Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we started dedicating an entire post to them instead! This A+ feature now exchanges bi-monthly with our column, Into the A+ Advice Box. We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We’ve included as many questions as we can. We love you and your hair looks fantastic today!

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A-CAMP, MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Is there a current list available with all of Autostraddle’s affiliate links so y’all can get a percentage of purchases? The only one I’ve been able to find looks like it was published in 2013, and most of the links aren’t currently active.

Sarah: Hell yes! Check out our Affiliate Marketplace for all your shopping needs. You can also find this in our nav under “Support Us”.

When does A-Camp registration open? Thanks!

Sarah: January 31st! If you want to know the exact time it opens, sign up for our email alerts at A-Camp.org!

Is there a way to make a version of the affiliates page that’s just an alphabetical list of all of them, or have a drop-down box. It took me five minutes of page-loading and scrolling to determine that Patagonia and REI don’t seem to be affiliates; coulda done that in ten seconds with an alphabetical drop-down. (I love you and am looking for ways to help you earn more of my money!)

Sarah: Hey! That’s a great idea, thank you for the suggestion! We will definitely consider adding this to the functionality. In the meantime, try using the search function to look for specific companies. Also because of your message I looked up both Patagonia and REI, and am going to sign us up for them soon!

Sticker idea: “Autostraddle changed my life”. I mean, everyone keeps saying it.

Carmen: FACTS. It truly did change mine.

Sarah: OMG, I love this. Floating it to the team in our Merch slack channel now…

Hi! I was just looking at the affiliate marketplace and I saw Indiebound there. I know I’ve followed lots of Autostraddle affiliate links to books on Amazon, but I don’t think I have ever clicked a link to Indiebound. So I’m curious, does Amazon give a larger commission? Do you make more money because people buy random unrelated stuff after clicking a link to amazon? Also, about Amazon affiliate links – if I’m on an android phone, and I click an affiliate link that opens in the Amazon app and then buy something, do you still get paid? Or does the affiliate link not work with the app?

Riese: We used to provide IndieBound links and Amazon links for books on every single post we wrote about books, and nobody ever, not one time, NOT ONE TIME!!!, clicked on the Indiebound link. It takes like an hour to put in all the affiliate links, so eventually we… gave up. :-/ But, the other thing is that when someone clicks out to Amazon, they often leave that window open and then buy other things on Amazon that are unrelated to the book, things with higher commission, and then we get more money. I don’t know. Capitalism is … a lot of compromises.

What is the weed policy at A Camp? Please tell me, a non-CA resident what I’m allowed to do hahaha.

Riese: I think any official policy would be that it’s still against federal law, but on the ground I would just say to be discreet and you’ll be fine? It is legal for recreational purposes and medicinal in the state of California. Smoking and vaping is only allowed in a certain section of camp, with edibles I would just be discreet.

I have so many questions that I really think this team could effectively answer, but my main one right now is that A-Camp 2019 is the same weekend as my two-year anniversary with my girlfriend. Neither of us have been, but really want to go and think it might be cool to go together to celebrate how far we’ve come. (I’m newly out at 30 and it’s been a JOURNEY). Is it weird/okay to go to camp as a couple to celebrate?!?

Riese: That would not be weird I think that would be VERY CUTE!!!

I went to the fabric store and the old hippie lady helping me loved my scissoring sticker because she thought it was about crafting.

Rachel: Sometimes I think about how pleased the Lesbians Who Craft community must (I hope!) be by that shirt and it’s uplifting

Hello, I just recently got a tablet and I need to let you know that the tablet layout looks beautiful. It’s probably the same layout as on my phone but it just looks SO great on a tablet. I’m guessing Cee gets the credit for this one?

Cee: Aww that’s sweet! I didn’t design the site though, so it’s not meant for me ❤️. Sarah (and Alex) get the credit for the way the website looks. I just get the credit for the way the website works (or when it doesn’t!).

Sarah: Ooo this is so great to hear. Alex Vega + Cee are definitely responsible for the original bones of our current website and I’m very lucky to have that strong and resilient canvas to work on!

Extremely non-urgent, but I recently upgraded my A+ membership from silver to gold (because I love you all so much and want to support you!). I was wondering if I still get that rad gold scissoring t-shirt? Do I need to email someone about a size or anything?

Sarah: Email Riese at riese[at]autostraddle.com and she’ll get you sorted!

Riese: Yes you should fill out this form and you can get a Gold Gal Pal t-shirt (we’re out of the scissoring ones) or scissoring tote!

For some reason when I upvote a comment, it’s not staying that way? Later, I’ll click back into the article and it appears as if I haven’t clicked on the thumbs up at all.

Cee: Hmmm, I am unable to reproduce this bug – are you still seeing this?

Hi! I just subscribed — thanks for being such an awesome site! You’ve all been a huge resource for me as I’ve navigated coming out to myself and my circle the last few years. Wondering if there is like a single category link where I can go to start catching up on all the A+ content? I can think of a couple I’ve missed that I definitely want to read, but am having trouble figuring out a way to search to see just the A+ stuff. Thanks! :)

Heather: Yes, indeed! On the nav bar at the top of the home page, the second category is A+ and the top choice on that menu is All A+ Posts!

