Questions from the A+ Inbox were taking up such an enormous portion of the A+ Insider that we’ve decided to dedicate an entire post to answering them every month instead! We think this will be a lot of fun for everybody in the whole family. We have included as many as we can. We love you, your hair looks fantastic today!

A-CAMP, MERCH, BUSINESS AND TECHNICAL CONCERNS

hey I just had an idea! I don’t know if it’s feasible or not or if it’s even a good idea but have you ever considered a system of one off payments for A+ content? I’m a bronze member at the moment and not really in a position to shell out the extra per month to be a silver or gold member all the time, and tbh I don’t have all the time and dedication to read every single article every single day – I probably don’t use A+ enough to make silver or gold worth it as a proportion of my income… But sometimes I’ll see a silver/gold post and the title and intro look SO GOOD and it makes me want to read it! which I know is the point so well done for that… my idea is that as well as the subscription service where you automatically get all the articles on a given tier (like buying a music album, let’s say), there was also the option to just pay to access a specific piece (like buying a single), just for like 60 cents or $1 or something? I don’t know how paying for things over the internet works what with card transaction fees and all but I would definitely be interested in that. Like if I could pay you a small amount extra to read Mey’s latest piece I would definitely do that! and if it was available to everyone even people who can’t afford bronze or cobalt could at least get a taste of A+ to treat themselves once or twice a year? who knows maybe its a terrible idea I’m sorry but I thought it may be of interest
Rachel: Thank you for sharing this! A lot of people have suggested it, and we loved how the Toast used to have that setup as well, or their “tip jar” at the bottom of the article. Unfortunately it isn’t feasible for us right now for a few reasons, but thank you for thinking of it!

Not a question but a merch suggestion: button up shirts with tiny scissor prints on them.
Riese: Oh man Sarah has been looking into the repeating-pattern situation for merch and so far all the quotes we’ve gotten have been so expensive. BUT WE WON’T GIVE UP, READER.

Is there anything we can do to get the Autostraddle calendar back? It’s so great to see different bodies!!
Riese: If your name is Molly Adams then we’d definitely be like “okay sure shoot a calendar for us” but I feel like maybe your name is NOT Molly Adams, so I don’t know. I only came here prepared for Molly. Okay so assuming you aren’t Molly, I’m not sure! The thing is that the cost of producing the calendar exceeds what we can make from it, especially ’cause people just don’t buy calendars like they used to. So we’d need a brand-new concept on several levels.

How about an “add on” to A+ membership to “sponsor a writer”?
Rachel: We would really love this idea — unfortunately it isn’t possible for us to set up with our system. There are so many amazing support ideas that y’all always have and that we would love to implement but unfortunately the CMS that we do memberships and everything else through has limitations which prevent them! Thank you for spending time and energy thinking about ways to support us!

How did AfterEllen shutting down affect your numbers?
Riese: I’m not sure that it has, but I do think that we’ve definitely been getting a lot more commenters on our television posts, and that is great.

How many people joined A+ or upgraded their membership on the day that AE got shut down?
Riese: Over 200!

Hey! I don’t know if this is possible, but I thought it might be a neat idea for A+ members to be able to bookmark favourite articles, or star them or something. I always find when I bookmark something in my browser, it just gets lost, so this might be an idea! :) I would use that feature literally all the time!
Riese: SO WOULD I, FRIEND, SO WOULD I. But I guess it’s just not possible. :-(
Rachel: That would be so cool, you’re right! I wish we could! Unfortunately I don’t think that’s something we’re capable of doing on our end. There are a lot of workarounds I think you could probably use besides your browser’s bookmark system — you could try using something like the Evernote web clipper or the Pocket extension to add them to Evernote or Pocket to read later if you wanted!

Remember when you guys did a giant fundraiser to fund the refresh of the website? Well, it’s kind of another watershed moment, right? Maybe time for another one?
Riese: UGH I WISH. I don’t know if it’d land very well this time though since we don’t have a specific project we’re fundraising for, and so many of our readers already are contributing through A+. Plus running campaigns are super time-consuming too, and we’re already stretched so thin! But we are still praying for a bunch of money to fall from the sky ASAP.

Is there really no way to fix the problem that the “Reply to this comment” -button simply disappears after a few? It really cuts short the deeper discussions. If/when AS:s one main focus is to build community and offer a forum and when you even explicitly ask us to comment/discuss more, this is a HUGE problem, I am not sure you understand from the inside how big the effect is? Hope you find a better solution soon!
Riese: No, that could be changed, the reason it is the way it is because it gets so indented that your comment ends up being a tiny column of sadness and despair. But you can hit “reply” on the most recent reply and then just @ to let people know who you are responding to if it isn’t clear.

I am an AfterEllen orphan who has found your site, thankfully. I’ve read some of what’s been written here about the demise of Afterellen and about the difficulties of maintaining queer-women centric media outlets. I had a thought and decided maybe it was worth sharing. Maybe you’ve already thought of this and rejected it, but here goes: have Autostraddle decision makers ever considered making Autostraddle a 501(c)(3) nonprofit? Of course I’m assuming it’s not one right now. Nonprofit status might open up another source of funding (foundations/donors that give to nonprofits). And donations by members/readers could be tax deductible. Also, supplies or whatever things you buy–you wouldn’t have to pay sales taxes. Just a thought.
Rachel: Thank you for thinking of us! A lot of people have suggested this over the years and honestly it’s not really a workable option for us and for what our team needs to be sustained.
Riese: Yup we’ve looked into this at length and our current structure is the structure that makes the most sense right now.

Hi autostraddle! Midwest A-Camp is next weekend and I’m feeling sad because I can’t go. Please do another Wisconsin camp with more notice next time? I don’t often have an extra 500$ in my bank account with only a month and a half to save. Another idea-since the Midwest camp is more accessible (as in easier to get to and not so isolated as CA camp) maybe you could do day passes? I could totally come for a Saturday!
Rachel: We’re definitely doing more in the Midwest, good news for you! And yes, you should have more time to plan and save — the short timeline wasn’t something we wanted or did on purpose, and was really hard on us as well; unfortunately sometimes when it comes to event planning you’re forced into situations like that. Look out for more camps in the future!

Please keep existing. How can we make sure you do?
Rachel: You’re doing it RIGHT NOW by being a member! Thank you so much! Truly, you don’t know how much it means to us when people are already paying subscribers and then ask what MORE they can do. A+ is really crucial to our survival and the more members (and the more sustainable their membership) we have, the more stable we can be. If you (or your friends or family) can’t afford a membership right now, they can share our articles on social media and help increase our reach and traffic that way; even just “liking” our content on Facebook helps us reach new readers and become stronger and more sustainable.

What are the executive team’s upcoming long-term plans for Autostraddle?
Riese: This is a very big question that relies a lot on funding! Maybe ask me a more specific question.

Coupla things-I’d love an autostraddle beanie this winter! And/or, a roundup of cute beanie/winter hats. Also, can you design more wearable merch with images instead of words? I love the scissoring shirt but for some reason don’t like wearing shirts with writing on them. I’m a weirdo, I know. Thanks!
Riese: We are trying to think of some good images instead of words as we live and breath!!!

I wish you carried larger sizes in your merch. I would buy almost every shirt if they came in my size (4x-5x, depending on material), but 2x just isn’t cutting it. I think not providing merch in larger sizes sends the wrong message to fat readers, that this isn’t a place for them. :(
Heather: We’ll look into this!

