We need to talk about cereal and how it’s the perfect food. It’s the best breakfast — two ingredients, one if you’re lazy. It’s also lunch, and dinner, and the meal that sometimes happens in between lunch and dinner, and also the other meal that you sometimes eat at three AM. We love cereal. You love cereal. Lesbians love cereal. This is common knowledge. But there are a lot of choices to be made! Sugary or fiber-filled? Colorful marshmallows or shredded wheat? Is dried fruit awesome or weird? Honey Nut or original? And so, in the grand tradition of cookies, gas station candy, things to eat with peanut butter, drugstore cookies, and ways to consume melted cheese, we have to ask: which cereals do we love the MOST? Here, let us tell you.
Carrie, Community Managerette
Kashi Heart to Heart
Kashi Heart to Heart cereal is like your soul mate.
It first catches your eye when those adorable tiny hearts beckon you from across the aisle at Trader Joe’s. You take it home with you that very evening. The tastes is sweet and comfortable — a surprise considering the abruptness of your meeting. You feel safe with Heart to Heart. The more you learn about it the more you like it. It’s good to you, making sure you have enough antioxidants and heart-healthy vitamins and keeping your sodium low. It cares in ways no one else ever has.
Sure, there are other boxes to admire. Boxes of different colors, boxes with fancy toys, boxes making special offers for your devotion. But they boast only cheap thrills — a short-lived sugar rush or milky explosion in your mouth — and don’t compare to the security you get from Heart to Heart. A long-term commitment with any other suddenly seems improbable, even risky.
Before long, Heart to Heart is a staple in your apartment and you find it nearly impossible to be away from it for more than a few days. You introduce it to your friends and family. You begin to think that you’d even trust Heart to Heart with your future children. Of course there are days when you feel like trying something new or can’t seem to agree on whether to put it in milk or yogurt, but those feelings always pass by dinnertime. And when the sun comes up each morning, you can’t help think that there’s no other cereal you’d rather wake up with.
Carolyn, Contributing Editor
Honey Nut Cheerios
I have been eating Honey Nut Cheerios for as long as I have been able to digest solid foods, which means I have some very weird memories of it. For example: my parents always set the table for breakfast the night before, including putting the cereal box on the table, until the year we had a cat that was offended by the bee on the box and attacked accordingly, and we went downstairs to find the kitchen trashed and the cat sitting in my mother’s cereal bowl, which also explains why the cat lasted only a year.*
When it hadn’t been shredded, I read the box every morning, because that is what I did, and also because as a six year old apparently I had the memory of a goldfish.
And much like the cat, to this day I am put off by the talking bee mascot — originally, because it interrupted Xena (Xena and Bugs Bunny were the only two shows I was allowed to watch as a child); currently, because if a obnoxious talking bee the size of my head chasing me around and trying to steal my cereal isn’t the epitome of a nightmare, I don’t know what is.
I hear that they stopped using actual nuts a few years ago in favour of “natural flavours,” to which I can only say: I feel outraged, but did not notice until I read it on Wikipedia this morning.
Honey Nut Cheerios also has the unique advantage of being sort of like healthy cereal and sort of like junk food cereal, which is probably what has held my taste buds captive for so long. Also Omar Little likes them, so.
*(Kidding! My parents gave it away because of allergies. And it lived a happy life until it was eaten by a coyote in Saskatchewan.)
Crystal, Music Editor
Special K
A dilemma I’ve always had in relation to breakfast cereals is that some days I feel like something healthy and other days I feel like something ridiculously unhealthy, and I’m not a person who can afford to stock a selection of cereals in my cupboard.
That’s why I’m a huge fan of Special K, a highly flexible, all-in-one breakfast cereal that you can easily jazz the f*ck up to suit your needs. When I feel like being healthy, I’ll eat it with fresh strawberries and yoghurt. And when I’m feeling a little dusty I’ll throw in some sort of chocolate powder like Nesquik or Milo. The brilliance of Special K is that it tastes great when paired with anything or nothing at all – I’m also a fan of eating handfuls straight out of the box.
Special K marketers have described the cereal as having “the deliciously malty taste of crisp toasted wheat and rice flakes that are high in protein and low in GI”, and there’s not much I can add to that except to say that it is only available in Australia (I think) and perhaps contains more sugar than those annoying Special K television ads would have you believe.
Laura, Associate Editor
Toasted Oatmeal Flakes
One time I was at Trader Joe’s with my friend and we were picking out breakfast so I picked out the closest thing I could find to boxed cinnamon rolls (maple syrup and brown sugar shredded wheat) and she picked out what looked like the most humdrum box of cereal I’d ever seen: Toasted Oatmeal Flakes. As it turns out, the oatmeal flakes blew my shredded wheat out of the water (milk?). They taste kind of like crispy oatmeal cookies and are good as Traditional Breakfast Cereal with milk or in a baggie at snack time. Yes, they’re still mostly sugar, but they look and sound enough like adult food to convince me that eating them every morning will not rot my teeth.
