essay by Bella Dally-Steele; illustrations by Maddy Rea
One of my first memories is of hide and seek. I was five, maybe six years old and had stashed myself behind my parents’ bed to wait out the hunt – and to indulge in a certain tingly pleasure. Alas, although I hastened my business as the footsteps of an unsuspecting family member plodded closer, I cut it too close. I remember him opening the door, only to slowly and suspiciously close it after glimpsing me belly-down on the bedroom floor, legs tightly clasped together.
Although I soon learned to indulge only behind locked doors, leg squeezing remained my self-pleasure method of choice throughout the remainder of my childhood and adolescence. Through frank conversations with cross country mates and cheeky hints in coming-of-age films, I learned that masturbation is something people do to their vaginas with fingers, shower heads and (though I often doubted it) hairbrush handles. I intrinsically knew that what happened when I pressed my thighs together and held my breath was masturbation, too, but as my Encyclopedia of Wank expanded with no reflection of my own methods, it became clear that I was missing a fundamental element of jerking off.
Of course, what I was missing was some Booksmart-grade representation, not a guarded secret to self-pleasure.
“Research suggests that most people with clitorises masturbate with their legs in a semi closed or closed position, even when they’re using another manipulator,” Sheila Addison, a life, marriage and family therapist, told me in a phone interview this August. “I’m not sure if it’s a norm, but it’s a large minority, if not.”
According to the landmark yet woefully outdated Hite Report, at least 3 percent of the women interviewed for the 1976 study reported masturbating by pressing their legs together. That’s at least one other girl on my obscenely large high school cross country team who nodded along in confusion when our teammates mentioned “flicking the bean.”
But 3 percent starts to look deceptively conservative when you take into account that thigh clenching is the most common way that children with clitorises discover masturbation. Physiologically, it makes sense, said marriage, family and sex therapist Courtney Watson. The frequency with which you lay or sit with your thighs pressed together makes it exponentially more likely that you will discover pleasure in this position as compared to, say, with a hand spontaneously rubbing on your clit.
It is, as physician and eugenicist Havelock Ellis observed in 1927, a masturbation technique that is often acquired innocently at a young age – with the added bonus that it involves “no indecorum.”
Surprisingly, Ellis hit the nail on the head (while, perhaps far less surprisingly, pathologizing gay and racialized people while he was at it). Some people masturbate this way because, like me, they simply never branched out; others, because of its discretion and decorum.
Such was the case for fellow leg-squeezer Maddy Rea. While I was furiously reading unhelpful advice columns on my deviant masturbation technique, she was convincing herself that if she wasn’t touching the clit with her fingers, it didn’t count.
Maddy, now 24, had discovered self-pleasure in a similarly compromising circumstance – nestled under blankets on her babysitter’s couch. Like me, all she needed was a suspicious inquiry as to “what she was doing under there” to nudge her practices into the all-too-common realm of shame. By the time she hit puberty in an abstinence-only high school, she had rewritten the definition of masturbation in her mind. What she did in her bedroom – with bunched up blankets, the spindle of her bedpost or her hand clenched between her thighs – had long since ceased to be the “masturbation” her teachers denounced.
When she started having partnered sexual experiences, Maddy rewrote the definition of “orgasm,” too. She could climax within 20 seconds of clenching her legs together while laying on her stomach or sitting with her legs crossed (a skill I deeply envy), but direct fingering or oral sex always plateaued into painful overstimulation. After one self-conscious attempt at replicating her technique on a high school beau’s hand, Maddy abandoned hope of incorporating a partner into the only method that could get her off. Orgasms would from then on out stay between her and her thighs alone.
“It’s kind of symbolic of closing yourself off from experiencing [pleasure] with someone else,” Maddy explained to me in one of numerous Zoom calls from her Ottawa apartment. “Almost like it’s only for you.”
There’s a host of factors that train people to masturbate through leg clenching, most of which have gone unresearched due to a lack of academic interest or incentive in studying clitorises, Addison said.
