Feature image of Golden Curlz and Vivienne Vai in Crash Pad Series episode 273. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
Golden Curlz and Vivienne Vai in Crash Pad Series episode 273
“The less we were in touch, the better it was once we were together.” Texting dating partners all the time is draining, gives you less time to focus on what’s really important in your life, and gives you less room to figure out whether a person is actually right for you. At the Cut, Clara Artschwager writes about what happened when she started dating without texting:
“With texting off the table, I found I could live my own life much more easily. I’d just made a career change and had a new block of free time. I was eager to use that time exactly how I wanted: reading, writing, eating, cooking and exploring my city on my own time. I was excited to be dating someone new, but I didn’t want that to overtake this crucial downtime for me, which I was using to gain clarity on the direction and purpose of my own life.”
Max Madame and Q in Crash Pad Series episode 261
If you’re very stubborn and want to cheer yourself up very fast even though you feel more than somewhat committed to being in a bad fucking mood, you can try: listening to happy music, spending money on someone else, or making it a game, like in Katie Heaney’s example “Who Can Be the Most Beloved Butterfly in This Loud, Overcrowded Establishment, Even Though She is Very Tired?”
“Lips have a capability for gesture that other body parts simply do not, which means the look of our lips is increasingly defining our personal identity,” writes Jess McHugh at the Cut on why people like bee-stung lips.
How do you find intimacy and move through the world as a queer asexual person? At Broadly, Soofiya notes: “I identify as queer. A lot of people ask me, how can you be asexual and have a queer identity? But I don’t think sexuality is determined by who you’re having sex with. For me, being queer is about being radical—it’s about queering all forms of normative identity. It’s queering every space you’re in.”
Here’s how to date a Libra.
What we think we know about women and infidelity is a lie.
It’s fun to talk dirty during sex. Here’s how to get started, according to porn stars.
Aleister Church and Byron Dubois in Crash Pad Series episode 272
Stop making sex about the orgasms:
“It can be easy to feel like a failure in bed when our culture prioritizes orgasm above the overall experience of sexual pleasure. If that’s where you are with how you view sex, it may be time to remove your ego from the equation. […]
When you let go of the performance aspect of sex, you might be surprised by what happens. Sex is raw and messy and body fluids get all over the place and your hair will get messed up and your lipstick might smudge and yes, someone might queef or fart. That’s kind of the beauty of it all.”
Erykah Ohms and Tina Horn in Crash Pad Series episode 262
That texting article has some interesting food for thought. I met my wife online and we were long distance at first, so obviously texting was an unavoidable component of our relationship, but one of the many reasons I could tell that she was right for me was that we never made each other feel pressured around how often or how quickly we had to respond, and we were very charitable with each other in our interpretations of what we wrote (knowing that it can be hard to transmit inflection or intent over text). It was such a delightfully relaxing change from previous experiences. I think if I were to date someone who lived nearby and I could see face-to-face regularly, I’d definitely want to try this approach.
This is such a lovely comment! I thought the article was really interesting too, and I definitely have noticed that as I’ve gotten more comfortable in my current relationship the texting has dropped off — like still checking in during the day and sending some updates, but probably 1/20th of the intensity that it was in the beginning. Which I was sort of thinking to myself was a bad thing, but I like the way you put it! It’s maybe just a generosity and a ~calmness of knowing that someone likes you and/but is busy and you can tell them later in person! I like that idea a lot. I also would be interested to hear about someone trying it from the start.