My 13 Ideas For Movies Starring Cereal Mascots

1. Captain Crunch replaces Jack Sparrow in the fifth installment, Pirates of the Caribbean: Bitch Better Have My Berries.

2. Remake of The Lion King with Tony the Tiger. Same title.

3. Blow 2 starring the Trix Rabbit.

4. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. writes “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” with Count Chocula as his cellmate.

5. The Coco Puffs bird in a remake of One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest.*

6. Buzz the Honey Nut Bee in a Social Network rip off about Google Buzz’s failure.

7. Lucky the Leprechaun in Leprechaun 4: Back to the Hood, Again.

8. Dig ‘Em The Honey Smacks Frog and the old WB frog team up for a Disney movie about an orphaned set of twins that decide to help keep Princess Tiana’s restaurant open by performing a modern day minstrel show.

9. Sugar Bear from Golden Crisp vs. Viral Bear in the style of Jason vs. Freddy.

10. Follow My Nose. A documentary on nose jobs gone wrong in the UK voiced by Toucan Sam.

11. Snap, Crackle, and Pop in the 5th installment, 3 Ninjas: Pimp Slap at Midnight

12. Film-noir piece about Boo Berry, a private eye that returns to earth to solve his widowed wife’s murder only to discover she’d been cheating on him for years…with a woman!

13. Fred and Barney in a prehistoric version of The Departed.

*Courtesy of Intern Grace

CHAMPIONS OF BREAKFAST, BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

shoutout Lesbians Eating Cereal, whose interests this post seems relevant to. 

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Brittani

Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.

7 Comments

  2. The next great biopic features the story of Mikey, the Life cereal boy. After a short-lived successful run as an internationally renowned food critic, Mikey was eventually shunned by the food critic elite after realizing that he seemed to ‘like’ every food item he critiqued. Mikey quickly spirals into a dangerous world of drugs and crime by selling discontinued boxes of Honey Graham Life on the black market. Tagline: Mikey likes it! And by ‘it’ we mean crack!

  3. The cocoa puffs bird’s name is Sonny, btw.

    You could have a bunch of second-rate straight to DVD features using the mascots of the off brand cereals, like the kangaroo from Malt-o-Meal cereals

  7. what about what happens when a frosted flake falls in love with a special K and find that their boxes shun such a union?

    a tale of two flakes?
    frostyO and JulieK?

    im on too many meds

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