It’s time for Tess’s first line! Unfortunately, it involves drinking some tea from that vinegar-spiked samovar. Tess takes a sip, tastes the vinegar, hesitates, and then manages — for possibly the first time in her life — not to let it all show on her face.
Thank you, Fiona Button, for being totally wonderful all season long.
At Jo and Lauren’s, a dinner party is about to begin. Jo is wearing that same 1970 shirt/sweater/whatever that she was wearing when she met Sadie. Maybe it represents “the number of times I’ve suspected my wife is cheating on me.”
Lauren is looking nervously at her new watch and grumbling about the fact that the dinner guests are late. Jo doesn’t understand why Lauren thinks she needs to rush off to the office anyway.
Jo: I mean, can’t you just forget about work for one bloody night, Lauren?
“Office.” “Work.” This is like those clever names for bars: “The Office,” “Therapy,” “The Doctor’s Office,” “The Gym.”
Hey, guess who’s coming to dinner! Someone who has recently misplaced a watch and is very interested in Lauren’s.
At the hospital, Sam is having a surreal experience.
She looks through that same frosted windowpane, and not the festive Christmasy kind.
This is from episode 202:
And this is now:
Impossible to bear. Even for a steely, stiff-upper-lipped British cop.
But at least this time the result is very different: Ryder is awake and mostly OK. Sam sits by him and takes his hand, and apologizes for not getting to him in time.
Sam: You were right. I’m so sorry.
Whether or not you like Sam, you have to admit that Heather Peace (like just about everyone on this show) does a lot with throwaway lines. She makes those simple, pedestrian sentences seem like knifepoints aimed back at her own gut.
Ryder says “Forget it” in a way that lets Sam know he’s pretty much done with her.
Meanwhile, Uncle Vanya is proceeding apace. And Hugh is surreptitiously futzing with his phone. So unprofessional!
Tess has another startling moment when she turns the page of a diary or ledger, only to see a provocative photo of a woman. The photo is only slightly porny, unlike the ones we slipped into books and magazines in my high school plays. But those were always closing night pranks, not opening.
Tess keeps her cool for a second time. In the wings, Nora smirks.
And that’s the first half. Tess finds Nora and confronts her.
Nora: It’s what we do in the theater, Tess. You know, a bit of opening night fun. Lighten up, yeah?
Again I say no, that’s for closing night, when you don’t really care what happens. Ridiculous.
Ed and Lexy line up for interval drinks. Lexy’s phone beeps: finally we get to find out who Sam called.
As Lexy ponders that, Ed goes to Tess’s dressing room to say hello. Tess is upset about Nora’s pranks, but she cheers up as soon as Ed says that Lexy’s enjoying the play and can’t take her eyes off Tess. I don’t even know if I still wish that were true. I do know that Tess’s elation is hurting me.
Lexy is in the theater bar, having a beer and trying to figure out what to do. You could call this a choice between love and art. And if you ask me, love and art are the two things that make life worth living, so how can you possibly choose one over the other?
Like this: Lexy leaves, somehow looking both uncertain and determined.
Sadie, having been stood up, has her defenses up. She flags down a taxi. Where will she go? Who will pay for this? BREAK HER HEART AND I WILL BREAK YOUR FACE!
Sam goes home to her painfully empty flat. Cut to Lexy, walking somewhere. What could these two things possibly have in common?
At the theater, the show must go on. But Tess sees Lexy’s empty chair and stumbles a little. Oh, Tess.
At Jo and Lauren’s, Cath (she of the watch and the £35,000 vase) is quizzing Lauren about her watch. Lauren pretends not to be able to remember where she got it. Lauren’s phone beeps. It’s a text from Sadie: “Are you coming out? Or am I coming in?” Clearly I don’t have to defend Sadie: she can more than take care of herself.
Tess is in the midst of one of those very Chekhovian moments.
Sonya/Tess: I’m not beautiful.
Yelena/Nora: You have beautiful hair!
Sonya/Tess: No! When someone is plain, people always say, “You have beautiful hair. You have beautiful eyes.” I’ve loved him now for six years. I look at the door and wait, hoping that he’ll come in at any moment, but … he … he never looks at me. Doesn’t see me.
Her voice wavers and her lower lip quivers and she’s about to cry. It’s perfect: Sonya should be sad, on the verge of tears, lovesick and unrequited. Lexy has done Tess a favor, acting-wise. But heart-wise, I can’t even talk about it.
That truly lovely bit of acting is followed by a weird fade to Lauren and Sadie arguing outside Lauren’s house. From the sublime to the ridiculous, I guess.
Sadie wants to know why Lauren stood her up. And Lauren wants to know what Sadie is playing at. Lauren takes off the watch and slams it into Sadie’s hand.
