“Gilmore Girls” Doubles Down On Its Heteronormativity By Turning It Into a Joke
Over Thanksgiving this year, my younger sister and I caught up with our dearest loved ones: Emily Gilmore and Paris Geller. Yes, we rode that Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life train all the way through “Fall,” “Spring,” “Summer,” and “Winter.” Returning to Stars Hollow felt like going back to the suburbs where we grew up, where little changes, where certain details will always be true. Rory is still the worst. Paris is still the best. Lauren Graham can still move me to tears by so much as sneezing.
Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life gives its characters cyclical narratives, insisting that all things will eventually come full circle (there are so many circles in this revival that it’s dizzying). But the most static character is Stars Hollow itself. The town, rumored to have been built within a snow globe, is the same as it ever was, an idyllic bubble so simply composed that its landmarks sound like they’re from a storybook: There’s Gypsy’s autoshop, Luke’s Diner, Miss Patty’s barn-turned-dance-studio, Mrs. Kim’s antique store, Doosey’s Market. Gilmore Girls: A Year In The Life pokes a lot of fun at Stars Hollow’s rigidity, which also has larger implications for the revival’s emotional arc, with Lorelai in particular realizing that a suffocating town can be comforting and familiar, but that doesn’t make it any easier to breathe.
In one of the revival’s town meetings, another antiquated but familiar tradition within the confines of Stars Hollow, the characters become extra self-aware about their town’s shortcomings. Town mayor Taylor Doose informs the residents that Stars Hollow’s pride parade has been cancelled due to a lack of gays. “There just aren’t enough gays in Stars Hollow,” he says, throwing his hands up in disbelief.
I laughed. Of course I laughed. I’ve often complained about the extreme straightness of Gilmore Girls. Look, being a queer woman of color and loving this show leads to a decent amount of cognitive dissonance. A 2016 revival, however, presented an opportunity. The revival could have put an end to the bad racial humor of the original run, but it failed on this front: a nonsensical and offensive runner about Emily and everyone else perplexed over what language her new maid is speaking makes for one of A Year In The Life’s low points. The revival could have injected Gilmore Girls with some queerness, but it failed on this front, too.
Very small strides were made. Even calling them strides seems generous. They were teeny, tiny baby steps. Michel Girard verbally acknowledged having a male partner who he’s thinking of starting a family with. Throughout the series, Michel was coded as gay, but his love life remained undiscussed. While Lorelai rambled on and on and on about her relationships to her annoyed but ultimately patient employees, Michel kept quiet about his own personal life. A Year In The Life cuts the bullshit rather quickly, Michel mentioning his boo Frederick almost as soon as he appears on screen. Then, after Taylor’s town meeting speech, a new character gets introduced: Donald, who serves on the musical committee with Lorelai.
And that’s all. That’s the extent of A Year In The Life’s queer inclusion. One character who we’ve always assumed to be gay says he is indeed gay, and another character we’ve never met comes along but we don’t learn anything else about him other than that he is gay. Why, then, did the writers think it was necessary to include a long and very on-the-nose scene self-reflecting on the show’s lack of queer characters? It may have been good for a quick laugh, but the second the scene ended, I was left feeling perplexed. The show’s meta-commentary may have been funny, but it’s ultimately pointless. The writers acknowledge the problem without actually doing anything about it.
when heteronormativity keeps sneaking back in to ruin your life
Self-effacing comedy about a lack of diversity is a cop-out move. What does writing a bunch of meta jokes about a lack of gay characters even accomplish? The writers are patting themselves on the back for being aware of their shortcomings but aren’t working on those shortcomings. That’s what I like to call Rory Gilmore-ing: knowing you have a problem but not wanting to do anything to fix it. (Seriously, that’s Rory in a nutshell.) Maybe if this meta scene had taken place in a revival more serious about being inclusive, the joke would have worked. Maybe instead of putting time and energy into a self-reflexive joke about queer representation, the show could have, oh I don’t know, actually written in more queer characters or hired a more diverse staff. It’s self-aware comedy without any self-reflection.