To begin with, it feels good. While no studies have investigated the mechanics of it, thigh squeezing likely stimulates the internal and external structures of the clitoris, Addison told me.
In addition to the thighs, most people who use this technique also contract muscles throughout the pelvic floor, which are in turn connected to the internal structures of the clitoris (like the bulbs of the vestibule, crura and shaft of the clitoris). Contracting pelvic muscles likely alternates pressure on these internal structures, thus stimulating them, Addison said.
For people with a larger glans of clitoris (the external, hooded mound that most people associate with the word), thigh rubbing might actually “sandwich” the clit between their legs, stimulating it externally as well. Those with smaller glans likely apply pressure by rhythmically squeezing the legs and labia around it.
Perhaps the most evident motivation to continue masturbating through clenched thighs, rather than progressing to other methods, is shame. It’s an easy practice to hide from housemates and, for those raised to see wanking as dirty, from yourself. There’s no telltale rustling under the covers or – if you train yourself to regulate your breathing like Maddy and I – even labored gasps. Let it never be said that the technique, which is sometimes judiciously branded as “hands-free” masturbation, is without advantages, albeit sex negative ones.
Shame is not always the primary factor in making thigh squeezing an individual’s masturbation technique of choice – but it just so happens that this was the case for Maddy and me.
“It can blossom into much more for people who hone in on this technique,” Watson said when I asked her about how this method could affect the partnered sex lives of its users. “I think if it’s shame based, the shame would have a negative impact… You set the stage.”
Naturally, I asked this because the technique – or, as she corrected me, the shame I have associated with it – has negatively impacted my partnered sex life.
In the months before my college graduation, I finally set out to “train” myself into more partner-friendly masturbation habits, per the advice columns I had read years earlier. My efforts were fruitless, often ending in tears of frustration and a cursing of my mutinous genitals.
After crunching the numbers, I came to the conclusion that I needed a toy that could mimic the indirect stimulation I was used to, while allowing me to workshop new, open-legged wanking positions.
For those trying to widen their horizons, Addison recommended following directed masturbation techniques that focus on incrementally opening up one’s legs. In partnered penetrative sex, she suggested experimenting with rear or side penetration, which allows the receiver’s legs to remain closed.
It took me nearly five months to finally cum through alternative methods – in my case, with a vibrator that shoots waves of air at the glans of the clitoris. From there, I’ve managed to transition to using fingers.
It’s significant that I spent the first three of those five months in a mental block. After a first explosive crack at my shiny new vibrator, I simply refused to touch the thing. It wasn’t until I moved across the country, shucked a relationship and found myself with ample free evenings in an empty apartment that I finally dedicated myself to renegotiating pleasure with my body.
By the time I met, and began oversharing with, Maddy the following fall, I had managed to expand my horizons and had even cum for the first time ever in a partnered scenario, with the help of my vibrator and a particularly disarming woman. My chapter of self-pleasure woes was ostensibly behind me.
Maddy and I were still getting to know each other on a hastily-planned trip to Bucharest when a throw-away conversation about hookup culture turned intimate. One of us – I’m not sure who, at this point – mentioned that we masturbated with our legs. All it took was a glint of recognition to spark the conversation we’d both been waiting to have for years.
That night, I scribbled a hurried journal entry:
“We found out we both struggle to orgasm b/c we masturbate in the same leg squeezing way – she’s the first person I’ve ever met who does this too! I gave her some tips on what to do – buy a [suction/air pressure toy], work from there to hand stuff, etc.”
Since that hours-long conversation a year ago, Maddy has come out as bisexual, introduced a similar vibrator into her sex life and, like me, discovered a new way to get off. But she has yet to introduce any of her masturbation practices into partnered sex. And I’ve yet to cum with another partner.
When I started reporting this essay, I asked Watson if she had any advice for readers looking to transition to more partner-friendly masturbation. You might correctly suspect that this question was self-serving. Indeed, Maddy and I had penned it days before, breathless in anticipation of finally learning how to “fix” our masturbation styles and overhaul our partnered sex lives.
