Lay Back and Light Up Without Any Guilt
Naomi comes across the street to apologize for that necklace she’s wearing. JK, to give us some exposition and to project her angst onto Cook.
Naomi: When did you get so sorry for yourself, Cook?
Cook: Huh?
Naomi: We can talk about her. That’s why you’re here isn’t it? We gave that girl Sophia drugs.
Cook: I didn’t give her nothing, man.
Naomi: I had an affair with her, as well.
Cook: What?
Naomi: Now she’s dead. That’s why you’re here. You feel bad.
Cook: Fuck off. I just came around to see if you wanted that non-lezzer willywaggle, that’s all.
Naomi: Yeah right. Do you want to know how I feel? I feel fucking terrible. My girlfriend won’t look at me. I could cry every minute. I feel shit and all I can do is… feel it.
Naoms is looking for a shared moment and looks pretty doing it, but Cook can’t believe she’s still hung up over ruining her life when he is gonna go to jail for being a moron and not pleading innocent. He laughs and walks away. She yells out after him that he needs to deal with it. Unlikely. He’s a walking art installation! What’s he got to deal with? ART=LIFE.
There’s Not A Lot to Give if You’re Not Giving In
Cook shows up at Duncan the public defender’s office wanting to talk about his case. Ducan’s like, you don’t got no case fool. Cook says that’s a matter of opinion. No offense or anything but sometimes I feel like Cook might really be brain damaged, which nearly makes me want to love him and protect him. But I guess no one ever did, which is how he turned out this way.
Duncan says Cook’s got as much chance of getting off the hook as the Duncan does of getting a shag with Angelina Jolie. Cook advises him to shave off that handlebar moustache, to start. Har har.
Cook reveals his defense: stuff’s gone down in his life and that’s why he is the way he is. Duncan lights up a joint ’cause if we’re gonna talk about hard times, we need to light up.
Cook: You’re taking the fucking piss, man. Doesn’t anyone owe me anything, don’t I get a hearing?
Duncan: You put a kid in hospital, remember? What’s your excuse?”
Cook: People. People fucked me up, man.
Duncan: Well go tell that to a judge then .. mummy fucked me up.
I Feel Like This Could be a Good Will Hunting Moment
Cook snaps at the mention of his mum, then kicks his chair and leaves.
I Wish There Was a Strap-on On this List
Cook visits his mother’s gallery, and is caught out staring at a particular piece of art that documents her lovers. This is no Piss Christ I can tell you that right now.
Why Aren’t There Any Ladies on this List? Lesbian Sex is So Hot!
Mrs Byatt: What do you think?
Cook: Is it true?
Mrs Byatt: Jimmy, art is always true
Cook: Why did you leave my dad?
Mrs Byatt: Because he’s a twat, agreed? He was entertaining, good in bed… but he didn’t give a flying fuck about anyone or anything. Ultimately that just gets on your tits, it’s a bit boring.
Cook: Is that why you threw me out?
Mrs Byatt: You sold my wedding rings to buy dope. You wanted me to throw you out, didn’t you. But hey, that’s over. You’ve come to see my work, I love that. And look, I’m hot! Aren’t you proud of what I’ve done?
She says he has to see her master installation, which is going to make “Damien Hirst want to cut off his dick and pickle it.” For those of you unwares of Damien Hirst, this is another thing he pickled:
Even more disturbing than a giant pickled penis? The fact that Freddie’s penis has gotten to know Cook’s Mother’s hoo-ha. I guess “fuck your mother” is no longer a decent insult for these guys.
My Mom Doesn’t Just Get Around the House, She Gets AROUND the Houseboys
Cook’s so focussed on storming out that he doesn’t notice the power cord running from her major installation and trips on it, blowing the thing up.
I Actually Think It Looks Better This Way
His mother thinks he did it on purpose and chases him out of the gallery. Cook’s so upset that he starts throwing up outside the gallery. This is one of those moments where no matter how you feel about him you’ve gotta feel sorry for him a little. I mean life all around sucks for this dude right now, even if it partially his fault.
Goodbye Love
Cook goes to visit Shanky, the kid he beat up. After stuttering for a few moments, he apologises for beating the shit out of him. Just when we think he went and got himself a conscience, he then asks Shanky if he could tell the court that he has apologised.
Would You Put Judicial Weight On Me?
Shanky: I hope they get you in the showers and fuck you up the ass.
Well then.
Family Circus
Cook arrives to find Freddie a surprise guest in his living room, and his mother smashed on margaritas and out for his blood.
Mrs Byatt: Well look who it is, the man who has just cost me 90,000 quid. Hello you sweet little turd.
