Hi, apple pies! Welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread.
This week I’m catsitting for my ex- (now ex’s) cat, which is transparently an excuse to take a working vacation in an apartment that, unlike mine, has somewhere to sit outside and more than one door. She partially paid me in groceries and booze, which has been really lovely for my productivity, and I get to hang out with some family while I’m in town (I’m definitely bringing my youngest relatives Lumberjanes). So far the cat seems only slightly confused.
Right after this he started trying to eat my phone.
A few of my thoughts lately have included: How is it almost October? How is it still warm enough to sit outside in Canada? What is the appeal of the whole pumpkin spice thing? (I have never had a pumpkin spice latte because of lactose/soy allergies.) Will I ever be less busy? Where can I buy a time turner or that watch they had in Clockstoppers? Would it be inappropriate to use said time turner or science watch so I can sleep in?
Going away, whether for a few days or a few months, is always an interesting experience for me, or rather an interesting experience for the people I visit, when they look in awe at how little luggage I’ve brought. For a week away, I have a knapsack. For a few months away earlier this year, I brought a carry-on-sized duffle bag and a purse just big enough to hold my tiny laptop and, resentfully, more than one pair of shoes. I tend to travel with only three sweaters, but the truth is that I also own only three sweaters.
This is a dramatic interpretation because I’m doing laundry. The black one actually has full-length sleeves.
My presentation is “minimalist femme,” which is sometimes “broke femme” and sometimes “just haven’t really thought that much about this femme” and sometimes “afraid that it’ll be worse to get this ‘wrong’ than to just not try femme.” My general approach to clothing is that I try not to think about it more than I have to, but I am bored with that and also with wearing basically the same thing every day, and since Carmen put a new wardrobe in her fall resolutions the time for change is now.
I’ve been reading Women in Clothes, which is basically a huge series of multi-form discussions about the way people think about their clothes, but the majority of the people in it are straight, and so I’m wondering: how do you think about clothing, and your queerness, and your life? What is your non-standard presentation? (Hard femme? Skater butch? Sparkle butch? Flannel genderqueer? Jennifer Lawrence on a dark night?) What do you want to achieve when you dress? Do you have an outfit that you wear every day or when you want to feel a certain way or that always reminds you of something or that lets you forget something else? What do you wear when you move through the world? What do you wear alone at home?
I also want to hear your feelings about travel or being friends with your ex or being friends with your kittens of divorce or whether you would like to start a club for people who have not tried pumpkin spice lattes or what you’re doing tonight or who you’re doing tonight or anything at all. Let’s hang out.
this was the least threatening photo of someone else’s wardrobe I could find (via)
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I’ve been trying to pare down the size of my wardrobe recently and it’s really hard. Probably a better solution is for my girlfriend and I to obtain a bigger closet.
I like this “minimalist femme” idea, though.
If you ever want convincing I’m really good at convincing people they should throw things out.* (Mostly because it’s fun! Also because then you can see everything you like and you only have things you like and that feels good.)
* Donate, recycle, give away, etc.
Amen to that! I am SO not a hoarder of things, and occasionallly throw things out to later regret it, but that is very rare.
I work at costco, where the uniform is dad core. I tuck in my polos there, which do not have horses embroidered on them, is what I’m saying.
Not at work me takes off my belt(insert MOC collective gasp that it is nearly my only one) and throws on a grey or green t shirt. Or a grey or green or navy short sleeved button up. Or a grey or black or grey/brown waffle knit shirt. Or a grey or slightly darker grey flannel shirt, possibly with stripes of a color.
Meanwhile my closet is full to bursting with ties and shirts and blazers and not-jeans in many varieties which I have almost no occasion to ever wear. But I live in hope.
Gonna take you on dates so those blazers get some air.
you are so hot right now
Clothing is one of my favorite topics, especially right now with Women In Clothes! I pick a new inspiration every day or week and I don’t really mean to, but it just happens. Today it was like mountain biking style (which is like vans and a short sleeve button up everyday for most of us) meets Abbey Gapcko, but much less intense than Gapcko. I think I have spent most days for the past month wanting my wardrobe to mirror Kate Mulhern’s (and Alex Vega’s which feels weird to admit on AS, but she should be flattered, right?). I never actually look like either of them, but in my mind I do which totally counts.
At home I pretty much exist in tshirts and lacrosse shorts with whatever remnants of my biking clothes that I haven’t taken off yet.
Ooh and about being friends with your ex, I’m working so much on that right now. My girlfriend of 2.5 years and I broke up at the beginning of the summer and are working on being friends. Sometimes things are awkward and weird, but we still have a good time together because we know more about one another than anyone and have very compatible humor.
This weekend is my birthday and I’m going to drive a really legit go-kart at a place created by a former race car driver. And then I’m going to a restaurant in Denver where attractive girls seem to congregate. On Sunday I’m driving to Wyoming to mountain bike! THIS WEEKEND IS GONNA ROCK!
In reverse order:
Happy birthday! :D
About the ex – oy. All I can say is, keep your pants on. Sure Seal those suckers on.
And, thinking your rocking anybody’s style is totally what counts. Alex Vega was my fashion hero when I first discovered long hair and boi clothes. Carry the torch far.
Haha, thanks for the advice. I didn’t think I was in need of it for a while, but I probably am. Being friends with your ex is weird.
Alex Vega is the only person who makes me think that I could ever possibly have long hair again (although I know I never will).
OK, vaguely related to the subject of clothes, I actually have a question for my fellow teachers and/or people who work with children. I lean towards masculine-of-centre style so at work I usually wear chinos and a button-down or polo shirt. 90% of the time I teach teens and adults and I don’t run into problems related to my gender expression. However, last week I acquired a class of 8-year-olds and it’s a different story…
The kids are very confused by my appearance and keep returning to the ‘boy or girl’ question, and constantly discuss it amongst themselves, sometimes in a quite pejorative sort of way. While I think it’s good for them to be exposed to a visibly queer/gender-non-conforming adult, their preoccupation is getting slightly uncomfortable for me and also distracts from the lesson itself. I’m not sure how to approach the issue. (Complication: they have a very low level of English, so explanation won’t work too well. My Spanish is also not yet up to the task of having nuanced discussions, and we’re not meant to use Spanish in class anyway.) I’d really appreciate any input from people who’ve found themselves in similar situations.
When I was living in Indonesia I went with “in America women often have very short hair and dress in men’s clothing” and that was remarkably fine; I have no actual advice for your situation, though, and I’m sorry that you have to be the one to deal with the pejoratives. :-(
Sam, I dress almost the same as you. 3 pairs of jeans and one style of shirt that’s half button down, in 7 different colours.
I work with teenagers; all year I’ve been battling the ‘why don’t you wear makeup/wear a dress/have short hair/avoid topics’. I don’t get upset in the moment, but will take the child aside later on and talk quietly about how their comment upset me/why I’m not like that. Whilst I’m not “out” at work, the kids have intimated that I’m gay and I don’t deny it.
I’ve also targeted the derogatory use of the word “gay” in my program. I call them out on it, remind them of the meaning and then ask them to substitute a word. It took a lot of work, but now they pull each other up on it! When talking about relationships, I’ll tell the kids they can love whoever they want, mainly because I wish a significant adult had verbalised that with me when I was their age. Again, the kids have picked up on this and relationships conversations are very different to the start of the year! I’ve learnt a lot about how small actions = big change, particularly when you have honest discussions.
Last year my niece started asking if I was a boy and then straight out started calling me that. It absolutely broke my heart, even more so because my brother/sis in law didn’t stop it. When I sat down with my niece later, I explained that I liked to dress differently, just like she likes dresses and having long hair. But these things don’t change our heart for each other. Then I gave her a big kiss and cuddle and it’s never been an issue since.
Kids, particularly young ones can be cruel, but most of the time it’s unintentional. I’m sure if they knew how upset you were they’d be horrified! Best advice: ignore it. They will eventually move on/come up with their own answers. I think it’s mainly that you’re new and they’re probably trying to work you out.
(Sorry for the really long response)
Actually I’m pretty sure that I own more than three sweaters…but where are they?
I think, at 34 I’m finally ready to admit and conform to the German saying”Clothes make people”.
I really like being casual and down to earth at work, but I’m sick of people confusing casualness with unprofessionalism.So, time to pony up, at least a little bit and do some shopping.
Funny thing, though, with going shopping with friends.
One straight friend dragged me over to the guy section in the store cause they had the cooler stuff, and I still love those sweaters we bought, another friend insisted I buy this really cute,fluffy,feminine sweater, that I haven’t worn since buying it.
I love that I can go full on butch one day, and femme the next and wear suspenders with my dress pants the third, but I do notice that some people might be theoratically totally ok with the Gay thing as long as I don’t show it or put them out of their comfort zone.
Coming to think of it, clothes are such a big part of our identity,no wonder we change styles so much.
I’m planning to grow up,these days, I guess.
I do wish,though, someone would have told me how much guts it takes to browse through the guy section of the store. Is that one of the things that gets easier with time?
My motto for not knowing what to wear,btw?
“When in doubt,go drag.”
Stay warm everyone and take care!
This happens to me almost every time I go shopping with (straight) friends. I have gotten very good at returning things.
I think I’ll just stick with going out for coffee,then. I’m horrible at returning things.
my strategy for the mens is to go straight to the underwear everytime, like an Awkwardness Inoculation for the rest of it.
I bought boy briefs at American Apparel a couple of years back and the gay guy at the cash register gave me a wink and the biggest smirk the entire time. There are things better ordered online…
Shopping from the men’s section does get easier by the time, at least in my experience. In the beginning it was kind of awkward (especially thanks to my parents who would stand there being visibly uncomfortable) but now I couldn’t care less. Plus, think of it this way: no matter how weird it may feel or regardless of the looks you could get, you will end up with nice clothes that make you feel comfortable (also you have the whole store to shop from, not just one department)!
*with time
Shopping in the guy’s section definitely gets easier with time and with practice. I nearly had a panic attack the first time I shopped in the men’s/boy’s section. And then again the first time I bought boxers in a store as opposed to online.
But practice makes perfect, and since I wear mostly men’s/boy’s clothes I’ve had a lot of practice giving zero fucks about what people think when I’m shopping in the men’s section. Most days I’m completely comfortable with it. Grab a friend that supports you and head for those sweater’s in the men’s department that make you feel sexy! :)
Seeing some live music tonight, and will be wearing pretty much this:
But for the top, I might sub in a cranberry button-down I scored at the thrift last weekend, if I’m up to ironing.
