The zombie figure was Garret! He wants to talk to Spencer about All The Feelings before he leaves town.
YEAH. TOTALLY LOST WEIGHT DUE TO ALL THE STRESS.
Garret paints Spencer a pastel flashback scene in which, on the night of Alison’s murder, he and Jenna ran into Alison outside her house.
THE LIGHTING WAS SO WEIRD BACK IN 2010
Alison and Jenna have a tussle in which nothing gets hurt but Jenna’s pride. Jenna tells Garret to do something, at which point he picks up a field hockey stick and beats the crap out of Alison until she dies.
THAT IS NOT REGULATION USE OF A FIELD HOCKEY STICK
Well, that’s what Jenna thinks. In actuality, Alison ducks and Garret hits the tree a bunch. Remember now, Jenna can’t see any of this, so in Alison’s creepiest moment yet, she puts her finger over her mouth to shush Garret.
DEODORANT AD.
So Jenna thought Garret killed Alison. Why did Alison and Garret pull this shit? No clue. Knowing Alison it could have been just to fuck with Jenna. What I do know is that this means throughout the entire series Jenna — and likely therefore Noel and potentially even Toby and Mona — thought that Garret had actually killed Alison.
HE LOOKS EVEN SKINNIER HERE. SERIOUSLY OVER WHAT TIMELINE DID THEY FILM THIS EPISODE?
But wait. There’s more.
Garret also reveals that when he returned to Alison’s house later, he saw Alison talking to Byron Montgomery.
IS THIS HICKEY OBVIOUS? I’M OUT OF CLEAN TURTLENECKS
Now, this lends some suspicion to Byron, but it seems to me he was probably just trying not to get busted for nailing his graduate student. Besides, Alison isn’t even wearing the sweater she supposedly died in. Garret says he would have revealed this had Spencer’s mother not gotten him cleared. Funny, you’d think being arrested for murder would be the moment in which you started to throw everyone else under the bus. Immediately.
Knowing that Aria would never believe her, Spencer goes off to find her prohibition era friend.
LIKE IS THIS EVEN THE SAME ACTOR?
Spencer: Don’t go anywhere.
Garret: Where do I have to go?
Oh he is so dead.
Of course, as Spencer and Hanna go off to find Aria, we see her purse alone on a seat next to the window where she’s written her name. Of course, half the name is crossed off so it just says “A.”
“A” IS FOR YOUR “ASSHOLE” FRIENDS LEFT YOU “ALONE”
I THINK THIS IS VIABLE GAY WEDDING ATTIRE
As much as I appreciate A’s commitment to new and interesting ways of writing her own name, at this point I think the girls should be offended that A doesn’t think they know that she’s behind it when shit goes wrong. Like, they get it. We all get it.
AT MY HIGH SCHOOL YOU COULD GET A VARSITY LETTER IN ULTIMATE FRISBEE. SO SAME CONCEPT.
Here’s something I didn’t see coming: Aria wakes up in a fucking crate.
HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT
Basically nothing scares me more than small spaces. I want to say something snarky about a better way to get out of a crate, but I got nothing. I would be screaming like a small child, crying my eyes out and flailing. Mostly screaming through.
Trying to find Caleb to get him to safety, Hanna searches through the Even More Tiny Hats Car. When she finds him, he just wants some hanky-panky.
YOU HAVE TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING A LOT KINKIER TO IMPRESS HANNA
Psych. Caleb is on the other side of the room and Hanna is grinding with someone else. Hanna rips of the faux-Caleb’s mask to reveal… another mask.
DOUBLES AS A SARAH PALIN MASK
A fucking scary ass Alison mask. At which point Hanna should have ripped off that mask too, amirite? In my version, under that mask is another mask only that’s a mask of Maya and under that mask there’s another mask and it’s a mask of Lyndon/Nate. Oh yeah, also in my version the person pulling the masks off is Emily and she’s doing it while simultaneously scissoring with Paige. I should probably be hired as a Pretty Little Liars writer. Instead, scary faux-Calalison runs off back through the Even More Tiny Hats Car.
Back over in the Revealing Secrets Car, Spencer returns to discovers only Garret’s mask. Oh yeah, and the Roofie-ing Joker!
FYI UNLESS YOU PLAN TO REUSE THIS COSTUME AT A RENFAIRE THIS SEEMS LIKE OVERKILL.
