Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to answering them every month instead! We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We have included as many as we can. We love you, your hair looks fantastic today!

A-CAMP, MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

Did I see somewhere that A+ members get a discount in the AS merch store? Did I make that up? Also, I’m super curious about when/how you decide to roll out new merch? Are there any new items in the works right now? I would buy the shit out of some AS tote bags and/or boxers! ?
Sarah: Yes! A+ members do get periodic discounts in the store, and whenever we’re putting on a sale we’ll usually give you guys an even bigger discount than non A+ members. We roll bigger batches of new merch before every A-Camp and before the holidays! But honestly, if the sparks of a good idea happen we’ll make the shirt then and there, no questions asked. We are planning on making an “I LIKE GIRLS” shirt, and we’ve also just put an order for a ton of reprints to some old faves! It’s been awhile since we’ve printed totes or undies because they’ve never tended to do well, but you never know!

Will you fix the links to the past A+ podcast episodes?
Laneia: The links have been updated and are in working order!

Hey AS team! What can we do to help ensure the continued existence of this website & community? Encourage everyone who can to become A+ members, share articles, buy merch, and what else? Is AS eligible for grants from foundations or other funders? Y’all mean so so much to me and so many other ppl.. I honestly don’t know what I’d do if you weren’t here! ❤️
Riese: Hello! Thank you for caring so much about our indeed dire situation at the moment! All the things you have listed are the things you can do! One-off donations are also a thing that happens sometimes and that’s always a welcome surprise that makes our collective days/weeks/months, and you can shop online through our affiliate links, which gets us a little kickback. Unfortunately, we aren’t eligible for grants from foundations or other funders because we’re not a non-profit.

Hi! I got a shirt from you folks at a-camp last year which had a deer with a bow tie (I think it was an older klub deer shirt), and I love the image so much I wanted to get a tattoo inspired by it. I wanted to check with the artist if they would be ok with that. Who was the artist that made that shirt? Love you all!
Heather: I love that shirt, too! Cameron Glavin designed the deer!

Hello AS, I love you! I would really like to buy all of the merch to support you guys but I’m not really into slogan tees (especially declaring myself femme/butch/mommi or whatever, I might be happy in some identities but don’t always wanna declare it to dudes on the street) I was wondering if you have thought about something with just pictures? I have one of the old YDY t shirts which I like! because it’s basically just a cool subtle image. Maybe you could recycle some of the kickass graphics you have going on in the posts lately? like in the round table banners, cute bright prints? idk If you made a t shirt of that picture of Erin lying with her face in a hole for example I would 100% buy that. Sometimes pictures speak louder than words yannow?
Laneia: Oh fuck me UP I would wear the living hell out of a shirt with Erin lying facedown in a hole.
Sarah: OMG SAME

Is there any way we could get a notification on the autostraddle website (not email) if someone replies to our comment? I rarely look back at my old comments because it would make me feel narcissistic or something. But I’d love to know, it would definitely positively affect commenter to commenter engagement. Thanks, love y’all.
Cee: That would be a great idea! If WordPress ever builds that functionality I’d be more than happy to find a way to include it in the website

Have you all considered doing an Autostraddle version of the “advertising-as-content”? Like, I know it’s super problematic and I love that AS hasn’t jumped on that bandwagon. But I would personally love to see like, interviews with people who work for Her for example, or interviews with queer women who are business owners or something. I’m sure you’ve probably thought of this already, but I just wanted to say that I think it would be ethical so long as you treat the interview as you normally would. And I love every chance to give my money to queer ladies like you all :)
Rachel: We do sponsored content, yes! We’ve done this as part of larger ad campaigns and for posts like this. I don’t think we’ve had offers to do interviews because those aren’t as directly monetizable for companies in that there isn’t a product being sold, but this is super interesting and helpful feedback, thank you!

Why are “Say Hello” and/or “Give You Compliments” not options in this dropdown menu? Asking for a friend who is all of us.
Yvonne: Idk! Good idea! Riese created the menu options at Shakedown as a test and added the categories we get the most messages for.

Riese: I think that counts as “Other” you know, we’re very modest we wouldn’t want to PRESUME.

I am READY FOR A-CAMP but also READY FOR OLIVIA CRUISE April 27-May 5th! Do you think y’all clash in 2019? You are my first choice, always, obvz. KISSES.
Riese: We will not clash with that Olivia Cruise in 2019, no!

i just want to let you know that you’re the only internet thing i missed during my internet-free month I spent away from home. i’ll spend the next few days going through the articles i missed and i’m so excited to get into the bad behavior issue! also thanks for being that voice in my head that kept saying “no, stop” everytime I got heart palpitations around this straight girl I met. it kinda worked.

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

Hi little advice box I am very nervous because in like 3 weeks I’m taking my girlfriend to meet my parents and she’s never been on a plane before (but that’s the least of my worries, I’m a flying pro) and also I’ve never ever in my whole life told my parents about any other partner I’ve had let alone introduced them and now I’m taking a girlfriend to meet them (I didn’t even come out that long ago) and also they don’t speak the same language so basically I have to be google translate for 3 days…. Eugh I’m just very nervous because idk how to act around my parents, and we went to meet her family and they literally love me and we could hold hands and kiss and it was fine and I’m just worried she’s gonna hate meeting my parents because language barrier/they’re not used to lesbians/I’m a nervous wreck… It will be fine right??!!?! I trust your collective judgements!! OK thanks, remember you’re all amazing and that your should get up and stretch your legs and have a glass of water
Heather: You too, friend! You too should stretch your legs and have a glass of water! Listen, meeting parents is always stressful (and, in my experience, just going home is always stressful), so absolutely it makes sense that you’re having so much anxiety! This is both of those things and so many other potential stressors on top! But yes, it’s going to be okay. It’s going to give you and your partner a lot to talk about and some new experiences to share and some new ways to relate to each other and once it’s over the unknown is out of the equation and you’ll be even better prepared to hang out with your parents next time!