I have been car-free for three weeks now, which means biking everywhere. So I get the added challenges of wearing something stretchy, and that I won’t die in, since it’s 103 degrees out. This also explains why my shoes get so dirty.
I guess I would describe my style as “too young for my age”. Also, on a budget (see thrift mention, above).
Travel = essential to live fully. It doesn’t have to be far or exotic, just different.
Friends with exes = Some are, others, I still can’t even see their names without bawling. So no.
I am also car-free and dress “too young for my age”! I think.
I find traveling quite scary, even not-so-far-but-not-so-short distances, but it is essential; it does shake me up in a good way. It helps energize me for the purposes of creative stuff (I’m a writer, more or less).
The more you travel, the less scary it gets. Hang in there darlin, and think of all the writing fodder you’re gathering.
And hugs from me as well. :)
It’s laundry day so I will be wearing clothes my sister will not miss but will magically appear when she needs it! So it’s black sweater and black harem pants that I see a lot of fashion-forward men wear at brunch. I imagine my closet being tomboy femme that wears lots of black and addiction to shopping at Topman.
As AS has wonderfully let us know that it is Bi-Awarness/Visibility week so I’ve been reading things all bi related. I’m dating a girl who is bi and I don’t think she is aware of it, besides most of her friend group are mainly straight girls who might give you a kiss when drunk, which is cool, you do you. Anyway I sent her some articles from AS and other sources so she does not feel “alone” or overwhelmed when I take her to queer spaces. I really liked the comments from those who realized the bi waves washing over them but have a hard time dating either gender. In hindsight I do remember her saying that it’s hard to feel comfortable in queer-women spaces because some people “ughhhhh heterosexual people!”
I say “heterosexual shit” but I also say “gay/queer shit.” Sometimes I say it in a endearing tone sometimes I’m complaining about heterosexism it depends. I just think it’s great that I was able to learn and feel things like solidarity and hunger for some cake.
Also my sister and I did the cutest thing for her boyfriend for his birthday in which she made dinner and had it on our amazing rooftop at our apartment. I used my fancy ~*~*sparkly~*~*vest and dressed up as a waiter to bring them food and wine and it was adorable. My sister’s boyfriend laughed so hard because it was a hot ass mess as I butchered a French accent, there were times I sounded just drunk. Because of this, he will in turn do the same favor for me when I find me a special lady and make a rooftop dinner.
My sister wanted to participate however she very clumsy and figured she would dance or something. The only thing I would have to promise I’m in a relationship with a lady for at least a year because she does not want to, “pull the bells and whistles for basic bitches.” LOL!
Everything else is going great and I discovered Trader Joe’s cookie butter, sweet lesbian jesus take the wheel….and all my spoons.
Your family sounds fantastic.
aww loved this! Plus *sparkly vest!*
Also, just this week I learned about cookie butter. I am unsure if I should try it or not.
I am actually eating cookie butter with a spoon as I type this.
You are my hero.
Oh, I’ve never been an apple pie before. I hope im the good kind that you have ice cream with when the pie’s all warm.
What im wearing tonight is slouchy clothes. It’s been a rough day and a rough week, and I’ve been really struggling. Today i did something pretty important with regards to recovery. And today i dont feel as exhausted right now as ive been feeling, which is. .. different. I mean, i could still take a nap, hecks yeah.
I feel like i got femme-y after i came out to my parents, which idk what that means, if anything. I wore femme stuff at camp. But sometimes i dont dress really femme. And then i feel a little strange. I mean, my clothes arent really femme bc i only just started dressing more like that this year. So i have a lot of stuff that’s like, sweaters from the “men’s” section of goodwill, things like that. And sometimes i still want to wear them, but–& i know this sounds stupid–i sometimes feel like im “betraying” something? But then sometimes i dont feel comfortable in the femme clothes. And then, even worse, are the days where nothing feels comfortable on my body (today’s one of those days).
I mean, i have lots of clothes, even after getting rid of some. I feel ridiculous and i dont even know what on earth im doing when it comes to clothes and presenting myself. I wore a plaid button down and shorts and boots today, so i didn’t look femme at all.
So uh. That was pointless rambling but there are my two cents?? : x um.
it’s really hard to be comfortable in clothes sometimes. sometimes I just want a collection of…dapper capes. yeah.
You do you!!!!!!!!!!!! And slouchy clothes are the best especially when you have a case of the floppies. =)
Glad I’m not the only person who’s made “floppies” a part of their vocabulary
Hey! Yay for important steps to recovery! I’ve been sending you happy vibes this week <3 And presentation is as fluid as sexuality for some people, and as fluid as what we can afford. ;) Being comfortable in your skin is what shows off how you feel!
Obviously the kind with ice cream. Also congrats on doing an awesome hard thing yesterday!
So this has been a weird week and I now have 4 days to write 3000 words, I’m working 3 of them and one of those is mine and missus 8th anniversary so I’m not working on it then because obviously it’s date night! Woop 8 years! As for what I wear:
I live in jeans and tees with waffle knits or henleys and flannel or camo shirts or cardigans. I look forward to the cooling weather so I can get my Duffle coat out and wear more cuddly wool jumpers and hoodies. I own no heels. Live in boots and vans or high tops or similar. Colour wise I’m all muted tones and dark colours or grey with splashes of bright in the plaids. I guess I would call it grunge tomboy but pushing towards grunge soft butch. I grew out my side shave and quiff bleached blond & leopard print hair to brown normal below shoulder hair which I do nothing with, its just a long curly birds nest, I hoped it’d look sort of surfer but no. So yeah that’s me. The long hair is still sometimes a shock. I’m getting use to it and I feel like I look less gay which bothered me at first, (I was reading loads of queer theory at that time and having a bit of an existential thing with my MA work which is about visibility), but then I walk like a dude and dress like a dude so it balances out.
Aaand my dog is snoring and it’s adorable.
Happy Friday folks :)
Congrats! 8 years is intense and wonderful.
Thanks, it’s gone fast :)
I hear you with the long hair thing! It’s like – hey, I still wanna be visibly gay! But, comfortable in my own skin, which wants long hair. But ten uncomfortable because I wanna be visibly gay! Aaaaargh!!!! But you’re right, us boy-types generally can’t help being visibly gay whether we like it or not.
Yes! I think our own community can spot us for sure but outside of that it’s odd. I’ve had a couple of catcalls from random guys and that just gives me rage and never ever used to happen. Random folk would ask about or ask to pet my head before but at least they’d ask and it was mainly middle aged women (I assumed they missed their cat) and there was never a scary sexual undertone it. Stupid whistling shouting douchey men making me angry at my hair.
The hair thing is true though. I hated my long hair (that was always up in a ponytail or a bun) but now that it’s short it doesn’t feel that right either. Maybe it’s the haircut that sucks idk. I guess next time I will show the hairdresser a picture of 2013 Tegan Quin. :P
I had short hair for 15 years and loved it but grew it out because getting it cut so regularly was getting expensive…even with a cheap hairdresser. Basically laziness and cheap-ass-ness is my reason for having long hair. Plus it’s going to keep me warm. Go for that Quin hair dude :)
So, yes I have been under a rock for the last 20 years, but what is the difference between grunge tomboy and grunge soft butch? So confused with all the labels, any help for an old lady…
My theory with that whole thing is that in fashion articles tom boys sometimes (frequently) wear heels and girl tops…and I don’t ever, Bras are basically the only girl specific clothes I own so am more towards butch. But I do wear eye makeup and have long hair…so only soft butch.
Nailed it.
I’m a jeans and t-shirt kinda gal so I’d say 99.9999% of my closet consists of that. The other 1% is made up of flannels.
I bought two shirts recently and they arrived today:
Yay!
Also, in doing a search, I stumbled into this and asked myself why I don’t own it yet?
Jeans and t-shirt crew unite!
Oh shining being spread your gloriousness by telling us where that t-shirt so perfectly wrought for queer ladies is from.
Where did you find that thing? As a community we must knooow.
Oh, so sorry! I quickly made the post whilst still at work where I should have been working and not Autostraddlin’. :D
http://www.lookhuman.com/design/32141-show-me-your-kitties
It comes it fluffy sweater form?
After a long, grueling week balancing 18 college credits, two internships and an incredibly stressful family situation, I opted for sweatpants and a tank top, because sometimes Fridays call for a night in.
This tired me just reading it hahaha Boxers and a tank are as far as I get on days like that…
This morning when I was getting ready for work I kept thinking … what is office appropriate that also works for going out to music with friends in the city AND that I’m okay with wearing at 8am but also okay with wearing at 1am…..? I made a snap decision and think I did okay, but I’m also wondering what other people would have suggested?!
Minimalist femme though… that might work for what I need in my life right now.
Hmmm, that is quite the quandry.
What did you end up choosing? I’m very curious! That’s a long day. I feel like comfort would be paramount.
I might have done a stretchy dress that could go day-to-night by changing out a blazer/sweater for bare arms and bright lipstick. Or a sexy black pant of some type and a sheer shirt that could go day-to-night by removing a cami underneath (or not).
Funny you should mention outfits…I was rocking my best tomboy femme look today, and since my little brother takes bomb pictures I’m going to share it with you:
Also can we talk about how hard it is to tell when girls are hitting on you because I’m pretty sure there was a girl flirting with me on the train today but I may have been misinterpreting…
*snaps for the kids*
If you ever figure out the “is this person flirting with me or not” please let me know. I once went on a date without realizing that’s what it was until more than a week later. I mean, all girls like to get super dressed up to go see Shakespeare in the park and then have a romantic picnic with a total stranger, right?!
So obviously I missed ALL of the flirting/signals.
this is fantastic!
Freaking ROCKIN’ outfit! Your sense of fashion has inspired me artistically. (Like, I need to draw this outfit) Nice earrings, by the way!
VERY fab.
It is basically impossible to tell. My new tactic is to stare blankly at them until they clarify…though to be honest, this has always been my tactic and it has worked 0 times.
(My tactic tends to be stumble over my phrases and blush a lot, and then mishear words bringing to light my total lack of comprehension of modern slang.) And thank you all! This is exactly why I love this site so much–the community is stellar.
Oh my god this is such an amazing outfit!!! Ugh inspiration!!! *high fives*
legs!!
Love this outfit.
Just wow. Really amazing outfit.
Daaaaaaaaaaaaang
I am wearing a sweater, jeans, and chucks, because I was canoeing earlier but I also have work, and I’m allergic to wearing more than one outfit a day.
