The next day, Proclone Rachel watches as Paul sets up a meet with Sarah.
I want a cheesy crust pizza and enough cinnamon sticks to choke a donkey
But Sarah is too smart for Rachel’s bullshit, so she has a skater give Paul a burner phone so they can talk unmonitored. She finds out that Rachel will be getting on a plane with Kira tomorrow, but she’ll be at the big Dyad party that night. Also, her henchman Daniel is coming after her.
Well, my refrigerator is running just fine, thanks for asking
Prince Albert in a can? What the fuck does that mean?!
Said henchman Daniel goes to chase down Sarah in the skate park, but he’s fooled by a skater girl who tells him that Sarah says “up yours!”. Sarah is better at this spy shit than actual spies.
And by “yours” she means your butt hole, get it?
Doesn’t get it
Sarah hops on a bus and borrows a child’s cell phone to call Cosima and Felix. The kid asks to touch her boob, which…get in line, kid.
No, I don’t wanna buy weed from you, I was hoping you’d just give it to me.
How I feel when Paul is on screen
Felix and Cosima are sharing a joint at his apartment, and Cosima wants to go to the Dyad party to find some answers.
What do you mean this is indica?! I have a research paper due!
Sidebar: I love that they portray Cosima as a brilliant, accomplished scientist who also enjoys recreational weed. More of this, please.
Do I have any Fruit Roll-Up in my teeth?
Meanwhile, Allison hits up her connection Ramone, who is a young guy working at Economart. Turns out that Ramone sells all manner of drugs in addition to guns. What an enterprising youth.
Welcome to Drugs Mart, how may I service you?
I’m looking for something that says “mom likes leather.”
Delphine goes to Dyad to see Dr. Leekie, who remains creepy as fuck. She brings him Cosima’s blood sample AND refers to her by her bar code number, which is way harsh Tai. She says she’s invested and wants to help Cosima.
Look, I know that scissoring wasn’t in your job description, but…
Dr. Leekie wants Cosima working for them, and Delphine assures him she’s on it. He tells her to be careful playing for the other team, which is a pretty solid gay/double agent joke. He also seems upset that Cosima is scared of them. Here’s a thought: be less creepy and stalkery and maybe she won’t be so terrified!
I have to go, Cosima needs me to pick up 45 candles
Waiting for the new Crash pad clip to buffer
We jump over to Allison’s community theatre rehearsal, which is a delight. Since Ainsley got viciously murdered by her own garbage disposal, Allison will be taking over in the lead role. She starts singing and dancing about dead bodies and plasma. What kind of fucking musical is this?! (It’s Blood Ties apparently).
Seriously doubting her commitment to Sparkle Motion
Allison, it’s Hair, I thought you were on board with full frontal
Art, Beth’s police partner, walks in and sees Allison rehearsing.
Nice props work, ladies
Allison does her best Suzanne impression for “Orange is the Black: The Musical”
Art goes out to his new partner Angela (aka Bo’s mom on Lost Girl), who spots Sarah walking to the theatre. They stop her and arrest her.
Normally I’d be all about getting handcuffed by a succubus, but I have work to do
Allison sees Sarah getting arrested, and scuttles back inside with her contraband gun.
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OH MY GOD THANK YOU FOR STARTING TO RECAP THIS SHOW. i love it. im sure this will be far less painful to recap than glee.
What I didn’t like was the bi-erasure, the show is so good, so I hope they steer clear from messing anything up. You have Felix calling Cosima and Delphine lesbians, when Delphine has made it clear that she is attracted to men as well, and Tatiana already said that she could already feel Cosima’s bisexuality during interviews. It just makes Dr. Leekie telling Delphine to be careful playing for the other team sounds controlling and not a joke. Crossing my fingers they don’t do that again.
Yes Orphan Black recaps! Yes Chelsea! Yes Autostraddle!
(Ok, I’ll calm down and actually read it now.)
Autostraddle recaps yay! I will have a proper response when I get home but for now, yay!
Yeah!! Autostraddle and Orphan Black!!!!! – most of my favorite things in one article.
*sigh* Cosima *swoons dramatically* be still my beating heart….
Also I feel like Ramone also flirted with Allison, so can we not ignore the fact that there is probably a bisexual side character this season pleasee
Does anyone else think that the song riff they play every time Helena’s character is onscreen sounds just like the opening of Toxic by Britney? I get that dang song stuck in my head every time Helena is creeping around.
YES I DO I THINK THAT
Omg it’s true, I am laughing so much at this LOL
I hate when they play that sound though.
Yes! Me too!
YES. Also the people Pop Culture Happy Hour just did an Orphan Black episode and echoed that experience! as well as also noting that Dollhouse would have been so much better with Tatiana Maslany in the lead role and that Paul is a total Riley Finn, which are gripes my girlfriend has been hearing repeatedly for the last year.
Thank you thank you thank you Chelsea. This recap’s existence improved a stupidly shitty day I’ve been having. I don’t have time to fully read this yet but you can expect me to leave at a minimum 27 comments on each recap.
small correction though: they are Korean businessman, not Japanese
1) orphan black recaps on autostraddle? yes please
2) orphan black recaps written be none other than my favourite high femme chelsea?! fuck yes please.