i fucked up my health insurance & lost my subsidy & was too overwhelmed / ADHD to fix it, so now i’m uninsured. literally the night before i realized i’d fucked it up, i had decided to actually call & see if my plan covered top surgery. now i’m all fucked up about it & am a million miles away from feeling at home in my weird body & Starting My Life, as it were, bc i have a List Of Things i wanna do and they go
1. top surgery,
2. maybe have a kid?? which i absolutely mentally cannot do without first getting top surgery & maybe mentally cannot do no matter WHAT & absolutely, as of right now, cannot Afford but like. Future Goggles.
3. HORMONES??????? which i for sure can’t start, mentally, until i know whether or not i wanna use this weird body to have a kid, number 2 on this list is really fucking me up here, but like!! if you like kids & have a uterus & are unsure of whether anyone would ever let your gay ass adopt a child in this One Nation, Under The Christian God, IT’S NOT A SMALL THING TO JUST… DISCOUNT
————
and anyway my hopes are all squashed and my body isn’t a fun place to live most days and now it might stay that way indefinitely and i’m sad about it, like i’m really really sad about all of it. i’m calling out of work because i want to avoid my own reflection levels of Very Bummed. i’m stressing about my sister’s wedding because i know i’ll be in pics while in this BODY. and it sucks bc this is the first summer I’ve ever felt Not Depressed!! & also it sucks bc i think maybe that brief window of trans healthcare coverage has completely closed!! yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Riese: I am so happy for you that this is the first summer you’ve ever felt Not Depressed! That being said, I’m sorry about having to be at your sister’s wedding and be in pictures in the body that you are presently in that you don’t want to be in. I’m sure you’ve tried binding, but maybe that would help for the one day?

Listen — you will get health insurance again. Your time is not up! I too wanted to have kids, very badly honestly for a long time, and this led me to often stick in relationships that weren’t working because of my panic about how much time I had left to have kids and how before I could I’d have to fall in love with somebody and spend enough time with them to know I wanted to get married and then reach a good time to have kids and wow now I’m old so I should just make this work and you know what that was a very bad way to live! And it has landed me in the exact opposite spot than the one I was pushing so insanely to be in. Which is just to say that I highly highly recommend taking things one step at a time, that is the only way any of us can do life. And also it’s getting a lot easier to adopt and there are TONS of foster kids who need homes and also maybe one day you’ll be in a relationship or a partnership or a friendship of some kind where you can make kids using that person’s uterus.

There are lots of jobs out there with progressive companies and private health insurance that covers some or most or all of top surgery. Or you put it on a credit card or raise money or — this is not my area of expertise, but this is not the end of the road for you. One step at a time, okay? There is so much more time left than you think, and even though this period of time is unbearably uncomfortable, you’re not alone, so many people are experiencing what you are experiencing, and some day this will be in the past.

I’ve just returned to cell reception and 3 hours into over 12 hours of sitting in airports/planes and am enjoying a hummus platter and glass of wine studiously ignoring the line of straight men sitting facing me, catching up on Autostraddle and downloading gay movies for my flights. Pro travel tip free of charge please share widely: get an A+ membership, a battery pack for your electronics, and pay for that overpriced airport wine.

Heather: You travel like the queer Queen of Genovia and I honor you!

Laneia: I respect this so much.

I just spent almost 6 hours fixing the tension on my sewing machine and I’m just very excited that I finally fixed it and I just want to tell the universe!! Thanks for being awesome by the way!!
Heather: Whoa! That is an impressive level of dedication! I hope you get so much joy and cool things out of your finely tuned sewing machine!

hi just wanted to tell you that i broke things off in a relationship that was not really not working for me because rachel’s relationship kryptonite piece was Too Real. once again my A+ membership pays for itself, thanks again team!
Rachel: This is a lot! I hope you’re freer and happier now and I wish you the best!

ok so do you ever start dating someone and just want to yell it from the rooftops like “yes this hot smart wonderful human being exists and I GET TO KISS THEM”?????????? (message brought to you by the fact that I’m dating a girl for the first time in 10+ years and she’s so great and she surprised me with flowers for my birthday today and I’m just!!!! so happy!!!!!! what a strange feeling!!!!!)
Heather: Oh my gosh, I am so happy for you! And happy belated birthday!

Laneia: I LOVE THIS FEELING also happy birthday!!

