Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Em and Lo have 25 rules for booty calls. Highlights: separate sex and love (um, obviously), text rather than call, don’t leave personal items behind and don’t make assumptions:
“People rely on a tacit understanding when it comes to casual sex with their friends and neighbors, and especially their exes. But it’s silly to assume that everyone “understands” the exact same set of personal guidelines. The implicit, unlegislated booty call is a complicated procedure, due to varying agendas, the likelihood of miscommunication, and the chance of emotional intimacy. The smart people know that without rules, there are expectations, and those, by definition, make things messy. Even if you don’t think you have any expectations, that in itself is an expectation: That you not expect anything of me, that you not sleep over, that you not get mad if I don’t text you back.”
+ The Hairpin has a series on how to become a bisexual/queer-identified/questioning person in several easy steps (and a part two):
3. Make out with girl when drunk (kissed a girl and I liked it).
4. Break up with boy.
5. Sudden desire to spend time with girl.
6. Watch first episode of The L Word.
7. Watch three whole seasons of The L Word … in two weeks.
+ Viagra for women, in the form of nasal spray, is now undergoing clinical trial in Australia, Canada and the US.
+ Sex educator Betty Dodson runs workshops on female masturbation in which everyone gets naked and talks about, shows off, and uses their vaginas. And NY Mag sent a reporter to one:
“When I entered the main room there were seven nude women lying on towels and cushions casually chatting. The décor was an interesting mix of shabby chic and dildo museum. There was cozy wall-to-wall carpeting and tons of huge pillows, but also fake penises everywhere you looked. The message was clear: Relax, make yourself at home… and then penetrate yourself.
As I found my place on an empty cushion, Betty, also in the buff, joined us. The first exercise of the day was to go around the room and talk about how we felt about our bodies and our orgasms. Every woman had a unique body and set of issues, but there were definitely some common themes. No matter how beautiful each girl was there was some type of trauma around puberty or adolescence. By the end of the chat I felt like I was hanging out with a bunch of old friends who were all naked for some reason.”
+ Los Angeles passed a law that requires porn actors to use barriers for all forms of vaginal or anal penetration:
“While it sounds like a good idea — who doesn’t like safer sex?! — its passage has been met with strong protests from porn studios and adult film actors, who claim the Measure is much worse than meets the eye. Rather than promoting safer sex, they argue, Measure B is a solution in search of a problem, an overreach into the artistic expression of people who have sex on camera. And, once enacted, it could actually make the day-to-day life of porn actors worse — or prompt the industry to just pick up and move.”
Relatedly, a Smithsonian blog post explores the impact the law will have, while Melissa Gira Grant argues that it targets the wrong people for the wrong reasons.
+ Studies on hook up culture are wrong. According to a newer study of female college students:
“Before starting college, one-third of incoming freshmen women reported having at least one hookup, while nearly 60 percent said they had sex at least once in the context of a romantic relationship. Forty percent reported sexual hookups during the first year of college, and less than one in five participants had a sexual hookup each month. However, more than half – 56 percent – engaged in oral and/or vaginal sex with a boyfriend or romantic partner during the year.
The average number of sexual hookups per month ranged from one to three, suggesting that – for most women – hookups are experimental and relatively infrequent as opposed to a regular pattern of behaviour.”
+ Porn! It is old:
“The ‘Venus of Willendorf,’ carved between 22,000 and 24,000 BCE. It is generally considered a fertility symbol, and some theorists have argued that it represents a goddess-worshipping, matriarchal prehistoric society. That is certainly one reading. Another is that it’s porn. […] Fertility symbol she may be, but the road to fertility starts with stimulating sexual arousal, and that qualifies Ms. of Willendorf as porn. Before we had agriculture, before we had roads or metal or even the bare beginnings of serious civilization, we had porn.”
+ Related: watching porn can change your sex life, but only if you want it to.
+ BREAKING: People thinking about or having sex are more into the idea of sex than people thinking about a room they are in, according to a new study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
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