Feature image of April Flores and Milcah Halili in Crash Pad episode 234. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are courtesy of Crash Pad Series and have been used with permission. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Stop worrying about the sex everyone else is having, writes Callie Little at Tonic:
“[W]hen people have sex with the emphasis on achieving goals—like orgasms, multiple sessions, or kink factor—it breeds these kinds of unpleasant feelings because we’re setting ourselves up for struggle and, ultimately, disappointment. Who wants to feel like sex is an AP Stat exam, anyway?
Your exhibitionist—and likely full-of-shit—friends aren’t helping either. “As Roosevelt said, ‘comparison is the thief of joy.’ Comparing the sex you’re having to some outside standard removes you from the interactions you’re actually having with your body and your partner. There is no such thing as objectively amazing sex. What one person thinks is amazing another might find repulsive. Similarly, there is no such thing as objectively boring sex,” [Powell] says.”
+ Get butterflies when you hold hands? Maybe check in with yourself to make sure that isn’t your fight-or-flight reaction sending you a warning about a disastrous situation that will blow up in your face:
“Anxiety and fear are major triggers of your ANS [autonomic nervous system], which is why looking at someone you’re falling for — a fearful experience for many — sets it off, too. Adrenaline kicks in, your blood starts pumping, and the blood rushes from your gut, giving you a fluttering sensation in your stomach.
My butterflies were basically my body’s way of telling me to run from the lion in front of me, because I sensed something in him that I should be afraid of. And Jean Fitzpatrick, LP, a premarital and marital therapist in NYC, says that this response is completely justified. “I think that the one thing we know is that, in order to be in a relationship, we have to make ourselves vulnerable, and that can create anxiety for a lot of people, especially if you don’t think the person in question necessarily deserves it,” she says.”
+ Want to know what to do if someone sends you a nude? Respond enthusiastically and immediately, don’t make requests, don’t get annoyed if the sender asks for permission, don’t interpret it as sexual invitation, and don’t make revenge porn, writes Alana Massey at Allure:
“When you receive a nude, your response should be both: (1) immediate, as there is no time for dilly-dallying when it comes to demonstrating your delight and (2) specific & thorough, meaning I don’t mean you need to write a sonnet about a butt or draw comparisons to the Botticelli, only that “Hot” or “Sexy” will not do. Emoji responses are acceptable so long as they are not in the singular form: a single eggplant or heart-eyed cat will not suffice. You must tell a story with the emojis, demonstrate a feeling, use a combination of suggestive foods, pleased faces, and at least one that indicates danger (fire, shooting stars, the red alarm).”
+ The solar eclipse was better than porn, according to PornHub data that show “U.S. traffic to Pornhub plummeted to some of the lowest levels we’ve seen in years,” with drops in nearly every state.
+ No partnered sex is totally safe sex, so use dental dams or condoms to make oral safer.
+ How real is zodiac compatibility?
+ Los Angeles! Next Sunday, learn about ergonomic roughhousing at the Pleasure Chest!
+ Stop trying to define cheating as an arbitrary line in the sand somewhere; “cheating-presenting behaviors become cheating only when mutually agreed-upon boundaries are broken,” write Maria Yagoda at Broadly.
+ Stop saying “I’m fine” when you’re not actually fine, okay?:
“’People adopt passive-aggressive behaviors because they feel unable to deal with conflict in a direct manner,’ Dr. Ludden says. Ultimately, a passive-aggressive partner is trying to communicate their needs to you, but they don’t feel safe doing it directly. Some people are just taught not to express their emotions from a young age, while others might resort to passive-aggressive behaviors because they don’t know how to respond appropriately when someone is upset or defensive, Dr. Ludden says. Either way, ‘you need to work with [your partner] in a supportive way to identify what the problem is and how to resolve it,’ he says.”
+ Abstinence-only sex education does not work according to a new study that piles on to a growing mass of evidence doing nothing to change the state of sex education in the United States. Notably, writes Kimberly Lawson, the study refers to sex ed as a basic human right:
“According to the review, published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, governments are obligated to provide its citizens, young and old, with the information they need to make informed decisions about their health. “Access to complete and accurate STI, HIV/AIDS, and reproductive and sexual health information has been recognized as a basic human right and essential to realizing the human right to the highest attainable standard of health,” the study states. In fact, numerous international treaties insist on it.”