I just got a new computer and the new macbooks have a reflective apple on the back and when I took it out my girlfriend was like “it’s so reflective you could look at a nipple in it!!” So I guess I just felt like it was important for y’all to know that the new Macbook pro doubles as a very good nipple mirror
Rachel: Stupendous

Riese: would anybody like to buy me one???

help my coworker complained to my boss that I’m “snippy” (not false! but ALSO!!! !) so now we’re having all these MEETINGS but the thing is i have been BOILING OVER W STRESS bc I’ve just reached my limit! but i don’t have another job lined up! but now that this church preschool has a pastor and a new Christian Curriculum?? i DON’T HAVE THE ENERGY TO PRETEND I’M A BELIEVER FOR 40 HOURS OF “GOD MADE THE WORLD” A WEEK. I CAN’T DO IT. I CRIED TODAY AND HAD TO PRETEND IT WAS FOR A DIFFERENT REASON BC I COULD FEEL THE WORDS “I NEED TO QUIT” COMING UP LIKE A SCREAM. i don’t have. any other. job opportunities. i feel so trapped
Yvonne: Ahh this is so stressful! I’m sorry you’re going through this at the moment! Just remember your work isn’t everything and make sure to breathe and find joy outside of the workplace. If it’s super toxic for you now with no sign of getting better, maybe it’s time to make a plan to leave? It may be scary but it will help you mentally in the long run. I know you said you don’t have job opportunities lined up but it’s probably worth looking into finding a different job, even if it’s outside of your current line of work. Good luck!

today i had ANOTHER meeting with my boss where it became clear that my assistant teacher is upset with me because sometimes, after she doesn’t do something that i asked her to do, i Tell her to do it. and she doesn’t like that. did i mention that this woman is my assistant? because SHE IS MY ASSISTANT. GOOD LORD
Laneia: Well this sounds like a damn nightmare. Could you hire another assistant or ask a student to be your assistant and just never ask her to do anything ever again. She just sits there with no work to do, no direct orders to ignore, nothing. Done. IS THAT PETTY idk.

I joined A+ recently and am really loving it! Also, I’ve only just recently started working on loudly and proudly identifying as pansexual/queer, and five minutes after coming out to a new friend the other day found my A+ stickers in the mail, which felt like the universe saying GOOD JOB, QUEER PERSON. It was fantastic.
Heather: Awww, that makes me so happy! Thank you for joining A+, congratulations on loudly and proudly declaring your identity, and I hope you have a really beautiful day.

Laneia: Thank you for being here and for being loud and proud!!!

Oh my god I went on birth control for the first time at the age of 30 and w o w this is a lot. I had always read about how starting testosterone was like having second puberty but this is also like second puberty in its own way. Why don’t women talk about this?
Heather: Yes! I started taking birth control last year after I had endometriosis surgery and it actually took a while to find one that didn’t make me sick! Migraines, spotting, nausea, fatigue, no sex drive, the weirdest aches and pains, anxiety, depression, and on and on. I’ve finally found one that works for me and doesn’t cause those things but it has made me gain weight and made my adult acne go berserk — but it’s the best option I have for right now. It was so wild to me when that’s what my OBGYN said: “None of these is going to work perfectly, so you’ve got to find the one that gives you the side-effects you can tolerate the most.” Anyhoodle, good luck to you. I hope you’re getting some relief for the thing you’re taking it for!

I REGRET EVERYTHING I IMPULSIVELY SEND HERE!! I WISH IT HAD TAKE-BACKS. an unsend button
Laneia: Whew this is exactly how I feel after a night of hanging out with new people. Just PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY WHY DO I EVER TALK ABOUT ANYTHING UGHGHGHHH. But I’ve been told that is an outsized response to have after just being a normal person who says normal things. So.

Just had to un-come out at work to a few people as non-binary, because I’m not comfortable with how people in this incredibly heteronormative tech start-up workplace say ‘they’ pronouns at me — it’s their tone, their arguing that it’s not grammatically correct, their everything. I just wanted a second to go back to A-Camp with my non-binary babe friends, and other babe friends, where my ‘they’ sticker was reality and respected and I guess I’m just here to say I love y’all at AS a lot. thanks for being here for me.
Laneia: I am SO sorry, that’s so fucked! You probably already know about Archie’s book but just in case: A Quick and Easy Guide to They/Them Pronouns for maybe this purpose:

A pal sent me this pic of how they are using their copy of A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns by me and @_greasetrap_ with @limerencepress in their workspace! A great easy way to have coworkers learn on their own time pic.twitter.com/IE0lenMRnR

— Archie @ SPX table J12A (@grease_bat) August 28, 2018

Hi beautiful people, my partner and I just had the most beautiful summer – we got married, made commitments with another queer couple to build family together (via sperm donation and surrogacy), traveled, and generally got super strong. Now we’re in for a year of long-distance, which includes a year of figuring out how to get back together in the same place with jobs, health insurance, etc etc. My sweetie just drove off this morning and my heart is so heavy and I just needed to tell somebody but also can’t bear to tell anybody who might respond immediately because then it would be too real and I might not stop crying. OK love you thanks for this box as a place to put this feeling right now <3
Heather: That sounds like a wonderful summer; I’m so happy for you. I know this next year will be hard, but I am a firm believer that long distance can work if you’re both people are willing to put in the extra work and extra compassion and extra communication it requires. (I believe that because it was true for me when it had to be.) Hang in there and keep hanging in there. Sending you both so much love and strength.

My ex doesn’t have cancer!!
LANEIA: THIS IS GREAT NEWS

Okay so, back in June of last year Rachel gave me some beautiful advice about feeling attracted to a cis guy for the first time and it was really just the best response. Anyhow, here is an update to say that I did finally hook up with him and while it was not earth-/identity-shattering it felt good and he was super respectful and even shared a little bit about same-sex experiences he has had. I am just letting it be a moment of pleasure in the middle of a really difficult year and trusting that whatever it does or doesn’t mean will reveal itself in time.
Rachel: “I am just letting it be a moment of pleasure in the middle of a really difficult year and trusting that whatever it does or doesn’t mean will reveal itself in time.” Well this almost made me tear up so thank you, I appreciate you coming back to share this so much!