Gabby, Contributor
Captain Crunch w/ Crunch Berries
Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries is absolutely devoid of nutrition. It’s packaged inside of a yellow box made of titanium and filled with a cereal made for breakfast marauders/berry pimps. I eat this cereal under very specific circumstances. Truth: this is my younger brother’s favorite cereal. I’ve bought family sized jumbo packs of CCwCBs and given them to him as Christmas presents, wrapped, tagged and under the tree. Phil is my fairy princess gay baby brother and I adore his simple ass. So, he’s got to be around. Two, I cannot be in a rush. This cereal is made of yellow number 6, blue number 8*, sugary magic and bricks. It’s HARD. You will scrape off your gums if you try to eat this straight out the gate. You must let the Captain and his Crunch Berries marinate in the milk for a minute. There should be enough time for you to put your laundry in the dryer, pass that d to the left and/or read this post about cereal with your bro. So here’s to all the homotastic siblings in the world who still bond over sugary kiddie breakfast cereal, may your bowls be deep, spoons be wide and dumbassery last forever.
*I made up the color numbers.
dumbassery + siblings = this pic
Lizz, Contributing Editor
Gorilla Munch
The thing about cereal is that I don’t really eat it in the morning. Do you have any idea how cold it is in New England at 6am? I much prefer a toasted bagel or some hot oatmeal. For me, cereal is exclusively an eat with my hands out of the box mid-day cereal. Usually an Ultimate Frisbee tournament or snowboarding snack. That means I need a cereal that’s easy to eat (no flakes or rice) and also has an excellent box. I’ve gotta have my Gorilla Munch from EnviroKids. I feel comfortable openly telling you that Gorilla Munch is a knock off of Kix, but really it’s so much more! For one, it’s gluten free. For another, there is a picture of a Gorilla on the front! When I’m out eating it in public I can tell what people are thinking. “Holy shit! That girl eats the same thing as a gluten free gorilla!” Nobody fucks with someone who eats like a gorilla and is also trying to reduce their gluten intake. No one.
Next: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Rasin Bran and so much more!
Jamie, Contributing Editor
Cinnamon Toast Crunch
Truth: I freakin’ love Cinnamon Toast Crunch. If I’m buying a box I’m most likely celebrating some sort of personal victory for which I feel the need to reward myself because box of this sweet stuff is lucky to make it three days in my apartment. Also, the last time I bought a box I got a pen shaped like Luke Skywalker!
Riese, Editor in Chief
Raisin Bran
I don’t like raisins. I don’t like bran flakes. Yet I love Raisin Bran.
Stef, Writer
Kashi Strawberry Fields
See, here is the thing about eating freeze-dried berries: they don’t feel like real food. I rarely eat breakfast; cereal for me is an afterthought, either a really lazy dinner or something I wolf down when I’m drunk and suddenly remember that I need food to live. It’s certainly true that you could eat a regular nutritious flake-based cereal and put real, fresh sliced berries in it — which I will do from time to time — but these are astronaut berries and that makes them superior. I can pretend that I’m getting my dietary fiber in outer space.
Emily, Contributor
President’s Choice Cranberry Almond Crunch or something like that
Because cereal is so expensive, I usually choose which cereal I’m going to eat that week based on which kinds are on sale for $3.99 or less. So, last year, when I saw at my grocery store a sale for 2/$3 for a certain kind of cereal, I immediately grabbed it. Best deal of my life! The cereal was so yummy I went back and bought more. The only problem right now is that I can’t remember what it’s called. I’m pretty sure it’s President’s Choice Cranberry Almond Crunch except google images is failing to provide the proper evidence. There might not be almonds in it and it might not be President’s Choice.
Anyways, whenever I see that cereal on sale I stock up because it is sooo good… tastes like the success of getting a whole box for $1.50.
Rachel, Senior Editor
Honey Bunches of Oats
Okay, a few things about Honey Bunches of Oats: 1) it’s not vegan, 2) the flaky parts, which are not mentioned in the cereal’s title, tend to get soggy in milk, and 3) it’s delicious. Sorry, haters. The cute commercials where cheerful middle-aged people in hard hats (which, what??? how dangerous is cereal manufacturing??) don’t hurt, but also: this is a perfect balance between sweet, not-too-sweet, sort-of healthy, or at least not as unhealthy as Honey Smacks (do they still make those?), and filling. You think you know about the clusters, but you don’t know. You think you know, but you have no idea.
Also, this cereal was brought to you by vanilla almond and/or soymilk. You’re welcome.
PS Sorry they’re not vegan. I don’t think I’ve eaten them since I became vegan. Probably. Seems unlikely.
Katrina, Writer
Apple Jacks
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure there are two types of kids in this world: those whose parents allow them to eat sugary cereals, and those whose parents do not allow them to eat sugary cereals, all of whom grow up to be ravenous and spiteful consumers of General Mills products. I am the former, but many of my friends are the latter, and, being an excellent partner in crime, I am often glad to indulge in sugary cereal consumption, preferably with those little variety packs (tiny boxes!), and as long as I get dibs on Apple Jacks.
I don’t know what my preference for Apple Jacks says about me, except that perhaps I enjoy being blatantly lied to, as that shit does not taste like apples and does not care who knows it. Apple Jacks are, however, colored somewhat like apples, and they do taste like cinnamon, which I think we can all agree is a good taste. Besides, it’s a nice reprieve from all those cereals who take their names very seriously and are shaped like small cookies, or even more strangely, small pieces of toast. Cookie Crisp is good and whatever, but honestly, I never really wanted cookies for breakfast. I wanted fake apples shaped like rings. I don’t have any sentimental stories about Apple Jacks, maybe because I grew up with the privilege to enjoy such cereal and am now subsequently devoid of sentiment toward it. So in the place of an anecdote, I will leave you with this quote from the Apple Jacks Wikipedia page: “As of 2004, the marketing mascots are a care-free Jamaican cinnamon stick named CinnaMon and an accident-prone apple named Bad Apple.” I don’t have a TV, so I didn’t know this. But now that I do know this, I can honestly say my quality of life has improved just a little bit. Thanks, Apple Jacks.