Soon I will go hoarse from shouting this in the streets, but here’s the key to writing queer characters into your television show: YOU JUST DO IT! Okay, so there’s a little more to it than that. You should avoid lazy stereotypes. You should write nuanced and layered queer characters. You should hire queer writers to help write authentic narratives. But I think there’s a tendency for writers to overthink queer inclusion. Here’s the thing though: As with real people in real life, characters on television usually don’t come out as straight. Heterosexuality is assumed. But that means that just because a character hasn’t had a queer storyline before doesn’t mean that it can’t happen later on down the road. How To Get Away With Murder didn’t introduce Annalise Keating’s bisexuality until season two, and it wasn’t in a coming-out story either. It was just new information about the character’s identity and backstory. It was just character development.
I haven’t stopped saying “Paris Geller should have been queer in the revival” since A Year In The Life debuted. I will probably repeat it at least once a week for the rest of my life. It’s partially a joke, but I’m also kind of serious (alright, let’s be real, I’m extremely serious). Mallory Ortberg put the idea in my head that Emily Gilmore should have a late-in-life lesbian storyline, and I couldn’t stop thinking about that while watching the revival either. But when it comes down to it, Gilmore Girls is as heteronormative as it always was.
This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed a show trying to do meta comedy about diversity. The new satirical TBS series Search Party includes a storyline about a white actress cast as a Latina cop on a primetime crime series, underscoring the absurdity of Hollywood’s whitewashing problem. But Search Party itself isn’t exactly a bastion of diversity with its very white depiction of Brooklyn and super white writer’s room. Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt completely doubled-down on its decision to cast a white actress as a Native-American character last season with a baffling meta storyline that did nothing to address the problem other than scream in the faces of its critics. Saturday Night Live makes self-aware jokes about its extreme whiteness almost every week.
Broad City is the only show to come close to pulling self-critiquing comedy like this off. Last season on Broad City, Ilana gradually became more self-aware of her whiteness. At the end of “Rat Pack,” Jaime explicitly tells Ilana she’s guilty of cultural appropriation every time she wears her Latina earrings. The writers point to the problem through Jaime. It’s a smart and sincere scene that has very real character-based implications. Ilana didn’t altogether change overnight, but she listened to Jaime. She reflected. It didn’t seem like the writers were just winking at the audience. Then, there’s a show like Master Of None, which dedicated an entire episode to Hollywood’s lack of roles for Indian actors. But that worked because the critique was outward rather than inward. Master Of None’s critique of South Asian representation in Hollywood came from a show that actively works against the problem by casting Indians in varied and nuanced roles.
But when a very white show makes jokes about whiteness or a very straight show makes jokes about queerness, it’s almost always going to fall flat. Who cares if Gilmore Girls knows it has a problem? Self-awareness doesn’t get you any bonus points. Being aware of the problem enough to the point where you’re pointing and laughing at it isn’t particularly productive or challenging. Meta comedy like this can make me laugh, but it’s often mistaken for something deep and profound. There’s nothing deep about it. Gilmore Girls remains as unbendable as its main characters. It’s familiar, but it’s still so damn suffocating. More television shows should be working to be more inclusive instead of just making jokes about diversity and representation. In the meantime, I’ll be off working on my manifesto on why Paris Geller is a queer icon.
Fan Fiction Friday: My 10 All-Time Favorite Femslash Stories
by rory midhani
I’m kicking off the New Year by sharing my ten all-time super-top number-one most-favorite fan fictions. I’ve been reading and writing fic since like 2007 and I’ve kept at least one of these stories with me that whole time. All of these are on my Kindle, even though I could probably recite them from memory by now.
Biography, by CanadaBadGirl
Pairing: Helen and Nikki, Bad Girls
Plot: A superbly in-character AU in which master composer Nikki Wade agrees to let award-winning actress Helen Stewart follow her around and get to know her so she can portray her properly in an upcoming biopic. This is the first fan fiction I ever read, and I haven’t been the same since. I went on to write hundreds of thousands of words about these two.
