They tail him out into the woods to this gated house, and the whole time Ezra and Aria are just blah blah blah who is Andrew. (Because Ezra sees a text from him on Aria’s phone because all the men on this show help themselves to reading Aria’s phone.) They blah blah blah about it for so long that they miss the part of the stakeout where they arrive at the house and Emily gets out of the car and rushes through the gate on foot. They get trapped outside.
Emily rolls her eyes and tells them to find another way in if they can, she guesses, or whatever.
Things are going pretty good for Spencer in London. She hated the modern retelling of Hamlet but she’s old enough to order beer legally in the United Kingdom. And oh, she does! She orders and drinks and orders and drinks and orders and drinks drinks drinks. And then she plays some darts with Colin. Spencer sure does like to get drunk and intense with British men. Remember when she danced for Wren that time? They play darts until they can’t stand up anymore and then they stumble home in the rain and make out in Colin’s apartment. Spencer smartly decides to call it a night before things get too horizontal. (ALSO TOBY IS STILL YOUR BOYFRIEND SHUT IT DOWN.)
Things are not going pretty good for Ali in jail. Somebody ransacks her room and scrawls on the wall that she should take the plea deal. And then when she’s ironing (???) the jail uniforms, a girl glares menacingly at her. And then she gets so freaked out by something that she screams like a banshee! Turns out she was getting tortured by the glaring girl with her own iron! When that’s over, she calls her lawyer and asks if taking the plea deal for first degree murder means she can get to a “safer jail.” Um. No, Ali. Probably not.
This whole time, Ezra and Aria are wandering aimlessly through the woods looking for a way to help Emily’s who is still trapped inside the gated mansion.
Aria: I think we should split up.
Ezra: #EndOfEzria?!?!?
Aria: Well, yeah, but I just meant in the forest right now so maybe one of us can find a way past the gate.
Ezra: I heard you got into SCAD.
Aria: Yup.
Ezra: Have you ever been to Savannah?
Aria: No, Ali’s grandma lived real close by in Hilton Head, though, so I’m looking forward to four years of finding doll heads washed up all over the beach.
They are useless when they are teamed up together. Aria has been dang Nancy Drew this season without him around! While the lawyer is inside his house, Emily roots around in his trash and finds a pizza receipt for Varjak, who ordered one large pizza, one salad, and one order of garlic bread. She snatches the receipt, knocks over all the trash cans, waits for the lawyer to leave, then scoots out the gate behind him before it closes again.
Outside, she explains to Ezra and Aria about the receipt and about how Mona’s lawyer is also Varjak’s lawyer and was inside the house packing up Varjak’s gold bars and hand grenades.
Jailhouse.
Veronica: What?
Ali: I called you here to — hang on one second, the bandages covering my horrific injuries have slipped. Okay, there were go. I have called you hear to ask if you think I should take the plea bargain.
Veronica: And live the rest of your life knowing you put Hanna, the most innocent of all you guys, behind bars?
Ali: If I tell the truth, I go to jail for life. If I lie, I got to jail for ten years. Do you see how fucked this all is and how come I had to fake my own death in the first place?
Veronica: Look, whatever, I am only doing this so Spencer can get into college.
Caleb shows up at Hanna’s with some shitty news. Toby told Caleb that Tanner told him that she was getting a warrant for Hanna’s arrest. Hanna’s got two options: Run for it (she’s savvy, but wouldn’t last a week on the streets like Ali had to do), or come completely clean about all the A stuff. She’s got all the texts on her phone, right? All she has to do is show those texts to Tanner and everything will be okay! Hanna is stressed to the max and doesn’t remember that they tried this plan a hundred times in season one and it always made things worse, so she agrees to turn herself in.
Guess what happens when she gets to the police department and asks to see Tanner? Mmm hmm. A deletes all the texts off of her phone and all the other Liars’ phones, talking about, “Let’s start over!” Whoops! If only there had been other, physical evidence A’s existence! Or if only they knew how THE CLOUD WORKS.
Aria and Emily get the call that Hanna has been arrested, so they call Spencer, who tries to get on a jet plane and come home and fix everything, but — surprise! — her mom and Melissa have been lying to her about St. Andrew’s, even though Melissa just pinky-promised to stop lying. There’s no St. Andrew’s interview. They only said that so she wouldn’t know Melissa is holding her hostage. She can’t go home to Rosewood because if she does she’ll end up in jail for sure.
Aria and Ezra breakup for real while Emily calls Tony’s to prank Varjak with 100 anchovy pizzas.
And Hanna is in jail. She walks the jail walk and glares at Ali when she passes by her cell. But Ali is just as surprised as anyone that Hanna is in there. Tanner issued that warrant because she found Hanna’s blood on Mona’s clothes, but neither of them know that yet.
Thanks to Nicole (@PLLBigA) for the screencaps and for being the best and for sharing her actual Big A theories with me. I hope she’s right!