Laneia, Executive Editor
Raisin Nut Bran
I think I was born a 60 year-old dietician, at least in the cereal department, because I’ve never ever wanted to eat the sugary stuff with cartoon mascots. There was one time, with my grandmother, when I asked — begged — for a box of Smacks because there was a toy inside that seemed totally necessary. Knowing my history with breakfast foods, she didn’t believe that I would actually eat the cereal and made me PROMISE THE BEST PROMISE that I would. I promised but then didn’t, because you guys, eating Smacks is like eating measuring cups full of honey-coated brown sugar and newspaper.
But Raisin Nut Bran? It’s not just a box of flakes — not a box of BRAN. And it’s not just raisins, it’s raisins coated in some weird-ass chewy almondy crust situation. Plus toasted almond slivers, and the sensible bran flakes stay crunchy and relevant all the way ’til the end. I mean good grief, what the heck else do you need from a box of cereal?? Maybe a $2 off coupon, because this stuff is expensive.
You probably have a lot of feelings right now. Feelings you’re essentially obligated to share, vehemently if possible, with everyone else. CEREALS. GO.
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CEREAL!
I used to only eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch, but I’ve gone in a more granola+coconut milk/yoghurt/ice cream direction. I did buy “Frosted Tumble Wheats” the other day because I liked the name.
On the subject of cereal; I don’t know why Rice Crispies got the monopoly on “treats” (aka mixing cereal with marshmallow), but almost every cereal can be put into that situation. Also you can mix them, like Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Apple Jacks.
During undergrad my go-to study food was Lucky Charms, because my mom would never buy it for us. I think my new cereal philosophy should be only cereals that are “Ranger tested, Mother disapproved”.
Stick with the coffee cake in a mug..A much better option, don’cha think?
Or maybe just Cinnamon Toast Crunch, because it’s sort of like French toast, but with less hassle. I’ll make sure I have some available when ‘company’ comes over.
Besides, I think my mother would actually approve of coffee cake in a mug, that shit’s awesome.
oooh I need to go make cinnamon toast crunch treats now :3
As a broke college student, my diet consists of honey nut cheerios, pb$js, and spaghetti. I’m probably going to come down with some bizarre vitamin deficiency, but in the meanwhile, honey nut cheerios with vanilla yogurt are DELICIOUS.
Except there’s this one cereal I can only find when I go up to visit my Canadian grandma which is something like Maple Nut Clusters and I think it’s Presidents Choice and goddammit it is the best stuff ever, could some of you lovely Canadian straddlers send a case of it to Tennessee?
How do you guys manage to ALWAYS write posts about shit currently on my mind? It’s boggling.
Anyway, YES YES YES to Kashi Heart to Heart and also to Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Kashi Heart to Heart is amazing, I always buy it when I’m in the states. What I do not buy in the states is Special K, did you know that the Special K you guys have is a different recipe to the one in the UK/Ireland? And also that ours is far superior?
My favourite cereal is probably Kellog’s Start, it is so so good and I can’t understand why they only sell it in the smaller boxes :(
This makes so much sense. I saw a berry kind of Special K on offer for super-cheap recently and I got so excited about how healthy I was going to be, and how I was definitely (promise my best promise) going to eat breakfast every single day before work, but that shit was disgusting. It tasted like the powder from the floor of a superior cereal factory, with smashed up berry candy in it. All of the gross things.
Honey nut cheerios and crunchy nut cornflakes are the best cereals, but due to the lingering feeling that I should be healthy, I have been eating Swiss muesli for the past few months. It’s also super duper cheap, and you can microwave it to make nutty oatmeal, so those are plus points. Weetabix are (is?) also really yummy but I don’t know if it exists in the US.
I know realise that the locations of that post are the least clear thing ever. I bought Special K when I lived in the US and it was floor powder. I now live in the UK and my preferences are based on UK cereal.
Swiss Muesli and weetabix are sadly super expensive in the states, which is really sad, since they are also among my favorite cereals.
You can get Weetabix at Trader Joe’s for $2.99 or something! I love Weetabix, I eat it almost every day. :D
I love Weetabix too, especially because you can heat it up on cold mornings, and also it tastes really good mixed with Cornflakes!
Yes, except the best kind is called vita brits and comes from Australia.
I’ve been sticking to the Cheerios lately. They make all kinds of awesome flavors; cinnamon, chocolate, banana, and peanut butter. Mix those flavors together in whatever combo works for you. EAT UP!
(That’s what she said)
I apologize for that, sometimes the 15 year old boy that lives in my brain comes out. I call him Trevor. He likes Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
My nephew spent the day with me and complained that there was nothing to eat. When I asked if he’d like a bowl of cereal, he whined “You don’t have ‘cereal’..You have twigs, nuts and berries. That’s not breakfast..That’s Survivor!”
Tell me where you get this twig stuff! That sounds like my kind of cereal…
Barbara’s Peanut Puffins are helping me survive an overdrawn meal plan. That and almond milk because of course!
They’re gluten-free, and I think vegan so excellent.
have you tried the new multigrain puffins? they are delicious! (and of course gluten-free as well!)
I have not but most certainly will!