Length: 67,000 words
Despite her reservations, Helen had gone out into the rain with Nikki. They’d followed a trail through the woods for about half a mile and Helen was surprised at how much the canopy of the trees protected them from the downpour. Helen had been walking slightly ahead of Nikki when they’d emerged into an overgrown field on the far side of a particularly dense thicket. The sky seemed to have brightened and the rain had become more of a drizzle. She stopped abruptly and looked around. The whole world looked freshly washed and leaves shivered in shades of emerald as water pearled and dropped from their tips. The silvery sky lent a slightly surreal atmosphere to the scene and she felt the stillness seep into her.
She’d pulled the hood off her head and listened to the whisper of the rain and the patter of water as it dripped off the trees in the woods behind them. She could smell the dampness of the ground under her feet and she’d closed her eyes to concentrate on the faint, heady aroma. Eyes still closed, she’d turned her face up to the sky and welcomed the soft caress of the rain. Her lips curved into a smile and when she’d opened her eyes, they’d looked straight into Nikki’s.
Coin Laundry, by goldflecks
Pairing: Naomi and Emily, Skins
Plot: An AU that will make you forget about fucking Skins Fire. It’s Naomi the artist and Emily the accountant and the story of how they meet one day in a laundromat and it derails both their lives. Completely in character, savagely romantic. The whole thing is just breathlessly written and really funny too.
Length: 79,000 words
Emily gasped at the shock of her bluff actually being called and Naomi took advantage of her parted lips to dart her tongue softly between them, tasting her mouth, the heat of it spreading throughout her entire body. I’m going to take this feeling with me, she thought. Because I can never be this girl’s friend. Her heart contracted painfully as Emily slowly pulled back. And here comes the goodbye, in three…two…one…Emily’s tongue slipped against hers, Emily’s mouth opened as Emily moaned into her, and Emily’s hand finally let go of the brush as she reached down to cup her face, deepening the kiss. The brush fell to the floor as Naomi pulled them both down the couch so that Emily was lying full length above her as her hands immediately grabbed for her, holding her there. Oh god, went her brain. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Her hands tangled into the red hair, stroked around the back of her slim neck, traced down over the worn tshirt feeling the shape of Emily’s shoulder blades, before they slid down her back, curved around her waist and slipped under the cotton to feel her warm skin. Their tongues lashed together as the heat overwhelmed them, Emily’s fingers digging into her head as they tried to meld themselves together. Emily’s mouth tasted sharply of Corona and lime, and some kind of vanilla lip balm. She’s kissing me, Naomi’s brain finally caught up. She’s kissing me and she’s not stopping.
A Pirate’s Life for Me, by RaceTheWind
Pairing: Bering and Wells, Warehouse 13
Plot: Every ship in every fandom has a pirate AU, but this is the best pirate AU of them all, and the best Warehouse 13 fic, full stop. (Which is saying something; there are so many delicious Bering and Wells fics on the great wide internet.) H.G. is a pirate ship captain (obviously) and Myka is a do-gooder first mate of a Warehouse-type ship (again, obviously), and they throw each other’s lives off course so good when H.G. rescues Myka from the cruel seas.
Length: 56,000 words
H.G. Wells was widely acknowledged as an excellent swordswoman. Her battles in the service of the Warehouse were still the stuff of Agent legends and her blade was whispered to have bested every foe it crossed.
But in Myka Bering – a woman raised from birth by a father who had no son and therefore passed all his skills and expectations on to her – Wells found her equal.
Myka wasn’t just good with a blade, she was a natural. And not just with the rapier or the cutlass, but the longsword, the knife, the sabre, even the katana: Anything with an edge to it, she handled as if it were merely an extension of her arm. What had begun as a friendly offer to help Myka regain reflexes dulled slightly by injury soon turned into a daily duel that would have made even the most hardened swordsman gape. The entire ship became their sparring circle, leaving the crew to make sure they stayed out of the way (while they placed wagers).