ALL-CONSUMING NEEDS TO SHARE

I went to my first gay wedding a couple of weeks ago! But I didn’t feel good after, it was weird. I’ve been to a load of straight weddings and even when I haven’t known the people that well, I’ve felt all uplifted after. This one was different. It was a friend from uni who I’ve kinda drifted apart from, and went with my best friend and both our gfs. We were the only gay people there (bar the brides) and all wore button up shirts ha. It was super traditional to the extent I felt really awkward introducing my girlfriend as my girlfriend and it felt like people were uncomfortable with how obviously gay we looked. The brides were both in big, traditional dresses, and it was v traditional in every way except the fact they are both women. Some 22 year old guy who was a friend of one of the families insulted me and then us (“Are you in uniform?” (he was wearing basically the same as me), “My housemate is a lesbian, you all wear plaid haha”). I’m still a student and have awesome friends so I live in a nice bubble of not having to deal with this kinda stuff, and didn’t expect to at a gay wedding! I don’t really know what I’m trying to say, I think cos I was so excited about it I was just disappointed. It was their day and they seemed to have a wonderful time which is the most important thing. I guess I just needed to vent about it, it gave me a lot of feelings.
Yvonne: I’m sorry that happened! That would make me feel weird too! It seems the guests at this wedding only know these two gay people and haven’t been around other queers or know anything about queer culture. You’re right — as long as the brides had a good time, that’s what matters at their wedding. Hopefully you’ll have fun at a different gay wedding soon, which I’m sure you’ll be invited to in the future!

Hey, the Hatoful boyfriend article made me think of my favorite text-only gaming company, Choice of Games. They almost always have queer storylines and multiple inclusive gender options and for people who like games where you click through options, it’s awesome! There are so many, although my favorite is choice of robots, nerd that I am. Anyway, just thought straddlers would enjoy hearing about them!
Heather: Thank you for letting us know! I will also make sure Jenna knows. She only bought that game to review it but I think she secretly fell in love with it so she’ll probably like this too!

I am so damn psyched to be living somewhere where when I overhear a long-haired girl in a pencil skirt introducing the long-haired girl next to her as her girlfriend, she damn well means girl friend
Laneia: THE DREAM.
Riese: YOU’RE LIVING IT

Y’all, I’m falling in love for the first time and it is beautiful! The catch is that that there are many miles, a pending divorce, and 20 years between us. So liiiike we’re just dear friends who want to run away together to a cottage by the sea and take care of each other all our lives. IT’S FINE DON’T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT. thank you for being a space where I can feel the feelings!
Yvonne: Oh that sounds so fun! I hope the being together happens real soon.

Riese: Well I hope y’all have found your cottage by the sea and are picking out appropriate furniture for the back porch!

This is so lesbian and so funny I just had to share with you because I can’t share it with straight people and I think you might appreciate it: This weekend I was a bridesmaid at my friend’s wedding (and it was wonderful and so much fun!!) I was still hooking up with her three years ago when she started dating her now wife. Her now wife also cheated on her once a few years ago with another guest at the wedding. Who I slept with at the wedding. And the brides were so supportive of us hooking up. (Also the first girl I ever slept with was the bride’s identical twin sister who was, of course, also a bridesmaid.) Lesbian wedding hook up charts are the best charts :)
Rachel: This is unreal, I want to print it out so I can read it over and over and perhaps create a diagram. I hope there are yearly reunions of this wedding so we can continue tracking these dynamic relationships.

I feel like I need to confess to someone that (aside from the lovely H&M ad) my main takeaway from the Pop Culture Fix was – Abby Wombach is single. I feel a little terrible, but yes my heart also leapt.
Laneia: Listen, you’re only human. Do you think I didn’t stare peacefully out my window when I read that Angelina was leaving that guy? Reader, I did. I damn well did.

I just found out that Mary Berry will not move with GBBO when it moves to Channel Four and I AM CRUSHED, I TELL YOU. We’re all still hoping someone will see the light somewhere and it will go back to the BBC with Sue and Mel and Mary right? It has to happen? Right?
Heather: This GBBO news crushed me more than I even want to talk about. This year has been so terrible and GBBO was my respite, my haven, my safe harbor! So I was really messed up about it. I cried! But it does look like Mary, Mel, and Sue are going to be doing their own thing and only Paul will be left in the tent. Honestly, Ruby’s tweets about Paul during this shakeup was the only thing that kept me going.

this, from a man who turned up to work revving a rental lamborghini. or was it a ferrari. i don't remember, the air was thick w testosterone

— Ruby Tandoh (@rubytandoh) September 22, 2016

we locked in battle with a mythic beast, both bright white and mahogany, man and baby, ego and terrible, terrible fragility all at once.

— Ruby Tandoh (@rubytandoh) September 22, 2016

I’m watching the presidential debate and doing dabs-this shit is hilarious.
Riese: What is “dabs” is this a new drug all the kids are doing

So it’s been three whole weeks since I watched the Wentworth season 4 finale and my heart fell right down into my bumsack where the writers decided it belonged, and though I was back to being able to eat/sleep within a few short days, I still feel quite literally heartsick whenever it flashes into my head, which is, inconveniently, often in every day. SO as an antidote to this, I have finally begun watching Pretty Little Liars from the very beginning. And this has been a tremendous decision! Not only do I get to laugh the house down every time I read one of Hoagie’s old recaps (fuck they’re good), I get to finally understand what the fuck a Boo Radley Van Cullen is after six long years of (occasionally) wondering. So something good came out of feeling physically sickened by grief at a teevee show again after all! YAY to all this wandering around in the woods after dark with a murderer on the loose who has been specifically targeting them with his/her hijinks! These girl are cray! And Spencer is definitely the hottest one although my softest spot is for Hanna, notlikethat, wellokkindalikethat. (And yeah I know this show is setting me up for disappointment in the long run too but HEY isn’t everything, isn’t all of life.) PEE ESS I read the Nylon article and wanted to say thanks v much for not letting TotallyHer leave piles of intrusive advertising poo all over the place as with AE. It makes SUCH a massive difference. Lovely AS interface is lovely. PEE PEE ESS I’m glad Elaine Atwell is heading over here. I turned to her Wentworth recaps while in the initial withdrawal phase when I was basically smacking my head against the wall and writing disinterested straight friends two thousand word email diatribes on how Ballie was the worst thing to happen to me in YEARS, and those recaps helped get me through. She is goodness and light and funny bones where Wentworth is absolutely fucking brutal, JFC. PEE PEE PEE ESS I love you guys, keep it real. vidge x
Heather: I know exactly what this feels like. I am glad you are here, friend. And hey, you know, this has been a rough year for lesbians on TV, but GLAAD got real about it in their Where We Are On TV report and I am hopeful that’ll help turn things back around.

Hi! I just got my A+ member sticker on the mail and wanted to say thank you. I’m super happy and excited about it, I thought it wouldn’t make it all the way to Colombia. My girlfriend sends me postcards all the time and half of them get lost on the way here from the United States, I don’t know why. Now I only need to figure out where to put it.
Yvonne: How about on a toaster? I bet you didn’t see that suggestion coming!

Laneia: It’s a good thing your girlfriend isn’t sending you puppies instead of postcards.