Cinnamon Life you guys. Cinnamon Life.
i do not buy cereal for myself because i will go through the whole box in two days. always.
but if i do cave, my top choices are:
honey bunches of oats
oatmeal squares (they are so perfect for eating right out of the box, it’s gotta be some kind of conspiracy)
honey nut cheerios
cinnamon toast crunch
any variation of granola
kix, for nostalgia
corn chex
cornflakes (chex are superior, but all corn-based cereal is good)
LIFE
some variations of special k
and sometimes fruit loops, which is a recent development
/breakfast feelings
omg, this is true for me too! I cannot have a box of cereal in this house without eating the entire box in one or two days. I actually haven’t purchased Rasin Bran in a few years, since that time i bought a box and ate the whole thing in about three hours, which my stomach was really unhappy about.
While staying over at a friends, I was introduced to a box of Raisin Bran Crunch..I ate multiple bowls. This was not something I needed to learn existed. Now when I grocery shop, I break into a cold sweat as I enter the cereal aisle.
also, this post has neglected the all important question of which kind of milk is required for your cereal.
the only correct answer in my world is 2%.
Yes, and agree about the 2% being perfect. Also there are cereals to eat dry (cinnamon toast crunch, apple jacks), cereals with just a little milk (captain crunch–and sorry, keep the berries out), and then a pretty decent amount of milk in raisin bran and honey bunches of oats.
My question is why does cereal cost so much?
Agreed. I lived on it as a poor starving college student. I wouldn’t be able to do that now!
you’ve gotta get the knockoff versions that come in a bag instead of a box- they are the same but way cheaper.
weirdly, this is not the case at my local grocery store. i don’t understand at all.
Puffin’s if I feel like being healthy, Cocoa Puffs if I’m gaming or staying up late and need lots of sugar. Also, I used to eat Oreo O’s whenever I could persuade my dad to buy them for me.
Rachel: that picture of the Honey Bunches of Oats Lady really just made my life a better place.
this whole post coulda been summed up using her face.
xo
<3
Crystal you are my special k buddy. people always laugh at me for liking Special K. Glad to know I’m not the only person in the whole wide world that like Special K.
They have Special K in the US and in Europe though it tastes different (more healthy) in Europe.
Also: home made Special K granola bars ftw.
Special K is awesome. Admittedly i buy knock off from Lidl, but my point stands.
American Special K tastes exactly like Australia Special K imo.
I bought some of the cheapest store brand muesli a few weeks back. It is entirely tasteless. But that’s a problem easily solved by mixing a cube of sugar and milk with a bit of instant coffee and then adding the muesli to the bowl. Now it’s delicious. Plus instead of a bunch of weird flavor additives I don’t understand, I know exactly what I’ve put in it.
holy shit this is genius
This is the best idea ever. Seriously though, thanks, I have to live on a very tight budget for the next few weeks (due to college making me ever-so-broke) and am now going to try this.
omg emily, i TOTALLY agree. the PC cranberry almond whatever is so damn good. it is always in our house.
i’m so glad you know what i’m talking about!
riese: less is more.
in addition: love is love.
does anyone know if there is some kind of gf version of cinnamon toast crunch? i miss that cereal SO HARD.
Hey girl, this:
http://glutenfreeonashoestring.com/cinnamon-toast-crunch/ if you wanted to be crafty and make it yourself.
Otherwise, cinnamon chex is a thing, but for some reason I’ve heard that some GF people get sick when they eat it?
this looks DELICIOUS…ly high maintenance and a thing that i don’t really have time for :( maybe on some weekend when i am feeling ambitious!
YES! in my experience Cinnamon Chex actually tastes better than Cinnamon Toast Crunch!
I’m not sure why it may cause a reaction in some GF people, but it definitely claims it’s gluten-free all over the box.
Because I just woke up from a nap, I read “gf” as “girlfriend” not “gluten-free.” I thought you missed the cereal so hard you wanted to date it, kind of like in the life cereal commercials where one of the kids says “if you love it so much why don’t you marry it?” And I thought about recommending the song Cinnamon Girl to you or something. Then I thought about crunchy lesbians and wondered about cinnamon-y lesbians. And now I’m going to stop rambling…
A fellow sleep-deprived grad student yay! When I first met the Chicagostraddlers and used gf to refer to “gluten free” all the time, a lot of jokes happened. Mostly regarding gf cupcakes and gf muffins…
I have to say that I hate cereal. It’s too cold and depressing-looking for me :(.
You are not alone.
I totally agree, cereal just doesn’t seem like real food to me. I like fruit (like grapefruit) or some sort of oatmeal/cream of wheat situation for breakfast.
Ok good, I thought I was a debbie downer for a sec! Egg/avocado/tomato/cheese/wrap situations are what I like to wake up to.
Honey Bunches of Oats, yo. The. Best.
GIRL
especially the almond version, which are especially awesome since my sister doesn’t like almonds and thus will not steal my cereal away from me!
For approximately three years of my life, I had virtually the same meal of peanut butter on wheat toast every single weekday morning. About two months ago, however, my roommate bought some Trader Joe’s high-fiber O’s, and I was in need of a lazy dinner, so I had them with almond milk and chopped-up dried apricots, and JESUS CHRIST.
Anyway I’ve been eating it every day since and sometimes it’s my favorite part about my day. I highly recommend it to anyone who likes kittens/unicorns/HAPPINESS.
There was a time when I lived on Honey Bunches of Oats and cigarettes. Now I am gluten intolerant and there are no ciggies in my life (except on the streets and in the mouths of homiesexuals). SO GLUTEN AND TOBACCO-FREE GORILLA MUNCH POUR MOI :D
Peanut Butter Panda Puffs is my current favorite. Mostly because of the taste but also because the name is fun to say.