I think Watson picked up on my alternative motives, too, because her advice was pointedly not to transition to other practices.
“I love the idea of getting all dressed up in lingerie, and having your partner sit across from you, watching you masturbate [through clenched thighs] … as a way to incorporate this into your sex life,” she told me. “It’s all about creativity, and a willingness to be vulnerable.”
I’m glad she was on the other end of a phone call and not a Zoom, because I visibly cringed. When I relayed her advice to Maddy later that night, she cringed too.
That’s how I know Watson is spot on.
Maddy and I cringed because neither of us can imagine letting a partner see us in our most natural, vulnerable state of pleasure. We may have picked up a new masturbation skill, but a more daunting hurdle remains. And it’s going to take more than five months and a $100 vibrator to confront it.
*Clicks headline not realizing this article is going to be about me* You got me again, Autostraddle.
Reading this has left me really emotional. I discovered this method for myself when I was 10 years old and now at almost 22, it’s the only way that works for me. I’ve spent years being frustrated and ashamed that I couldn’t enjoy being with a partner and thinking that it was “just me” doing this. Knowing that is more common than I thought and that I could eventually retrain myself into using other methods has made me feel so much better. Thank you
Thank you. So recognizable. I will be thinking about the last paragraph for a while. Reading Autostraddle, everything starts to make more sense, gradually..
Much to think about
I always thought I was alone with this. It took me years to have an orgasm any other way! Penetration never did it for me either. I have a partner who has helped me to be more comfy to explore and no pressure. I’m so glad because I thought I was broken. I’m not! Just different and my pleasure takes a while to warm up and I have trouble opening my legs in the beginning. A great article thank you!!
I relate to this a lot.. not the exact technique, but learning to masturbate in a “wrong” way that causes problems in partnered sex… in my case I was using showerheads and stuff (vibrators, basically). While this seems like an easy fix (use vibrators with another person) many many people I’ve slept with (yes, even queer people… maybe especially queer people) are actually really against vibrators and have reacted with hostility to my inability to get off with hand sex.. I remember reading “advice” online and foregoing masturbation for months at a time trying to “re-sensitize” myself and then the epic disappointment when my body still wouldn’t respond to the “right” stimulation. It’s so frustrating with partners when I know that I COULD be having a fun time but that’s not going to happen because I’m somehow triggering some weird hangups the other person is having and they’d rather shame me than accommodate me. 🙃 I’m so happy that I’m older now and finally more willing to let go of people who want to make me feel crappy about myself sexually over a damn magic wand.
“they’d rather shame me than accommodate me” Wow, I can sure relate to that. Deeply traumatizing in my case.
I somehow knew this was the case, but only today saw it in writing. Squeezing legs started at an early age maybe 5 years of age. Today I have a rare disorder called PGAD. Won’t go into details look it up on Google. Thanks ladies, oh I not gay either.
I looove these illustrations – gorgeous
Never have I ever felt so seen by an Autostraddle article! Thank you so much for writing this.
Maddy is an incredible artist :) I forgot to link to her insta in this story, but her handle is @madisonrea.art
Just curious, where did you get the part about thigh clenching being the most common way people with clitorises discover masturbation?
Therapist Courtney Watson mentioned this in our interview!
Wow, beautiful article and illustrations.
