Judy Gold is pretty much your typical New York City Jewish mother of two, but funnier: she’s a comedian with 20 years in show business behind her, she dreams of creating her own sitcom, and oh yeah, she’s gay.

You know Judy, right? Judy Gold! For twenty years I’m telling you; twenty years she’s been performing stand-up all over the country! She won two Emmys for writing & producing The Rosie O’Donnell Show. She was a series regular in Margaret Cho‘s 90s sitcom, All American Girl and she’s been in all kinds of other shows, like Sex and the City, The View, The Joy Behar Show and The Tonight Show. Plus she’s got her very own Off-Broadway one woman show, 25 Questions for a Jewish Mother, based on interviews she did with Jewish moms all over the United States, all mixed up with commentary about her own life as a lesbian mom of two sons. Two! This month, Judy’s back Off-Broadway appearing in the Vagina Monologues-esque love letter to clothing: Love, Loss and What I Wore, written by Nora & Delia Ephron.

So, I sat down with Judy to chat about her niche as a Jewish lesbian, working on The Rosie O’Donnell Show, meeting her girlfriend through a Time Out New York singles ad, making it in the notorious boys club of comedy, starring Off Broadway in Love, Loss & What I Wore and her brand new one-woman show.

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Jess: Your act is both very gay & very Jewish themed. Do you ever sense any discomfort from the audience trying to mesh the two worlds? Does it get awkward at the Jewish Community Center gigs?

Judy Gold: Well, here’s the deal. I do have this eclectic group of places I perform. I do a lot of gay gigs and I do a lot of Jew gigs. I’ve often done standup at a JCC or a Jewish country club, and you know what? I always say that I’m gay. Just like when I first started doing standup in all these random places around the country where they’d never seen a Jew before, I’d always say that I’m Jewish. Yea, there are people that are like, “why does she have to discuss it?” and I’m like – this is who I am. Every other comic talks about their family, their relationship, why can’t I talk about mine? And I don’t care how old you are. 99% of them have a gay grandson, daughter, niece, nephew, etc. Often I have people coming up to me after a show and they’re so excited – “my granddaughter and her partner…” To me, it’s really destructive to be silent about it because they can see me and say “God, I really like her, she’s making me laugh, and she happens to be gay.” If I can change one person’s mind or make one person when they go to vote and think of me and think “why shouldn’t she be able to get married?” then I’ve accomplished something.

“Comedy is so subjective. It’s a sense, your own sense of humor.”

People also say that I stereotype Jewish women by talking about my mother who I’m really just repeating what she says and how she says it. Comedy is so subjective. It’s a sense, your own sense of humor. But, I do have a microphone and I have people’s ears, and I could actually do something positive. And, humor is the most palatable way to talk about something controversial.

Jess: Were you out from the very beginning of your career?

Judy Gold: No. I was out, like everyone knew I was gay, but not in my act. I was told by my manager, “straighten your hair, dye it blonde, don’t talk about being Jewish and never tell anyone you’re gay.” Which, ya know… I should’ve just fucking killed myself right then.

Jess: Did you ever listen to the manager?

Judy Gold: I did dye my hair blonde and I did straighten it. That’s actually the headshot they have up here for [Love, Loss and What I Wore] and it really pisses me off! [laughing] This was in the late 90s. At that time I just didn’t talk about my sexuality on stage or while performing. I was in a relationship and it was pretty boring so there wasn’t much to talk about with regard to my family. It wasn’t until I had a child that I thought — I want my child to think of our family as just like everyone else’s family. How can I go on stage and act like I don’t have a partner and kids? It’s completely the wrong message and I flew out of that fucking closet [on stage] as fast as I could.

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Jess: You were a producer on The Rosie O’Donnell Show. What was that experience like?

Judy Gold: Yes! I loved that…I had so much fun. We had to be there at 7am, we had to have jokes written by 7:30am, and I had one kid at the time and I would have to leave by like 5:30pm and that was early. That was leaving early…it was grueling. I did the first two seasons and eventually left because I really missed performing.