I still remember the first time I had Apple Jacks. I was about 7 and close to 1000 miles away from home visiting my great grandparents and that was the only kind of cereal (or kids cereal maybe) that they had.
I usually buy Cheerios, but my favorite is Life, sometimes of the cinnamon variety. I don’t buy it often, because once I eat one piece of it dry, I will almost always finish the whole box within a day.
Strawberry Fields 4eva!
I have so many feelings about cereal, as I believe it is the most perfect food. Growing up my all time favorite cereal was Kellogg’s Just Right, but they stopped selling it in the U.S. several years ago and it nearly broke my heart. My understanding is that it’s now sold in Canada, and maybe the U.K.? Anyway, I had to find a substitute, and the closest thing is Kellogg’s Mueslix, which is excellent, but isn’t sold everywhere. I mix it with some bran flakes and boom! Delicious.
The majority, if not all, of my undergraduate diet consisted of Cinnamon Toast Crunch mixed with Reese’s Puffs.
That’s all.
Honey Crunchy Nut Cornflakes. asdfghjkl;
everything.
especially if the milk is really hot and you put a spoonful of jam in it.
DAMNNIT.
I was being so after-easter-binge healthy today. No snacks. And then this happened and now I have cereal.
Also, i needed juice too. So I’m basically re-eating breakfast at 9pm.
(btw, this is my new cereal love- All Bran golden crunch clusters)
We got that puffed rice Special K in Norway too. I wish we had the “regular” one, as in, the one I grew used to when I was in the States. We do have one that’s similar, it’s called Red Berries, but it has both strawberries and raspberries, and I’d rather have just the strawberries. Oh the pain!
i’ll never stop mourning the loss of Honey Bunches of Oats with peaches. i swear i ate it every day for a year, and then they discontinued it. rude.
Kashi Go Lean Toasted Berry Crumble is my current cereal of choice, mostly because it gives me the taste of Berry Kix while making me seem like a somewhat health-conscious person.
I feel the same way!! When a friend of mine introduced me to them, I fell in love immediately. I used to tell people I kept Post in business. Apparently, they disagreed. :/
fruity pebbles
Waffle Crisp
I just can’t understand why Trix hasn’t been mentioned yet. That is by far my all time favorite kid cereal. My mom rarely bought sugary cereal but on our birthday we got to have whatever we wanted for breakfast & dinner, so I have had a bowl of Trix cereal on my birthday every year for as long as I can remember.
Also, Trix was WAY better before they changed the shapes into all round things. & who doesn’t like a mascot that’s a bunny trying to get the kids’ cereal??
& now thanks to this article I am off to have a deliciously oversized bowl of this cereal right now. & it’s not even my birthday! reasons i love being a grown up some days.
It’s so sad that they changed the shape. That was the only part I liked.
agreed. the shape was basically the most important part/influenced the mouth feel in a major way.
did i really just say “mouth feel” in all seriousness about cereal?
Yes. But that works here.
Kashi heart to heart honey toasted is the best thing, oatmeal squares are so so good too. I have never even had honey bunches of oats, I need to try it now though.
Life. *drools*
Over here Cinnamon Toast Crunch is called Curiously Cinnamon and it’s curiously delicious and when I eat it my friends are all “you’re not a small child any more eat this diet cereal that tastes of cardboard” and I’m all “CINNAMON SUGAR IS BETTER THAN BEING HEALTHY.”
Beware, Lizz, “Gorilla Munch” is a well known rustler of jimmies.
I don’t understand this but I like the sound of it.
I prefer Rice and Beans: Cereal Edition. Just take two parts rice krispies and one part coco puffs, add some soy milk and there you go – rice and beans for breakfast!
you just changed my whole entire life.
I would not be upset if you weren’t the last lovely queer lady to say that to me
I’ve commented on this article way too many times now but I forgot to mention the cereals from places that shouldn’t sell good cereal. It’s such a surprise, you love it even more! Target’s Archer Farms brand makes this flaxseed and blueberry oat cluster heaven, and Lidl carries something called Master Crumbly(!) which is oat clusters with either tropical fruit or almonds+raisins. It’s amazing and it’s like half the price of the cheapest cereal at normal-people supermarkets. Unfortunately the Target one is so expensive (like $4+) that I’ve only bought it three times. Once my mummy bought it for me. It’s highly recommended though.
Similarly, I know some people think it’s weird to buy food from Marshalls/TJMaxx but they have really good cereal/granola if you don’t care about never being able to find the same stuff day-to-day. Both of these stores are a mysterious of gluten free, GMO-free, HFCS-free, sugar free, dye-free and generally healthy stuff. So if you’re into that (or jam/jelly or candy), it’s is basically the cheapest grocery store you’ll ever find. I picked up a box of Oskri Cashew Peach bars and the Coconut ones for ~$3 each.
Special K and/or Peanut Butter Cheerios and/or Honey Bunches of Oats. I tried to get out of the cereal habit and eat eggs instead, but it turns out that most days I’m just immediately hungry and too damn lazy in the morning to do that.
Also, has anyone been as stupid as me and accidentally opened both sides of the cereal bag, spilling it all over the place?
Cereal! Yes. I discovered Jordan’s Morning Crisp and thought that was the best thing ever, and then I discovered Jordan’s Morning Crisp with dark chocolate chips. Then I discovered Jordan’s Morning Crisp with dark chocolate chips WITH DARK CHOCOLATE ALMOND MILK.
