three jumping gray dots
what mysteries do you hold
i hope they’re gentle
they’re doing the wave
gray dots are working the crowd
they can feel your ache
notification
red encircled white number
your ten-year-old face
another alert
blue encircled white number
one-forty well done
pulsating red rings
there’s no one new around you
it’s time for a move
green circle we’re live
gray circle we’ve gone absent
what’s outside feel like
colors, numbers, shapes
they’re still keeping us engaged
forever children
iconic duo:
your ex and netflix account
real love never dies
when you hide their posts
then find out they’ve unfriended
*white guy blinking gif*
comforting to know
‘hey girl’ memes are still around
some things go untouched
george takei the brand
dictating what goes viral
taste of real power
moms love george takei
teenagers love george takei
man of the people
“first post in a while”
that new instagram alert
feels like a soft neg
saddest short story
a blinking pizza tracker
modern baby shoes
it’s gonna be may
will never not be funny
haters are fake news
sometimes i’ll right swipe
based on instagram handle
there’s power in names
where’s our mallory
has she left us forever
i’m cold and afraid
re: digital ads
what is glossier’s budget
like three trillion or
lol OMGYES
“closing the orgasm gap”
y’all wild for this one
Wherever Mallory Ortberg is, I hope she’s checking in with Roxane Gay on a regular basis.
I MISS THE TOAST SO MUCH
SAME THO :-/
SO DAMN MUCH
I know there’s a toastie slack but I don’t understand new internet stuff and it’s not the saaaaame
I stumbled across some FB page a while back that posts funny art history memes and I got so mad because YOU CAN’T EVEN COME CLOSE, YOU BASTARDS
Mallory Ortberg is doing Dear Prudence for Slate and it’s amazing!!
Yes she is. But I miss her own twitter and blog posts :(
ok i have a question regarding Dear Prudence bc when Emily Yoffe was doing it i could never decide if it was a satirical column or not, but now that mallory is doing it it actually seems somewhat sane?? how did the internet become so difficult to navigate
I feel like at first Mallory Ortberg’s Dear Prudence was really snarky? But it quickly mellowed out and now she seems to be using the column to provide genuine advice.
i just remembered that was a thing this week and have been binge-ing the dear prudence podcast has made my week 500% better would recommend
omg I listen to the Dear Prudence podcast all the time just to feel closer to her! *sob*
She also quoted from Star Trek TNG a couple of weeks ago and I couldn’t have been happier / crushing harder
“May this week bring more ‘Temba, his arms wide’ and less ‘Shaka, when the walls fell.’ Let us together be as Darmok and Jalad on the ocean.”
…still miss The Toast tho… so much.
Those grey dot feels though! And also:
seen but not replied
how can one tiny icon
hold so much power
this haiku sums up the past few weeks for my whole friend circle i might have to frame it for us all
also when your ex made off with the netflix account and you gotta get your own.
mallory is here! https://bitchmedia.org/article/mallory-ortberg-qa
honestly tho now I use my gf’s and my mom has an icon in our account and it’s unlikely we’ll break up but if we do she’ll be breaking up with me and my mom on netflix.
This Mallory Q&A is such a relief. Thanks m. teerexington!!
OK yeah can someone tell me what OMGYes is? Is it for straight women to learn about how to come and then teach their boyfriends? What is an orgasm gap? Is this 1950 or is sleeping with men just that bad?
“haters are fake news” got me through the end of the week