ok literally this is the best article i’ve ever read and that’s not even a slight exaggeration. i don’t think i’ve ever related to something so much. i started doing this way too young like probably in the 7-8 years old range and didn’t really understand it beyond that it felt good and i i did it long enough it felt REALLY good. as i got older and learned about other ways to masturbate and what coming actually was i did the same thing as maddie – kind of just decided that what i was doing wasn’t ‘real’ or really masturbating and thought i was just kinda…. broken? like penetration was good but never led to anything other than frustration and clit stimulation has never been anything but overwhelming and not in a good way until very recently! i actually got the same toy mentioned in the article and actually liked for the first time very recently. and i’ve enjoyed experiences with other people but again it’s never led to anything for me and i was to ashamed of myself to mention it. this is the first time ive ever looked into what i do with myself and this article is just SO validating and helpful and actually made me tear up because i was so relieved i wasn’t SUPER weird and the only person on earth to do this. idk this was ramble-y and dumb but yeah. THANK you for real life for writing this i legit feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest because i’ve been stressed about this since like age 12. :)
Wow! Thank you! Your words have made me feel more confident in myself and your decision to share your experience has made me feel less alone!
Thank you for sharing!!
I could totally relate with all this! I started “leg squeezing” when I was 7yo. I even wrote it down on my Diary bec I thought theres sumthing weird about me haha! As I grow old thats the time I knew what I was doing and just like you guys I also tried to mastubate using Fingers. I still do the leg squeezing tho haha! I’m sooo glad to be able to know I’m not the only one who use this method. Hahaa such a nice story u got! Thankyouuu so muuch!!!!
Thank you for the beautiful article and visuals! I could not relate more to an article as I picked up on the thigh squeezing methods when I was very young, and still have trouble reaching orgasm with another person. I have looked far and long for ways to transition to orgasming in a different way and this helped.
Hi, this really helped I too have used the clenched thigh technique and until my last relationship could orgasm w out it. For me what started getting me off during partnered sex was riding while making sure my clit was being touched by my parters body so I would be getting both internal and external stimulation. However this really only worked w him bc after we broke up it didn’t really work so well for me. Even now I use a vibrator but my legs stay closed. However if I’m not using a vibrator If I keep my legs crossed and stimulate both my clit and my vagina at the same time I can orgasm. I’m a bit on the thicker side so squeezing doesn’t particularly work for me anymore. Honestly though the times that I have gotten deeply turned on vaginal stimulation w fingers from my partner have gotten me there enough to want to have sex. Or getting head while being fingered has been pleasurable (but not orgasmic…yet* -manifestation). I appreciate this article bc I like you two thought that I was alone in this. So I thank u for saying fuck you to the stigma and shame and writing this!
Hello! I very recently came across this. I’ve been thigh clench masturbating since I was about 14 or 15. I’m now 28, and feel that I’ve had an exciting sex life however nothing I’ve done with a partner truly felt as great as the thigh clenching. After reading this I A)looked into toys that might mimic the feeling of clenching B)started shopping for outfits that I like, not what I feel a partner might like and C) last night I tried “flicking the bean” so to speak while imagining the feeling of thigh clenching. I ever so slightly engaged the same muscles and really tried to focus. I’ve never been able to come in this way, but last night was able to reach it twice. I feel like a weight is off my shoulders!! I thought maybe something was wrong with me. I know it will take more time a patience but I’m hoping to keep exploring myself successfully! Thanks for this story AND the invaluable tips in the comment section! :)
I too masturbate with the thigh squeezing method. I’ve had sex with my partner many times and have felt great too. But never did it give me THAT feeling i had after I’d squeezed my thighs. Does this mean I won’t be able to orgasm in real sex if i keep masturbating like this ?
So you changed the way you masturbate right !? I feel horrible when I can’t orgasm with my partner. I’ve tried the open leg masturbation but it never worked. I want to change this habit of leg squeezing. Pls help.
I literally thought I was the only one! I’ve been thigh clenching for as long as I can remember and it’s honestly been my darkest secret that I masturbate this way. Along with my thighs clenching I squeeze my butt cheeks together and engage my core with my hand pressing down on top of my vagine. That’s how I am able to orgasm multiple times in one session haha. It’s the only thing I can do to get off. I tried using tiys and other methods but nothing seems to hit that spot than the thigh clenching. None of my exes or even close friends knows about this. I’m so glad you shared your story. Thank you for that.
This is the first time I’ve seen this technique explained in a scientific sort of way, not to mention normalizing different ways to masturbate! As a fellow thigh-squeezer, I appreciate the hell out of this.
