SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMING
Brandy: Synchronized Swimming!!! They look like underwater aliens. It’s so scary. It’s making me feel weird inside. Like, yeah, they’re synchronized, but is it worth it??
Julie: Ha, no, it’s not. It’s useless. It’s pointless. Like the Olympics. Their makeup is scary. It’s so aggressive. It just looks like they’re drowning.
Brandy: They’re trying to be like dolls or clowns or puppets or something. And it’s CREEPY.
Julie: Ew, I hate clowns. YUK scary creepy Russian dead water puppets.
Brandy: It does kind of feel like the Olympics are pointless. Espesh now with the way politics are. The only people who’ve gotten really into it are people who are unemployed. Like us.
Julie: Yeah it does. Especially with the way my life politics are. Like, I’m glad you gerls are a thing and your bathing suits barely cover your bulging hip bones. But I don’t have a job and I’m pretty sure my eggs are dead. Sooooo…where are we going with this? And what have you done for me lately? Here comes China. Marching. Do you think anyone has ever sold a sitcom by doing synchronized swimming? I don’t. All I can think about now is Chinese food.
Brandy: When I think of synchronized swimming I never pictured it this aggressive. Their legs look murderous.
Julie: Ha, yeah their legs do look murderous! Do you think anyone has ever drowned doing this?
Brandy: I hope so.
Julie: Now all I can visualize is someone throwing like weird shit in the pool. Like a bag of chips. Or a Coke can.
Brandy: They should have people throw Doritos into the pool and they’ll catch them in their mouths in a synchronized fashion!
Julie: Hahahahahha! Yeshajajajjajaja. Thank you, oh thank you. I needed that. Like seals. They should have Olympic people seals.
Brandy: Yes! Synchronized Seal Dancing.
Julie: Yeah! Here’s USA. This is hilarious… The way they march in. I want a face in vadge under water. Right now. Or one pops out of the water and the other slowly undresses the other all while smiling with a crazy synchronized kook face. Or maybe they get in a synchronized face slap fight. You know what? Just make out. Just start making out. Show us your tits!
Brandy: Oooooh! Synchronized slap fight! Now there’s an idea. Why do they all do the Prozac smile? It’s really frightening.
Julie: It’s so gross. They’re like people who work at Disney.
Brandy: Here’s how it needs to go: Synchronised slap fight into synchronised cunnilingus into synchronised striptease ending in naked Dorito catching/eating.
Julie: Hahaha! Omg! Yes. I mean, that’s it. Hands washed. Done.
Brandy: And it’s over! Perfect timing. I’m sorry, but you were right. That’s the most useless sport ever.
