At the police station, Helena is handcuffed to a bench and asking for her boyfriend. The guys aren’t pressing charges, so she’ll be free to go. The cop tells her that her sister is there to pick her up, but its not Sarah, it’s Gracie.
Fuck the police!
Helena recognizes Gracie’s lip scars and tells her she’ll heal. Gracie admits she tried to kill her, but now she just wants her to come home. Helena says that Sarah needs her, but Gracie tells her Sarah isn’t coming. She tells Helena she wants to take her to her babies. Hank has made her eggs whole and sees something beautiful in her.
But how do you live?
No fucks to give!
Helena wants the chance to be a mother, and goes willingly with Belt Buckle and Gracie. She takes Jesse’s hat and demands to be taken to her babies. Helena is really breaking my heart in this episode.
Heavenly Father blessed this trucker hat just for you.
Sarah calls Art from the car and asks him to take care of Helena. Dammit Sarah, leave no clone behind! Although since she has like, a million warrants out for her arrest, it’s probably best to stay away from the po-po. Felix finds a medical record for Andrew Peckham that they can use to track Duncan’s whereabouts.
Moment of appreciation for Felix’s pants.
Back at Dyad, Delphine and Scott talk about the stem cells. They aren’t tagged with copyrights, which means they came from a female relative of the clones. Delphine begs Scott not to say anything to Cosima.
Also, don’t tell her about that burrito I ate. We’re supposed to be doing a juice cleanse.
Alison and Vic are making nametags for Family Day, and Vic goes outside to smoke. He gets in the car with Ange… turns out Vic’s been giving her info on Alison in exchange for his charges being dropped. I bet he’s not even Buddhist!
Masturbating with my left hand isn’t easy, but nothing good is.
Ambisextrous? Interesting.
Meanwhile, Sarah has tracked down Duncan. She knocks on his door and guess who opens it? Mrs. S, sporting a gun and a cute beanie. Never change, Mrs. S.
Sarah, I’ve been playing “who’s at the door” since before Riese was born.
Sarah and Mrs. S argue in Duncan’s house, which is basically a hoarding situation. Sarah is pissed that Mrs. S has been lying her entire life, and Mrs. S tells her that she also got caught up in a struggle she didn’t ask for. The only difference is, Mrs. S has been doing it a lot longer at Sarah, which is why she is so much better at it.
I don’t have to explain myself or this bonkers sweater to anyone!
Before Sarah can acknowledge this sick burn, she demands to know where Duncan is. Mrs. S has been hiding him and keeping him safe in exchange for info on Cold River experiments. Dyad has been after them both ever since. Sarah finally meets Duncan, who is a pained-looking older man. He offers her tea, but Sarah is in no mood.
Anyone else disappointed he’s not covered in feathers?
She asks Duncan why they were created, and he tells her they were looking for proof of concept. The military recruited them in 1976, and they succeeded in cloning embryos. But once the military was done with them, Dyad hijacked the project and made them continue. Duncan says that once they went too far, it was hard not to go all the way. They wanted to make little girls so they did.
Sarah debates accepting tea from the filthiest kitchen ever.
Paul pulls up outside Duncan’s house and Mrs. S goes out to meet him. Sarah tells Duncan that those little girls are all grown up and are real people now. He asks if she’s met Rachel, and she tells him she’s a real bitch. He begs to see her, but Sarah is like, why would I help you?
So did you engineer Rachel to be such a bitch or was that nurture?
Mrs. S offers Paul some tea and a deal. He tells her he was sent by Dyad, and she tells him that Dyad is a hydra (hail hydra!). Mrs. S recognizes that Paul is trapped in his position. She tells him he’ll have to go through her to get to Sarah, and that he’ll have to go through them both to get to Duncan.
Look kid, if I can’t make your character interesting, no one can.
She also knows about Afghanistan, because she knows everything apparently. She tells Paul they could be friends, and an alliance starts brewing. She also has biscuits in her pocket! She is the perfect woman.
Why do you have so many Valpak coupons!?!
Sarah asks Duncan if his family with Rachel was ever real or just an experiment. Duncan tells her it was both: he was her father and her monitor. He says that Dyad isn’t even the enemy, it’s the neolutionists inside Dyad, namely Dr. Leekie. Sarah demands that he help the clones, that’s he’s responsible for them.
They just keep sending them to me, I can’t stop it!
Sarah tells him that the little girls he made are dying, and he’s the only one who can help. Duncan tells her that he tried to expose the whole program, but Leekie killed Rachel’s mother and has been hunting him down ever since. Dundundun!
My face when I realized I had to do two recaps.
This takes us to the next episode, where Vic and Alison are in rehab discussing Aynsley. Alison tells him that Aynsley always acted so superior, and she had it coming. When Vic presses her, she tells him that she banged Aynsley’s husband.
Look, I’m not saying it’ll work, but we may as well try snorting this glitter, right?
Vic tells her she’s brave for sharing, and she feels good about it. Also, she let her choke to death. Vic’s face is priceless, as he realizes the woman he’s crafting with is a murderer. Alison feels relieved and unburdened to confess, but Vic is stunned.
Come on, just one junior mint!
What do you think this is, a Glee recap?!
Also, she made him gloves with a missing pinky because she cares. Never change, you beautiful butterfly.
You snitch, these gloves will need a lot less fingers.
Sarah and Mrs. S are trying to get Duncan to leave his house, but he won’t go until he finds a red box. This is a pretty difficult task considering his house is literally a pile of garbage. Mrs. S and Sarah try to figure out who they should side with, Dr. Leekie or Rachel, but neither of them seem safe. They agree to divide and conquer. Duncan is psyched to discover his chapstick. Little victories, y’all.
If I uncover one more cat skeleton, I’m gonna lose my fucking mind.
