Happy Repeal!: 80th Anniversary OPEN THREAD and Cocktail Recipe Swap
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rory Midhani
What repeal am I talking about? The Repeal of the 18th Amendment, of course! The 18th Amendment was the harbinger of a very dark time in US history: Prohibition.
via Andover Trask
That there is a picture of all the liquor being poured out the window of an illegal Chicago distillery. Just FYI. Now also, don’t get me wrong, I’m not claiming that Prohibition was a dark time in history because we couldn’t drink. I’m claiming that because of what it caused and what it represented. What it caused: corrupt government, a shadow economy big enough to compete with the legit one, thousands of health-related issues and deaths due to poisoning. What it represented: hella flawed logic, a real case of government overreach, the end of a lot of craft and tradition. If you’re not familiar with the history of the Temperance Movement and Prohibition, here’s the beloved and esteemed Rachel Maddow talking about it (and also giving out some related life advice):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgQ_WQdTYb0
I’ve already told you why exactly I love the art of making drinks – the history and craft behind it (and maybe also to either be best friends with or become Rachel Maddow). And I’ve already shared a lot of my favorite drink recipes with you (and I will continue to do so!).
Chicagoans celebrate the repeal of Prohibition at the Congress Hotel, 1933. via KPBS
But today, my liquor-loving queermos, today it is your turn. Today, I am asking you, as an 80th Anniversary present to the art of liquor, to share your favorite drinks in the comments. Pictures appreciated.
Skittle-Infused Vodka: Taste the Rainbow!
Hello! Did I ever think I’d be writing an article about alcohol for the internet? No! But that’s exactly what happened after I shared a picture of my rainbow jars with my cabin mates (Runagayhearts!!!) from A-Camp 4.0 on Facebook. BTW, Vanessa can be very convincing, who can say no to her?!
Let me tell you how I got this idea. It started with me going out the night before Halloween in search of a last minute pumpkin to carve. Turns out that’s not the best plan because everywhere I went was sold out. I also had to go to the grocery store to pick up some extra candy because I ate most of ours ahead of time. (It’s also not the best plan to buy Halloween candy two weeks early). As soon as I saw the big bags of Skittles, I thought about infusing it with vodka. I’ve heard of people doing it before but I never had. However, I’ve done the vodka gummy bear thing before and those are delicious. So, I got some more Halloween candy and the big bags of Skittles. I knew I already had vodka because I had just bought a bottle the previous week, but unfortunately I’m not hipster enough to have mason jars laying around, so I went to the hardware store to pick those up.
Here’s What You Will Need:
• Skittles and Vodka* (about 10 Skittles per ounce of vodka)
*You will lose some vodka during the filtration process so plan accordingly
• Bowls or plates or a big table so you can separate all the colors
• Something to filter out the waxy stuff (Coffee filters, French press, Aeropress, etc.)
• A funnel, if you take the coffee filter route
• A mason jar or something with a lid for each flavor you want to make
• Another jar or small pitcher to use when filtering
• Newspaper or old table cloth so that you don’t ruin your table (things get sticky)
• A freezer to chill the final product
• Sprite or ginger ale as a mixer, if you don’t want to drink it straight
Instructions:
1. Start by separating the Skittles by color.
2. Add the Skittles to the mason jars, one color per jar.
3. Add the vodka to the jar. Put the lid on and shake. You will see that the alcohol melts the color coating right off the candy and you will have a beautiful rainbow display.
4. Now, you just have to let them sit for 24 hours or so. Shake them occasionally so everything gets well mixed. While you wait for the magic to happen you could go to where the “magic happens.” Relax, I just went to bed and woke up the next morning and shook the jars before going to work because I’m boring, but you can do whatever you want with those hours. It would be a great time to marathon everything saved on your DVR or finally watch the Lord of the Rings series because you’ve never seen it and people have a hard time believing it (I know, I know, I’m halfway through the second one, okay… they’re just really long movies, guys). Anyway, You Do You!
5. Okay, time’s up! Here’s where the fun/slightly annoying part comes in. You will notice that there is a layer of waxy stuff on top. Most of the Skittles should have dissolved, but you could still have some stuck on the bottom. That is the inside of a Skittle, the part you usually eat, but we will be getting rid of it during the filtration process.
6. Get your Aeropress or whatever you decided to use as a filter and an empty jar/container. Assemble the Aeropress and put the empty jar underneath. Pour the Skittle-infused vodka into the press a little bit at a time so you don’t make a mess and press it through. Change the filter whenever you notice a buildup of Skittle residue. Heads up: it will be often. (I don’t have the steel filter for the Aeropress, but if you do, use that first and then switch to the paper filters. It will work much better and save you some time.)
7. It’s super important to clean everything after each filtration so you reduce the amount of wax that makes it into your drink and also because it can get very sticky and you don’t want to contaminate the different colors/flavors.
8. Repeat this process as many times as needed until you are satisfied with the result. You are (trying) to achieve a wax-free liquid. It will take some time, but be patient; you get to drink Skittle flavored vodka at the end. It’s also not the end of the world if you drink some of that stuff, since you would normally eat it if you were having Skittles in their solid form, so it’s fine. It’s mostly an aesthetic thing because people are less inclined to drink something with particles floating around in it.
9. If you are a bit of a perfectionist, like me, you can use the French press on your final filtration to get rid of any residue left behind. I didn’t use the French press to start with because I thought the filter would be too fine, but it might have been perfect, I don’t know. If you used a French press from the get go, tell me how well it worked in the comments section; I’d really love to know for future attempts!
10. Congratulations, you are finished! Now, you could just drink it right away, but it will be at room temperature and drinks are always better when chilled in my opinion. You could mix it with an ice cold Sprite or Ginger Ale to do the trick. I recommend putting the jars in the freezer until you’re ready to drink.
11. Pour a shot for you and your friends and there you have it, Skittle-Infused Vodka. CHEERS! Taste the Rainbow…Responsibly!
NOTE: Sugary drinks like this might give you a bad hangover, you’ve been warned. Hydrate!
Rachel is a soft spoken Long Islander and a proud member of the Runagayhearts family. She has a super chill cat and a gigantic dog. Sunrises, brunch, and sequential date (number) patterns are a few of her favorite things and she will never not do a crossword puzzle in pen.
Autostraddle Book Club #7: We’re Reading “Blue Is The Warmest Color”
Originally I was going to write a review for Blue Is The Warmest Color, but after the really intense response to our giveaway post I emailed Laneia. “How about,” I said, “I make this here graphic novel a book club.” Because obviously, all of y’all really want to read this. And I do too. And thus it was decided. We’re reading Blue Is The Warmest Color.
Blue Is the Warmest Color, by Julie Maroh, was originally conceived when Maroh was 15 (according to this author talk right here) and published en français in March 2010. Its title, Le bleu est une couleur chaude, was re-worked in English translation to Blue Angel. But it’s back as Blue is the Warmest Color after the film adaption (winner of the Cannes Palme d’Or and reviewed here on Autostraddle) used that title. This book chronicles the life of Clementine, an adolescent with a lot of sexuality questions, as she meets Emma, a bright blue-haired queer woman who answers some of those questions and brings up even more. A coming of age story, a love story and – well – a couple other stories mixed in there, too.
So here’s the deal with the Autostraddle Book Club: let’s all take one month to buy the book and read it. Because it’s a graphic novel, actually getting through it doesn’t take a ton of time. BUT! Because it’s a graphic novel, there’s twice the content to discuss in December: we need to talk story and art.
And! Because I’m the one doing the book club and I also write one of the liquor-related columns, I have a bit of an added element. Queermos, I present to you:
Liquor In The Book Club: The Warmest Drink
Sipping cocktails and reading are two of my favorite things, and I love doing them together. So I invented a drink to reflect my experience reading this book. I’m not going to tell you exactly why – that’s one of my discussion questions for a month from now – but I am going to give you the recipe so you can enjoy sipping on this while metaphorically rolling around in this wonderful art.
The Warmest Drink has two components – the drink itself, and a Vanilla-Rum whipped cream. You should start with the whipped cream. It’s an adaption of Mom’s Whipped Cream (originally posted here). Just to warn you, this whipped cream is legitimately my greatest accomplishment to date. So.
Ingredients for Mom’s Whipped Cream, Vanilla-Rum Style:
+ 1 cup heavy cream
+ 1 tablespoon sugar
+ 1 teaspoon vanilla
+ 1 teaspoon dark spiced rum (I’m using The Kraken)
Directions for the whipped cream:
In a medium or large mixing bowl, combine the cream, sugar, vanilla and rum. And do be aware – you don’t have to be one hundred percent exact on the rum. I overspilled a little, which was a really solid decision. Grab an electric mixer unless you want your arm to turn into a spaghetti noodle and whip the mixture until peaks form. Cover your brand new Vanilla-Rum Whipped Cream and stick it in the fridge. Lick the sprongy things on the mixer and move onto the drink part of The Warmest Drink.
My girlfriend made me put this in here.
Ingredients For the Warmest Drink:
+ 1/2 cup sugar
+ 1/4 cup cocoa
+ 1 dash of salt
+ 1/3 cup hot water
+ 4 cups milk (I’m using 2%)
+ 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
+ 1 oz dark spiced rum per person drinking (again, using The Kraken because it is a perfect spiced rum)
+ 1 dash Bitterman’s Hellfire bitters (that’s Habanero Shrub, y’all)
+ ground nutmeg to garnish
Directions for The Warmest Drink:
If you’re keeping score, you’ll notice I got the Hot Chocolate recipe from the side of the Hershey’s Cocoa box. It’s called Favorite Hot Chocolate, but I’m about to make it more favorite by adding rum and hellfire.
Combine the cocoa, sugar and salt in a sauce pan.
If you’re wondering what a dash of salt looks like in my recipes, this is that dash of salt.
Add the 1/3 cup of water and stir until there are no more clumps. Then chuck that mixture on the stove, medium heat. Bring it to a boil, then stir at a boil for about two minutes.
Then add the milk. Reduce the heat a bit because you want to make the hot chocolate hot, but you really don’t want to boil it. Because then the milk will be all scalded and it will taste weird. You’re also going to want to reduce the heat a bit because you’re going to want to step away and prepare the alcohol part of this drink.
In your desired serving mugs (we’re using smaller mugs because I like boozey drinks) use your jigger to measure out 1 oz of Kraken into each.
Then grab your Bittermans. I love Bittermans because each bottle comes with a dropper. Now a dash of Hellfire is about a quarter-full dropper or 15 drops from said dropper. It looks like this –
When your hot chocolate is hot enough, remove it from the heat and add the 3/4 teaspoon vanilla to the pot. Top your rum-and-hellfire-filled mugs with hot chocolate. Grab your bar spoon and stir everything together. Remember that whipped cream from the fridge? Put a nice big dollop on top of your Warmest Drink. Garnish with a sprinkle of nutmeg.
Options for this drink: when you’re making your hot chocolate, throw two cinnamon sticks in the bottom of the pot. Or! Add a cinnamon stick to the garnish.
Drink, read and be merry! And remember, don’t drink so much of this that you can’t form cohesive opinions regarding Blue Is The Warmest Color by Julie Maroh! Grab your copy in French or in English and let’s get cracking.