Lauren: I have just had the most excruciating dinner of my life.
The most excruciating dinner of your life?! Sadie is in the throes of the most excruciating desire of her life — not for Lauren specifically, necessarily, but for someone to see her and love her for who she is. But, you know, your dinner thing is pretty bad too.
Sadie looks vulnerable and ashamed as she confesses that of course she couldn’t afford the watch; she can barely pay the rent.
Lauren: You’re fucked up. You’re so fucked up. You’re living in a fantasy world, aren’t you?
Lauren sticks her finger in Sadie’s face and says, “Stay away from me and my wife.”
And Sadie can only stand there and cry. I warned you, Lauren. Face breakage commencing as soon as I can get to Glasgow.
Sam is having a drink. There’s a knock at the door.
Lexy, as sad as I am about Tess, I give you credit for going to Sam’s flat unannounced to make your case. That’s pretty damn romantic.
Before we can get to that, Tess has to utter those hopeless-yet-hopeful last words of Uncle Vanya: “We shall rest. We shall rest.” Fiona Button does this so well. Why can’t I see the whole thing?!
The curtain closes, then opens again so they can take their bows. The main players step forward one by one: first Nora, to polite applause; then Hugh, to slightly stronger applause; and then Tess, to hoots and hollers and thunderous applause that you knew was coming but that is still really, really delicious. Yes!
At Sam’s flat, Sam is reciting her weaknesses and failures. She feels like every choice she makes is wrong and everything is her fault. She admits that she knew, deep down, about Cat and Frankie, but she turned a blind eye. She can’t trust herself anymore; she doesn’t think she can trust anyone anymore.
Lexy: You can trust me.
Sam apparently agrees.
At the after-show party, Tess finally stares Nora down.
Tess: Can you not feel good about yourself unless you’re making someone else feel like shit? Are you that insecure?
Woo! Nora is speechless. She starts to try to argue, but Tess just says, “Yeah” in a dismissive way and walks off.
That was pretty satisfying! I’ve been waiting for it all season. And the way Tess walked off was very Sex in the City, in a good way.
Tess finds Ed. The conversation immediately turns to Lexy; Tess has a text from her about having to go to the hospital. Lame. But probably the least painful way to do that.
Ed tries to pretend that going out with a doctor would suck, but Tess knows that’s a lie. Tess! We need a season 3 just to get you some happy sexy times.
Back at Sam’s flat, it’s happening. Here it is! The moment we’ve been leading up to all season — er, make that two-thirds of the season, after the horrific death scene and all. It’s the Sexy scene you’ve been waiting for.
It’s not quite what I expected. It’s definitely hot, and they’re gorgeous, and I’m sort of relieved that Snowman Sam has thawed into a human again, and Heather Peace definitely seems very gay and very comfortable with all of this and nobody’s wearing any underwear, but … it’s just not quite happy or fulfilling or any of those positive things. It feels sad. Maybe even doomed.
Speaking of doomed, Sadie is using a knife — the cheese knife?! — to break into the gallery. She expertly disables the alarm, goes right to the safe, and scoops up a whole lot of cash.
And she has an audience. It’s Janice! Remember her? The unintelligible one who went home with Frankie, only to be turned away?
Apparently Janice and Sadie have a history: Janice stole all of Sadie’s money. Is this the setup for season 3? Sadie and Janice skip the country — maybe ending up in NYC, where they’re reunited with Frankie? Yeah, Lauren would tell me I’m living in a fantasy world.
On the way out, Janice notices the vase the watch-wearer wanted earlier. Janice wants to take it with her.
Sadie: No.
Janice: Why not?
Sadie: (knocking the vase to the floor) It’s broken.
And Sadie grins her half-Cheshire, half-Joker grin. She and Janice hop in Janice’s car (a Mercedes?!) and hit the road. I think I’ll miss you most of all, scarecrow Sadie.
Tess arrives home and nudges Lexy’s door open. But of course Lexy’s not there. I can’t take this anymore!
Meanwhile, I don’t think Lexy agrees with my assessment of the sex scene. She seems pretty content.
But then her phone rings. It’s Tess, of course. She asks Lexy whether she’s still at the hospital. Lexy hesitates, but then says yes. Dammit.
And Tess, in Lexy’s bedroom, is bereft. She even inhales the scent of Lexy’s pillow.
And her resigned, sighing face is the last image of the season. Tess!
I take back the thing I said about love vs. art: choose art. Stay at the theater and sit through all of Uncle Vanya. Let the soapy, well-acted show unfold for six episodes even though episode two went all pear-shaped. Because sometimes love and art are pretty much the same thing, and this show has had a few moments in that intersection. And in the wasteland that is lesbians on TV, a few moments feel like a whole lot.
Season 3, please!