Cook asks where Paddy is, and his mom clearly has no idea. But she thinks that given Cook and Freddie are here, they should all have a party. And what’s a party these days without Rock Band and “The Boys are Back in Town”?
This Can’t Possibly be Product Placement, Right?
His Mom rocks out, tries to smash her tits in Freddie’s face, and then passes out on the ground. I got worried she was dead but I guess they’ve already OD’ed on death this season.
Freddie’s a good friend, only good friends would stick around and pretend like there is nothing wrong with this picture. Freddie and Cook leave mum in the living room and go upstairs to talk about feelings, namely those involving the sex that happened at Cook’s 15th birthday party.
Cook: So you fucked my mum?
Freddie: It wasn’t like that?
Cook: Well tell me then Freds, what the fuck was it like? Hang on, no, don’t answer that shit.
Freddie: It was just a blowjob
Cook: Oh I’m well relieved mate, thank goodness.
Freddie: I’ll make it up to you
Cook: What are you going to do now Freddie? I let you take the one fucking girl I’ve ever loved man. Freddie is there anyone else that I care about that you want to slip one to mate?
Freddie: I’m sorry. .. I’m sorry.
Cook: It’s fine. It’s sorted. Everything’s cool.
Freddie: Cook, Effy loves me. How can I-
Cook: Stop talking about it!
Freddie: You smashed JJ, Cook.
Cook: Nah. I didn’t.
Freddie: He loves you Cook. But that’s all.
I Love You, Man
Freddie has tears in his eyes, it’s a sweet moment. You can tell that they are serious pros with lots of love.
As he walks out the door he says: “And I love you too. Whatever you’re doing, you can stop. All you’ve gotta do is stop.”
The love is too much for Cook, so he rips his shirt off and aggressively starts pacing and I think he’s also crying.
Little Monster
His moment is interrupted when he hears the police dropping little Paddy off, who has been skipping school and causing trouble because he’s “not a pussy.” Cook’s drunk Mom wants the attention back on her self-destruction so she responds by starting to smash shit up with the guitar from Rock Band.
Mrs Byatt: Everything’s gone wrong since you’ve come back. You’re like an infection.
I guess she’d know, I imagine she’s suffered a few “infections” in her day.
You’ve Got a Fast Car, I’ve Got a Plan to Get Us Out of Here
Cook doesn’t want to stick around and so he steals his mum’s car and his brother and jets, even though it’s past 7pm and his ankle bracelet is alarming the police. Things just get more clever when he smashes up the car and encourages Paddy to help.
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Once the car is wrecked, they sit back on to the hood to share a moment and also a joint, which would be fine if his brother wasn’t prepubescent.
Cook: I love you. It’s just you and me mate, no-one else understands.
Paddy: Yeah fuck everybody, fuck mum, fuck everybody, everybody else is a fucking tosser, a fucking tosser, I hate them all.
Paddy is kicking on the hood as he cusses and Cook looks shocked at his anger and probably wonders what sort of monster he’s created.
Repeat, Repeat The Words I Know We Both Said
Emily is asleep in Naomi’s bed while Naomi sits against the wall, watching her and thinking about ahow they are so filled with regret.
Cook’s waiting outside because he needs to speak to her. They put Paddy to sleep on Naomi’s couch and go outside to the park, where they drink in silence til Naomi breaks it. It’s a meeting of the self-destructive, semi-confused souls.
Naomi: We didn’t kill her, you know. She killed herself. It doesn’t help though, I still spend every day feeling like I want to puke.
[Cook nods, he already has puked so at this point it would just be stomach acid]
Cook: How’s Emily?
Naomi: Angry. So lonely. … It all means so much to you doesn’t it.
Cook: What?
Naomi: Life. You just live a bit harder than everyone else does. You splash about, you wallow in it. Like you can’t lose a moment.
Cook: Yeah, I’m well odd.
Naomi leans over and kisses him, first on the cheek and then on the lips. It’s so much more harmless than the preview implicated, which might be why it doesn’t piss me off. I guess you just want to feel something other than what you are feeling, even if that something is “stupid.”
I Just Wanna Feel Something Other Than This
But then Cook pulls away. They have to grow up now and take responsibility for themselves so they won’t lose the people they love!
Cook: The thing is Naomi, when you splash about other people get wet.
Naomi has tears in her eyes. Cook says it’s not like he gives a fuck (assume he’s talking about the kiss could threaten Naomi and Emily’s relationship) but well… this whole jail thing is waking him up to the idea that there are consequences to actions, consequences you can’t change with words later. And maybe it’s not so bad for Naomi to think about that too.
She puts his head on the shoulder an they look onward into the horizon. O Pioneers!
Something About How Pretty the Sunset Is
Cook: For fucks sake I’m never going to get to bone you, am I.
