipped, “You might want to read up a little bit on black women and our feminism. I’m happy to send you a syllabus.” To which the Internet responded, “Um, yes, please do.”

Very happily, that quip has now become reality: here is MHP’s suggested reading list on black feminism. It’s an amazing, inspiring, hugely necessary resource, and it covers a wide breadth of theory and history. Take a look, educate yourself, share it, use it to augment your holiday wishlist, bookmark it for future use, print it out and turn it into a vision board, etc etc.

Gay Marriage Chronicles

+ A majority of Croations do not have positive emotions related to same-sex marriage, so their government is going to push ahead with gay civil unions instead.

+ How the f*ck do Mormons feel about gay marriage, anyway?

You Should Give / Go

+  “Out of This” will transport you from Art Basel Miami into some sort of artsy, queer fantasyland. All you gotta do is RSVP.

+ Chaperones needs your help!

Chaperones is about Alex Bell, a math teacher, and Ramona Hernandez, an English teacher, who are new to Lakeview High School. Because Lakeview is notorious for having a disastrous prom every year, the new teachers are required to attend as chaperones, as nobody else will do it. Alex and Ramona take prom as an opportunity to get to know each other better, but every time they manage to connect, a rowdy student or the callous Principal Jensen get in their way. The story follows their efforts to get together throughout prom night despite the challenges being presented to them.

+ You can’t always go home again. But you could always go HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS AMIRITE.

Homo For The Holidays is a seasonal spectacle guaranteed to make even the most stubborn yuletides gay! An unforgettable all-star cast of burlesque, cabaret, dance, drag, and musical local luminaries come together in a display of glittering grandeur that’s been called “F*CKING GREAT….F*CKING HILARIOUS!” by Dan Savage of The Stranger.

Jinkx Monsoon will be performing in Homo for the Holidays December 12th-14th and December 23rd-24th. Scott Shoemaker will be performing December 18th-22nd.)

Pity Is Not The Same As Respect: A Critique Of ‘Dallas Buyers Club’

feature image from IMDB

Spoiler Alert: This article contains plot details for the film Dallas Buyers Club.

Trans representation on film is pretty abysmal, ranging from mildly problematic to dangerously ignorant and hateful. The movies have given us very few trans characters at all, and those that are not blatantly offensive are often still problematic in subtler ways. This isn’t to say that no positive characters exist in cinema (and of course it’s all a matter of opinion), but for my money there’s very little out there that can be truly called a positive portrayal. Where does Dallas Buyers Club fall on the spectrum of trans representation in cinema? Despite its pro-gay attitude, the film fails to break the pattern of transphobic narratives in cinema, perhaps because it doesn’t understand that trans people are not the same as cis gay people.

Dallas Buyers Club is the story of Ron Woodroof (played by Matthew McConaughey), a straight cis man who is diagnosed HIV-positive in 1985 and subverts the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and Big Pharma to acquire unapproved and experimental medication. He founds the Dallas Buyers Club (sometimes written as Dallas Buyer’s Club) to distribute this medication to AIDS patients who either couldn’t afford or weren’t being helped by approved treatments. In doing so, he becomes close to a transgender woman named Rayon (played by Jared Leto), who is also HIV-positive and helps Woodroof run the organization. It’s based on a true story: Ron Woodroof and the Dallas Buyers Club are real, while Rayon is fictional. It’s easy to see the appeal of the tale: it’s about a lone man taking on The System, about courage, strength and perseverance in the face of adversity, about clinging to life against the odds.

When we look at the narrative that arises from these real-life circumstances, however, problems are apparent. Woodroof’s Dallas organization was far from unique, but as Noel Murray writes (emphasis in original), “there’s an extent to which this is trying to be a kind of ur-story for the whole “buyers club” phenomenon and not just a character sketch, and that’s where having a straight hero becomes somewhat problematic.” I’d go even further to argue that despite the film’s micro scale (it deals with only a handful of people), it demands a macro reading, wherein each character represents their larger community. When viewed this way, Woodroof is the Straight Cis Savior to the AIDS epidemic, while Rayon, the only developed queer character, is the Victim.