Jess: What’s your favorite moment from your two seasons on the show?

Judy Gold: There were a bunch. First of all, my favorite thing was when I said to Rosie, for the holidays, let’s do a big production number with the staff, like they do on The Today Show. So that became a tradition and every year they did a big singing and dancing production number with the staff, which was really fun because we were all completely uncoordinated. But, I think my favorite day was when Barbra Streisand came on. That was such a huge moment in so many ways cause, to me, being an unpopular, awkward Jewish kid who idolized Barbra Streisand and knowing Ro, and how much she couldn’t wait to meet her it was sort of like I was living vicariously through her. Here she was, having her own talk show and Barbra Streisand is her guest. I don’t know how many times I re-lived that moment in my bathroom, in my bedroom, ya know? There wasn’t a dry eye in the house and it was incredible. But I didn’t want to meet her cause you know how you meet someone you idolize and it’ll shatter the whole image you’ve built up?

Jess: Your family was featured in the HBO Rosie cruise documentary (R Family Vacations) and I know you live in Provincetown for a few weeks out of the summer doing gigs there. What do you love and hate about these all-gay vacation spots?

Judy Gold: The only thing that annoys me in P-town are the straight people. [laughing]  No! The only thing that annoys me is, ya know, the guys fuckin’ walk around in their underpants, no shirt on, that stuff really gets on my nerves. That kind of bothers me. My kids are running around seeing these guys walking around with their dicks hanging out – that I find annoying. I do think it’s the most beautiful place on earth. I’ve traveled all over the country, I’ve been on vacation with the kids, and it’s really uncomfortable when you’re in these straight places. The R Family cruises are like magic. They’re magical. There are so many different kinds of families. Multicultural families. Families that live in the middle of America, who are gay, but are only openly gay for that one week of their lives. And these kids get to see other families like theirs.  It’s really the most unbelievable, most nonjudgmental experience and every night is like the most unbelievable Broadway show on the ship.

Jess: Why do you think there are so many lesbian comedians, and more specifically Jewish lesbian comedians out there? [Sandra Bernhard, Jessica Kirson, Julie Goldman, Jackie Hoffman, Liz Feldman, etc.]

Judy Gold: Comedy is the most unfeminine profession. You’re in total control as a standup comic. It’s masculine. People equate power with masculinity, and you can’t really be a female comedian who dresses really hot and sexy cause no one is gonna take you seriously. The guys will wanna fuck you and the women will hate you. So, there’s nothing sexual about it. Lesbians tend to not think in a gender-type role, I think. Also, we have a lot to say and we’re not afraid to say it, and we’re smart. Not all straight women, but most straight women are taught “just keep your opinion to yourself, be lady-like, keep your mouth shut,” but lesbians…

“I feel like once you realize you’re gay, it’s really hard to fit this mold of what a ‘woman’ is supposed to be.”

Jess: …It’s really freeing once you realize those rules don’t apply to you and you can be and do anything you want in life and not be held to that paradigm.

Judy Gold: Exactly. So, I feel like once you realize you’re gay, it’s really hard to fit this mold of what a “woman” is supposed to be.  I remember all the straight guy comics always liked me and it’s because I didn’t want anything from them. I didn’t wanna have sex with them and I didn’t talk about “girly” things on stage, even though they can talk about their balls and dick and say whatever they want. But, I always found that they had more respect for me because I never flirted with them, I never did anything to get spots or stage time. I just wanted to write my jokes and get on stage.

There are a lot of Jewish comedians, period. Most comedians are Jewish. Why? Well, I think the persecuted tend to be comedically oriented. I do think it’s in our nature as people. Jews over think everything. If you look at the Rabbis, they’re studying the same book for fuckin’ 6,000 years. [laughing] The same shit. They do it every day. They sit in a room and they study it, to interpret, to re-interpret. I think it’s the nature of the way we think and communicate with each other. Honestly, as a people, I don’t think we could have made it as far as we did without some humor.