I do clench my thighs when masturbating with a vibrator. However, it isn’t necessary when partnered with my wife of 27 years.
I think, when having trouble with partnered sex, it is extremely important to be open and honest with your partner. Don’t pressure either of yourselves or try to rush it.
Accept the fact that sometimes “it just doesn’t work” for whatever reason. That isn’t saying anything was “wrong” with either of your techniques. It takes time and patience to get to know each other; what each other likes, what they don’t like etc.
Most importantly DO NOT GET FRUSTRATED OR ANGRY with each other. Relax. Don’t make the “goal” of intimacy to attain orgasm. Make your “goal” learning to trust one another, simply exploring each others’ bodies, learning to just “be” with each other.
So crazy. I’ve been thigh clenching since I was 7 years old. I am one of the lucky persons who can do this while sitting, slowly and quietly so yeah, I did this pretty much everywhere (including in a church lol). I was also in awe when I read that you girls can do the breath technique because guess what? I can do this too and much more.
And like you, I also never had a partnered orgasm. It’s like a haunting blessing thing because I can have the most wonderful and powerful orgasm by myself but never with someone else. Even in dreams, I can do this same technique but with my partner, I could never replicate it. Grrrr
I also learned to orgasm when I was 6-7 years old. I remember watching a movie at my grandparents that wasn’t even a sexual movie I think it was an action/horror movie and clenching my legs and then it felt really good. And from then I knew what to do. I’ve only orgasmed during intercourse with my 2nd partner I’ve ever had – and what helps the most is being on your side either spooning both of you with your legs closed not open and I can mimic the thigh rubbing on my side and orgasm. The only other ways that have been successful are being on your side kind of like the fetal position while your partner is standing up and entering you, and I’ve also done it during doggy style but that one is probably the hardest. I’ve only orgasmed 1 time during missionary and it wasn’t the best.
This is such a cute story. Im an mtf trans person and while i never had the one method problem, i first discovered masturbation through pron masturbation. I still do it from time to time but i beleive the best thing to do is to diversify which is easier said than done after a certain point. this is something id love to see in sex ed to replace the purity culture and abstinace only education that only contribute to the shame while getting in the way of proper education. I dont beleive any method is wrong but too much of a good thing can cause issues
Thankyou for sharing! Also has anyone else here experienced coregasms? I can only get off by working out my core intensely but using hands doesn’t work for me for some reason.
Thank you so much for this article! I’ve used this exact same technique since I was a young child & still enjoy it today at almost 50 years old. I also rubbed off against soft things like cushions & pillows as a child. Somehow I knew that it was something special to be enjoyed alone (I was already a true introvert as well as a dedicated hedonist) & thus never got “caught in the act”.
I learned more about what I was doing at age 10 while on a school camp. I was in year 5, sharing a cabin with my best friends & a couple of slightly older kids from another school. One of the “older” kids (in Year 6, so probably all of 11 herself) was a rather worldly & charismatic girl called Ruth. Among various topics that she regaled me & my friends with was masturbation & she even acted it out (fully clothed) by rubbing herself with her legs apart (but with pajamas on).
Quietly, I thought to myself…so that’s what I’ve been doing since I was about 3 or 4! Although my techniques differed to what Ruth demonstrated…
I love that I can do it wherever & whenever I want, & keep the secret of my pleasure all to myself. I also use it as a precursor or entree to other forms of autoeroticism, as it really gets things started, just like a firelighter! Sometimes it’s simply a pleasant, comforting thing to do without going all the way to orgasm…a form of delicious self – care, like eating a nice meal or dancing to my favourite music.
I feel zero shame about thigh – squeezing masturbation, to me it’s just another way of enjoying solo pleasure & not something to be “cured”. I personally prefer non – direct touch, & I always masturbate through my clothing due to extreme sensitivity (though receiving oral sex is always a hit in the partnered zone). In fact, clothing is an added fun factor as I have a kink for certain types of clothes.