The film opens with Woodroof having sex with two women, to assure the audience that Woodroof — soon to be diagnosed HIV-positive — is absolutely definitely 100% straight. After all, the narrative doesn’t work unless Woodroof is aggressively heterosexual. His homophobia, transphobia and racism are core aspects of his personality, which enables his character arc from bigot to advocate. Sure, he spends a lot of time spitting out anti-gay and anti-trans slurs, but he eventually learns tolerance and becomes an advocate, so I guess everything is sunshine and rainbows, right? For one thing I think the whole “overcoming bigotry” arc is problematic in and of itself, when you consider the lack of queer representation and the Savior Complex that this film has. More importantly than that, though is the disparity in the treatment of cis gay men (who are bit parts and extras) and the treatment of the film’s treatment of Rayon. While cis gay men are respected (albeit narratively sidelined), Rayon, as a transgender woman, is disrespected, deprived of autonomy, and made to suffer.

Rayon is misgendered throughout the film, which I might forgive if it had been sourced to character ignorance. However, because a defining point of the film is these characters’ queer advocacy, the ignorance is clearly from the film itself. It’s worse than just misgendering, though. Woodroof uses multiple transphobic insults against Rayon, including “miss man”, “whatever you are”, and at one point he points a gun at Rayon’s crotch and jokes that he will use it to “give [her] that sex change [she’s] been wanting.” The scene is meant to be playful, because nothing shows rapport and camaraderie better than mocking the concept of anti-trans violence. It isn’t any better behind the scenes, either, with Leto describing Rayon as an “unbelievably impossible person,” an assertion that characterizes trans people as exotic novelties, rather than real human beings with real lives. Leto’s sentiment shouldn’t be surprising, though, when you realize that in the film, Rayon doesn’t really have much of a life of her own.

At one point in the film, Woodroof encounters a former friend while shopping with Rayon. After the friend insults Rayon, Woodroof puts him in a headlock and forces him to shake Rayon’s hand. Two things stand out in this scene: A) how little Rayon is actually involved and B) how uninterested Rayon is in shaking this guy’s hand. It isn’t about her, it’s about Woodroof showing that he is no longer okay with sentiments he once freely tossed around himself. This dynamic of Rayon serving as a catalyst for Woodroof, with little to no regard for her own desires, agency or even her life, persists throughout the film. The filmmakers themselves admit to creating Rayon to teach Woodroof tolerance. The ultimate example comes in the second act, when Rayon dies, succumbing to a combination of AIDS and drug abuse. Her death sends Woodroof into a spiral of grief, allowing him to prove that he’s changed. Yes, the only queer character in the film dies so that the straight cis protagonist can show just how much he cares about queer people now. But why did she need to die for that to happen? Rayon was a fictional character and thus not bound by historical circumstance. Rayon’s death allows Woodroof to express his newfound tolerance in the most visceral way possible, to be sure. But her death also plays into a larger cultural narrative that depicts trans people as tragic above all else.

Rayon’s existence is defined by suffering, and she lacks hope, strength, and agency. Everything about Rayon is designed to create sympathy, not empathy, and to make Rayon as pathetic as possible. The audience is meant to look on her as a pitiful victim in need of saving, the Queer Damsel In Distress to Woodroof’s Straight Cis Knight In Shining Armor. As Daniel D’Addario argues, the film portrays Rayon as “automatically a victim, unaware of how she could help herself.” Rayon takes little action of her own, and it’s problematic even when she does. When she withholds necessary contacts from Woodroof to force him to partner with her, he wonders aloud if he’s “dreaming,” defusing one of Rayon’s only moments of autonomous action by implying that such an act by someone like her is out of the ordinary, even difficult to fathom. Woodroof also infantilizes Rayon repeatedly by treating her like a misbehaving child incapable of making her own decisions. While a defining trait of Woodroof is his “will to live,” a defining trait of Rayon is her lack of thereof, which the filmmakers convey via her ongoing drug addiction (Woodroof stops using drugs cold turkey without any difficulty or reaction). This framing of drug addiction as a simple lack of self-control is problematic in many ways, including that it allows the filmmakers to blame Rayon for her own death, absolving Woodroof of any failure to complete his Savior duties. It’s also strongly implied that Rayon simply doesn’t want to live, a premise that both stems from and reinforces how tragic her life is.