Dear Queer Diary: Let’s Get Drinks
Welcome to Dear Queer Diary, a column about the joys (and occasionally, the pains) of journaling. We’ll be cracking open our tiny notebooks and breaking out the rainbow-colored pens on the regular, so get ready to limber up your writing hands and document all your beautiful feelings!
Header by Rory Midhani
We’ve been reading a lot about altered states of consciousness lately, between Chelsea’s High Femme column and Ali’s latest liquor-related post. Perhaps you were feeling a little left out, my dear queer diarists? Well, let me reassure you: Dear Queer Diary is every bit as capable of having a rollicking good time as any other column on Autostraddle!
That’s right, my beloved journal-writers. It has recently come to my attention that drunkenness and journaling are two great tastes that taste great together, sort of like Jennifer Lawrence and alternative lifestyle haircuts or leftover Halloween candy and every meal that I have eaten this week.
What? You didn’t photograph the fun-size Snickers bar you ate at your desk before lunchtime?
The best news is that journaling while intoxicated can get you arrested in exactly zero states (assuming, of course, that your state of intoxication was arrived at through legal means), and statistics show that journaling under the influence is less likely to result in injury than other popular activities like jumping rope while high and making grilled cheese while tipsy.
Though the aforementioned pastimes have almost certainly been known to result in tragically scraped knees and horribly burnt toast, the only negative side effects associated with drunk journaling are atrocious handwriting and the inability to form a coherent sentence—symptoms that have also been known to result from journaling while aboard a moving vehicle and journaling during periods of intense exhaustion and/or emotional upheaval.
The man who owned this journal apparently had “famously illegible” handwriting. He was also gay
(via Queerty)
Now that I’ve convinced you that drunk journaling is, in fact, the pinnacle of what Michael Scott (and also my girlfriend) refer to as funtivities, I have a confession to make. I, personally, have never engaged in drunk journaling. In fact, I have never even been drunk.
This is the kind of declaration that is often met with shock and awe, and yet, I can assure you that it is true. The one and only boyfriend in my personal dating history (it didn’t work out, although not for the reasons with which this readership is probably familiar) once described me as a “teetotaler,” and although since turning twenty-one, I have been known to occasionally sip upon an alcoholic beverage, I am so unused to the flavor of booze that I rarely make it through an entire glass of fill-in-the-blank if it is not at least as fruity as our new friend Tiny Pineapple.
Indeed, the closest I have ever come to being drunk involved a pint glass of cider, 6,181 feet in altitude, and only the slightest dizziness, which dissipated before I could get anywhere near a writing utensil and paper.
The cider in question.
Because of my own inexperience in the realm of drunk journaling, I have contacted several—okay, one—expert in the field, who has consulted in the assemblage of this post. Said expert, whose drunk journaling beverage of choice is an authentic Kentucky whiskey, has nothing but good things to say about her experiences writing in her journal while something other than sober, and as a result of her testimonial, I can now state with confidence that if/when I do decide to get drunk, I will be rushing to my journal posthaste in order to scribble incomprehensible sentences and sketch hilariously odd line drawings.
In the meantime, if you, like me, prefer a steaming cup of peppermint tea to a gin and tonic, worry not! I am confident that by the year 2020, it will be a scientifically proven fact that the effects of journal-writing on one’s brain chemistry produce sensations of relaxation and euphoria very similar to those associated with tipping back a few cool ones. And your pen can’t even give you a hangover!
Unless, perhaps, it is this whiskey-themed pen, paired with this whiskey-themed notebook (the perfect gift for the queer who has everything?) (via Merrily Made)
Are there any experienced drunk diarists out there in the Straddleverse? Determinedly sober journal writers like me? Tell us about your adventures with drinking, journaling, and the combination thereof!
Millenials Love Cheap Wine, And True Love is a Beautiful Thing
As we’ve discussed previously, cheap wine is totally the greatest, you probably can’t even taste the difference, and there’s no shame in drinking it. Apparently, y’all have taken that message to heart because according to experts, millenials now consume 27% of the wine by volume in the United States.
- Via Night Deposits
Right now, there are an estimated 62 million millenials over the age of 21, and in the next two years another eight million will join the ranks. As 20-somethings storm the market, winemakers have been quick to pay attention – and, increasingly, try to capitalize on it. In an interview with Fox Business, Melissa Saunders, owner of wine importer Communal Brands, explained:
“Historically, wine has been marketed to older generations and came with a huge pretense. But this generation is blowing all of that out of the water. They don’t care about the pretentiousness of a wine, they want something that is authentic and speaks to them. This is a huge marketing opportunity.”
Today, wine sellers are updating their packaging, making sweeter wines to cater to millenial tastes, and marketing them using social media.
Frankly, I’m skeptical about claims that my generation is any less pretentious than older generations (but maybe this is because I live in Brooklyn). My gut feeling is that we’ve just found other things to be pretentious about. Craft beer, for example. Do we really love microbreweries in our heart of hearts? Or are we just hooked on the subversive feeling of seizing a “lowbrow” thing and making it “highbrow,” staking out our generation’s claim? It’s probably a little of both, but I think there’s something to the idea that our enthusiastic adoption of cheap wine is, in part, a rejection of the stuffy, snooty oenophiles of old.
Personally, I’m a big fan of cheap wine. My plans for the weekend involve an all-day cheap wine tour through upstate New York. Three boozy stops, eight tipsy hours; it’s going to be awesome. It’s true that you sometimes strike out on taste when you go for the under $10 bin, but that happens with expensive wine too. Plus, you can try more options, because they’re cheaper! It’s not like most of us are rolling in cash, so this is obviously a major selling point. Perhaps the most important one, aside from this: cheap wine makes us happy.
Happy Friday!
You Brew You: Let’s Make the Wort
Welcome to You Brew You! A series dedicated to all things homebrewing. Have you ever wanted to make your own beer? You probably will by the end of this post.
You’ve familiarized yourself with our Homebrewing 101 and now it’s time to brew some motherfucking beer.
I recommend starting with extract brewing, and following the recipe to the letter, because only then will you know how to alter the beer from this basic recipe. Beer begins with grain, which goes through a process called malting, then milling, then mashing before it’s ready to be cooked into wort (the primordial soup that ferments into beer). In all-grain brewing, you will normally start with milled grain and mash it yourself. (Some people will mill their own grains, too.)
In extract brewing, you start with malt extract, and jump past malting, milling, and mashing. Extract brewing is great for those short on time, money and space. It’s also a great way to begin brewing at home.
Since it’s fall, my brewing buddy and I decided to make a dark ale. We got the extract from a local homebrew store (which, incidentally, is in a warehouse that looks like the kind of place serial killers use to cut up and pickle body parts, but is actually full of wonderful and friendly staff that know everything there is to know about making beer, cider, wine and cheese — Beer & Wine Hobby in Woburn, MA). The extract kit comes pre-measured, which is great if you’re a beginner.
Be aware that malt extracts can come hopped or unhopped. If you buy unhopped extract, you will also need hop pellets for the beer. I buy extract from homebrew stores, but you can also buy them from online distributers like Northern Brewer and Mr. Beer. Just make sure you get the right amount of extract for the amount of beer you want to make.
Note: if you’re holding your breath for all-grain brewing, it’s coming soon to You Brew You!
Sanitizing
Before you begin brewing, you must sanitize EVERYTHING. There are many options for sanitizing, from bleach-and-water solution to boiling to sanitizing solution. I prefer sanitizing solution like One Step No Rinse Cleanser. There are many others that are just as effective.
Follow the directions on the cleansing solution. I like to let all the small utensils soak in a pitcher.
Make sure to sanitize a plate to put all your stuff on.
For larger pieces of equipment like your pot, your plastic fermenter and your carboy, pour some solution in and swish for a while.
Cooking the Wort
Now comes the fun part.
Get all your ingredients out and measured. Keep things clean, but you don’t have to sanitize your ingredients because you’ll be cooking all the dirty out of them.
Our recipe called for crystal malt, so ours wasn’t a purely extract brew.
We put the malt in a muslin grain sack.
Then poured enough water to submerge it, and brought it to a boil.
Once the water boiled, we let the grain steep (like a tea) in the water for 5 minutes, then took out the grain sack.
Time for the extract!
Add the hops and pour the extract in. Bring back to a boil, and cook for 30 minutes. Keep stirring to keep the extract from burning.
There will be a lot of steam.
Once the wort is fully cooked, it needs to be cooled. There’s fancy equipment to do this, but we use cold water in a bathtub.
Make sure to lock pets out of the bathroom before cooling the wort. Cat hair is not a spice.
Pour cold water into the fermenting bucket, and add the cooled wort. Add more water to bring the volume of the bucket to 5 gallons (or 6, depending on the recipe).
Reading the Gravity
The specific gravity of beer (or other fermenting alcohol) is its relative density to water. Measuring the gravity of your wort can be useful in telling when the fermentation is complete. Wort will have density higher than water (original gravity), but your finished beer should be around the same density as water (final gravity). Stouts and porters will have a slightly higher final gravity. Here’s a handy chart.
You can also use original and final gravities to calculate the alcohol content of your beer.
ABV = Alcohol by volume; SG = Specific gravity
Using a hydrometer, measure the gravity of your beer. Dip a sanitized test jar into your wort and fill it 3/4 (make sure to sanitize both the inside and outside of the test jar, and don’t let your fingers touch the wort). Put your hydrometer into the test jar and let it float.
Our beer has a starting gravity of 1.042, with a temperature adjustment of +.002, we get a final starting gravity of 1.044.
The 10, 20, 30, etc. mark hundredth increments. So our beer gravity reading is 1.042. You must adjust for temperature according to the table below (the temp is in Fahrenheit). Our final starting gravity is 1.044.
50 = -.0005
60 = no adjustment
70 = +.001
77 = +.002
84 = +.003
95 = +.005
104+ = you will probably kill the yeast, so wait longer for the wort to cool.
Write down the starting gravity in a brewing journal or planner. You’ll measure the gravity again in one to two weeks to see when the fermentation is complete. As a guess, our beer will probably be about 3.5 – 4% alcohol by volume.
Don’t put the wort from the test jar back into your beer. Drink it, dump it, do whatever you want.
Pitching the Yeast
Take your sanitized floating thermometer, stick it into the wort, and wait for it to reach somewhere between 70 and 80 degrees Fahrenheit (or 21 to 26.5 degrees Celsius). Meanwhile, if you’re using dried yeast, pour the yeast into a cup of lukewarm water and let it re-hydrate. Remember to only use proper brewing yeast. It will come with your kit, or ask the homebrew store to direct you to the proper yeast for the beer you want to brew.
Once your wort is in the desired range, you’re going to pitch the yeast. That means pouring the liquid or re-hydrated yeast into the wort, and mixing vigorously with a sanitized spoon.
Ouh là là!
Now put the lid firmly onto the bucket, stick the airlock into the hole, and you’re done!
Will our beer ferment correctly? Or will it fall victim to infection and oxygen, the mortal enemies of good brew? Tune in next time to learn about secondary fermentation, bottling and other adventures!
The Women’s Libation Movement: Oregon’s Full Sail Brewing Co. Makes An Actual Feminist Beer
Yes, not only does Oregon boast a relatively inexpensive housing market, scenic, bridge-laden landscapes and resident badass Carrie Brownstein, it’s also home to a plethora of world-renowned craft breweries. On top of it all, Hood River’s employee-owned Full Sail Brewing has recently elevated my Pacific-Northwest crush to a new level by publicly combining my two all-time favorite things ever: feminism and beer. Oh, Oregon! If you weren’t so dang rainy all the time, I swear I’d gay marry you.