As an non binary person, clothing has enabled me to both create & revel in my gender identity, & reconnect me to a body that has often been a struggle to live in due to chronic illness & gender dysphoria. To me, clothes & autoeroticism are intertwined in pleasure. I feel no guilt or shame about the fact that this is my very specific sexuality. It is what it is!
One’s happiness is one’s own responsibility, as is that of one’s partner(s). Pleasure is ultimately subjective, even when it is being shared with another person. After all, you shouldn’t expect to taste food, smell a perfume, hear a song, or look at something beautiful in the same way as another person does…we’re all enjoying the pleasures of life on our own terms because we all have our own unique responses to them via our bodies & minds.
Beauty & pleasure exist wherever you find them, in a glorious multitude of forms, & guilt can go take a hike, in my opinion!
I feel (theoretically) seen right now. I thigh-clench with a small lumbar pillow and a full bladder and it feels so good. I’m an active Christian, but I’m not the most attractive person physically or Personality-wise, so I have resorted to accepting my spinster days ahead.
I’m 29 now, and I hope to become more aware of my own sexual pleasures. I am unable to afford moving out of my parents’s house (crazy legalistic mom) so any recommended, discreet techniques are acceptable.
I am intrigued. Is anyone willing to give more directions and how to orgasm using your legs and thighs.I mean I’ve read this article carefully and I can imagine but if people have more direct instructions that would be helpful. My very first attempt it feels really hard to do. It doesn’t feel like that pressure would be enough to keep a stimulation going so I’m imagining there’s a lot more rubbing that’s going with the legs. I’m very thin would that affect things?
And if anyone else has instructions about how you would use your core. Maybe this is a problem with my core muscle strength because I don’t know how my core would even get involved.But hey this sounds a lot more fun than going to the gym or pilates.
What I do is: lying down, knees up, cross one leg over onto the other leg, and push the top leg down onto the other leg’s thigh. Try moving the top leg in a circular motion. Sometimes I put a hand in between my legs and press my fingers down on my clit, either in or on top of my underwear. It definitely is a leg work out at the very least! I hope this helps :)
This article has given me hope. I have masturbated this way for the majority of my 26 years of living. I can remember being a toddler and squeezing my legs together to get off. The natural shame received from parents made this a very secretive thing for me. I even did it at school under the table, especially when stressed in exams and things. I’ve been in two long term relationships and haven’t came once during sex or foreplay. I have just ordered the mentioned toy so I am praying this allows me to climax with my legs open. It would make my whole world to be able to climax with my partner.
Try side sex or side spooning with your legs together, it won’t work if your legs are apart, have your partner enter you and you would be the small spoon I guess. You will get a similar sensation to rubbing your thighs together just won’t be crossed which sucks. Also other positions that have worked, youre on your side on the edge of the bed while your partner stands and enters you at the end of the bed and thrusts, or you can try same position but your partner on their knees on the bed. Also soggy style has worked but it does take some practice squeezing your legs together while side by side.
How did it go? Im about to order it. Im getting so frustrated i cant enjoy sex w my partner. Only thigh clenching w my hand between works.
I really relate to the overstimulation of ‘flicking the bean’ and often prefer just my own thoughts, and perhaps a wand or shower head but never starting at a direct angle. Partnered sex has often involved sex toys, which I would encourage people to not feel shame for. When I did like to have partnered sex, one of my fav ways that sometimes even led to orgasm was riding a dick or dildo and stimulating clit with a toy at the same time.