Rayon’s character and narrative validate subtle prejudices against gender and sexual minorities by presenting a cisgender superiority that only looks favorably on trans people as it looks down on them. Unlike the more glaring instances of queer characters suffering and dying as punishment, Rayon suffers and dies to affirm hierarchies that place people with traditional gender and sexuality at the top. This kind of depiction, veiled behind positivity, inclusion, and allyship, is among the most harmful because it goes easily unnoticed, and thus can more easily create or affirm prejudices and biases of viewers. In lieu of the ally cookie this film so clearly wants, I have a message: pity is not the same as respect. Perhaps one day the mainstream will start treating us as human beings deserving of respect and not as unfortunate oddities deserving of pity, and then perhaps future queer characters will be able to have their own lives, their own journeys, and do more than just suffer.

“It Was Personal”: Why I Don’t Take Part in the Trans Day of Remembrance

In the beginning, the Trans Day of Remembrance (TDoR) had only one name. Rita Hester.

She was a well-known figure in Boston’s trans community. On November 28, 1998, she was found in her apartment, brutally stabbed to death. The news sent shockwaves among the local community. Exacerbated by the thoughtless news coverage and the inaction of the police, people sprang into action.

On December 3rd, 50 members of the Lesbian Avengers and Queer Riot protested the offices of the Bay Windows and Boston Herald. The next day, a week after Hester was found, a candlelight vigil was held. It drew 250 people, both inside and outside the trans community.

Charito Suarez, who attended the event, said,”It was personal. I’m not talking just about another transgender person. I’m talking about a person I actually knew. I knew her character and I knew her heart. I’m doing it for her. We must speak for her.”

It’s considered a turning point for trans rights in Boston and the US. The next year, San Fransisco activists began the “Remembering Our Dead” project, which morphed into the Trans Day of Remembrance.

Hester’s killing remains unsolved.

---

Let me save you some time.

I don’t participate in the Trans Day of Remembrance because in 2011 I read a pair of essays by Morgan M. Page and Alyssa Caparas.

The basic gist: TDoR appropriates the narratives of poor trans women of color. It exploits them to create a culture of fear and advance a political agenda that will do nothing for the people named.

In short, the dead aren’t ours to remember.

That’s what I’m arguing. There’s also names. People. Some are trans women, some aren’t. Some were killed, some weren’t. Some have their names on the TDoR website, some don’t.

Who’s who is complicated.

---

In October, Miguel Inostroz was sentenced to 112 years for the murder of Lucie Parkin, a Bay Area trans woman.

This wasn’t justice. Inostroz had attacked Parkin, an acquaintance, over a debt. One of Parkin’s friends intervened, and in the ensuing scuffle, Inostroz’s gun went off, killing Parkin.

The prosecution knew this, but still charged Inosroz with second degree murder. His sentence is based on California’s third strike rule.

Parkin’s name isn’t on the TDoR website. A couple of local organizations held side memorials for those who knew her to pay their respects.

Rita Hester’s personal connection to her community was central to her memorial. It’s what drove people to organize like never before.

Just over a decade later, and that personal connection was a side piece. It’d been replaced by an official memorial, full of names of people they’d never known until that day.

But not Parkin. The TDoR is for people who are considered to be the victims of ‘anti-trans’ violence.

---

So, what does it mean to be killed by transphobia? We can think about it by looking at Matthew Shepard, maybe.

His murder was a lightning rod for the LGBTQ community. It was the catalyst for hate crimes laws. It renewed interest in the Brandon Teena story, resulting in the movie Boys Don’t Cry. The disparity of the coverage between Shepard’s murder and Rita Hester’s sparked the protests that became the TDoR.

Since then, Shepard’s murder has been reenacted, either directly or not. And, I suspect, it’s become the archetypal anti-LGBTQ hate crime, the standard by which all other crimes are judged.

This year, Steve Jimenez came out with a book claiming our account of it was wrong. Matthew Shepard, Jimenez claimed, was a meth user and dealer, who’d had sex with one of his killers. He was killed because of drugs, not sexual orientation.

There’s been considerable debate around whether or not these claims are true, partially true, etc. I don’t know enough to offer an opinion.

Honestly, though, I wouldn’t be surprised either way.

Criminality is part of the queer/trans* community. It’s a way to earn a living when you’ve been pushed out of the workforce. There’s fewer barriers to entry, so it’s easier to circumvent discrimination.

