“Because it’s so difficult to ignore. The late political philosopher Joel Feinberg’s “offense principle” offers one persuasive theory for why nudity is illegal. Feinberg argued that an act need not be objectively harmful to merit prohibition—it need only produce an unpleasant mental state such as shame, disgust, or anxiety in observers. Plenty of obnoxious but legal behaviors, like chewing with an open mouth or failure to bathe, can create the same reaction, but Feinberg claimed that nudity has a unique ability to demand our attention. He wrote, “The unresolved conflict between instinctual desires and cultural taboos leaves many people in a state of unstable equilibrium and a readiness to be wholly fascinated, in an ambivalent sort of way, by any suggestion of sexuality in their perceptual fields.” We are drawn ineluctably toward the sexual suggestiveness of the naked body, Feinberg argued, then ashamed of our own reaction.”
“I’ll always remember the first time I was okay with admitting to myself that I like my sex freaky; the first time I allowed myself to acknowledge that, sometimes, I even like my sex public. I walked through an ominous set of doors anticipating delights of debauchery the likes of which I’d only conjured up in my lewdest and most wanton dreams.
I walked in and checked my coat, my attitude, my insecurities, my apologies. I left all my myths, misconceptions and miseducation at the door. I gave that night the opportunity to paint a new picture on my sexual canvas. I opened myself up and committed to whatever was about to go down, following the proverbial white rabbit down the hole, and never looked back.”
“The act of discovery is sexy. I’m quite fond of wearing lingerie under regular clothes because I love the moment when my girlfriend realizes that I’m wearing something a little out of the ordinary. The fact that you look “normal” on the outside can be a boon if you are planning on going anywhere (such as dinner) or you just want to feel confident that only you know your secret until things are already getting a little more intimate. Then, the act of undressing becomes more like an adventure. Besides, it definitely has that “plainclothes superhero” thing going for it. Clothes that go well over lingerie: structured dresses, pencil skirts, blouses.”
“Don’t overthink it. (We know, that’s like telling you not to think about a pink elephant — suddenly all you can picture is a pink elephant!) Every expert we’ve ever spoken with about female sexual function agrees that you should do your best to ignore your orgasm. Don’t be goal-oriented, just enjoy the sensations as they happen. This takes the pressure off, paving the way for your orgasm. Focus on what you’re feeling in the moment — muscle tension, a change in your breathing, your desire to thrust or writhe — rather than where you’re hoping to wind up.”
via meinmyplace.com
+ A survey of 244 people revealed 237 reasons why people have sex (pdf). The number one reason for women was “I was attracted to the person,” followed by physical pleasure, to show affection or love, and for fun. Other reasons include for adventure, curiosity, to feel loved, because the other person was a good kisser, because the other person was intelligent, “the opportunity presented itself,” to “improve my sexual skills” and because it was a special occasion.
“Porn actresses had higher levels of self-esteem, positive feelings, social support, sexual satisfaction, and spirituality compared to the matched group. Female performers were [also] more likely to have ever used 10 different types of drugs compared to the comparison group. […] “The characteristics of porn actresses have been largely assumptive, although much debate has surrounded the issue. Perhaps this study can provide some information that can be used to make informed decisions regarding porn actresses, rather than rely on stereotypes from sources lacking empirical data.”
According to a new study by U of M’s Terri Conley, reported by Pacific Standard, the sexual double standard is alive and kicking. Women who have casual sex are still perceived to be “more promiscuous, less intelligent, less mentally healthy, less competent and more risky” than men who do the same. The silver lining is that all those sexist judgments comprising the slut stigma are the reason women are less likely to accept offers of casual sex. In other words, sluts aren’t sluts because they’re slutty. They’re only slutty relative to the prudes who act prude because they’re afraid of looking like a slut!
“There’s an overwhelming social narrative which says that anything other than monogamous life partnership is wrong or invalid. This discourages people from developing skills to nurture healthy long-term non-primary relationships. It also makes it easy for people who have (or desire) a primary partner to unilaterally write their non-primary partners out of the script, or at least recast them as threats or minor characters, when uncomfortable issues arise. This is why, very often, non-primary partners get summarily axed or shafted when a pre-existing primary partner gets insecure, or when a non-primary partner decides they want a primary relationship (with you or someone else).”
Group massage follows the group masturbation ritual – we’ve all had orgasms – so there’s no sexual tension in anyone’s touch. It’s not sexual at all. There’s more of a reverential spirit here. One of the woman described the experience as feeling worshipped through touch. And that’s exactly how it feels. You don’t know who is touching you where…you just feel the hands slide up and down your body. Your toes…you legs…your arms…hands…your fingers…your entire body is massaged.
“Good or bad? Choose a side, this question demands. Either you think porn is an evil force oppressing women the world over, or it’s a source of empowerment for our entire gender. The debate leaves little daylight for individual women to ask themselves the most important question: What turns you on?
Of course, we can go deeper than that. (And harder!…Just kidding.) We can ask ourselves, why do I like what I like? What has shaped my ideas of sexuality? What effect do my sexual tastes and preferences have on the people I sleep with — and the people I don’t, including those who may be actors in the very material that’s turning me on? These are questions that have to be answered individually, personally. The problem is that the wide-ranging high-level debate about porn heads straight for the proverbial money shot. Is most porn good or bad for women?”
via mysweetxxx.blogspot.com
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Ryan Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, The Daily Beast, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.
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Autostraddle & ForThem valiantly aim to produce top-tier media and products for queer and trans people overlooked by the mainstream. Join today to support an inclusive, expansive future.
For Them & Autostraddle exist to fill the gap in a world that overlooks queer and trans needs, offering products and media that honor expansive identities and celebrate authentic self-expression.