It’s my birthday. I feel sad. Partly it’s time passing and all the reflection. But also its about gifts. I’m really not materialistic and I’m often told I’m hard to buy for but I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed. It wasn’t about having the things but it was more about feeling known. I didn’t want anything big or expensive, but just something that said I know you. The gifts weren’t that and its made me feel sad and weird about my identity and how I express who I am. I know I am incredibly lucky to have people who love me enough to get me gifts but I couldn’t help but feel sad. I put a lot of thought and effort into buying gifts, I won’t get anything unless I’m convinced the person will love it. It didn’t feel like they did the same. I may be wrong but then it feels weirder that they don’t really know me and I’m not who I am on the inside to the outside. It might be part of a bigger thing of not being good at expressing how I feel but I don’t want the people I love to not really know me.
Riese: I’m sorry you feel unknown in this manner, and I definitely understand that feeling of being sad or confused to receive gifts that don’t resonate with the incredible person that you are. I’m like REALLY good at giving gifts, so if I was one of your friends you’d probably be writing us a stoked message about how amazing I am, but that being said, not everybody is good at gifts! I mean look at our parents, right? Even parents who know their kids pretty damn well (which is to say: most of them) fuck up with presents year after year.  What they got you might have more to do with how many minutes they had between work and catching the bus than it does with how they feel about their own true hearts. There are so many factors to consider when gift-giving, it can be a psychological minefield. Next year tell everybody to get you a scissoring sweatshirt, okay?

Sometimes I think it’s harder to come out as someone who has mental health problems than a queer person. Anyway I just wanted to tell someone that I saw a mental health professional for the first time today after suffering from anxiety for most of my adult life. It feels like a win and also really scary.
Rachel: I’m so proud of you! That can be so difficult and it’s great that you’re pursuing this! I made a therapy appointment for this month after putting it off for, oh, I don’t know, years, so I’m really excited that we’re both taking better care of ourselves!

HAVE YOU WRITTEN ABOUT THIS / ARTICLE IDEAS AND REQUESTS / I NEED INFORMATION

Has Autostraddle ever done a queer interpretation of Myers-Brigg personality types? I just took a shortened version of the test and am feeling very grumpy about this part of the analysis of my personality type, “Often representing the epitome of family values, people with this personality type are comfortable with, and often even encourage traditional household and gender roles.” My personality lets me find comfort in routines and honesty while still challenging social norms, DAMN.
Riese: We have not. This sounds like the kind of thing that Kate could do if she still worked here, but she doesn’t. So I’m just going to look at this idea and think “this sounds neat” but not know what to do about it, which maybe describes like 65% of my waking life.

I feel like I remember seeing a thing where Heather talked about shifting from a long distance thing to a living together thing, but I cannot find this. Did I make it up? Is there something similar about moving from internet to person I’m not finding? (not the beautiful one y’all just posted, though that is also lovely)
Heather: I have talked about that all over the place on Autostraddle, but I don’t think I wrote a specific post on it. Do you need some advice about a thing? Or do you just have general worries? Or do you just want to hear me talk about how crazy in love I am with my girlfriend? (JK, JK, I know everyone hates that!) Let me know what you need so I can give it to you!

Official request for Ann M. Martin: the Autostraddle Interview
Heather: I did, in fact, put in a request for this. I never heard back. I think that means we were rejected?

I love interviews with my ex gf and want like a zillion more
Riese: ME TOO. COME ON PEOPLE WHO WORK FOR ME GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Laneia: Same.

Hi! Thank you for using the word bisexual (I assume because it was the word she had used) in the title of the Bella Thorne article. Any time I can read the word ‘bisexual’ on the front page of AS it makes me happy : ) But: considering the comment section (not a flame war, but lots of more subtle biphobia, sexism, femmephobia, etc), I think the article would have benefited from the standard ‘bisexuality commenting disclaimer’ that is often placed at the bottom of such articles here in the past year or two… And now I just tried to find an example of it and I could not : ( Has it been removed after the fact from the articles? Am I just not looking at the right ones? [Also, with respect to tagging, I know it’s a tremendous pain especially if you’re trying to do something retroactively. But: there is both a bisexual and a bisexuality tag and some articles only show up under one or the other, and some other articles like the Aubrey Plaza coming out one and the Stephanie Beatriz coming out one don’t show up under either tag!] Ok, thanks for being awesome and bisexuality-positive and I hope the little commenting note comes back soon because every time I saw it (especially since I remember the bisexuality flame wars of the first few years at AS) my heart grew three sizes <3 Love you all, dragonsnap PS: if you want a ‘make a list of articles to be retagged in a certain way’ volunteer/intern/whathaveyou — for bisexuality or anything else — I’m your gal!
Riese: Listen I could talk to you all day about things not being tagged properly, pick up dinner at Boston Market, eat dinner with you while talking about people not tagging things properly, take a long bath while talking about people not tagging things properly, and then do a cross-country run in flip-flops while panting and continuing to discuss aforementioned topic. Which is just to say: I feel you. About the tags. As for the disclaimer I’m not sure what happened. RACHEL HEAD BISEXUAL IN CHARGE WHAT’S THE DEAL.

Heather: I always mess up the tags.

Riese: It’s true Heather is the worst with the tags.

This isn’t a question, but I feel the need to confess that I’ve been checking the site daily for updates to KaeLyn’s saga. Is Remi existing as a freestanding human, or are they going with the two-year gestation plan a la elephants? Will there be photos of all the dino-themed glory? My curiosity about the lives of these humans I’ve never met is possibly borderline unhealthy, thanks Autostraddle.
Rachel: Maybe you’ve already found this by now but here’s what you’re looking for! All the deets on labor, how cute Remi is, and the hospital-issued undies that KaeLyn got really into.

Laneia: Oh my god and do not miss this.

Hey there! This is a longshot, but has Autostraddle written anything about responsible or ethical investing? such as for 401K, etc.? I was fortunate enough to work for a company that contributed to a retirement plan and, while in it’s infancy, I have become concerned about how/what these investments actually fund and how to choose options that are socially responsible, if that’s even possible considering many ‘portfolios’ have completely generic names and represent small investments in hundreds of companies in a variety of markets! Needless to say, the people making these investment choices at a top level are people I don’t necessarily trust (ahem, wealthy males making lots of money). JUST TRYING TO DO MY PART W/ MY MEAGER ASSETS. investing in you guys is obviously a no-brainer but if anyone out there has thought/written about this I’d love to hear about it.
Riese: I think if I understood all the things you would like to understand as well via Autostraddle article, that I would become supernatural, like Spiderman.

Laneia: Wait I might have a pitch similar to this in my inbox.

The AfterEllen news is so upsetting! I was wondering if there’s any way we could get some kind of piece about the writers? I’d especially love an interview with Sarah Warn.
Riese: I say “I’d like to interview Sarah Warn” a lot but then I’m like “oh man,” and I never do anything about it. I would really like to talk to her, brain-to-brain, I think I could learn a lot from her. But ALSO, Heather that could be cute, like a little round-up about what they’re up to.

Heather: I’ll reach out to her!

You should do a “top 5 websites I visit every day” round-table, because since The Toast shuttered, I am in serious need of more browsing options. Thanks!
Riese: That’s a good idea my friend. I think probably most people would mention social media, like I check Instagram all the damn time, but as far as websites with content — The New York Times, The Billfold, Longform, Longreads and definitely Theme Park Tourist.

Laneia: This falls under into the category Things I’d Love to Read But Would Be Afraid to Contribute To, because I’d be afraid the websites I visit are all dumb or basic or otherwise embarrassing! But I really would love to read it.

