The kind of rings we wear and where we wear them can reveal a lot about our personalities. For example, the fact that I wear one on my left ring finger even though I’m not married but want people to think I am makes me both presumptuous and on edge as a person.
Straight white men’s rings in particular hold a special place in my heart. They’re rare enough that when I do come across one I take note of its owner. Here’s a helpful guide should you too come across one in the wild.
Thumb ring:
This guy considers himself a “bad boy” but literally zero other people consider him that. He also considers himself a “great cook” and again, literally zero other people consider him that.
Only the right ring finger:
This is a college southern frat boy. He’s distinguished now, just like daddy.
Turquoise ring, any sequence:
This guy wants to know if you’re really happy with your current relationship. Really, don’t be afraid to talk about it with him. He grew up with a mother and sisters, so he knows where you’re coming from.
Rings on the pointer, middle, and ring:
This guy is in a shitty americana band and it’s not quite taking off. Sorry about the hat, too, it looks terrible. (Married to the music.)
Rings on the middle, ring, and pinky:
This guy has a shitty mixtape that he’s given you two of and you’ll find them five years later in your car glued to the bottom of your center console by melted peppermints. (Married to the music.)
Rings on every finger:
This guy is a true wild card. He also “dabbles in magic.” He said that to you one time!
Rings on the pointer and ring finger:
This is I’m A Nice Guy guy and would you believe it, he’s not a nice guy.
Thumb and middle finger:
If you run into this you have just met Chad Michael Murray and it’s important you look away don’t ask me why!
Pinky ring:
Litters for sure.
Middle finger:
This guy’s name is Ben and he’s still doing the normcore thing.
That was great!
So what can we infer about this guy, with only one ring on his index finger? :p
Wants to rule the world, clearly.
“it was the apparent will and power of Melkor to effect his designs quickly and masterfully that had first attracted Sauron to him”
Sauron doesn’t belong on this list as a STRAIGHT white male.
Ha ha, I don’t remember him, but hey, new shipping couple! =)
The Silmarillion is a fun read if you read it as a tragic love story between the evil dudes.
Wait, people *don’t* read it that way???
Wait, Sauron is gay?
Every word of this fills me with joy.
thank you for doing this important work
Loved this! Also wears ring on left ring finger and very much not married, but it does work as a straight guy repellent sometimes!
Pinky ring = secret society, gay, royal, or in secret society of royal gays
it me
Or cocaine.
hahahahahahahahha
Some places in Europe right ring finger only means married. Might be a useful tidbit if one goes abroad….-
I have a photo of my great-great-grandparents (Jewish), taken in Pomerania in 1859, in which you can see that they wore their rings on their right index fingers. Apparently, the custom among Jewish people at the time.
As I’m discovering now that I’m looking into it a bit more, I think right ring finger seems to be pretty common in Europe in general. But right index finger is a new one to me! Interesting!
good, yes.
I guess the pimp in my old neighborhood dabbles in magic. That explains why he never got arrested when I was little.
Dragon Age school of content quality curve?
saw these pics in WP, glad to know they’re attached to such quality content.
every time i’m uploading stuff it’s always very apparent that erin’s coming thru
;A; this is particularly hilarious because the other day this guy asked me if i thought he could pull this ring off, like basically if it was ~manly enough~ and i was like “sure yeah rings aren’t gendered” and he was like “BUT CAN I PULL IT OFF”…anyway the point is he’s normcore guy 100%
the middle finger ring of course looks great in bathroom selfie so he has to commit
you are the present and future of anthropological research
it is both a curse and a blessing
I knew a guy in HS who fits the description of both 5 & 6. But, in his case he was the one time Guinness record(a search at the time confirmed it) holder for most cards shuffles in one hand in one minute, and a terrible rapper(was trying to take bake the k-slur). I think he normally only had his pinky ring on.
but what were his trash habits
Do y’all remember when you were a kid in school how there was a rule that if a guy wore an earring in a certain ear, he was gay, but if he wore one in the other ear, then he was a totally cool straight guy? I can’t remember which was which, but I want to say left ear meant straight.
Seriously, who comes up with this stuff?
this was also a major point of contention in my school & was also so very 90s of us
I was curious and Googled that:
https://www.quora.com/Which-side-of-the-ear-being-pierced-means-being-gay-Is-there-even-such-a-thing-as-a-gay-piercing
It looks like it might go back to the 80s or even 70s.
This ridiculousness made it to Europe too. And there was a guy in my school who pierced both ears and no-one knew what to make of it.
There was a boy in my year who had the “wrong” ear pierced… He was subject to much ribbing… No that’s not a typo.
When I was growing up, it was only if both ears were pierced, then you would be considered gay. But only one, regardless of ear, meant you were “okay.”
The “rule” for this, as I learned it, was “left is right [straight] and right is wrong [gay].” Yayyyyy the past.
I learned that too – when I was a teen in the 80s. Ugh.
Saaaame. Though, that IS why my right helix has all the piercings and not the left? Is that heterosexist of me
This made it all the way to Brazil in the early 90s.
Uhm, I think I was told, “left is right.” And wearing one in your left ear meant were hetero. I was like wtf when I was told this.
Great and article. Too funny! Thanks for this. =D
I one knew a “Ring On Every Finger” guy and wouldn’t you know it, he WAS a magician, and had the rings on his fingers FOR the purpose of spontaneous magic, and REALLY LIKED explaining how his version of magic is real and my version of magic is not real, so anyway maybe YOURE THE MAGICIAN, ERIN
“ur version of magic is not real sorry” wow what a thing to say to someone but also yes it me
This is a work of art Erin. Especially the turquoise, so very accurate. I feel like I’ve met way too many psychic/spiritual men with turquoise index finger rings.
Don’t made men of the mob wear pinky rings?
Which mob?
Middle finger and thumb = Chad Michael Murray. I probably laughed way too hard at this. Also, you look away simply because it’s Chad Michael Murray. You don’t need any other reason.
It’s been ages since I last thought of Chad Michael Murray
Great, now you’ve got me searching “Ringo Starr rings hands” and consulting the guide. Looks like he went with ring and pinky finger on both hands for a while but now just goes with his wedding band. And he used to wear a big red jewel that looks like a Ring Pop.
Kevin Richardson of the Backstreet Boys has been rocking a pinky ring for years and should I ever meet him I will ask him about it, but until then it either means he’s in the mob or bisexual.
that image didn’t work…
I was just downtown after reading your enlightening scholarly article when I noticed a white guy walking toward me….. with two missing fingers…pinky and ring finger and he had a ring on his middle finger and one on his pointer! ???? WTF
Knowing how guys think about smart women, I bet he cut off those fingers just to ruin your research!
I have met a “Rings on the pointer and ring finger” that also had a thumb ring. He was a small time drug dealer (pills and pot on occasion) that looked at me the way hungry people look the other table’s food because he assumed I was underage.
Totally thought he was a charming rogue and I an innocent biddable maiden.
Would y’all believe neither to be true?
It’s truly motivated for me Looks cool lovemyfashions. Post a finished photo!
I wear a single pure* handmade silver ring on my left index and am definitely a magician
Your article is funny if a little re-re I assume it’s a joke
So… is there a similar list for queer women? Cause I totally rock a single blue lapis ring on my left middle finger. What message am I sending here? Is me not sending the right message the reason I attract all the crazies?
This is wonderful! #whitegenocide2020 get rid of the cis white race!