Other gooders include chocolate Cheerios, chocolate Mini Wheats, and Nature’s Path Love Crunch (also chocolatey. Notice a trend here?).
I’ma go have some cereal.
How has no one mentioned Honey Smacks or Pops yet? Pure sugar + puffed grain = guaranteed hyperactivity in ~8 minutes.
when i got to college i decided to branch out on the cereal front, since i was buying my own food and my parents wouldn’t judge me. i bought granola and ate it with yogurt and felt like i had graduated to “real lesbian” status.
Dear Kashi Strawberry Fields,
Remember that time I drunkenly reshelved your empty box and then tried to have cereal the next morning only to find that I did, in fact, finish all but the crumbs and didn’t, in fact, have a back up waiting in the wings and I had already poured the milk (Who does that, Jill?) and then the milk-to-cereal ratio was way wacked and I spent the morning sobbing into my bowl because nothing could make the day worse and then once classes were over I drove 5 miles out of my way to my local Wegmans to purchase two more boxes? Because I do. I’ll always remember.
Strawberry Fields forever,
Jillie
Cheerios and Corn Flakes were always in my mother’s house, at my grandmother’s All Bran/Bran Flakes/Special K/Shredded Wheat and the sometimes risque Raisin Bran (I’m not kidding, both my mother and grandmother think RB is a bit edgy), so my tastes are the same, with the addition of Grape Nuts, no sugar of course, in our houses you do not add sugar to cereal (with the possible exception of brown sugar to oatmeal).
Favorite cereal ever: FROOT LOOPS.
Saddest thing? They don’t sell them anymore in my country. I guess I should be glad for my health, though…
When my roommate decided to do some sort of agnostic faux-Lent ritual by giving up gluten for a month, she gifted me with an unopened box of Kashi Heart to Heart (the warm cinnamon flavor) that she realized she now couldn’t eat. That glorious box, combined with plentiful citrus fruits smuggled out of the college dining hall in my gym bag, saw me and my stomach safely through many lazy mornings and tipsy evenings.
Cereal! I can distinctly remember the taste of all the delicious sugary sorts I ate as a kid before being diagnosed with Celiac Sprue and going Gluten-free. (Crunchy Oat Bran, anyone?)
Right now my absolute favorite cereal is Nature’s Path Mesa Sunrise (now with raisins!) which has a bajillion GF grains and flax, and I cannot stress enough how healthy/fiber-filled it is AND delicious. Best of both worlds! Letting it soak in milk for a little bit makes it even tastier.
Does anyone else feel the need to eat it out of a milk glass instead a bowl if it’s not specifically for breakfast?
*Cracklin’ Oat Bran, not Crunchy Oat Bran.
I miss that shit so badly.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran is by far superior to all other cereals. Hands down.
I like to eat mine out of a coffee mug if it’s not breakfast (and occasionally if it is).
Dorset Cereals Mueslis are the best. Sadly they are very expensive in the US. When I lived abroad, the orange box and the lighter brown box were my favorite flavors. Here, the navy blue box is the best one that I can find, and it is expensive so I get it once every couple of months for a treat. Usually I eat leftovers for breakfast. I keep meaning to get ingredients to make my own muesli though.
Omg. When i went to Uni I had to stop living off cereal. I did all through my teens… When my grandad died I ate nothing but special k for 3 days. Then I went to college and was like WOW this shit is expensive. It was a sad day.
What I hate about cereal is even if it’s healthy they stick a lot sugar in it… Which is lame. Like I don’t mind if I’m having luck charms or golden Grahams but even bran flakes are hellasweet.
Wait they don’t use real nuts in Honey Nut Cheerios anymore? That makes me really sad. But not sad enough to stop eating them.
I eat Vector for breakfast every morning. It’s basically a meal replacement. Regular cereal leaves me hungry an hour later, but a little Vector at 5am with frozen berries on top keeps me truckin’ in the barn til my 9am snack. It’s a great source of vitamins, minerals, and protein. A little too much sugar for my taste, but it’s the most comprehensive cereal I’ve found, so I’ll take it!
“Vector”..Could you possibly be anymore Canadian? I always loved how Kellogg’s advertised it as a “meal replacement” rather than a breakfast cereal. In other words, I miss it..Send me some?
In Israel they have this cereal called כריות (Kariot)and I swear it was sent from above. It’s little chocolate squares that kinda look like Quaker Bran Squares, but chocolate and not at all healthy, and It’s filled with creamy chocolate. I live for it.
Kellogg’s Krave isn’t really breakfast so much as it’s cereal giving nutella a hug. It holds the top spot on my If-I-had-to-marry-an-inanimate-object-what-would-it-be-list.
I do not like cereal.I do however love all and every sort of berry for breakfast.I am however quite curious as to which cereal Tegan was having in the photo caption.She seems to be quite enjoying it.
Behold the power of cereal! My brother and I used to have that mess on tap. At least 4 or 5 in the pantry.(You know, including the 1 or 2 that’s almost done but has still been there forever)
Sugar: Rice Krispies Treats Cereal (aka heaven discontinued!), Reese’s Puffs, Cap’n Crunch (Berries & Peanut Butter) Fruit Loops or remember this, Frankenberry? Strangely enough I only ate it visiting Guyana & not in the US.