Um I’m 16 and I have been doing this since I was 7. Maybe even before idk. Every time I would do it in the open I would get strange looks from people and the things I would think about were not “proper of a young lady” so I learnt to do it in secret. It always just felt good never orgasmic and soon it stoped feeling good. It just felt like there wasn’t enough stimulation. I assume that this wasn’t bc of what I was doing wrong but what I was thinking. Before I would think of taboo stuff like being with a girl/watching porn but soon those were no longer taboo for me. Nothing excites me anymore. I’ve tried fingering and clit rubbing but it’s way too over stimulating to the point it does not feel good. When I leave my parents I hope to get a toy similar to the one you suggested— https://rosemanticllc.com/products/rose-erection-fantasy—and find someone who is willing to explore sex in different types of ways with me. I try talking to my friends about it but they have no problem with the traditional way so idk. But the reason I write this is to ask if there is anything I can do right now to help masturbation start feeling good again. Maybe dropping some really good sex movies/stories and some different strategies that have allowed you to venture to different ways of masturbation. And also ways that when you grew you were able to have partner sex.
Thanks for reading,
Lee
Hi Lee! Personally I’ve found that I usually have issues getting stimulated with this method when I fall into a rut (using the same fantasy, masturbating in the same position/spot in the house, etc.) Something that helps me is watching a full length semi-erotic or erotic film (lol I love the movies Bound and School of the Holy Beast) before masturbating, since it forces me to get fully aroused before I try to masturbate. I’ve also found that picking a new spot or position to masturbate in helps, I think this is maybe because it prevents me from going into masturbation autopilot. In terms of partnered sex, I’ve found that you can incorporate leg squeezing in a couple different ways! This is actually a really convenient position to sext in (hands free!), which is a great way to get comfortable with leg squeezing with a partner. You can also try squeezing one of your partner’s thighs between yours, which works really well. I’ve also found that wearing a boxer brief style strap on harness over another pair of underwear can stimulate your clitoris in an indirect way that feels similar to leg squeezing. Hope this helps!
Hi lee again,
Thanks for the reply! I definitely was—and still am—in a rut😪. But yes, I am continuing to do it in the same area with the same fantasies for the past 5 years and my girl is getting tired. I will definitely check out the pornos you suggested and try to get myself in the orgasm inducing (😂) environment before attempting anything. I am not against trying a strap when I’m older so that is definitely on the table as well. I would like to ask however how scared should I be about not being able to have sex?
Also I recently found out (but she doesn’t know I found out and is really shy about it) that someone younger than me that I care about also engages in this form of masturbation. What should I tell her? Not to do it because it may cause you later on to have difficulties with sex? Encourage exploration? They are 10 if that helps.
Let me know what you think,
Lee
Thanks. It feels good to know that we ain’t alone. Thank you, really.
Also, any idea if this could cause problems? Like, urinary incontinence…or something..
This has been the only way of pleasuring myself so far (since the age of 12-13) and I experience pain in my hip-inner thigh joint in the front. Should I be concerned?
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I really thought I was alone in thigh squeezing and have always been so ashamed of it. I’ve been thigh squeezing (typically and with best results on my stomach but have also been able to do it with legs crossed in random places) for as long as I can remember. It has been a struggle getting the same sensation with male partnered sex. I’ve only had maybe two or three good orgasms with male partnered sex. Thigh squeezing has always yielded better results! Plus I could have >10 in a row with squeezing method. I struggle with direct stimulation being way too sensitive so the traditional “flicking the bean” never worked for me (also was confused by this and didn’t realize that’s how it was “supposed” to be done). I just bought one of the toys you mentioned above. I just feel such a deep relief to know I’m not the only one and I thank everyone who had the courage to share on the comment thread too. Please if you have any details for tips to transition the thigh squeezing to partnered sex I’m all ears. I would never be able to just do the squeezing method in front of someone though.
OK so I related to this so much as well. However, I’m wondering if anyone gets paranoid about permanently twisting their body in the wrong direction, causing all sorts of imbalances and potential future pain? I can only do it with my right leg over my left, Even though I’ve tried to switch it out of fear of Messing up my bodies anatomy. Is this a weird fear? I swear my body is twisted in the wrong direction like my left shoulder and hip are messed up. And whenever I try to practice yoga, I get into my head because I just keep thinking how crossing my legs must mess up my body. I’m curious if anyone else who squeezes their legs thinks about this as often as I do?