Various Paige + Emily stories, by Joseph Dougherty
Pairing: Emily and Paige, Pretty Little Liars
Plot: Not only has Joseph Dougherty written some of the best episodes of Pretty Little Liars, he writes fan fiction about Paige and Emily for Amazon Worlds! This man is a national treasure. All of his novellas will make you swoon until you pass out or vomit rainbows. Each of them is set on the same timeline in an alternate world where Paige and Emily meet each other at Rosewood High in 1964. (Bonus: Mona and Ali are really good in the last book!)
Length: Novella-length
There was no one on the street, no one walking in the storm. Even if there had been, someone on the sidewalk would not have been able to see that the two girls sitting next to each other on the glider were holding hands. The table would have blocked their view. But there was no one on the street. No people, no cars driving by. Just the rain. The Earth might have been uninhabited, except for the two girls on the porch holding hands.
Feels Like Home, by missema
Pairing: Redguard Dovahkiin and Aela the Huntress, Skyrim
Plot: It really bums me out that there’s not more RPG femslash. The possibilities in Skyrim and Mass Effect alone are endless. This is my favorite Skyrim fanfic. Aela is such an arrogant badass, but she meets her match in the Dragonborn.
Length: 19,000
The business of Skyrim isn’t about love. The people of the harsh land, the native Nords and those who choose to settle there among the ice plains and marshes, aren’t generally looking for love. There is peace in the wind swept plateaus, and even a luxurious sort of solitude, but seldom do people expect to find love.
It is poetic the way it happens for those in the icy north – they are almost always caught by surprise. Battle and harsh weather are expected, famine and natural disasters are anticipated, bandits all too common. But love and all the complications and benefits of it cannot be prepared for in advance and seldom foreseen. the surprise is what makes the Nords fall harder, because it is always true and strong when it hits them, just like the hearts it inhabits.
Heavy is the Head, by devilinacardigan
Pairing: Mellie and Olivia, Scandal
Plot: What if Mellie divorced Fitz, ran for president, hired Olivia to manage her campaign, and fell in love with her? I know, man. I know. That’s the dream. I love Mellie and Olivia more than words and I hate Fitz as much as I have ever hated any fictional character in my life. More than Delores Umbridge, even? This story makes me very happy.
Length: 4,000
Mellie turns toward her and looks into the mirror behind them as Olivia pulls out a tube of lipstick. She drags the color across Mellie’s bottom lip before stopping and staring at the plump flesh. Mellie feels something deep in her gut clench. Then Olivia kisses her. Gently at first, waiting to see if Mellie will allow it and she doesn’t even like the woman 50% of the time but Olivia’s mouth is wet and sweet and willing against her own. It’s enough. It’s too much.
She groans and leans into it. Pulls Olivia’s legs down and around her waist tightly and it’s been so long since she hasn’t had to kiss someone for the cameras. Since she sincerely meant it. Stephen is sweet, a great match for her, but he’s not who she dreams about.
Boston Marriage, by Jae
Pairing: Paris and Rory, Gilmore Girls
Plot: Amy Sherman Palladino might as well have written this fic for how in-character it is. The dialogue is so perfect, especially everything that comes out of Paris’ mouth. Sometimes in my waking dreams, this is exactly what happened when Rory went to Yale.
Length: 5,000 words
“You’re kidding again,” Paris said.
“Well, babbling. I like that too.”
“Babbling,” Paris said thoughtfully. Then she stood straighter and put her arms behind her back. “As I was saying. I would like to make you a proposal, and I would like you to do me the courtesy of seriously considering it before making a decision.”
“You have my undivided attention,” Rory said.
“I think that it’s time that you face the fact that you will never find happiness with a man.”
Another Country, by tryfanstone
Pairing: Jill Pole and Susan Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia
Plot: There are very few things in literature that make me as mad as what C.S. Lewis did to Susan Pevensie. What a load of misogynistic bullshit that guy hurled at her! So this little ficlet that puts Susan back in the world of Narnia and lezzes her up and uses straight-up biblical apple imagery to do it? Yes, please, and may I have another.