RJ (my new petname for the Roofie-ing Joker) tries unsuccessfully to kill Spencer via the classic Head Out The Train method, but Spencer fights back. I mean kind of– not very successfully. Much like not drinking in public, you think the Liars would have taken a self defense class or something. Unfortunately, Spencer doesn’t think to take a cue from Hanna and rip the goddamn mask off. Even with my life in danger, the curiosity would be killing me. Anyways just as RJ is going for Spencer’s jugular, Paige shows up in a soft butch blaze of glory and saves the day. Clearly Paige has been taking those self defense classes I was talking about. My fucking hero.
ARE CONFUSED ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS FOR EACH OTHER
The best part is how after nearly being killed both of their hair is still perfect. Spencer even still has her little veil on. Well Spencer’s hair is almost perfect, RJ managed to get one long red fingernail stuck in it.
GRATUITOUS SPENCER LUST MOMENT.
Just before parting ways Spencer thanks Paige, to which she replies, “It was a pleasure.” I know that they were trying to have a Spencer/Paige Reconciliation moment, but it was awkwardsauce. Hm. This scene lends itself to the idea that maybe Paige is dressed as Tuxedo Mask?
I’LL ALWAYS PROTECT YOU SAILOR MOON
Moonsweep back into the terrifying crate of death where Aria is tossing and turning. Aria can’t get out, but what she can do is go face to face with a cold dead Garret.
IT ACTUALLY TAKES ABOUT THREE TO FOUR HOURS FOR A BODY TO GET RIGOR MORTIS LIKE THIS.
Called it.
The Liars reconvene and Emily takes Paige into one of the compartments to update her on A and/or hug her with her legs. The Liars scurry off in one direction because this seems like a really good time to take a group bathroom trip. Paige walks off in the other direction to the Hipster Lesbian Car.
IF I’D KNOWN IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS I WOULD HAVE STARTED RIDING TRAINS A LONG TIME AGO.
There, she runs into The Dread Pirate Jennabert. Paige and Jenna express the usual mutual dislike as well as classic Pretty Little Liars sexual tension. No but seriously have we ever seen these two speak? Because Jenna acts like she’s got a big fat lesbian crush on Paige.
IT’S GETTING A LITTLE ANN BONNEY AND MARY READ IN HERE.
Back inside the crate of terror, Aria begins to hear a girl and a guy’s voices outside. They’re saying things like “push” and “I can’t” and “get back over here.” Plus the crate starts to move. I think we’re supposed to believe some As are arguing over whether or not to push the crate out of the train, but I like to think it was just some high school students trying to bang on top of the crate. I mean, they’d be saying the same sort of stuff. Just as things are looking pretty bad for Aria, the Liars burst in to save the day in a nick of time. I mean, you didn’t seriously think they’d kill off a main character did you? No no no, only creepy older men and sexy bisexual girls die on this show.
THE LOCATION OF GARRET’S BODY WITHIN THE CRATE CHANGED NONSENSICALLY APPROXIMATELY EVERY 3.5 SECONDS
For a split second I had the terrifying thought that perhaps the girls were going to try to cover this up and then eventually get charged with Garret’s murder. Eck. Who has the energy for that.
Instead, we time jump to afterward with the Liars and all our favorite side characters in the Police Lockdown Car.
UNLESS THAT’S JUST A PARTY GOER IN A SUPER TROOPERS COSTUME
Spencer takes solace with Toby in a gross little hand-face snuggle moment. Weirdly, knowing that he’s on the A-team makes his character feel more tolerable. At least now we know he’s supported to come off like Voldemort. The Liars rehash what the actual fuck is going on. They agree that A got Garret out of jail to them kill him in some sort of NAT Club Death Ponzi Scheme, but disagree on the Aria’s dad being a creep-o factor. You never can tell with these things.
YOU TELL US, EMILY, HOW YOU’RE GOING TO SAVE THE DAY. I MEAN, YOU’RE THE ONE WEARING THE CAPE.
Just then, Ezra bursts in the car to hold Aria lovingly as though the car isn’t full of his former students. Think of how shocked Lucas must be? He’s probably thinking, “Holy shit! Mr. Fitz just kissed Aria! Maybe this means I have a shot with my hot Chemistry teacher!” For the love of God could the writers please pen Aria’s eighteenth birthday into the next episode so I can move on?
JUST GOT A STIFFY
Meanwhile Noel, Toby and Jason get themselves into a scuffle that results in Toby throwing Noel into a cooler of drinks. The best part is how the car is filled with police officers but none of them try to prevent the fight. The second best part is the look on Caleb’s face in the background like, “Yo. I just got shot. I don’t want anything to do with any of this. I just want to fuck my hotter than me girlfriend and call it a day.”