Oh Hi! I am serving my time at the LA Superior Court waiting for my jury duty torment to be over and… turns out their computer lets me access Autostraddle! its not blocked like at the cafe! who would have thought?!
Riese: It is truly bananas that the LA Superior court is more progressive than Panera or the Phoenix airport… or is it

ok, so a while ago i sent in a question freaking out about nonmonogamy and! i would just like to follow up that i have doing a lot of SELF REFLECTION and THOUGHTFUL GROWTH and while it has been hard i am unexpectedly really thriving in this arrangement! sometimes not basing your choices/actions/habits in fear works out! wow!! thanks autostraddle love you guys
Riese: That’s so great! I find that non-monogamy (which for me would definitely involve a primary partner) often really gives me the space to be myself and feel like the world is more open to me and that I am of the world and not always Of The Relationship. Like for some reason when I’m in a non-monogamous thing I feel like I have more freedom to travel without my partner than otherwise? I don’t know why, I just do. It’s definitely not for everybody but I’m glad it’s working out for you!

I feel like relationships and friendship between lesbians/queer women and gay/queer men (and nb ppl who are adjacent to those groups/communities in whatever way) are very beautiful and special and have been precious to me personally. i see straight people read my friendships with gay men as sort of will & graceish but they do not feel like that at all to me, and it’s not even that those friendships are free from sexual tension or possibility because obviously lots of people are queer/bi/pan/not 100% gay. a lot of gay pop culture stuff i love is about or for gay men. sometimes i don’t entirely relate to internet (not AS really) cutesy misandry or lesbian commune jokes because of this. irl i’m not really part of a queer “community” but in theory feel more affiliation with queer people and history in general than with just lesbians and lesbian history. i’m not complaining at ALL and i know i am very lucky to be able to feel so safe with some men. i don’t know where i’m going with this but just wanted to say it. it would feel obnoxious to request more MAN content on autostraddle and perhaps it’s just not the place and i totally understand that. but also those relationships are cool and interesting and even just queer women’s relationships to more general gay culture is cool and interesting. ALSO I was talking about friendships etc but it’s ALSO interesting when people who are not the same gender but are both gay or queer date each other. like i’ve seen a lot of stuff about the frustrations queer women feel about dating straight men but fewer interesting things about dating men who are not straight.
Riese: These are genuinely interesting thoughts and ideas! We actually used to write about gay guy culture all the time — we wrote about Adam Lambert every day and about gay men who came out. We wrote about Glee before there was any clue that there’d one day be female homosexuals on it. I think now there’s just so much queer girl culture to keep up with so we prioritize women-related stories, and also because there’s so much out there for gay men already. But I will think about what you said and I think it’s valid and interesting.

A general share for you all – I recently decided to go back to school to study journalism/mass communications. This is largely due to the influence reading Autostraddle daily for the past ten years has had on me!! Thanks for being awesome.

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / I NEED INFORMATION / ARTICLE IDEAS

I was made aware last night that a pussy power hand signal exists. Can one tell me why, how and when? I felt like a dolt that I didn’t know how to do it and also slightly offended because as a black person, it was assumed that I might know all the hand signals that might remotely resemble a gang sign, especially one that does kinda, maybe celebrate WLW, but seems a bit TERFy.
Laneia: Don’t feel like a dolt! Are you talking about this?

It’s ok to celebrate the vulvular situations in your friend group, and it’s totally possible to do so without being TERFy for SURE — we do it all the time here! Wow I haven’t thought about Whitney Mixter in a very long time.

Riese: I think trans women, regardless of their literal genitalia, also have pussy power.

does OKC suck now??? I’m a queer in melbourne and it seems not as good as it did in the olden days
Rachel: Yes, but also… maybe it always sucked? Kind of? *x files theme*

Ok so I gave up on OITNB after they killed Poussey (which I couldn’t even watch because gratuitous killing/torture). HOWEVER, Vicci Martinez. Worth watching again? Can I skip last season? Can you do a viewing guide like you did with the L word? Thanks!
Riese: OOH I think a viewing guide is a good idea but probs I’ll wait ’til the whole series is over. Carmen and I both liked this season a lot more than the last two, if that helps.

What AS article has gotten the all time most comments?
Heather: I can’t say for sure but if I had to guess it’d be Riese’s list of all the dead lesbian/bi/queer TV characters in history. I’m actually not even sure if the comments on that page will load anymore because there are so many! Update: While I was just guessing in the dark, I see that Laneia went into Slack and WordPress and did some research and talked to some humans and found out the real actual answer and it is, in fact, the dead lesbians. (Laneia is very good at her job, and she loves you very much.)

Riese: I was the human, FTR!!!

I love Mika’s fashion advice! Is Nora still doing fashion writing here too?
Heather: She isn’t actually because she’s writing a book! You can still find her on Twitter, though.

Rachel: Me too!

I remember at one time somebody (Riese??) posting info on how to pick a shower curtain.. Like, less toxic options, and something about “off-gassing” where chemicals from the plastic in the shower curtain are released in the shower steam.. Does this ring any bells? Anyway, I need help picking a shower curtain and I’m tired of the moldy, cheap, plastic shit from Target. I want an upgrade ! Thanks love you ! ?
Riese: I would be REALLY surprised if it was me because I am notoriously bad at less toxic options in all areas of life. I know Rachel wrote about how to clean a shower curtain here, and New York Magazine has a little guide here.

