We’ll get back to your regular edition of Into the A+ Advice Box next month, but today, we wanted to do something a little different. With the 2020 Election just around the corner, we thought we’d open up our mailbag to your political questions.

Some political question or issue keeping you up at night? Need help preparing yourself or others for the 2020 election? If you’ve got questions, we’ve got answers… or, at the very least, you’ll have a whole team of folks to commiserate with.

Q1:

Perhaps you could write a guide on how to do (realistic/manageable) political advocacy, because people sometimes don’t know the best way forward. Is it better to Tweet criticisms for widespread audiences or volunteer to stuff envelopes with a more local campaign?

A:

Nicole: Autostraddle’s own KaeLyn Rich literally wrote the book on this! I recommend checking out Girls Resist!: A Guide to Activism, Leadership, and Starting a Revolution. In general, too, my best advice is to just go local. Find a cause or organization that already exists, that needs more help, and let the folks who’ve been organizing and advocating on the frontlines direct your labor to where it’s most needed! We’re all only human and have so many hours in a day, so it’s about everyone doing their part, not us as individual humans doing/deciding absolutely everything. This is about the long game, so where can you be useful over the next year, the next two or even the next ten years?

KaeLyn: Aww, thanks, Nicole! The answer is that there is no exact right answer except that doing something is much better than doing nothing. I agree that getting involved in supporting the political and activist work in your own community can be really impactful and empowering. If you feel like you don’t know where to start because everything is on fire, do some mind mapping around the issues that resonate most with you and pick one or two of those to invest more time in. Find smaller ways to help the other causes, too. If you’re interested in the US elections, this is actually prime time to volunteer for a campaign. They’re always looking for volunteers and there are plenty of remote online opportunities this year. Just go to your political party or candidate’s website and sign up!

There’s some great stuff in the Be The Change series about various entry points into activism, so check that out, too! You’ve got this!

Q2:

Please explain the electoral college!!! 😭

A:

Malic: Ok, I’m going to do my best here:

When we’re voting in the presidential election, we’re technically not voting for a presidential candidate — we’re voting for a group of electors appointed by our state’s political parties who have pledged to vote for that party’s candidate. There are 538 electors for the US overall, and each state is given a number of electors based on its population. A high population state like California has 55 electors, while a low population state like Alaska has three. When we vote, the electors of our state meet and then cast their vote for president. Since votes from electors decide the winner, a candidate can win the popular vote (or the majority of votes in the US overall) without winning the election. That’s how we ended up with Trump in office.

So why the hell do we do this? From what I’ve read, it seems like the white dudes who wrote the constitution came up with the electoral college for two reasons: 1. They worried that states with the largest populations would be responsible for who was elected president in every election, and 2. They worried that individual Americans wouldn’t make informed decisions. Ouch.

On top of that, the electoral college has a racist history. At the time of the 3/5 Compromise, when each enslaved person counted as a fraction of a person, states that had lower free populations and large enslaved populations (who could not vote) had an advantage. They got more electors, which meant more power in presidential elections, and since the number of electors determines a state’s number of congresspeople, those states got more power in congress, too.

It makes sense that you would ask this question because the electoral college makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE AT ALL and a lot of people want to abolish it. Bills intending to abolish or reform the electoral college have been proposed, but so far, nothing has worked out.

Carmen: I really came here to say “Slavery” — but thank you to Malic for already having that covered.

Himani: Malic hit all the key points, but I just want to add a little more about the designation of electors because it is deeply fucked up and this is how both Al Gore and Hillary Clinton lost their elections despite clearly winning the popular vote. Electors are assigned as the number of senators + the number of representatives in the House, and then DC also gets 3 electors (despite having no representation in Congress). So each state has at least 3 electors, as Malic noted. And, in most states, the person who wins the popular vote in the state gets all of the electors for the state, regardless of how close the margin is. So for example, even if the vote count is really close in a state (let’s say 51% to 49% or something) the person with 51% of the vote gets all of the electors for that state.

As a result of this nonsense system, states with very low populations like Wyoming or Alaska get a lot more say in determining who’s president than more populated states like California or New Jersey. The Guardian created a guide about the electoral college with really helpful graphics that breaks down the inherent unfairness of the system. As per that guide: “Wyoming has one electoral college vote for every 193,000 people, compared with California’s rate of one electoral vote per 718,000 people. This means that each electoral vote in California represents over three times as many people as one in Wyoming. These disparities are repeated across the country.”

So one thing we see is that the electoral college recreates the inherent unfairness that exists in Congress itself where people from, say, Kentucky (home state of my least favorite human, Mitch McConnell) get a lot of say and power because they get to have two senators and at least one representative, regardless of how big their populations are.

Q3:

Do you think gay marriage will be put up to the courts again? My girlfriend and I have been together for five years now, and we’ve slow played the getting engaged/married thing because it’s not really “our style” (whatever that means). I plan to propose in 2021, with the wedding in 2022-23. I am wondering if we will get to the point where we have to do it, just to do it, before they decide to litigate our love for each other again. Thanks, be well!

A:

Natalie: I’ve got a piece forthcoming on the site about this very issue with someone far more qualified than me to make an assessment on this but, for the moment, here’s my hot take: it’s hard to look at the recent succession of events — the death of RBG, the nomination of the anti-gay Amy Coney Barrett and the bench statement from Justices Thomas and Alito — and not worry about the fate of Obergefell, the case that gave us marriage equality.