Riese: Yup it’s in the menu bar there’s an A+ column and the first option is “all A+ posts”!

Will we get more Autostraddle t-shirts in femme cuts? I love the designs on the new merch but I hate wearing “unisex” shirts. They’re so uncomfortable and boxy!

Sarah: I hear you! Our current marketing strategy re: merch is to see how popular something is before ordering it in a women’s style tee. We do this for two reasons — 1) Our budget is severely limited, and unisex sizes are more universally consistent products in terms of sizing and popularity 2) We still haven’t found a true “women’s cut” that is body-positive and extends to 3X+. We are definitely on the hunt though!

I think there might be a glitch for articles with more than a certain number of comments. I tried to read the comments on “Excommunicate Me From The Church of Social Justice” and “We Messed Up” and I couldn’t access them through any browser. Thanks for all the incredible work you all do!

Carmen: Hello! Yes, it’s an Autostraddle policy to turn off the comments for posts with maaaaaaasive long comment threads because it helps keep the rest of the website running more quickly. I’m pretty sure you stumbled on to two of those exceptional pieces.

When I click a link to an AS article from facebook or twitter, it opens in this weird format that doesn’t let me see the comments and I hate it. How can I get it to stop doing that? I want to comment!

Heather: What you’re seeing — maddeningly! — is our AMP page, which means Accelerated Mobile Pages and we have to have it enabled for Google to include us in their search results. We hate it too. If you click on “leave a comment” at the bottom of the AMP page, it will take you to our real website.

Laneia: Oh lord I hate a motherloving AMP page with my whole body and soul.

Riese: OMG I HATE IT TOO!! AMPs are a thing Google is making everybody do and if you don’t do it, they penalize you in SEO, which’s a problem for us right now when Bustle has gamed the system to win every search result known to man. We cannot figure out how to make it so that when you click on a link from social on your phone, it goes to the regular page. So basically what you can do is when you’re sent to an AMP link, on my phone at least there’s a little Safari icon in the lower right hand corner that you can click on to open it in its mobile web version:

If you land on an AMP page through search on your phone, then at the top, above the Autostraddle AMP banner, is a little thing you can click to go to the web version:

Hey, the enamel pins that silver members get look awesome. Can A+ members who signed up for silver (or above) before the pins were a thing get one? Signed, a daily Autostraddle reader and avid pin collector

Riese: Ahhhh this question murders me!! For so long I was like, “we can’t add new perks, that’s unfair to the people who were already members but didn’t get them,” and then it was pointed out to me, repeatedly, that this is a typical thing that membership programs do and I just had to live with this unfair feeling. So I want to say yes BUT the problem is that we… messed up. We did not realize that because the pins are a certain shape that they count as a package, not an envelope. So even though they are lightweight, the total cost of making, packaging and shipping them is like $20 internationally and $10 domestically, which means when you average it all out, we are now netting $0 from the first month of a Silver membership and the first two months of a Bronze membership, which has cut into our profits significantly and we all have banged our heads on the wall about it quite a bit. So I don’t know what the solution is! I could offer you the chance to buy them at cost and pay for shipping, but idk if that would open up the floodgates or not. (The person who packs/ships them is me b/c we can’t afford to hire anybody else to do it right now.) I don’t know! I want you to have a pin! If you were in front of my face I’d probably just hand it to you! If you wanted to make a donation in the amount that is relevant to where you live and then forward me that email with your address, I will send you one. I guess that’s my final answer.

I’m so happy to give you guys money! The pieces for the fashion issue have been SO GOOD. So many pieces by first-time-on-AS writers and I’m loving it. Thank you for being the queer community I need (and wish I had in real life)? ❤️

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I just had to inform some queers who will Get It that I’ve been invited over for dinner to meet my girlfriend’s parents TONIGHT! They’ve been really homophobic in the past, but slowly getting better, and now they want to meet me?? In their house??? And feed me???? I’m wearing my best “Here is a respectable young lesbian, doesn’t she look dateable” outfit and just, idk, here’s hoping, man, WISH ME LUCK!

Heather: Oh, I hope this went so well! I had some family members who did not have an easy time when I came out and when they finally accepted it and wanted to meet Stacy and were so nice to her, it really did change my life. Also, I’m sure you looked amazing.

Laneia: IN THEIR HOUSE EVEN! I’m going to imagine that they fed you all the cliche lesbian foods like hummus and… I don’t know wait, are there other ones?? Gluten-free pot brownies? I’m totally blanking on the cliched food of our people! What is wrong with me!

I just wanted to tell you guys that last night I made out with a girl for the first time and it was wonderful and has anyone ever told you how soft a girl’s lips can be and how perfect it feels to smush the side of your nose against the side of their nose because your lips are together and that even though you were so nervous you actually do always know how to kiss a person?!! Thank you to every single person at Autostraddle for having so much information and things to say on everything queer, because it’s the most uncomfortable but amazing thing to get to the age of 30 and only just realise that you’re queer. I probably couldn’t have made it through that process without your support. You’re all magical! Please get yourself some cake today for all your hard work!!! You are wonderful humans!!!