Hello all! I was just pursuing this week’s comment awards and had a thought: Do you remember a few summers back when AS did something like “Comment Week” and you could be entered into a raffle for prizes for every comment you made? That was rad! I had so much fun and made quite a few new internet friends. Plus I think the writers felt supported? It was such a great way to foster internet community! … I guess what I’m asking is, can you guys maybe host another one of those? Was it particularly strenuous to put on? Or any of the “theme weeks” really (I also enjoyed Best Friends Week), those were fun!
Riese: Oh that was super-fun, we did it actually during our annual retreat situation. Maybe we’ll have more of those!

Hey ya’ll (note use of ya’ll), I think it’s time for an Austin Queer Girl City Guide. Are you interested? Because I’m interested in writing one!
Rachel: Hello yes! You can actually go ahead and just pitch it to us as an article by clicking the “Write For Us” button at the top of the page anywhere on AS! That way you won’t be anonymous and we can talk to you about it!

Laneia: Yes! Or you can pitch your City Guides directly to the person with the City Guide-Writing Information, Bren! Bren@Autostraddle.com boom pow

Hi! I loved the roundup of old articles on bisexuality. You should do more, featuring some of the best writing on autostraddle. The influx of new readers from AE might appreciate a “greatest hits” column!
Rachel: We’ve done that a couple times actually, with our syllabus to lesbian/queer girl dating and collated guide to mental health! We’ll probably do it again with some other stuff in the future. Life is a rich tapestry, who knows what it will bring.
Riese: There is a greatest hits column! But yeah I’ve been thinking about like, how to do an “intro to AS” type thing.

Laneia: We really do need to do this, the intro thing.

Suggestion: Getting dressed with x person.. i.e. getting them to break down their wardrobe and the trouble/fun/love they have.. photoessay or combo, e.g. putting on your favourite shirt, worrying about your “worst” feature. Like your profile of exes through interviews but people through their clothing and association with it. Not to replace but fills a gap with DapperQ (maybe partnership?) where there can be sharing and commonality of experience on a subject that is widely discussed but often kept at an impersonal level.
Laneia: Excuse me this sounds fucking lovely??! Um, I’m going to see about making this happen. I have this photo-heavy A+ thing I’ve been wanting to do about all the shirts I stole from my wife because I’m obsessed with the clothes people wear and why they wear them, like those books Women in Clothes and Worn Stories. ANYWAY yes I really like this idea!

I love all the social justicey and qpoc articles you’ve been publishing lately! Especially all the things from Jenn Deerinwater. So good. I just wish there was more fluffy stuff to balance it. The world’s so dark and sometimes I just want to read a TV recap or a funny essay about cashew nuts. Now that Afterellen is gone there is a serious lack of lesbian fluff on the internet! Bring back the light stuff! Listicles without commentary, team picks, photo galleries of hot ladies, we need more of that kind of thing. Thanks! (I hope I’m not being insensitive to the fight by people of color- but sometimes we all need a laugh.)
Rachel: I BET that you will really enjoy this piece about novelty socks, these cute cartoons about Halloween costumes, this guide to cute queer Etsy stores, and these hilarious ~lesbian scenes~ that we’ve published just this week! ALSO as far as TV recaps you know that Valerie Ann is recapping the DC shows every week for you, Heather’s Boobs on Your Tube recaps TV every week, and we just recapped Carmilla, right? If you’re seeing these pieces for the first time, and you usually find the AS articles you read from Facebook/Twitter or other social media, that might be the issue — Facebook in particular uses algorithms to guess at what you want to see and just shows you that, so you may only be seeing some of what we post if you’re looking just at social media and not the homepage!

I would love if y’all could write something about asexuality! I know that’s super vague but it’s an aspect of my identity I’m struggling with and I just saw on the Friday Open Thread that there are at least 2 or 3 other commenters that are ace, and well, who better work through ~feelings~ with than Autostraddle?
Laneia: This has been noted and written proudly in the Book of Things We Should Write About!

I NEED ADVICE

so here’s a thing that happened. I pride myself on my BOUNDARIES and don’t usually ‘like’ people on dating apps if I’ve met them/know them out in the community. but then the other day i saw a casual acquaintance who i run into and make small talk with from time to time on a dating app, and thought, well, what harm can a simple star do? It’s the equivalent of a ‘hey,’ right? As in ‘hey, any interest? No pressure.’ Isn’t that what it is? And then instead of answering or not answering, she blocked me. Which is totally fine – it’s her prerogative what kind of boundaries she wants to set! But now I can’t shake the feeling that I never should have let down my boundaries in the first place, I should never ask out or ‘like’ anyone I’ve met in person in our tiny community, and that I am a terrible stalker just for clicking like. WHAT IS SMALL QUEER SCENE DATING ETTIQUETTE TELL ME PLEASE Because now I have to avoid all queer events for the next 150 years due to embarrassment…
Yvonne: Oh no! I felt that was perfectly chill thing to do? The other person probably just doesn’t want to get involved with someone they already know and they probably have nothing against you as a person. I feel you on the embarrassment though. I think this sort of interaction was inevitable if you said it’s such a tiny community so just don’t sweat it, move on and go to all those queer events!

Can you help me understand why I identify so strongly with 80s music videos? They are my happy place that never fail me. Is it because I was born in the 80s? Because the lead singers dress like lady loving ladies in the 21st century? Because of the homoeroticism? Because of the way they hold the mic? The extreme level of camp? pls help
Laneia: Man, I’m gonna go with All of the Above. I’m glad you’re embracing this aspect of your personality instead of fearing it. You’re a true inspiration.

I have crushes on people who are poly all the time, and I do want to pursue some of them. Historically, when I’ve dated people who are poly (still a new-ish thing over the last 2 years), I haven’t felt confident enough to ask for it to become more serious (when that’s what I want), and they’ve ended up prioritizing their primary relationship. I think I do this because I assume that because they were dating someone longer or have the opportunity to see them more that that connection is more meaningful. I know this isn’t necessarily true, I just feel afraid of asking to take up more space in their life (and probably rejection). I know I should take things individually and that just because they have feelings for someone else doesn’t mean they can’t also have strong/growing feelings for me, but I have a hard time actually feeling that in the moment. I don’t really deeply identify as poly- I actually think my preferences lean more toward monogamy, but ultimately I would at least like to feel more confident in pursuing/asking for more when I’m crushing on poly people.
Carolyn: This reads to me like, “I am used to monogamy and the default relationship narratives and assumptions that go along with it; how do I replicate those same default structures when casually dating poly people whom I may or may not like?” And the answer is you can’t. The best and hardest thing about poly is that there are no default structures, so everyone has to talk about everything all the time, to varying degrees of success. If you can’t talk about what you want, you shouldn’t be pursuing relationships where doing so is a requirement. (Note that in monogamy, you eventually also have to talk about what you want.) This is really hard! As people I am married to or casually sleeping with can attest, I personally am very bad at this and hate it, even though it’s a fact of the relationship structures that feel best to me. What if you talk about what you want and it’s like all your feelings are spaghetti on your shirt? What if you don’t get it? What if you do?