[Wait, can I pause for just a second and say that how absolutely absurd I think the statement from Thomas and Alito was? Beyond absurd, actually. Sometimes I feel insecure about commenting on the Supreme Court in any authoritative manner because I’m not a lawyer but then I read stuff like that and think, “well, if a Supreme Court Justice can be this dumb, then why should I feel insecure?”

Thomas spends the whole statement being willfully obtuse…claiming that Kim Davis had been victimized by the government, without acknowledging at all that, in this situation, Kim Davis WAS the government. Davis wasn’t being singled out because she was a Christian, she was singled out because she was the county clerk and she wouldn’t do her damn job. Then he writes, “due to Obergefell, those with sincerely held religious beliefs concerning marriage will find it increasingly difficult to participate in society…”

To which my only response is: BISH, I WISH.

Thomas spends his entire statement in his feelings about the fact that Kim Davis is being called a bigot even as he acknowledges that she’s being discriminatory. WORDS MEAN THINGS, CLARENCE!

Okay, sorry, I had to get that rant out somewhere…back to your question…]

While I can’t discount the possibility entirely that the Court will reverse itself on Obergefell, it doesn’t seem likely. The Court would put the nation in the exact same sport as California was, post-In re Marriage Cases and post-Prop 8, where gay marriage existed and also not, and that feels untenable, even for a conservative Supreme Court. What seems more likely is that the conservative majority would do to Obergefell what they’ve done to Roe: death by a thousand cuts. I think we’ll see a slew of “religious freedom” cases to carve out exceptions to Obergefell to render it obsolete in certain states.

So, in short: yes, I think gay marriage will come before the Court again but you should be able to maintain your timeline.

Of course, if Democrats win the White House and the Senate and work to restore the balance of the Court, we wouldn’t have to worry about this at all.

Q4:

I don’t really understand how phone banking/text banking/postcard mailing actually helps get out the vote. Of course this is overflowing with my own bias, but I don’t pick up for unknown numbers, text messages from non-friends are often scary scams, and mail is fun but there’s SO much junk mail in the world. But surely these things must do something if everyone says they’re so important! I’m just not able to get over my phone anxiety for it when I don’t understand how it makes a real impact. Thanks for your help!

A:

Nicole: I’m going to do my best here as I am a very fresh, new phone bank volunteer. What we’ve been doing right now is calling folks in order to “ballot chase” in key states like Pennsylvania. The goal of this is to help people who are going to vote for Biden/Harris (and who have an opportunity to vote for Democratic candidates for the Senate as well as local positions) to vote early and return their ballot with more than enough time to go. It’s not so much about changing the minds of Trump supporters — in fact we’re told to just say “Thank you for your time. Goodbye.” and hang up on them. It’s more about making sure people have access to the information they need in order to vote. For example, not everyone in PA knows that they can go to the county elections office and have their ballot printed out there, fill it out, and return it all at once, so it’s an effort to disseminate information and encourage voting one person at a time. Sometimes it’s helpful to someone just to walk them through the whole security envelope thing with their mail-in ballot so they can know they’re doing it “right” or telling them they can go to iwillvote.com to find ballot drop boxes near them.

With that, there is also the Election Protection Hotline which is run by volunteers. 866-OUR-VOTE where legal professionals can volunteer to help defend the right to vote (read: combat voter suppression) and non-legal professionals can volunteer to work the polls.

You can also try and find an organization in your area that is helping to drive folks to the polls or to the elections offices who don’t otherwise have reliable transport. If this is something you’re comfortable or able to do, it’s a possibility!

Phone anxiety is very real but for the most part, it’s not like people are unpleasant when you call. You’re calling registered voters, and yeah, most of them go straight to voicemail, but of those who pick up, they know why you’re calling and everyone’s been respectful so far! You might have some good conversations! Also, don’t want to call? You can definitely text bank.

I’ve also taken some turns text banking and can confirm that there are definitely tons of people who are very tired of getting these texts, but there are also some people who get these texts who don’t know how to vote early! So, if you find you want to do that, it’s mostly about getting out the vote and making sure people have the information they need in order to vote.

Finally (and I think this is echoed by others in this post) we have to think about after. Where can you put your volunteer energy that matters now and after the election. What local organizations are doing work that speaks to you? There’s so much to do you can choose almost any way to get involved and support your community, and whether you’re volunteering with a mutual aid group or helping to raise funds for your local activist organizations or bail funds, for example, that’s where you’ll be able to make an immediate and really meaningful difference.

Natalie: Nicole’s spot on with everything she’s said but I’d add two points: first, especially when it comes to text banking, it’s hard to say how effective it is in the long run but remember that, in most states, knocking on doors isn’t a possibility. Campaigns are really just trying to do everything within their power to get the message out, without having to show up at your front door.

Second, at this point in the campaign, we’re past the point of persuasion; any calls a campaign asks you to make are probably going to be with people who are leaning or committed to your candidate. We’re in the GOTV phase now so calls will be about ensuring that they get to the polls (or return their absentee ballot). It’s far less stressful that you’re imaging it being, I promise.

Malic: Nicole had such a thorough response, and Natalie is spot on! I also want to add that there are probably going to be people who get their ballots in the mail, have all the information about how to vote in this election and are still at risk of forgetting to vote. Voting in person in a one-step process. Voting by mail (which is what many of us are doing right now) requires you to fill out your ballot and remember to take it to the mailbox or a designated drop box, which is probably hard to do when you work multiple jobs and/or you’re a parent and you’re not particularly tuned in to the news. Receiving phone calls and texts multiple times a week about voting provide a consistent reminder to TURN IN THAT BALLOT!