I have never had a pumpkin spice latte but I have tried pumpkin spice syrup straight from the bottle and it was a huge mistake.
Two Juliets in a row and one of them isn’t me. This is the apocalypse. (But seriously I’ve never actually met anyone with my name before.) Also, hello other Juliet, it’s very good to meet you. I have never tried a pumpkin spice latte either.
hahahha, EWWWW to pumpkin syrup! lol.
I guess I’d classify myself as a ‘minimalist femme’/Nordstrom addict who owns endlessly varying shades of grey and black clothing. Seeing a show tonight and wearing an old standby: heeled distressed ankle boots, light denim cuffed shorts and a sheerish cashmere-blend black long sleeve. Simple hoop earrings and minimal makeup, maybe some lip stain. I’ve been into pairing black knee-high stockings and shorts lately for cool summer nights. Also generally love touches of gold jewelry and slouchy knit sweaters. Is any of this categorizable in terms of queer fashion?
Hi hello can we be friends so I can see inside your closet? (I am all about grey and black, and your makeup/jewellery situation sounds like my makeup/jewellery situation.)
Also I tend to categorize “queer fashion” broadly as “fashion a queer person is wearing” so.
Yes to grey and black!
I just tried on several different things to find my perfect coming out-fit. i might chicken out though.
You can do it!
Good luck!!
You got this. And even if today’s not the day, I hope your confidence continues to grow. Best of luck~
How did I miss this yesterday?!! Good luck! Wear something plucky that makes you feel brave! Clothing can be armor!
Currently I have my favourite outfit on which is nothing special in any way whatsoever (it’s sky blue skinny jeans and a very light blue, almost white band t-shirt I bought). I am the 2nd of 4 girls and I was always the tomboyish one so when it came to fashion I never wanted anything to do with it, same goes for anything else I deemed “girly”. Now that I’m 19 and I’ve had some time to grow up I realize that it’s okay to want to do your hair or wear something with pink on it or any number of things I felt to insecure about when I was little.. the only problem is that I have absolutely no style. I can’t tell someone if their outfit matches or if it looks good because I honestly have no clue. As far as doing my hair, I can straighten my bangs.. that is the most I can do other than just brushing it. I can’t even blow dry my hair. It will take my sisters like 10 minutes to dry their hair and although I’ve only attempted it like 2 times it took me about 25 minutes before I gave up and walked away with damp hair.
Yes to the club for people who haven’t tried pumpkin spice lattes! I would totally join it haha. I hate pretty much everything pumpkin, it’s such a gross flavour.
Traveling is great! I don’t really have much experience, I went to Mexico 3 years ago. Other than Mexico the furthest I’ve gone is to my Grandma’s place in Northern BC, or actually I guess the town right next to hers in Alaska would be ever so slightly further, plus I’m actually leaving the country to go there.
As for what I’m doing tonight.. I just wrote my quiz for Sociology and I should do some review for all my classes but I’m going to put it off until tomorrow. Instead I’m going to call my aunt and chat with her for a bit, then I might skype with my little sister and my baby niece. Lastly I’m going to watch Hocus Pocus tonight, I’ve been dying to watch it all week but I’ve been so busy with my classes that I haven’t had a free minute to do so.
I hope everyone has an awesome night and an equally awesome weekend! :)
It took me a long time to realize it was okay to be into “girly” things too! It’s always a relief to know other people were the same, and are also bad at knowing whether things match or not (I just wear black and grey and rarely white and sometimes navy blue to get crazy).
Yay to no pumpkin! I don’t drink coffee or anything of that sort, but the only pumpkin thing I’ve ever enjoyed is a beer.
Yay! I agree, it is a relief to know that it took some time for other people to realize it’s okay to be into “girly” things too. I felt so weird for so long, and then upon realizing it’s okay to be interested in some of these other things it still kind of feels weird. People get used to you being a certain way and then when you start dressing differently or listening to different music or whatever it might be they definitely take note. I hate when my family comments on a style change I’ve made, I’ve never really been one to like any attention drawn to me so this is something it’s taken a lot of time to get used to. It helps that my best friend is my aunt though, and I super admire her. My family has started to write off a lot of my changes as me just copying my aunt and I’m not gonna lie, I’m totally okay with it if it keeps them from commenting on it.
Black and grey are great! They are so slimming! I bought a white shirt to wear slightly over a year ago now, and I have yet to wear it once. I wanted it so badly but now I’m scared that I will stain it or something so instead it just sits in my closet for me to stare at. Haha navy blue is also good, I have one shirt that’s navy blue and I love it, but I don’t wear it very often because I feel kind of self conscious in it.
Hocus Pocus, WIN!
So I don’t know exactly how I dress – but I do know how I ‘usually’ dress. Button up – I have everything from tuxedo shirt to ripped flannel – skinny jeans – and some manner of boots (or today oxfords). I tend to learn towards more masculine colors and styles – but always leave a few buttons undone.
I had this weird experience today. I was in a shop, browsing, hoping to find (as usual) something to wow my girlfriend who I’m on my way to see right now. And I got fixated on something that is so not me. But I tried it on. And I look hot. I have to say. But it’s loose here and clingy there and kind of femmy and makes me look softer than usual and I feel weird about it. I’m in a rock it, but I’m gonna feel weird about it.
Does anyone else have this? Where sometimes they’ll find something from somewhere on the spectrum that they’re not used to, but love it? Does it make you question where you actually are on the spectrum? Am I overthinking this sweater? I think we can all agree that yes, yes I am.
That actually happens to me all the time! It even happens within where I am on the spectrum (e.g., I should probably be all over flow-y soft things, and they can look nice on me, but they are not fitted like things I usually wear, so they make me feel weird. Or I try a thing I saw on the internet and it works the way it did on the internet, but is not me).
I mean how do you feel about the sweater now?
I love it now! Wore it yesterday and the girlfriend couldn’t stop telling me how great I looked in it. And that’s without my telling her my uncertainty about it. It’s officially going in the ‘favorite shirts that make me feel like a boss’ pile.
Ohmygoshyes!!! Totally! My sister has lost an assload of weight recently due to gastric bypass and was going through lots of different sized clothes, and when she hit my size I got her hand me downs. I looked great in all of them, cause we have a similar body type. Some of it I really liked, but it was very figure-flattering, chest-centric stuff, and I felt like I was dressing in drag. But a couple pieces I was like… You know what, this is not something I would ever have seen myself wearing, but it’s comfortable and ticks all my boxes for practicality, so why not? I feel like I’m presenting more femininely than Id like to, and that makes me uncomfortable, but I have decided to rise above and not care what other people think of me. :D
Heck yes! I love this. Love.
I am too sad and tired to dress myself and so I am wearing very large blue cabbage-dotted pajama pants that I must hold up when I venture toward the kitchen to procure more wine, although on my next trip I shall leave the wine at my side so as not to go through all that bother again. The bother of kidding myself, that is. Usually I wear cardigans (over a flannel shirt, which is itself over a t shirt; all three of these items are often three different shades of the same color, so as to give the impression of fading away or coming at you….or something), of which I have many; the remainder of the ensemble matters not a whit. In the interest of becoming more steampunk, in life and in bodywear, I am following multiple steampunk tumblrs and coveting items discovered therein, the procurement of which would require far more effort than this evening’s kitchen trips, and thus…well I’m fucked. It just occurred to me that a paisley cardigan would be a solid item to own. Ah, puns. I’m in love with someone I’ve never met and my whole stupid body hurts. And I really want to start a band and I am wondering if all this wine is going to assist me in this evening’s endeavor to continue my zine art, probably not. I wonder if I’m going to do anything with my life besides lounge about in these large blue cabbage-dotted pajama pants, probably not. At some point, I’ll wash them. Thus endeth the comment.
this comment gives the impression that I only wear bottoms when sad and only wear tops when…less sad. w/e, everything you’ve heard about me is true!
(perpetuating my inadvertently established auto-tradition of commenting on my own comments)
: ( do you need any hugs?
yes, I think so (thank you :))
wait, what? that wasn’t a pun. must drown out memory of not making sense. :|
nooo it’s totally a pun b/c paisley is a print and therefore not a solid (i.e. solids are not prints) right? that’s what i thought anyway.
it’s what a thought i meant but then i questioned myself, like i do. i’ll write a limerick about it, that seems like the next logical activity.
*what i thought i meant
My heart goes out to you! I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
*HUGS*
:)
I just…. I wanna know how you’re doing today…. How are you doing?
Hopefully not too hungover? Feeling a little better? Wearing a shirt?
all of the above!
This evening I am wearing my “I would wear this everyday all the time because nothing else makes me feel as comfortable or as ‘me’ as this outfit”. Namely: brown boots, blue skinny jeans, tshirt, loose drape-y sweater, big scarf.
I love this outfit, and I would wear a variation of it every day if I could, but unfortunately I just started a job in a law firm which requires me dress up a bit more. Luckily, it’s a pretty casual place as far as law firms go, but jeans are still a big no-no. It’s been two months now and I’m still figuring out how to dress like ME, but a more professional version of me.
If anyone’s got suggestions, especially those that won’t break the bank, they’d be very much appreciated! Some of the AS style guides have been super useful already, so that’s awesome. I’ve basically got it down to dress pants, button-ups, and blazers or knit sweaters, but I’m having issues with the shoes…I also want to stay more MOC but without full-on suiting up. My style is more masculine-inspired women’s wear.
Ugh being professional sucks. Luckily, I can dress down tonight because I’m meeting a friend for drinks who just got back to town from 2 years living in the UK, and I’m SUPER excited to see him!
I have nothing to contribute, but that i am forever glad I never have to think about wearing “professional” clothing. UGH. I was in a business casual office for a year after college and HATED IT. A uniform is absolutely perfect for me.
I call my look sparkly gender fluid david bowie dapper punk goth. I’m complicated and have a lot of clothing and gender related feelings.
I love your tie!
I am also very enthused about David Bowie! I suspect I’m quite goth and might work toward incorporating more punk into my gothness.
Thanks! It’s one of my favorites.
here for this
I’ve been really into athletic clothes lately, and I’ve always loved neutrals. I can’t say for sure if its my style or laziness, but probably a mix of both ;)
Also I finally signed up to take the MCAT, so even though I’ve been studying the past two months, now I’m hardcore studying everyday since its really expensive/I can’t get behind/etc.