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Jess: Who are your favorite comedians?

Judy Gold: Ok, well I love Joan Rivers. I used to listen to her albums over and over again. She still writes and performs all the time – amazing. Here are my favorite comedians: Joy Behar, Susie Essman, Paula Poundstone, Caroline Rhea, Chris Rock, George Carlin, Lewis Black, Louie CK, Sarah Silverman, Mario Cantone, Kathleen Madigan, Wanda Sykes…

Jess: When did you first come out?

Judy Gold: Well, I was always gay. Even as a little kid I was always dressing up like a boy – it’s such a biological thing I can’t even tell you.  I had a girlfriend in high school. Then I got to college and had a boyfriend but hated it physically. It wasn’t until between our junior and senior years of college when we all stayed on campus at Rutgers for the summer and we all came out to each other. We were all really good friends and we realized we were all gay. And, it was the 80s — it was not easy – but we had the best summer of our lives. I remember that summer ended and my father said to me, “Judith, the Summer of ’42 is over.” Then I graduated college, started doing standup and met the person I was with for 20 years, who I had 2 kids with.  We were pretty quiet about it initially, but all our friends knew. I told my sister in her therapist’s office, my brother knew from God knows, long ago. But, coming out to the world really took until I had a child. It was just like, no one is gonna treat me differently than anyone else.

Jess: In your act you talk about how after you & your ex broke up she moved to a different apartment but remained in the same building. How’d that turn out?

Judy Gold: We did that for 5 years. Lesbians never fully break up… and it was much easier for the kids. It was really painful to me at first when I didn’t see them every day…this way I could see them after school no matter what. But, she has since moved to huge apartment with a fireplace where the elevator opens up into the apartment. I’m in the same apartment where the kids grew up, and they’ll always love that place.

Jess: How did the kids handle the breakup and subsequent new relationships?

Judy Gold: They now have 2 moms and 2 stepmoms, and I have to say they’re really well adjusted. Henry, my older son, was Bar Mitzvah’ed in September, and gave an incredible speech in reference to Moses leaving the Jews and that there’s always a scapegoat, and he said “I believe that the gays are the scapegoats in this country.” He’s always defending the gays – like, if anyone says “faggot” on the basketball court he’s like in their face. It’s amazing to see a kid who is fearless and is not gonna put up with any of that crap.

Jess: The story of how you met your girlfriend Elysa is pretty amazing. Can you tell the Time Out New York Valentine’s issue story?

With girlfriend, Elysa

Judy Gold: So, Beth Greenfield who is the gay & lesbian editor at Time Out New York contacted me and said for the Valentine’s issue all of the editors are putting in their most eligible friends. It was the 20 most eligible singles in New York. She asked if I would put an ad in and I was like sure! They took a picture of me and I put in this really ridiculous ad. It said “I’m looking for someone to do my kids’ laundry while we snuggle under my control pad flannel comforter with a bottle of red wine, while I yell at my mother on the phone about her home health aid.” So, I figured if the person doesn’t get that this is a fucking joke… I got some responses and I’d start talking to people online and then I’d ask for a picture and then I’d never talk to them again. [laughing] A couple of weeks later I get a really funny response from someone, and she says I’m gonna send you a picture cause it’s only fair since I know what you look like and she sends me a picture where she’s holding a baby – her cousin’s baby – and she’s really pretty… So I’m like, “does she have fingers?? There’s gotta be something wrong with her!” We start writing back an forth and she’s really funny and she’s Jewish, from Westchester and she’s a therapist. So, we met one night after one of my shows…

Jess: Was she a fan of yours?