KaeLyn: These are all great answers! Yet, at this point it’s all about that GOTV. Also, phonebanking and textbanking and postcards, etc, are a numbers game. The reality is that most people need to be reminded at least five times to pay attention to something. There’s a concept that comes from marketing of “five touches.” AKA in order to get you to buy some new product, marketers will try to get your eye on multiple times so you’re persuaded to buy the product. You’ll notice this if you start paying attention to your ads on your phone, on your social media feed, at stores, commercials, etc. So one part of these kinds of campaigns is just to get in front of your face. Even if you’re throwing out the postcards, you’re registering that they exist and you now know a candidate exists and you may subconsciously be more likely to tune in if you happen across a story about them in the news or see an ad on your feed, etc.

Carmen: I cannot believe that I’m lucky enough to work with such smart, people! I won’t add more words for you to read, but please imagine a very solemn “+1” head nod to all of these answers.

Q5:

I’m very curious about everyone’s thoughts on how best to limit the damage actively being done by the GOP in this election year. I’ve signed up for poll watching, looking at some local Democrats to donate $ to, encouraged my social circle to get more involved but I feel like maybe I should be doing more…? Not sure where to direct my rage and sadness in a way that can achieve positive results in this trash fire of a year.

A:

Malic: I appreciate everything you’re doing to mitigate legal damage within the system, and I want to remind you that it’s just as important to support work that’s being done outside the system! Look for local organizations that are supporting your community without government interference — are the mutual aid groups or programs that support houseless youth that could benefit from your money and labor? Are there local organizations that help immigrants, poor people and incarcerated people navigate the very fucked up system we’re all living in? Doing on-the-ground work makes a huge difference in our communities, and it allows us to see real results. Sometimes putting all of our energy into electoral politics can feel elusive. Directly helping your community can help ground you in the most pressing issues of the moment.

I also want to challenge you to look at how you’re living your own life — are you talking to your relatives about politics? Are you a kind neighbor? Are you supporting the local businesses that could use your help the most? All of these little decisions add up and help us engage with our communities more deeply.

Carmen: First, thank you for all the work you’ve done already! And second, to echo Malic just a little, the answers you might be looking for in terms of “what else” might be smaller than you expect.

Natalie: Listen, everything you’ve said here, I can personally relate to… it’s not hyperbole to say that this very question keeps me up at night. I’ve done more this year: I voted by mail for the first time (to free up time to help other people get to the polls), I’m volunteering on weekends, I’ve given more to candidates this year than I ever have before and still everyday, there’s some part of me wondering if I could be doing more. But what I’ve come to realize, at least for me, is that it’s the trauma of 2016 talking. It’s the trauma of going to bed on Election Night, knowing that Hillary Clinton had lost and what it’d portend for this country, and going over all the things I could’ve done but hadn’t.

So, call what you’re experiencing now what it is: an actual case of post-traumatic stress disorder that has been exacerbated by these last four years. Do what you can but don’t set unreasonable expectations for yourself. Those friends who you’ve urged to get involved are probably experiencing the same thing so talk about it and you’ll see the trauma’s impact recede. Above all else, though: give yourself some grace. You aren’t superhuman and, at some point, what you’re doing has to be enough.

Q6:

How do I continue to engage in politics to make a difference, but keep myself sane? I want to do everything I can so that on November 4th, I have no regrets. But at the same time, I have literal nightmares and crying spells about everything at stake with this election. How do I throw myself into my civic duty without completely ruining my mental health?

Rachel: I think with this (as with most overwhelming things!) it’s really helpful to keep things as focused and concrete as possible — identifying specific things to work on and literal, material ways to do it. What can really do a number on us are things that are so huge and abstract we become completely overwhelmed by them, and the feeling of helplessness and powerlessness — picking something we care about and doing work on it in a real way really helps with both. I want to also point up further what Malic shared elsewhere in this post about getting involved in larger community efforts. I can’t tell exactly from your question what ‘having no regrets on Nov 4’ would mean for you, but I’d encourage you to try thinking outside the election — the catch-22 of US politics is that while elections will determine a lot of crucial facts of our experience, between the electoral college, voter disenfranchisement and suppression, gerrymandering and pretty blatant election stealing, what we can do as citizens to impact it is unfortunately limited, and it will in fact be very bad for your mental health to put all of your hope for the future and mental health in the basket of the election (as well as limiting how useful you are; electoral politics are just one part of it!). What are the things you’re most concerned about losing when it comes to the election? Are there ways you can be involved in those issues beyond elections? Whoever wins, I can guarantee work will still need to be done in those areas by individual citizens and communities! What do your values tell you are the priorities to you? Is it helping people access healthcare, making sure people who want to vote can, safe abortion, etc? Finding people already working on making actual change in those areas and showing up to help them will make a world of difference for both you and your community.

Natalie: As I noted to another reader, this reaction you’re having — the nightmares, the crying spells — are a perfectly normal reaction to the trauma we experienced on Election Day 2016 and that’s been exacerbated nearly every day since. Give yourself some grace to cope with that. Remember that you’re better equipped to help others if you’re taking care of yourself too… so prioritize taking time for yourself, recharging and coming back to the effort stronger and more focused.

As for keeping yourself sane, I recommend finding pockets of joy wherever you can find it, even within electoral politics. Find inspiration from the stories of queer women whose names will be on the ballot… folks like Tiara Mack, a political newcomer who overcame tremendous odds to win a seat in the Rhode Island Senate or Sarah McBride, who will likely become the first transgender state senator in United States history. Let those stories keep you focused on what’s possible and reinvigorate you for the road ahead.