But anyway, I’ve been going to coffee shops to study, now almost every day, and earlier this week I noticed this really cute girl who has an HRC equality sticker on her laptop (I have one too). We did’t really interact because we were both studying and I’m a wimp, but she did move to my table later in the evening. And I know that doesn’t mean she’s gay/dates girls, but it can give me something interesting somewhat look forward to the next few weeks while I answer MCAT questions for hours on end (like “will that cute girl be there this week? I don’t know, or maybe even another cute girl will be there.” I swear I’m not creepy!)
Not to get your hopes up or anything, but if I were that girl and I were queer and saw another potentially queer girl studying one table over, I’d move over to her table hoping she’d talk to me. And not look at her or talk to her because I’m a wimp.
So, maybe that was her move?
I know, maybe! Shoulda coulda woulda (next time)
I feel like my style is one of the most fluid things about me, and I can’t really put a label on it. I really like dresses and makeup and ballet flats, and I like to wear crazy bright colors and combine colors that people think shouldn’t be worn together. I have an affinity for scarves, not the winter kind but the fashion kind, and my favorite is a big bright hot pink/green/purple tie dye.
BUT. I also like a good button-down/khakis/boat shoes combination.
I like to match my jewelry to what I’m wearing. So the dresses get big dangly earrings, and the khakis get understated studs and necklaces. One gets a brightly-colored friendship bracelet and one gets a leather bracelet.
It’s the same when I go out at night… sometimes I wear short shorts and a lacy top and bright red lipstick, and sometimes I wear jeans and v-necks and plaid.
Now what gets me about all of it is I feel like there’s a difference in ME and how I present myself in these different extremes of clothing. My posture changes, my walk changes… Why is that??
I feel like they are both me, and I’m not trying to be something I’m not in either case. I like them equally. I couldn’t choose one style long-term. (I mean I can’t do much of anything long-term, but that’s a story for a different day.)
It makes me feel like hating labels all over again because I can’t identify with femme if I’m not feminine half the time, but I don’t fit into anything else. Fuck all the boxes!
Hahahahaha I have no answer for you, but fucking all the boxes is the opening line to my theme song. If I had a theme song.
I´m so happy today because I got to buy myself some Dr. Martens chelsea boots that I feel match my gender identity and also they are perfect for fall! Such a great feeling! It was a great friday after a rough, rough week.
Right now I´m in sweatpants that I currently use as pyjamas so that´s good. Comfy I´m telling you.
Oh man! Isn’t it awesome when the right boots find you?? I got these a couple months ago, and I love love love them, as I do all my Paladium boots:
Definitely dig the “flannel genderqueer” style you mentioned- never thought about it, but this is as me as I can get! And Saturday’s a rugby day! So I am uberstoked for that, and getting to carbo-load tonight :)
ahhh, yes, i miss those days where we all ate massive amounts of pasta the night before rugby matches ;) College, how I miss thee.
So I think I always used to dress really really awkward. Then I was really really baggy stuff because I was still award then I found this place and saw dapper things. So now I am dapper. (Trying to be dapper)
Im excited that my plaid shirt got re-measured so I will have something to wear for the holidays.
I recently got hold of the new polos from Tradlands. I gave one to my mom because she has always admired my flannel one and my shark one.
The other day I got dressed in my dress shirt, put on decent jeans and my chukkas then put on my tie and went to bevmo to buy white wine for cooking. My mom totally had a hoot about that. I said I was tired of looking like a slob outside of work. LOL.
Bevmo is an amazing store. You win on multiple levels. :-)
Here I am parked at bevmo. I told the cashier I was celebrating a promotion. Yes those are deer cufflinks #klubdeer5ever
Here I am with moustache.
Because I ♥ purple!
Yeah, I miiiiight have a slight problem with always wanting to dress up.
Also, did you guys know that a leather jacket changes your life? IT REALLY DOES. It’s also almost that time to bust it out again yay! I have also decided that when I take my flight out to the Philippines in January that I WILL NOT LOOK LIKE A SLOB. Yes I’m dressing up and taking advice from the site to look my awesomemest because that’s what my wife deserves to see at the airport.
And I really apologize I did not have a metal earth to share this week because my ebay order didn’t come in time. Such sad.
Love the purple tie! Can you share where you bought it?
The tie bar dot com. I think there’s a necktie version if you don’t like bows. And I believe there is a matching pocket square too! =) The cufflinks I can’t remember where I got them..Maybe ebay. Ebay actually has some good stuff.
Nah, you ARE dapper. Dapper as hell.
I’ve got a comfy pair of chukkas as well. My first pair was issued to me by uncle Sam. Comfy, functional, and great with jeans. They may not fit with what will soon be my every day high femme style, but if I need to work, they’re coming out. Also, motorcycling, but eventually, I’ll get some tanker boots or riding boots in a femme style to rock while I ride.
I LOVE BOOTS ♥ I’m saving for a pair from Frye. =)
This was me yesterday enjoying the nice fall sun
Here I look for my friends birthday party
I gave you fist bumps at camp!! I ♥ the palm trees and octopus! (maybe they are crabs??)
Ha yes you did!!! Ha yah its crabs and octopus
You’re always so stylish, lady
Aww thank you ;)
You have one spectacularly radiant personality and a beautiful face.
Ohhh hush :)
Digging those glasses so harrrrd
Yah they’re pretty amazing
I vary a lot in what I wear and part of that has been as a tool to explore my queerness. It’s been a process spanning about 8 years, trying to find what’s comfortable for me. Recently, I’ve digging the Tomboy Femme aesthetic and I’ve been surprised at how right it feels. Previously I hadn’t invested too much stock in the idea that, personally, my appearance and clothing might play a positive role in ameliorating the uneasy relationship I’ve had with my own queerness. I’ve always been a tomboy since I was a kid (I nearly got expelled once from my Catholic primary school for flatly refusing to wear the girl’s uniform) but I wasted a lot of years on square-peg-round-hole femme-ininity.
Long story short, I’m wearing a pair of relaxed fit chinos, a sweet short sleeve buttondown, hightop sneakers, and my trusty beanie. I’ll chuck a grey varsity jacket over that if I get cold.
They almost EXPELLED you?? Agh we cannot crush institutionalized gender-conformity soon enough.
ANYWAYS WOWA You look great!! I really like your beanie. I feel like I should get one…but I probably wouldn’t wear it much since beanies aren’t allowed at my school.
Yeah, the only reason I didn’t get expelled is because my mother forced me to wear the girl’s uniform. I don’t resent her for it but sometimes I wonder whether the whole ordeal actually had more of an impact on me than I give it credit for. Couldn’t agree more with you, though: crushing institutionalised gender norms in schools really needs to happen sooner rather than later!
And thanks. :D
I have to relate to that Catholic thing though. In High School I found out we HAD to wear a dress 4 days out of 5 and I was SOOOOOO over it. I wanted to wear sneakers with my dress all the time.
Love love those pants! Where did you get them?
Man I really wanna post some selfies but I have yet to find the usb camera port wire thingy for my camera. Trust me, I’d use my phone but it’s super blurry eugh.
Anyways, I definitely am a combination of “skater butch” and “flannel genderqueer”. Especially since I do skate. (though really badly, haha) I am forever enjoying my clothes, from the new wardrobe I got a month back. Clothes are really important for me. They express my identity and just plain make me feel really awesome and handsome and confident and YAY.
I usually wear button-ups. I’m wearing my favorite one right now! It’s dark grey, and I’m wearing red jeans with them. Someday I’ll have pictures, SOMEDAY.
On another note, a girl at school has a crush on me!! And she hung-out with a mutual friend, my other friends, and I, after school. She was too shy to say anything, but right before she left, SHE HUGGED ME AND SLIPPED ME HER NUMBER AND WOW I didn’t know that happened in real life. I am very super happy and look forward to texting her! Whether we get romantic or not, it’s just nice to meet someone new.
Oh OH WAIT ONE MORE GOOD NEWS. ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS. Yeah. SHE GOT ME TICKETS TO GO SEE TEGAN AND SARA IN NOVEMBER!!!!??? I was so excited that I literally couldn’t express it. I’m afraid I disappointed her by not acting super happy. but but I AM.
Well until next week, straddlers! Hope your weekend is extra gay, hehe.
omg this looked way shorter before I posted this. Sorry for the length, there was much to talk about this week!
I LOVE FLANNEL. Best in winter months. Feel the coziness. ♥
For REAL. :D
Dude!!!!! Those are all awesome things!! Write as much as you need to about anything, always! I also have never known such things to really happen, good for you!
Ahhhh thank you so much!! Man you guys always brighten my day x100. Much love to ya.
ALSO! I got all my selfies from my facebook, I didn’t actually take pics for Autostraddle – go creep yo’self, girlfrand.
Am currently wearing t-shirt from a really amazing long-distance trail that my best friend and I hiked last year and my favorite pair of pajama pants. Earlier today was wearing an overly large striped long-sleeve t-shirt that used to belong to my grandmother and somehow ended up with me after she died and jeans, because I’m a scientist so we’re all about the practical clothing.
A few days ago I was Skyping with a (female) friend who is GAY AS ALL GET OUT and I happened to be wearing plaid so when she first saw me she put on a plaid shirt as well so that we would match and that made me very happy.
Also, I have a cold. And a brain tumor. But the cold is more relevant to my life at this very moment, and it sucks. Today I fell asleep multiple times at work and then had a roomies-night with my flatmates and fell asleep on our amazingly comfortable couch in the middle of a conversation about how psychology departments are amazing (we’re a biologist, an accountant, and a journalist, go figure), but now I’m super-awake despite the fact that it’s the middle of the night, go figure.
Do you really have a brain tumor?!
I really have a brain tumor.
(Sorry for the randomness. Am still trying to get up the courage to tell people this fact. So I figured an anonymous internet community of warm fuzzy queer ladies is a reasonable place to “come out,” yeah?)
Omg! I am soo sorry! I really have zero advice to offer. I do know someone who has had a brain tumor for over 10 years, and is doing great. He’s had a few surgeries, but has lived his life pretty normally. Are you ok? is this a recent development? How scary.