Judy Gold: Yes! She had seen my show, but she wasn’t acting sycophant-ish or anything…We met after the show and she was wearing a skirt and was at the bar at Joe Allen’s. I had another gig that same night, at some benefit downtown at some miserable bar and I said “you’re gonna come with me” and she said “no, I’m not” and I said “yes, you are.” Finally, after begging her to come she said “ok, I’ll come.” We went down to this bar and it was such a dump… there was no dressing room or anything so we’re in a stairwell…and she starts laughing [at the absurdity.] Now, my ex would be like “what the fuck is this shit?!” ya know? We went home – she wouldn’t go home with me – and I couldn’t stop thinking about her. The next night I had another date that I had told her about and I couldn’t wait for that date to end and I called her from the cab on the way home and said “I can’t stop thinking about you” and she’s like- “uh huh.” We saw each other the following night at some gay party – she still wouldn’t go home with me. We wound up seeing each other 4 times that week – and then she didn’t call me for 2 days. I was like, “What the fuck!? We went out 4 times and then she doesn’t call me?!” I’m calling all my friends panicking. And they were like – “This is normal! This is dating!” I never looked at the Time Out New York G-Mail account again after I met her. And…. here we are!

Jess: Why didn’t she call you?

Judy Gold: ‘Cause she had boundaries! Which, I have never heard of. She was gonna take it slow, but I pushed it. We’ve been together for 3 years and 2 months now.

Jess: You’re always on Joy Behar’s talk show and on The View, The Today Show… Do you want your own talk show?

Judy Gold: Yes!  Hello! [laughing] I’ve done pilots and stuff, but… it’s hard. It’s hard when you’re a lezzie. Except for Rachel Maddow.

Jess: …and Wanda Sykes?

Judy Gold: And Ellen DeGeneres. And Rosie O’Donnell. Whatever!

Jess: They’re all gay. All these fuckin’ talk show hosts… Which is also another very unfeminine job.  Any plans for another 1 woman show?

Judy Gold: Yes,  I’m working on a new one called “It’s Judy’s Show: My Life as a Sitcom” and it’s going to Williamstown, Massachusetts this summer. The plan is to bring it to New York hopefully. It’s about my addiction to family sitcoms growing up cause I couldn’t stand my family so I actually lived in the world of the television. And also about my dream to have my own sitcom and that’s been thwarted… it’s fabulous [laughing].

Jess: What’s your dream job?

Judy Gold: I’ve always wanted to be on a sitcom. And, I’ve always wanted to put a gay family on television. Have a gay family sitcom that people watched and forgot that they were watching a gay family. Like, oh my god, they’re just like me.

Jess: What would the pitch be for your own show?

Judy Gold: Probably a divorced mother of two, trying to make it in show business with her therapist girlfriend, sharing custody with her ex…. and, she has an annoying mother.

With the cast of Love, Loss & What I Wore

Jess: How are you enjoying Love, Loss & What I Wore?

Judy Gold: Oh my god, I love it! I love the show, I love the cast, everything about it. And you know, I’m not a clothes person. But I’ve realized that even if you hate clothes, they really do elicit these incredible memories and they have such meaning – and clothes really do tell a story. Everyone can relate to the show, even my friend’s boyfriend who came last night and I was like “you’re straight guy, how can you relate to this?” and even he loved it and said he totally related to it. Mothers and daughters come, and it’s so great to be doing theatre.

Jess: Is there a particular monologue that you relate to specifically?

Judy Gold: There’s a story that I do about a woman and her boots… and I love boots, so that really touches me. Boots empower me. I never fit into shoes when I was growing up because I was 6 feet at 13 years old, so I could never buy shoes that looked like other people’s shoes. My shoes looked like orthopedic shoes, they were awful, but I always felt so cool in my boots. They really do make me feel good about myself, and it’s so weird that a piece of clothing would do that. We all judge people based on what they are wearing. Really, your first impression of someone is “what the fuck are they wearing!? What the fuck is that?!” and that can really color what you think of another person.

Visit JudyGold.com for latest tour dates and see Judy this month Off Broadway
in Love, Loss & What I Wore.

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