Because they’re super awesome (did I mention they’re 100% worker-owned?), Full Sail has instituted a “Brewer’s Share” program: each staff member gets to brew and keg an experimental beer that they design and name themselves, even if they’re not a part of the regular brewing team. They also get to dedicate all the proceeds from their special limited edition to a charity of their choosing. This time around, Full Sail’s Marketing Coordinator Stephanie Duffy whipped up a Cascadian Dark Ale brewed with ample rich malts and aggressive hops and clocking in at 7.5% ABV and 82 IBUS (a measure of bitterness). With those flavor profiles, Duffy’s Counterpunch, as she’s calling it, is clearly made to give the average light lager or fruity Hefeweizen a kick in the pants.
Stephanie Duffy (via fullsailbrewing.com)
“My beer defies the traditional expectations of a ‘girl’s beer.’ Like many women, I love my beer and I appreciate a broad cross-section of craft brews,” reports Duffy on a Full Sail press release. “Even though the beer industry is still very male-dominated (like so many other industries) I thought it was especially appropriate to brew a bold, strong beer in honor of all the bold, strong women who shirk stereotypes and avoid being pigeonholed. We’re in no need of pandering!”
Duffy considers her bold brew her feminist argument in liquid form. To seal the deal, she named my beloved radical rag Bitch Magazine as her charity recipient. Drinking delicious beer while also benefiting feminist media criticism? I think I’m in love.
Duffy was also quick to give props to her boss, Full Sail CEO and Founder Irene Firmat who established herself as a craft beer badass back in 1987, when the industry was virtually devoid of women, let alone publicly politically minded ones. To stand up and say you’re a feminist has never been an easy move, and I really admire these women for putting it all out there while simultaneously making some killer beers.
“My hope is this beer will inspire further conversations about women’s rights, feminism, and equality, because those are incredibly important and pertinent topics for all of us,” Duffy concludes. “What better place to discuss the philosophies of our culture and world than in a public house over a pint?” My thoughts exactly. Cheers, Oregon, you irresistible beast!
Where to drink:
If you’re lucky enough to find yourself near the PDX area, grab a pint of the hops-tastic Duffy’s Counterpunch at Full Sail’s Brew Pub in Hood River or the Pilsner Room in Portland. If you’re stuck – like me – dreaming wistfully of Oregon’s bounty, try the easy drinking Full Sail Amber or the crisply hopped Full Sail IPA, and donate to Bitch the old-fashioned way.
I Talk to Problematic People in Bars
Once upon a time, I had a home of my own, and a wide social circle, and I never had any reason to go to a bar alone. These days, however, I pinball around the world looking after other people’s pets, which sometimes lands me in places where I don’t know anybody, and there’s only so much internet even I can take when that happens. I may live on a shoestring, but I still like a drink.
I choose my drinking venues carefully and consider my placement in them. I’ll usually sit up at the bar, so that I can observe the banter between the bartender and regulars, which might enable me to meet people without ending up trapped in a corner if any of said people turn out to be dodgy. And hopefully, should anything get uncomfortable, the bartender might have my back. These are things you have to think about if you are perceived as female and you want to go to an unfamiliar bar by yourself.
Over the course of my drinking life I have observed a million solitary men drinking at bars, seemingly content with gazing into the middle distance in between sips, but I still haven’t worked out how they do it without being completely bored. I prefer to read a zine or write a letter, rather than a) staring at bottles, which is dull, or b) staring at people, which feels creepy plus it increases the risks of catching the eye of somebody I’d be better off not talking to. The zine or letter thing is a gamble: people might use it as a conversation opener, or they might see it as a cue not to talk to you at all. I enjoy meeting people, and if I wasn’t looking for some human interaction I’d just stay in, but by god it’s a minefield.
I have met many great people while drinking alone in bars. Sometimes we’ve been best friends for a night, sometimes we’ve kept in touch and seen each other regularly, sometimes we’ve just had a pleasant conversation that lasted for the duration of a glass of wine. All of these are reasons why I still do it. However, I have also had many uncomfortable experiences, a selection of which I shall now share with you. I have decided to restrict my list to those encountered over the past year, and to further restrict that list only to uncomfortable experiences in New Zealand and the Netherlands, and I shall list them in order of least to most awful.
The Woman Who Thought I Was Too Foreign To Understand Poetry
I met this woman after a poetry reading. We enthused to each other about how good it was, then she kind of fished around a bit to find out where I was from (instead of just, you know, asking me straight out). She then declared, “Of course, you probably wouldn’t have understood most of it.” I think I was too floored to comment for a moment, because it seemed like such a weird thing to say. The performance had been in English, my native language, with a handful of Maori words, most of which I knew. This was my fifth visit to New Zealand, and I felt reasonably familiar with the general subject matter; maybe I might miss a couple of historical or place references, but that wasn’t going to eclipse my overall grasp of the piece. Also, I knew the poet in question, and perhaps he would have advised me not to bother coming had he expected my comprehension to be so poor. And furthermore, I probably wouldn’t have been enthusing about the performance just a minute ago to this same woman if I hadn’t understood most of it. I could be wrong, but I felt like a white New Zealander (such as, seemingly, herself, as well as most of the audience) wasn’t going to have that much of a head start on me here. And now here I am, months on, still indignantly expounding my qualifications for understanding something that I don’t understand why I would not be expected to understand.
Difficulty Rating: 1. It was stupid, but it’s not like I often encounter discrimination as a white native English speaker. It didn’t take place against a backdrop of societal prejudice against folks of my ethnicity or linguistic background. So.
The Antisemite Who I Mistook For A Zionist
A new friend I’d met at the bar was asking me about my travels, and another dude interjected with, “Have you ever been to the state of Israel?” I said no, and he had no further questions for me. Due to the very specific phrasing of his question, I presumed that he might be a Zionist with strong patriotic feelings about Israel. I couldn’t have been more wrong. After my friend returned from a trip with the apparent Zionist to buy some drugs, I asked how it went. “Fine, fine,” he said, “but you don’t want to hang out with that guy.” I had already gotten that feeling, but I wanted to know exactly why. It turned out that he’d started ranting about Jewish conspiracies the second they got in the car.
Difficulty Rating: 1. We barely interacted at all, and I never saw him again, hooray. However, I tend to listen to my instinct and ask questions later, and my alarm bells went off as soon as I encountered this dude. I feel that he was the dodgiest out of all the folks described here, and I was glad that he hardly spoke to me, even before I learned of his odious views.
The White Dude Who Demanded I Justify Asian Feminists’ Existence
I’d met this dude once or twice before; he had a really amazing voice that made him sound like he was perpetually doing the voiceover for a Hollywood trailer. On this particular night, he asked what I was reading, and I explained that it was Mellow Yellow, a (seriously excellent) zine by Asian feminists in New Zealand. He took the zine from me and flicked through it looking for reasons to disparage it, while asking me why they were “so worried about being Asian” and “So if I go to Asia, can I write a zine about being white?” “You can write whatever you like,” I said, “but it is not a parallel experience.” This is how I ended up delivering an impromptu lecture on white privilege in Malaysia, after which he looked at his shoes for a minute and then announced that he was going outside for a smoke. I concealed a tiny smirk of victory, and then the bartender informed me that this white dude was known to exclusively date Asian women.
Difficulty Rating: 2. It was tedious and enraging and I also felt that I needed to keep the peace somewhat because it was a small town and I was going to run into him again; but I concentrated on responding to his statements one by one, and felt like I said what I needed to.
The Gay Man Who Hated Dykes And Jews
This gentleman was quite friendly. We were sitting in an old-school, gay-ish pub with few other customers around, and he advised me on Amsterdam nightlife. He had a particular loathing for a lesbian venue where, he said, the patrons were like “apes,” behaving like men while not welcoming men such as himself. “I hate dykes,” he concluded, rather forcefully, before issuing the caveat that his use of the term did not refer to lesbians as a whole. He also hated camp gay men, which he explained via a story about one camp gay man many years ago saying something mean. And somehow – I remember absolutely nothing that could have reasonably led us to this topic – he told me that he also hated Jews, because of Israel. I challenged these statements, and he listened to me, but I didn’t stick around for more. His discussions of the ethnic diversity of Amsterdam put me on edge, because although he seemed mostly to be proud of it, it seemed plausible that at any moment some xenophobia might step in too.
Difficulty Rating: 3. Although I called out the flaws in his thinking, I probably put up with it for longer than I would have if he was straight, due to an enduring search for solidarity among queers which ensures that I will eternally be disappointed. On the plus side, he bought me a drink.
The Gender Police
I returned to the old-school gay-ish pub where I had met the man who hated dykes and Jews, reasoning that maybe I might at least get some more friendly conversation. Instead, I navigated the crowds to take the only spare seat at the bar, next to a woman who turned to me and demanded, “You are a woman or a man?” This doesn’t happen much at all, but since I really don’t feel strongly or enthusiastically about identifying as female, I took the opportunity to respond, “Yes,” which I guess didn’t go down so well. She fixed me with a gaze, and then began to joke loudly in Dutch with the people on the other side of me. I don’t tend to assume that discussions in languages I can’t speak are All About Me, but in this case I was uncomfortably not sure. Since I was unable to identify another part of the pub that I could relocate to, I decided to just drink fast and get going. At one point, I realised that the unnerving gender-policing woman was staring at me again while impersonating my posture and waiting for me to react in some way. Perhaps she was really drunk. Perhaps the whole thing could even have been some really inappropriate method of flirting, which was something I only thought of the following day. Perhaps she just wanted me to laugh and engage in banter, but who the hell knew. I headed home.
Difficulty Rating: 4. Pretty horrible. I didn’t feel physically unsafe, but I felt completely unwelcome, and wasn’t sure whether the other people around me were also hostile. I decided never to go back.
The Woman Who Insisted I Had An Eating Disorder
I took my place at the bar next to a woman who turned and said hello to me and promptly revealed herself to be very drunk. After a couple of pleasantries, she got down to business: “You look sick,” she said. I did not really know what she was referring to. “I’m fine,” I said cautiously. “I used to be like you,” she said. “I had an eating disorder, and I cut myself.” She showed me scars on her arms. “But now I’m doing better.” “I’m glad,” I said. However, she was convinced that she could tell by looking at me that I was in the same place she had been. Here’s the thing: I’m thin, have been all my life. Back in my school days, a couple of people had asked me if I was anorexic, as if that would be a really funny joke, but nobody had made such a comment in about twenty years, plus this encounter was in a whole new category. She wasn’t making an obnoxious joke and it seemed that she was still attempting to heal from what she had been through. I wanted to tread carefully with that, but also, being told I looked “horrible” by someone who was allegedly concerned about my well-being wasn’t my idea of a pleasant night out. She apologised, but a minute later turned to her friend and started lamenting my presence, so I removed myself to the other end of the bar. To my surprise, I was shaking a little; sometimes with drunk people, you just don’t know where it’s going to go and whether they’re going to kick off, plus the bar hazards I was prepared for did not extend to an intensely personal ‘false consciousness’ accusation. The bartender asked me if I was okay and told me about the time a customer took a bewilderingly strong exception to his piercing, which was not the same thing but I appreciated the solidarity nonetheless.