<3<3<3
Matching plaid is the best, and head colds are the worst. And on the bright side of having a brain tumour, you’ll always have the closing word when someone has a headache: “yeah? You think *that’s* bad?” ;) Thank you for sharing with us. It’s a scary step. Anonymous, warm, and fuzzy as we are, you are finding the less common breed of courage to come out to us. :)
flannel hugs for you
Last week I said I had felt a lump in my breast, and got it checked out this week. The NP said it felt like normal breast tissue, but I am getting a mammogram this coming week just to get the all clear. (I am close enough to 35 where this would make sense) Woo!! I feel SO much better, as I was planning how I would work and do chemo at the same time. (haha)
Interestingly, I learned that breast cancer is only 10-15% genetics (my great-grandma had it), and the rest are risk factors such as smoking, caffeine (? she asked me if i drank a lot of it), overweight and other things I can’t remember.
In terms of clothes, I AM THE WORST. I have worked in a job of 10 years with a uniform, which means I have the smallest wardrobe known to man (most of my 2 year olds have more clothes than I do), and I have been wearing the same clothes for a very long time. I do have some nice Autostraddle purchases as well ;)
Oh man! Hope the mammogram really is all clear — that sounds like a very scary week to have.
It was weird, I was scared for a day or two (planning my chemo treatments), but then I just stopped. I was still nervous, and maybe I was just in denial that I could be anything but healthy, but it was strange. My NP said “You seem very calm for this sort of appointment,” and I mostly was. My blood pressure said otherwise (I really get nervous no matter what at doctor’s offices, and this was a bit worse than a normal check up), but what was weird is that I semi-accepted that maybe I would have cancer. I used to tell my therapist all the time “It is going to take something really big to get me to change/out of the rut I live in,” and even though she didn’t really agree, I maybe/sorta was thinking this was my change. No one goes through cancer the same person. Maybe I would be forced to live?
That was at the verrryyy back of my head, and really I think it was mostly “I am 33 and feel absolutely fine and am freaking out over nothing,” and am VERY grateful everything is a-ok (assuming the whole boob-smashing thing goes ok next week). I am very terrified of hospitals, so clearly this is a good thing, but it makes me wonder. If I was sick, how would I change?
So glad you’re okay!
Also, I have a pair of mesh shorts from college that fit amazing and I want 5 million more pairs like it, except when i ordered some from amazon they were huge on me, and did not have the same fit and i am frustrated. Stores don’t really sell womens’ mesh shorts like they do for men.
ALSO, it took me until about 30 to realize that I don’t dislike the color pink, and actually look good in it.
I have these intense fantasies where I donate all of my clothing and buy a whole new wardrobe based off everything I’ve ever seen on Qwearfashion.com
Like:
But in reality I dress like a lazy femme to high femme depending on the occasion. One day!
oops… well, y’all can just imagine the photo. it’s super cute.
Your hair! Its incredible!
It’s like, do I want to be Bing or do Bing? Maybe both? Is that okay? I have contented myself with copying her hairdo and also being delighted by the pictures she posts of her and her girlfriend on instagram. Anyway, yeah, no, but seriously Qwear forever
In pants season, I generally wear a femme-y top, skinny jeans, and booties. It’s my go-to for fall. During the summer, I’m all about sundresses and skirts with said femme-y tops. At work, my uniform is a black button-up with black pants and black shoes, so there’s not much room for individuality (if you have an idea, I’d love to hear it!). I generally use the term “lazy femme” or “cheap femme”, as I don’t wear makeup every day, and I enjoy my hoodies over a fancy jacket (although I’d loooooove a biker/leather jacket). I’m still in the process of learning to love my body, and I find that when I spend more time and effort on my clothes (as opposed to throwing on a too-tight tee shirt), I feel better about my body.
I’ve been going on job interviews recently, so I’ve been wearing modest professional dresses with pumps I can’t walk in. I went on a date the other night, which included leggings. It’s also the high holy days, so I’m wearing similar dresses/skirts & tops that I would to interviews.
I’m currently wearing an oversized tee shirt that I got for $5 and soffee shorts. I don’t own real pajamas.
I’ve never had a pumpkin spice latte because I am caffeine free. I love pumpkin foods, but no lattes for me. I’m all about hot cocoa and herbal tea.
I had a massive Rosh Hashanah/Shabbat dinner tonight. It was yummy.
I am in a Harry Potter t-shirt and comfy pajama pants. I /was/ invited to a party at my coworker’s tonight, and I actually got on the road to go, but then I hit a deer and decided it was a sign for me to just stay the fuck home. (I am fine. Car is not so fine. As for the deer, I honestly don’t know).
As for clothing? My standard is almost always jeans+t-shirt+tennis shoes. Before school started I went on a shopping trip with my best friend to revamp my wardrobe (which was actually inspired by an Autostraddle article on how to do just that). I’m trying to actually wear more femme clothes and style, I’m just very lazy about it. Also, I have this terrible habit of buying all of my clothes in the same shades of blue and grey, so I end up becoming this one color blur. I’ve finally embraced skirts and leggings though! And casual dresses! It’s great. Now I tend to look more like a hipster instead of like a high school kid.
I’m glad you’re okay from your run in with the deer!
This is probably the country girl in me, but I would know right where the deer was – strung up and being let so it would be ready for the butcher in the morning. No?? Just me? I am also glad you’re okay, and yeah that’s a sure sign that staying home is a go.
My girlfriend and I have absolutely no set style. Yesterday I walked out of the house in a sundress, hair teased and curled to the high heaven, with heeled boots on my feet. When I kissed my girl goodbye she was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a tye-dye guy shirt.
This morning I left the house in a pair of baggy dude shorts, a tank and a X-men snap back. My girl went to her practicum in a pencil skirt,with a tucked in ruffled blouse, and the boots I wore the day before.
This is a common occurrence, so really we just cannot decide on a style, and we have too many clothes.
I like your mix-and-match relationship style. It sounds lovely and comfortable!
But… what about just *your* style?
I like black. Lots of black. Also, lots of cat hair.
The older I get, the more comfort takes a central role in my clothes. So jersey and stretchy materials are great. I love fall because COZY SWEATERS.
You’ll typically see me in a sheath dress at work with a sweater or fitted blazer or big ol’ pashmina or funky scarf. Typical weekend look is dress and sandals or flats, jeggings, and a chic loose-fitting tunic.
Statement jewelry. Jewelry is really important. I feel naked without it.
Your cat hair thing made me laugh like the Jolly Green Giant
Hahaha, the pet hair! I have a cat and a golden retriever, so my other half suggested that we buy this…
Ooh clothes just what I wanted to brag about. Tonight I’m going to watch a burlesque show so I got fancy. Black on black pinstripe suit jacket, Savage Beauty tee, my only pair of skinny pants which are of course black, and my freshly cleaned boots.
Hidden below all my layers is an Oscar the Grouch bra I tried on for shits and giggles but it fit so awesome I bought it and the Cookie Monster one too.
Typing this on phone so pardon any errors or type walls.
My love of men’s tactical boots knows no bounds. They have space for my inserts and don’t squeeze my weird ankle. Tactical boots go will every thing just ask Helen Mirren :D
Me and my Vesper Lynd eyes are off to the show!
Can you hear my sigh of jealousy/damn-girl from where you are?
Over the sounds of the loud drunk girl that sits right next to me of all people? Nope.
It was funny whrn she sang along to Like A Virgin tho.
90% of my wardrobe is just black tank tops and Adam Lambert t-shirts. (I’m pretty sure I said that 200 times at camp). My style is more expressed in my makeup and hair and accessories rather than the clothing itself. Though I totally identify with the “broke femme” label. That speaks to me.
Speaking of fashion, I got my Misandrist t-shirt in the mail (Thanks, Bren!) and it was way too big. I ordered up because American Apparel scares me with their very small models. Also, because sometimes I’m an L and sometimes I’m an XL and sometimes I’m an XXL. XXL was too big. It’s OK. I rehomed it to another beautiful queer who looks ga-ga-gorgeous in it. Buying again in a smaller size!
Anyone else get their t-shirt? Or planning to buy one? It is pay day (for many of us), after all.
Wait. I forgot to ask how everyone is doing!!! I hope everyone’s week went well! Everyone had really really good hair right? This morning, it felt like everyone at work had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed and we were all grizzly bears for like 4 hours and lunch came along and we became humans again.
This made me smile. That’s really thoughtful and sweet :)
And I forgot to mention how awesome you are. Hope next Friday is better!
I’m 3/4ths of the ways through a bottle of wine, so I didn’t totally read this article. But tonight I’m house-sitting at my boss’s with his two doggies and I’m rocking my Forever 21 maroon sweats and my girlfriend’s work t-shirt I stole. Braless. Eating cake. It’s a great Friday.
#killingit
My style changes depending on the season?? I don’t know if this is something that other people experience? Like, during the summer I have to wear all skirts and dresses, because I don’t want to die of heat and I hate shorts. And I can’t wear blazers bc heat, so I end up looking pretty femme. And then as soon as fall hits (wore pants for the first time this year a few days ago yesssss) I really start adapting a more tomboy/soft butch look, with a bit of Beatles-inspired flair involved bc they have basically inspired my queer style more than anything else. But have you seen some of the style the Beatles used to wear? Like especially 50s Teddy era. Yes. So I’m starting to lean more that way now.
Today however I was just at home doing laundry so wearing pjs, an oversized flannel shirt, wool socks, and a Welcome to Night Vale shirt. Perfection. :P
I think many of us here have an inner queer Beatle, haha!
I totally feel the same way about the seasons! Every fall when it starts getting colder my clothing/style gets way less femme. I don’t understand how people can wear pants in the summer, haha. My version of “dressing up”/”looking nice” in the summer pretty much always involves a dress, but in the winter it’ll be pants and a jacket.
YES SAME.
My style and my queerness are so closely related. Before I came out and as I was coming into my queerness, I tended towards a more androgynous look. I think as I got more comfortable with myself, I became a lot more ok with the idea that being femme didn’t erase the fact that I am queer. My current style is also fairly minimalist femme, but right now I’m definitely in college-student-who-needs-to-write-a-paper-by-tomorrow chic. Which means pajamas.
“My style and my queerness are so closely related.”
This. That is all.
Hello back, Carolyn, and all my other fellow straddlers!
Okay, pumpkin spice coffee is wrong. Lattes have never been appealing to my espresso-craving palette, and pouring a load of dessert flavouring into it doesn’t make it any better. The end.
Friends with ones’ ex… lulz.
I like this clothing thread thing both because it is satisfying to call it a clothing thread, and because I love selfies as much as the next gal.