But it comes with extra dangers, including being targeted by people who know you won’t – can’t – go to the police. That’s what police suspect happened to Tyrell Jackson and 3 other ‘transvestite prostitutes’, who were all robbed at gunpoint on April 4, 2012. Jackson was shot trying to flee, and died.

Jackson is on the TDoR website.

---

In her article, Morgan Page quotes Mirha-Soleil Ross saying that if trans activists factored sex work into the Trans Day of Remembrance, the list would lose half its names. She also talks about how the names are used to advance a culture of fear for political purposes.

I think about those comments when I see the argument of anti-trans violence. Say this, do that, and you’re Just As Bad as the people who kill trans people on the street.

More than the culture of fear being used for politics, the politics of fear has become the main justification for our existence.

And it’s a problem.

It’s a problem because it inherently removes the complexity of the people whose names we call. And it’s a problem because it removes the nuance of transphobia.

Because, yes, sometimes it is what you’d expect. But it’s also not being able to get a job because you have no legal ID. It’s your soon-to-be-ex trying to get ‘incriminating’ pictures of you so they can take the kids. It’s the government not recognizing your new family like they did the old one. Sometimes, yes, it’s sex work and dealing. Or, it’s getting a temp job in a warehouse and saving pennies for an out of pocket surgery.

It’s rough. And sometimes it’s violent. But it’s more complex than the perpetrator-victim model. And when we reduce it to that, it distorts how we organize against transphobia.

---

On January 8th, The New Statesman published Suzanne Moore’s contribution to Red, the Waterstone’s Anthology. It contained an oblique reference to the “Brazilian transsexual” ideal.

She was questioned about it, a fight erupted, and, on January 11th, she left Twitter.

On January 13th, her friend Julie Burchill published a defense of Moore in The Observer, using every transphobic term she could think of.

It unleashed a torrent of criticism from the online feminist community. Hundreds wrote to the Press Complaints Commission, saying that Burchill’s words were personally threatening to them. On January 14th, The Observer removed the piece and issued an apology.

That same day, The New Statesman published a story about one Lucy Meadows.

She was a primary school teacher who’d made the difficult decision to transition between the Fall and Spring semesters. In response, a couple of parents went to the papers, decrying the situation.

The papers ran with the story. Richard Littlejohn issued his own transphobic op-ed calling for Lucy to leave her job. Papers suppressed the accounts of supportive parents. Reporters were camped in front of Meadows’ door.

She’d filed her own report with the Press Complaints Commission. This, incidentally, is the type of behavior they were meant to police: when journalists invade privacy, target non-public figures, suppress parts of a story.

But hers was the only complaint filed. There was no one to protest the Daily Mail, or the other papers involved. No one to organize supportive neighbors into filing more complaints. People were busy protesting Julie Burchill for threatening the trans community.

Three months later, Meadows committed suicide. Posthumous complaints poured in. But by then it was too late. Littlejohn’s op-ed was removed, but he kept his job.

Just to recap: everyone who wrote to the PCC saying how Burchill’s writing threatened them is still alive. Lucy Meadows is not.

Incidentally, Suzanne Moore’s piece is still on The New Statesman. It still says “Brazilian transsexual”.

---

Lucy Meadows is not on the TDoR.

Suicides aren’t included. You can be hunted by the press to the point of despair, but if you kill yourself, it doesn’t count. If you overdose, it doesn’t count. If you go in for unlicensed injections and get pneumonia, it doesn’t count. If you die from complications because a doctor refuses to treat you, it only counts if you die that night.

There are a thousand ways to die from being trans. But they’re only included if they can be made as sensationalist as possible. Nevermind that all these things kill you just the same. Never mind that self harm, substance abuse, and suicide are some of the biggest killers of trans women around. Nevermind that there’s a whole generation of us relying solely on black market medicine, potentially creating a host of medical issues.

Nevermind the reality of the trans community, as long as it makes a good story to browbeat someone with.

What, exactly, is being remembered? And what isn’t?

---

A couple of weeks before the TDoR, some members of the local queer community held a small, public memorial. It commemorated the lives of queer/trans* friends lost in the last year.

The list was small, and the cause of deaths weren’t dramatic (one died in a car accident). The memorial wasn’t widely attended. Its record wasn’t widely shared.

