Internet Haikus Written by a Person Who’s Maybe Been Watching a Little Too Much “Black Mirror”

a gofundme page
that’ll have a real impact
on my bank account

a good writing prompt
is the venmo emoji
let your mind run wild

the google doodle
surely virginia woolf’s dream
a room of one’s pwn

POV cooking
keeps the cortisol at bay
timelapse me daddy

listen to the tweet
say myspace like versace
a cognitive mod

a twitter feature
that closes the app for you
when you open drafts

heard tweens play a game
called “name the best youtubers”
and smelled soil unearthed

how far is too far?
said cady “tide pod” heron:
no limits exist

early internet
bless her for livejournal’s name
which is just talking

also for facebook
so much literalism
vine would be loopclip

you tube and me watch
said the future with a club
dragging on the ground

ever notice how
it’s always h-t-t-p
ne’er h-t-t me

what are the chances
there’s a google doc review
that awaits us all

i can freeze my bank
and get groceries delivered
but can’t e-unsend

wikipedia
they’re like, “mam, a penny, please”
as i gorge to death

timeline minesweeper
me too, aziz, cat person
better luck next time

remember covfefe
respect and honor covfefe
for it signed the end

what’s night without day
what’s a blog without a mom
what’s dark without light

when amazon reigns
will we call him lord bezos
or papa bezos

in case there was doubt
alexa’s a feminist
wokest surveillance

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Erin

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.

12 Comments

  2. Wokest surveillance is the perfect encapsulation of this moment in time. Erin, you are a national treasure.

  4. “say myspace like versace”

    this made me laugh as hard as the rest of them gave me existential crises (yes, crises)

  6. I laughed, audibly and loudly, at work. I work in an open office layout, so it’s a big deal to make noise, but I really couldn’t keep the laughter in. These are so amazing!

Comments are closed.