Hello so my husband has accused me of this for years. I have a small clitoris and large labia. Any time I lay on my side or sit sit or stand a certain way he accuses me of this he’s video taped me with permission. Knock out fights forced vaginal exams by him he takes my underwear and takes pics. I’ve explained I cannot get off this way or is the sensation pleasurable. I feel it but it’s not a feel good feeling. For me I have to “flick the bean” and use a alot of constant pressure. He doesn’t believe me. I have always been open about sex my mom was open taught me how to put a condom on at 8 caused I asked what one was …I never felt I had to hide my self it was always “everybody does it” I have bi polar and spinal birth defects that cause nerve damage I have hip displasia extreme anxiety and depression . I try to tell him about tics.. sciatica pain muscle spasms.. and he pretty much tells me I’m a liar. And this is why I have issues getting off with g spot.. can some one help me get him to understand not every girl can masturbate this way
Sam, I’m concerned about how your husband is communicating with you. You said he calls you a liar, did I get that right? It might be helpful to have a conversation with him at time when you will not be having sex, so you can tell him how his words and actions make you feel. If that doesn’t work, maybe writing him a letter could help? I’m worried that he is not treating you with enough kindness and respect.
Can’t believe that I’m really not alone! I only told a few girls about this in high school and they thought I was very weird. This was relieving to find.
I’m a virgin, and I’m worried that I will never be able to have sex because the way I find pleasure is too unique. Insertion and oral sex both seem uncomfortable, and I am barely comfortable touching myself directly, like with my fingers. I’m 23 😅
This article gave me so much hope. Thank you Bella and Maddy!
Thank you so much for this article! 🙏🏻 It’s currently the middle of the night and it came to mind to check whether there is such a thing as ‘thigh-squeezing’ as I always thought I was the only one doing it. I was always ashamed of it, thinking something is not right and well… I’m turning 29 soon and never had a single orgasm but have been thigh-squeezing since I can remember (probably the age of 5-6?).. Such a strange thing and so glad I’m not alone.
Reading this I realise what my wife is doing sometimes…
While in lady on top, she will lie on me, with full penetration, and bring her legs together, squeezing me and presumably herself too.
She then slides slightly up and down my body clenching and unclenching her thighs, in a sort of swimming movement, until she comes, after which at some point she relaxes and when she’s ready lets her legs slide outward opening herself up and allowing me to move and come.
Honestly, I think the cross-legged thigh squeezing thing is extremely sexy, and doesn’t need fixing.
I’m from India and I’m in the squad too.I didn’t know this was masturbation but I had been doing it from when I was 5 yrs old when no one was around.And yes I feel nothing when I use my fingers.Only when I clench my legs and squeeze fast,holding my breath,I get the contractions down there.
Yes! Same
I remember vividly being around 7 years old and doing this on a train ride. My mom told me “don’t do that in public” and I was really confused, but I stopped. Through the years I’ve realized it was probably masturbation but I was too scared to admit/look into it. Welp. I’ve never been with anyone before let alone had sex so I don’t know what it’ll be like
This article has given me hope. I have not experienced a real orgasm for a long time and the best solution for me now is masturbation. Sometimes I masturbate to photos of girls on dating sites, you can see it here https://ukrainian-ladies.net/. But sometimes I can’t get excited enough to have an orgasm. Who else has this problem?
My wife has a similar trait. She only gets arousal when I touch her clitoris, while intercourse or finger insertion doesn’t do her a thing. She also likes to masturbate like described in the article above; i.e. by lying stomach-down on bed and then squeezing her thighs around vagina/clitoris rhythmically. I am hoping if I could find better techniques/sex-positions that could potentially help her more enjoy the intercourse sex.
Best!
Ok I am late to the party but I loved this article. I have done the thigh squeeze for as long as I remember and have had very public orgasms in libraries, coffee shops, and airplanes. I’m very happy to hear I’m not alone!