Difficulty Rating: 5. I felt disrespected on two counts – negative comments about my appearance, and refusal to believe me when I said that my health was fine. However, I was conflicted about how best to respond, because she did not appear to be in a good headspace and I didn’t want to make it worse. I remain uncomfortable about the whole thing, found it more challenging than the politically motivated disagreements I’ve had, and was relieved that I didn’t see her again.
While none of these experiences felt great, they provided me with some kind of insight, whether it was about the assumptions people might make about me, or the assumptions I might make about them; or they challenged me to improve my debate skills (in situations where I felt safe); or they gave me a glimpse into where the other person was coming from. My conclusion is that many people are awful, and also they have a never-ending ability to manifest their awfulness in new and unexpected ways. But most of them probably aren’t a hundred percent awful and will have some redeeming features, plus maybe you just caught them on a bad night. (Possible future feature that I don’t feel desperately in a hurry to write: Detailed Apologies To Strangers I Have Been Awful To While A Drunken Mess.) When you open the door to the bar, you have no way of knowing where it’s going to take you. And somehow – maybe it’s stubborn faith in humanity or maybe it’s just that I like alcohol – I’m still willing to give the whole thing a shot.
Special Note: Autostraddle’s “First Person” column exists for individual queer ladies to tell their own personal stories and share compelling experiences. These personal essays do not necessarily reflect the ideals of Autostraddle or its editors, nor do any First Person writers intend to speak on behalf of anyone other than themselves. First Person writers are simply speaking honestly from their own hearts.
Nine is a writer, editor, DJ and international pet sitter, half-based in Malaysia, half-based on the road. Follow them on twitter here.
Stop Whatever You’re Doing, There’s A Wine For Cats Now
Hansen’s Team Pick:
You know those times when you really just want to drink a glass of wine after work, but you’re hanging out with your cat, and she looks like she’s had a rough day, too, and you feel really guilty for not being able to give her some of your cab sav? This kind of thing can’t only happen to me.
In fact, it would seem that this situation is seemingly universal, because a Japanese company has released wine for cats.
It’s wine. For cats. Cat wine. This is a real thing in the real world that you need to know about.
Pet company B&H Lifes has started producing “wine exclusively for cats” called “Nyan Nyan Nouveau”. In Japanese, “nyan nyan” refers to the sound a cat makes (and yeah, sometimes also refers to a flying cat made of a poptart because why the fuck not). I think adding the Nouveau to Nyan Nyan makes it sound pretty regal, don’t you? This ain’t no Franzia for cats, is what I’m saying.
Okay, before cat lovers round the world collectively clutch their pearls (“think of the kittens!”) you should know that Nyan Nyan Nouveau doesn’t actually contain alcohol. It’s made of juice from Cabernet grapes, Vitamin C, and catnip, but it supposedly tastes a lot like red wine.
Apparently, B&H Lifes developed the drink for cat owners “wanting to celebrate birthdays or Christmas with their beloved cats” but seriously, I think I’d give it to my cat just so I didn’t feel bad about drinking an entire bottle of wine alone. And at only (USD) $4 a bottle, this is a steal of a deal. You may think this all just sounds silly, but I say, “Treat. Yo. Self.” If you can read Japanese, here’s where you can buy it all up. But hurry, because there’s only a production of 1000 bottles, so why not just buy 10?
Liquor on the Mountain: Taste These Whiskeys!
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rory Midhani
Back in May, Alex and I told you that you should a) have a whiskey tasting and b) how to do so. If you’d like, you can take a look at it here. Now it’s September and we’re going to update you on all the whiskeys our group will be tasting on the mountain so your presumably now-formed queer whiskey tasting friend-group can taste along with us.
And one huge new thing: A-Camp is being sponsored by none other than Hudson Whiskey. That means our whiskey tasting features quite a few of their amazing selections. We’ll be sipping on –
Baby Bourbon, Hudson Whiskey
via Vimeo
This small-barrel aged bourbon listens to music while it matures. I’m really not shitting you – it’s aged in a room with bass speakers to vibrate the whiskey and make it come into more contact with the barrel (mo’ contact, mo’ flavor). It’s also the first New York-aged whiskey since prohibition. It’s perfect for both sipping and mixing (the video below shows you how to make an Old Fashioned). From the tasting notes:
“Small barrels mean more wood contact, which accounts for its rich, oaky, smoky flavor profile. We never charcoal or chill filter our bourbon, giving you a full-flavor experience. You’ll also recognize subtle notes of vanilla and caramel.”
Manhattan Rye, Hudson Whiskey
via Little Tipple
So those of you who did the last tasting with us know that my very favorite kind of whiskey is rye whiskey. This is because a) I’m actually, in my heart, an old man and b) I like my drinks spicy, not sweet. Hudson Whiskey’s Manhattan Rye is made of 90% locally-sourced ingredients (within 10 miles of the distillery), with the rye grain being grown by a local farm. As of right now, this whiskey is the whiskey I’m most excited about. And! I’ll be teaching everyone on site at A-Camp how to make a Manhattan! From the tasting notes:
Vibrantly bold, spicy and backwoods rustic, with a smidgen of honey and coconut.
Single Malt, Hudson Whiskey
When most people think single malt, they think Scotch. But this isn’t a Scotch, nor does it attempt to be one – this aims to be uniquely American. The distillery uses custom made new barrels for each batch. This whiskey is meant to be enjoyed just by itself, though the below video does make one cocktail suggestion. From the tasting notes:
Intensely deep, woody character with dulcet tones of vanilla wafer and spice.
Michter’s 10 Year Old Single Barrel Bourbon
by Tom Fischer via Bourbon Blog
I really love thinking about this as a bourbon that’s older than most of my friends’ children. Like, this bourbon is a fifth grader. And it’s even more impressive when you think about how old the Michter’s tradition is – the first iteration of Michter’s began distilling whiskey in 1753. This whiskey tradition predates the U.S. From the tasting notes:
Palate entry is sweet, luxurious and borderline fat; mid-palate is slightly smoky, resiny, semi-sweet and delicious. Aftertaste is long, focused, piney, woody and moderately sweet.
WhistlePig 10 Year Old Straight Rye Whiskey
by Lisha Yates via Girl Meets Food
Pop quiz: what do I like better than a bourbon that’s old enough to be a fifth grader? A rye that’s old enough to be a fifth grader. I said before that I was most excited for the Manhattan Rye but dammit, now I’m just not sure which one of these I’m more jazzed about. I’m going to say equally jazzed. And EVERYONE seems to have lost their brain-meats over this rye:
WhistlePig was released in the summer of 2010 to great critical acclaim, earning 96 points from Wine Enthusiast, their highest rating ever for a rye whiskey, a “highest recommendation” from Spirits Journal, as well as accolades from The Wall Street Journal, GQ, Forbes, Maxim, Imbibe Magazine, and many others.
So now this is where you chime in – thoughts? Feels? Who are you drinking your whiskey with? Which of these selections did you use? Do you have a good whiskey story? I want to make this post and this comments section as much as like the A-Camp whiskey tasting as possible. So let’s talk whiskey and maybe see two of each comment.
Cheers Queers! My Revolution Craft Beer Style Now
In my last two Autostraddle articles, I introduced craft beer as the queer alternative to big name brands and followed up with a handful of substitution suggestions in an attempt to sway some of you Coors Light-loyalists out there. For this post, I’m bringing the revolution back home and exploring my personal connection to my beverage of choice: beloved beer.
My Root
The scene: 1987, suburban St. Louis, Missouri. I’m two years old, toddling around my family’s living room on a quiet evening while the TV news blares from the hulking corner set. My dad sits on the couch engrossed in a phone call, an ice-cold can of Miller Lite perched beside him. My mom reclines next to him, reading a magazine and my older brother is belly down on the carpet, smashing G.I. Joes together in some epic battle. Diaper-clad, I make my way over to the coffee table, grab the can between my stubby little hands, and in one fell swoop, dump the sudsy brew all over my head. The beer trickles down my face and into my mouth. I shake my head like a wet puppy, lapping up the drips and proclaiming in the loudest voice my baby lungs can muster, “MMMM! BEER!”
root, exhibit A
Needless to say, my parents had about four heart attacks that afternoon. The six-packs in the fridge moved up a shelf and my brother had an excellent story to bring back to his 4th grade class that next morning. Aside from the occasional (and heavily monitored) sip from an adult relative’s cup, it would be many years before I could fully express my love for beer. And when I could, I did.
The Coming Out Process
When I was in boarding school in rural Vermont, getting drunk was the name of the game. It didn’t matter what you were drinking or how you got it as long as it contained as much alcohol as possible. As a sophomore, my roommates and I cooked up a bread-yeast-and-apple-cider concoction and stored it in re-used Gatorade bottles under our bed. We fell asleep to the hissing symphony of fermentation every night for two weeks and when the hard cider was finally ready for tasting, we had to water down the vile swill with orange juice just to cover up its pungent odor. Judging from what I (don’t) remember, that initial homebrew attempt must have clocked in around 10% ABV. It was horrendous, but we drank it happily. And in big gulps.
During my senior year, I acquired a fake ID while visiting my then-girlfriend in California and brought it back to Vermont with me tucked deep into my wallet. At first, I indulged my friends and faithfully purchased their 30 racks of Bud and handles of cheap vodka, toting them to off-campus bonfire parties and secret late-night cocktail hours. This new access brought me choice, however, and I knew there had to something better out there. My research delivered me to the door of McNeil’s Brewery in downtown Brattleboro. After nervously ducking into the dark pub and attempting to talk shop with the bearded, barely-21-year-old bartender, I selected four 22oz bottles of craft beer and presented my fake ID for his review. He briefly glanced at it, smiled and packaged up the bottles, happy enough just to turn someone on to the art of craft beer.
Those four bottles, ranging in style from Belgian to IPA to a rich coffee stout, blew my mind. When I eagerly brought them back to school to share my newfound passion with my friends, though, they were less than enthused. Some of them had heard of McNeil’s (the owner’s daughter, Taylor, was a year above us) but none of them had yet ventured into the dusty brewpub. And when all you care about is getting wasted, there are about a million more economical and efficient ways to do that than enjoying a delicately spiced Belgian wit. When you’re a teenager, it’s almost impossible not to worry about what your peers think. This was different, though, and I vowed to wave my freak flag high. If they didn’t like it, well, more for me. Four years after coming out as queer, I had officially come out as a craft beer fanatic.
Out & Proud
After high school, I began traveling extensively, which only enhanced my interest in craft beer. Each new region brought with it new breweries to visit and new beer styles to sample. I’ve been to all fifty states and several continents and the older I get, the more I come to value the differences between local cultures. When I visit a place, I don’t want to eat at a chain restaurant or drink a Starbucks coffee – I want to find the little sandwich shop off the beaten path, run by four generations of town residents. Beer has always acted as my guiding star, leading to me from nondescript office park breweries to country gay bars to homebrewing punk houses throughout the nation. Wherever I’ve found people enjoying craft beer, I’ve found community.