Q7:

What happens if Trump dies this week? Who becomes the nominee? Does Pence automatically get the position?

A:

Malic: I started researching this after Trump’s COVID-19 diagnosis, and here’s what I’ve gathered: At this point in the race, if Trump dies before election day, the RNC gets to choose a replacement by majority vote. They could also reconvene their convention to choose that replacement, but since it’s so late in the race, that likely wouldn’t happen. Since it’s already October and most ballots have been finalized, the most likely scenario is that Pence would be Trump’s replacement since his name is already on the ballot. Voters would just have the understanding that a vote for a deceased Trump is actually a vote for Pence. Election day is on November 3rd, but the electors that we’re voting for don’t cast their votes until December 14th, so the RNC would technically have until December 14th to choose a replacement.

Carmen: Not for nothing, this is also a central plot in Season Six of Scandal, which is how I learned all the information that Malic has so carefully laid out here :)

Q8:

What are delegates?

A:

Natalie: Delegates are individuals chosen to represent district or state at a convention.

Q9:

Drumpf and Mitch McDickface have been packing the federal judiciary with far right conservative justices which have been flipping some of the circuits from liberal or central to far conservative. Is there anything that can be done or reversed about this or are the courts pretty much doomed for at least a generation?

A:

Natalie: I really appreciate this question… there is a sense, I think, for some folks that the end of the Trump era will mean a return to normal and, while that’s an appealing thought, it’s probably not true for the exact reason that you note here: the administration has devoted so much time and energy to reimagining the Courts that the impact of Trumpism will be felt for decades to come.

Is there anything that can be done? Yes and no. Those are lifetime appointments after all and nothing short of impeachment can remove those folks from the bench. That said, it’s my fervent hope that a Biden administration and a Democratic Majority come into office and just start appointing people left and right… he’ll have about 200 federal judges [who] will be eligible for senior status so hopefully filling those seats with diverse candidates will be a priority. It won’t change what’s been done but can dilute their power.

Q10:

Will Biden and Harris truly be allies to the LGBTQIA+ community? As a transgender female my concern is that I still have the protections needed for medical care and personal safety!

A:

Rachel: It’s hard to know (for me at least!) what it would mean for the federal government to be allies to the LGBTQIA+ community; I think that for a lot of reasons the interests of the state will always stand in contradiction to the best interests of the community to a certain extent, but we can def think about how specific policies or platforms might be advanced or opposed and what that might mean for us. Specifically in terms of trans-specific medical care, Biden’s LGBTQ healthcare plan mentions ensuring access to the ACA for LGBTQ people and “ensuring comprehensive care,” “covering care related to transitioning — including gender confirmation surgery,” PEP/PREP, and mental health and suicide prevention. It’s not clear what treatment is included in their definition of transition-related care, or whether other obstacles to accessing care will be addressed or improved upon; my sense from the way the conversation has gone on this so far is that we are meant to expect basically a return to the Obama administration in this regard. As far as personal safety, it seems like their approach to violence against trans women is largely legislative and/or carceral, with a promise to further expand the Violence Against Women Act with “additional protections for LGBTQ+ people, including for incarcerated transgender individuals” and strengthening hate crime legislation. I wouldn’t call this preventative of violence, as it’s largely focused on punitive measures for people after they abuse and doesn’t prevent abuse from happening; their platform does, however, also include “recognizing that employment and housing discrimination lead to increased risk of homelessness and violence, Biden will also work to pass the Equality Act to reduce economic barriers and social stigma and the LGBTQ Essential Data Act to help collect a wide variety of critical data about anti-trans violence and the factors that drive it.”

In short, assuming Biden/Harris are elected, I wouldn’t necessarily expect them to push for further protections or access than we have currently (which isn’t even really about Biden/Harris but more a feature of the Democratic party as an institution), and will likely block attempts to do so unless they’re effectively pushed incredibly hard to the left, but I also don’t necessarily expect them to regress us further, at least not in obvious ways.

Himani: I’m going to disagree with Rachel a little bit here when she writes that she doesn’t “necessarily expect [Biden/Harris] to push for further protections or access than we have currently.” Let’s be extremely clear: Trump has gutted even the most basic of protections that the Obama administration tried to put in place, particularly when it comes to trans rights on a lot of fronts, including health care. The Affordable Care Act states that people can not be discriminated against in health care settings on the basis of their gender identity or sexual orientation. In June of this year, Trump signed an executive order reversing those protections; a federal judge put a halt to that executive order in August for the time being. In 2016, Obama lifted restrictions that prevented trans people from serving in the military; in 2019, Trump reversed the Obama administration policy, once again banning trans people from serving in the military and dismissing those who were already serving. Also in 2016, the Obama administration issued guidance to schools on their legal responsibilities under federal law to protect trans students. In 2017, the Trump administration rescinded that guidance, which doesn’t change the laws protecting trans students but opens the door for school districts to try their hand at denying trans students their rights. This isn’t even close to a comprehensive list of the many executive orders that Trump has issued that reversed policies put in place by the Obama administration (which Biden was, obviously, a part of). Biden has committed to reversing all of these executive orders issued by the Trump administration and restoring LGBTQ+ and, specifically, trans protections. And then there’s the Equality Act that the current House has already passed. Biden has promised that making the Equality Act a law is a top priority and something he will move on in his first 100 days in office. All of this is, of course, just a starting point but it’s also not nothing.

And from there, when Biden/Harris win, when Democrats strengthen their position or even flip the Senate, we need to call our representatives in the House and Senate (as well as at state and local levels) and make sure they forefront trans rights and the LGBTQ+ community.