Traveling used to be an ordeal of clothing for me. When I thought I had to be straight, I looked to classic femme personas to try to play it up, and that meant a suitcase just for shoes. (See shameless brag at past attempt at plus size modeling gig – for legal/ethical reasons, photo credit to Richard Gibbs ;)
I was a total clothes horse. I just got rid of my last femmey stuff, realizing that those days are behind me. I closed the last garbage bag (6!!!!) with the finality of accepting my current presentation.
Which is dapper as all get-out on some days:
But mostly, I just went to Giant Tiger to buy my fall wardrobe. This shirt, in three different colours:
And now I feel like a whole person, because there is nothing left in my closet to remind me of… well, fill in the blanks of inner turmoil/angst involved in being considered more attractive as someone I can’t relate to, than I am when I’m comfortable in my own skin. It’s nice to let go.
Dapper for real! Nothing wrong with the comfy stand by, either!
Hey! I was actually thinking of you, too, when I wrote this. I self-identify as genderqueer, and I have to have regular conversations with my mother and sisters about why I don’t want to wear girly shirts – that it feels as wrong as walking around bottom naked, and otherwise fully dressed. It’s like – an invasion of my privacy to have to justify my proclivities, and an insult to my sensibilities. Can you relate?
Hm. I don’t know if I’ve really had to justify my manner of dress, to others at least. A fellow trans woman locally pointed out that I never wore skirts for the longest time. She was right. I don’t know, I was kind of avoiding them. When I was younger I wore all kinds of silly skirts and dresses, but I never left the house. (Also, I hadn’t yet discovered MAXI SKIRTS!!!!!!)
I just mainly didn’t want to fall into the trap of going UBER girly and just looking silly. So kind of my first year being out was spent in jeggings, capris, jeans and such with tops that were mainly t-shirts, but girly (boat necks and scoop collars and such). I have recently begun opening up and getting skirts and putting together outfits that I really feel are in line with how I identify, how I want the world to see me.
I’m sure that once I start going to work and more of my straight acquaintances see me when I’m dressing visibly as a woman, things will change. Yes, I identify femme. No, I’m not compensating for thirty years of dressing as a man, this is me.
Phew, I may not have experienced it yet… But I’m ready to get worked up about it! Yikes.
oh hot damn, your haircut is my jam
also selfies 4ever rock it
That Henley is life. Convinced my boss that logoed henleys should be our work shirts…Win! Glad you’re comfortable. Was just reflecting that I could never wear lady underwear and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to nor should I have to explain that to anyone. I had a phase of wearing dresses to appease the fam but with boxers underneath and hold ups. Felt like a bad drag act. Dapper on all formal occasions now. Feels much better. :)
Oh man, I would be jealous that Henley’s are your uniform, but I’m self employed, so they’re my uniform, too! ;D Lady underwear are…. hmm… unfortunately the most comfy fit I can find. I love boxers, but boxer briefs ironically just feel like shorts, and then I’m wearing two pairs of pants, and I already hate wearing pants in the first place. I literally have a pants hook next to my front door so I can walk in and take off my pants. Wow, that was a rant. And YES! Dapper on all occasions ftw!
a pants hook? this is a revelation.
I am wearing a red tank top with a picture of a UFO on it that reads “I Want To Believe” and black yoga pants. Currently working on an essay about the effectiveness of the court system concerning the ruling of Brown v. Board of Education! I bet everyone’s jealous of my Friday night! I really do love school though.
I have just started my phd and it is all about how queer women construct positive body esteem – particularly through the use of alternative media formats and the internet. I am in love with this thread and even more in love with how Autostraddle always seems to find a way to be relevant to all parts of my life!
I like your style. Lovely and looks comfy too!
Your thesis sounds really interesting. Maybe you could write an article on this topic on Autostraddle?
“Autostraddle always seems to find a way to be relevant to all parts of my life!”
Right? Also very cute outfit!
Your smile makes that look!
Pretty sure I’m lookin’ like hot stuff CAUSE IT’S M’ BIRFDAY. I’m sure you delightful anonymous strangers care, so hooray!
At this point, I’m rockin an AutoStraddle t-shirt and some realllllyyy nice black underthings, so I feel pretty good about stuff!. You all are some sweet humans, realtalk.
Happy Birthday!!
I hope there is cake with your outfit.
Happy birthday Sarah! Guess what? We have the same birthday! I’m pretty sure I’m not liking like hot stuff because I’m starting my day off by going farming, but maybe I will by tonight when I go out.
Happy Birthday, C! I would argue that wearing dirty farming duds is in fact hot stuff, but maybe that’s just me? Hope yer birthday is lovely and good and maybe there’s some dancing if you’re into that! Or not. You do you!
Also, waking up after drunkenly commenting on Autostraddle and finding such sweet things makes me feel so nice and fuzzy! Thank you, kind humans, for proving that I can drunkoStraddle and everything will be cool! THIS IS A SAFE SPACE, GUYS.
<3<3<3
Happy belated birfday!
Happy birthday!
I am currently wearing my too-tight work shirt (because they only had size S, apparently) and a shit load of make-up … Too because of work. I got up at 07.30 on a Saturday because I got overtime and this hour is unholy.
I have no idea how to describe my style – lazy femme, maybe? I’ve done quite a shift from more “masculine” clothing to my current wardrobe over the past year, and I’m really really glad I’ve realised that yes, I can be super queer in a dress and with winged eyeliner!
Travel is everything. If I could spend the rest of my life travelling, everywhere, I would.
This has been a good week. My person has been here and it’s been amazing to have her around, despite having less time than I’d like to be with her because of work/school. I am still a mess, like last week, but less so.
Again, I tried to stay up for this thread to be posted last night and that didn’t work. Also, I’ve never had a pumpkin flavoured anything … And the latte-situation available at Starbucks isn’t vegan. Am I super missing out? ):
You can get soy lattes at Starbucks! I’m generally not a huge fan of drinks desert-like drinks, and pumpkin spice lattes fall into that category – they taste pretty good, but have too much sugar for me to handle in the mornings when I’m most likely to be drinking coffee. But I think it’s definetly worth trying one, considering how much some people love them :)
Yes – but the “pumpkin spice flavouring” contains condensed milk! There’s been a movement to try and get them to change that for a while, but it’s been to no avail. So no pumpkin spice latte for me. ): (Whatever, Starbucks!)
Oh fashion!! Love love love, clothes. My style is probably, soft taylored looking women’s wear. Colour is good but usually keep black or charcoal as a base for taylored slacks and jackets or the occasional skirt or sheath dress. Then hit it up with jewel coloured shirt, scarf with jewelery. Also really keen on gelato colours in linen or silk (when I can afford them), especially in shirts, loose and mannish looking.
Right now though, I’m wearing my indoor fave of black leggings and black 3/4 sleeve soft cotton tunic.
Have a great weekend everyone!!!
I am wearing a gray demi-bra and the same skirt as i have been for three days now and instead of going to the bar i played skyrim all night and now i’m going to fall asleep listening to ASMR videos and snore really loudly.
I am a lady.
I should probably take a walk tomorrow morning though, before I start looking like Gollum in floral print.
Oh my Gawd!! I am awake at 7:30 on a Saturday – and Gollum in a floral print just made me feel about 4,000 times better that that’s basically how I spend my days off :D
Okay, for realz, can this win a comment award? Are the Comment Award people looking? Cause they should. I am still laughing at this, and I had a shitty day at the not-office, so coming home and reading this and laughing milk out my nose all over again was the best. Gollum in floral print, I ask you!! Hahahaha you can’t buy this kind of humour! Okay, I’m done now.
I don’t know why I didn’t replay the other night. I’ve dabbled in Skyrim, but I’ve spent hundreds of hours in Oblivion and Fallout 3 and I enjoy it for a while, but I feel like “what am I doing!?” What’s your class? : )
I would describe my style as soft butch. Most of my wardrobe includes (slightly oversized) men’s t-shirts, sweat pants (lots of it), hoodies and like three pairs of skinny jeans. I’m planning on getting a few plaid shirts though cause I own none (I know, it’s embarrassing). And everything is either black, grey or purple.
Around the beginning of the year, I started dressing in a way that made me feel like I was being true to myself. I never really had a style prior to this, and getting dressed in the morning was more of a chore than I way that I expressed myself.
When I was young I dressed like a tomboy, but as I got older I started to listen to the people who said that I needed to “dress like a girl.”
To make a long story short, I am happy that I can now dress in a way that makes me feel comfortable and confident. After years of struggling, I can finally look in the mirror and be okay with myself.
The main issue that I have now: why are men’s clothes so damn big? Please help if you know where I can buy men’s clothing (jogger pants in particular) in smaller sizes!
I saw small as a guy. I pretty much had to order online. 30 34 doesn’t seem like it should be an odd size, but I like a nice break in my jeans, if you ever see my socks, something is wrong. (bootcut is the only kind of Jean, right? Kidding, mostly.) Physical stores with sizes for skinny /small folks? Hard to find in menswear in my experience.
H&M!!! All their clothes are a slim fit. I’m built like a linebacker, but my brother in law is slender, and he has the same problem – so does my niece, after him. So me and my linebacker-sister go to H&M for all their stuff. :D
Have you tried Uniqlo? If your problem is that manpants have too much horizontal room, they might be just the ticket. If your problem is vertical room, it’s probably that last resort of short cis dudes for you – the hipper boy children’s sections.
J. Crew also pointedly sells very very slender jeans, like, wow, and I think they’re doing joggers again this fall, but the price point is a little alarming. Oh! Also! The Forever 21 men’s section has them, and they look pretty slim-fitting.
Thanks!!
There is way too much sex appeal in this thread.
I’m wearing a colorful baggy purple hat, with an equally colorful apron that has a clown logo on it. And I’m wearing a butterfly glitter tattoo.
I work with kids, k?!
Right?! And glitter is glam no matter how you make your dough.
yo carolyn, thank you for this. i never would have pegged us for having such similar clothing ideologies. also, i assumed you had like one million sweaters and outfits and things to mix together bc that’s what fashionable people do/have.
thanks for saying “i have three sweaters”.
that’s basically my wardrobe. maybe 3 sweaters, 2 button downs, some t-shirts, 2 pairs of black jeans. broke bronx butch. sometimes the quantity of items in my wardrobe makes me feel like a joke, like i’m not a good grown up because i don’t own all the bow ties or some really fancy shoes.
but on days when i’m not feeling low, i feel good about the minimalist thing. i remember that when i’ve had more money, i haven’t spent more of it on clothes. i spend more of it on traveling and saving and eating healthier food.
i am rambling.
this post really touched me. also, tbh, i assume that white people are rich and have all of everything and that’s not fair or real.
thank you for your honesty.
also, i’m writing this in my red Papi briefs and black bklyn boihood tshirt, drinking coffee and waiting for my gf to come back from the laundromat.
happy saturday.
thank you for this! I mean sometimes it seems like because clothes can be such a part of queer identity that everyone else has or wants so many (all the bowties, or “statement jewellery” or whatever) and it is a relief/validating to hear other people are the same way.
