This Is What A Period Feels Like
Sometimes in college, friends would be feeling crappy and mention that they were having their period. This would without fail devolve into a discussion about what their own menstrual process was like, or the range of things a menstruating person might experience. Like, “My friend gets the worst periods EVER, explainexplainexplain.”
The first time this happened, I panicked, realizing that I had no effing clue what having a period was actually like.
Suddenly, I was part of a conversation about what MY period was like — I was supposed to share! That, or I’d be some weirdo who couldn’t talk about their body, and that wasn’t an option.
Uncomfortable as they were, these conversations were eye-openers. I mean, I knew from my Mom and sister that people often feel bloated and get cramps, but I was astounded that sometimes people ‘s NIPPLES hurt, or that they got unusual food cravings like one might during pregnancy, or that periods could last anywhere from three days to, oh, like HALF A FUCKING MONTH. I mean, that ‘s a long time!
I just usually shut my mouth and said that my period didn’t last very long and wasn’t too severe.
Pop quiz results: PASS, but explain your answers more next time.
“When Did You Get Your Last Period?”
Any sort of medical examination as person read as female isn’t complete until you’ve been asked at least once if you might be pregnant. You know, unless you were asked MULTIPLE times at my religious-affiliated university by the nurse practitioner, Sister Mary Slutshamer. When I was younger, I just had to say no. That ‘s it, interview over. NAAAILED IT! I was thrown for a loop a few years later when clinicians also started asking, “When was your last menstrual cycle?”
WHAT? I had no idea how this information was relevant. It seemed invasive and weird to even ask that. Why did they care when I did or didn’t bleed out of my vagina — what the hell!
It wasn’t until years later that I realized that not menstruating, or menstruating irregularly, could signal legitimate medical problems. My bad. But the questions remained, and I couldn’t dodge them under those matter-of-fact clinical stares.
I had no idea what to say. Did it matter what day I chose? Did it mean something if I menstruated on the 12th versus the 14th of the month? I actually seriously thought someone would go through my entire medical chart, and Sherlock Holmes style, deduce that my stated period cycle was suspect. I was just waiting to eventually be confronted with, “Look, Claudia. We know you don’t really get your period. It’s so obvious. No one has EVER MENSTRUATED ON THE FIRST OF THE MONTH, ever. Why are you lying about your medical history?”
But it never happened. No one asked, no one found out. My voice always cracked, “The first of the month, ” a little too brightly and nervously for my own comfort. And that was it. (Smoooooth.)
Pop quiz results: PASS, but calm the shit down, seriously.
The Entire Aisle of Menstrual Products
Women with their periods were sometimes women in need if it caught them unexpectedly, or they ran out of stuff. And as a fellow woman, I knew it was A Thing to share. Occasionally, I’d even put tampons or Advil in purse on me so that if someone asked, I could participate. (Which makes me kind of sad in retrospect.)
I infamously brought a MOUNTAIN of tampons I’d never use to college at my mom ‘s suggestion so no one would suspect I wasn’t “normal.” (“Don’t you think your roommate will notice when you don’t have anything?”) When I came out to my roommate a month later and donated all of Tampon Mountain to her, she was obviously pretty accepting of my intersex. But the fact that I brought TM to college in the first place belied my underlying paranoia that not only was I different, but it was completely obvious to anyone paying attention. And so I took precautions. I tried to blend in. I tried to look normal, feel normal.
It didn’t work. (I ‘m glad.)
Besides hoarding evidence that you’re biologically female (no, really, look at these tampons I’ve got), I learned there were PREFERENCES. Women seemed to love comparing and contrasting what menstrual products were out there. It was pretty much universally agreed-upon that Midol was the best pain reliever, with Tylenol and Advil being distant seconds and thirds. For pads and tampons, there was a dizzying variety out there to parse.
I knew pads came in different types based on flow, but had no idea that large ones could make you feel like you were wearing a diaper! Why on EARTH did some pads have “wings ” (and what were they FOR)? Who knew tampons were made of different materials that could feel more or less comfortable using them?
And what the HELL was that string at the end for? It seemed strange and wasteful to put a string on the end just so you could get it out of the package easier or whatever, right?
I was horrified when I learned the truth, years later. You could get that shit STUCK UP THERE?! If it got stuck, how did you get it out? Fingers and sheer muscle strength? Did they make special vadge tweezers or something for just this purpose? Would you just have to go to the emergency room? It all seemed terrible.
My education of menstrual products culminated in a very clinical tampon dissection freshman year in college with my three best friends, who answered all of my questions earnestly and did an amazing job of not making me feel like a freak. (You guys were fantastic that evening! <3) I didn’t even KNOW things like Diva Cups and Luna Pads existed then. I had some catching up to do. Recent Google Image searches have turned up all manner of eyebrow-raising products, like “gentle glide” tampons and tampon “sport.” (Are these products legit or total bullshit? I feel like they might be bullshit. Help an intersex lady out.)
(via age-de-lait.over-blog.com)
In short, I pretty much never said anything except to chirp in on the safe bet, “Oh, yeah. Midol is great. Um.”
Pop quiz results: PASS, but barely. Go to the menstrual aisle or your local feminist bookstore, and GET EDUCATED.