Back at rehab, Alison overhears Vic on the phone to Ange. He plans to tell her everything, and Alison looks panicked. She made those gloves for nothing!
But we played basketball together!
Over in Cal and Kira’s Camper, Cal is doing research on Dyad. He figures out that Dyad hacked his computer and is tracking him. I’m no computer expert, but I think his best plan would be to throw that laptop out the Winnebago and drive away.
The files are INSIDE the computer? It’s so simple!
Back at Duncan’s petri dish of a house, Sarah finds the red box. Cal calls her and tells her about the hacking. She’s worried, but he assures her he’s thrown them off the trail.
Sweet, free calculator!
Mrs. S wants to know who has Kira, but Sarah doesn’t trust her. Mrs. S still feels responsible for Kira, and for Sarah really.
Back at Dyad, Cosima lies back on an examining table as the stem cells are implanted in her uterus. Delphine is holding her hand and kissing her; the whole scene is shot like a love scene.
Bow chicka bowWOW THAT SPECULUM IS COLD
I think the message here is that invasive surgery is much better when a hot French girl is there to nuzzle you.
Nuzzles brought to you by socialized medicine.
Alison calls Felix in the middle of the night in a panic. She’s terrified that Vic will rat her out to Ange, and she’ll go to prison for killing Aynsley. Alison says she doesn’t have the temperament for prison, because if anyone tries to touch her in the shower she’ll cut a bitch. This strikes me as the exact temperament for prison, but whatever.
But I don’t want to be Piper, I want to be Alex!
Sweetie, we all wanna be Alex. Get in line.
I think Alison would thrive in prison. She’d make like Red on OITNB and have that place wired within a week.
Cal and Sarah meet up at the docks. Cal wants to know what the story is with all these aunties Kira keeps drawing, but Sarah assures him it’s just an overactive imagination. He invites her into the camper, and they are sweet and flirtatious and all is good.
I’m just gonna level with you here…
Kira’s a shitty artist.
Back at Dyad, Paul reports to Dr. Leekie. He tells him the Prolethians took Helena, and Sarah didn’t lead him to Duncan. Looks like Paul is now playing on Team Mrs. S. Dr. Leekie is working on developing synthetic amniotic fluid and artificial wombs as a hobby.
But what do you think of my new desktop?
Paul’s hobby is pottery. UGH PAUL, EVEN YOUR HOBBY IS BORING (JK, pottery is a legitimate activity, please don’t come after me in the comments, pottery enthusiasts). Dr. Leekie tells Paul he needs to meet with Marion Bowles. So that’s a thing that will happen.
My specialty was handcrafted ashtrays, but with everybody vaping now I have a surplus. #potteryprobs
Back at the hoarder house, Duncan takes some disks from the red box and tells Sarah and Mrs. S that they contain everything. Maybe the cure to clone sickness?
Floppy disks? Is there a time machine buried here as well?
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Can I just give a shout out to Mrs. S’s Pussy Riot jumper!
Yay mega-recap! I’ve been looking forward to this.
Things I loved in these episodes:
– Helena singing. More of that please.
– Cosima actually called Delphine a puppy.
– Alison’s method of expressing her current feelings towards Donnie: non-decorated name tag. BURN.
– Mrs. S is not only a badass, but a badass with a thermos and some biscuits in her pocket. She is the whole package.
Present thing I’m worrying about: Cosima’s going to be okay, right? They won’t kill her. Right??
Okay so that stem cell scene was way too weird. Delphine just kept asking “can you feel that?” and like sex and stem cells shouldn’t go well together? Or maybe they should? I don’t know, I had a lot of conflicting thoughts about getting hot and heavy while someone has a speculum in their vag.
Also, Art and Felix are my new headcanon and I need it to become a Real Thing.
Right? I just said “this is so weird” over and over through the whole exam. If I was Cosima, I don’t know that I would be able to think of kissing my girlfriend the same after that.
I thought that Delphine was asking Cosima “Can you feel that?” because she was numb from the anaesthetic they gave her. And she was kissing her and nuzzling her to comfort her and distract her from the (probably very uncomfortable and definitely very scary) procedure. I didn’t read it as a sex thing, more of a romantic and comforting thing thing. But that’s just how I saw that scene.
I think that’s exactly what was happening. Granted, that doesn’t totally eliminate the weird juxtaposition between very clinical science thingy and romantically kissing your girlfriend, but I guess their relationship has never been cut and dry. After all, Cosima is the scientist and the subject and Delphine is the girlfriend, the other scientist, and the monitor.
Excellent recaps (and a tall task)!
I feel like I’m going to get my ladyqueer card revoked for this, but I was kind of excited that Cosima told Delphine to get lost. I really want to see this chemistry, but I don’t. Delphine bores me to tears. Am I the only one?
Does anyone else feel like some of the supporting cast is too similar-looking on this show? I get a lot of the white dudes confused and now I’m confused about Ange and Marian.
You are not alone—I’m not really seeing the chemistry, either.
Also, Ange is stupid and annoying and not a very good actor. Marian is MICHELLE MOTHER-FREAKIN’ FORBES and she is AWESOME and more badass and hotter. So there’s that. Though I will grant you that there are now 3 brown-haired white ladies in their 40s/50s. I think the solution is to get rid of Ange and then have Siobhan and Marian mud-wrestle their way to the top.
Thank GAWD! I missed the recaps so much. Never leave us again.
(Or do, because you have a life and all.) But seriously: the recaps are probably 25% of my enjoyment of the show. Thank you for your public service.
As an engineer I cannot confirm the poking with a stick theory! Normally engineers have 90 slide PowerPoints to explain what they may or may not know.
That pottery crack is one thing, but sociology?? YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR! ;)