Hello! Has there ever been anything written about coming to faith (specifically Christianity) as an out queer adult? Or is there anything elsewhere? Or someone I can follow on Twitter? This is something I’m working through at the moment and as the research nerd I am I’m reading everything I can find – which isn’t much! Recommendations and/or advice would be very gratefully received. Thanks!
Yvonne: Hi! I don’t we have anything specifically about coming to faith as a queer adult. But I hope you’ll read some of Audrey‘s excellent writing on being a queer Christian. Here are two: Seeking Queer Theology And Perfect Love That Casts Out Fear /// How Breaking Bread with Queer Christians Helped Me Rediscover Radical Love

Is Shaq hosting “Shark Week” queer culture? I think the sea lion he’s hanging out with in the promos is giving off Soft Butch Energy. Please discuss.
Heather: Oh I think sea lions almost always have soft butch energy. Excellent observation!

Riese: lesbians love sea mammals.

Can we get a piece about “boyfriend” line of Clothes? What companies sell them and what are the most relevant items for Straddlers?
Rachel: We will take this under consideration! It doesn’t answer your question but I think you might enjoy this post.

hey autostraddle, can do you have a masterpost of articles related to emotional abuse? Thanks!
Laneia: We’re actually working on a landing page situation for a few things and this could be one of those things! It’ll be depressing as fuck to compile it though! Wheeeeeahahhhaaa!

Please could you write something about choosing not to have children?
Rachel: We will take this under consideration!

Could we get a Style Thief for Kate McKinnon’s character (Morgan) in The Spy Who Dumped Me? She’s not canonically queer to my knowledge, but it’s Kate McKinnon, so the character has sexual tension with every other woman onscreen. And she has GREAT clothes.
Laneia: This is a possibility! It’s been a long time since we’ve infuriated the free world with a Style Thief and I think we’re about due.

Can Heather Hogan please write a tutorial on how to make men cry? XOXO
Heather: It’s honestly as simple as not giving them what they want/not making them feel like the anchor of the universe. I nearly made a man cry in the bagel shop this morning when I said, “I’m in line. You’ll have to get behind me.”

Hello team, huge fan and fellow Mommi enthusiast here. However, I’ve noticed a tragic lack of coverage of a key part of the Mommi aesthetic: The High Waisted Wide Leg Pant/ Jumpsuit (see Mommi Mia 2, fig 1-50). Is related content in the hopper? If not, I very seriously and humbly offer myself to the cause. 
Laneia: I’m going on record as agreeing with you and also wanting this post. Mommi Styles for Pumpkin Spice Latte Season, although to be honest I think the more mommi drink is a cinnamon iced coffee.

Anyone recapping Strangers (on Facebook)? Can I?
Heather: I reviewed season one and season two! It’s not really the kind of show we’d spend the resources recapping, but I really do enjoy it.

Beth Ditto has a cute queer trans BF and she seems really happy. Could Beth Ditto make it into Vapid Fluff?
Yvonne: I’ll pass this on to Stef!

What do y’all do for exercise? Trying to move my body more in a fun/motivating way.
Heather: I ride my bike almost every day and do some Beginning Yoga (by Adriene) videos several times a week (which Sarah Sarwar turned me onto). I also walk a lot because I live in NYC. I got a hand-me-down Fitbit a couple of months ago and I love it. It gives you such praise when you hit 10K steps in a day! It does fireworks and buzz buzz buzzes on your wrist like it’s just too happy to contain itself!

Laneia: I tried for YEARS to create and stick to a morning routine that involved yoga and going to the gym and it NEVER WORKED. And then I just recently realized I’m a midday/afternoon workout person!! So now I do yoga (by Adriene also!) in the middle of the day instead of taking a lunch break (I just eat my lunch while I work, and I pre-make those lunches on Sunday, so like, nothing can go wrong here) and then I go to the motherloving gym that I despise. I just use the elliptical there because I’m too chickenshit to try any of the other equipment EVEN THOUGH WE PUBLISHED THIS POST and even though I’m a grown woman and even though Front Desk Brad offered to show me around when I got my membership and explain any and all of the machines and exercises I could possibly ever want to know about! Anyway. THEN I come home and if I have time/am not needed immediately at work, I lift some teeny lil’ 5lb weights while I stare at myself in the mirror all covered in sweat pretending that I’m in a workout/porn video.

Yvonne: ZUMBA! I have a membership to my local YMCA and do normal gym things there like running on the treadmills, lifting weights, using the elliptical thing. BUT I’m a group class kinda gal because they motivate me and doesn’t make me feel like I’m alone. I love the cycling class but honestly the instructor’s taste in music turned me off and I don’t go anymore. :( I know! But honestly I can’t take listening to Imagine Dragons while I’m trying to fucking pedal up a mountain. Or Christian rock music??? LIKE. It’s a hit or miss so I just stopped wasting my time. Anyways ZUMBA has been my saving grace and I love Zumba so much!!! I love dancing even though I’m not the best dancer and the music is mostly all my faves. If you do it right, it’s truly a workout but doesn’t feel like one because it’s fun. It also has this meditative quality to it because you’re following someone else and once you’ve done it enough, you memorize the moves so you just kinda zone out. I love it!

Riese: I work out in the mornings — usually, I go to 24 Hour Fitness and do some thighs & quads things, and then I kinda hang out on the elliptical trainer while reading or texting or watching something on my iPad. If it’s not too hot, I’ll just take Carol on an really super-long walk — lately I’ve really liked walking down Melrose, really early before everything opens and it’s just these expensive shops with soda cups on the sidewalks in front of them and everything gradually wakes up while we walk. Or I’ll do Yoga with Adrienne. Often I do leg or ab exercises in my room with my leg weights, and luckily i have these big mirrors which means it’s a lot of being like, wow, look how fit I am, the world is lucky to have me.