Carmen: Girls’ lips are SO SOFT!! It’s the best. I’m so happy for you and that your getting to experience all this bright, sparkly magic!

Laneia: I love this!!!! I’m going to have some leftover pie I’ve saved, thank you.

It’s been about eight million years since I’ve logged on for a variety of reasons that are mostly social anxiety and anyway, I just officially applied for my parrot to live out his many, many days in a bird sanctuary that is specifically designed for pet parrots and the owners who wanted Better For Them. I’m very sad, and will probably cry about it tonight and tomorrow and the day after and maybe every night for the rest of my life, but I’m pretty sure I won’t die over it (maybe). I will be able to visit him there. Also, I can now live in a truck, and then go camping in that truck, which one cannot easily do with a parrot. But anyway I asked you for advice about my parrot once before, so I figured I’d update you on this Very Emotional Journey.

Heather: Oh, friend! Sending so much love to you and your sweet parrot! I think you did the right thing for them and for you, even though it’s not easy!

Laneia: This feels like such a solid series of steps and I can’t wait to hear about your truck camping!

All-consuming need to share: First date with a woman since ending my relationship with my abusive husband. First successful date (it felt good, we connected) with a woman in 4+ years. Yay!

Rachel: YESSSS this is the best news!! Thank you for sharing with us!

Laneia: CONGRATS, FRIEND.

Walmart put lesbian moms in their holiday commercial! The same moms (I think??) from The Next Family series on YouTube. That’s all! Just wanted to shout it to someone!

Heather: I know! They made me teary! I love lesbians in commercials. Have you seen the ones on the date in the new Applebee’s commercial? I think the song in it is “Hungry Eyes” from Top Gun. I thought my favorite Christmas commercial — the Olay Musical — was gays based on the intro, but it turned out to be sisters.

Some pals of mine have a micro–press called Flamingo Rampant and have been making rad queer picture books for years. They’re coming out with their third season now! I read them to queerspawn I do childcare for and they are such beautiful and fun stories. Thought you might want to highlight their work😀

Heather: They exceeded their Kickstarter goal! That’s awesome! Keep us in the loop when the books are released!

You need to see this twitter page of different cats that look like Jodie Whittaker.

Heather: HOLY CRAP.

My once a week sex date and I just broke things off because we want different things in the long term and are mature responsible adults, but what if I should have just jettisoned all my long term plans? And what if I never have sex this good again?

Rachel: I suppose it’s technically possible you’ll never have sex this good again, but unlike that axiom about happy families, the good news is there are infinity kinds of good sex. You probably won’t have sex as good as the sex you were having with that person in that specific way, but you will have sex that’s very good with other people, and if you even feel moved to look back and think “hm, is the sex as good as it was with X?” you will likely not even be able to make a meaningful comparison because things with Y are just so totally different it’s sex apples to sex oranges, you know? As for whether you should have jettisoned your long term plans — I understand this feeling and I can’t promise you that you would have been miserable, but I can tell you that there is something meaningful about sticking to commitments you’ve made to yourself regardless of how they work out, in the same way that it means something to your relationship when someone keeps a promise they made you. Also, while you may have already turned in your final answer on this particular dilemma, the great thing about life is it is endlessly presenting us with opportunities to make mistakes! If you decide that’s what would be best for you (and maybe it would be! Mistakes have their purpose!) I am sure you’ll have a chance to later on down the line.

UM UM UM…. Merry Carolmas!

Heather: Sweet merciful angels, flung out of space! I thought there was only one of these, the one that was on Twitter. I had no idea it was a SERIES.

This is praise mixed with a strong need to share something, just so you know!

So, I’m really not a fashion person. For me clothes are something that I put on to not be naked because it’s cold where I live. At the same time, for as long as I can remember, I also felt an unease around anything fashion related – as if I’m doing clothing “wrong”, or that I’m sort of inferior because I don’t “get” how to make a statement with a sweater, or that I’m consistently dressed in the wrong way for the group I want to belong to. So, I was not particularly excited about the BUT MAKE IT FASHION issue when you announced it. Then all these articles were posted. And I read them all. And I loved them all. And they made me think and feel so hard.!

While I still think that there is something beautiful in not caring about it at all, I’ve decided to ditch this uneasy and unhelpful critical perspective about myself in clothes. It is such a relief you guys. This issue has been the most amazing thing I’ve read on this website, and I hesitated writing this because of course there is so, so many other columns, articles, posts that I still quote years after reading them. But MAKE IT FASHION – you’re geniuses for starting quarterly issues and for choosing such perfect contributions. THANK YOU AND THE WRITERS!!!

Laneia: This means so much!!! I love these issues and the possibilities they open up. I’m in the throes of narrowing down the pieces for The Birthday Issue and IT IS SO HARD but also SO FUN. I hope you love them, too!

Really appreciating all the singles content!

Rachel: You’re welcome! The year of breakups had its perks!

Riese: A big shout out to all of our exes to helping make that content possible!!!

Little A+ box, I just wanted you to know that today I did my part in helping to burn the patriarchy to the ground. It’s not completely burned yet, but I left a few small scorch marks on it, while also making my coworkers aware that I do not have a single f*ck to give about what men think of my hair. I’ll continue to fight the good fight.