You can coast along pretty well with never talking about anything, actually; I’m not going to tell you you can’t. You can live your whole life never saying hey you’re cute the next time you’re in town wanna have a date? Hey I like-you like you, can I have more of your attention? Hey you have a primary and I don’t know what this is but I want to take up more space in your life, can we talk about it? But then you will never get that date, that attention, that conversation. It’s not confidence. It’s just knowing that if you wait for someone else to do the lifting it might never happen, weighing the emotional risks in all directions, and deciding what to do for yourself.

So I’ve been trying to figure out my mental health/brain situation my whole life. I took a diagnosis test on autismcanada.org and scored definitively in high risk. I’m totally freaked out and super hesitant to see my dr/tell my fam because I have a reputation as a hypochondriac (that’s just about the fam, I’m scared to tell my dr in case of… I don’t know) Any help? Or thoughts? or resources? or puppies?
Riese: I know it’s so frustrating to feel like there isn’t a name for who you are and how you feel, and how crucial labels seem to be when it comes to treating what ails our souls. (which I wrote about here once upon a time) I will say that I think any good doctor will not care too much that you took a diagnosis test on autism Canada — they’ve got people in their offices all day every day who have decided they know what’s going on by reading about it on the internet. Obviously reading this diagnosis brought up a lot of feelings for you, and that’s what you’ll be bringing to the doctor: a list of “symptoms” you’ve been experiencing, and your suspicion that these are all characteristics of a specific diagnosis. If it’s easier, just try to imagine you’re coming to the doctor with a physical problem, and use that mentality to express your concerns about your specific psychological/social situations. Also come prepared to talk about how this has impacted your life and what you’d like to get out of treatment. You’ll be great, I promise!

omg i found out today that the girl i liked in high school might be moving to the city where i live next year!! i did not expect this to happen so i’m v surprised/ excited/ terrified. any advice on what i should do?
Yvonne: I’m unclear on when high school was for you. If high school happened recently for you, then you should ask to hang out with her! If high school happened a long time for you, there’s a chance you haven’t talked to her in a while and need time to reintroduce yourself, so maybe just message her on social media and be like hey, i see you’re moving to my city! you’re going to love it here. make sure you check out these places. and start a conversation. Then you can hang out later!

What does it mean when a girl waits like a day and a half to text you back???
Rachel: Maybe her cat fell asleep on top of her phone so she couldn’t find it! Or she dropped it into the side of the couch! Or left it on silent after going to see a poetry reading! So many possibilities! I wouldn’t sweat it.

Riese: I sat with my friend in a nail salon for two hours last week while she tried to compose a text to a person she was interested in who’d texted her several days earlier and even in that time she was unable to summon a proper text. So I imagine that the girl you were talking to might have spent that time composing you a perfect text in her notes app, or otherwise attempting to appear non-chalant.

Yesterday, I attended the wedding of one of my oldest friends. At the wedding, to my utter surprise, was a mutual friend of ours from high school who I deliberately and permanently (I thought) cut out of my life 5 years ago. I was surpirsed because I thought my friend, the groom, had cut this guy out of his life as well. This mutual friend – let’s call him Zach – is a rapist and a stalker. I know this because I was also good friends with his ex-girlfriend. In fact, the last time I spoke to him was when his ex-girlfriend called me at 1:00am to tell me that Zach was standing outside her house screaming for her to come outside and talk to him. She called me before calling the police, asking me to talk him down and get him to leave her alone. I did, and after that I gave up for good, I wiped my hands of him and didn’t speak to him again until yesterday. His ex never, to my knowledge, reported him to the police, though the last time she and I spoke was when she messaged me while I was in law school to ask about getting a restraining order. I don’t know if she ever went through with that or not. The point is, Zach is not a good guy. But I was so surprised when I saw him at the wedding that I didn’t really know how to react. I didn’t want to make a scene, I didn’t want to ruin the day or draw attention away. But then Zach introduced me to his DATE. His GIRLFRIEND of the last 3 years. And I didn’t know what to do. I just tried to be polite, tried to act like we were just old friends who’d lost touch over the years. Tried to pretend like everything was fine when I was actually FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. It seems like sometime in the last 5 years, Zach got his life together. He finished school, he joined the Canadian Armed Forces (yayyyy another rapist in the military!) And he has a GIRLFRIEND. I felt really bad about it, but I basically ducked out of the wedding as soon as the speeches were over. I could not sit and talk to him for any longer. And now I’m just terrified he’s gonna try to get back in touch, add me on Facebook or send me an email. But I also feel kind of guilty. I feel like I should have said something to his girlfriend – warned her or something. Let him know what he’s really like. But on the other hand, I DON’T know. People can change, right? Maybe he really HAS gotten his life together? People deserve a chance at rehabilitation don’t they? What right do I have to walk back into his life talking to his girlfriend about shit he did more than 5 years ago? So I took the path of least resistance – I said nothing to his girlfriend, I said nothing to him about his ex or the last time we spoke or all of our history. And while it was probably the only thing I could have done in that situation, I feel like crap, and I’m worried about this girl I barely know who probably has NO IDEA who Zach really is or what he’s capable of, or what her life could become if she ever breaks up with him. Any suggestions for what to do or how to deal with the guilt would be much appreciated.
Yvonne: Listen, this is some hard shit — dealing with abusive people in your social circles and communities. I had to cut off a guy friend when I found out he was super emotionally abusive to his now ex-girlfriend and lots of other previous partners. And I mean, we use to be BUDDIES and I thought he was the best cis, straight white man ever because he was active in social justice movements and just got shit, you know. But it turned out he hurt a lot of people and was super manipulative and abusive to women. I decided to completely cut him out of my life because he wasn’t the person I thought he was and I don’t need toxic people like him in my life. I would suggest you do the same here with Zach. Stop calling him a mutual friend because he’s not your friend. I know you hadn’t talked to him in years and just saw him at this wedding but if you ever run into him again, just don’t engage with him. Your feelings about him are valid and it’s best for your well-being to just not talk to him. Also you don’t owe his current girlfriend a thing. You shouldn’t feel guilty about not telling her about his past because you don’t know this girl and it wouldn’t have been safe for her to tell her at this wedding while Zach was there. Yeah the stuff he did was five years ago and people do change but it’s unlikely Zach has changed his abusive behavior. Changing abusive behavior takes serious work from the individual and I mean, he pretended like everything was ok and didn’t even acknowledge the shit show that happened the last time you saw him so that means he’s not even aware of his hurtful actions and not actively trying to be a better human. I don’t have any advice on how to help his current girlfriend. And I don’t want to claim like I know exactly what to do in this situation. But I do know that you should stay away from him and if you’re comfortable with it — probably tell your friends who are in his social circle about how he’s treated women in the past. In the meantime, you can read more about this topic here, which I’ve found personally helpful in my situation: The Revolution Starts at Home: Confronting Partner Abuse in Activist Communities. 

After many years of repressing, dismissing and denying my feelings for women, I’ve finally come out as queer. (Yay!) Problem is, now that I’m no longer actively repressing sexy thoughts about sexy ladies, I think about boobs *a lot.* And butts. And that “Ghostbusters” scene where Holtzmann licks her guns. Am I being gross? How do I like women without objectifying them? When will I stop feeling like a hormonal teenager and start feeling like the twenty-something queer woman I actually am? Sincerely, Stuck in a Second Adolescence
Yvonne: Congrats on coming out! You know, I think it’s ok to admire hot babes without reducing her to just her body parts. I think as long as you acknowledge that and know they’re humans with thoughts and feelings, you’ll be alright.

Laneia: Same.