Hi friends, do y’all have writings / resources on asexuality 101 you could recommend? I feel extremely lost w/r/t the asexuality spectrum & community and find myself coming to conclusions on my own that are likely super problematic. Also I have some weird complicated sexual feelings myself and maybe learning more would be helpful in unpacking them! Anything is possible. I saw in one of the YNH advice coming from “someone on staff who identifies as ace,” is there any chance that person will be writing more about that? Also – maybe this is a stretch – but I would be interested to see a sex diary from someone with a lower sex drive / who is ace or something in that realm – what are the chances of that? Thanks for everything you do every damn day!

Yvonne: Here’s a video that Kristin did on asexuality for her First Person series a few years ago. You can check out some articles we’ve done in the past on asexuality but they’re not necessarily 101 posts. There’s some resources in this conversation Mey had with her brother. And it depends on our writers who would be willing to write a sex diary with those themes!

Can you please do a queer guide to dollywood?
Heather: OMG.

Laneia: ?

Please write an article on having sex while fat, both for the fat person, a non-fat partner, and two fat people. that would be amazing
Yvonne: Yes! Ok, we’ll keep this in mind!

Riese: Yes this is on the list of sex 101 posts we want!

More content on hiring an escort as a queer woman – fascinating!
Laneia: I agree!!!

Riese: It is! I also have like a thesis worth of theories about why it isn’t more common that I would love to share some time.

I don’t know if you take requests/recommendations for Getting in Bed with Kristin, or how doable this is buuuuut I think it would be rad if you could do have Chani Nicholas on? Also DeAnne Smith? Also, Rebecca Sugar? Also Kathy and/or Tobin from the Nancy podcast? Okay, I am going to stop know because I came her to recommend Chani and now I am just going to list all my queer heroes and this list is going to get long and it’s probably unrealistic so…also, did Daniel Mallory Ortberg ever get in bed with Kristin? I know it was supposed to happen but I can’t find it? Thaaaaaaaanks. Love you lots, y’all are superstars.
Laneia: This is a great list of suggestions! (And no, Danny Ortberg wasn’t able to make it on GIBWK!)

Riese: Kristin loves suggestions! You should also e-mail her at kristin at everyoneisgay dot com. She asks me for suggestions all the time.

I think we need to bring back the art of floriography, because it was gay in the Victorian era and it can be gay again now! What could be better than stealthily communicating complex emotions through complex floral arrangements? More to the point, what could be gayer? I feel like an article about this topic would be wildly popular.
Heather: Mmm hmm.

Hey, I wanted to let you all know about Grace Petrie’s new song ‘Black Tie‘, which I found out about yesterday via PinkNews. Grace Petrie is amazing! A friend gave me her album “Heart First Aid Kit” and I’ve been listening to it again and again and again. Grace’s new album “Queer as Folk” is out on iTunes later this month! Warmest wishes, Kate

Riese: Thank you for this top! I know I meant to say “tip” but … did i

Thank you for Autostraddle. For the last couple of decades I had stopped really paying attention to queer women’s + culture, but have reached a point in my life where I REALLY need it. Y’all are a lifeline. I just upgraded my membership to silver as my drop in the support bucket.

MISC

rainbow brite is queer culture
Laneia: Exactly.

i just feel like Ginger in West Wing is a lesbian, ya know
Heather: CJ, too.

How about a feature on webcomics now and then? With Project Wonderful closing down, it’ll be that much more difficult to get word out about interesting comics – FSM knows, I discovered half my list through their ads. One I’ve recently discovered (yep, female creator) is the gorgeous and surreal The Property of Hate
Rachel: Hello Mey’s column Drawn to Comics featured so many webcomics! That column is no longer running but you might find some new comics to check out in its archives. Thank you for this tip!

Not sure if this is going to pop up on anyone else’s radar but this would be a great add to one of the link roundup type posts. The article covers it some but he twitter thread in its entirely blew me away. We all know how lot of people look to the marginalized group when another story about racist and homophobic garbage but instead of deferring Doolittle stood up among his peers and showed them how to be an ally. I’m proud of my team right now (even though it was our shortstop who most recently got caught with shady tweets) 
Rachel: Thank you for sharing! I love baseball and any good baseball news makes me so happy!

rose mcgowan is dating rain dove xoxo
Laneia: Love is not a lie!

A rare essay which succinctly identifies the root of what makes Facebook quite so societally terrible.
Heather: Yep!

Can ya’ll boost this? The VA is considering removing the categorical exclusion for transition-related health care from their medical benefits package. They’ve opened it up to public comment, and according to Lambda Legal there is currently a lot of negative feedback being posted: 
Laneia: I can put this in an AAA! Aaaaaah it only has like one day left!

Sorry, if this is not an appropriate use of the contact box, but I so want to share this with SOMEONES. Katharine Hepburn: It’s always bothered me that she denied being a lesbian, but I had chalked it up to general Hollywood closeting. But maybe she was actually transgender and there was no way for her to express or define her identity:  Thank you and have a lovely day.
Yvonne: Thanks for sharing!

Aw, I was so looking forward to the continuation of both strips, 3am and S.H.E.
Heather: You can follow their creators on Twitter and keep up with their current projects! S.H.E. is Megan and Moll. 3am is Pam.