Heather: Every little flame counts, every single scorch mark, and don’t you forget it!

Check out this awesome museum exhibit on San Diego’s LGBTQ history! I just went yesterday and it was remarkable, moving, joyful, heartbreaking, fascinating, and so much more! Also, one of San Diego’s oldest gay bars, The Caliph, closed at the end of the year, part of a ongoing trend everywhere :(

Carmen: Such bittersweet news, my friend. Truly bittersweet.

THE FOLLOWING 👇 IS A MULTI-PART QUESTION. WE HOPE YOU ENJOY THE JOURNEY AS IT UNFOLDS:

1. HOW BIG IS GILEAD? is it like, the east coast? Is it just Massachusetts? I WANT A MAP

Riese: Here is your map:

So the blue parts are Gilead proper. The red parts of the map are where anti-Gilead/pro-US forces have retained control of the country — the entirety of Alaska and Hawaii, most of the West Coast, Gulf Coast, and Texas, as well as the border with Canada and the top of Michigan and a piece of New England. These parts are assumed to be where the Second American Civil War is still ongoing. The light red parts are perhaps where the war is ongoing, but is light because Gilead is nearing a successful takeover and/or the territory is still being contested by the American military or rebel fighters or citizen militias.

“The Colonies” are in two districts of the West and East — those parts are all yellow. The green parts are the ecologically contaminated parts where “criminals” are sent to do clean-up.

2. HOW DID THE UNITED STATES GO FROM BEING IN A CULTURALLY DIVIDED, POLITICALLY TENSE SITUATION, TO A FAILED STATE, TO FUCKING GILEAD, IN LIKE?? WHAT?? TEN YEARS???? “FERTILITY CRISIS” DOES NOT EXPLAIN GILEAD!

Riese: Well, religious fundamentalism was empowered by a fertility crisis, which lead to a coalescing of conservative religious forces around the “Sons of Jacob,” who arranged a coup d’etat against the U.S. government, including the President, all members of Congress and the entire Supreme Court. These attacks were blamed on Islamic fundamentalists, a state of emergency was declared, and then the rest of their plan went into place. If you think about it, what happens if the entire federal government is effectively wiped out? Now, the possibility of actually pulling that off is another question; but. There is a huge chunk of this country who actively believes a news channel that is entirely propaganda, and a corrupt President who lies every day on social media. Ten years is more than enough time! I’d also recommend watching the four-part National Geographic documentary series “Inside North Korea’s Dynasty,” which streams on Hulu. Another example of how these things can happen so quickly would be The Holocaust. Have you seen The Man in the High Castle? That’s another good one. We’re very vulnerable now especially ’cause all of our information is online and none of our money is real, it’s all electronic. Look at what’s happening at the U.S./Mexico border and how despite a majority of Americans being against policies being enacted there, nobody can stop it!

3. HOw (how) ((HOW)) does Gilead, a nation state that isn’t old enough to vote, have enough international trade to be dealt SANCTIONS FROM CANADA OR HAVE THE INFRASTRUCTURE TO HAVE FLEETS OF VEHICLES AND CREATE COLOR CODED UNIFORMS FOR ALL ITS INHABITANTS OR HAVE AN ECONOMY EVEN??

Riese: I mean, the vehicles already existed, they just had to adjust them to look a certain way, and creating color-coded uniforms can be done in a day, especially with slave labor, and they have the same economy they had when the U.S. was the U.S. It’s not like they take over and suddenly everything the U.S created and traded is gone, they inherited it. These people have no mercy or respect for the lives of people who do not agree with them. When you are willing to kill people for any type of disloyalty (see also: North Korea!), it’s very easy to subdue an entire population. This has happened time and again throughout human civilization. There are countries in the world right now where people have no freedom and there is active Civil War (which is still happening in Gilead during the time of the show.)

4. I just??? HOW is Gilead SO ORGANIZED?? “WELCOME TO GILEAD, NO JOY ALLOWED, EVERYONE DRIVES A MERCEDES!” Somebody, somewhere, is having a rager in Gilead. There is a top secret rave with weird bathtub moonshine happening in somebody’s basement, for fucking sure. Underground ladies only book clubs. I WANNA SEE THAT BOOK CLUB RAVE SO MUCH MORE THAN I WANNA SEE WEIRD PRAYING RITUALS !!

Riese: It’s a culture of fear and intimidation and constant threat. Again, this has happened all over the world throughout history and happens still today. As for underground nightlife, there’s definitely Jezebels! I think that’s what Jezebels is meant to represent, the fact that there are outlets out there like it for this kind of thing and even the alleged pure Sons of Jacobs have created them. There’s also underground groups we’ve seen glimpses of. But in general it’s difficult for those types of venues to survive when you can be killed or sent into slavery for rebelling. I am sure they exist though, you’re right!

5. These are just VERY HIGHLY DEVELOPED WEIRD RITUALS WITH COLORED CELTIC KNOT BRACELETS! who came up with these rituals!! i just suspect perhaps they’re too much to have simply DEVELOPED ORGANICALLY

Riese: The leaders of the Sons of Jacob came up with them! Spreading religious rituals and texts is easily and frequently done.