When my girlfriend tells me she loves me or writes a romantic message or whatever she often frames it as thank you for putting up with me. Thanks for staying. Thank you for being with me. But not actually what she loves about me, and it bothers me. Like I could be anyone as long as I love her. Is it really self involved of me to want that? I don’t know how to talk to her about it.
Rachel: I can totally see why this would be frustrating and also difficult to talk about! I wonder if maybe, since your gf is bringing this up so much, she sees “putting up with her” as really difficult to do and something that’s probably a huge burden to you, and she imagines that you think about it that way and so she’s being reassuring to you and telling you what you want to hear? Perhaps you can gently tell her, you know, hey, I love you and I love being with you because of who you are and not in spite of it, you don’t need to thank me like I’m doing you a favor; our relationship is reciprocal! I know that doesn’t fully address your want to hear about what she specifically loves about you, but it might be a way to open up a conversation about how you would love to hear about your good qualities besides being her partner, because being her partner isn’t a “good quality” because it’s not an act of charity.

Where can my wife and I find other queer ladies to hang out with in the DC Metro?! You would think this would be easy. We love playing involved board games (think axis and allies or anything game of thrones related), reading, or doing anything outdoors but are less into the club and bar scene. We crave community… help!
Laneia: HEY ANYBODY IN THE DC METRO AREA WANNA PLAY ELABORATE BOARD GAMES WITH THESE COOL CATS??

I started seeing someone who has never kissed another human. I don’t know why, but this makes me a little wary…perhaps because my number of sexual partners is, well…a bit higher. In no way am I judgmental of her sexual experience, nor do I think it’s a deal breaker. I’m just accustomed to being with women who are more dominant in bed. She is perfect: nerdy, has established interests and career goals, is hilarious, and makes me giddy. Any advice on navigating our different sexual and relationship backgrounds in a healthy way for the two of us?
Yvonne: I think you’re already on the right track here! You’ve said her sexual/romantic experiences aren’t a deal breaker for you and you’re super into her. I think as long as you talk to her about what you want and what she wants and are understanding of where y’all are coming from, it’s gonna be ok. You probably shouldn’t hold sexual experiences over her head or don’t view her differently because of it, you know. If you’re into her and she’s into you, then you’ll probably have lots of fun in bed.

I don’t really know how to start, so I’ll just jump into it. The past couple years I’ve lost the desire for physical intimacy, aside from snuggling and hugs. It’s stressful for my partner and for me. Most of the time I just feel guilty about it… I don’t know what to do without seeming like an asshole.
Heather: Hi, friend. Well, for starters, you’re not an asshole. You’re not withholding sex for punishment and you haven’t entered into a relationship with the intent to deceive your partner about your sex drive. You’re a normal human person in a normal human couple where your sex drive has evolved to be different that your partner’s. The first thing I’m wondering is if something has changed between then and now that could be affecting your sex drive. Any medication, any change in your diet or exercise routine, any additional stresses or anxieties in your life, any new trauma or past trauma you’ve started to revisit, any changes in your relationship? If you’ve had any changes in those areas, exploring what they mean w/r/t your sex drive is a good jumping off point. If you can’t pinpoint any changes, how do you feel about starting to see a therapist to talk through this shift. There could be myriad reasons for this change and a therapist can help you sort through them all. Most importantly, please know that you are not broken. There’s nothing wrong with you. Lots of people have sex drives in flux. Be gentle with yourself and keep the lines of compassionate communication open with your partner.

MISC

I have a hot tip for Laneia, if you are still looking for dinner ideas (I just was catching up on all the SATSTYBAU [?] and I think it was her who mentioned it), Try the Glory Bowl: http://whitewatercooks.com/portfolio_page/glory-bowl/ it’s soOOoOoOo YUMMY I think you will love it
Laneia: Gotta be honest here and say “Glory Bowl” sounded way too similar to “glory hole” for my comfort, but then I clicked the link and now I’m going to be eating a Glory Bowl this weekend! Thank you friend!

I read the comments on your We Messed Up article and cishet men found it! They were so out of their depth it was unreal.
Laneia: It was truly amazing. They were like:

And we were like:

A while ago Riese offered a job for someone to work close by and help with Autostraddle (I’m not describing this well). Have we been properly introduced to her? I want to know more!
Rachel: Sarah’s written a few posts for us, mostly about the merch store but also sometimes about Spashley, and we did an official intro/introduction with her in an Insider here!

Hello! I just re-read some of the Butch Please articles that Kate wrote at AS three or four years ago. I’m curious what projects they’re up to these days. Could there be a check-in as part of an upcoming Autostraddle Insider? Or perhaps I’ve missed something recent? I’ve realized how much I miss their writing and perspective.
Riese: Yes I feel as if Kate would be a good alum to catch up with for our alumni newsletter!

I feel like you guys would be interested in the wee Irish movie I saw today – “A Date for Mad Mary”. It’s funny and dark and bittersweet. It’s just come out in Ireland so no idea when it’ll get to the wider world. I feel like maybe someone mentioned it in a comment somewhere around here but just in case. 
Heather: Hey, I will watch this! Thank you!

i’ve been reading all the old A+ posts since i won a membership, and i caught up tonight. i kinda don’t know what to do with myself now.
Laneia: Wait, how cool is it that you read all the A+ content, and then you left this message, and now you’re part of the A+ content. You’ve become the thing that you were once only witnessing. This seems powerful.

am i just always and forever going to have julia nunes and jenny owen youngs version of walking with a ghost stuck in my head? i’m starting to think i might. not that i’m complaining obv. it’s real fuckin’ good.
Rachel: Yup! You sure are. So do I! Worth it.

Steven Universe was so gay last night!!! Even by Steven Universe standards!!! Don’t think this counts as a hot tip but I want to shout into the internet void about how wonderful that episode was.
Heather: I sure do know what episode you are talking about and you sure are correct! Steven Universe continues to be the best thing on TV (tied with the Great British Bake Off).

HEATHER GBBO IS LEAVING BBC AND MEL AND SUE ARE LEAVING THE SHOW AND I CANT COPE PLEASE SEND HELP.
Heather: We’re getting the Mary/Sue/Mel show, though!

Have you watched season 6 of The Great British Bake Off (2015) yet? When you do, please tell us your feelings. (especially Heather!)
Heather: Season six of the Great British Bake Off was my all time favorite season of TV ever. Here’s a photo I took of myself right after I finished the finale. I don’t know if I’ve ever been that purely happy before. I cried so hard.

pic.twitter.com/JfsrqyS0ZJ

— Heather Hogan (@theheatherhogan) January 29, 2016

I am desperately looking for a way to download the songs from Steven Universe. I can’t find it in the iTunes store :( The closest I’ve come is finding a couple playlists on 8tracks and I can only listen to the playlists once every 8 hours! Can you please help me out? Also good luck with Wisconsin camp!!! ~Tory
Anonymous editor: I don’t think you can buy them. Download them off of YouTube and convert them to MP3s, is what I would say to you if that weren’t illegal.

Please, please, please hire Dorothy Surrenders?!
Heather: As soon as there’s a TV show worthy of her, she’s going to recap it for us! Her main recapping shows ended and this has been such a bleak year for lesbian and bisexual women on TV.

You guys I’ve got the Numa Numa song stuck in my head HELP
Riese: Have you considered replacing it with the ‘It’s a Small World’ song.