Length: 2,300 words
In fact, it was not a good night at all. Peter and Edmund seemed tired and strained. Lucy’s laugh was too high and the lights too bright. Susan went past, dancing, in the arms of one man after another. Jill felt small and young and out of place, and after midnight when she could leave quietly she slipped away to the stables and buried her face in Puzzle’s mane. She felt rather queer and all choked up, as miserable as if she was getting a cold, but no one got ordinary illnesses in Narnia. She sniffed twice and told herself to buck up, and she was just thinking about patting Puzzle on the nose and going to bed when she heard footsteps behind her.
She turned round.
Susan was standing in the doorway. She was smiling very faintly, and her gown in starlight was all gauze and iridescence and her skin inside it as white and soft as a Christmas rose. Her hair had come loose and hung in shining waves over her shoulders, and her eyes were very bright.
What Love Is, by Semerket
Pairing: Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, DCU
Plot: I’ve read probably 50 fics where Harley and Ivy finally admit they love each other and Joker is the worrrrsssst. This is the very best one of them. It’s intense and kind of dark and but also delightful.
Length: 58,000 words
The rage was now being augmented by a stream of tears, “And you know what makes me so sick? I mean, it makes me physically ill, Harley. The very idea, that after everything I’ve done for you- everything I continue to do- I actually have to compete with that son of a bitch for your affection! I spend all this time and energy on someone that wouldn’t know the definition of a healthy relationship if her life depended on it, which judging from your injuries- it does depend on it. Honestly, I don’t know why I bother with you anymore! You’ll never want me the way I want you!”
She turned as though she were about to leave, but then she spun back around to face the blond, “But how dare you come into my house and tell me that I don’t know what love is!”
Five Firsts for Jenny and Vastra, by gnimaerd
Pairing: Jenny Flint and Madame Vastra, Doctor Who
Plot: Jenny and Vastra are one of my favorite fictional couples ever, and there are so few well-written stories out there that really do them justice, but this one just nails it from every angle. It’s their first meeting, first blood, first argument, first kiss and first time. It’s as sweet and funny and sexy as the characters themselves.
Length: 7,000 words
Another pause, and then Vastra decides that for goodness sake this is all entirely ridiculous, and crosses the space between them and takes Jenny in her arms and kisses her, in the manner suggested by many romance novelists to be the most effective. (Vastra, much to her own shame, has developed a bit of a habit for human romance novels. Jenny reads them all the time – penny dreadfuls and the like – and she started lending them to Vastra and now somehow Vastra has more than Jenny does, although she keeps them hidden under her bed because she’d never hear the end of it if Jenny ever found them).
This kiss is substantially better than the first, though. Jenny makes a sound in the back of her throat like a startled child and throws her arms around Vastra’s neck and Vastra thinks – goodness, how very endearing, and holds her close, and feels her soft and warm Jenny’s mouth is. Her long, thin fingers have found the lesser crests on the back of Vastra’s head and the touch of her hands there is… inspiring, to say the least.
Your turn! Please share your all-time favorite femslash fan fics from any fandom in the whole world!
Rhymes with Witches: Forget Backstabbing, Gilmore Girls’ Paris Geller Fights With Wit And Brains
I’ve always had a bit of a thing for bad girls, and I don’t think I’m alone on this one. Who doesn’t love gals with switchblades hidden in their beehives, girls with killer smirks who drink the tears of their enemies, and ladies that enact revenge without smearing their lipstick? And why do we love them? Is it the clothes, the hair, the make-up? Or is it more about attitude, manipulation, and that pesky sexual ambiguity? For slightly shy girls like me, bad girls let us live out our wildest fantasies. All those things we wish we could have done to that one girl in high school who made our lives a living hell. For these reasons, this column, “Rhymes with Witches” will be a weekly piece dissecting our love for the fictional mean girls that make it hurt so good. Every week, come take a walk with me on the wild side (switchblade not included) to explore the evil women we love on TV and in film and why we love them. Heroes and damsels in distress be damned.