Lightly Sweet/Healthy..er: Cinnamon Life, Crispix, Kix, Special K, Kashi Cinnamon Harvest, & this Special K knock off I used to get in Spain at Mercadona, Hacendado Copos de Arroz y Trigo Integral. Banginnn.
Currently on my countertop: Rice Krispies & Honey Bunches of Oats w/ Almonds
YOU CAN GET RICE KRISPIES TREATS CEREAL ON THE INTERNET! I know because it is my fucking favorite and I currently have 4 boxes in my closet.
How.How.HOW?! I feel like I did hear about that once upon a time but someone said it was stale. =(( However, I’m easily persuaded by positive testimony. Now, back to eating heaven!
When I read this I was a little sad that I’m the only gay sibling, but one of my brothers just urgently gchatted me to tell me “On Directing” is his favorite song off of his Tegan and Sara Workout Mix, so I decided I’m fine with it.
Also, Honey Bunches of Oats Forever.
um,cereal. what would one do without it?
My favourite is chocapic, though I rarely eat it with milk. it tastes better on its own. it is also the kind of thing I eat way too much of too quickly annd then regret. its chocolatey goodness is a weak spot for me.
I also really like zucaritas. they’re the usual flakes with I think honey and sugar.
oh and estrellitas! damn those are delicious. disgustingly sweet and that’s kinda the best part.
I’ve tried healthy cereals,full of fiber and without milk or honey but tbh they’re boring. I like the ones with honey and sugar and without any kind of fruit.
I FUCKING LOVE ESTRELLITAS.
I will admit, I’ve pretty much been eating Lucky Charms every morning for the part couple months (with some Captain Crunch with Crunch Berries in there).
My favorite cereal is Quaker’s Crunchy Corn Bran. When I was growing up it was never sold in the US (at least where we lived) so it was this special treat when we visited my grandparents in Canada. I was ridiculously happy when a local grocery store stocked it for a couple months last fall.
oh yes! Quaker’s Crunchy Corn Bran is sneaky. It looks awfully boring but is in fact delicious, on its own or with any type of milk. Oddly it’s only sold at one of the supermarket chains where I live (and there are many).
Kix please!
Also, I like Puffins a lot but I’ve seriously never eaten it with milk because I end up eating it all straight from the box. Something about the large pieces makes it seem even snackier than normal cereal.
The best granola is Milk & Honey brand. I think this might be a Chicago only thing. Each and every flavor is truly glorious! There’s one with cashews, papaya and ginger and one with peanuts, raisins and cacao nibs. The texture/consistency, though, is above all what makes it special. I can no longer eat any other granola, not even Nature’s Path or other fancy healthy ones I used to appreciate.
Puffins!
Kashi Go Lean Crunch!
Kix!
Life!
Crispx!
Cinnamon Harvest!
And Corn Flakes with whole milk.
De-lurking to say: RAISIN NUT BRAN. Laneia, you have made the correct choice. I am going to eat this stuff until the day I die.
NO GOLDEN GRAHAMS? WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO.
“I don’t like raisins. I don’t like bran flakes. Yet I love Raisin Bran.”
These are my exact feelings on Raisin Bran. It’s magic.
hey does anyone remember a US cereal from the 90s called Flutie Flakes? Do they still make that? It was really good.
I do remember it, but sadly since Doug Flutie no longer is a player of football, they no longer make his cereal. :(
woah, flashback
BTW, I went grocery shopping today, and this post is 100% of the reason I bought a box of Kashi Heart to Heart. Also 70% of the reason I bought Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Oh, cereal. I’ll be eating a lot of you when I go back to the states. Here in China, I have to trek over to the international grocery store and pay 5-9 USD per box. And my choices tend to be weirdly limited (considering the usual mile-long US grocery aisle devoted to cereal) and yet randomly international. So when I do splurge on cereal, I usually go with the cheaper-end ones, like Frosted Flakes, but last week I got some whole-grain Honey Nut Cheerios and they were delicious.
Back home, though, I can’t pick a favorite cereal. Honey Bunches of Oats, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Raisin Bran, Honey Nut Cheerios, Captain Crunch (nostalgic because it’s what my grandmother always had when we visited, served with sliced banana and 2% milk — we got plain Cheerios and skim milk at home) — anyway, I usually get a different cereal each time. At college, the cafeteria made it’s own granola cereal, and sometimes I dream about it and wake up sad that I’ve graduated. As for those mini travel boxes of cereal — we got those when we were camping and they were the best thing ever. I don’t think I realized as a child that you could buy those all year round.
O_O Ah Cereal.. the most convenient source of sustenance known to wo/man-kind. My first cereal-love was French Toast Crunch. We’re still friends but a new cereal has entered my life and I couldn’t be happier with it and it’s name is Krave. Frailty, thy name is Krave. Ooo just the name makes thy mouth water. I cannot go cuckoo for cocopuffs or any other cereal. My affection for Krave and it’s chocolatey-heart knows no bounds.
Lip lock the Krave box
Pa-party don’t stop ‘a no,
Nom nom Na Nommm,
Nom nom Na Nommm..
As an Australian residing in North America I can report that the Special K here is different and compares poorly in all criteria (crunch/flavour/nutrition/price). The Sultana (Raisin) Bran is also different but close enough that I’m not bothered. I miss Just Right, have not yet seen it for sale in Canada.
What I want to know is why? Why is the same product by the same name by the same company different in two different parts of the world. Lets have some consistency peeps, I am a global citizen and i needs my cereal fix!
Firstly, I’m overjoyed by the volume of responses to this most esteemed of articles.