Are androgynous dresses a thing? Like I want to wear a dress but still maintain that tomboy femme / dapper femme style. It seems that a lot of androgynous dresses are very baggy and sometimes you want to show off your great butt and also not wear pants. I guess I could just be naked, but here in pearl clutching New England I think you can still get tried as a witch for that.
Yvonne: I believe they are a thing! Hmm I feel like you’re right about andro dresses being more baggy. I think you can still find things with clean lines but that accentuate your curves. Maybe the dresses here can give you some inspiration. 

roberta colindrez update: she was cast in s2 of Vida. I told my friend about that, and he was like, “That is the most obvious and perfect casting. You must be thrilled.”
Rachel: Aren’t we all!

Yvonne: I can’t wait to watch the next season!

Hi Vanessa, I just want you to know that I have a Capricorn Sun, Mercury, Venus, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune so every time you talk about being a Capricorn I really love it and really ~feel~ it, thx!
Vanessa: omg thank you for sending in this sweet note bb, i hope your saturn return isn’t kicking your butt too hard and that you got to make a really beautiful to do list today and then check a bunch of stuff off of it! #capricorns4ever xoxo

CAMERON ESPOSITO AND RHEA BUTCHER ARE SEPARATING, IS LOVE A LIE?!?
Heather: Absolutely not.

Riese: But it’s hard!

CAM AND RHEA :( :( :( :(
Rachel: :(

Websites that aggregate ratings for films or books or other products should allow you to sub-divide or filter by demographic, so if I am trying to decide whether to watch/purchase a film about queer women I can see the average rating given to it by queer women and just ignore the views of straight men.
Rachel: I think about this ALL THE TIME. I also think about this a lot in terms of goods and services — I want to be able to find an accountant who’s a woman, women-owned restaurants when I’m deciding where to go to dinner, filter out articles about representation written by straight or white people, etc. I cannot overstate how much time I spend wishing for this! I’m glad I’m not alone.

Have you seen the Disney princesses in comfy clothes yet? IT’S P GAY: 
Heather: Yes, I love this. I watched it like ten times the day it came out.

Hey I read this awesome novella, The Lamb Will Slaughter the Lion, by Margaret Killjoy, and it’s, like, this hardcore queer anarchist take on urban fantasy, and I love it so much, and I want her to write more sequels, so if you want a quick read where people ask newcomers what pronouns they use and also fight creepy demons, please give it a go!
Rachel: I LOVE CREEPY DEMONS and also queer anarchists, how did you know! Thank you!

Bahahhahahaa!!! I was literally just about to hop in here to say “who is this Nathaniel character and why is he mansplain commenting on Heather’s alewives article ?” And then I refreshed the page and Heather commented w/ the pic of Therese and Carol listening to that dumb salesmanYES YES
Heather: That photo is honestly the perfect response to every mansplain. I have never once tweeted it or commented it back to a man who didn’t immediately shut the fuck up.

How do you make a gif? I Need a gif of Shane saying “where do you LIVE Mark??” Do you know the scene Im talking about? Bc god sometimes that is just the thing I want to say to dudes on the internet
Laneia: Can someone please make this gif for us.

Hey pals! Ty for answering my question in that extra post you did for A+ recently. Also, i have a bit of a celeb crush on Hannah Hart and Rhea Butler. Do the team have any celeb crushes?
Heather: Yes, Viola Davis!

Rachel: Sara Ramirez!

Riese: Andrea Long Chu

Listen, I’m over here watching s2 of Harlots and it is getting gayer by the SECOND. The finale is coming up next week, and I’m desperate for the AS take on it all!!
Rachel: Friend, does Riese have some great news for you.

This seems to include many of Heather’s and many of your interests: queers, beers, and reclaiming church 
Heather: Oh holy cats, that is so cool!

Just FYI 
Heather: Oh well that made me somehow even gayer.

Have you watched the doc “Dykes, Camera, Action!”? It was super interesting and made me think of your deep dive into the history of lesbians on TV, but more focussed on film. Also gave me new ideas for lesbian movies to watch.
Yvonne: Oooo this looks really good!

HAVE YOU ALL SEEN THIS YET 
Heather: I have! Because the person two comments above you also sent it in!

just recommending the “motion sickness” video by phoebe bridgers to everyone
Rachel: I love that sad bitch!

BDE now stands for big dyke energy
Heather: [Carol Aird voice] It always did.

Laneia: screaming @ heather’s answer

I love the bad behaviour series so much. It says it’s issue 13 – where can I find the others? Will you be doing other issues and what will their topics be?
Laneia: Great question, friend!! There will be other issues (it’s a quarterly deal) and the next issue will be announced at the beginning of October and will run November and December. The other 12 issues can be found by going to the nav bar and hovering over ISSUES, which’ll create a dropdown list of all of them!

Have any of you read Dracula??? Just wondering as he seems kinda gay at one point in the book. I know the vampire novella Carmilla is queer coded so I’m going to read that at some point.
Heather: 92% of all vampires are queer.

hello hello this question is partially specifically for Molly Priddy and I am sorry for any rambling bc I am a little over-caffeinated and a lot anxious and I just finished re-reading your old, old essay “I’m just a small-town lesbian wearing flannel, building community.” Anyway, the point is that I am a born and raised Californian, like 100%, like have lived my whole entire life in the super-but-often-extremely-performative-but-still-comforting liberal bubble that is coastal California. And after a post-grad-school year of frustration and anguish I’ve finally been offered my dream job! But, it requires an unexpected move to Kalispell, MT. So I guess my question is… how scary is snow on a scale from 1 to straight cis white man (I assume those are just as scary everywhere), how many weird looks will I get for my alternative lifestyle haircut, and is this the time in my life when I will finally be forced to get into the whole flannel-wearing thing? Also bears. How scared should I be of bears. Anyway, I love all of you at Autostraddle and I owe you my whole entire heart and soul and I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without the consistently amazing work you guys do. I just hope I don’t get eaten by a bear too soon so I get to see many more years of stellar reporting and community-building!
Molly: Yes hello, and welcome to Northwest Montana, where the bears are numerous and the queers are not!

