6. Telephone (featuring Beyonce)
STEF: My #1 feeling about this song is that Carly and her roommate Cesar have DEFINITELY already choreographed a dance for this song in their living room. There is nothing I love more in this world than the moment in “Telephone” where Beyonce busts through the door like the Kool Aid guy, all huge diva hair and sequins and RIGHTEOUSLY PISSED OFF about some bullshit her man is pulling. Sasha Fierce is NOT GETTING HER FUCKING COAT ANY FASTER, OK!?!?!
ALEX: Our lady of terrible/AWESOME gives us our anthem (possibly) with “Telephone” which in my opinion has its share of terrible lyrics (“Just a second, its my favorite song they’re gonna play, And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh” – really?) but the absolute most awesome hook(s) and melodies. Gaga’s job is to make me wanna dance and this does it for me.
I have so many good feelings about this song and the future: I’d like to see the video stat and it better make up for the crap that was Beyonce’s “Video Phone” (featuring Gaga herself) that I so patiently anticipated — for nothing.
Also I’d like to dance to “Telephone” in public or on a dance floor sometime really soon. Something tells me I won’t have to wait long…
7. So Happy I Could Die
STEF: For a song that starts out talking about masturbating over a girl, this is a surprisingly bland track. “So Happy I Could Die” is another Space Cowboy/RedOne track, which is even odder – these three haven’t written a boring song together um, EVER. Sure, maybe it’s harder to get your average bubblegum pop star to sing about touching herself at night, but this just doesn’t sound like Gaga. It could be anyone. I wish they’d stuck to their tried-and-true method of crafting perfect pop hits, ’cause this one sounds like it could be any girl on the radio.
ALEX:
“I love that lavender blonde,
The way she moves,
The way she walks,
I touch myself can’t get enough”
Gaga clearly wrote these lyrics cause she knew Autostraddle would find them AND HOLD ONTO THEM WITH ALL WE GOT. Gayest song we have on this album right here, so I appreciate the subject-matter. “So Happy I Could Die” is chill. Like you can groove to it and sing along while driving or something. I’m cool with it but the song is just alright… she even says it herself in the chorus. (“So happy I could die and it’s alright...”)
8. Teeth
ALEX: It’s really hard to review a song that you can’t even listen through more than once honestly. I tried, I really tried! I love Gaga, you guys! I love her with the fire of a thousand suns but I’m just not into this jam at all. She’s just going to have to prove to me otherwise when she performs it live cause you know everything Lady Gaga does live turns to gold-plated unicorns.
So uh… I’ll let Stef take it from here!
STEF: Oh, Gaga. No matter how weird she got on “The Fame,” Gaga’s weaker material was somehow always acceptable. I always wondered what it would sound like if she did something that actually fell flat, and “Teeth”… well. It sounds like it could have been a cute segue piece in between songs, like perhaps leading “Alejandro” into “Monster,” but as an album closer it falls flat. It’s SO theatrical and cabaret that the overwhelming visual in my mind is of Christina Aguilera in her dark underground lair, seething that her “Back to Basics” schtick has been stolen. The thing is, this song is just WEIRD. I’d love to see it live, perhaps with a stronger hip-hop beat and some crazy-lookin’ Where the Wild Things Are dancers, but as it stands I can only picture it as a Colgate commercial.
Final Thoughts…
ALEX: What draws me to Lady Gaga’s brand of dance-pop music (and certainly the songs on The Fame Monster) and what makes them so fresh and ingenious seems to be her combination of great pop beats and harmonies with real fucking emotion. It’s why when I dance in the dark I can sing “cause when he’s lookin’ she falls apaaaart” at the top of my lungs and feel it in my heart as well as my bones.
I’d say Holy Trinity of The Fame Monster is made up of: “Bad Romance”, “Monster”, and “Telephone”. I think my personal favorite at the moment is “Dance in the Dark” and I probably won’t listen to “Speechless” or “Teeth” ever again or for awhile. Just saying.
STEF: The genius of “The Fame Monster” is that it isn’t REALLY a whole new album; this is just Gaga cranking out a few more singles before she starts work on her actual second album. Lady Gaga has always been able to write a brilliant pop song, but when she’s given access to the world’s greatest songwriters and producers, she’s able to create increasingly bold and refreshingly strange music that pushes the envelope of what pop music can be. “The Fame Monster” is just a sampling of a thousand directions she could move in. In a world where most pop singers are merely bland, autotuned actresses who don’t write their own material, Gaga’s hands-on approach is completely refreshing. While uneven in places, “The Fame Monster” isn’t afraid to be weird.
You can buy the regular edition mp3 version of The Fame Monster for $7.92. Also: The Fame Monster album (regular) The Fame Monster [Deluxe Edition] or the The Fame Monster Limited Edition, which has extras and comes out on December 15th.