But if I had to choose, that would be the memorial I’d attend.

If you want to fix the TDoR, I only have a small piece of advice: don’t read the name of someone you don’t know. I don’t care how they died, or when they died, or if they were an asshole. But know them.

If you don’t have a name, wonderful! Great! Be there for the people who do. Make it about the trans community as a place of support, not suffering.

If the person talking isn’t trans, okay. As long as the person they’re talking about is trans. Transphobia doesn’t just affect trans people, but also their lovers, family, friends. Have this be a place they can go to, and share the stories of the people they knew and loved.

And, maybe, don’t call it the Trans Day of Remembrance. Maybe have it be its own thing.

---

We have a need to grieve. We’re human.

And in the queer community, that need is often taken away from us. We’re denied access to our loved ones. Legal families disrespect their identity in services.

It’s why people fought so hard for gay marriage. They wanted the chance to mourn those who died in the AIDS crisis. They couldn’t stand being torn away from their loved ones’ beds any more.

To some extent, the Trans Day of Remembrance can be a conduit for that mourning. But it can also be a barrier to it.

But more than the TDoR, our mourning needs to be for us. Trans people and allies, who do share in a lot of the same trials and tribulations. It shouldn’t be about building the narrative. It should be about listening to know what the narrative is.

---

On November 20th, a trans woman was found at the base of a bridge. It was deemed a suicide. She was a Youtube personality, and fellow trans Youtubers delivered a tearful eulogy, and shared on an online support. The rest of us took turn offering condolences.

Yes, I know it’s online. And you wouldn’t have to do much work to find out who this is. All the same, I don’t feel comfortable sharing it here. It’s personal.

Straddler On The Street: Natalie

Hi crush monsters, this is Straddler On The Street, a feature where I celebrate all of you incredible Autostraddle readers by hunting you down, demanding you chat with me, and then writing about you on the Internet so we can all crush on you. Get excited, because butterflies in your stomach 24/7 is a fantastic way to live.

Header by Rory Midhani

---

Straddler On The Street: Natalie, 30

The first time I properly met Natalie was on a hike at A-Camp, and once we started talking we just couldn’t stop! She described herself as a “completely open book” and I found that was true – it was really exciting and refreshing to be around someone so genuinely honest and open.

Natalie and I talked a lot about her job at the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources, how to build community while still holding on to one’s independence, the trans* community she has sought out at home, and her desire to be part of a larger queer community in the rural area in which she currently lives. I knew I wanted to discuss all of this with her in more depth (and when we weren’t avoiding icy patches on the mountain trail that threatened to trip us up and send us plunging to our doom!) so as soon as we got home I insisted on interviewing her for this column. And now here we are! I love when everything works out.

Hi! How are you?

I’m doing awesome today! I don’t typically get to dress up for work – what I do is more a ‘jeans and t-shirt’ kind of job. But today was a meeting so I was able to straighten my hair and put on makeup and all that lovely stuff! Other than that, I’ve been super busy the past month… but it’s a good busy.

That all sounds awesome. What do you do for work?

I’ve had numerous awesome jobs, but the one that currently occupies my time is as a Wildlife Biologist for the Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources.

Oh neat. Where in Wisconsin do you live?

I currently live in Random Lake. Before you ask, yes, it really is named Random Lake. I moved back home when I left my job in Oregon in 2008. There are some definite perks, and some definite downsides! But it’s home, at least for now.

Can you talk about some of the perks and downsides?

[When] I moved back in 2008, I didn’t have a job, so I moved back in with my mom. I’m so fortunate that I had this place to move to. I was unemployed for nearly two years before finding the position that I have now. [That said,] I miss living in a place that I can call my own. A place where I can make the decisions about how things are decorated or how often I have to clean – I hate to clean! I just really miss my independence.

But there have been some really solid perks that I can’t dismiss! First and foremost, finally having a stable living situation has allowed me to move forward with transitioning. I’m transgender, and living here allows me to put all of my limited financial resources towards costs like traveling to doctors appointments, laser hair removal and electrolysis, and buying a completely new wardrobe. It’s so expensive, even shopping at thrift stores. Living at home has also allowed me to pursue my passion with falconry. After 14 years of dreaming, I’ve been able to obtain my license and take care of my hawks because of the stability I’ve found here at home. Plus, my relationship with my mother has never been better.

