We asked you to tell us what you want to see on The Real L Word (besides it not happening at all) Los Angeles. This is what you said. Intern Hot Laura has provided illustrations for four of your suggestions!
Laneia: On The Real L Word someone had better pull a FULL-ON JENNY and bury someone’s dog/suitcase/toaster in the backyard OR I’M NOT WATCHING!”
Des: “On The Real L Word there better be some goddamn fisting!”
Intern Emily: “On The Real L Word, there will be no carnival flashbacks.”
Intern Jen: “But then what would I fast forward??”
BCW: “On The Real L Word flowers won’t sing while Alice cries. And Betty won’t sing at all.”
Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word Sounder eats Betty… then has to regurgitate her because he hates the taste of bullshit.”
Stef: “On The Real L Word, Sounder 1 will have her revenge.”
Ilene Chaiken Fantasies
Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word, Kit adds words to her vocabulary behind Ilene Chaiken’s back, Shane gets carpal tunnel (screwing duh), Carmen returns (without permission), Dana appears (it turns out being a PSA for breast cancer didn’t pay very well) with Mr.Piddles in hand who then elopes with Sounder, and Alice plays a nasty tricky on Ilene involving a whoopee cushion, a light beer and a bilingual ventriloquist and Mama Chaiken is pisssssssed.”
Andrea: “On The Real L Word, everyone will make fun of The L Word until it ventures into the Vortex of the Chaik’s mind.”
Grace Chu: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken should be ousted from her position as executive producer and replaced with a group of LOLcats.”
marya: “On The Real L Word, Jenny will show up to push Ilene off the balcony…”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word, the series ends much earlier then The Fake L Word because Ilene gets frustrated that she can’t control the characters enough.”
lost it: “On The Real L Word, the original cast of The L Word will push Ilene Chaiken and Betty into the pool.”
Nicoleeolee: “On The Real L Word, there will be some plot continuity because Ilene Chaiken can’t be god of the REAL WORLD.”
bcw: “On The Real L Word, Showtime will put a secret clause in IFC’s contract saying that her involvement is purely symbolic and all creative control and veto power will go to Angela Robinson.”
Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word Ilene Chaiken will be taken to a small and very clean “hotel” to live with white walls that are surprisingly cushy for declaring that she is the writer, creator, producer, incubator, fairy-godmother, baby mama, legal guardian, & commander in chief of Showtime’s new life-changing, earth-shattering, revolutionary, pioneering landmark new super-hit reality series The Real Luny World: LA style.”
Molly: “On The Real L Word, Shane all of a sudden has a new interest in medical procedures and goes back to school… while fucking lots of nurses/interns in the meantime.”
Foist: “On The Real L Word, Mark is the cameraman.”
Nanc: “On The Real L Word, there will be no brain transplants.”
Scottish Lilt: “On The Real L Word, there better be no goddamn manatees. Let’s get a bigger budget and bring in the killer whales!”
Deb on the Rocks: “On The Real L Word, underground poker-ring absentee mother socialite lesbians will have better lawyers.”
Deb on the Rocks: “On The Real L Word, no one will be called “Baby Girl.” No one.”
Intern Laura: “baby girl”: no — “candyass nannyfucking motherfucker”: yes, please.
Vikki: “There will always be a special place in my heart for “nannyfuckingmotherfucker”.”
Wardrobe Fixes
JeniLynn: “On The Real L Word, no one will wear doilies. Or pirate shirts.”
Intern Emily: Or shirts at all! Everyone will be naked! Woo!”
Nicole: “On The Real L Word they won’t talk about The L Word and have actual jobs to explain how they can afford any expensive clothing and other items”
B$: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn “dana lives” shirts.”
Casting Suggestions
Barbara: “On The Real L Word Kate, Leisha, Camila, Clementine, Clea and Linda are cast. And the ratings surpass anything that’s ever been televised.”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no… ugly straight sister. I mean, Kittisms.”
Intern Elizabeth: “On The Real L word, Latina women will be played by themselves and Middle Eastern / Indian women will be themselves… I hope.”
des!: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn REAL lesbians.”
cycnet: “On The Real L Word, there will be lesbians who are not model thin. “On The Real L word,people will have real shit jobs like the rest of us.”
MsNJS: “On The Real L Word, people will be their actually ethnicity. No Middle Eastern Mexicans…”
Alex!: “On The Real L Word, IFC will not have cylon lesbians. It will have real lesbians (who are often nude). And the Lynch will commentate. And Ellen and Portia will kiss on camera. Cute.”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word, REAL lesbians will be cast; there will be about six women getting together and endlessly talking about how The Fake L Word really sucked. Revenge!”
Bren: “On The Real L Word, Los Angeles, will star the one and only Haviland Stillwell and all will be right in the world.”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no… ugly straight sister. I mean, Kittisms.”