Poor Rory Gilmore. It must be hard to own the face of an Audrey Hepburn porcelain doll, have a mom that is the human personification of Sassy magazine, and have a cushy trust fund that extends from the Revolutionary War to pay for the Ivy League college of her choice. Thank the goddess she had the pleasure to have Paris Geller in her life, to make things interesting and create the ultimate frenemy love story than in Amy Sherman Palladino’s magnum opus, Gilmore Girls.
From the moment they met, Paris and Rory had this powerful underlying tension, be it sexual or otherwise (Rory/Paris erotic fanfiction, any one?). Sure, female rivals have been in mythology and folklore since antiquity, probably even older, but these relationships served (and sadly, still do) as evidence of misogynistic views of women as vain and “catty” creatures, too emotional and envious of each other (and don’t even get me started on “penis envy”) to serve as rulers, citizens or even autonomous entities.
While this archetype has changed little since the times of Athena cursing Medusa to Gorgon status for daring to state she was more beautiful than the goddess, Paris and Rory’s frenemy relationship grew, not from jealousy of each other’s looks or over a guy (even if in the first season Paris might have thought so) but for academic superiority. They feared each other because they shared the same fierce determination and resilience to excel in the intellectual field, instead of an aesthetic one. As the seasons progressed, it became clear how much they actually needed each other to grow and become the strong women they were suppose to be. Rory needed to grow a backbone and Paris needed to view the world as something other than a big test you either fail or ace. It’s complicated and complex, just like their relationship.
What I like about Paris’ “meanness” is that it’s not your usual run of the mill mean girl behavior. Sarah M. Coyne terms stereotypical female behavior as “relational aggression” in the article “Frenemies, Fraitors, and Mean-em-aitors” and examples include “manipulating others’ social standing and reputation through communication behaviors such as spreading rumors, social exclusion, and threats of withdrawal of acceptance and love”. This behavior between girls is theorized to come from an evolutionary practice of women gaining power (which in most other scientific papers usually means a mate) through their appearance. But Paris sees her power stemming from intelligence and academic achievements. Paris moves away from any kind of evolutionary mumbo jumbo and fights with wit and brains instead of gossip and backstabbing.
Teenage girlhood is a kind of torture I would only wish on my worst enemies. Sure Rory had her troubles (choosing between guys, choosing which Ivy League to attend) but Paris truly felt the grunt of a geek solely focused academics and so completely clueless about boyfriends, dances, fashion, aka “girly” stuff. The same stuff I was clueless about too. No matter how many books she read or how many speeches she researched, nothing could prepare her for being a teenage girl. Through her entire run in Gilmore Girls, she’s seen as insecure and strong, smart and lost.
Though her name is not Gilmore, Paris Geller is the true break out character in this gem of a series, as one of the most heart wrenching and complex portraits of a teenage mean girl.
Couch Potato: The Kit
For most of my childhood my parents didn’t allow cable TV in our house. As a kid, of course, this was the worst form of torture I could imagine. As pop culture marched steadily onwards, I feared, I’d fall further and further behind. Everyone would expect me to know things and I wouldn’t. My lack of coolness would compound, I’d be a dork forever, and I’d never, ever be able to catch up on it all.
Most of those things turned out to be true.
As an adult, however, this situation doesn’t seem all that upsetting. In fact, it only noticeably effects my life in two ways, as far as I can tell:
- Pop culture references to The Simpsons go straight over my head.
- I don’t always watch TV, but when I do, I go hard. Like, really hard.
In the end, it doesn’t matter whether or not you succeed in catching up; when it comes to TV consumption, it’s all about the journey. So today I pass the torch to you, kid. Below is a list I’ve compiled of everything you’ll need to maximize comfort and optimize performance in pursuit of the highest form of couch potato excellence: the TV marathon.
1. Performance Wear
How many episodes are there in your series — 20? 200? Whatever the number, you’re in this for the long haul, so first and foremost you need to work on getting comfy. For me, this usually means ditching my pants and shoes at the door and getting into something with a stretchy waistband. Think pajama pants! Yoga pants! Boxers and a blanket in case your legs get cold!