Carmen: I agree with both Himani and Rachel, and I think they have more points in common together than they don’t. A Biden/Harris Administration will likely look most like an Obama/Biden Administration, in at least as much as we can hazily predict the future based on the policies and plans laid in front of us. That’s also a greater step forward than we have right now immediately, because so many rights have been already rescinded under Trump — and I’m talking specifically here about legal protections for trans people.

All that said, going directly back to your question — I think “ally” is ultimately an action word. And no government institution, most certainly not the presidency, has ever completed popular actions without being pushed by constituents. If we elect Biden/Harris, even if we actually flip the Senate and restore a Democratic control of Congress, that will all be a wasted opportunity if on November 4th we pat ourselves on the back and declare it a “jump well done” and then go back to ignoring the world around us. We’re in a heavy and mighty battle right now, but after the election is over — that battle continues, no matter who is in office. That’s the only real way we can push towards the kind of “allyship” that you’re alluding to.

Q11:

How is it decided how many senators and congresspeople represent each state? This has always confused me and I can never seem to remember the information no matter how many times I’ve looked this up.

A:

Himani: Senators are limited to two per state. The total number of Representatives in the House is capped at 435, but the allocation to states is determined based on the US Census which happens every ten years and happened again most recently this year. This is one of the many reasons why completing the census questionnaire is so important. And this is also why Republicans and the Trump administration have been fighting relentlessly to rig the Census. From trying to scare immigrants from participating to ending the vote count early to changing who gets counted when money and political power is distributed.

Q12:

Hi, and thank you for this! My question is: how do you cultivate joy, or heck, just peace, in our current political climate? After RBG passed, I found myself feeling really hopeless. (I have felt that way on and off over the past several years, but this was particularly acute). It can feel like no matter what we do, the right will find a way to take power through corruption, cheating, and lies. I am afraid things are never going to get better, or won’t for decades. I try to channel my feelings into productive actions: volunteering, donating, voting etc. and I also try to limit my news intake while staying informed. But at the end of the day, shit feels bleak. I don’t want to bury my head in the sand (and I doubt that would work anyway!) but I don’t want to feel hopeless all the time, either.

A:

Himani: Oh, I can relate to your question so, so deeply. I also feel incredibly hopeless about pretty much everything. I don’t know if this will be helpful or relevant to you, but I guess when I think about this for myself I focus on two things.

First, while it’s true that every day brings one more concrete thing to feel hopeless about, one thing I’ve been sitting with for a few years now is that my propensity for despair predates the Trump presidency by decades. Everything that Trump has done and all of the horrifying environmental and foreign policy stuff that predates Trump, without a doubt, exacerbates that feeling of hopelessness. It doesn’t change anything, and as I said, I deeply believe that there is little to be hopeful about in terms of where the country, the world as a whole and the planet are headed. But sometimes, for me, recognizing that there’s hopelessness I have about the state of the world and also that there’s hopelessness I hold within me because of things that happened throughout my life allows me to reclaim a little bit of agency over that hopelessness. I can’t change what’s happening in the world or how it makes me feel. But I can change a small part of how I feel because that part has nothing to do with the state of the world at all.

Second, it can sometimes be easy for me to picture like the most terrifying Octavia Butler-style dystopia and that feeds my hopelessness. Like, “oh this terrible thing is imminent.” The reality is that, in many ways, the dystopia is already here. It’s just a lot quieter and a lot slower than any of the books or movies ever show it to be. There have been climate refugees for years who have had one border after another closed on them. There are also refugees of war and political conflict that are also being left to, basically, fend for themselves. Americans and Europeans are increasingly finding themselves in that first category. It’s probably only a matter of time before we also find ourselves in the second. And we are all, after all, living in a pandemic with no real end in sight. I have no expectations that things will get better and actively believe they will get worse. But letting go of the notion that the apocalypse is impending and viewing the situation, instead, as the apocalypse is already upon us allows me to let go of some of the hopelessness and fear. People the world over are figuring out ways to survive a living hell. I’m doing what I can, whatever is in my means to help. When that hellscape consumes more and more of my life, I can only hope that someone else will turn a helping hand to me. But regardless, I know that I’ll find a way to survive because so many others already are doing that.

And then, there’s just the really practical. You say you don’t want to feel hopeless all the time. What small things are you doing in your day to day life to let yourself forget that hopelessness, even for a few moments? For me, that’s long walks where I take the time to really take in the weather and things all around me, leave my phone in my pocket and don’t look at it. Or gardening and watching one small plant grow bigger and bigger and, maybe, come into flower. Or spending time with my cats and remembering that my existence in this world brings a small bit of joy and comfort to these two other creatures. None of this makes the hopelessness ever go away permanently, but it gives me some much needed relief from its tight grasp.

Malic: Oof. I hear ya. I love what Himani said about gardening and spending time with animals! As corny as it sounds, watching a plant’s growth, an animal’s growth or a child’s growth can really fill up the ol’ hope tank. And there are plenty of other spaces where you can find hope outside of the political system that involve community engagement! Doing something really direct — like bringing meals and supplies to your local houseless community, picking up groceries for your senior neighbors, finding a group that can set you up with an incarcerated pen pal or volunteering for a crisis hotline — can help you reconnect to the concept of “creating change” when a fucked up system isn’t in your way.