I definitely empathize with missing your independence – I’ve been living at home for the past few months and feel the same. I want to talk about your age; when we spoke originally you said you’re 30 but you feel more like you’re in your early twenties. Can you elaborate on that?

Sure! Feeling like I’m in my twenties is a function of my transition. I was 28-29 years old when I began transitioning. I spent 18 years sort of drifting through life. I followed society’s plan and did what I was supposed to do, but I don’t think many, if any, of the major decisions I made were really ‘my’ decisions. I didn’t start actively participating in my life until I came to terms with my gender identity. I didn’t really ‘own’ my life, and the direction I was headed, until I began transitioning.

So here I am now, 30 years old, yet feeling like it’s all just beginning again! I’m going through puberty. Again. I’m struggling to find my identity and my place in the world. Again. And I’m searching for my community and trying to find my passion in this life. All over again! Perhaps I’m wrong in assuming that every other person my age has their shit together and knows what they’re doing, but I feel like I’m back at square-one. I also feel like I’m so much younger because of the changes in my life physically. Since accepting who I am back in 2011, I’ve lost 70 pounds and kept it off, and I’ve run one 10K race and two half-marathons! I’ve never been in better physical shape in my life. I feel amazing. I feel like me.

That is so incredible. I’d love to hear more about how you came to your transition, if that’s okay.

That’s definitely okay; I’m seriously an open book!

I spent my life pre-transition keeping secrets, [but] all that did was keep me disconnected and closed off from all of the people who loved and cared about me. I knew I was ‘different’ right around the age of 11 or 12, but I didn’t have the vocabulary for what I might have been feeling. And I’ve always been a very perceptive person and a quick learner, so it was apparent to me from a young age that what I was feeling was not okay for a boy. So I hid it deep inside.

Complicating matters greatly was going through puberty fueled by testosterone. It was so confusing trying to sort out all of my feelings, so I just did my best to keep them repressed and hidden away. There was a great deal of guilt and shame attached to these feelings back then. The very darkest days of my life came in high school. Knowing I was different, but not knowing why. Not feeling like I could do anything about it left me in a terrible depression. Of course I did my best to hide that from everyone too. But every now and then I would just stop talking to everyone. My best friends didn’t know why and I couldn’t fathom telling them. I openly admit that it was during this time that I briefly considered suicide.

Moving to college allowed me the freedom to explore who I was, when I let myself. But I usually found a relationship to bury myself in. It was easier to help everyone else with their problems than to face my own. So I traveled in emotional circles. One month I was certain I was going to transition. Two months later I was convinced I could purge my life of all the clothes, and all the feelings, and be happy being a man. A husband. Possibly someday a father. It was exhausting.

Did you have a moment when you decided for certain that you would transition?

One night in February of 2011 I knew I couldn’t go on that way. Denying the feelings wasn’t working. It hadn’t worked in the 18 years I had been trying. The one thing I hadn’t tried was accepting it. Accepting that I am trans*. That I am a woman. I had let fear run my life for too long. For the first time in my life, I was moving forward, free from the vicious cycles. I found support in YouTube channels. And I found the courage to write and reach out to people. I began sharing who I am with my friends, and later my family. It took me a year before I could work up the courage – and work past a pretty good case of social anxiety disorder – to attend a support group meeting in Milwaukee. Slowly, I let go of all the vestiges of a life I had been hiding behind and allowed the world to see me for who I really am. I was terrified! But that was no longer a good enough reason not to move in this direction. I came out publicly and [told] my job on March 28th of this year, and honestly, my life has never been better! It’s such a cliché, but colors are brighter, sounds are clearer, smells are sweeter! I feel so freed. I’m such a bright, positive, extroverted person now. It’s amazing!

That is really, really wonderful to hear – seriously, I’m grinning! How did the people in your life react?

I mentioned how much I had let fear run my life, and one of the greatest fears of all is rejection. I truly believed that if anyone found out, they would disown me, and I would be alone. So I came out in stages. Each time, I came out to a modest size group of friends and evaluated their reactions. I worked my way from people on the periphery of my life inward to those who meant the most to me. And each time I outed myself, I waited for the shit to hit the fan. I waited for the negative reactions I just knew I was going to get. And they never came! All the preparation for things going badly was for naught!