You’re the expert on what feels good to you, so take off your bra and get in there. Actually, you can probably apply this advice to all situations in your life. (I mean, no pressure. I just want you to be comfortable. You look cute today.)
2. Equipment
Nowadays when we say we’re “watching TV,” a lot of the time this actually means we that have our eyeballs glued to our laptops. This is wonderful and convenient but if you really want to get serious, consider an upgrade to Chromecast. (Or Roku, if you have the cash and prefer a separate remote.) This nifty device puts the TV on your computer back on your TV. I got one for Christmas and it’s just the greatest thing. This year I feel a renewed enthusiasm for sitting on my ass. Technology is a magic.
Now once you’ve got your TV casting wizardry set up, I want you to take a hard look and identify any other less-than-optimal conditions in your environment. Are you craning your neck up at the tv? Is your lower back supported? Do you have something to hug in case something scary happens on the show? A lot of problems can be solved with a body pillow.
Also, if you wanna ball like the Countess of Grantham (hint: you do), you need a tray with legs. You may not have servants to bring you breakfast in bed, but you can count on your little leggy wonder to provide a stable surface for your TV remote, cell phone, laptop, drink and snacks. I mean, you can put these items on the floor or the couch cushions, of course, but don’t say I didn’t warn you when you get up to pee and knock everything over. You’re much better off investing in the tray.
3. Fuel
While you’re binging on TV, you might as well binge on something else too, right? If you don’t fuel your body you’re just going to fall asleep and be sad and hungry and stuff. This is not the behavior of a couch potato champion.
When it comes to food selection, potato chips are a classic choice here. Grapes are a healthy and tasty option. I like rice cakes, in moderation, and ice cream sundaes. Themed cocktails are always classy, in moderation or otherwise.
Again, it’s all about your personal preference, but comfort and familiarity are key. You want your attention on the TV, not the unusually slippery new stir fry mix that seems to anticipate your every move and run evasive maneuvers in the exact opposite direction of your chopsticks.
4. Game Plan
I’ve saved the best for last: choosing what you’re going to watch and who you’re going to watch it with. In my belief, there’s a TV show for every situation. You’re going to develop your own style here, but I’ve personally found great success with:
- Orange Is The New Black – I watched this over the span of 1 week when my best friend from high school visited me last year. Entertaining multiple-night house guests can be really hard if you don’t have lots of money, so remember: TV is your friend.
- Star Trek: The Next Generation – I binge watched this in college with my first boyfriend. And my second. I feel like if someone doesn’t get Jean-Luc Picard they’re probably not going to get me, you know?
- Buffy The Vampire Slayer – I watched this on DVD while falling in love with the girl I was watching with. We went for Buffy after powering through Gilmore Girls, and it was the best decision we possibly could have made. This show is everything.
- Game of Thrones – I’ve rewatched this series at least three times now, and I still can’t really tell all the middle aged grimy looking white guys apart. I guess it doesn’t matter that much, though, because they all keep killing each other off. Whatever. I’m in it for the Stark girls.
- Firefly – I watched this with a revolving cast of companions going in and out of the host’s dorm room. I went to RIT, where playing this show instantly attracted an interested crowd. Not sure I’d get the same reaction out here in the non-geek world.
- House of Cards – I watched this last summer on my parents’ couch while I was recovering from a gunshot wound. It was a really good distraction.
- Downton Abbey – Last year I watched this show all by myself one weekend when it was just too dreary outside to leave my house. Just putting it out there, there’s zero shame in solo marathoning.
- Veronica Mars – I’m marathoning this show with my girlfriend right now and we just finished season two. This show is so dark! But good! I’m nervous and excited about what’s going to happen next season.
I could go on, but you get the drift. I watch a lot of TV and so can you. I believe in you.
So! Now that you’ve got your setup optimized, what are you watching? Can I come over? What kind of snacks do you want? Do you need me to bring another body pillow? It’s cool if I take these off, right?