After being taken by their Festina Peche peach Berlinerwiess early on, I made the trip down to craft legend Dogfish Head’s Milton, Delaware production facility where those goofballs crank out tens of thousands of barrels of 60 Minute IPA a year while also managing to take on wacky projects like erecting a Steampunk Treehouse in their front yard. When I lived in California, I drove up to hop-heavy Lagunitas on the regular to enjoy their upstairs “tasting loft” — a glorified office designed to fit the aesthetic of a stoned teenage boy from the 1970s, shag carpet and all. Craft can pioneer Oskar Blues was a super welcome sight after a long and ill-advised road trip with my Mom (pictured below), and their Southern-themed Colorado brewpub cooked up some mean fried green tomatoes. My curiosity and Yelp-savvy have lead me into plenty of smaller outlets, too — countless dusty, sidestreet brewpubs where the grumpy locals peer down at my from their worn pint glasses while I saddle up to the bar with all my tourist enthusiasm. Wherever I’ve found people enjoying craft beer, though, I’ve found community, no matter how strange it seemed.
my mom at Oskar Blues
But it hasn’t always been kegs and rainbows. When I’m on a craft beer mission, whether it’s a trip to a pioneering Northern California brewery or a night out at a New York City beer bar, I’m generally the only girl and almost always the lone queer. When a 2012 Gallup poll reported that women between the ages of 18 and 34 now prefer beer to wine, reactions on BeerAdvocate’s online forum were anything but community-minded. “So they must be calling Blue Moon a craft beer?” mocks GuzzlLah of Illinois, referring to MillerCoors’ watery Belgian wheat. “Tryin’ to impress the dudes!” asserted Missouri’s Jake1605.
craft beer: the next generation
Despite the bull-headed animosity, my bartender friends assure me that the craft beer scene is changing and that more and more women are getting interested in craft beer, outshining their (male) counterparts in their willingness to try the newest and wackiest beer styles. I recently read about a gay bar in Jersey City that shifted its tap line from a Miller dominated outfit to a dozen or so craft offerings and the response was overwhelmingly positive. Organizations like the Pink Boots Society are raising funds to send female brewers to industry conferences and training programs. This year, Bell’s Brewery in Kalamazoo, Michigan brewed up a beer expressly for the Kalamazoo Pride Festival, calling the tart raspberry ale “Sparkleberry” and sponsoring the celebration. And super awesome websites like Autostraddle are giving us the space to talk about the wonders of being a craft beer weirdo.
While my own journey continues to barrel forward, I want to use this series to bring rad queers together over a shared passion for craft. Use the comments below to tell me your beer history, where your travels have taken you so far and why making the choice to drink craft is important to you. Cheers, queers!
A documentary filmmaker by trade and training, Meredith develops digital content for Homoground, a queer music podcast, and heads up the female-centric craft beer blog BeerdedLadies.com, amongst other more lucrative pursuits. Meredith is originally from St. Louis but now lives in Brooklyn where she can usually be found enjoying a cold one or playing softball in Prospect Park alongside her mutt, Miko.
Join me at SISTERS IN CRAFT, the first ever Ladies Pint Night at Atlantic Co. in Brooklyn! Check out the flyer for details and join our Facebook event to keep updated.
You Brew You: Homebrewing 101
Welcome to You Brew You! A series dedicated to all things homebrewing. Have you ever wanted to make your own beer? You probably will by the end of this post.
So you want to brew your own beer. It’s a hobby that is its own reward. Whether you drink Bud Light or craft beer, brewing your own is a great way to save money, develop recipes and get in good with the ladies.
What’s great about homebrewing is that you can do it in any amount of space with virtually any budget. You can have a two-gallon keg in your city apartment and do extract brewing in small batches, or you can have a farm where you grow the barley and hops that you then harvest, grind and make into beer. (FYI, that last one is my retirement plan.)
A serious homebrew setup via Manzine
If you are new to the business of brewing, watch this great Discovery Channel How Stuff Works episode on beer.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-uqRyGufT8
In the episode, they mostly show large-scale brewing, but homebrewing isn’t very different. You have the same ingredients: barley (or some other fermentable grain like wheat or rice), hops, yeast and water. You have the same process: cooking the wort, pitching the yeast, fermenting and carbonation.
This post will introduce you to the world of homebrewing, and suggest some ways you can get started without breaking the bank. I’m going to concentrate on small-batch extract brewing, because it’s the easiest and cheapest way to brew good beer on your own.
Ales vs. Lagers
Most beer can be divided into ales and lagers. Ales are fermented at room temperature, and lagers are fermented in temperature-controlled cold rooms. For the most part, you’ll be focusing on ales for homebrewing. Don’t worry. If you’re a fan of lagers, there are ways to brew ales that taste a lot like lagers.
Types of beer. Learn it. Love it. via Beer Wiki
Grain vs. Extract Brewing
The mix of stuff in which you put your yeast is called wort. Wort is made from either mixing malt extract with water (extract brewing), or from cooking the grains from scratch (grain brewing). For the purposes of simplicity, we’ll be concentrating on extract brewing, which takes less equipment, less time, less space and less expertise.
Equipment
If you have a homebrew store near you, I’d recommend purchasing a kit in person to suit your needs. If you don’t, you can get this stuff online at sites like Mr. Beer, Midwest Supplies, Northern Brewer or Amazon. Here’s what you’ll need to get started:
+ either a 2-gallon Mr. Beer keg OR all of the following (recommended, which usually come bundled in a beginner kit):
+ a 5 or 6-gallon plastic bucket with lid and airlock, for primary fermentation
+ a 5 or 6-gallon glass carboy with airlock, for secondary fermentation
+ siphon tubing to transfer the beer from bucket to carboy and then to bottles
+ spring-loaded bottle filler, to fill bottles
+ a large pot to cook the wort
+ bottles (1 gallon of wort produces about 6 12-oz bottles of beer. And yes, you can recycle old bottles; just make sure to clean them out properly.)
+ new bottle caps
+ bottle capper
+ sanitizer designed for brewing (you can buy this from any place that sells homebrew equipment)
To get started, equipment will cost you anywhere from $50 – 100. But once the initial investment is made, most of your running cost will be for ingredients and every once in a while, equipment upgrades.
Recipes and Community
There are a million recipes for homebrew beer. Even with extract brewing, you can get quite creative with an endless combination of extracts, yeast, hops and additives like honey, syrup, fruit, nuts and even peppers. You can find many recipes online. Brewing stores usually sell bundles of ingredients for certain recipes, especially seasonal recipes. You can also go to communities like Homebrew Talk and the American Homebrewers Association. These forums can get quite complicated, though, so for simple extract recipes and their endless customizations, stick to places like the Northern Brewer Forum and Mr. Beer Forum.
Time, Time and More Time
Brewing is not for the impatient. It’s a science that requires a lot of time to get right. You have to sanitize everything before you begin mixing your wort. And I mean everything, from your pot to your bucket to the spoon you use to whatever you rest that spoon on. Introducing even the slightest smidgen of bacteria can ruin a batch of beer.
Fermentation can take anywhere from 2 weeks to 3 months. Once the beer is bottled, it can be conditioned anywhere from a week to 6 months. Some beers taste better the longer you wait to drink them. Have patience, and you will brew some good beer.
Special Note: Calling All NYC Queers!
Autostraddle’s very own Cheers Queers writer Meredith is putting together Sisters In Craft, a Ladies Pint Night at Atlantic Co. in Brooklyn this Sunday. Go enjoy!
Next Time on You Brew You:
Thanks for tuning into Homebrewing 101! Next time, we’ll be getting started with a basic extract recipe. Oh, and if you’re interested in the history of beer (albeit simplified), you should check out How Beer Saved the World.
feature image via shutterstock
Liquor In The Icebox: Homemade French 75 Boozy Popsicles
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rory Midhani
Hi friends, I’m not Austen! Usually it is our darling whiskey enthusiast and cocktail mixer extraordinaire who leads you through this regular column, but I requested to take over for a hot second even though I’m a total lightweight because I feel like a genius for whipping up some homemade boozy popsicles last month and I wanted to brag about it. So here we are! It’s not really officially summer anymore (at least not where I am) and the weather isn’t as sweltering as it was in August when I actually made these, but they’re still delicious and I still want to gift this treat to you and your loved ones. The recipe is based on the French 75, a timeless cocktail, so I don’t see why these boozy popsicles can’t be timeless, too. Drunk frozen fun for everyone, all year round!
Let me tell you some things about these popsicles. They are super easy to make yet the end result is very impressive. If you play your cards right and eat them with a cute girl on a rooftop in Brooklyn you will probably end up drunkenly making out while the moon hides behind the clouds in embarrassment because yes, these popsicles will actually get you drunk. There’s not that much booze in them but you’ve gotta eat ’em fast or else they’ll melt, and they’re also delicious so you’ll probably eat a couple of ’em, and next thing you know you’re tipsy and sticky and making out. Boom. Let’s make this scenario happen for you because trust me, it’s really great.
Homemade French 75 Boozy Popsicles
Guaranteed makeout snack.
You Will Need:
This is all you need!
4 oz. of simple syrup
12 oz. of champagne
4 oz. of gin
3 oz. of fresh lemon juice
What The Heck Do You Do:
1. Make the simple syrup! It’s so easy. Equal parts sugar and water. I always do one cup of each and store any syrup I have left over in a sealed jar in the fridge. Austen has addressed making simple syrup before. You can do it.
This is what your simple syrup should NOT look like…wait for the sugar to dissolve! It should be clear.
2. Combine all the ingredients into a container. Mix.
This is your popsicle mixture. It is also a straight up French 75 which is a cocktail that you can drink right away.
3. Pour the drink into popsicle molds. Or an ice cube tray. Or any mold that can be stuck in the freezer. You have options, is what I’m saying, even if you didn’t run out and buy popsicle molds on the first day of summer in a desperate attempt to reclaim your childhood (which can obviously be easily done via boozy homemade popsicles, right?).
The possibilities are endless.
4. Stick your molds, whatever they may be, in the freezer, and leave them alone for a long time. Like 24 hours. It is probably scientifically not necessary to leave them in for a whole day, but 24 hours seems like a safe recommendation, ya know? Also do not ask me how the alcohol manages to freeze, I am not a science major! It’s magic. Actually it’s probably science but this is my story and I’m sticking to it.
Yum.
5. After you’ve filled all your molds with mixture, if you’ve got any left feel free to drink it. It’s a plain old French 75 cocktail and it is so, so good. Oh yeah, and once your boozy homemade popsicles are frozen, you should eat them. Preferably with another human. Ideally on a roof. Makeout session optional, but strongly recommended.
Hero status.
Congratulations, you are a hero or something. Enjoy.
Cheers, Queers! The Craft Beer Decoder Will Help You Find a New Favorite
In my last post, I introduced all the political, cultural and community-driven reasons why this Bud’s not for you, queers. To recap: craft beer is resolutely where it’s at and choosing a craft brew over a can of PBR not only benefits your palate but also supports small business, slow food and the celebration of difference in a stiflingly homogeneous world. But what if you prefer the taste of Coors Banquet or Miller High Life? What if all you want out of your beer experience is a lime-topped Corona? Never fear – the craft beer decoder is here!
Graphic by Maggie Owsley
As a bartender in a craft beer bar, my favorite customers were always the skeptics. Afraid to step outside the sudsy boundaries of their comfort zones, they nervously scanned the 24-tap beer list, searching for a name they’d seen at the grocery store or on a billboard.
“What do you like?” I’d ask. The floodgates swing open: Heineken, Bud Light, Guinness, Stella. For each Big Beer brand that escaped their parched lips, I had a recommendation, pouring samples into shot glasses and sliding them across the bar with an encouraging, “Try this one!”
