Earlier today, we reported that the romance between modeling/acting/glaring triple threat Cara Delevingne and the actual blazing sun Annie Clark had ended. Since then, we have been corrected by Ms. Delehooha herself via her Twitter:
I am very much in love ❤️
— Cara Delevingne (@Caradelevingne) April 22, 2015
With her film debut imminent and her modeling career continuing to skyrocket, Delevingne had been theorized to have ended the relationship due to “work commitments,” one of the most bullshit reasons to end a relationship short of “I just really need to work on myself right now.” Yahoo reports that Delevingne had real, heartfelt emotions for Annie Clark (don’t we all) and that she had been truly gutted to have dumped her. Lucky us, their flame continues to burn bright as they gaze lovingly into each others’ eyes, rubbing their skeletons against one another with great panache. Just last week, they were spotted together at a Burberry event at the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles, looking fashionable and important, rubbing elbows with Jamie Hince and the Beckham family. Cara wore her best marching band uniform and proudly showed off her eyebrows to the rabid throngs of paparazzi. As we mentioned earlier, the pair had already met each others’ families, and Cara is said to have gotten a small tattoo of the initials AC. The pair have only been linked since about February, so I sincerely hope that tattoo is commemorating Cara’s deep love for Aaron Carter or Alice Cooper or something.
As far as we know, Cara Delevingne has been Instagramming pictures of sad quotes and cartoons, one of the oddest coping mechanisms of our time. In our dreams, Annie Clark has been thinking about calling Autostraddle contributing editor Cara Giaimo and inviting her to lunch. The best thing to come out of their brief pairing so far is the birth of my Cara Delevingne paper doll, which I hope to get extensive use out of in the future.
EXCLUSIVE: A jubilant Cara Delevingne celebrates her thriving relationship.
In the meantime, despite having publicly declared themselves gal pals this past Valentine’s Day, it seems that the epic love affair between Ireland Baldwin and Angel Haze has finally come to an end. In a post on their Tumblr, Haze addressed a fan’s questions concerning the death of their relationship, which seemed really sweet and sincere and which I will probably mourn forever despite not actually knowing either of these people in real life. The fan asked, “Do you think you and Ireland will reconcile? Your relationship was so special and gave me hope as an agendered person that true love exists and is possible. That we can thrive and survive in a relationship. I hope so, because she truly made you happy.”
Haze replied, “Ah, im very happy to hear that the love we shared was able to give you hope. The dope thing about love is that because it is abundant and forever and completely unaffected by any malice, it never leaves. Ireland and I will always be friends, she is a light in more ways than anyone can understand right now. Dont lose hope for yourself, though; especially not based off my failures. Wait for the person who will need the love you have, you’ll be fine then.”
They also explained that playing “Candlxs” (their super-gooey ode to Ireland) has been “a bit difficult” but that the breakup shouldn’t affect their ability to play the song in the future. While all of this sounds really healthy, they’ve also been writing short, kinda heavy Tumblr posts here and there that definitely didn’t make me a little bit weepy:
i know that wishing is irrational
they all say i am better off
i know that missing you is natural
i really wish you never left.
i killed it for good.
im sorry.
but i did find some
relief in your eyes tonight.
thank you.
EVERYBODY DIES ALONE.
Never before have two gal pals plucked at my heartstrings in such a particular way, and I can only hope that somewhere out there, Kristen Stewart and Alicia Cargile are spending today in a very friendly way. I hope they are buying matching Best Friends necklaces at Claire’s and making friendship bracelets on Kristen’s couch. They may be all we have left.
I AM SO SAD EVERYONE, SO SAD!
When love is a lie, what do I turn to? You my love, Trader Joe’s cookie butter with ice cream. To distract my mind from the sadness and vicarious pinning, I can count on your sweetness filling my gut and numbing the feeling that love, oh love is dead and I shall poke it with a large stick.
May my distraction be my antidote, cookie butter.
cookie butter ben and jerry’s is a thing now. Thought you should know.
When all else fails, just think about Portia and Ellen.
Amen.
As far as I know Angel Haze is agender. You should probably change their pronoun in this post!
Yes, they are!
Kristen and Alicia have been dating for longer than either of these couples, living together for more than a year I believe. KStew also doesn’t care about holding hands in public anymore, so that’s cool. I felt bad for her when she would only accidentally be seen being affectionate with Alicia when the paps were stalking them. Both that she wouldn’t do it in public and that they were invading her privacy.
By the way…Have you seen the twitter accounts of Cara and Annie???…
Cara and St Vincent literally just tweeted that they were in love… Doubt they broke up.
was about to make a comment about that myself….except really not as nice. Something about checking your sources before publishing
thanks guys! that hadn’t been posted when this article went up, but we have updated to include it. we actually do check sources before publishing, but do not own time machines.
Jesus it’s like you’re TRYING to be the patriarchy or something
Not good enough!
I demand complete accuracy in all my vapid fluff reporting and if that requires a time machine you really should get to work inventing one!
That Leia gif completed this post to perfection.
I live for vapid fluff. Bless this post.
#blessed
Did Kristen go with Cara to get an AC tattoo? Or is Cara secretly after Kristen’s LLBFF? Is anyone safe?
I HAD NOT CONSIDERED THIS POSSIBILITY.
You already had me on the AC train with alternative tattoo meanings, so I didn’t really have to do a lot of work.
I mean: I’m a genius.
let’s all get AC tattoos and see what happens
“rubbing their skeletons against one another with great panache.”
i love you
legitimately laughing so hard
I laughed like five more times FTR
“In our dreams, Annie Clark has been thinking about calling Autostraddle contributing editor Cara Giaimo and inviting her to lunch”
i came back to see if this very legitimate fanfic series had continued and was not disappointed. keep up the good work.
Did anybody else see the words “Ireland” “reconcile” “hope” and mentally blurt that’s what the center colour of the tricolour represents?
Forever Hermione-ing…