Welcome to yet another rousing rendition of No Filter, in which we survey the week in queer celebrity Instagram. This week, Kristen Stewart walked up Hillhurst and down Vermont like she apparently does every single day, Cara Delevingne and Paris Jackson maybe broke up and I’m having a time, so we’re gonna examine this week’s content in a whole new way. Buckle up, buttercup.
I don’t endorse this ad but I do want to call it right here: Hayley Kiyoko is a big spoon and nothing you tell me will convince me otherwise.
https://www.instagram.com/p/Bj5Wljxn8Dh/?taken-by=kehlani
Same here, but I think Kehlani is actually a switch spoon who doesn’t mind being little spoon sometimes. My week’s going great, why do you ask?!?!?!??!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BjvUjLJFa3x/?taken-by=ddlovato
Demi Lovato, bratty little spoon. Nobody minds catering to her demands. Sure, you’ll get her a glass of water while you’re up.
Evan Rachel Wood is the toppiest big spoon you’ve ever seen. “She’s quiet about it and expects you to just know,” offers my colleague, noted body language expert Molly Priddy.
Lauren Jauregui is also a little spoon but once in a while (if you had a rough day, for example), I think she doesn’t mind being a switch.
I’m gonna say that Laura Jane Grace is just the most tender big spoon. Like, she’s used to being big spoon because she’s tall so she just goes for it, and she’s cuddly AF.
Rhea Butcher looks like a boy scout, a boy scout who incidentally is a switch spoon.
Like – this power clashing works so well because these guys are both solid switch spoons, you know? Variety is the spice of life, etc etc.
Patters Page is a big spoon, which is helpful because I’m pretty sure Ellen and Emma are both little spoons.
A very confident switch.
I honestly have a hard time dealing with how goodlooking Samira and Lauren are on the best of days, but after seeing them in these dresses I had to sit down and drink some water and just breathe for a little while. Samira Wiley is absolutely the little spoon in this relationship.
On the next episode of No Filter, I’m going to find all these celebrities and test out my theories.
Tag yourself, I’m Lauren Jauregui.
Outdoorsy switch spoon Rhea here
100% Demi Lovato. Forever asking my wife to get me glasses of water while she’s up.
Kehlani 4 Stephanie Beatriz (or is it the other way around?)
Your assessments of Hayley, Kehlani, and Demi led me to imagine the cuddliest throuple, as one does when faced with information like this. Imagining Kehlani as the happiest middle spoon makes me happy so thank you for that.
Dag nab it. I’d seen a post of Lyrica Okano and Ginny Gardner hanging together again, but now I can’t find it. You’ll rue the day, Wednesday!
Ok, but WHAT ABOUT FORKS?!
#forkpride
#takebackthecutlerydrawer
So Cara and Amy are just gonna end things like that? We deserved at least a year or two of both of them being in love. How dare they not consider my feelings before breaking up?
I want a new w|w celebrity couple for me to get addicted with.
Stef, always dishing out the best celebrity scoops.
Helicopter sightseeing tour of Rio is something else
The view outside is great too!
I was hoping to see Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor in this. I cannot stop thinking about their spoon situation. Holland’s probably the big spoon, right? Or am I conflating her with Peggy Peabody?
Really looking forward to that next episode of No Filter.
thanks hayley kiyoko!
PATTERS <3