So, in an effort to pull you thirsty readers away from lining the pockets of conservative conglomerates, let me suggest some crafty alternatives to the brews you already know and love (or at least have gotten used to…).
If you like: Heineken
Then try: Oskar Blues Mama’s Little Yella Pils (NC)
Much like its import counterpart, Mama’s Little Yella Pils opens on the skunky side, with a pungent blast of sweet malt and crisp, grassy hops. The initial bite fades out quickly and that reassuring, familiar malt fills your palate. Miss the green bottle? Don’t. Beer is a lot like a vampire (the old kind, not the Twilight hunks) – its hoppy body is destroyed by sunlight. The element breaks down a beer’s chemistry, resulting in a sulphuric odor and taste. Luckily, Oskar Blues’ aluminum craft cans keep beer as fresh as the day it was brewed. And you can bring them to the beach! Bonus!
If you like: Corona/Pacifico
Then try: Del Norte Orale (CO)
Ah, the Mexican light lager. Ever wonder why Corona promotes shoving a slice of lime into your freshly opened longneck? Citrus has properties that neutralize the foul taste of sun-spoiled hops (see light anecdote above), so Corona can continue to package its brews in clear glass and steer clear of customer complaints. Avoid the sun poisoning altogether while beating the heat with a Del Norte Orale. It’s a remarkably smooth and easy drinking Mexican-style lager from the Wild West of Denver, sure to satisfy all your taco-pairing needs.
If you like: Negro Modelo/XX
Then try: Anderson Valley El Steinber Mexican Dark Lager (CA)
Sold in in tallboys or on tap, Anderson Valley’s El Steinber is a fantastic example of a big beer style gone craft – an adaptation that uses the general guidelines for structure but adds in some unique touches like a bit of coffee and some sweet grain. Roasty and nutty with a dry finish and a medium-light body, El Steinber perfectly compliments a warm, sunny afternoon.
via bkmag.com/flickr.com
If you like: Bud Light/Coors Light/Miller Lite
Then try: Captain Lawrence Captain’s Kolsch (NY) or Schlafly Kolsch by the Saint Louis Brewery (MO)
American light beer was modeled after a the German “Diat Pils,” a beer marketed towards diabetics in mid-century Eurpoe. The original recipe diminished carbohydrates by over-fermenting the beer. Ironically, though, the long fermentation process resulted in high alcohol levels and thus, more sugar and more calories. American breweries took that concept, added some adjuncts (or ingredients not used in traditional brewing, like rice and corn) and watered the whole mess down, then marketed to binge drinking Americans with slogans like “When you’re having more than one!” The marketing worked and now Bud Light is one of the top selling brands in the country. Opt for something different with an ice-cold Kolsch. This even-toned German style is light, crisp and much lower in ABV (alcohol content) than its hoppier craft brethren. Besides, you can feel better knowing that your “more than one” supports some rad independent businesses.
If you like: PBR
Then try: Narragansett Lager (RI)
This is a toughie – PBR is PBR and there’s not much else like it. Most of its value is social – its reputation rides on its appearance and the hipness we associate with it. Break away from the pack with a ‘Gansett! One of the last remaining independent regional breweries, Narraganasett tastes a lot like cheap beer and is priced accordingly. It also makes a killer base for boiling shellfish and the tall boys even feature a recipe on the back. Plus, it’s tagline is “The Official Beer of the Clam.” Just sayin’…
If you like: Schlitz/Lone Star
Then try: Full Sail Session Lager (OR)
Personally, I love a good Schlitz. The unfortunate thing here is that Pabst also loves Schlitz, so much so that it scooped it up along with a bunch of other tried and true regional breweries and consolidated into one large corporation. Oregon’s Full Sail Brewing Company, on the other hand, is 100% worker-owned, cranking out barrels since 1987. This refreshing all-malt, pre-Prohibition style lager is sure to satisfy your cold one craving and fits seamlessly into a shot-and-beer combo paring. They also come in adorable little stubby bottles.
via thebeeroness.com
If you like: Blue Moon/Shock Top
Then try: Allagash White (ME)
In an effort to compete with the growing craft beer industry, Coors launched Blue Moon in 1995 and it quickly became one of the superbrewery’s top sellers. Anheuser-Busch saw Coors’ witbier attempt and released Shock Top, mimicking Blue Moon’s yeasty flavor profile and orange slice garnish. Both beers, however, pale in comparison to a pint of Allagash White. This citrusy wit pours a beautiful straw color and needs no added fruit to enhance its extremely well balanced, lemonade-like character.
If you like: Bud Heavy/Coors Banquet
Then try: Blue Point Toasted Lager (NY) or Yuengling Traditional Lager (PA)
Long Island’s Blue Point brewery puts out some fantastic beers, including their popular Toasted Lager. This solid, easy-drinking American Amber lager is the perfect pizza shop beer – not too heavy but with enough bisquity malt backbone to really bring that cheese-and-pepperoni slice to life. Yuengling is another great alternative to the King of Beers. As the oldest operating brewery in the country, this family-owned Pennsylvania outlet adheres to the “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” mentality. They’ve been churning out bottles of their refreshing, 4.4% ABV flagship American Lager on-and-off since before Prohibition, garnering such a reputation that simply ordering a “Lager” in almost any bar in Pennsylvania, Delaware or New Jersey will land you a pint of Yuengling.
If you like: Guinness
Then try: Brooklyn Brewery Irish Dry Stout (NY)
Brooklyn Brewery is another craft darling. Established in Williamsburg before Williamsburg was Williamsburg, owner Steve Hindy and brewmaster Garrett Oliver were pioneers in both the revitalization of New York City and the craft beer movement. Their Irish Dry Stout rivals Guinness in that famous creamy body and soft head, and far outweighs it in flavor profile, freshness and quality. You have to try a properly poured Brooklyn Stout to really get what I mean — I promise, you won’t be disappointed.
via bcgavel.com
If you like: Stella
Then try: Victory Prima Pils (PA)
At this point, Stella is really just a fancy Budweiser. Brewed by the same folks with the same ingredients, only a name and some high-cost marketing set the two apart. Victory Brewing Company, however, is no InBev (the corporation that owns Stella & Bud), and their Prima Pils is in a class of its own. Over the years, Victory’s team has developed a special relationship with the great brewmasters of Germany, ensuring access to the best German hops and the most innovative brewing techniques. The insanely fresh Prima Pils represents a beautiful friendship between the American palate and the German backbone and could kick Stella’s wimpy butt any day.
via lieblingsbier.de
If you like: Smirnoff Ice/Mike’s Hard
Try: New Belgium’s Trippel Belgian Style Ale (CO)
So many “non-beer drinkers” are turned off of beer because all they’ve experienced is the sudsy yellow sixpacks tossed around at college parties. Another world is possible, folks! If you prefer your alcohol to come dressed in sweet, try a Belgian ale like New Belgium’s Trippel. This SweetTart of a brew packs a punch full of fruity flavors that won’t leave you with that “bitter beer face.” Colorado’s New Belgium Brewery is also one of the only breweries presently owned and operated by a woman, so there’s that, too.
Cheers!
A documentary filmmaker by trade and training, Meredith develops digital content for Homoground, a queer music podcast, and heads up the female-centric craft beer blog BeerdedLadies.com, amongst other more lucrative pursuits. Meredith is originally from St. Louis but now lives in Brooklyn where she can usually be found enjoying a cold one or playing softball in Prospect Park alongside her mutt, Miko.
Become a Badass Bartender: The Kit
It’s pretty much agreed that a good bartender is one of the best things in life, like a fabulous hairdresser or just the right bra. A good bartender knows not only how to keep you at that perfect level of tipsy while celebrating, but also when to hand you a drink and let you wallow. At some point, I think almost everyone has looked at a bartender whirling around like Wonder Woman and thought, “I would love to do that — if not in a bar then at least at home!” Well you can bartend and I’m going to show you how to get started!
How I Got Here
My story starts two years after I’d finished college: I was working in a small Southern town at a desk job that I hated. After hearing me cry about what I was doing with my life, my best friend offered to let me move in with her and her girlfriend in Los Angeles so I could start over. Within a few months, I quit my job and moved across the country. On a whim, I searched the internet for bartending schools in the city and less than a month after moving to the west coast I was a certified bartender. My plan was to bartend until I found my passion, but it turned out that bartending is my passion! Now most of my life revolves around bartending: I teach it at one of the most respected schools in Hollywood (okay, so I’m biased), I bartend regularly for a wedding venue in Culver City, and I have brand reps and private clients I make myself available to whenever the need arises. Bartending is fun and I don’t want anyone to think it’s as intimidating as I once did, so I wrote this kit to help all you little lovebugs see just how accessible it can be.
Things to Buy
Let’s start with the basics! You’ll need a mixing tin to chill and mix everything (it looks so much classier than pouring between two Solo cups and you’ll be able to show off those biceps you’ll earn from lifting full bottles). They aren’t super expensive and they come in all sorts of fun styles!
You’ll also need a pony and jigger so you can measure what you’re pouring. The smaller side is usually half an ounce and the larger, one ounce.
Get a waiter’s corkscrew/wine key. I know they can be testy, but they work better than almost any other corkscrew when the bottle has real cork. And practicing how to use it will give you an excuse to enjoy a few bottles of wine!
Wear black! One of the best parts about bartending is that you get to buy new clothes. You’ve probably noticed that bartenders are almost always wearing black: it’s so we can hide our messes. I’ve got a terrible habit of spilling cranberry juice all over myself, and the beauty of black clothing is that no one ever knows! It’s like magic! Don’t buy anything expensive or super fancy, because chances are high that you will ruin it at some point, so hit up Goodwill and local thrift shops for affordable bartending attire.
A bus pass or metro card (or money for a taxi, Sidecar, Lyft, Uber, whatever means you have to get home safely). Weirdly enough, bartenders are infamous for getting DUIs. If you’re playing bartender at your friend’s birthday party across town, you will totally want to drink too. Do it, but be smart about it and make sure you can make it home without putting your beautiful body or anyone else’s at risk.
Get Educated
My favorite way to learn drinks outside of schooling is basic curiosity. Every time I go out, I watch the bartender. I know it seems nerdy but, holy smokes, it’s so interesting to see everything going on back there! I once walked out of a restaurant after I saw the bartender clean her mixing tin by pulling used mint leaves out with her dirty hands. Ugh. Most of the time, you’ll get see awesome things like neon purple drinks and cool ways to swing bottles, so then simply ask the bartender (if s/he’s not swamped) to lay some wisdom on you (and tip well if they do)!
Please don’t base any beliefs about bartending on this film: it’s beyond ridiculous
via IMDB
Learn some recipes! You already know that the web is a treasure trove of information — like Ali’s Liquor In The column, where you can find tons of creative recipes for your queer drinking needs. Webtender is a great site to reference. Focus on learning some recipes that you can whip out at a party. Pick recipes based on your favorite liquor so you can make drinks outside of the typical vodka and cran. Vodka mixes with almost anything and Jack Daniels is great with carbonated drinks. An easy way to mix drinks is to memorize the 1-2-3 rule.