KaeLyn: I stay engaged and continue to give back to causes and things that matter to me, like art and theater. However, everything is political, so I don’t see this as apolitical time spent. It is time that is more healing and let’s me be in more of a visionary, creative head space than, you know, laying face down in the dirt which is how the current state of politics makes me feel. So whatever things bring you joy, do those things. Reading, watching mindless TV, hanging with your friends (safely), do the things that bring you some relief and push away feelings of guilt for making space for joy. Like Malic, I also suggest finding ways to give back in whatever way you can. Giving back always makes me feel a little more hopeful and a little more connected to the wider world around me. Even when I was recently unemployed, I tried to find non-monetary ways to contribute to my community through giving of my time and skills.

Q13:

So, I’m a trans woman who’s seriously starting to fear for my life here in the U.S., and Goddess forbid if Trump wins again in November, I’m starting to feel like I might need to take my partner and flee the country. Problem is, I haven’t the slightest clue how to do that or where to go, and all the advice on the web seems to be geared to rich people and/or college students, not queer folks fleeing a wannabe dictator’s regime of terror.

I have very little in the way of resources; my partner and I are both disabled and living off a combination of SSI and part-time work. It seems like no country out there that’s okay with queer folks would give us a visa for more than six months? If worse comes to worst, are we just destined to be statistics for the history books? I don’t want to die…

A:

Natalie: This question is just heartbreaking. And while I can’t tell you, with certainty about what the future holds, I can say with conviction that you and your partner will never just be a statistic. We love you and value you in this community.

My fervent hope, of course, is that Joe Biden wins the election and that you and your partner are able to find some security here in the U.S. Still, though, in thinking about your question: the first place I’d start is Equaldex which gives you an overview of LGBT rights around the globe. I’d cross reference that with details from each country about the difficulty of emigration from the US and the overall cost of living. My cursory research suggested Canada (if you can get a Canadian company to hire you), Uruguay or the Czech Republic… which feel like such disparate options. It’s hard to imagine striking the exact right balance but best of luck to you, reader.

Rachel: I want to echo Natalie and am so sad and infuriated to hear that you’re facing such a difficult hypothetical, and I understand the gravity of the situation that drives you to consider it. You’re correct that emigrating is a really tough prospect that unfortunately is much more of a challenge than the common refrain of “I’m going to move to Canada” makes it seem, although it isn’t impossible. For the level of semipermanent relocation you’re looking for, you would likely be looking for a work visa linked to a job abroad; you mentioned you’re living on SSI and part-time work, and so if you plan to continue working part-time, would look for a country with flexible work visa requirements that could accommodate part-time work. You’re right that safety for LGBTQI identities is definitely a factor, but is also often a more flexible one — much like the US, many countries have areas or regions where it’s less safe to be visibly LGBTQ, and some where it’s more common; there are also differences in how and to what degree any stigma might map onto immigration decisions. Depending on your language skill sets, I’d start looking at countries with the most accessible and accommodating work visa requirements; I know a nonzero number of people who have emigrated to Chile and Argentina for that reason, some of whom are gay, but obviously up to you!

In terms of a more concrete next step, if you’re serious about pursuing this option (which I totally understand and support you doing), the action item would be to meet with an immigration lawyer for a consult, who can give you much more helpful, specific and personalized advice about what makes sense for your situation than the internet can. Many immigration lawyers have hourly fees for an initial consult and some work sliding scale or pro bono. If you do get to a point where you’ve narrowed in on a place or places you’re considering relocating to, it would also be good to get in touch with and consult with immigration lawyers there, as they’ll have much more knowledge about the process for their country.

I’m wishing you the best of luck, and as Natalie says, for future outcomes that won’t put you in this position.

Q14:

I’m not emotionally prepared for Election Week — or for any outcome other than a decisive Democratic victory. 2016 was traumatic for me to the point of emotionally breaking and shutting down for several months, and this year I haven’t been able to plan for any electoral contingencies without spiraling into anxiety or dissociating. There’s just so much on the line for me and my loved ones (I’m trans & disabled, as is my spouse).

It helps that I already cast my absentee ballot (and they received it!), I’m staying off of Facebook, and I’m seeing my therapist regularly. I’m also meditating and spending lots of time with chosen family, which helps counteract some day-to-day anxieties — but I’m still unable to think past the next week, let alone Nov 3. I have a great support system and decent self-care groundwork (and maybe that’s the answer) but what else I can do to prepare myself emotionally and practically while staying grounded in the present?

Thanks and much love <3

A:

Himani: It sounds like you’re doing a lot of the things you know you need to, to keep yourself grounded and manage your mental health. As Natalie mentioned earlier, 2016 was incredibly traumatic for a lot of us and these last few weeks, especially, just feel like one long PTSD episode. Sometimes, for me, just knowing that I’m not alone in how I feel about and view a situation goes a long way in helping me face a situation. I fully recognize that I, a cis woman, am writing to you, a trans woman with disabilities, and so the consequences of Trump’s reelection are worlds apart for the two of us. I can’t say that I know exactly what you’re feeling or going through because I don’t and can’t. But I too live with great fears and anxieties for the future. You’re not alone in your feelings and so many of the questions in this advice inbox are a testament to that.

I shared some of my own coping strategies for hopelessness in an earlier response and perhaps something there will resonate with you in terms of ways to stay grounded, in addition to all the really critical and valuable things you’re already doing yourself. In addition to what I shared there, another thing that can sometimes be really helpful to me when the state of the world feels incredibly scary is to focus on stories of people surviving great adversity.