I love everything you said. I want to hug your words.
i love clothes and i love thrifting as therapy, but i have too many clothes that don’t really go together because i don’t know who i am or who i want to be on a daily basis. my wardrobe reflects that. i spent many years dating a women who made it clear she didn’t care if i dressed up for her. so i stuck with jeans and a t-shirt and felt awkward all the time. now i’m dating a guy i’m crazy about and have found a ton of confidence from dressing for both him and myself.
so… usually i’m in tights and a skirt. way more comfortable than jeans, tbh. doc martens, a jean jacket, red lipstick and a smug expression completes the outfit. i’m a fan of thigh highs, skinny jeans, layers like tank tops + scarves. i own so much black clothing that i can never find anything (the floor is just a giant closet, right?)
i have a big problem with jewelry and bags. i rarely wear anything besides one ring i always have on, and a purse i’ve had for a couple years. again, i can’t ever decide to buy a nice bag because who knows if it’ll go with who i want to be next week.
Wow, I too am watching pets for my ex. We had three dogs together. Two of them stay with her, and everyone’s favorite corgi, Phoebe, came with me.
I’m staying in the house we had together, which isn’t ideal. I love this house and the dogs and everything, but we had to split. I’m not the man she married, and darn it, she isn’t a lesbian! It’s not quite as simple as all that, but that is the main thrust.
I’ve described my style as “witchy femme.” I’m drawing my inspiration from Madchen Amick in her role as Wendy Beauchamp in the Witches of East End. I like black and grey, flowing skirts and those sort of summer cardigans and such. I try to add a splash of colour, often purple, but Orange gets in there as well. This isn’t my favorite picture, but it gets the basic idea across:
Since I’m waiting on an electrolysis appointment at the end of October to hopefully start presenting as a female all of the time (I’ve had several laser treatments, so I really hope electrolysis can finish off my facial hair), I still dress as a “guy” most of the time. With my hair growing out, I’ve taken to rocking bandanas to keep things under control, and sort of introduce a little butch into my wardrobe. I definitely identify as femme, but I guess I’m hoping someone might take me for a butch instead of a guy. It probably doesn’t work, but whatever.
Also, if you like chai tea, the spicier kind without any cardamom is probably your best bet for the season, especially since the memescape has revealed pumpkin spice from Starbucks to be a total farce. But I do love real things made with real pumpkin and cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and whatever else you’d like in pumpkin pie spice. I was born in October, after all.
Both looks are super cute! Bandanas are so useful, aren’t they? I used to resist them because I associated them with my mom, but I kind of love them now. :P
Absolutely! I’m acquiring quite a collection of bandanas, they are great inexpensive accessories!
You can do lots with the hair you’ve got now, too! Do you just prefer having the super long locks? Your described style puts me in mind of Morticia. :D
Also, because I felt like I was too late for saying so in last weeks’ thread, I wanted to say a super thank you for your supportive words of kindness towards me and especially my oversharing. That was lovely and sweet.
I’m just a bit insecure about my hair, another thing about headbands and bandanas is that I can hide the receding hairline given me by nearly three decades of testosterone poisoning.
I also am super in love with really really long hair. It is kind of funny. I’m dropping some feminine crutches that I’ve used during pre transition years because I am feeling so much more confident in myself as a woman, but I am also becoming way more femme in my style. I wore a lot of scoop neck tees with jeans and boots for a while, and I still have them, but I’ve discovered that I can bear my arms and shoulders and still look and feel fab. (maybe more so.) I was always nervous about my arms, during my time in the Navy and other times when I was trying to pretend I wasn’t trans, I would hit the gym hard-core and try to make myself as Un feminine as possible. It’s weird though even with normal male testosterone, I never got huge, thank goodness. Actually, go figure, I have a pic that I took just to say: “hey, I’m okay with this aspect of my body.” (and also HRT is softening my arms up considerably.
So yeah. That’s kind of a lot of words to explain the LoooooooOOOOOOOoong wig. : )
And my pleasure! It’s just really great that we do have a place to share. And like so many people say, Autostraddle seems to always be on about the same things I am, it just feels magical.. Haha!
I love your long hair! I’m envious, because it’s something I could never be comfortable in, but I think is super attractive. Some sort of weird lesbian dichotomy. Or something. I know what you mean about the crutches. When I first realized I didn’t need to be femme, I went turbo butch, and had a buzz cut and wore tons of polo shirts and shit like that. I really don’t like those things. But I felt like if I was going to ever make it clear that I’m MOC, I had to go all the way. Heh. Now I don’t really give a shit, but do still like my hair super short, which I wouldn’t have discovered if I hadn’t been playing it up. :)
And, I have to agree that you look great every week!
ok wait. wait. I just have to say that every week you look so fab.
: )
FOR. REAL.
Oh, re: friends with exes…
Time is the major thing usually. My ex wife and I are getting the friendship back, but it’s still a little touchy sometimes. Let’s say that she may have slept with a man before we had decided to end the marriage. And let’s say she is still seeing this man. I just can’t accept this relationship. I had to work with that man for two months after it happened too. Blergh.
Also, it’s pretty wild to get in touch with exes from the distant past, sometimes just because of mutual friends on social media) and to say, “oh, I’m a lady now.” everyone has been cool about it. Shifts the awkwardness from the old relationship maybe?
So this is completely unrelated to clothing but I just have to tell y’all that I just went to my first Pride festival ever and it was awesome!!! Actually that is clothing related…I saw more rainbow accessories there than I even knew existed in the world.
I live in a Nordic country, so wool tights under geometric patterned leggings, handknit wool socks, almost knee high burgundy leather boots I have had resoled 3 times because I wear them out, a crop top over my bra, and a totally see through big white sweater that became see through because I didn’t use fabric softener. And a big chunky necklace that has big wooden beads and then two big beads shaped like foxes. My girlfriend called it my “cozy and slutty” look. I like my hair curly and big to match. I am pretty minimalist because I have moved from country to country a bunch of times, so I can only own what fits into a suitcase (which, at 26, is kind of sad). I like wearing red, pink, grey or black skinny jeans that tuck easily into my big boots, and a big sweater, or a tight long sleeved single color shirt. I like big chunky earrings and I hate patterned t shirts unless they mean something to me and I keep them as memories. I have doc martens that I bought to replace old beloved black boots that I wore out so badly they couldn’t be resoled, but they seem to create holes in things by rubbing the fabric of my tights or jeans at the opening of the boot. Hoping this changes and that they wear in soon otherwise…I bought them to last but they are so rigid and heavy.
Question: I have a giant tattoo on my lower stomach, below my waist. How do I show it off? The current midriff fashionis to show off waist stomach, not lower stomach like in the Gwen Stefani era. Tips?
Clothes are still an issue I struggle with for a multitude of reasons which I guess could be summarized to Respectability and Weird Childhood Theorist Things That Could Have Been Gender Dysphoria But I Have No Idea.
The Childhood Theorist Things is or was when somehow in my child brain what I now know as heteronomative womanhood was linked to being a victim, an object of sexual abuse and in general the world’s bitch. So I did my best to avoid becoming an object by standing in the cold, ignoring pain, working out till I couldn’t go anymore and then doing one more.
In the clothes department first it started with ace bandages and a sweater all of the time, still from the women’s department. Fortunately I dropped the ace bandages before an injury occurred. The only reason that happened though was because I discovered men’s work shirts, full sleeved of course. For years baring my forearms made me feel naked and vulnerable.
Not only did I struggle with the thought pattern of woman = object but the realization that if I were to be a woman I would an ugly one. No breasts to speak of (to me breasts were a C-cup) and no curve in my torso, just a straight shot with a bump for a stomach that could never get rid of. Looking at my naked body horrified and disgusted me so naturally I avoided baths or the room with the tub and mirror in it because also it had my dad’s razors in it. Combine this with the fact the few clothes I felt ok like wearing I would wear til they fell apart further the opinions of some that I was a worthless waste of space.
Cut to discovering tactical boots and men’s jeans like dickies, feeling like I could take up space and it not be a sign my failure to be beautiful and respectable but a sign of power. I felt confident enough to bare my arms in short sleeves and let my non-breast-breasts be on full display in my t-shirt and sports bra. Swaggering around in my boots and jeans I felt comfortable with myself, untouchable until one day my brother said, “You like you’re going to go rape somebody.”
I scoffed, that was ridiculous. So ridiculous I told my mother with a chuckle what he said. What happened next was surreal, it was like a movie moment. I still can’t remember exactly what she said but the message was clear; I scared people. All those years of trying to avoid looking like an object of abuse I came out looking like an abuser, it fucked me up something awful. So then I end up trying to look as neutral as possible. Now I’m trying to get away from that and develop a sense of self but it’s hard.
Exploring my feminine side right now a bit because I feel more confident as a human being, that femininity does not devalue my humanity, has its own difficulties. One being how people are SO proud of anything scrap of proper womanhood they see on me and feel the need to tell me how BEAUTIFUL I am. What, was I an ugly unworthy piece of shit before?
Also as soon as I am in public place in femme attire I feel a wee bit of panic and my brain runs back to the woman = object thought pattern……
The rest is fear that I am assimilating and the fact the expressions of femininity that make me feel awesome are not respectable. Black bra under white shirts, skintight skirts, too much eyeliner, black eye shadow, red or black lips or the whole I have too many bras that aren’t proper for under nice lady clothes like white blouses. I fucking hate neutral bras I WANT ALL THE COLOURS .
Basically I think I need button ups in darker colours from the men’s department to accommodate my colour inclusive nature. Maybe some men’s pants that are uh formal-ish because once again respectability. Dated someone who was fine with me looking like such a lesbo but complained that could I at least dress nice not like a “slob”.
Johnny Cash is as dapper as I can see myself getting, but I need to get away from looking as neutral as possible. Wow that was a lot about something so “insignificant” and “vapid” as clothes.
tl;dr So many feelings and trouble balancing what I like with what is respectable and more feelings about respectability being dumb.
I have so many feelings to return on this. I have to go to bed though. Stay tuned on the morrow. Thank you for sharing!