The 1-2-3 Rule
1 part Triple Sec
2 parts liquor of choice
3 parts sweet and sour mix
Follow this and you can make all sorts of drinks. If you use vodka, you get a Lemon Drop. If you use Jack, you get a Lynchburg Lemonade. Try it with tequila, and you’ll have a refreshing Margarita. Brandy or Cognac makes a yummy Sidecar (make sure you put a sugar rim on the glass). Play with it and prepare for delicious results!
Show Off How Special You Are
If you want to own the bartender role, you have to figure out what makes you a special sunflower and embrace that. This is what most people think of as “conversation starters:” hot pink lipstick, a beautifully coiffed faux hawk, some supa sexy suspenders, whatever! I have a coworker who has an homage to Alice and Wonderland tattooed into a sleeve on her arm, which always brings people to the bar, and another coworker who likes to wear mismatched earrings because of the comments they receive. Find your thing and run with it! Purple contacts, a standout necklace, anything that makes it you a little bit different will let you stand out from everyone else at the party.
This is me standing waaaay out
Now is the time to bring out your attitude. Bartending is one of the very few service industry jobs in which the customer is not always right. When you get sassed as a bartender, you can usually get away with sassing back. In fact, having a strong backbone and some degree of attitude is just as important as being able to recommend good vodka. Working bartenders have a legal responsibility to cut people off when they are drunk but even when acting as a bartender at home with your friends, you have to pony up and confiscate the car keys when your best friend starts laying down creepy pick-up lines on your friend from work. If you experience a moment of low confidence, create a sassy bar persona and fake it. Before you know it, you’ll start throwing out witty lines à la Debbie Novotny without a care in the world.
If, after playing around with bartending at home, you decide that you want to delve further and work as a bartender, I strongly advise that you get trained. Here’s the thing: anyone can pick up a copy of The Playboy Bartender’s Guide or download a bartending videogame and memorize a few drinks BUT that won’t teach you the comfort you need to have with liquor bottles and bar tools. And even more importantly, you won’t gain the legal information you need to be a working girl. Did you know that in the state of California, you can spend six months in jail and pay a fine just for accidentally serving a 20 year old? If you don’t know what to look for on a fake ID, your approval of a bad fake may not be a viable excuse in court. You need to be informed in order to save your own ass. Most of the schools can teach you what you need to know in about two weeks — covering everything from drink recipes, legal issues, liquor history, and bar etiquette — and you’ll have fun along the way. If you live in the states, check out Professional Bartending Schools of America to find a location near you.
A typical bartending school
I hope after reading this you throw awesome house/apartment/beach/camp parties, get a thousand requests for the crazy drinks you whip up and impress that cute girl you’ve been oogling with your new badass bartending skillz. It’s summer: go forth, celebrate, and let me know how it goes in the comments!
Cheers, Queers! Craft Brews Are the Queers of the Beer World
Feature Image via beerdedladies.com
When I set out to write a series on queers and craft beer, I was surprised by how little has actually been done on the subject. While the queer, and especially the queer girl, community might not be the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks about the macho, rugged boy’s club culture that has come to be synonymous with beer and brewing – think: know-it-all bearded fellows in flannel shirts, stirring bubbling buckets of homebrew in their man dens while their buddies shoot pool nearby – to me, it’s a natural pairing. And as a queer who spends at least 70% of my day thinking about, writing about, dreaming about or imbibing this delicious and fascinating beverage, I can’t wait to attempt to fill this journalistic and cultural void.
Lesbros
via beerdedladies.com
Despite its straight-white-male reputation, craft beer as an industry and movement is actually pretty damn queer. The business was founded on the principles of experimentation, improvisation, collaboration and working class ingenuity. The craft beer pioneers were dissatisfied with the mainstream telling them what to drink and trying to trick them with advertising so they ventured out on their own, inventing guides to homebrewing and transforming abandoned factories into breweries that cranked out frothy kegs shipped out for communal enjoyment amongst friends instead of pounding cans alone in front of the tube. The odds were against these early brewers: they had very little money and were competing tap for tap with multi-billion dollar titans of industry (over 90% of this fine country’s beer is produced by only two corporations…). But, just like us resilient queers, these folks survived on love, pride and an enduring devotion to community building.
My love for craft beer began in college, the same year I was introduced to the queer music scene. To me, the two worlds fit together perfectly – people unsatisfied with mainstream consumerism weren’t just sitting around, miserably swallowing the MTVs and the Coors Lites – they were taking a risk and producing their own ish, sharing their creative expression with their communities and encouraging likeminded folks to follow suit. I won’t even go into the political differences between big beer and the microbrews, but let’s just say it’s about as stark as between an Autostraddle reader and a Guns & Ammo devotee.
So, as gay pride parades sweep across the nation this month, be mindful of your local tea dance’s beer sponsor. Is that a Coors logo? A cherry red Budweiser label? Are the girls in the bikinis drinking dripping wet Coronas or are they pouring pitchers of Miller Lite down each other’s shirts? Don’t be fooled by the rainbow lanyards and free Bud Lite bottle openers – these corporations will happily take your hard earned cash and divert it to Focus on the Family. Drink smart, do your research and expand your palate. Think craft beer is just for rich snobs? Trade in your PBR for a crisp Narragansett tall boy or a bottle of Shiner Bock and feel good about where those two bucks went. Beer is a common drink and should be a celebrated as common drink by honoring the hardworking, independent brewers that produce it instead of a multibillion dollar industry full of automated canning lines and conservative funding.
Most of all, both queers and craft beers are about friends and community. Share a few cold ones with some friends and introduce them to beer that tastes amazing. Talk to other queers about what they’re drinking, pick up a book like Christina Perozzi and Hallie Beaune’s The Naked Pint or read a female-oriented beer blog like Beerded Ladies (ok, shameless plug). In my experience, being queer is all about demanding the right to be different, to resist the mainstream. Let’s embrace craft beer as a fellow comrade in the fight to be as weird and offbeat as we want to be. Cheers, queers!
A documentary filmmaker by trade and training, Meredith develops digital content for Homoground, a queer music podcast, and heads up the female-centric craft beer blog BeerdedLadies.com, amongst other more lucrative pursuits. Meredith is originally from St. Louis but now lives in Brooklyn where she can usually be found enjoying a cold one or playing softball in Prospect Park alongside her mutt, Miko.
Liquor In The Beer: Hatter Day #2, My Fourth of July Drink
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rosa Middleton
I will never give you a red, white or blue (or all three) drink for Fourth of July, because I am cheesy but not that cheesy. Also as cute as themed drinks are, the matchy-matchy-ness of a certain cocktail doesn’t necessarily make it the best drink for the occasion – does that sugary drink REALLY compliment your grilled portobello? Do patriotic jello shots REALLY go with your fresh mozz veggie burger? No. Queermos, I submit to you that we, as a nation of barbequing, apple-pie-eating, picnic-having, fireworks-watching U.S. gaybo humans, would rather have a drink that tastes good rather than one whose colors match your Party City decorations.
That’s why I present to you the Hatter Day #2, a recipe re-published with enthusiastic permission from New Holland Brewery and Distillery, because they love us. This is a beer cocktail and, in my opinion, it tastes like summer.
You Will Need:
1 oz Gin (I’m using Knickerbocker)
3/4 oz Saint Germain
1/4 oz lemon juice (you can buy this, or you can juice your lemons!)
one dash orange bitters (I’m using Fee Brothers)
1 bottle of White Hatter beer
a lemon for garnish
ice
a juicing apparatus if you’re juicing your lemons
First, let’s talk about lemon juice. You can absolutely buy the little plastic lemon from the store. But I can 135% guarantee you that you can taste the difference between fresh juice and not-fresh juice. If you have acces to some kind of juicing mechanism, take that option. It will taste better. You can also get more juice out of lemons than one may realize. So I juiced two lemons and still had a TON of juice left over after making two of these Hatter Day #2s.
Fill your shaker halfway with ice and combine the lemon juice, gin, Saint Germain and orange bitters. Now a dash isn’t super precise here, unlike the liquor which WE WILL ALWAYS MEASURE ALL THE TIME FOREVER AND EVER AMEN. I like to do one hard shake of the bitters into the shaker because Fee Brothers has that little cap on it. Sometimes two hard shakes if I’m feeling adventurous and want a more generous dash. Today was an adventurous day. Dashing!
Measure Your Darn Liquor
Shake vigorously and strain into a Belgian ale glass. Now this drink doesn’t look particularly interesting. Yet. Because basically it’s just boozey lemonade.
But now to add the magic ingredient, White Hatter. It’s a Belgian-style white ale brewed in Michigan and has ingredients that seem to go with this drink (lemon peel, orange peel) and some that don’t seem to, but are super delicious none-the-less (white pepper, for instance). Now I admit, it can be a little challenging to find White Hatter, especially with the fourth happening this week. So give mixing and matching a try if you can’t get your hands on it in time (but seriously, I really REALLY like this beer, like I’m going to get another supply of it at a store 45 minutes away from my house right after I finish this article, that’s how much I like it).
Top the mixed portion of the drink with the White Hatter. Pour the beer down the side of the glass like you normally would, so you don’t get a crazy head on this cocktail. Just FYI, it does this really cool thing where you can see everything mix together for a hot second.
And then it’s all mixed, just by itself. Because bubbles and pouring and agitation. In fact, the bubbles are why you should use a Belgian ale glass for this. The glass is small enough on the top that the bubbles stay in for longer. Also it’s damn pretty.
You can garnish with those cheater lemon twists I mentioned last time. You could probably also do a wedge or slice in this too and have it look and smell just as lemony-awesome.
What I wanted to eat with it: Vegetables fresh of the grill, like corn. OMG, corn. And vegan hot dogs.
What I would do differently next time: Change the garnish. The lemon twists, while lovely, look a little bit swallowed by the sheer size of this. I think a wedge on the edge is the way I would go.
Liquor In the Garden: The Wimbledon Is The Perfect Cocktail For a Garden Party
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community – they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rosa Middleton
Wimbledon occurs from June 24th to July 7th, which you might already know if, like me, you grew up with a brother that played tennis and can still name his favorite players and the chances they have at Wimbledon. Wimbledon is a chance to dress in white and soak up the sun. It is a chance to swoon over Serena Williams. And in this case, it is the name of a cocktail recipe created by the folks at New Holland Artisan Spirits (not just a brewery, but also a distillery!). If you’re a tennis fan, I wanted to give you ample time to dry run this cocktail before your Wimbledon Viewing Parties. If you’re not a tennis fan, this cocktail is perfect for dinner parties, garden parties, parties where you’d like to have a go at being fancy as fuck.
You will need:
1 1/2 oz. gin. I’m using Knickerbocker Gin, because New Holland made the recipe and they also made this gin. And also this gin is delicious.
1 oz. Pimms No. 1. For more inspiration on what to do with Pimms, see Kristen.
3/4 oz simple syrup. Now you can buy this. Or you can make it for so much cheaper. We will go over this.
2 Strawberries. The recipe calls for 1-2 strawberries, but it’s really warm out so go with two because I feel like it. Strawberries rule.
1 lemon for garnish
A shaker. You guys. I shattered the pint glass to my Boston Shaker right before making this drink. I have a sad and now I also have a Parisian Shaker.
A cutting board
A knife
A martini glass (or many more martini glasses if you’re using this as a party recipe)
Ice
To make the simple syrup, you will need:
Equal parts sugar and water. Because I was making this drink for multiple people and I needed simple syrup for other drinks, I went with 1 cup sugar and 1 cup water. But you don’t have to make that much simple syrup if you don’t want to. Follow your heart.