Naomi: No. I love someone.
Cook: You and me both, girl. You and me both.
That means she’s gonna fight to get her girl back. [huge sigh of relief]
Popped Collar? CHECK.
Cook continues his crime spree by breaking into his public defender’s office. Duncan took Cook’s advice and shaved off the mo, maybe he’ll get to bang Angelina after all.
Duncan: You should get another lawyer, cos I’m pretty bloody shit all round, you know?
Cook: Yeah you’re shit. But you’re my shit.
Duncan: I’m the only lawyer I know with a 100% conviction rate.
Duncan the defender wants to know what Cook’s rebelling about, and Cook says everything. Duncan thinks that it’s easy to put all of your problems on someone else, and that he should tell him something he’s done by himself.
Cook: Last year, I stole my best friends boyfriend, just because I could. And I fucked her mate – best mate – multiple times. Just because I could.
Duncan: What is this, Oprah? Tell me something fucking worthwhile. Come on you dick!
It’s More Like Dr.Phil Actually
Cook: I’m trying to not fucking crack someone. Freddie… I couldn’t stand the way she was fucking looking at him. And I was thinking, why does everyone get to piss on me? Everybody always fucking pisses on me. My fucking mum. My dad is a fucking tosser. And no-one gives a shit. Everyone’s just out for them fucking selves.
Duncan: Grow up. So. Fucking. What.
At this point Cook is distraught, crying… bull/china shop sitch.
This is Defo Not Gonna be Good Will Hunting
Cook: I bashed the shit out of that kid. I fucking kicked the shit out of him and I fucking enjoyed it. I enjoyed it, okay?
Duncan: That’s pretty good.
Cook: Duncan..
Duncan: Yeah kid?
Cook: There’s something else…
Do the Right Thing
Cook is at the police station, giving his confession. It’s time to turn it all around and be someone worth something! Make it easier for Naomi & Emily to get back together!
Cook: That kid was pestering me, she kept on asking me for MDMA.
Lady Cop: Sophia?
Cook: Yeah. So eventually I gave her some, just to shut her up. And then I didn’t see her again until she fell off the balcony.
Lady Cop: Do you want your lawyer here James?
Cook: No it’s fine. He knows what I’m telling you.
Lady Cop: And no-one else was involved?
Cook: Nope. Nobody but me.
He takes the fall for Naomi, and it all lands him back in a cell, where this episode started.
Really Shower Gel Probs Works the Best in this Sitch
Bonus, he gets to see Effy all alone, and she’s wearing a leather jacket! She makes a shower-sex joke to break the ice, then proceeds to kick him while he’s down.
Effy: We’re coming to your trial thing tomorrow.
Cook: We?
Effy: Yeah, we. Freddie is worried sick.
Cook: I bet he is. Probably scared I’m gonna get off and steal his woman.
Effy: I love him, Cook. That’s what I came to say.
Cook: How is the love?
Effy: It’s a bit of a headfuck, to be honest. It’s not simple. I know you’d understand that. I’m giving it a go. That’s what I always loved about you, Cook, you’re brave.
Aw. Poor Cook. I just get scared for people who are empty with nothing to rely on. Where’s his little brother, he needs to come in here so we can have a musical sequence.
I’m Coming Around, Coming Around
Cook says nothing and so Effy walks away, but then Cook tells her to tell JJ about the trial.
Still a Chance for Good Will Hunting
It’s trial day! Cook looks nice, he’s all cleaned up. He’s sitting with Dear Duncan, waiting for it to start. “You care,” he teases Duncan. Duncan says he doesn’t care. Still, he probs cares more than a lot of people which I guess is enough this time.
Then, in walks JJ, Effie and Freddie as promised. Judge and Jury as you can see this man has very attractive friends. Please let him out.
Yes, Effy Has Received Several Medals of Honor From Various Wars, What’s it to You?
Then Paddy comes in, trying to fight off security guards to see Cook. Cook tells him he can’t come in, that he needs to be a big man and wait outside. He should’ve said “stay in school!” or something.
Yes, I’m Guilty of This
Cook changes his plea to guilty and gets reprimanded for wasting time. His Mom doesn’t want him and can’t control his behavior (obvi), so a “custodial charge” is unavoidable, also there may be other charges on the horizon. So he’ll be in the court’s care for several months, sentencing hearing set in two weeks.
As Cook walks back to his cell, Paddy chases him wanting to know what’s going on but Cook can’t stop. Effy looks at Cook and nods. I hope that’s a “I’ll get Paddy to school,” nod. As depressing as it is, there’s a bit of solidarity at the end here, which’s refreshing.
You can view the trailer for episode 404 here.