Sorry for the late reply, I found myself at somebody else’s place last night, and wifi wasn’t really a topic. :> Ahem…
So what you’re describing as a rejection of the objectification of women by putting yourself in opposing roles sounds like feminism, but doing it when nobody was looking also sounds a lot like gender dysphoria. Maybe a bit from column A, a bit from column B? What I’ve learned from talking to friends, exes, and exes of exes, is that masculine of centre women generally, at some point in their lives, have struggled with the transgender question. I think most lesbians hit a point where they have a prick of “hey, I like women, so does that mean that possibly?” but I don’t know that everyone could really say that they’ve *struggled* with it.
Finding clothes that you can be happy in and not hate yourself in is pretty much the first big step to being okay with being a woman, if that’s the route you choose to go down. I am routinely stared at, and sometimes threatened for dressing the way I do. I’m comfortable and relaxed now, but for sure I hardened myself against it, and I also went through a period where I looked like the threatening one. I was so taken aback when grown men would look at me and cross the street late at night so they wouldn’t walk on the same side as me. It kind of made me happy. But it made me really sad when little old ladies did the same, and women in general would step up the speed of their walking (except the lesbians – never got a complaint there – but I think that in general, lesbians have a better understanding of the intention, because we take an interest in our own community and want to understand how different types of lesbians work). I guess that’s how I can relate to being told you look like a rapist. But fuck them. That’s a fucking brutal thing to say to somebody, and if they care about you, they need to try harder to relate to you, not the other way around! Be proud of all the work you’ve done to be comfortable with who you are, because God only knows the people in your life don’t seem to be trying to make it any easier on you. Keep doing you. As to being told you’re beautiful when you fit cis norms – lol! I can totally hear you on that one. I used to be super close to my mom – she could buy me anything girly and I would wear it, and we had fun dressing me up like a doll, because that’s how it felt back in the day. Now she doesn’t get me birthday or Christmas presents because she “doesn’t know what it is that you like these days now that you’re so different,” and constantly laments that she can’t relate to me. More like trying takes more work than regrets. You’re not alone. Sometimes people, even well meaning people, just suck. And there is no way to change that, except to high five our own strength to move past it, and dedication to overlook flaws they don’t know they have. High five for the high road!
Anyway, as my own sense of security increased, my desire to present as tough as nails went down a lot. My gut still tells me that people – men and women – who wear dress shirts and ties, and fancy shoes, are big pansies who can’t take a punch, and I can’t relate to that. But I think there’s something about it that’s also like… I dare you to tell me I shouldn’t be dressing like a man. It’s the grown-up version of wife beaters and sweats. And, like, wife beaters don’t come in paisley, soooo that had to change. :D I think that speaks to your ideals of respectability. Black eyeshadow and eyeliner are not not-respectable, but they would for sure reek havoc on any lingering dysphoria. It’s funny, because sometimes my bestie asks me to take her out dancing as her date (she’s married to a man and has two kids… she likes to play single, and I’m allowable eye candy in her husband’s books). Anyway, I go to put makeup on, and she always says “no, don’t, it’ll ruin your boyish charm.” I had to explain to her that there is such a thing as butch makeup. I always figure, if Shane can wear makeup and still be boi as all get out, then I can, too, gawddamnit! So it’s normally dark opaque browns and brown mascara/eyeliner, and SUPER defined eyebrows. I have a facebook selfie for this, hang on….
… Okay, no makeup, whilst in my tough phas, and then makeup all softened up. I think hair makes a difference. I dunno.
Also, have you considered wearing men’s dress clothes, but wearing super frilly girly undergarments? That way only you will know (and those persons who you’d like to know, and it’s a start to feeling feminine while not revealing to anybody that you are, or feeling objectified as such. I had a ladyfriend who did this, and I thought it was hella hot, and we’re friends now, so I’m still like whoah whenever I see her because I know she wears button ups and dapper denim, but I know what else is goin’ on there. I am absolutely objectifying the shit outta her when I see her, but I don’t make it her business because that’s a pretty clear statement that it’s nobody’s place but hers to talk about it. Make sense?
Hi.
SO.
Clothing is not vapid and neutral.
When I go to my parents house I “straighten out” and wear my last pair of pants that were found in womenswear section and a bra that has cups and stuff.. (I’m out of the closet, and I just need to get through dinner without snobby comments on who I’m most attracted to)
AND
Then I spend an entire therapy session talking about it with my therapist.
Clothes are not just clothes.
Clothes are our identity, my therapist says.
She also tells me that even though I identify as woman wearing women’s clothes is just as much as drag for me as it would be for a man to wear a dress- or her to wear mens clothes.
She says that the clothes themselves aren’t relevant, but how the world perceives the clothes, and thus how I perceive the clothes that formulate my identity.
SO, it’s not neutral, it’s your whole flipping identity my friend. AND, it’s super important. So, keep searching until you find your medium.
I have cleaned for the majority of the past three days, so my attire has consisted of paint-stained t-shirts from middle school and mesh shorts.
However, my closet (really a glorified laundry basket) is filled with button down t-shirts that I wear over graphic tees, which showcase historical places, cars, and video games, with dark-colored cargo pants.
You GUYS I’m late and uninspired and so I’m just going to work on this post’s question all week and then post it in the next thread. Stay tuned.
I might actually do that, wow.
I shall watch for it!
Umm clothing is ridiculously stressful for me because I forced myself to be femme to attract guys and then I realized I liked ladies and then I started dressing more masculine but sailed right past tomboy to full-on dude and now i’m questioning my gender and re-assessing my sexuality too. Confusing! I don’t know! Like clothes don’t matter but they SO do, you know?
As for friends with exes, it’s pretty hard I’d say. I don’t speak relationship very well, so this makes for awkward post-relationship ties. But I have no problem telling my ex I miss her cat. Maybe I should try to rekindle that friendship… friends with benefelines? *groan… i can do better*
Recently I discovered the little boys aisle and I feel like I’ve entered a new utopia of sorts where everything fits and is cheap and durable. My style wavers between full on dresses, heels, tights, lipstick (but still no bra and maybe my brother’s suitcase or coat), to a three piece suit and oxfords. I think it’s important to recognize some of the concerns I noticed floating through the comments, such as being made uncomfortable to shop in the men’s aisle, or working with kids and how to present. I’m lucky that I live in NYC where it’s pretty okay to be who you are and shop where you want and I hope one day everyone gets this awesome sauce. In the meantime, the internet is great and jcrew is having a huge sale on their clearance items. It’ll be our little secret.
Clothes: the tool of self-expression. Or is it? I think a lot of people use clothes to make a statement. You ask a person what style they wear, and you can start to stereotype. Hipsters have their beanies and thick-rimmed glasses; butch women wear clothes two sizes too big; femme women wear sun dresses; and so on. I’ve even found myself looking up different types of fashions for queer women to see if it is by dress I want to identify myself to the public. My conclusion of course, is to not rely on my clothing to tell my story. I like men’s clothing. I find when they fit nicely, it looks androgynous. I like that because I am neither femme nor butch, but something in between, that I like to refer to as human. I like to think I have this whole agender thing going on, but if it weren’t for my medium-length hair, I would probably be mistaken for what Columbus comedienne Brooke Cartus refers to as “Schma’am” (someone that at first glance looks like a sir, but is in fact a ma’am).
So if I wear men’s clothing, but I often am twinsies with the gay boy in the office, does that still solicit a label?
I think this graphic from the web is a good closing point.
And of course the graphic does not appear.
#13
http://www.buzzfeed.com/skarlan/13-queer-fashion-tumblrs-you-need-to-know-about#1y3754j
(I have no idea if this is going to upload this pic, at all.)
This is what I’m wearing today!
This is a dark denim menswear button up with my sleeves rolled up, a tan pin stripe fedora that I have tipped off my head, with a great plaid/pin stripe bowtie tucked into some tan work pant concepts and a pair of dark tan oxfords with suspenders.
The best identity I’ve found for my style is dapperqueer.
The word butch feels like an anxiety attack, and most the butch-laddy’s I know do not dress like I do.
Heterosexual’s whose only involvement in the queer community is knowing me tend to describe my style as after hours fortune 500 CEO.
I, to this day, remember the first time post-puberty a boy didn’t use male/female pronouns as an insult against me. This was in part because I wore boy clothes through childhood, and then just baggy clothes into adolescence. (Roughly this time it came out to my middle school I was a raving dyke, and I don’t seem to recall a lot of acceptance from some of the more well known peers.)
This lead to me going back in the closet and beginning my guilt ridden relationship with femme-clothes, makeup, and endlessly unattainable goals to become a beautiful heterosexual housewife.
Even after coming out for good this time I wrestled for a good time with identity and dress.
Now days I’m happiest when I’m overdressed, queer, and dapper as f***k purchased securely in the mens section. So, that’s where I’ve been resting my identity.
I just want to say that I’m so into this outfit, your face, and also the small animal pet carrier in the background
Aww <3 Thanks! That's my kitties crate, his name is dash and he's my little snuckumpooh muffintop cutesybaby boodydooddyyydooopppyyy nomnomnomnom love bug.
(Hey, what can I say? I love pussies!)
AWWWWW KITTYYYYYYY
heh heh heh
(I have no idea if this is going to upload this pic, at all.)
This is what I’m wearing today!
This is a dark denim menswear button up with my sleeves rolled up, a tan pin stripe fedora that I have tipped off my head, with a great plaid/pin stripe bowtie tucked into some tan work pant concepts and a pair of dark tan oxfords with suspenders.
The best identity I’ve found for my style is dapperqueer.
The word butch feels like an anxiety attack, and most the butch-laddy’s I know do not dress like I do.
Heterosexual’s whose only involvement in the queer community is knowing me tend to describe my style as after hours fortune 500 CEO.
I, to this day, remember the first time post-puberty a boy didn’t use male/female pronouns as an insult against me. This was in part because I wore boy clothes through childhood, and then just baggy clothes into adolescence. (Roughly this time it came out to my middle school I was a raving dyke, and I don’t seem to recall a lot of acceptance from some of the more well known peers.)
This lead to me going back in the closet and beginning my guilt ridden relationship with femme-clothes, makeup, and endlessly unattainable goals to become a beautiful heterosexual housewife.
Even after coming out for good this time I wrestled for a good time with identity and dress.
Now days I’m happiest when I’m overdressed, queer, and dapper as f***k purchased securely in the mens section. So, that’s where I’ve been resting my identity.