Bren: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn butches.”
giancarla.debimonte: “On The Real L Word there’d better be some bois with toys *wink*.”
bcw: “On The Real L Word, no one will have a soul patch.”
Leah: “On The Real L Word there will be no Really Papi Really t-shirts :(”
mon: “On The Real L Word the lesbians will still be beautiful, even if it’s “reality”, it’s still TV.”
Bren: “On The Real L Word, somebody better still be living with their ex-girlfriend that they broke up with 8 months ago… and 6 months ago…”
a;ex: “On The Real L Word, there better be some nanny-fuckin motherfuckers.”
Julia: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn continuity.”
marya: “On The Real L Word there will be no apparitions in the waterfalls.”
stef: “On The Real L Word, I hope there is a Mormon who is seduced into a life of decadent West Hollywood whoreishness and gets kicked out of BYU for it. Also, I hope there is a bangin’ house and a hot tub.”
Vikki: “On The Real L Word, there shall be no sperm-stealing lesbians!”
chris: “On The Real L Word there will be blood… and on a lighter note, there better be people running off treadmills backwards from surprise/laughter.”
Debbie: “On The Real L Word, a giant rainbow colored unicorn will fall from the sky and devour Betty and their motherfuckin’ theme tune (oh dear god please don’t let them write/sing the new tune) and Jenny will realize the manatees were actually LOLruses and sail far far away on one…”
Laneia: “OH DEAR LORD the prospect of another Betty theme song hadn’t crossed my mind until now!! Noooooo!”
Speedbumps: “On The Real L Word, Betty will explode in a splatter of off key voices, instruments and fugly.”
Speedbumps: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken will refrain from smoking crack in all staff meetings.”
Intern Emily: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken will not be invited to staff meetings.”
Rachel: “On The Real L Word, people’s personalities will not change every 6-10 episodes. Well, hopefully not, at least. Then we’ll have to wonder who cast the schizo.”
Intern Lily: “On The Real L Word, there will be no images of recently deceased tennis players in waterfalls.”
Lynne: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn boobies. Also on The Real L Word there will be no penis.”
Sapphicsass: “Totally agree! No blow jobs in lesbo-land!”
Intern Jen: “On The Real L Word, there won’t be any toe nail clipping scenes.”
All About Bette Porter!
Rachel: “On The Real L Word, there be no one like Bette motherfucking Porter!”
a;ex: “motherfucking agreed!”
alexM: “On The Real L Word, there will be NO Bette Motherfucking Porter.”
Sapphicsass: “But I love Bette motherfucking Porter!”
Katie: “On The Real L Word, they better have some fucking sippy cups.”
ne;;y: “On The Real L Word, if someone dies we want to know the killer.”
Discojen: “On The Real L Word, everyone will go to work and not all meet in a cafe/bar/club and text their partner while sitting on the next fucking table to them!”
Carmen: “On The Real L Word, there better be real lesbians having sex to the “Finally” song… and there won’t be any stripteases interrupted by stupid phone calls.”
Hardyz: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one Goddamn person able to perform a computer search.”
Hardyz: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one Goddamn person able to perform a computer search.”
bizzle: “On The Real L Word, LC and Heidi will be friends again.”
kjones: “On The Real L Word, there better be a massive blackout so everyone can get it on while Freezepop plays.”
bizzle: “On The Real L Word, there better be some table flipping!”
Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one damn place to eat.”
mon: “On The Real L Word, a cute bespectacled lesbian will rage about the unfairness of the world, only to have a fellow lesbian rather passively agree. Then a bald man in charge of her reality show future will make her write supportive comments on his blog.. oh wait.”
Sophie T: “On The Real L Word there better be some goddamn arson, ARSON!”
southpaw: “On The Real L Word there will be talking-laughing-loving-breathing-fighting-fucking-crying-drinking-writing-winning-losing-cheating-kissing-thinking-dreaming. Also, people really need to stop giving Ilene Chaiken money. I mean, c’mon people, it’s the 90’s.”
southpaw: “On The Real L Word, everything will be sponsored by OURCHART DOT COM, the social network based on The L Word.”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no baby showers during which pregnant men throw up. I guess.”
a;ex: “The icing on the top the lovely comment cake is the indifferent “I guess” at the end. Well played, Barbara.”
foist: “On The Real L Word, Mark is the cameraman.”
Leah: “On The Real L Word there better be some viewing of a goddamn PODCAST!”
nil: “On The Real L Word, pregnant ladies won’t get banished to Buddha Camp.”
Ann: “On The Real L Word Angelica can honk the horn”
Vikki: “On The Real L Word, nobody better make baby girl live in a tool shed.”
Scottish Lilt: “Aye, because NOBODY puts Baby in a tool shed. Guuurl!”
ManillaPudding: “On The Real L Word, Shane goes to school on the internets.”
SandyPants: “On The Real L Word, there will be holidays: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, and the Fourth of July!”