Secondly, ricicles. frosted rice crispies? ’nuff said…
I have to say my girlfriend ruined Captain Crunch for me. She’s in the Navy and cannot look past the fact that he has the wrong ranking. I can no longer sit and enjoy my sugary bowl of mouth-gasm without hearing her insistent voice in the back of my head saying “But the stripes are wrong! He should really be called Commander Crunch!”. Alas…
Also, Tegan eating cereal….
mmm frosted tegans….
I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Grape Nuts, even though I don’t eat it anymore bc it is so outrageously expensive. The best part about it, apart from the flavor, which really was nutty, was the fact that there was basically no sugar in it, so you could sweeten it to taste. That was cool beans, man. Cool beans. :D
This has been my dad’s favorite cereal since always, so when I come home, I’m always treated to he and my parents’ parakeet eating Grape Nuts together every morning.
Aww Grape Nuts nostalgia!
I like Multi Cheerios. It says on the box that it has 4 different kinds of grain, which is good. And they’re circular and they’ve got holes in them, which is cool!
This morning I had the most amazing bowl of cereal. Cinnamon Puffins, Joe’s O’s, and sliced bananas. I WOULD LITERALLY EAT THIS FOR EVERY MEAL IF I COULD. It was delicious. Having a great breakfast really sets the tone for the whole day.
If there is one thing I know for sure, it is that I will never be too old to enjoy a giant bowl of Life cereal. On a healthier and more grown up note, Fiber One has a great cereal that literally looks like twigs, but pour some soy milk and cut up some banana, and you have yourself a delicious breakfast of champions.
Cinnamon Toast Cruch. Those are the greatest inventions ever known to woman. Okay so they aren’t the healthiest but they are awsome and have funny things on the back of the box. May I also say the prizes are always worth the unhealthiness of the ceral.
Golden Grahams. They are that good my Mum is putting a few boxes in the parcel she’s sending me (I’m in Oz, she’s in England).
I am sitting here reading this article (and the comments that follow) eating a large bowl of Cornflakes with 2% and a sliced banana in there. It is delicious.
De-lurking out of complete confusion over the fact that only ONE person has mentioned Reese’s Puffs. It’s literally candy in cereal form. My teeth are rotting just thinking about it. I think the longest I’ve ever made a box last is a day and a half – and that’s only because I skipped third breakfast to ensure I would have enough for my late-night drunken snack.
CARRIE. I would just like to thank you. Upon reading this, I decided I needed some new cereal. So I gallavanted over to the nearby Whole Foods and picked up some Kashi Heart to Heart Warm Cinnamon Oat cereal. I have fallen madly in love, although I am fearful of the nutritional content. So thank you for your superior match making skills.
It is delicious, right? I was also pretty skeptical about it at first (especially since I am not a serious cereal or health food person) but Heart to Heart is magical! Glad you enjoy!
Okay. So I don’t like milk. At all. Unless it’s mixed in something and I can’t taste it at all, I’m not having it. That being said. I eat cereal that can be converted into a snack mix. So I’m all Wheaties Fuel combined with Chex.
Which gives me a lot of energy while also making me feel like I’m healthy for 2 minutes.
Trader Joe’s Vanilla Almond Crunch or something like that is the most delicious and I eat like 10 bowls of it at a time. As well as Banana Nut Crunch, Reeses Puffs, and my all-time fave: Cinnamon Life.
I also definitely once proclaimed that if I had to only eat one food for the rest of forever it would be cereal.
i was just thinking about how much i love cereal this morning,
and how much I miss being crunchatized…
CLUSTER CRISP TRIPLE BERRY NZ YEAHHHHH
actually i pine for american cereals. even the healthy ones are ridiculously unhealthy.
http://www.sanitarium.co.nz/products/breakfast/cluster-crisp/cluster-crisp-triple-berry
Why has no one mentioned Multi Grain Cheerios? They’re like Honey Nut Cheerios’ little brother (you know, the little brother who played sports and had abs and always reminded you of what you could be if you would just get off the internet every once in a while) and they are SO DELICIOUS. They can be strangely hard to find, but they’re the perfect middle ground between boring-ass Cheerios and the bee-nightmare-inducing Honey Nut variety. Also, every cereal is a hundred times better when you use vanilla soy milk. Yummm.
This is relevant:
http://topcultured.com/what-should-i-eat-cereal-edition-flowchart/
No love for Reese’s Puffs? Or Cinnamon Life? Or Cinnamon Life in Reese’s Puffs (it was a thing, okay)?
I’m sorry. I can’t hear you over the sound of you’re all losers.
This is relevant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B3Teo9IswO8&ob=av3n
Honey Graham Ohs are a new favorite I’ve discovered in the past couple of years. However, much like Captain Crunch Berries they will remove at least one layer of skin from the room of your mouth if you’re not careful. But they’re so damn delicious.
Worth it.
Am I the only one that feels like Gorilla Munch sounds like the name of a very aggressive lesbian sex party…?
i’ve learned some important things lately.
1) always read everything posted on autostraddle.
2) honey bunches of oats is delicious.
Does anyone remember Berry Lucky Charms? That was my favorite cereal as a kid besides that short-lived Oreo cereal. It seems whenever I have a favorite cereal, the brand or the flavor is discontinued.
One of my favorites that’s not on the list is Frosted Mini Wheats. They’re so addictive.
But my top favorites are honeynut cheerios and cinnamon toast crunch and…all granola type cereals ever.