6. In sum: I HAVE QUESTIONS!!

Riese: I know that this is a scary thing to believe but everything that happens in that show is entirely possible and is happening right now all over the world, in former republics of Russia, in some parts of the Middle East — all over! I am not a historian or an expert on international relations by any means so I can’t really speak with authority on the culture or civics of any country besides this one, and also not really even this one! But this show is very possible. It seems weird to see it happening on a familiar landscape but also, look at what Trump is already doing.

Guys, I decided I really am going to quit my job. And I’ve got a new interview on Monday. Freaking out. Lots of change. But exciting. Pretty sure this interview won’t result in a job, but should be great practice. I’m just proud of myself for getting the resume and cover letter together and submitted.

Heather: You’re absolutely right, that is a series of enormous accomplishments! A third of the battle is doing your resume and cover letter and another third of the battle is being brave enough to send it out. I’m really happy for you, and hope if it didn’t result in a job (though maybe it did) the experience gave you more confidence to move boldly forward in the direction of your dreams!

HI!!! Hope you’re all doing well and staying hydrated here at the start of 20biteen! You all care about us so much I feel like the least I can do is send well wishes your way! But I also wanted to share that lately I have been making great strides in feeling more comfortable being gay (i.e. dressing how I want. casually talking about girls/casually talking about going on dates with girls) around my straight female friends and it feels really good and I’m proud of myself. It’s just all in my head and it’s very slowly finally starting to break down and go away and I’m really happy about it and I just wanted to share my happy with someone :)

Carmen:I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, TOO!!!! Way to go! Keep making those small, steady strides. You got this. Thank you for sharing your happy with us :)

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION/ ARTICLE IDEAS

Last fall, a person in my local Autostraddle Facebook group told us she was writing the updated Queer Girl City Guide for our city and it would be published in the next few weeks. It’s been a year. Are they coming soon? I miss them and I’ve just moved to a new city and want to find people! (Also I love you.)

Carmen: By the time you read this response, you’ll probably already have noticed that we are slowly but surely rolling these Queer Girl City Guides off the factory assembly line! According to our publishing schedule that Laneia impeccably keeps track of for us, you can start expecting them every other Thursday.

Hello! UK’s Channel 5 has an upcoming TV series called “Clink,” a 10-part drama set in a women’s prison and aimed at young adult viewers. Obviously women prison drama is code for lesbian drama. Channel 5 is usually known for showing pure trash, but it’s apparently trying to get into quality drama, so this will be interesting to see what comes of this!

Heather: Interesting! I hadn’t heard of it! We’ll keep an eye on it in case it turns gay (you’re right that it seems inevitable that it’ll turn gay).

Hello beautiful gang! Could I request a piece on people who have grown up with lesbian parents? Preferably in all sort of ages (and maybe even perspectives). All the love!

Riese: I love this idea!!! My Mom is a lesbian.

I’d love it if you did an article about how to get into astrology if your astrology sign seems wrong. Astrology seems like a cool thing to follow, but I have trouble believing because my sign is the exact opposite of my personality (I’m a shy, chill, unambitious leo). I assume astrology has an explanation for that, and I’d love to hear it. (Does the answer have to do with moon signs? I looked mine up and got even more confused!)

Heather: Oh! Jeanna did a whole series on this called Starstruck! Check it out, it’s got moon signs and Mercury signs and Venus signs and Mars signs!

Have y’all seen this series? Seems relevant to your interests!

Heather: Ooooh! Thank you!

Hi! Y’all accepted my “But Make It Fashion” submission, can I submit more? How do I do so? Do I just do it on the the regular submission page?

Laneia: Yeah buddy! Please submit more! The general submission page is right here, and you’re also invited to submit to any other issue you think you have a piece for! Submissions today, submissions tomorrow, submissions forever!!!

Hi! It’s a month old so I may simply have overlooked it on AS, but have you read this take on “Sabrina”‘s representation of their non-binary character?

Heather: Thank you for sharing that! It was a really interesting read!

May I ask, how decisions are made about which shows get full recaps and which shows end up on Boobs on Your Tube? Is it just based on what shows the writers are watching? I guess I don’t get why Riverdale gets a full recap when Cheryl is barely on the show but Charmed, which has a lesbian main character with consistent storylines, only gets a brief blurb. Not that I don’t appreciate Kayla’s very good Riverdale write-ups! I would just like to see Charmed get some love too.

Heather: It’s a good question and what you said is correct: If one of our writers wants to do full recaps on a gay show, we’re always open to it — but recaps take so much time and so much work that there’s just no way we can cover everything or even most everything or — honestly, these days — just a drop in the bucket of things. What we recap isn’t a value judgment on the quality of the show, and we do try to give everything that deserves attention its due in Boobs on Your Tube (which is a massive undertaking that no other website on earth would attempt).

I would like to bribe you to bring back the “50 ways to use [ingredient]” series with a promised extra donation should it be returned! I pretty much subsisted on those lists, literally.