So Los Angeles’ weekly queer mag Frontiers has filed for bankruptcy and may be ceasing publication. It was largely geared towards gay men, but I still read it, and it’s another loss to the queer media landscape. 
Heather: Dang. This year, man. :(

have you seen kehlani’s new video? she is bi and has new v gay haircut, may be of interest to the readership :)
Heather: That IS a very gay haircut (and tattoo situation).

I know that the patriarchy affect men as well but I cannot bring myself to care about men suffering because of it
Yvonne: Good news, you don’t have to!

Laneia: HAHAHAHAHA oh god Yvonne I love you. I laughed so hard I had to put down my coffee.

I feel like this might be an asshole move, but I think you guys should do a list of articles titles straight men think queer woman/nb would be into. I’m just really mad about the article that they put up on afterellen, and I want to burn them down. (Sorry, that was kind of intense, I’m really mad)
Rachel: This isn’t exactly what you’re asking for but I still think you might enjoy it. Also, have you seen this?

Laneia: This is only barely tangentially related to your message but I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to make a list of all the fuckshit PR emails I receive about queer (or sometimes straight!) men. Every time I open one, the misandrist fire in my soul is stoked and becomes stronger and hungrier for revenge. Those motherfuckers.

Hi! I’m not sure if you guys have heard/care about this, but I’m watching a rad talkshow by a queer lady called Anika Moa. It’s on Maori TV in New Zealand and thus available on the Maori TV website for anyone anywhere. Like it’s maybe a bit NZ-centric, has some Maori words sometimes, possibly not that much LGBT content, but I watched one episode and liked it/was pumped to see a fat queer talkshow host being a boss!!!
Heather: Hey, thank you for this tip! I can’t watch this because it’s geoblocked but I’ll bet some of our readers can and will want to!

Dear AS, Is there a little known signal or dress code that would give insight into one’s toppiness rate? Can this be invented by y’all? I for one would like to know how best to be perceived as 30-40% toppy.
Yvonne: What if you wore a leather cuff? I think that would give you the desired toppiness vibe you’re looking for.

Laneia: Heather can really attest to this leather cuff thing.

Heather: Yeah, for sure, there was a leather cuff in the swag bag at Midwest A-Camp and I wore that thing and like honestly some of our staff didn’t even recognize me I was exuding such power.

Riese: Maybe crack your knuckles a lot.

Is it terrible that I am kind of afraid that some of the AE crowd who are finding their way here are going to f*ck up the comment section for the rest of us? AE’s comment section was unbearable and I’ve been finding more and more comments here irritating to say the least over the past week. UGH maybe I’m imaging it?
Heather: Yes, AfterEllen’s comments were a shitshow, but I think the new readers and commenters who’ve come here have been pretty fantastic! If you have an issue with a particular comment, you can always flag it for a mod.

So I haven’t bought Barilla pasta in years because they were known as anti-LGBTQ. Then on a recent A+ podcast you said that they were okay now. This week I bought Barilla pasta at the supermarket. See advertisers should totally want you. Straddlers totally listen to everything Riese says…
Riese: EXACTLY READER EXACTLY.

Laneia: I don’t know if you need a sauce to go along with those noodles, but I can’t recommend this one enough: Marcella Hazan’s Tomato Sauce. It’s amazing with a little cream added at the end, and then topped with grilled chicken/grilled vegetables. Or even just some fresh basil and skip the cream. It’s just the best fucking sauce ever, it’s brilliant.

Question: I’m wondering how/if to express appreciation for posts written by & for people of color (e.g. Ashley Ray-Harris’s piece today on A Seat At The Table) as a mostly white reader. Sometimes I up-vote a simple ‘thanks/love it’ comment. I just want you all as staff to know I appreciate it – do you want to know that? if so what’s the best way to communicate that to you?
Yvonne:Hi! This is a really great question and I’m glad you asked. I shared your question with QTPOC Speakeasy staff members and here’s what they had to say.

Laura M. shared a really great point that other staff members agreed with: “I feel like where things often go awry is when commenters publicly think through how a POC-specific thing applies to their own life. Like even if they’re having an awesome revelation, it’s inappropriate to take a POC-centered conversation and make it all about white people, you know? But briefly expressing appreciation and then doing their own private reflection offline seems totally fine and good to me.”

It’s never a bad thing to say “Thank you” in the comments so that’s a great way to show your appreciation to writers of color. Another great way to support the writer is by sharing their work on social media!

Can we please get the Greys Anatomy recaps back? Now there is no After Ellen for me to get my fix
Heather: We cover Grey’s Anatomy in Boob(s On Your) Tube every Friday! You can get your quick recapping fix AND talk about the show with other commenters who also love it. Like Arizona calling herself a rare exotic bird last night; we’ll talk about that today. If Grey’s were always front and center gay, we’d recap it fully, but there’s not enough gay content to trudge through recapping a medical procedural every week.

Do you guys watch Queen Sugar? The main woman is queer
Heather: We do! In fact, Ashley is working on a review for us that we hope to have posted next week!

Real talk. I’m really glad that the rapey oompa-loompa is being called out for his racism, sexism, xenophobia, and assault allegations. And I’m supportive (to a degree) of Hillary Clinton’s campaign. It’s disheartening to see her being ripped to shreds and portrayed as evil incarnate, and there’s undeniably a mysogynystic element in the attacks against her. But at the same time, I’m also tired her being described as “perfect” by some of the authors on here. I know you’ve stated that you don’t officially endorse a candidate on Autostraddle. But I’ve seen a lack of coverage about how her actions have affected people of color. Her support of the Iraq War and her support of a military coup in Honduras, for example. Not that I’m personally invested in identity politics (I’ve made my conflicted feelings on this topic very clear in my comments), but for a site that claims to value people of color, this is an area in which you could use constructive feedback for improvement. Just my thoughts.
Heather: So here’s the thing about having dozens and dozens of people on your staff: They all have different opinions about things, especially about the most fraught and charged presidential election of our lifetimes. Our recent reader survey told us our readers were basically split down the middle between Bernie and Hillary in the primary, and our staff was split too. Our readers and staff fall all along the spectrum from love to hate when it comes to Hillary. We never formally endorsed anyone in the Democratic primary, and while we have supported her in the general election (obviously) we have never given her a sweeping endorsement that seeks to justify or write-off the issues people have with her policy positions or political history.

We recently published a critique of the Democratic Party’s platform about Indigenous People, in which Jen Deerinwater, a Tsalagi-a citizen of the Cherokee Nation of Oklahoma, wrote: “However, the truth is that the Democratic Presidential Nominee, Hillary Clinton, isn’t supportive of Native communities, and neither is the party’s platform.” In all of Yvonne and Rachel’s news coverage, I think you’ll find an even-handed discussion of Hillary’s handling of the issues that most affect our community. In addition to which, we have written extensively about non-election news stories that directly affect people of color, and especially queer people of color. And when you look at our site as a whole, I think you’ll see that people of color shape and star in our content in every way. Not just news, but personal essays (check out the Our Pulse Latinx essay series Yvonne recently curated) and pop culture and geekery and fashion and … just, everywhere! People of color shape this website in every way!

When you’re talking about Hillary’s vote on Iraq as a senator, you’re talking about a political quagmire created by the Bush administration. And when you’re talking about the military coup in Honduras, you’re talking about the default standard in America’s foreign policy in Latin America that dates back to the Cold War. Do both of those things deserve critique? Certainly! But in context, they are so much more complicated than just “Hillary doing things that affect people of color.” We have limited time and resources, so doing a deep dive into the lasting legacy of Iran-Contra and America’s propensity to sanction military coups against democratically elected leftist-leaning governments in Latin America is sort of beyond our reach.

