Feature image of Ruby Riots and Zoie Blackheart in Crash Pad Series episode 301. All of the photographs in this NSFW Sunday are from the Crash Pad. The inclusion of a visual here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If you’re a photographer or model and think your work would be a good fit for NSFW Sunday, please email carolyn at autostraddle dot com.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
A recent poll by Data for Progress found that a majority of Democrats support decriminalizing sex work. Melissa Gira Grant reports on this shift at the New Republic:
“Sex work is not a new progressive concern. The movement for sex workers’ rights emerged in the United States in the 1970s, alongside the women’s liberation and gay freedom movements. Sex work, too, has fueled movement work—with cash. Movement leaders Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson “were doing sex work to take care of the community,” LaLa Zannell, manager of the American Civil Liberties Union’s Trans Justice Campaign, told me. “That is a part of our history. That is a part of this country’s history.”
But it’s only in recent years that sex workers’ rights have been recognized as intersecting with other movements and shifted toward the mainstream.”
Ruby Riots and Zoie Blackheart in Crash Pad Series episode 301
Yes it is possible to initiate sex without feeling awkward, here’s how:
“Initiating sex really is that simple: Just talk to each other. If you’re in a long-term relationship with someone who’s comfortable with it, nonverbal communication — think slipping your hand under their waistband while making out — works, too. Consent is necessary, but it isn’t complicated. All you have to do is care about what your partner wants, and pay attention to their reactions.”
Selphie Labrys and Tessa Wreck’d in Crash Pad Series episode 304
TikTok is influencing porn aesthetics:
“According to Alex Hawkins, Vice President of xHamster, Gen Z and young millennials are ‘disproportionately’ willing to pay for adult content compared to previous generations, especially if the star of the video is also the one creating it. ‘We see the shift from studios to performer-producers dramatically changing the industry,’ he says. Aesthetically, this translates to “a surge in realistic situations and more natural bodies.” In other words, more of what you might find on TikTok, albeit with fewer clothes. ‘We believe that consumers are much more likely to pay for performer-created content than they are traditional porn,’ says Hawkins. ‘It feels more intimate.'”
Freya Mars and Mx Kenzi Eris in Crash Pad Series episode 302
Please join me in celebrating THE FISTING EMOJI.
Sometimes coming into yourself as a trans person is accompanied by a sexual orientation shift. Remembering that everyone has a different experience, here are a few theories on why.
Here are menstrual-cycle-supporting herbs.
Here’s how to set digital boundaries with friends and family.
I liked this excerpt on separation.
Here’s what’s up with role play.
Here are some 2020 love horoscopes.
Maggie McMuffin and Tender Furiosa in Crash Pad Series episode 295
Why not keep creating words for poor behavior instead of trying to do better? Here’s what curving is in dating: “If you ask your crush if they want to get drinks and they reply four days later with a complaint about their coworker — but no answer — disengage and move on.”
In this week’s Ask Polly, a reader had great sex for eight months, then moved to an off-the-grid farm with a partner 20 years older who won’t say “I love you.” She’s hetero (get ready for a confusing usage of “the L-word” in the piece) but the issues and the attraction to the shadow are universal: “there’s just something so incredibly seductive about doing the exact wrong thing, about making the most incorrect decision, about burning your whole life down to the ground and building an entirely new life among its ashes.”
I started reading that Ask Polly with utter confusion as to why I was being directed to it, but then it hit me like a badly shelved impulse purchase.
Right?? I was NOT prepared for that and now I want to read everything she’s ever written.
Hard relate. I will be thinking about/re-reading the response to that letter for a long time.
Something about the proliferation of “bad dating habits” labels has been bugging me, and I think I’ve put my finger on it – they all put the onus of emotionally-intelligent communication skills on the person being approached for dates, without taking any account of the way they were approached, of possible red flag behaviours during previous dates, or of the general social context where there is often so much ego and expectation wrapped up in dating that rejecting someone, even nicely, can end in unpleasant blowback.
I’m sure there are situations where someone just starts acting like a jerk out of the blue, but often when there’s communication breakdown between two previously amicable people, they both have some responsibility for it. If I sense something off about the way someone approaches me, I’m going to take that into account in my response, and it might very well look to them like unfair distancing without explanation. Conversely, if I approach someone for dates etc, I am going to be sure to couch it in terms where they have an “out” that allows them to feel comfortable saying no if they’re not interested. Taking responsibility for your own emotions around rejection is just as important as clear communication from the other side.