Rachel: Oh it’s so good to hear that those were useful for you! I’m not sure we’d be able to resurrect the series in its weekly incarnation; we had a whole system for engaging the whole team in creating those that I don’t know that we can reproduce really, but we do often need to brainstorm one-off content when looking for the calendar for the week so it’s good to know that this would be a welcome format to revisit if we ever needed to in that regard! Have you tried Budget Bytes, or maybe the Smitten Kitchen weekly newsletter? I use both of those for when I can’t wrangle my one remaining brain cell into figuring out food for the week!

I need to know where Carrie Wade’s floral brocade suit is from??

Carrie: It is from Wildfang! As are all of my best suits.

Salut! I know Danny Ortberg doesn’t identify as a queer woman, but I adore their writing and I think the last newsletter they sent, on transitioning, is beautifully written. Maybe it’s a good thing to link to on AS? (Bonus: it includes a wonderful depiction of the “center” in “masc of center”.)

Laneia: I love his writing too!!! The next time we put together a list of newsletters one should definitely subscribe to, I promise Shatner Chatner will be on there.

Greetings, I wanted to point out that in the review of the Miseducation of Cameron Post, the author identifies Adam Red Eagle as Navajo. Forrest Goodluck, the actor who plays him, is Navajo. Adam Red Eagle, the character, is Lakota and identifies as two-spirit and winkte, which is a specifically Lakotan identity. I know that the person who wrote this review did not intend to err, but I do think it’s important to fix this because tribal specificity is an extremely important part of being an indigenous ally. If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. Thank you!

Heather: Thank you. I sincerely apologize, and I’ve made this correction.

N.K. Jemison’s “How Long ‘Til Black Future Month?” collection of short stories has a lovely romance between a lady chemist & a lady spy set in an alternate history in New Orleans & Haiti. It’s called “the effluent engine.”

Carmen: Well I’m glad to know that I have my February reading all sorted out! Thank you friend.

Did you guys see that Todd VanDerWerff at Vox listed Heather’s review of The Bisexual as one of his favorite pieces of culture writing this year? I feel like Autostraddle embodies everything he sets out in this piece.

Heather: Oh my. Well, I am very flattered indeed! I had bookmarked that to read, but hadn’t gotten to it yet. Thank you for sharing it with me; it brightened my day!

What happened to that Wild Nights With Emily movie that was supposed to come out in 2018?

Heather: Looks like it didn’t get a distributor after it made the film festival rounds.

Have any of the TV team been watching Call My Agent on Netflix? I’m finding it very entertaining and very French, and one of the lead characters is a lesbian lothario!

Heather: Thanks for the tip; I’d never even heard of this!

Could we possibly get a list of good queer/feminist/intersectional parenting books?

Rachel: This is a great idea and I will do what I can to make it happen, thank you!

What ever happened to Y’all Need Help? Will it ever return?

Laneia: It very well might! It might indeed. I got to the point that I felt my advice wasn’t very inspiring or unique, and I didn’t want to create a thing that was less than what y’all deserved! And then I have to confide something in you: after I started seeing a therapist last fall, she and I got on the subject of the best ‘advice’ for couple issues is almost always “you two have to just talk about this,” and I was like “YES I used to do an advice column—” and reader, the look on her face is burned into my very soul. She said “OH. That’s…. interesting… !” Like, ma’am, please ELABORATE WHY IS THAT INTERESTING TO YOU.

Laneia, re: your “here’s how people found autostraddle last week” section in the newsletter, can you see what articles people clicked on to get to Autostraddle or just what they searched for? (I was thinking about this because I frequently use google to find specific niche Autostraddle articles I’m thinking of)

Laneia: I cannot! But, I think if you searched that same term and added ‘autostraddle’, you would likely find the thing they clicked on.

Hey AS team and style gurus. I’ve watched The Favourite today and I lusted over the incredibly cut masculine-ish walking, shooting and riding costumes worn by the women in the movie. Any leads on recreating those IRL?

Carmen: Look what Mika made for you!

Y’all! I just discovered that someone made a Tardis ambient noise video and put it on YouTube and my Doctor-obsessed queer heart leapt with joy. And THEN I focused so hard on my work this morning I had time to go for a swim at lunch. Which got me thinking, list of this type of Ambient-noise things for our favorite geek/queer things could be fun. God knows this site has a lot of people who also need the white noise and a lot of geeks and a lot of overlap between those two camps. I also remember using the Ravenclaw study room white noise audio for a while. Anyway, I love you all and hope you have a great day.

Heather: !!! Yes! I subscribe to a YouTube channel that does this very thing! (I, of course, love the one called Hufflepuff Dormitory.)

Have you guys discussed this. Would you like to open a discussion about this or do we just ignore Terfs and Not Feed The Troll?

Riese: We did discuss this in a way through our statement and I did so on a twitter thread. I do know that the company is struggling financially and I fear that all this attention around their hate-mongering is probably giving them better traffic than they’ve had since their recent changing of the guards, so I feel now that it’s best not to give them TOO MUCH attention. I will say I remain consistently awestruck by their obsession with that one piece Mey wrote about lesbian sex with a trans woman! They mention it… every day. Mey opens the piece saying that it’s just for people who *want to* have lesbian sex with a woman who has a penis, and they are literally describing it as “conversion therapy” that is “forcing women to accept dick” and it is BANANAS .