Carmen: Very recently a friend told me that if you can see the edge of your impending mental breakdown coming, that’s actually a good thing because it means you can prepare for it. I find To-Do Lists to be supremely grounding, they make me feel as if I have control when otherwise often there is none. In this situation that To Do List might include: Buy a few days worth of comfort food, making sure all my comfiest clothes are clean and put away ahead of time, taking ahead of time for any direct responsibilities in my life around the election (paying small bills, answering emails, etc). I do this because it gives me a cushion so that — if the worst happens — I have a few days already prepared that I can fully spiral without worry. Like I said, planning for the worst case scenario always help me feel a little more in control when I’m staring into the abyss.

This kind of extreme practicality is also backed by my therapist (I am not a therapist! Just a friend talking to a friend here). She has me split a piece of paper into three, and then label each column “Best Case,” “Worst Case,” “Most Likely.” You can physically fill in each section with a pen, or you can also stare at the columns and imagine each mentally. Spending concrete time thinking about what is the best of what could happen, naming your greatest fears, and — taking your emotions out of it — what is the statistically most likely thing to happen can help everything feel less oblique and overwhelming. Once you do that, then you can plan an “if/then” for each, again focusing on small and actionable next steps that will allow you to prepare for what’s ahead.

Q15:

How do you know if you should run for local office?

A:

Natalie: My natural instinct — as someone who loves participatory democracy and who especially loves when queer folks engage in it — is to say “yes, you absolutely should” and urge you file for whatever local office ASAP. But, as someone who’s seen campaigns, both large and small, and knows what a toll they can take on candidates…it’s wise to give some serious thought into whether or not you really want to run. After all, there are plenty of ways to serve your community without running for office.

I’d encourage you to ask yourself a few questions:

1. What could you be doing better?: A lot of people spend time interrogating the shortcomings of their would-be opponents but the real question is, how would you make things better? How would you community be better served by you than the person currently holding that seat?
2. How do your family, friends and boss feel about a prospective run? While local candidates’ families aren’t subjected to the scrutiny we see on the national stage, campaigns are still taxing on relationships. It’s hard to commit to a campaign if the people closest to you aren’t on board.
3. Do you like asking for money?

Beyond that, I’d recommend reading Carrie Wade’s piece on her future run for office and checking out candidate training programs from Run for Something, the Victory Institute, Emerge, She Should Run and/or re:power. A candidate training is an easy (and mostly free) way to get a glimpse into what the experience would be like and if it might be something for you.

Q16:

My aunt and uncle are conservative. I’m not sure if they are voting for Trump but it seems possible. How do I go about asking them their political views when we already have a strained relationship?

A:

Natalie: As difficult as these conversations are, as much as they might further strain already strained relationships, I think these types of conversations — discussions with the Trump voters among us — are so important to have. I know it seems like a lot of risk with little potential for reward but it’s both how we reaffirm who we are and what we value and how we start to change people’s minds over the long term.

A few recommendations:

1. Come to the table with facts to back up your argument, but lead with emotion…talk about how this administration has hurt you and the people you both love.
2. Conversely, don’t expect them to have facts at their disposal but ask them for sources anyway.
3. Ask open-ended questions as much as possible and pushback where you can.

Don’t expect to change anyone’s mind.

And if you come out of the conversation, having discovered that your aunt and uncle are unwilling to change, then don’t be too discouraged; instead, go out and try to persuade two other people — friends or neighbors that weren’t planning on voting — to vote so you can cancel your aunt and uncle out.

Malic: Half of my family is conservative. When an election years rolls around or when there’s a big topic in the news that I want my family to better understand (like COVID-19’s effect on Black communities or the wave of protests over the summer), I send out a mass email to all of my family members with sources that explain what’s at stake. The tone of these emails is never judgmental or overly pedantic. It’s more like, “Wow, the news is super confusing right now. Here are some articles that helped me understand what’s going on, and I hope they help you, too!”

After sending out those emails, I respond to follow up emails from my relatives or I just call them and ask them what they thought of the info I sent out. That way, the conversation feels more like a conversation about some articles we both read and less like a “conservative vs. radical” argument.

Natalie is absolutely right that being personal is super effective, so that’s the language I whip out if the conversation gets dicey. I share sentiments like, “I’m worried I’ll lose my healthcare” and “I’m scared my friends will get deported,” or, as a last resort, “It makes me really sad that you’re planning to vote for someone who wants to put my friends and me at risk.”

It sucks and it’s scary, but I know you can do it! Good luck!

Nicole: This is more just about coping, but thought I’d share! After any sort of strained conversations with conservative relatives, I like to do a palette cleanser and call someone else who might be feeling isolated in the family, like my sister or grandpa, who is mourning the loss of RBG. Do you have anyone you don’t frequently speak to in your family who might need to commiserate with you? Can you strategize about having conversations with your aunt and uncle together so that they’re talking with multiple people about their politics? Even if this election means that ties with conservative relatives are becoming more distanced, it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your relationships with the folks who are with you on this. We need each other!

Rachel: I’m so grateful and appreciative that you’re thinking about this! It means a lot. Although it’s (technically) on the subject of racism rather than electoral politics, there’s obviously a lot of overlap right now between those issues, and I think Abeni’s piece on how to talk to white friends and family about racism has a lot of really helpful approaches for this situation, including building on their values and beliefs, developing a zone of proximal development, and depersonalizing. I’d also encourage you to keep any goals concrete for this conversation as the election looms – if they are as conservative as you’re fearing, it probably isn’t going to be realistic to, say, get them on board with open borders; maybe your goal is just to get them to agree to stay home from the polls, or to look into what their health insurance prospects actually are under another Trump term. It’s also important to remember that at the end of the day, the motivation for Trump supporters is generally one of emotional or identification, not facts or logic; they support him because they feel scared and associate the right with safety, or feel insecure or threatened and associate it with power and security, because racial justice feels persecuting to them and the right represents ‘the good old days’ whether they admit it or not. Logical appeals, even if you want to scream them because they’re so obvious and you feel crazy, aren’t necessarily going to be the way to go; appeals to emotion and identity might be.