COME AT ME BRO!
Actually, the real best part is that the cooler spills out to reveal a body bag. One Ms. Alison’s body bag. Since Toby is an evil douche, and he caused the body to show up, you know that body is appearing just when A wanted and covered in faux evidence. I sort of can’t wait for this one.
SURPRISE!! THE BIG SECRET IS THAT THESE ARE ACTUALLY ALL DIAMONDS!
Back at Radley, Mona is safe and sound in bed. What a cute little psycho!
I THINK WE SHOULD MOVE IN TOGETHER. I THINK WE SHOULD ADOPT A CAT.
On the floor? That scary-ass Alison mask.
SSSMMOKIN!!
Oh but that’s not the cut-scene. Nope nope nope. It’s a flash-black to the place Alison was buried. Suddenly, one lone right hand with a beaded bracelet reaches up through the dirt.
JUST LIKE ON BUFFY
Welp. That was terrifying, but at least some stuff with Garret was wrapped up just in time to spark some new questions with a couple of new bodies. I’ll see you in January when Pretty Little Liars returns for the second half of the season. My predictions? Toby knocks Spencer up with his demon A seed causing Emily and Paige to adopt and raise the child, Caleb gets a haircut, Hanna gets Prom Queen and Aria finally asks herself “What the hell would a normal guy in his twenties be doing with a high-school senior?” Oh yeah, and Alison totally totally totally has that evil twin we’ve been waiting for.
Oh wait… maybe Paige was supposed to be a magician…
SHE CAN ABRA MY KADABRA ANY DAY.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO0h190oboE
Ok, I’m pretty sure Paige was Marlene Dietrich in Morocco and it made the film geek in me really happy. Watch the clip above till the end, it’s the first lesbian kiss in cinema! (I’m pretty sure.)
Bingo. I feel like every lesbian should know this. But who am I kidding, I have a framed Dietrich poster in my apartment. I’m clearly biased.
Paige is dressed as Marlene Dietrich, obvs.
This is the first PLL episode I’ve ever watched, after reading all of these recaps and wishing i owned a tv so I could pause the DVR on Emily all the time. PLL screensavers. It could be a thing, people.
Also, I’d been trying to come up with an appropriately gender-neutral name for my new Subaru, and at the end of the episode we decided on Spencer.
Gheeeeeeey.
I loved this episode. So full of surprises! So full of camp!
Pretty sure Jenna could have sexual tension with a chair. Girl just can’t help it.
Emily and Paige’s costumes are perfect. Weirdly enough they’re both costumes I’ve been wanting to make for a long time.
This episode was mildly terrifying (not so much mildly). Oh my gosh. When did this show get this scary?
Emily and Paige looked amazing. They make me like, squeal with giddy all the time. Ha. (Take that how you want.) Paige is just so fricken dapper. After she saved Spencer and said it was her pleasure, I was thinking she probably should have also tipped her hat and called her a “little lady.” It was that good.
The photo captions and roll-over text were absolutely hilarious – these are my favourite recaps in the history of ever.
“At night. On a weekend. On Halloween.”
Bad attempt by the show to explain his absence, or VERY SUSPICIOUS BEHAVIOUR?
Also, the girls really need to pull a Mad-Eye Moody and start bringing their own flasks to things. Then again, A did drug Emily’s personal cream, so I’m not sure if I’d even trust my own personal flask if I was them…
I’ve always said that if I was the girls, I’d hire the Olsen Twins to solve this mystery. Handwriting analysis, footprints, a couple interviews, and the Olsen Twins would have A revealed in a week, tops.
Or Ghostwriter. Ghostwriter and his team would get this shit solved.
THIS! Heck, I bet even Steve from Blues Clues might have a better time of it!
The girls have so many samples of A’s handwriting… do they not realize that they can USE this? Or at the very least, realize that more than one person is writing these notes?
Solve every crime by dinnertime.
Those were the best books.
Remember those cards you could tear out so you could solve your own mysteries? I really want to reach through the TV and give the handwriting analysis one to the Liars.
This episode could have been a 45-minute slideshow of Paige as Marlene Dietrich and Spencer as Lauren Bacall, and I would have been happy.
Normally, I only have eyes for Shay Mitchell, but Troian Bellisario looked GORGEOUS this episode. She should wear that costume all the time.
Ali obviously has a twin. Every single clue leads to it. I think Ali thought she killed her twin (or the twin tried to kill her, was institutionalized and busted out like in the story from last Halloween?) and the twin started blackmailing her before killing her. I think Garrett caught video of the twin and figured out what was going on, which may be why he hid Ali (or was it Ali’s twin?)