I’m really struck by how much I’m enjoying But Make It Fashion! I don’t have a fashionable bone in my body, and figured I’d skip it. But no! It’s been really eye opening. Thanks, AS!

MISC

Embarrassing question: How long do you have to wait to go back to a lesbian bar where you inadvertently made a fool of yourself your first time there? Like the stupid, optimistic creature that I am, I cheerfully agreed when the bartender offered to make my last drink a double. I ended up needing help to walk out and got sick outside (yikes), even though I’m usually pretty good at managing my drinking.

Since then I have enveloped myself in a cocoon of shame and embarrassment, waiting to metamorphose (is that even a word what am I even doing with this metaphor) into a humiliated and friendless moth (because cocoons of shame don’t produce butterflies, I don’t know). It took me so long to find a bar with real lesbians! I endured so many straights and creepy Uber rides to get there, and I managed to leave an awful impression! I hardly know any queer people in my city. I wanted to make friends so bad! Should I wait a few weeks, then saunter in with a cheeky quip about how they really don’t fuck around with the gin? Slink in when it’s crowded and hope none of the handful of people who were there that night recognize me? Just give up and enter a nunnery? I’d appreciate any advice for my ridiculous situation.

Rachel: I’m so sorry this happened friend! That specific embarrassment/shame feeling is one of the worst emotions in the human rolodex of emotions. As someone who has spent a lot of time in a lot of bars both gay and not-gay, I have to tell you that I would be really surprised if the people at the bar, including the bartender, remember this at all; people drinking too much in an establishment dedicated to recreational drinking is very common and for the bartenders, a pretty unremarkable part of the job. It sounds like you did not do anything harmful or hugely obnoxious while drunk, which again is a fairly routine thing in bars; I truly don’t think anyone who was there that night will remember you with anything judgmental or reproachful if they remember you at all. Go back! Form a better memory to associate with that place!

I’ve been in a rut with my love life and frustratedly single for a handful of years now. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. My last relationship was short lived, with a guy, and about 6 years ago before I had a clue I was gay. I’m 26 now. I was curious if some of you could share what your love life looked like in your mid-twenties, because I’m feeling very alone these days and like I’ll never find someone to spend the rest of my life with.

Heather: When I was 26, I still hadn’t accepted that I’m a lesbian! I didn’t even go on a date with a girl until I was like 27 and I didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was 29. Now, I’m 40 and I’ve been with my partner for eight years and I couldn’t be happier. I know it’s hard as hell out in this world, but hang in there, friend.

I mean… how anonymous is this box really?

Carmen: I’m the one who clears out the messages and though I suppose technically I can theoretically see your emails during that process, I’m moving so quickly I never pause to look. I copy and paste all the messages into a clean document so that everyone can respond without prior knowledge. Really, truly, honestly I have no idea who you are neither do the rest of us! Ask anything that your heart desires! It won’t trace back.

Laneia, I have been meaning to ask you what you did about your period at night before you started using a menstrual cup. (Also, you seem like you’re having a bit of a rough time so sending strength your way. Please take it anyway, even if I’m reading into your life incorrectly.)

Laneia: Ah thank you for this good energy! Before using a cup, I swapped between using the extra absorbent overnight Always Ultra, or one of my enormous reusable cloth pads that was made especially for overnight situations. I still sometimes do either of these, based on where I am in my cycle. Like, if it’s (TW: clots) Clot Day/Night, I’ll use a disposable pad, otherwise I’d be up every hour emptying the cup and I don’t feel like just removing clots from the reusable pad by hand, you know? This is a lot of fun info!

I need recommendations for action/adventure films featuring lesbian women!

Heather: Oceans 8 and Incredibles 2 are pretty subtextually gay and both great action movies. Professor Marston and the Wonder Women isn’t explicitly action but it’s about how Wonder Woman was conceived and it is extremely gay. Battle of the Sexes is one of my all-time favorite movies and it’s Billie Jean King and it’s action if you like sports. Atomic Blonde, for sure. Annihilation, for sure. Set It Off, for sure. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, for sure. And one of the greatest films ever made: D.E.B.S.

Now that Yvonne is gone who is reading these?

Carmen: In general if you ever find yourself wondering, “Hmmm, now that Yvonne’s gone, who is doing this thing or that thing?” The answer is most likely me! HIIIII! 👋🏾

Why does Ellen never wear short sleeves? Anyone have intel on this?

Riese: Which Ellen???

Laneia: Omg this is just like that Mister Rogers myth.

Vodka water is endorsed by celebrity esthetician renee rouleau! Just thought yall might wanna be kept apprised of the latest vodka water news!

Riese: Wow this is a big and important day for Mey.

Here’s a fat/queer positive weekend camp happening in June the last week of June in the Bay Area! Sounds fun, but also I’m still saving up for A-Camp.

Heather: Yayayayay! See you there!

I just realized Stef and Lena rhymes with Bette and Tina! Did I just discover something or did everyone else already know this? Do we think it was intentional?

Carmen: I have no idea if it was intentional, but I do remember stumbling onto the same discovery a few years back! It’s uncanny.

A few years ago, I knew tons of people who identified as genderqueer. I almost never hear that word now – it seems like its been replaced by non-binary? I’m curious about evolving language, I guess.