A pot to heat this in
Something to heat it with
Put the sugar and water into a pot, bring the whole thing to a boil.
Once it’s rolling, reduce the heat to simmer and stir until all the sugar is disolved. Store in a clean jar or a bottle with one of these fabulous doohickies for up to a month.
Now, to make the Wimbledon:
Chill your martini glass(es) by filling them with ice.
Roughly chop your strawberries into smaller strawberry pieces.
Dump them into the bottom of your shaker and take your muddler in hand! Muddle the crap out of those strawberries, but not too much.
It should kind of look like a strawberry pulp. Like this:
Muddling releases the strawberry juice so that when you shake your drink, you get the full flavor of those strawberries.
Now the recipe doesn’t say shake with ice, but it’s warm out and I feel like it. So after your strawberries are in the bottom of your shaker all muddled and delicious, fill your shaker about halfway with ice. Combine the 1 1/2 oz gin with the 1 oz Pimms and 3/4 oz simple syrup.
Shake vigorously. Always shake over your shoulder with your back to no one and nothing valuable, in case of accidents.
The recipe says to fine strain, which I usually accomplish by using my Hawthorne strainer (yes, I take the cap off my Parisian Shaker just to use my Hawthorne strainer because I like it better) and then also pouring the cocktail through a tea strainer into a glass. But dammit, this recipe has Pimms in it, and I am used to fruit in the bottom of my Pimms. So because it’s warm and I feel like it, I didn’t fine strain. I AM A REBEL. I want some damn strawberry pulp in the bottom of my fancy cocktail. I just dumped the ice out of my martini glass and regular strained into it.
Lemon twist to garnish! Now if you’re like me, you don’t have the coordination to make a real lemon twist. So I will show you how to cheat on the lemon twist.
Cheater Lemon Twists:
Slice a round piece of the lemon. Cut the rind of the lemon slice.
Optional: eat the lemon guts. Then wash your hands because gross, your fingers were in your mouth.
Wrap the lemon rind around your finger. It will hold its shape.
And there you have it! The Wimbledon! Thanks to the folks at New Holland for the killer recipe!
What I would do differently next time: muddle mint in with the strawberries.
What I wish we were eating with this drink: cucumber sandwiches, watermelon and feta salad, more cucumber sandwiches.
A word to the wise: This cocktail is sweet. It is sometimes not apparent that you have consumed a lot of alcohol. Stay safe, use moderation.
Liquor On The Mountain: We’re Having a Whiskey Tasting And You Should Too
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community– they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rosa Middleton
Ah, the power of buying alcohol in a large group of queermos – if you haven’t done it before, you should probably do it now. Why? Because you can get really amazing bottles to try that might be out of your budget otherwise and you’ll be trying those bottles in really excellent company. It can also give you an idea of exactly what kind of amazing alcohol you like enough to splurge on for your personal collection. In fact, liquor tastings of any kind are on me top ten list of Things I Love To Do. This week, we are tasting whisky/whiskey atop the mountain. And we think you should join us. Here’s how.
via Shutterstock
Step 1: Round Up Some Queermos, Decide On A Budget
How many of you want to taste and how much do y’all collectively want to spend? If you get 15 people who each spend 20 dollars, you get a budget of $300. For five dollars more a person, you can have a $400 budget for the actual purchasing of the whisky/whiskey, which can get you some super nice options.
Step 2: Choose Your Whisky/Whiskey
This is, of course, both the hard part and the fun part.
First, we recommend knowing revisiting this primer on how to drink whisky/whiskey, by Laneia and the team. It will even tell you why we keep typing “whisky/whiskey” – in fact, we’ll show you that part right here:
Ali’s secret to choosing whisky/whiskey is to make Alex Vega do all the work while sending her a million emails that say “make sure to pick a rye because I basically have the personality of a grumpy 93-year-old man and I really like rye. PICK RYE! PLEASE!” And then listen to this podcast over and over.
Vega, however, actually had a plan. What she did was get Jim Murray’s Whisky Bible and read it as if it were a novel. Then made her picks, which are:
From the Jim Murray 2013 Whiskey Bible: “A greatly improved bourbon that is beginning to feel more at home in its sweet, vaguely spicy surroundings.” (Score: 83.5 out of 100) The original Old Fitzgerald was introduced in 1870 and soon became an exclusive Bourbon of railroad and steamship barons and was uniquely suited to the culture of the Old South. It has a higher wheat content than other Bourbons.
W. L. Weller Special Reserve (bourbon)
From the Jim Murray 2013 Whiskey Bible: “Pleasant stuff which sings a fruity tune and is ably backed by subtle spice.” (Score: 83 out of 100) A roughly 7-year-old whiskey known as “The Original Wheated Bourbon.” Only a small majority of bourbons are wheaters, which differ from other bourbons in their mash bill – wheat takes the place of rye as the flavor grain during production. The wheat imparts a softer characteristic to the drink and is a bit smoother because the rye spiciness is absent. Other wheated bourbons include Maker’s Mark, other W.L. Weller bottlings, Old Fitzgerald, and several of the Van Winkles.
Four Roses Single Barrel (bourbon)
From the Jim Murray 2013 Whiskey Bible: “Wonderful! In so many ways, the quintessential delicate bourbon. But one of the most attractive for chocoholics too…” (Score: 94 out of 100) Known for it’s festive “sweet and spice” taste.
Dalwhinnie 15 Year Old (Scotch)
From the Jim Murray 2013 Whiskey Bible: “A malt it is hard to decide whether to drink or bath in: I suggest you do both. One of the most complete mainland malts of them all. Know anyone who reckons they don’t like whisky? Give them a glass of this – that’s them cured. Oh, if only the average masterpiece could be this good.” (Score: 95 out of 100) From the Highland region in Scotland, this single malt is a favorite among many. A real treat for anyone and everyone who calls themselves a whisky drinker, and should be a great first taste of a scotch for those who have yet to be introduced!
Won the 2013 Jim Murray Whiskey Bible “Whiskey of the Year” with a score of 97 out of 100. So pretty much that’s all I have to say about our fifth and final taste. It’s one of the Buffalo Trace Antique Collection limited annual releases. We’re excited about this one.
Don’t taste more than five at a time. Some sources say you’ll “overwhelm your palette,” but we think you’ll just be too drunk to appreciate the taste. Remember, a whiskey tasting isn’t about getting drunk. It’s about tasting whiskey. If you’re having trouble picking, try choosing a theme. “Historic Ryes of the American South” or “From the Scottish Highlands.” Something like that.
Step 3: Round Up Your Accouterments
There are a few additional things you need for a whiskey tasting, not the least of which is glassware. Glassware is important for any alcohol experience – and for a whiskey tasting, your glass should have a stem and be tulip shaped. The stem is so you don’t heat the whiskey up with your hands while you’re tasting it – you hold the glass by the stem (similar to when you’re drinking white wine or champagne). The tulip shape helps distribute the smell when you stick your nose in the glas (we’ll talk about that in a bit). Because we’ll be on a mountain and can’t very well take 20 glass snifters onto a camp ground, we’ll be using plastic wine glasses to get the (approximate) shape and the stem.
via Shutterstock
You’ll also need a palette cleanser. We’re using unsalted crackers (oyster crackers). Nibble on them between tastings to get the taste out of your mouth and prep for a new taste.
You probably also want to serve some light food so y’all don’t accidentally get shit-faced. The food you pick will be mostly based on the whiskey you pick, so do a bit of research to see what pairs well. Cheese is Ali’s fave option because she likes cheese more than people should probably like cheese.
Step 4: Taste The Rainbow Whiskey
Okay, so we don’t subscribe to the snobbiness of a tasting as much. If you taste a whiskey you like, you like it. You don’t necessarily have to wax poetic on how much you love the black current and vanilla undertones if you don’t want to. But there are a few things you can do to maximize your enjoyment that might look silly from the outside. They aren’t silly, we promise.
- Start with the younger whiskeys and end with the oldest.
- Cut whiskeys younger than 15 years with water. Still water, filtered. No sparkling. That’s just weird.
- Don’t use ice.
- Pour 1/2 an oz. Or 3/4 of an oz if you’re brave. Or like, maybe much less than that. But don’t get cocky with how much you’re pouring, especially when you’re on a mountain. They are not joking about drinking at a high altitude. They are really not joking.
- Take note of the color. Make sure you’re in a well-lit room so that you can take note of the color. The visual aspect of any food or drink is part of the enjoyment, and whiskey is beautiful.
- You know that thing people do where they swirl the whiskey around in a glass? Basically, that stirs up the smell so that when you stick your nose in your glass, you can really get a good whiff. Smell is part of the whole experience too, so don’t worry about looking like a douchebag. Stick your nose in that glass. Enjoy.
- When you sip the whiskey, make sure it hits all the parts of your mouth. Different parts of your mouth taste different things, so make sure everywhere gets a little love.
- Some people say spit. We say swallow. You want to know how it feels, how it goes down, what the finish is like. After all, this is for drinking. You want to have the experience of actually drinking it.
- If you taste something you like, write it down! Write down why. That way, when you go to add the whiskey to your personal collection, you’ll remember what it is and why you liked it. Based on why you liked it, your resident whiskey expert may be able to recommend something else you might like. Conversely, if you taste something you don’t like, write it down and write down why. That way you know what not to spend your money on in the future.
- Don’t get hammered. Seriously. Don’t. You won’t enjoy the tastes as much, and you won’t enjoy the company as much, and it will be harder to get that cute friend-of-a-friend’s phone number.
That’s it for now – we’ll let you know how ours went/what we think of our whiskeys/what our feels were. Let us know how yours goes too?
Liquor In The Team Pick: It’s Cocktail Week At The Kitchn!
In a semi-regular segment entitled Liquor In The ______ that can’t be too regular because I’m probably drinking right now, I’m going to write to you about all the different ways you can liquor. I recognize that it’s weird, especially for those of you who have actually had a drink with me, because I am what the frat boys would call a “two-beer queer” (what I would call a “no-beer queer,” as I’m gay all the live long day). But I get drunk very easily, is the point. Still, I really really like beer, wine and liquor and want to share that love for the artistry of alcohol with you all, my favorite queers. Let’s lift a pint to alcohol and our Autostraddle community– they go together like wine and soft cheese.
Header by Rosa Middleton
via The Kitchn
I love the Kitchn, you love the Kitchn, we all love the Kitchn. But for me, most of the amazing recipes are out of my reach. I look at the Kitchn the same way I look at my Pinterest board of what I want my apartment to look like: if only, if only. If only I didn’t burn soup that comes in a can. But this is the week. This is the week that I have a fighting shot at the recipes on the Kitchn. Because this week is Cocktail Week and dammit, I can mix a drink. I might not be able to microwave soy chick’n nuggets, but mix I can!
via The Kitchn
It’s only Monday night (at the time that I’m writing this) and they’ve already had a 3-Ingredient Cocktail Open Thread, a store profile of Cocktail Kingdom (a magical place), a recipe for Gin and Tonic Sorbet (which my girlfriend assures me I am making for her) and a post on pitcher drinks for a party that includes a recipe for Strawberry Basil Margaritas (om nom nom nom). Not to mention a Wine Words post. I truly cannot wait to see what the rest of the week will bring me/us/the world at large. Let’s shake it up, queermos!
via The Kitchn