Also, I think the joker was supposed to be the Queen of Hearts (like Mona’s card in an earlier episode) which I think is a reference to the twin, though I don’t think she was in the costume (hence the man-sized fake nail.)
My theories: Twin Ali is the main “A”. Mona is just under her. Toby is Mona’s thug, basically. We know Lucas is somehow involved because someone in the baby costume (which Garrett wore) handed him a note about the train in the official webshow (perhaps it was Garrett and Lucas is trying to solve the mystery, too? Hence all the pictures? I wouldn’t be surprised if he was being regularly blackmailed by A). I think Spencer’s dad knows more than he’s letting on. I also think CeeCee is much more suspicious than they’re portraying her, as are the Khans.
I would love Ezra to be on the A team, mostly because his character is so detached from the main storyline. It would be an amazing twist if he’d been the joker/queen. His reason for not going on the train was laughable and he got to that train pretty quick. I think he was on the train the whole time.
I think the hand at the end is either a flashback to Ali being buried alive, proving perhaps that she wasn’t killed in the woods or the ghost girl (a young Ali, the one who was killed). I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Ali was killed and buried in her yard and the Ali at the sleepover, who was dating Ian and who is in the videos, was the twin. The entire N.A.T club could have been the original A team, working for the twin to take out Ali (Jenna was awfully quick to ask if Ali was dead when Garrett hit the tree.)
Obviously I have all the feels for this show. Can’t wait to see what happens next!
Also, all I want out of life is Spencer in that dress asking me if I know how to whistle.
Right? I nearly died.
It’s funny that you called Noel and Jenna Team Rocket because I spent the whole episode thinking that Ashley was dressed as Nurse Judy from Pokemon.
Also, fun fact! The name on Ali’s body bag read ‘Charon & Sons Funeral Directors’, and Charon is the ferryman in Greek mythology that escorted the dead across the River Styx on their way to the Underworld. Yay for Classics nerds.
I thought the same thing but I didn’t want to nerd out too hard and honestly “Sexy nurses” make me super uncomfortable.
I’m just going to say it, I do not like paige and emily. I feel better now.
Liz, your sentiments capturing the reveal of Emily’s Barbarella costume were fucking perfect. Ice cubes and all.
(Otherwise, this episode was creepy as fuck!)
I’ve missed these recaps so much Lizz, you totally rock! I just laughed/giggled my way through this. :)
Emily was just, wow. And if I was in Paige’s place I’d think I was dreaming too. I liked Paige’s costume, but wouldn’t it have been great if it was her that went as James Dean? Talk about needing ice cubes.
I loved this episode! Of course, I usually love all Halloween TV shows. Now we’ve got another long wait for more recapping goodness. Boo!
“Flash over to where our second favorite lesbian couple, Caleb and Hannah,..”
:’D
pfahahahaahaha
#!
Best part: I was watching with a friend who had never seen it before. In the scene where Caleb/Hanna are making out, she was like “Lesbian make-out scene!!!” until I pointed out Caleb is a guy. Then the actual lesbian make-out scene was pretty disappointing.
That’s hilarious.
Lindsey Shaw actually nailed the Marlene Dietrich thing. Down to the walking around with the hand in the pocket, the posture etc. It was impressive.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jO0h190oboE
That link is a scene of Marlene Dietrich in Morocco, btw. Not something random or sketchy. Although I have random sketchy links too if you guys want that!
Ack!! My apologies for not knowing that Paige was Marlene Dietrich. Times are tough.
in my dreams, Paige and Emily solve the case and get a spin-off lady detective show. solvin’ crime and lookin’ fine.
I am way way late to the Ghost Train Party party, but I’ve only recently discovered these GLORIOUS recaps. Anyway, I know a thing! The awkward scene between Aria and Glambert where she writes her name on the window is a reference to the Hitchcock film The Lady Vanishes. (The writers of PLL think pretty highly of themselves.)
I’ve never read your stuff before, but I just read this post, and I just wanted to let you know that you’re hilarious! Keep up the awesome work, I loved reading this!
PS Jolie said Aria writing on the window is a reference to The Lady Vanishes, which it is. Kinda like the cafe is called Rear Window…and that is a Hitchcock movie all about voyeurism…kinda like PLL is all about voyeurism haha There must be a big Hitchcock fan on the PLL writing team!
I forgot another Hitchcock reference!
The Lost Woods Resort is clearly reminiscent of Bates Motel…