3) “if these two kiss i’m gonna throw up in my mouth”
According to the word of god Cosima (aka dreadlocks adorkable clone) is not gayer than a handbag full of rainbows, she’s bisexualer:
“John and Graeme had mentioned to me early on that Cosima was bisexual, and I could feel it in the writing even when it wasn’t explicit. I feel like she identifies as bisexual, and very much understands her sexuality as a spectrum from a scientific viewpoint. I think Cosima just loves people. I think she feels love for a lot of different kinds of people.” – Tatiana Maslany
Source: http://www.afterellen.com/tatiana-maslany-gives-us-the-scoop-on-the-orphan-black-clones-and-cosimas-bisexuality/05/2013/
I was hoping Autostraddle would start recapping Orphan Black! Thank you to whoever had this brilliant idea!!
*So happy to have OB recaps on here at AS! Wootwoot!
*The captions are funny! ^_^
*I also thought Leekie and Proclone Rachel will really kiss and I was scared and grossed out BUT if Ramon[e] and Felix hook up, then that’ll be nice for Fee, hehe :D
*The dialogue between Leekie and Delphine:
Leekie: “Where is Cosima?”
Delphine: “Where you want her to be” *IN MY BED*
LOL
*Tatiana Maslany speaking German, and then plays all the clones with their own personalities and accents, AND THEN SHE SINGS? Like, WOW, biological goldmine!
*I LOLed at Baby Helena’s line while she was bleeding out and can barely walk “Excuse me? My Seestra shot me” and then passes out
*Long live the #cloneclub !!!
I haven’t even read this recap yet but i just had to scroll down and comment straight away that i am SO excited and happy that you will be recapping Orphan Black! Cosima love.
Great recap. So excited you’re recapping Orphan Black.
I’ve watched the episode three times and I’m not tired of it yet.
I love how well they mix intense drama with dark comedy, especially with Allison. I was crying from laughter at the musical (“Wipe, wipe, wipe away the plasmaaaaaaaaaaaa!), and then I pretty much hyperventilated when Rachel’s people tried to take her while she blew on her BEDAZZLED whistle and tried to blind them with what I’m only assuming was aerosol deodorant or air freshener.
That scene wouldn’t (or shouldn’t) have been hilarious on any other show, but that’s Orphan Black for you.
Oh man, this recap is fab. “Felix is tripping balls and rocking some assless chaps, so he’s basically me on a Tuesday” nearly had me do a spit-take when I read it.
(If I could be a tad pedantic though, from what I’ve seen Alison’s name is actually only spelt with one L)
…you guys, it’s real:
http://bloodtiesthemusical.ca/
As a former musical theatre major, I just about DIED when Alison started performing with that mop or whatever. Can’t believe this musical is actually real.. Ha.
Chelsea you wonderful brilliant hilarious thing you! This is fantastic!
Autostraddle recaps of Orphan Black Yes! I’m so glad this show is getting recapped now I have something else to look forward after each new episode.
Also “If these two kiss I’m gonna throw up in my mouth” exactly how i felt watching that scene.
This. Made. My. Life.
I’m in the middle of techs for a show that makes me want to repeatedly bang my head against a wall, so this WAY improved my week. So much fun.
I was a little worried there was going to be a bit of a let down when the show came back because it’s been dissected so thoroughly on like tumblr, but that tiny bit of worry was immediately doused with the diner scene.
Sarah as Cosima was brilliant, and Delphine caught on to Sarah as Cosima a hell of a lot quicker than Paul did when Sarah imitated Beth.
Delphine does has the advantage of knowing that Cosima has “genetic identicals”
Allison’s house is actually my cousin’s house in real life (except the basement and craft room)! Apparently they only did one day of filming for season 2 there.
What I like about this show is that they can have more than 1 queer character being shown at a time (unlike some other shows we all know).
Yes! Autostraddle + Orphan Black! So good!
Dying at the idea of Alison and Helena singing Defying Gravity (or anything, really) together.
Also “my seestra shot me” was the best!
This is literally everything I have ever wanted in my life wrapped up in one neat post. SO glad you’re recapping Orphan Black!
Super excited about Orphan Black recaps on Autostraddle! Now I can process all my clone-related feelings here in addition to trying to get other people hooked on the show…
I marathoned this show a while back and became completely addicted. The only thing better than the second season starting is having Autostraddle recaps.
Yay I’m so glad you’re recapping this Chelsea! Love this show!
It was such a great season opener. Really good choice to have it pick up exactly where Ssn 1 left off and keep going non-stop. One of my favorite things about the show is that it’s so unpredictable. I really have no idea what will happen next and you can’t say that with many shows.
“How I feel when Paul is on screen”
YES. My feelings EXACTLY.
Does anybody else thoroughly enjoy the friendship between Felix and Alison?
AS recapping OB? HELL YES.
May I humbly ask that Chelsea go back and recap season 1?
Perhaps when season 2 ends and we have an excruciating wait for season 3?
Seems like I chose the perfect time to get into this show ^_^
The fiancee and I are OBSESSED with this show, started watching last week, are already on S2E4. This recap was perfect, the picture captions made me snort while I read this at my desk at work. I also humbly request S1 recaps.