Autostraddle Kits is a series where we tell you all the stuff you need to be/do a thing you want to be/do. Lesbian Activist? Heartbreaking DJ? Wanton Sex Goddess? Food Historian? Sort of like if Amazon’s Listmania and Amazon’s “So You’d Like to Be A…” had a same-sex marriage and then had a baby.
It’s like a playlist, but for all of your senses!
Got a request for a kit? ASS me!
Buffy (and Other Strong Female Characters) Are Saving the World Offscreen, Too
Back when I was a mini-Malaika who wasn’t yet allowed to make my own decisions, I had to go to bed early without watching Buffy. Even though all the other kids in my elementary school were talking about it, my dad deemed it off limits. He didn’t approve of the vampires and the violence.
Did I miss out on what researchers are calling the buffy effect? Researchers at Texas A&M University have found that women have less anxiety and both men and women have a more positive attitude towards women after watching violence on television if the female characters are strong. In other words, watching feminism in action is good for you, calms you down and makes you see gay unicorns. I’m getting ahead of myself though. The studies about gay unicorns haven’t been released yet.
However, I am able to fill you in on the details of the buffy effect study. 150 men and women at Texas A&M University were shown three different types of television shows: those with strong leading female characters and sexual violence (Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Law & Order: SVU); those with subservient female characters and sexual violence (The Tudors and Masters of Horror); and those that were deemed neutral (The Gilmore Girls and 7th Heaven). Although I don’t think The Gilmore Girls and 7th Heaven can be so easily relegated to the neutral category — personally, I find The Gilmore Girls far from neutral because it has Rory Gilmore, one of my many tv crushes. As for 7th Heaven, well, at best it works as a fantastic sleeping pill and at worst is a rage-inducing portrayal of gender roles.
But I digress. After they watched the shows, the students were asked to reply to what I would think would be no-brainer questions such as “A woman should not expect to go to exactly the same places or to have quite the same freedom of action of a man,” and, “The intellectual leadership of a community should be largely in the hands of men.”
Men who had just finished watching The Tudors and Masters of Horror would be more likely to express doubt about a woman’s “freedom of action” and men who had watched Buffy did not give sexist answers but reported higher levels of anxiety. Women reported higher levels of anxiety while watching shows with sexual violence combined with subordinate female characters.
The study is interesting and raises the very obvious point that it’s good to have strong female characters on TV. Still, the research leaves me with a lot of questions and frown lines. The first interruption of my otherwise baby-smooth forehead is cause by the sample size: 150 people is not a lot of people. More importantly, the majority of the students came from the same ethnic background — Latino — and the television shows all featured portray mainly white men and women. I’m not sure how race affects reactions to gender roles on television, but that’s the thing: I would’ve liked to have found out. A more thorough study would’ve maybe included more than 150 participants from various backgrounds and they would’ve watched shows with a more diverse cast of leading ladies. Unfortunately it’s hard to find positive depictions of women of colour on television.
As a little girl, I don’t feel I suffered very much from not watching Buffy, but I think that’s because I didn’t really discern between boy and girl, black and white. I could imagine myself as all the awesome characters kicking ass even when they often didn’t share my gender and ethnicity. Just because I was a girl, it didn’t mean I couldn’t be like Ash from Pokemon. It also didn’t stop me from having a crush on Alex from The Secret World of Alex Mack. I was more than a blank canvas onto which a television stereotype could be projected; but I shouldn’t have had to rely on my imagination to make shows over just to better fit me.
Alex Mack, my childhood crush.
While the researchers at Texas A&M University have demonstrated portrayals that of men and women on television affect our anxiety levels and our understanding of gender equality, shows like The Tudors don’t exist in a vacuum. The men who didn’t think women were capable of intellectual leadership didn’t catch their sexism from a casual viewing of a TV show. Locating the origin of misogyny is not an easy task; for that, you’d have to look beyond media to class, race and cultural attitudes. Though this study is an important clue, it’s still only a piece of the puzzle.
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