If Hillary is elected president, you can bet we’ll be as critical of her policy missteps when it comes to people of color as we ever have been of any other politician.

Honestly, “You’re almost as cute as my dog” is a pick-up line that would 100% work on me.
Laneia: This would 100% not work on me, but I support you living your truth here.

Heather: It would work on me. One time I went on a first date with this girl, hiking is what we did, and this rattlesnake was on the trail, right, and I jumped in front of my dog. She was like, “I can’t believe you jumped in front of your dog instead of me!” And I was like, “I can’t believe you expected me to jump in front of you instead of my dog.” We did not go on a second date.

Really Nice Things You Told Us

A friend of mine is an art professor. She reached out to me asking for book suggestions so that she could be a better ally to her queer students. I pointed her toward the Autostraddle book article archieve. Thanks for being here and being my card catalogue.
Rachel: I LOVE CARD CATALOGS SO MUCH what a beautiful compliment!

I think Autostraddle has become my primary news source lately and I don’t think I mind.
Heather: Hey, thank you for saying that! Yvonne and Rachel work really hard on the news, and it’s often tedious and bleak and I also think they’re doing a brilliant job!

Hi babies just adding to the drunk messages Luv u all thx for being u and letting me be me. Request for a-camp 7.5 bc riese you said there are a lot of newly out gays whose heads are about to explode? Amazing bc I didn’t explicitly say it in my app but that’s me too. So maybe can you have an event or sth to help us connect? Ugh thank you for what you do I dunno anyone gay and I am wearing a sparkly shirt rn but I look kinda like a boy luv u bye
Laneia: Well your outfit sounds cute as heck. I hope you had a great time at camp and enjoyed all of the events and workshops and queers and trees!!!

Thank you for holding the hands of many queers and guiding them with love towards flourishing, like you’ve done for me. Autostraddle for president.
Heather: Lordy, we do not want to be president, but we would love to be your date to the queer prom.

OK, I just need to let you know how much I love your Y’all Need Help column, Laneia. It’s like a verbal security blanket to snuggle up in or to take with me into the world, feel a little braver and assured because amazing and beautiful and funny people like you (and everyone else at Autostraddle, I truly mean that!!!) exist. Life is pretty great sometimes. THANK YOU GUYS FOR DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING!
Laneia: Reader! This makes me so happy I could split right open! Thank you I’m so glad you’re here.

laneia. laneia! every couple of months when i’m sad i just read all your recent tweets (i dont have twitter). i just laughed OUT LOUD x3. startled my wife and dog x2. <3 and (-< )
Laneia: I DO IT FOR YOU.

Hello – new UK reader here, who came out to her (luckily hugely supportive) boyfriend as bi last week. That was in part due to your site and community, and whilst I’ve still got a lot of stumbling around in the dark to do, your site has been a steadily burning candle. I can’t thank you enough. I saw your piece about AfterEllen this morning and have upgraded to silver – not only do I selfishly want such great content for myself to continue, but I want other people to have the gentle welcome I’ve received. Thank you.
Rachel: Thank you, new friend! It is so enormously helpful to have your membership and your heart and brain, and we’re so excited to welcome you into the community.

Little appreciation message to all you crazy hardworkers out there. I’ve been thinking how insanely talented you are JUST to survive as a niche news website struggling with funding, and yet here you still are ! Also I wanna say that I teach in Business Schools and now I WISH I had a class on online journalism / business models so I could have an excuse to talk about you as a case study !
Heather: Hey, maybe one day you’ll teach that class and you can use us as a case study!

The bombshell about AfterEllen shutting down dropped less than 24 hours ago, and already you guys have scooped up Dorothy, Valerie, Elaine and Lucy. Seriously, thank you. And like, thank you for everything, for still being here, for keeping your integrity, for asking for our help, for being the best community on the internet. For so many of us, AfterEllen was where we first discovered ourselves and learned about being queer, but Autostraddle is where we live now and live that queerness every day.
Heather: “AfterEllen was where we first discovered ourselves and learned about being queer, but Autostraddle is where we live now and live that queerness every day.” <– That’s me too!

Just wanted to say thank you for doing what you do. I’m getting emotional over the stuff with AfterEllen. They weren’t perfect by any means, but they were the first for me. Thanks for continue to be our queer rep and bringing content, and thank you for making space for collaborations, I’m honored to have my butch tee selling with you guys. Cheers
Laneia: !!! We’re honored to be selling it!!

Just got the email telling me my A+ subscription will renew automatically, and if I was cool with that, I need no do a thing. AND I DID NOTHING! So happy to support you guys and Autostraddle for another year. Actually, you should probably thank my parents, since I’m fucking broke and still looking for work and am privileged enough to have parents who are willing and able to financially support me while I figure my life out. And if they ask about the $250 charge on my card, I’ll just tell them it’s for mental health counseling, because seriously, that is the biggest thing Autostraddle does for me, and without it, that’s what I’d probably have to spend that money on instead.
Laneia: I love everything about this. Thank you!

Hey Straddlers in Chief, Don’t worry about the pressure – you can do it! We have your back!
Laneia: This is what I keep telling myself, and it really works!

Riese: thank you THERE ARE SO MANY KNOTS IN IT.

Hi lovely editors, I have been catching up on old A+ podcasts. During the voicemail only podcast, you had a question about depression and social anxiety, and your responses shattered me. You made me feel like I wasn’t the only one to panic at the thought of spending one on one time with someone, made me feel like I could maybe take one small step toward not being a socially awkward freak. Made me feel like maybe I won’t die alone with no friends or lovers. I’m not saying your advice healed my weird brain but it gives me hope to know that other people struggle with the same things I do. So I’m just adding my voice to the chorus of readers who desperately need this site to keep going, and I’m upgrading my A+ membership from silver to gold. Thanks from the bottom of my dark and twisty soul.
Riese: THAT IS SO GOOD TO HEAR READER THANK YOU
Rachel: Your dark and twisty soul is so precious to us and we’re glad that sharing some of our own dark and twisty stuff helped! We promise it will keep coming because yeesh, there’s a lot of it!

Thanks for answering my question re: being more comfortable with my partner’s pronouns. I shared the advice with them and I’m definitely feeling more comfortable with it overall even though I still struggle sometimes with having the courage to use their pronouns. We’ve been able to have more honest conversations and meet each other where we’re at and I’m confident that it will eventually get easier for me to use they/them without getting flustered and nervous. Y’all are awesome.
Laneia: THIS IS LOVELY TO HEAR.

Thank you all so much for this website! Also, I just got my A+ membership pretty recently, and have been reading through a lot of the A+ archives, and I just think it’s so fantastic how many of the things you’ve talked about doing/hoped to do months/years ago are things that you are now DOING! Increasing diversity among the staff/writers! More content about trans people and polyamory and disability! Two A-Camps in one year! YOU ARE MAKING YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE! I’m just so darn impressed and inspired. You’re incredible.
Laneia: !!!

Just started re-reading ‘The Miseducation of Cameron Post’ and am just so, so happy Autostraddle introduced me to this lovely/heartbreaking/warming book (and so many others!). Pretty excited to be me right now basically.
Rachel: We are also very excited that you’re you! Great choice!

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