Pretty Little Liars Recap 501: EscApe From Your Lesbian Lover

Lizz
Jun 13, 2014
COMMENT

Back in NYC there is No Business Like Show Business and as such, Alison takes the Liars minus Aria to a theater to spend the night. A real live theater where they can just pretend they’re on stage in a play called We Are So Fucked.

Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf? I am. I am.
Who’s afraid of Virginia Wolf? I am. I am.

Aria as you may have guessed is still in the hospital waiting room.

Hour 285 here in the hospital. I'm going to have to eat intake forms and gauze to survive.
Hour 285 here in the hospital. I’m going to have to eat intake forms and gauze to survive.

Anyways, turns out this theater is actually one that Ezra took Ali to once. Oh and one his family owns. The Fitzgerald Theater. Did you forget that bro’s got gold for days? Days!! Get ittttt.

I can't figure out why no one came to our new play "Six Hours of Physics"
I can’t figure out why no one came to our new play Six Hours of Physics.
Hey I have an idea: let's be in love until I find a new teenager to displace my feelings onto.
Hey I have an idea. Let’s be in love until I find a new teenager to displace my feelings onto.

So the girls settle into their new theater home and slowly live every middle school theater kid’s fantasy. Of course the play set comes complete with a Chekhov’s gun on the mantle. A real live gun. Well Chekov knows as well as we do, if there’s a gun hanging on the wall in the first act it has to go off in the third act

Hanna Marin: Animal Huntress
Hanna Marin: Animal Huntress

For once the Liars are treated as humans and they start to get hungry. They skip out to the concession stand. As they start snacking they are again, for a minute, just high school students goofing off with their friends.

And after this we can all practice cunnilingus on each other!
And after this we can all practice cunnilingus on each other!

This youngness and/or closeness seems to upset Ali though. She immediately walks upstairs to “call her friends” to let them know she’s okay. Everyone agrees this is bogus.

Did she just fart and walk away?
Did she just fart and walk away?

One of those friends just might have been Shana, because she heads over to the hospital to meet Aria. She says that Ali sent her to keep an eye on things, but Aria is generally mistrustful of lesbians. They’re always trying to process with her or give her directions to Home Depot.

Don't be like this. I still love you.
Don’t be like this. I still love you.
Please can we just scissor for a minute?
Please can we just scissor for a minute? You used to love scissoring!

Shana offers to keep watch while Aria sleeps, and even though Aria is like so totally not interested in that she falls asleep anyways. In her defense, it’s been a long day. Shana watches her for a minute and then gets up and leaves. Shana is a terrible baby sitter.

Hmm should I draw a dick on her face while she sleeps?
Hmm should I draw a dick on her face while she sleeps?

Back at the theater, Alison has also “fallen asleep.” I put that in air quotes because I seriously don’t know if she actually sleeps or eats. With all that running around and scheming day and night I swear she just gets rejuvenated in some sort of Rosewood science pod created by the same people who control the weather.

This is how you get ulnar nerve entrapment syndrome.
This is how you get ulnar nerve entrapment syndrome.

The girls take this moment to discuss how pretty soon this will all be over and their lives are going to be totally A Free forever now. Hanna muses that maybe she’ll take up a sport. Spencer says she just wants to be happy. And Emily? Well Emily is going to finally finishing watching all of The L Word. She’s only at the end of Season One and she assumes it will only get better.

That awkward moment when you're watching the L Word with your friends and a graphic sex scene starts and everyone has to act like they're not into it.
That awkward moment when you’re watching the L Word with your friends and a graphic sex scene starts and everyone has to act like they’re not into it.

The Liars even speculate how their lives are sort of almost improved. I hope that this doesn’t turn into one of these things where they decide that A was a good thing and then Alison reveals actually it was her the whole time just to bring them together. Barf.

Let's do it.
Let’s do it.

A few hours later all is quiet on the stage as the Liars finally get some rest. Of course, as always happens when all the Liars are sleeping, someone in all black shows up.

Your safe word is Pineapple.
Your safe word is Pineapple.

This person is immediately revealed to be Cece.

So you finally tried anal. eh?
So you finally tried anal. eh?

She’s also immediately revealed to be… good?

Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?
Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?

Or at least she’s revealed to be in cahoots with Alison. And like weirdly sisterly in love. So the two of them head over to a diner with Noel because you can’t get a short stack in the middle of the night just anywhere, you know? And seriously if these two don’t need some breakfast sweets by now I don’t know who does.

Hello I'd like to order 100 waffles please?
Hello I’d like to order 100 waffles please?

Anyways so Ali and Cece have a touching reunion the cumulates with Ali giving Cece her plane ticket and passport.

Mirror!
Ah, twin lesbian girlfriends, I know the concept well.

Oh right, and Noel made some pervy bro remark. tumblr_n70yoweZNn1rr0ahso1_250tumblr_n70yoweZNn1rr0ahso3_250

Actually I thought it was pretty funny but maybe I just have the mind of a teenage boy.


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Lizz

Lizz is a consumer, lover and writer of all things pop culture and the Fashion/Style Editor at Autostraddle.com. She is also full time medical student at Brown University in Providence, RI. You can find her on the twitter, the tumblr or even on the instagram.

Lizz has written 261 articles for us.

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