It’s a Cold Night for a Dope Selling
Down in the nightclub, the kids are busy selling their dope. Emily approaches Naomi in a dark corner because she has a lot of feelings about what just happened outside and wants to explain.
Emily: “Thanks for keeping my secret.”
Naomi: “I don’t care what your sister thinks.”
Emily: “I do. So thanks” … “I didn’t take MDMA that night. I just wanted to kiss you and –
Naomi: “You’re gay?”
Emily: “No, I just… I’m sorry.”
Hear that? That’s the sound of poor little Emily’s heart breaking. Naomi does what Naomi does best and walks away, leaving Emily just standing there like a muppet. Muppets are cute.
I’m really digging what they’re doing with these characters right now – Emily’s spontaneity and confusion is totally believable, as is the way Naomi tries and fails hard at hiding her soft spot for Emily.
It’s my party and I’ll wear a mu-mu if I want to.
Emily’s friend Pandora is having a party and everyone’s invited, including Naomi now that she’s straight. [insert Pandora’s Box joke here] Naomi stalls at the front door because it’s a pajama party and she’s too hardcore for flannelette. Emily shows up and casually drops into the conversation that btw, she doesn’t even wear pajamas. I tell people that all the time. It’s so they know you’ll be ready if they ever wanna come over.
Naomi, feeling the urge to bolt, doesn’t even know why she was invited –
Emily: “I asked her [Pandora] to invite you.”
Naomi: “I thought we sorted this out.”
By “this”, Naomi clearly means Emily’s need to jump her bones, and wants to know if or when Emily is going to come out of her closet. Stop inviting me to parties to try and kiss me, etc. Oh, to be young and gay
Emily continues to deny being gay, claiming that she’s only interested in Naomi’s friendship because they have to attend the same classes. Like Biology. Emily eases Naomi’s gay panic by making jokes about blow jobs and they enter the party under the guise of heterosexuality.
The party, however, is not very fun –
Now that Katie knows Naomi isn’t a raving lesbian, she extends an olive branch by telling her, “keep your hands off my muff and we’re sorted.” If that wasn’t enough to break the ice, disrobing does the trick…
The mandatory pajamas are hideous, so everyone gets over their embarrassment by eating MDMA-spiked brownies and dancing half-naked to Bon Jovi.
In addition to a pointy birthday hat, Effy can count ‘pastel pink mu-mu’ as an item she still looks hot in.
Ecstasy, ecstasy, e- e- e- e- ecstasy.
Naomi’s had one too many brownies and wants to know if Emily wants a drink. Emily definitely wants something, and it ain’t pinot grigio…
Emily: “Just give me a fucking… just give me a…”
Naomi pulls back after a beat, seeking confirmation that it’s the drugs doing the kissing and not her suppressed homosexual tendencies. Emily assures her that she’s still as straight as an arrow, and Naomi takes this as free license to kiss Emily back –
When they come up for air, Emily accuses Naomi of enjoying the make out session. this girl is being a little aggressive in her lesbianism, this In return, Naomi accuses her of being gay. Like this –
Emily: “You liked that.”
Naomi: “You’re gay.”
It’s a potentially vulnerable moment and so true to form, Naomi’s already walking away. She’s so busy bolting and hearing Frou Frou in her head that she doesn’t hear Emily say this:
Emily: “Yes.”
Naomi’s starting to feel a little gay too, ’cause the next thing we know she’s letting Emily straddle her on the jumping castle –
Story of my Life
This is the view that Katie has through the kitchen window. BUSTED.
[Intern X: I’m investing in a bounce house for my next birthday party, if only to make out with chicks in it, looks like fun!]
Vote for Naomi
The next day, Emily waits desperately eagerly for Naomi at the school gates. But rather than sneaking off to make out behind the bike sheds, Naomi decides to sneak past Emily and go and have a smoke and some adult conversation with a teacher. Her priorities are whack.
But hey you know what’s nice? Naomi’s smile –
Emily eventually tracks Naomi down and sits next to her, real close like they’ve shared saliva or are both lesbians or something.
It’s a bold move, ’cause Naomi’s no welcome wagon. Some might find it intense, but I adore Emily’s perseverance. She wants Naomi and no amount of ‘tude or cold shoulders is going to deter her from finding out how she really feels.
Anyhoo. It’s time to start campaigning for class President. Emily thinks Naomi should run for presidency, she’s always dreamed of being First Lady. Naomi pretends like she’s too cool for school presidency but you know what? Girlfriend’s just frontin’.
After class she sneaks off to go and get a registration form. Someone needs to tell her that secrecy isn’t the best strategy for winning an election.
When Naomi returns home that day, Emily is waiting for her rather creepily in her bedroom. She’s so convinced that Naomi is President material that she’s delivering the registration form in person –
Once again, Naomi is not all that thrilled to see her.
Naomi: “You’re very annoying.”
Emily: “Yeah, well, you seem to inspire it in me.”
Emily offers to help Naomi fill out the form but gets shot down. She storms out, but then storms back in to tell Naomi what she really thinks –
Emily: “Just so you know, my first thought when I see you is not ‘I want to fuck that girl’. We kissed twice. It was nice. It’s just nice being with you… when you’re not being a prick, that is.”
Naomi realises that she actually is being a bit of a prick and therefore thinks it would be okay for Emily to stick around after all. ‘Cause lesbian friends will never steal your boyfriend.
I want to draw you a floor plan of my head and heart
The girls are sprawled out on Naomi’s floor, drinking vodka straight from the bottle and talking about the important things in life like lady-loving. This is, actually, the way that we live. Just saying.
Naomi: “I was wondering, what do lesbians do? … In bed -”
Emily: “How do I know!?”
Naomi: “You’ve never – ”
Emily: “No, I’ve never!”
Naomi: “I mean, is it all oils and strap-ons or -”
Emily: “No… I don’t know. We do what we do to ourselves, but to each other. And slightly more aggressively.”
C’mon now, these girls are already finishing each other’s sentences, someone call U-Haul or cancel the show and lose advertisers already. They spend the rest of the scene gazing into each other’s eyes and repeating the word “oils” until they collapse with laughter. (“Oils” is “how lesbians have sex.”) This whole scene’s too cute for words and I think we can all agree it’s time they find out what lesbians do first-hand. I hear Naomi likes to give hand.
The morning after…
OMG did they??
No. No they didn’t. The bed-sharing was purely platonic, but rest assured we’re not even half-way through the season yet. I’ll admit, as a 25-year old woman it feels a little uncomfortable willing two teenagers to get naked, but I’m gonna push on. Speaking of uncomfortable, Naomi wakes up with an empty vodka bottle, which is gonna come in handy if she ever needs to justify her urge to reach out and stroke sleeping Emily’s hair –
Naomi eventually gets out of bed, quietly, asking herself “what are you doing?” as she puts her on her clothes. Not being the type to stick around for cuddles, she grabs her things and bolts –
The afternoon after the morning after…
We’re at school later that day. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and both girls are wearing unfortunate shades of yellow –
Emily: “You left early.”
Naomi: “I had things to do.”
Emily: “I got the message, Naomi…
Aww, what a trooper. I admire Emily’s spirit, she’s trying so hard to be agreeable and non-confrontational for the sake of putting Naomi at ease, even though it’s clear that the girl just wants to straddle. But will she really have to manage?
TO BE CONTINUED…