I may be tempting fate here, but I’ve had almost zero negative reactions since transitioning. It’s been completely the opposite from what I was convinced was going to happen in this rural part of the Midwest where I live! I know how fortunate I am, and often I feel guilty about it. My story is not typical. I still have the support of my family, my friends, my job. Too many others can’t say the same.

That’s unfortunately true, but it is really heartening to hear how positive your story is, particularly because you weren’t expecting it. Do you like living in the Midwest?

I’m such a Wisconsinite! I love my home state. It really has it all for anyone willing to give it a chance. That being said, I do want to move. I have a nomadic spirit, and there are so many other places in this country, and world, that I want to experience, and explore. I also hate humidity. Summers here can suck that way. And I hate what it does to my hair, now that it’s long and gorgeous. But the winters, with all the snow, are wonderful. Don’t believe all the haters. Snow rocks, if you’re willing to get out and embrace it!

When we talked at A-Camp you mentioned that despite loving your home state, one of the downsides right now is that you feel disconnected from a queer community. Can you speak to that a bit?

Yes, that would be one of the major downsides to where I live. I’m about an hour north of Milwaukee, and two hours north of Chicago. Before attending A-Camp, I had never been in the company of more than one or two queer women. One of my current sources of frustration in life is with how disconnected I feel from any sort of queer community. I don’t have friends who I can easily or regularly spend time with. I don’t have a whole lot of outlets for this aspect of my life.

I attended A-Camp this past October in an attempt to find a community and to make connections to people, and I think I’ve made some wonderful connections indeed. But I’m still very isolated living where I am, and it’s one of the major factors I think about when considering moving.

In the meantime, I’ve started the Badger Straddlers group in an attempt to connect to all the amazing and wonderful Straddlers that I know must be in my home state. Please join and let’s hang out!

I’m so glad you started that group – consider this an open call for all the Midwesterners to join! How did you find out about A-Camp?

My introduction to Autostraddle came during my earliest days of transitioning. I mentioned watching a lot of YouTube channels for information and support. One of those is Translabryinth. The lovely M, whether she knows it or not, brought Autostraddle into my life!

I followed, and fell in love with the site over the next few months and years. I knew about A-Camp, but didn’t know if I’d ever be able to go. Or if I went, if I’d ever be accepted. I’d done a lot of reading about how a large portion of the lesbian community does not recognize transwomen as women. But Autostraddle’s unequivocal support of the trans community put me at ease, and the personal recommendations of my friends Jen and Morgan sealed the deal! Only a month or so before camp was to begin, I committed to go. 2013 is my year, and October A-Camp could not have been a better way to enter this chapter of my life.

Can you talk about some of your favorite parts of A-Camp?

I still can’t believe that, as a native of Wisconsin, my first snow for the season fell in Southern California! It was a wondrous snow kingdom and it made me so happy to see all the campers who experienced snow for the first time in their lives. I sort of take it for granted, growing up where I did.

I had the very best canoeing experience of my life on that crystal clear water of Jenks Lake surrounded by so many beautiful queers. And prom! I danced for the first time since puberty – the first one – and it was so much fun! But most of all, what I take away from camp are the connections. Connections to strong, courageous, intelligent, beautiful people.

Do you have a celeb crush?

I have far too many! Natalie Portman… Amy Adams… Zooey Deschanel… and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention DeAnne Smith and Hannah Hart.

You said 2013 was your year – what comes next?

I’m looking to find some financial stability and get out on my own! I’d love to be able to travel more. I’m looking to get more involved in my local trans* community, as well as get more involved with Autostraddle. I’m also looking to find a partner to share this amazing life that I have.

Do you have anything else you’d like to share with the Autostraddle community?

I’m so very open and excited to meet and get to know all of you! I’d be honored if you’d join the Badger Straddlers group and help me build an awesome community here. Don’t be afraid to face your fears. Don’t be afraid to fail. Just be you… ’cause you’re awesome!

---

If you would like to be featured as a future Straddler on the Street, please email vanessa [at] autostraddle [dot] com. Include a few photos, 3-5 sentences about yourself and put “Straddler Submission” in your subject line. Approximately a million people have submitted so far, so please be patient as Vanessa goes through her inbox — you’re all sexy with really smart brains, and don’t you forget it!