Riese: I’m not sure but I get the impression that genderqueer was used in a lot of different contexts then, often as more of a description of having a gender-non-conforming presentation while still identifying as a man or a woman, like you could be a genderqueer woman in the same way you could be a butch woman. But non-binary is more explicitly not identifying as a woman or a man, and often comes with a pronoun shift. I imagine a lot of people who once identified as genderqueer might identify as “non-binary” now if that’s what rings true for them because non-binary is a word that has a more concrete definition than genderqueer. But I think a lot of people still ID as genderqueer, or as genderqueer women or men. I think it’s possible none of us are 100% certain what it means.

Hello Janelle Monae is killing it again! Go 20BiTeen!

Rachel: It’s so true. God bless us all.

Carmen: Amen.

What’s the correct curse word to fill in the blank for “Wynonna — Earp”? (Valerie)

Heather: Fuckin’ (just like that, with the -ing dropped off).

Valerie: Honestly, I feel like this is a two part answer. The fist part is “Wynonna Fuckin’ Earp!” The second part is, “whatever your favorite motherfucking curse word is!” Wynonna wouldn’t want you to feel limited.

Good morning I still love this website more than any other website, just so you know

REALLY NICE THINGS YOU TOLD US

Hi! Hello there! I’m a librarian with Chicago Public Library and I’m on the committee that puts together the Best of the Best Teen lists each year. I’m thrilled to tell you that A Quick and Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns is one of our selections!!! This means it will be promoted as one of the best books for teens that came out in 2018. It also will be purchased for every branch in the system! I’m obviously biased, but everyone on the committee really loved this book. We’re really excited to have it as a resource for teens and adults. I wanted to let Archie know that WE LOVE THEIR BOOK! Ok thnx bye!

Archie: Ahhhh THANK YOU!! Honestly don’t know where I’d be (or my book would be) without rad librarians like you! It means so much that you picked A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns – accessibility was one of the first things I talked to my editor in regards to the book and it’s price, so we made a strong push to make sure it ended up in libraries! Thank you for the note and all that you do!

This morning I woke up and remembered that creepy AF “empty nose syndrome” article that Riese posted in one of the old TIRTILs. I decided to go back thru the archives to find it and DAMN I forgot how the comments blew up on that one in late 2016! I just— wow, thank you for all you do and this wonderful space you make for us here in the Internet, even when it’s hard and thankless, and people say shitty argumentative stuff in bad faith. Thank you for keeping on, keeping on. I appreciate AS so much! I don’t know what I’d do without you.❤️

Riese: Wow it is a true testament to how long I have been doing this that I don’t even remember what fight you were talking about!!! I seem to vaguely remember somebody bringing a fight from a different website onto our website???? Anyhow, you’re welcome! It’s not always easy, but your love gets us through.

Laneia: Feeling so blessed to have no awareness of this fight. Amen.

Hi! i just wanted to follow up as the person who asked a question about feeling bad for not being non-monogamous! Your advice was incredibly helpful in getting out of a relationship that was not serving me in the way I needed and has really been a good way for me to center and validate my monogamous desires. I want Rachel to know that I wrote her quote, “I think what’s important to remember is that while we have a responsibility to be ethical and as compassionate as possible to the individual people we have interpersonal relationships with, our interpersonal relationships aren’t things that we have a moral obligation to the larger world about” on a piece of paper and hung it up next to my bedroom door for the duration of my breakup! Thank you very much!

Rachel: Oh I’m so happy to hear you say that! I’m really happy that you chose to center your needs and hopefully without feeling guilt or shame around them. May we all, etc. Proud of you friend!

Wow I hadn’t looked at AfterEllen in so long and it’s so terrible! Thank you for existing, I’m going to give you more money.

Riese: Thank you so much!!! I’m surprised that they’ve managed to hang in there but I guess there’s a passionate following for that particular ideology, which makes the possibility of our non-existence even more scary than it was before!

I thought you all should know that every time I read “holidays,” I now read it as “holigays” and it’s all your fault and I love it.

Carmen: And a Happy HoliGAYS to you, my friend!

Laneia: I also do this AND I say it out loud this way! My in-laws probably think I’m the most aggressively gay person on earth.

Was looking at the lgbt resources page for my college counseling center, and autostraddle is on the list of websites to check out! You’re cool enough to be considered a resource by NC State!

Heather: Go Pack!

Tea. Sleep. Supporting bregnancies. Bisexual pride. Feel-good shows. Awesome reads. That’s pretty much the front page of AS today and also my strategy for holding ’til spring. I don’t know how you know but you just know, you know?

Heather: I feel the same way!

I just really want Heather to know that me and my girlfriend now say to each other very often, in high soft voices, “the littlest tiny is me!”

Heather: OMG! Beth March is so honored! She’s sitting in my lap right now!

LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH YOU WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL STARFISH ✨✨✨✨🎉🎉🎉

Carmen: ✨✨✨✨🎉🎉🎉 😍😍😍😍

Happy New Year to you, Team AS! Have some water. Take your meds.

Heather: And Happy New year to you, friend! Thank you for the reminder — I love my meds; I take them every day!

Laneia: Thank you! This inspired me to put some cucumber slices in my ice water.