Q17:

How can I do my own research on judges running for election or re-election? It’s easy to find this information now that I live in Chicago, but when I was living in a small town from 2015-2018, I had no idea who the judges on my ballot were. What do people living in small towns do?

A:

Natalie: This is a tough question to answer because, as you note, the resources available vary so widely. There’s a startling number of people who just skip the judicial section of the ballot entirely because they don’t know enough about the candidates. And, of course, for those who do vote in judicial elections…it becomes less about judicial philosophy and more about name recognition.

Here are a few things I’d recommend: first, check out your state’s bar association. Depending on where you live, you might be able to find a judicial voter guide or even debates between judicial candidates. At the very least, though, you should be able to find judicial ratings and the candidate’s disciplinary record…both could give you some insight into the candidate. Your state’s chapter of the League of Women Voters or the Civil Justice League may also produce their own voter guide so be sure to check with those groups as well.

Another recommendation is to make use of your local paper. Aside from the regular coverage of the political race, you might be able to find stories about cases a candidate has presided over. Also — and this is particularly true if you live in a small town — it’s likely the judge has submitted the occasional, op-ed or letter to the editor. Read over those and try to get a sense of who the candidate is and what he/she values.

Lastly, I think judicial races are one place where endorsements actually help. Find a group whose values align with your own and check their endorsement slates for judicial races. Or, you could even do the opposite: find groups whose values definitely don’t align with yours — your local policing association, for instance — and vote against whomever they recommend.

Carmen: Ok, so after Natalie’s very detailed answer, this is going to seem EXTREMELY basic, but on a practical level, when I was trying to figure out The Who’s Who of my own down ballot judges earlier this month, I found Vote411.org to be helpful. If you put in your address, they have a  mockup of your specific ballot, and then for each candidate there’s a little survey thing that a lot of my judges had actually filled out?

Beyond that, I agree that finding out which endorsements each judge had to be helpful in figuring out, however vaguely, what they might be about. In desperation I also out “judges name + my state” into Google and that was also helpful, especially if they had presided over any big name cases or wrote op-eds or other opinions (which Natalie also mentioned).

Q18:

When politicians ask for donations they always mention fundraising deadlines and meeting their goals, etc. Why are there specific deadlines and what are they for?

A:

Natalie: In a campaign, there are both real and arbitrary deadlines…

First, the real ones: All registered campaign committees have to file expense reports, both with state agencies and the Federal Elections Commission, to disclose the money they’ve raised and spent. Those reports are submitted quarterly by most campaigns but in an election year, presidential campaigns are required to submit their reports to the FEC on a monthly basis. Those deadlines are on a set schedule and campaigns can be fined for late and/or incorrect reporting.

The other deadlines you hear about from politicians or read about in their emails are arbitrary… set by the campaign for any number of reasons. Sometimes, they’re meaningless — an effort to meet fundraising goals and boost support ahead of a debate, for example — but other times, they’re necessary measures that allow the campaign to set priorities for spending. As someone who gets these emails constantly, I know it can feel exhaustive… like there’s always another deadline around the corner… but campaigns have found that it’s the best way to motivate potential donors.

Carmen: As always, I agree with Natalie. I will just slightly add, as we saw in the most recent Democratic primary season, that in major races there are ways that quarterly fundraising deadlines can speak to the viability of a campaign (or in the 2020 Democratic Primaries, ability to even make a debate stage). It creates a catch-22 where to encourage people to give money, you have to show that you are in it for the long haul, which means you have to already have money. As we reach this point in a major national campaign though, when we’re talking upper millions if not billions of dollars spent, it’s also worth thinking about where your donation $$$ may have the greatest impact — this is  about the time of year when I start looking at local  and down ballot races that I care most about.

Q19:

My girlfriend and I are planning on getting married in a few years. However, since the consideration of Amy Coney Barret for Supreme Court Justice, we are very worried that the court will take away our right to vote. Do you think we should get married now before it’s too late? Or are we overacting? Thank you so much for all you do!!

A:

Malic: You’re not going to lose your right to vote because you’re queer, at least not in this rendition of the apocalypse. I’m pretty sure that was just a type-o in your question, but I wanted to make sure I addressed it just in case!

These are spooky times within the Supreme Court. If you’re planning to get married for immigration reasons or health insurance reasons, it makes sense that you’d want to get it done sooner rather than later, at least legally, especially if you live in a state where people love to exercise their “religious freedom.” You can always have an actual ceremony (if that’s a thing you want) later on.

That said, marriage is a huge commitment, and you said that it’s a commitment you and your partner were planning to make “in a few years,” so think long and hard before you let panic send you down the aisle.

Natalie: As I said in my answer to Q3, I think that while we’re not going to see the Court move to overturn marriage equality, we probably will see a slew of cases meant to undermine that right. I don’t think anyone should be in a rush to get married for this reason alone…I think it’s going to take awhile for an applicable case to work its wake to the Court. If, as Malic said, you’ve got other issues like immigration or health insurance to contend with, that’s a separate consideration and you should make the best decision for you.

But, again, I’m working on a piece about this very subject with one of the foremost experts on gay marriage so be on the lookout for that.

Thank you to everyone who submitted a question! Keep an eye out for our continued political coverage and remember: We love you.

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