First of all, the snow is no joke, and the Farmers Almanac says this year is going to be a doozy. We believe the Farmers Almanac because it’s usually correct. So to that end, I’d say get comfortable in four-wheel drive, buy some scarves, and get ready to glide through life as though everything is a bobsled run! It’s actually pretty fun, because there really aren’t that many people here, so your odds of hitting someone else go way down when compared to California.

Secondly, you’ll get looks. I get looks every day, and I’ve got short hair. I get misgendered constantly, and lucky for me, I can brush it off as funny because it’s never been used as a tool of violence against me. Men will look at you with curiosity and then likely disdain, but women, wow — the women will look and look and look at you, as though you are oxygen in their hetero-carbon-dioxide world. But yeah, situational awareness is a good thing to have when you’re out in public; I’m not saying you should be scared all the time, but you should pay attention to who is around you and where you are. I’ve not run into anything super scary, just your average, mediocre white cis male privilege.

Third: Don’t worry, by the time you get here, the bears will be hibernating, and you can put off being terrified of being lunch until the spring!

fyi if you want more sex workers/queers in 18th century london after watching harlots, confessions of the fox is a good book
Riese: Thank you for this tip!

But I’m a Cheerleader is a national treasure and I don’t even particularly like movies.
Riese: You are correct and that is why it is #1 on this very important list.

oh my GAWD y’all i mean seriously EVERYTHING has been great around here lately but on this particular day YOU. ARE. KILLING. IT! I would die without Autostraddle thank you so much for everything!

Really Nice Things You Told Us

Laneia, welcome back! I’ve been meaning to tell you how much your musings at the beginning of AAA have meant to me, and never got around to it until suddenly you were gone, and I wondered if you would return. Srsly, there have been times that your paragraph at the beginning of AAA was one of the few things in my week that reliably brought a smile to my face. I knew if I clicked thru, I would find at least a moment of solace and maybe even a laugh. So here it is – a very long overdue thank you for being part of my unofficial survival kit.
Laneia: THIS IS SO KIND OF YOU TO SAY AND I LOVE IT. Thank you!!

I just wanted to thank you all for being here, and let you know how much Autostraddle means to me! While I have been “out” to myself as queer for over a decade, it has only been in the last two years that I have really let myself express that and accept just how queer I am. Stumbling on this site is one of the best things to have happened to me. The last two years have been a relief, but also scary and isolating. Autostraddle has helped me feel less alone. Thank you!
Rachel: Oh this is so good to read, I’m so happy and proud of you!

Joyous Insider comment update: after making out with my A-Camp crush in the real world two and a half months ago, we are still having a ball and I think at the end of the month I’m going to ask her to be my girlfriend. Thanks for spreading the queer agenda via A-Camp and this genuine gift of a site you give so much of yourselves to.
Rachel: I love joyous updates and this one is so joyous, thank you for sharing with us!

Hi you are all beautiful on the inside and outside :) Thanks for being amazing!
Yvonne: <3

oh my GAWD y’all i mean seriously EVERYTHING has been great around here lately but on this particular day YOU. ARE. KILLING. IT! I would die without Autostraddle thank you so much for everything!
Heather: Thank you so much! It makes us happy when you’re happy!

Wow the Bad Behavior issue is phenomenal and you are all so smart and talented! Thanks for putting such thought and creativity into Autostraddle.
Yvonne: It has come together so nicely and the essays have been phenomenal and the art is spectacular! Ugh, I agree. It’s been so good! Thank you!

Hi! I just have to say Autostraddle is awesome! You’ve helped me so much – Autostraddle helped me come out to myself and become comfortable being an awesome, queer, bi lady-loving woman! Tomorrow is my first date with a woman and I’m super excited :) Thank you for everything you do!
Rachel: I’M THRILLED please tell us how it goes!

Remembering that yall are in the world doing what you do is my happy place today! THANK YOU FOR DOING YOU.
Yvonne: Yay! Thank YOU

Even though the Bad Behavior theme did not resonate with me I wanted to say that the other non-BB themed articles are killing it lately. Good job team
Yvonne: Great!

I’m enjoying the posts being up earlier. Thanks for that
Laneia: You are quite welcome.

I have loved the Bad Behavior issue so much! Thank you for doing this!
Heather: Me too! I have enjoyed it so much too! And you’re very welcome.

I really like the quarterly themes, I’m super excited to see what the theme for next quarter is.
Riese: 1. I really like them too, 2. HAHAHAAHAHAHA ME TOO

Creatrix Tiara was super good in their Quippings performance/MCing/Q&A at MWF, just saying.
Tiara: Oh!! Yeah I co-produced and performed in a reading of works by queer disabled artists (Quippings is the name of the group) at the Melbourne Writers Festival. Thank you so much for your support and kind words, OP! It was great fun and such a good opportunity!! (Also yay another Melbourne straddler!)

This is just a shout out to Heather for equipping me with the information to give a detailed response to my dad’s question about why beer is kind of a gendered drink when we went out for drinks last night. He was super interested and now I feel like telling everyone I know about the feminist history of beer.
Heather: Dearest, you have made my day!

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